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My wife, she's... overweight. (1 Viewer)

Vegasman, how does your wife feel about her weight? Going from 100 to 200 is a big jump, she has to look at pictures from a decade ago and feel upset seeing how much she has gained, no? Has she just completely given up?

 
Meatwad Reloaded said:
Eh...just start jacking it to BBW and midget porn. After a few months of that, your mind will be reconditioned to accept your wife for who she is. Then join a swingers club.
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you laugh, but I even tried "learning to like it". Big isn't the problem it's the shape. Huge belly just hanging there
 
cockroach said:
need an invaded? update big time!

Vegasman, you seem like a good dude. Hope it works out. You said that your wife is generally great. Any other areas besides weight where you're really unhappy?
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nothing major. Which is why I feel like a POS that it is such a problem
 
fantasycurse42 said:
Vegasman, how does your wife feel about her weight? Going from 100 to 200 is a big jump, she has to look at pictures from a decade ago and feel upset seeing how much she has gained, no? Has she just completely given up?
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she hates it, and has "given up" but what makes me mad is that she never really tried. Not even more than a month of exercise. How do you give up something you never really started?
 
flapgreen said:
cockroach said:
need an invaded? update big time!

Vegasman, you seem like a good dude. Hope it works out. You said that your wife is generally great. Any other areas besides weight where you're really unhappy?
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A lot of men would trade their ##### of a wife for one who's overweight but "generally great." You got it all wrong, Vegas.
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Absolutely fair to say. Maybe I do have it all wrong. As I have said, it makes me feel like a POS that I feel this way.

 
My wife has put on 10lbs in the 5 years we've been married and feels crappy about it; I feel crappy about the 20lbs I've been on. We're both looking forward to getting healthier and making some lifestyle changes to get back down to our fighting weight. I can't even fathom someone in the relationship putting on 100lbs and everyone having to be OK with that.

 
Vegasman said:
flapgreen said:
cockroach said:
need an invaded? update big time!

Vegasman, you seem like a good dude. Hope it works out. You said that your wife is generally great. Any other areas besides weight where you're really unhappy?
Click to expand...
A lot of men would trade their ##### of a wife for one who's overweight but "generally great." You got it all wrong, Vegas.
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Absolutely fair to say. Maybe I do have it all wrong. As I have said, it makes me feel like a POS that I feel this way.
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I struggled with those feelings for a long time too. I'm pretty much over them now. It doesn't make you a bad person that this has basically ruined the way you feel about your wife. It doesn't make you shallow either. Physical attractiveness should be a major component of a marriage. That's sorta what distinguishes a spouse from a friend.

Good luck with everything. It can be a tough road.

 
I can't even imagine what 200 looks like on a girl that was 100 before. Have to think even if she loses it she's looking at skin removal.

What is she like 5-4?

 
I hope you guys going through this get to find a little happiness with your kids during Christmas. Not sure what I'd do in the situation you are in.

---> :banned: <---

 
5-0 200. Thats at the range where you are looking at most 5-10 more years anyways. That's basically near death.

Sort of calling b.s. here. That's damn near impossible unless eating was her job.

Also for sure a candidate for wls.

 
culdeus said:
5-0 200. Thats at the range where you are looking at most 5-10 more years anyways. That's basically near death.

Sort of calling b.s. here. That's damn near impossible unless eating was her job.

Also for sure a candidate for wls.
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You've never seen anyone 5' 200? There are way, way fatter people out there than this. Why is this surprising?

 
Otis said:
culdeus said:
5-0 200. Thats at the range where you are looking at most 5-10 more years anyways. That's basically near death.

Sort of calling b.s. here. That's damn near impossible unless eating was her job.

Also for sure a candidate for wls.
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You've never seen anyone 5' 200? There are way, way fatter people out there than this. Why is this surprising?
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right?

Go to any latino community and you have this all over.....wearing spandex....green spandex.....with a visible thong

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Otis said:
My wife has put on 10lbs in the 5 years we've been married and feels crappy about it; I feel crappy about the 20lbs I've been on. We're both looking forward to getting healthier and making some lifestyle changes to get back down to our fighting weight. I can't even fathom someone in the relationship putting on 100lbs and everyone having to be OK with that.
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BOTH!?? OH COME ON!

 
comfortably numb said:
Otis said:
culdeus said:
5-0 200. Thats at the range where you are looking at most 5-10 more years anyways. That's basically near death.

Sort of calling b.s. here. That's damn near impossible unless eating was her job.

Also for sure a candidate for wls.
Click to expand...
You've never seen anyone 5' 200? There are way, way fatter people out there than this. Why is this surprising?
Click to expand...
right?

Go to any latino community and you have this all over.....wearing spandex....green spandex.....with a visible thong
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I think he's talking about going +100 on a 5'0" frame?

Best of luck, Vegas. Here's to hoping you can get through to her and make some good healthy changes. Fight for the marriage.

 
Otis said:
culdeus said:
5-0 200. Thats at the range where you are looking at most 5-10 more years anyways. That's basically near death.

Sort of calling b.s. here. That's damn near impossible unless eating was her job.

Also for sure a candidate for wls.
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You've never seen anyone 5' 200? There are way, way fatter people out there than this. Why is this surprising?
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Going from 5' 100 to 5' 200 is a gigantic jump.

 
bentley said:
Otis said:
My wife has put on 10lbs in the 5 years we've been married and feels crappy about it; I feel crappy about the 20lbs I've been on. We're both looking forward to getting healthier and making some lifestyle changes to get back down to our fighting weight. I can't even fathom someone in the relationship putting on 100lbs and everyone having to be OK with that.
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BOTH!?? OH COME ON!
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:bag:

 
fantasycurse42 said:
Otis said:
culdeus said:
5-0 200. Thats at the range where you are looking at most 5-10 more years anyways. That's basically near death.

Sort of calling b.s. here. That's damn near impossible unless eating was her job.

Also for sure a candidate for wls.
Click to expand...
You've never seen anyone 5' 200? There are way, way fatter people out there than this. Why is this surprising?
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Going from 5' 100 to 5' 200 is a gigantic jump.
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Well you don't commonly see adults double their height, so I'm not sure why the 5' matters here.

You do see people put on 100lbs. And you see 200lb guys end up at 400lbs. A woman going from 100 to 200lbs doesn't stun me; I'm not about to call BS!!!! on it. Is it alarming, and does it suck? Of course. But it doesn't strike me as that improbable. That's all I'm saying.

 
By the way, it goes without saying, good luck with this, dude. Sounds awful.

Oh and, at some point the added weight becomes tacit permission for you to go find gratification elsewhere. Sounds like you're past that point.

 
Vegas how close are you or her with her family? Maybe you could talk to them about it. Has she ever thought about liposuction or stomach stapling?

 
culdeus said:
5-0 200. Thats at the range where you are looking at most 5-10 more years anyways. That's basically near death.

Sort of calling b.s. here. That's damn near impossible unless eating was her job.

Also for sure a candidate for wls.
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Dude you need to kind of, you know, #### off here.
 
Otis said:
fantasycurse42 said:
Otis said:
culdeus said:
5-0 200. Thats at the range where you are looking at most 5-10 more years anyways. That's basically near death.

Sort of calling b.s. here. That's damn near impossible unless eating was her job.

Also for sure a candidate for wls.
Click to expand...
You've never seen anyone 5' 200? There are way, way fatter people out there than this. Why is this surprising?
Click to expand...
Going from 5' 100 to 5' 200 is a gigantic jump.
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Well you don't commonly see adults double their height, so I'm not sure why the 5' matters here.

You do see people put on 100lbs. And you see 200lb guys end up at 400lbs. A woman going from 100 to 200lbs doesn't stun me; I'm not about to call BS!!!! on it. Is it alarming, and does it suck? Of course. But it doesn't strike me as that improbable. That's all I'm saying.
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I was simply stating doubling from 100 to 200 is a big jump and surprising, I can see someone's frustration from this.

 
fantasycurse42 said:
Otis said:
culdeus said:
5-0 200. Thats at the range where you are looking at most 5-10 more years anyways. That's basically near death.

Sort of calling b.s. here. That's damn near impossible unless eating was her job.

Also for sure a candidate for wls.
Click to expand...
You've never seen anyone 5' 200? There are way, way fatter people out there than this. Why is this surprising?
Click to expand...
Going from 5' 100 to 5' 200 is a gigantic jump.
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There are a lot of women that look like this out there - http://www.mybodygallery.com/photos-37134-body-shape.htm?StartAt=7#.VnwV2v6FOBU. I can easily see the jump from 100 to 200.

 
I just skimmed the last page. Fortunately, my wife has gained like 5 pounds during the 7 years of our marriage.

If she gained 100 and I was no longer sexually attracted to her, I'd have sex outside of the relationship. Sex is too important to go without.

Advice to Vegasman: If your wife won't keep her self healthy enough to where she is attractive to you, then you shouldn't feel too bad about going outside your marriage to meet your needs. If she is making a conscious choice to be an unattractive fat slob, and refuses to get back to a healthy weight, then she is not fulfilling her part of the matrimonial agreement. That's on her exclusively. Based upon her holding you rejecting a skinny woman's advances against you (really?!?), if you want to stay married, I wouldn't mention your other lovers. Just do what you have to do to get by.

And stop drinking to solve your problem. It won't.

 
She's at an unhealthy weight and really needs to look into an exercise/weight loss/diet plan soon or her health issues will just start piling up. You're going have to be the one to get her started/motivated, maybe join a gym or yoga center together and perhaps try to spin it that she needs to do it for her children (which is true)and you will be there with her every step of the way. 1 week turns into 1 month and when she starts seeing results it'll hopefully motivate her more.

She doesn't seem like she can do this on her own but with your support and motivation she has a chance. If you truly love her then don't give up, don't ever give up as helping her get back to a healthy weight and lifestyle will do wonders for her sense of self worth and will surely pay dividends for you from an intimacy standpoint.

Very tough situation for you to be in but as her husband and the father of her children you can do something about this than can benefit the whole family. This won't be easy but it can be done but it needs to start with you getting her on track. I wish you the best.

 
Uruk-Hai said:
Pumpnick said:
Vegasman said:
Wow does this strike home. I am late to the party but so much of what has been said in this thread is dead on for me. Married 15 years, wife is generally great. But she has gained 100 pounds, and most of it early in after our first child. And has made no effort to take it off.

We have exercised, eaten healthy etc. Wr have talked about it. No sex in a year, but I am OK with that. I have no attraction anymore.

But what sucks is being trapped. I don't want her sexually. But I Cannot have anyone else. Twice in my life I had chances with other women. And almost took them. But didn't. And fessed up about them. And it's a hard trap.

We have had the talks. I started drinking. A lot at one point. It was easier and it is 100% true that alcohol eases the pain. I now down to 2-3 a day.

I promised to get my drinking under control if she got her weight under control. I did my part. She didn't.

I live in a town where all the men have skinny wives. But me. And I am jealous and bitter about that. Because I had it and lost it through no fault of my own.

I feel like a POS for feeling this way since she is a homemaker, cooks everyday and does her "part." Why can't I accept that she is fat and live with it?

Don't know. But every day is a grind. Every day I am happy to get to bed without losing it. To make it to 11pm so i cam wolf down my two or three drinks and fall off to aleep. I am here for my two kids, and will be 60 when my youngest is 21.

The only thing that makes it easier is knowing my kids will see me everyday. The wisdom of my decision aside (and I know many stay for the kids and many don't), deep down I know it is partly a lack of courage.

It's fear. Fear of being soaked financially. Fear of losing my kids. Fear that having fessed up to having a shot with someone else who was stunningly gorgeous but not taking it will be used against me. Fear of dying alone.

This was a great thread. Thanks for listening
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she is who she is. i don't get it?
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His post is about him, not her.
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:goodposting: , and I think you should take him up on the PM

If you want to help her, I think that the first step is to stop thinking about yourself and start showing some compassion and understanding for her. For example, instead of focusing on how unattractive she is to YOU, focus on how this weight is extremely unhealthy for HER. A simple change in POV can go a long way.

She's obviously not happy about her situation and your feelings of jealousy, envy, resentment, etc... are not helpful.

 
mr roboto said:
culdeus said:
5-0 200. Thats at the range where you are looking at most 5-10 more years anyways. That's basically near death.

Sort of calling b.s. here. That's damn near impossible unless eating was her job.

Also for sure a candidate for wls.
Click to expand...
Dude you need to kind of, you know, #### off here.
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Let's say she had 15% bf at 100. And you can assume that stayed and she added another 100 pounds of pure fat. That has her at 55-60% fat. Once you push past 50% (which is damn hard to do as a woman) your end of life clock starts ticking hard. Your liver or your heart or both start to fail.

I just don't think it's possible for someone to go that far off the rails. Either she's not really 200 and more like 175 or this whole thing is fishy.

I mean Otis would need to be in the 420 range to be roughly equal here.

 
Spurred on by you guys I mentioned the sex thing. We were sitting on the couch and we out of the blue decided to lay down together. Just feeling that touch again made me excited; its been a loooong time. So I said I would like to have sex again.

And it went straight downhill.

It started out as an OK, frank discussion. And ended with me getting unfairly called out. Essentially "you are still repulsed by me and I am just an available hole."

This AFTER i explained that it would be good forums, and I wanted us to get closer and start to move forward.

It ended in a fight.

I went into my bedroom and just broke down for a few minutes. Sad, angry and depressed. At the end of the discussion I said "I just can't win."

A few minutes ago (all of this Just happened) she came up and apologized. But I am not bringing it up again.

Still trapped...

 
What happened is pretty much what I would expect. This problem, if it even can be fixed, will likely involve a lot of crying and hurt feelings. I've had a lot of nights similar to what you describe.

Things have improved a lot but even with her losing a lot of weight we still have a long way to go. There's no way you'll find an easy fix while continuing in the marriage.

 
Missed opportunity to tell her you would just like to be able to find the hole.

Sorry...i think you need a laugh.

Also....get out.

 
culdeus said:
mr roboto said:
culdeus said:
5-0 200. Thats at the range where you are looking at most 5-10 more years anyways. That's basically near death.

Sort of calling b.s. here. That's damn near impossible unless eating was her job.

Also for sure a candidate for wls.
Click to expand...
Dude you need to kind of, you know, #### off here.
Click to expand...
Let's say she had 15% bf at 100. And you can assume that stayed and she added another 100 pounds of pure fat. That has her at 55-60% fat. Once you push past 50% (which is damn hard to do as a woman) your end of life clock starts ticking hard. Your liver or your heart or both start to fail.

I just don't think it's possible for someone to go that far off the rails. Either she's not really 200 and more like 175 or this whole thing is fishy.

I mean Otis would need to be in the 420 range to be roughly equal here.
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Culdeus - you are totally full of #### here and have no idea what you are talking about. Clearly you live in some kind of bubble where Walmart and Big Lots don't exist. I can go to the store right now and see more than 10 women that are 200+ and 5'0-5'2".

Besides - leave the poor guy alone.

 
She's got serious issues, but so do you - go get yourself into a place where you can make rational decisions. If you have any kind of mental health program that's affordable, use it. This whole thing reads "toxic" the way it stands. Y'all are doing zero favors to your kids - hint: they can see how ####ed up things are.

 
culdeus said:
mr roboto said:
culdeus said:
5-0 200. Thats at the range where you are looking at most 5-10 more years anyways. That's basically near death.

Sort of calling b.s. here. That's damn near impossible unless eating was her job.

Also for sure a candidate for wls.
Click to expand...
Dude you need to kind of, you know, #### off here.
Click to expand...
Let's say she had 15% bf at 100. And you can assume that stayed and she added another 100 pounds of pure fat. That has her at 55-60% fat. Once you push past 50% (which is damn hard to do as a woman) your end of life clock starts ticking hard. Your liver or your heart or both start to fail.I just don't think it's possible for someone to go that far off the rails. Either she's not really 200 and more like 175 or this whole thing is fishy.

I mean Otis would need to be in the 420 range to be roughly equal here.
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oh come on, if your statement were true half of the mid west would be dead. He was probably off on the starting weight of 100 lbs but there are many women in that weight range that are not suffering liver shut down.
 
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