My wife, she's... overweight. (3 Viewers)

[Sweet J]

It's not to say that her diet isn't important. It is. But it is easy (compared to working out).

I would strongly disagree with this based on my experiences with my wife. I know some people will quibble with the language, but I think overeating is akin to an addiction like smoking or drugs. Except in some ways it's even tougher to break the addiction because, well, you have to eat to live. Someone trying to quit smoking can try to stay away from cigarettes and be relatively successful. Someone trying to change their eating habits can't really do that.

hmmmm.I think if a person is seriously working out hard every day, the diet thing would come. But maybe that's just my own experience -- I find that I am less prone to over eat when I am working out. Plus, when you are on a consistant workout schedule, you have to be aware of how you are eating: you don't want to eat heavy two hours before a workout, and you don't necessarily feel like gorging right after a workout. But it probably depends on the intensity of it.

 

[ATC1]

1. I don't give her an attitude. I have fully supported her in EVERY weight loss attempt she has ever made. Nutrisystem, Weight Watchers, Atkins, etc. etc. etc. Each time she wants to spend money on something new I fully support her. The ONLY thing I do is just try to get her to promise me that she will stick with it and not give in/give up. Inevitably she has a busy week or something else and breaks her diet, or she gets sick of the food, or whatever. I get frustrated obviously. The frustration comes mainly from seeing her so unhappy with her body yet consciously choosing to have a few cookies or whatever it is that time that gets her off track. I don't tell her what to do or what to eat. I just try to encourage her in whatever she's doing.

What does your "full support" really mean? That you pick up the tab? Time to think about what you think the word “support” means in this context. Maybe that ONE thing you do to make sure she sticks to the plan is counterproductive? Maybe you need to back off, because your pressure hasn’t worked and she’s given every time anyway, right? You get frustrated, it’s natural. But your frustration she's sensing isn't working, right? Try to be a good actor and don’t show that frustration, because it makes following any diet regimen a prison sentence for her. The reason she’s unhappy is that you show your frustration all too easily. The best encouragement you can give her is back off and let her figure it out.

2. Nice job picking up an off-hand comment and blowing it up. It was a comment mainly about money. I wish we could get away with having the sitter less, but it's just not possible right now and I haven't given my wife ANY grief about the amount of hours she needs out of her. We have multiple YOUNG children, and it's impossible to get anything done while watching all of them, especially during the summer.

If you are overusing the sitter, you both should be taking time to get into shape. I don’t buy that comment that you haven’t given her any grief over the cost of the sitter. The frustration in your tone is obvious. It does bother you and it implies sloth and laziness of your wife to have help with the kids and still let herself go. Try to plan more activities with your wife while the sitter is in. You are lucky. My wife and I both have 4 children under the age of 10 and we find plenty of activities to do with them other than “watch” them. We have no help, no sitters or grandparents near. It’s tough, I won’t lie. Trying get stuff done while watching the kids is swimming upstream, and whatever productivity you think you achieve won’t be worth it. Your kids need to be first during waking hours. Integrate your life with them and engage them. Your wife will respond to that family connection and warm to you more. A good dad is a sexy man in the eyes of a wife. And remember to put your wife first after the kids are all put to sleep. Don’t be lazy, roll over, or stuck to the tube or TV.

3. I want a healthier sex life with my wife. I love her and want to feel close to her. It's more about desire than frequency to me right now, because I truly due understand the state of our daily lives and the limitations therein. That's really all there is to it.

What you are looking for, and what she is looking for are the same thing. Intimacy, not sex. Feelings of loss of self worth are compounded by your frustration, which leads her into even lower self esteem. It’s a vicious cycle. I’ve been there and it becomes a stalemate after awhile and everyone ignores the problem. The bedroom gets cold and you don’t know how both frequency and desire got so low. To turn on the intimacy, you need to be a good actor again. You need to compliment her out of the blue and grab her ### every once in awhile, flash her your best smile for no reason. Her self-esteem improves and pretty soon, she’s got the exercise bike out and working out on her own. She wants to be sexy for you. But negative reinforcement doesn’t work with the ladies. You have to put away petty frustrations, and take a chance on her. Once she figures out for herself that shedding pounds will have its rewards in the bedroom, she’ll be motivated to stick to her weight loss plan with no needed pep talk from you.

She's got to want to do this. You need to find a way to indirectly motivate her without her knowing about it. Maybe a complmentive way is to go for her.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

It's not to say that her diet isn't important. It is. But it is easy (compared to working out).

I would strongly disagree with this based on my experiences with my wife. I know some people will quibble with the language, but I think overeating is akin to an addiction like smoking or drugs. Except in some ways it's even tougher to break the addiction because, well, you have to eat to live. Someone trying to quit smoking can try to stay away from cigarettes and be relatively successful. Someone trying to change their eating habits can't really do that.

hmmmm.I think if a person is seriously working out hard every day, the diet thing would come. But maybe that's just my own experience -- I find that I am less prone to over eat when I am working out. Plus, when you are on a consistant workout schedule, you have to be aware of how you are eating: you don't want to eat heavy two hours before a workout, and you don't necessarily feel like gorging right after a workout. But it probably depends on the intensity of it.

Yes, I think people have different experiences, and I think your perspective is probably a good one for someone who just has a little bit of extra weight.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

She's got to want to do this. You need to find a way to indirectly motivate her without her knowing about it. Maybe a complmentive way is to go for her.

Do you think you did anything that got your wife on the right track? Or did she just completely find her way on her own?

 

[shadyridr]

Oh, and another thing -- it is all about the exercise. As long as you are not a total idiot about food, don't let her get herself (and don't you) get all wrapped around the axel about "dieting." If a person is working out an hour a day, the diet will come. Again, if you are conciencious about what you eat, how you eat, and you make a point to eat as much whole grains as possible, lean meat, and cut down on the sweets, you (your wife) will be fine -- as long as she is exercising.It's not to say that her diet isn't important. It is. But it is easy (compared to working out). She doesn't need to do anything "fancy" or get a nutritionist. A personasl trainer is important because it will help with the motivation and follow through.

not

 

[Sweet J]

I'm dead serious about the message. If a person is unhappy with themselves because he/she is 70/80 pounds overweight, then the excuse of "we don't have money for a personal trainer" and "we don't have money for a babysitter" is totally unacceptable.I understand that it is NOT EASY to loose that kind of weight. It takes a real committment. He needs to do everything humanly possible to help her do this, including having difficult conversations, and including shooting the lock off his wallet.My only caveatte is that I am assuming that Wife is equally unhappy about this. If she isn't unhappy about her weight, than throw my words out the window.

What if he spends a bunch of money and she either doesn't lose the weight or she loses it and gains it back? Should he keep spending more and more money at the expense of other priorities? Is there any limiting principle here? Because at some point I don't think it makes sense to drive your family deep in debt to try to fix the problem that isn't getting fixed.

If I went to a personal trainer six days a week for two years, and I did not see substantial change in my health, fitness, mood, or weight, then something is seriously wrong.The goal should not be "losing weight." The goal should be "excercising and eating healthier."Exercising regularly when you have kids and a job is one of the most difficult things you can do as an adult. You can't just waive a magic want and say "I'm going to do some pushups and exercise for 20 minutes a day." I guess you could, but you just set yourself up to fail.When we were kids in HS, we had coaches and teams to keep us motivated when we didn't want to work out. We had energy and exhuberance of youth. And we had time on our hands. Oh, we had time.Now, with stress from jobs, paying bills, and raising decent children in an effed up world, we don't exercise. To change that, a person needs a serious worldview change. A serious committment.I happen to think that a personal trainer is the best way to go, because it is a huge motivator. But there are other solutions: Karate class 6 days a week. Something else that you sign up for. Something that you obligate yourself to. Something that you DO NOT miss, somethign that you need to plan the kids' schedules around.Loosing 70 pounds (assuming she is actually overweight by that much) will affect the quality of her life immensely in 20 years. I'd almost say that loosing 70 pounds for 10 years is more valuable than having an extra 100 grand in retirement savings. Maybe even more. Money should not be the limiting factor here. Not with the amound that an average american spends on "entertainment." (cable, i-pad, music, movies, eating out, etc).

 

[Sweet J]

It's not to say that her diet isn't important. It is. But it is easy (compared to working out).

I would strongly disagree with this based on my experiences with my wife. I know some people will quibble with the language, but I think overeating is akin to an addiction like smoking or drugs. Except in some ways it's even tougher to break the addiction because, well, you have to eat to live. Someone trying to quit smoking can try to stay away from cigarettes and be relatively successful. Someone trying to change their eating habits can't really do that.

hmmmm.I think if a person is seriously working out hard every day, the diet thing would come. But maybe that's just my own experience -- I find that I am less prone to over eat when I am working out. Plus, when you are on a consistant workout schedule, you have to be aware of how you are eating: you don't want to eat heavy two hours before a workout, and you don't necessarily feel like gorging right after a workout. But it probably depends on the intensity of it.

Yes, I think people have different experiences, and I think your perspective is probably a good one for someone who just has a little bit of extra weight.

I don't know. I'm still not convinced that a SERIOUS workout every day (with the assistance of a personal trainer) is more valuable than SERIOUSLY watching your food intake (guaranteed by a personal nutritionist).I'm not saying that nutrition isn't important. I just think it is easier to watch your food intake without professional assistance than to find the optimum workout experience without professional assistance.

 

[jwb]

what are you guys going to do when your wives get old?

Serious question.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

what are you guys going to do when your wives get old?Serious question.

Which guys are you talking to here?

 

[shadyridr]

what are you guys going to do when your wives get old?Serious question.

Younger chicks

 

[Al Czervik]

...stop drinking 500 calorie Starbucks mocacrapachino #### every time you're out driving around. Stop getting yourself a "little cheeseburger and some fries" as a snack when you get the kids mcdonalds while out on the run. Stop dipping your veggies in ranch because "you hate veggies". It's all bull####.

Yep.

 

[ATC1]

She's got to want to do this. You need to find a way to indirectly motivate her without her knowing about it. Maybe a complmentive way is to go for her.

Do you think you did anything that got your wife on the right track? Or did she just completely find her way on her own?

She said she wanted to lose the weight because she realized she was not happy and it was affecting our relationship. I agreed not that she was overweight, but I wanted to have a better relationship. My wife would always get on me about laundry and dishes. I hate doing the laundry and dishes, but agreed on my own if it makes her happy I will make a full effort to be cleaner. I hate every second of it, but I never leave clothes out and wash the dishes every night. I realized if you don’t wait until the clothes and dishes pile up it takes no time at all. She knew she needed her self-esteem to improve through her weight. She was never was a physically active person. She started weight watchers and started with the couch to 5K program. I was already running 2 miles 4 days a week, but I decided to do the program with her. She joined a gym, and I agreed to pick up the kids and cook 3 nights a week so she can go to the gym. She agreed to pick up the kids the other days so I can workout out in the garage (I run in the mornings). There is weight training and cross training involved. I would ask her what she did for weight or cross training that night at the dinner table. On nights, I cooked I managed portion control and we started eating better. As soon as she lost any weight I made a huge effort to compliment her. Give her a big smile, say how proud I am, she looks great, etc. I'd hint to the kids to ask mommy if she ran today, or to tell mommy that she thinks mommy looks beautiful. My daughter tells us every night that we are the best mommy and daddy ever. She’s a sweetie.

 

[beavers]

What's even better, is that you just proved that you have no idea on how to communicate with women.

You need to relax, dude.

My 10 year and counting relationship seems to indicate otherwise but thanks for the message board shrink And trust me, I'm plenty relaxed. I was actually laughing over here at how absurd your stubbornness was. I appreciate it.

Really? Chaka explained it perfectly ... It's how you came across and how you continue to come across. Dude, r.e.l.a.x.

 

[ATC1]

My wife loves starbucks coffee. She tried McDonalds iced coffee with sugar free vinilla and she thought it was rather good. We certainly don't eat out as much and when we do we have veggies instead of fries, water with the meals which is important while running anyway. The money she saves on the coffee and food we don't need she justifies paying for a gym membership. She certainly doesn't need too justify it, but it's what she does.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

She's got to want to do this. You need to find a way to indirectly motivate her without her knowing about it. Maybe a complmentive way is to go for her.

Do you think you did anything that got your wife on the right track? Or did she just completely find her way on her own?

She said she wanted to lose the weight because she realized she was not happy and it was affecting our relationship. I agreed not that she was overweight, but I wanted to have a better relationship. My wife would always get on me about laundry and dishes. I hate doing the laundry and dishes, but agreed on my own if it makes her happy I will make a full effort to be cleaner. I hate every second of it, but I never leave clothes out and wash the dishes every night. I realized if you don’t wait until the clothes and dishes pile up it takes no time at all. She knew she needed her self-esteem to improve through her weight. She was never was a physically active person. She started weight watchers and started with the couch to 5K program. I was already running 2 miles 4 days a week, but I decided to do the program with her. She joined a gym, and I agreed to pick up the kids and cook 3 nights a week so she can go to the gym. She agreed to pick up the kids the other days so I can workout out in the garage (I run in the mornings). There is weight training and cross training involved. I would ask her what she did for weight or cross training that night at the dinner table. On nights, I cooked I managed portion control and we started eating better. As soon as she lost any weight I made a huge effort to compliment her. Give her a big smile, say how proud I am, she looks great, etc. I'd hint to the kids to ask mommy if she ran today, or to tell mommy that she thinks mommy looks beautiful. My daughter tells us every night that we are the best mommy and daddy ever. She’s a sweetie.

This is pretty inspirational, thanks.

 

[Jobber]

what are you guys going to do when your wives get old?Serious question.

Younger chicks

1. Get current wife a bewb job.2. She cheats and leaves me for some other dude.3. I upgrade to a newer model, of course not marrying.4. String her along until she gets old too. 5. Repeat steps 3 & 4.

 

[ATC1]

It's not to say that her diet isn't important. It is. But it is easy (compared to working out).

I would strongly disagree with this based on my experiences with my wife. I know some people will quibble with the language, but I think overeating is akin to an addiction like smoking or drugs. Except in some ways it's even tougher to break the addiction because, well, you have to eat to live. Someone trying to quit smoking can try to stay away from cigarettes and be relatively successful. Someone trying to change their eating habits can't really do that.

hmmmm.I think if a person is seriously working out hard every day, the diet thing would come. But maybe that's just my own experience -- I find that I am less prone to over eat when I am working out. Plus, when you are on a consistant workout schedule, you have to be aware of how you are eating: you don't want to eat heavy two hours before a workout, and you don't necessarily feel like gorging right after a workout. But it probably depends on the intensity of it.

Yes, I think people have different experiences, and I think your perspective is probably a good one for someone who just has a little bit of extra weight.

I don't know. I'm still not convinced that a SERIOUS workout every day (with the assistance of a personal trainer) is more valuable than SERIOUSLY watching your food intake (guaranteed by a personal nutritionist).I'm not saying that nutrition isn't important. I just think it is easier to watch your food intake without professional assistance than to find the optimum workout experience without professional assistance.

meh. It's what you feel you need help with. If you try multiple diets (weight watchers) with no success, hiring a nutritionist is a good idea. If you have trouble getting into a exercise program you like a personal trainer maybe a good idea. However, both are not a long term solution. You find a comfortable diet or exercise and get into routine, don't waste your money anymore. Sooner or later you are going to need self motivation.

 

[Chaka]

I don't know. I'm still not convinced that a SERIOUS workout every day (with the assistance of a personal trainer) is more valuable than SERIOUSLY watching your food intake (guaranteed by a personal nutritionist).

More valuable how?

 

[[icon]]

What's even better, is that you just proved that you have no idea on how to communicate with women.

You need to relax, dude.

My 10 year and counting relationship seems to indicate otherwise but thanks for the message board shrink And trust me, I'm plenty relaxed. I was actually laughing over here at how absurd your stubbornness was. I appreciate it.

Really? Chaka explained it perfectly ... It's how you came across and how you continue to come across. Dude, r.e.l.a.x.

You're telling what is possibly the most relaxed person you'd ever meet to relax. That's funny. And you're hanging your hat on Chaka now? oof.

Anyways... congrats on losing weight without going to the gym. Hopefully things with the new chick turn out better than with the last one.

 

[Chaka]

What's even better, is that you just proved that you have no idea on how to communicate with women.

You need to relax, dude.

My 10 year and counting relationship seems to indicate otherwise but thanks for the message board shrink And trust me, I'm plenty relaxed. I was actually laughing over here at how absurd your stubbornness was. I appreciate it.

Really? Chaka explained it perfectly ... It's how you came across and how you continue to come across. Dude, r.e.l.a.x.

You're telling what is possibly the most relaxed person you'd ever meet to relax. That's funny. And you're hanging your hat on Chaka now? oof.

Anyways... congrats on losing weight without going to the gym. Hopefully things with the new chick turn out better than with the last one.

I am pretty ####### awesome.

 

[belljr]

Maybe the OP is underweight

 

[beavers]

What's even better, is that you just proved that you have no idea on how to communicate with women.

You need to relax, dude.

My 10 year and counting relationship seems to indicate otherwise but thanks for the message board shrink And trust me, I'm plenty relaxed. I was actually laughing over here at how absurd your stubbornness was. I appreciate it.

Really? Chaka explained it perfectly ... It's how you came across and how you continue to come across. Dude, r.e.l.a.x.

You're telling what is possibly the most relaxed person you'd ever meet to relax. That's funny. And you're hanging your hat on Chaka now? oof.

Anyways... congrats on losing weight without going to the gym. Hopefully things with the new chick turn out better than with the last one.

You're not coming across as the most relaxed person Chaka ... I don't know Chaka well - just from some of our discussions in the pit bull thread. I agreed with his assessment 100% If that's hanging my hat, so be it.

Since you brought it up, my ex is as fat as a house. When I met her, she was overweight but not drastically overweight. I noticed about 4 yrs into the relationship, she was gaining a large amount of weight (I probably gained 15 lbs or so). She knew it and would cry. I took the supportive partner approach -- we both took pictures of ourselves (I believe someone mentioned the camera in here a few pages ago) and joined weight watchers. We lost weight together and used the pictures as motivation. We had a great time cooking and going to the gym together and saved money from not eating out as much.

Looking back, I wish you could've given me advice ---- I would've told her that she was fat, ugly, gross and demanded a journal of her daily intake because that would have prevented me from wasting 8 yrs of my life with her. FWIW, I saw her a few weeks ago and she's as fat as she's ever been.

 

[datonn]

You can't take the kids on the walk, too?

Go to the park, and run after the kids.

As a single mom, it took me a while to lose the baby weight because I can't go to the gym (lack of baby sitter). I incorporated weight loss activities with my kid, even if it means pushing the stroller around the community.

The lack of time for a gym is a Bull#### excuse. You can get a great workout in each morning in about 20-30 mins (max) and using only a set of dumbells and your own body weight. The ruse that you have to go spend 2 hours at the gym to get in shape is bull####. Eat right and do pushups/situps and some dumbell exercises each morning and you'll shed the weight.

You must not have any kids, do you? And if you do, imagine trying to run with it solo + house maintenance + work FT + landscaping + cooking + all of the other crap like finances, food shopping, dr appts etc. I am full go from the time I get up until I put her to sleep at 8:30. I am truly exhausted and enjoy the 1-2 hr relax time that I get.

I do however, make time for physical activity. I walk up 30 flights of stairs and down 8 flights every day at work. I also walk with my daughter after work and have cut down my portions and eliminated snacking. So far, I've lost 55 pounds since my highest weight during my pregnancy. I only have 15 more lbs to go to get to my goal weight. You don't need a gym or wake up early to lose weight.

Hi Beavers, you make some valid points and I need to lose some weight myself but I gotta side with ICON on this...it's all excuses.

Late to the party, but ICON and MoP are 100% correct on this one.My wife has struggled with weight most of her life too. And after being around someone for 17 years (and living with them for 15 of those years), I can tell you it boils down to:

1. Lack of willpower.

2. Lack of self-esteem.

My wife would love to drop 25-30 pounds! But for her, if she's got a bag of chips or chocolate or a container of ice cream within 50 yards of the house, she's consuming it. She'll go to the store and come home with a bag of Doritos or ???, with the idea that the "kids like them." But then before she goes to bed that night, literally half the bag is gone...consumed (only) by her. But then she'll complain about not feeling pretty/attractive because she needs to lose several pounds. She doesn't feel pretty/attractive...so what does she turn to to make her feel better? Food.

Being addicted to food (specifically too much of it, and/or the wrong kinds) is every bit as powerful as being addicted to alcohol, drugs, nicotine, et al in my book. I think my wife would give up me before she'd give up chocolate. Or she'd be like someone in rehab and talk the talk...only to find that they've got Hershey's kisses and chocolate bars hiding anywhere they think they won't be found upon "inspection."

I have a venus angioma in my brain that will probably kill me one of these years (stroke/anurism/???). I get FIERCE headaches, and I've needed to be on various medications to deal with a number of health issues. One of those meds, in particular, caused me to have all-over body aches in my muscles. Hurt to sit/stand, much less exercise. And over the course of a Winter, I gained ~20-25 pounds myself. I felt like Jabba the Hut! So after I got off that medication, I decided "enough of this ####!" So I cut my calorie intake back at LEAST 500 calories/day, I exercised and/or worked as a volunteer on some very physically intensive projects in our community (i.e. designing, building, and maintaining our local disc golf course), and within 4-5 months, I was UNDER my weight I was at prior to going on that med. And now, 2-3 years later, I've dropped another inch off my waist, and I'm having to give away "fat clothes" because they no longer will stay on me without a belt.

It's all about want to. I work 12+ hour days, 6 days/week. When I'm not working, I also share in the child-care responsibilities, household chores, et al. The difference is, I'm not consuming a giant bowl of ice cream, 3-4 pieces of chocolate, and a half a bag of Doritos while I'm in the house and don't have the kids around me. Do I like ice cream, chocolate, and Doritos? Yep. Do I like not looking like Jabba the Hut even more than I like those other things? Yep.

It's all about want-to. And a lack of willpower will eventually lead to a greater lack of self-esteem. Where one feeds the other, to the point where they drag you down into a death spiral. Don't give your power away like that. Because giving your power away will only lead to a greater lack of self-esteem. And a greater lack of self-esteem? Well that will only lead "you" (the proverbial you) to stuff your face even more to feel temporarily better. Just like an alcoholic having another drink. Or a smoker having one more cigarette.

 

[VA703]

has anyone tried the Kettlebell?

 

[belljr]

has anyone tried the Kettlebell?

Posted in another thread.Wife ordered the Kettleworx program. I like it. 20-30 minutes. Guy is a bot of a dork and he is off on some reps but once you figure out where he messes up you adjust quickly

 

[Bamboo Bill]

has anyone tried the Kettlechips?

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

It's all about want-to.

This might be true in some sense, but I think it oversimplifies. My wife really really really wants to lose weight. Probably more than anything else in the world. The reason that she's overweight and I'm not has nothing to do with me wanting it more. People have different struggles in their lives. For a lot of us, it isn't really all that hard to stay relatively fit. For other people it's a really difficult challenge.

 

[Chaka]

It's all about want-to.

This might be true in some sense, but I think it oversimplifies. My wife really really really wants to lose weight. Probably more than anything else in the world. The reason that she's overweight and I'm not has nothing to do with me wanting it more. People have different struggles in their lives. For a lot of us, it isn't really all that hard to stay relatively fit. For other people it's a really difficult challenge.

Not to channel [icon] to much here but if that were true wouldn't it be happening? Or is it happening? I forget which poster said the wife has been committed and doing great.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

It's all about want-to.

This might be true in some sense, but I think it oversimplifies. My wife really really really wants to lose weight. Probably more than anything else in the world. The reason that she's overweight and I'm not has nothing to do with me wanting it more. People have different struggles in their lives. For a lot of us, it isn't really all that hard to stay relatively fit. For other people it's a really difficult challenge.

Not to channel [icon] to much here but if that were true wouldn't it be happening? Or is it happening? I forget which poster said the wife has been committed and doing great.

No, I'm not the guy with the success story, that's ATC1. Sometimes people really really want to do the right thing and still find it difficult to do it. A couple of us have described it as a form of addiction -- it's tough to change your bad behaviors even if you really want to.

 

[jwb]

It's all about want-to.

This might be true in some sense, but I think it oversimplifies. My wife really really really wants to lose weight. Probably more than anything else in the world. The reason that she's overweight and I'm not has nothing to do with me wanting it more. People have different struggles in their lives. For a lot of us, it isn't really all that hard to stay relatively fit. For other people it's a really difficult challenge.

Not to channel [icon] to much here but if that were true wouldn't it be happening? Or is it happening? I forget which poster said the wife has been committed and doing great.

Do you want to make more money?Do you want more free time?

Do you want to work less?

etc etc etc. You can apply that to almost anything.

 

[Abraham]

My wife has lost 18 pounds in 10 weeks and 27 since she had our daughter. She weighs less now then when she graduated high school. I've lost 16 in 10 weeks. No exercise for either of us. We chose to quit eating fat. I've had one steak since Easter. No more mayo or ranch. Absolutely nothing fried. No cheese Baked chips instead of regular. Lots of subway turkey sandwiches on wheat and chicken tacos on corn tortillas. Lots of grilled chicken breasts instead of ribeye.

It isn't hard. You just have to commit to doing it.

 

[simey]

It's not to say that her diet isn't important. It is. But it is easy (compared to working out).

I would strongly disagree with this based on my experiences with my wife. I know some people will quibble with the language, but I think overeating is akin to an addiction like smoking or drugs. Except in some ways it's even tougher to break the addiction because, well, you have to eat to live. Someone trying to quit smoking can try to stay away from cigarettes and be relatively successful. Someone trying to change their eating habits can't really do that.

hmmmm.I think if a person is seriously working out hard every day, the diet thing would come. But maybe that's just my own experience -- I find that I am less prone to over eat when I am working out. Plus, when you are on a consistant workout schedule, you have to be aware of how you are eating: you don't want to eat heavy two hours before a workout, and you don't necessarily feel like gorging right after a workout. But it probably depends on the intensity of it.

Yes, I think people have different experiences, and I think your perspective is probably a good one for someone who just has a little bit of extra weight.

I don't know. I'm still not convinced that a SERIOUS workout every day (with the assistance of a personal trainer) is more valuable than SERIOUSLY watching your food intake (guaranteed by a personal nutritionist).I'm not saying that nutrition isn't important. I just think it is easier to watch your food intake without professional assistance than to find the optimum workout experience without professional assistance.

Men lose weight much easier than women. A woman's body stores fat, and their higher levels of estrogen plays a big role in that. Men can build more muscle due to more testosterone, and more muscle mass means a higher metabolism. A man who just exercises without dieting will lose weight faster than a woman working out and dieting.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

It isn't hard. You just have to commit to doing it.

The fact that it isn't hard for you doesn't necessarily mean it is equally easy for everyone.

 

[Judge Smails]

has anyone tried the Kettlebell?

So I was one of those guys who played hoops a long time, then started gym stuff. Eliptical (not high intensity), then standard bench, curls, tri's, lat's. All mirror muscles. Totally ignored legs. Ab bench was my core.Finally signed up for a trainer (friend of my son's) at Gold's. Unlike most, this guy knew his stuff. He killed me initially. I had routines that incorporated various lunges, kettle bells, core exercises, curls/military/chest presses with lighter dumb bells on physio ball, zero rest in between. In 40-45 minutes I was DRENCHED. Huge results getting big muscles of the legs involved, kettle bells were great to engage the core,etc. Worked out my whole body instead of just my upper body. I lost 30 lbs and kept it off, and at 50 am in the best shape of my life. There are so many great exercises that anyone can do. But you have to know what to do. That's why I recommend a great trainer just to show you the routines, right them down, and then you are on your own. Physio ball, small dumb bells, kettle bell (can find them everywhere now), maybe resistance bands, maybe a jump rope and a bosu ball (great). Have a trainer come to your home. Doesn't cost that much and you'll be set for life.

 

[datonn]

It's all about want-to.

This might be true in some sense, but I think it oversimplifies. My wife really really really wants to lose weight. Probably more than anything else in the world. The reason that she's overweight and I'm not has nothing to do with me wanting it more. People have different struggles in their lives. For a lot of us, it isn't really all that hard to stay relatively fit. For other people it's a really difficult challenge.

Not to channel [icon] to much here but if that were true wouldn't it be happening? Or is it happening? I forget which poster said the wife has been committed and doing great.

No, I'm not the guy with the success story, that's ATC1. Sometimes people really really want to do the right thing and still find it difficult to do it. A couple of us have described it as a form of addiction -- it's tough to change your bad behaviors even if you really want to.

Well of COURSE it's difficult/tough! It's no different than anything else worth having/doing. i.e. the person who has a clothes/shoe fettish and $10,000 in credit card debt they can't pay off...walking past a store in the mall. Or better yet, not going to the mall in the first place.You're take, quite frankly (no offense) is such a cop-out. An excuse. Giving your/her power away. If your wife really wanted to lose the weight, more than she wants to feed her face, she'd do it. And not because 99% of the rest of the planet wouldn't love to feed their face if there were no financial, health/fitness, or "appearance" consequences. Rather, because others have decided that looking good and/or staying healthy is more important than those few seconds of pleasure that their taste buds send to their brain.

Until she gets serious and walks even 5-10% of the talk, it's all noise. Kinda like a meth addict saying they're gonna go clean, then surrounding themselves with dealers and druggies without any change in personal habits whatsoever. Your wife may think she wants to lose the weight, but she doesn't. She just wants to have her cake (eating more than she should, eating the wrong foods, not exercising enough, et al) and eat it too. But if she really, REALLY gets serious about dropping those pounds, she'll let other people eat that cake...and eventually never even buy it in the first place.

 

[commisholio]

What's even better, is that you just proved that you have no idea on how to communicate with women.

You need to relax, dude.

My 10 year and counting relationship seems to indicate otherwise but thanks for the message board shrink And trust me, I'm plenty relaxed. I was actually laughing over here at how absurd your stubbornness was. I appreciate it.

Really? Chaka explained it perfectly ... It's how you came across and how you continue to come across. Dude, r.e.l.a.x.

give up, it's just icon being icon. he's been the same way for 10 years.

 

[Abraham]

It isn't hard. You just have to commit to doing it.

The fact that it isn't hard for you doesn't necessarily mean it is equally easy for everyone.

Choosing to not eat loads of fat is not hard. We eat out 7 times a week and I never have trouble finding something affordable and good to eat. Get veggies instead of fries. Get a low fat dressing instead of an extra portion of ranch. It's not like quoting heroin - its realizing that fat is sludge and is unhealthy for you. Choosing "low fat" crackers sitting right next to the regular crackers on the shelf is not hard.

 

[Chaka]

It's all about want-to.

This might be true in some sense, but I think it oversimplifies. My wife really really really wants to lose weight. Probably more than anything else in the world. The reason that she's overweight and I'm not has nothing to do with me wanting it more. People have different struggles in their lives. For a lot of us, it isn't really all that hard to stay relatively fit. For other people it's a really difficult challenge.

Not to channel [icon] to much here but if that were true wouldn't it be happening? Or is it happening? I forget which poster said the wife has been committed and doing great.

No, I'm not the guy with the success story, that's ATC1. Sometimes people really really want to do the right thing and still find it difficult to do it. A couple of us have described it as a form of addiction -- it's tough to change your bad behaviors even if you really want to.

Well of COURSE it's difficult/tough! It's no different than anything else worth having/doing. i.e. the person who has a clothes/shoe fettish and $10,000 in credit card debt they can't pay off...walking past a store in the mall. Or better yet, not going to the mall in the first place.You're take, quite frankly (no offense) is such a cop-out. An excuse. Giving your/her power away. If your wife really wanted to lose the weight, more than she wants to feed her face, she'd do it. And not because 99% of the rest of the planet wouldn't love to feed their face if there were no financial, health/fitness, or "appearance" consequences. Rather, because others have decided that looking good and/or staying healthy is more important than those few seconds of pleasure that their taste buds send to their brain.

Until she gets serious and walks even 5-10% of the talk, it's all noise. Kinda like a meth addict saying they're gonna go clean, then surrounding themselves with dealers and druggies without any change in personal habits whatsoever. Your wife may think she wants to lose the weight, but she doesn't. She just wants to have her cake (eating more than she should, eating the wrong foods, not exercising enough, et al) and eat it too. But if she really, REALLY gets serious about dropping those pounds, she'll let other people eat that cake...and eventually never even buy it in the first place.

While I absolutely agree that it takes will and discipline, losing weight is not simply an issue of willpower.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

Sometimes people really really want to do the right thing and still find it difficult to do it. A couple of us have described it as a form of addiction -- it's tough to change your bad behaviors even if you really want to.

Well of COURSE it's difficult/tough! It's no different than anything else worth having/doing. i.e. the person who has a clothes/shoe fettish and $10,000 in credit card debt they can't pay off...walking past a store in the mall. Or better yet, not going to the mall in the first place.You're take, quite frankly (no offense) is such a cop-out. An excuse. Giving your/her power away. If your wife really wanted to lose the weight, more than she wants to feed her face, she'd do it. And not because 99% of the rest of the planet wouldn't love to feed their face if there were no financial, health/fitness, or "appearance" consequences. Rather, because others have decided that looking good and/or staying healthy is more important than those few seconds of pleasure that their taste buds send to their brain.

Until she gets serious and walks even 5-10% of the talk, it's all noise. Kinda like a meth addict saying they're gonna go clean, then surrounding themselves with dealers and druggies without any change in personal habits whatsoever. Your wife may think she wants to lose the weight, but she doesn't. She just wants to have her cake (eating more than she should, eating the wrong foods, not exercising enough, et al) and eat it too. But if she really, REALLY gets serious about dropping those pounds, she'll let other people eat that cake...and eventually never even buy it in the first place.

I'm not trying to absolve my wife of all responsibility for her weight problems. I recognize that other people in her situation have managed to turn things around. I'm not saying that this problem is insurmountable or that she shouldn't try.All I'm saying is that different people can find different things difficult. I know myself and my wife. I've never been more than maybe 15 pounds overweight. I don't go on special diets, I have gone through long periods where I'm fairly sedentary, I don't do anything special. It's easy for me to not be fat. It is not a constant struggle. For my wife it is.

By contrast, I have a real problem with procrastination and ####### around on the internet when I should be working. Even though I know that there are negative consequences that flow from this behavior, I find it very difficult to fix. It is a constant struggle for me to keep it under control, a struggle which I routinely fail at. My wife has no such struggle. When she has work to do, she just does it.

Here's another example of what I'm talking about -- the nailbiting thread. Some people have been trying for years to stop biting their nails. It is a struggle for them to stop this bad behavior. Other people have never bitten their nails in their life, and have no desire to bite their nails.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

It isn't hard. You just have to commit to doing it.

The fact that it isn't hard for you doesn't necessarily mean it is equally easy for everyone.

Choosing to not eat loads of fat is not hard. We eat out 7 times a week and I never have trouble finding something affordable and good to eat. Get veggies instead of fries. Get a low fat dressing instead of an extra portion of ranch. It's not like quoting heroin - its realizing that fat is sludge and is unhealthy for you. Choosing "low fat" crackers sitting right next to the regular crackers on the shelf is not hard.

Lots of fat people buy lowfat crackers. That's not the hard part.And folks like scoobygang or Maurile will tell you that lowfat foods are probably at least in part responsible for weight problems.

 

[Chaka]

There are some great examples of why it can be so difficult to lose weight in this thread. There is so much conflicting advice it becomes a confusing mess.

For the beginners I think the best advice is to simply be active and eat natural foods that are as close to the source as possible (crackers are not close to any source hth).

I would also strongly recommend that people set realistic expectations. You're not going to lose the weight and get a beach body in a month, or three months (and if you manage that I am sure it happened in an unsustainable manner), it is a slow process and you should be rewire your mind to understand that fact. And this is a ride that doesn't end, you are working towards a new paradigm in your life not a temporary fix.

While it is a more advanced technique because they can be a PITA I really believe in the value of food journals. Not a one week journal (you are guaranteed to subconsciously adjust your diet and it will skew results) but a minimum of 30 days (preferably 90 or more) which will allow you to start to capture the fluctuations in your eating habits and start to get an honest picture of how you really eat.

Good luck.

 

[Keerock]

My wife has lost 18 pounds in 10 weeks and 27 since she had our daughter. She weighs less now then when she graduated high school. I've lost 16 in 10 weeks. No exercise for either of us. We chose to quit eating fat. I've had one steak since Easter. No more mayo or ranch. Absolutely nothing fried. No cheese Baked chips instead of regular. Lots of subway turkey sandwiches on wheat and chicken tacos on corn tortillas. Lots of grilled chicken breasts instead of ribeye. It isn't hard. You just have to commit to doing it.

 

[Abraham]

My wife has lost 18 pounds in 10 weeks and 27 since she had our daughter. She weighs less now then when she graduated high school. I've lost 16 in 10 weeks. No exercise for either of us. We chose to quit eating fat. I've had one steak since Easter. No more mayo or ranch. Absolutely nothing fried. No cheese Baked chips instead of regular. Lots of subway turkey sandwiches on wheat and chicken tacos on corn tortillas. Lots of grilled chicken breasts instead of ribeye. It isn't hard. You just have to commit to doing it.

Indeed.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

While it is a more advanced technique because they can be a PITA I really believe in the value of food journals. Not a one week journal (you are guaranteed to subconsciously adjust your diet and it will skew results) but a minimum of 30 days (preferably 90 or more) which will allow you to start to capture the fluctuations in your eating habits and start to get an honest picture of how you really eat.

For what it's worth, my wife has started many food journals, including online fancy ones that calculate all sorts of stuff. Eventually she always stops doing it.

 

[SacramentoBob]

Is there any chance you can replace your floor with a scale so it barks out how much she weighs each step?

 

[SacramentoBob]

While it is a more advanced technique because they can be a PITA I really believe in the value of food journals. Not a one week journal (you are guaranteed to subconsciously adjust your diet and it will skew results) but a minimum of 30 days (preferably 90 or more) which will allow you to start to capture the fluctuations in your eating habits and start to get an honest picture of how you really eat.

For what it's worth, my wife has started many food journals, including online fancy ones that calculate all sorts of stuff. Eventually she always stops doing it.

Yes, doing things requires effort sometimes.

 

[Chaka]

While it is a more advanced technique because they can be a PITA I really believe in the value of food journals. Not a one week journal (you are guaranteed to subconsciously adjust your diet and it will skew results) but a minimum of 30 days (preferably 90 or more) which will allow you to start to capture the fluctuations in your eating habits and start to get an honest picture of how you really eat.

For what it's worth, my wife has started many food journals, including online fancy ones that calculate all sorts of stuff. Eventually she always stops doing it.

That's why I called it more advanced. How long does she generally keep one for? Days, weeks, months?

 

[belljr]

Get

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

While it is a more advanced technique because they can be a PITA I really believe in the value of food journals. Not a one week journal (you are guaranteed to subconsciously adjust your diet and it will skew results) but a minimum of 30 days (preferably 90 or more) which will allow you to start to capture the fluctuations in your eating habits and start to get an honest picture of how you really eat.

For what it's worth, my wife has started many food journals, including online fancy ones that calculate all sorts of stuff. Eventually she always stops doing it.

Yes, doing things requires effort sometimes.

Not disagreeing with you.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

While it is a more advanced technique because they can be a PITA I really believe in the value of food journals. Not a one week journal (you are guaranteed to subconsciously adjust your diet and it will skew results) but a minimum of 30 days (preferably 90 or more) which will allow you to start to capture the fluctuations in your eating habits and start to get an honest picture of how you really eat.

For what it's worth, my wife has started many food journals, including online fancy ones that calculate all sorts of stuff. Eventually she always stops doing it.

That's why I called it more advanced. How long does she generally keep one for? Days, weeks, months?

She might have kept it up for a month or two at some point, but most of the time she probably gives up in less than a week or two. I'm not actually sure about the exact numbers.