My wife, she's... overweight. (1 Viewer)

[jamny]

and if you do finally get through to her and have a realistic conversation, don't go overboard with the expectations.

Losing one pound a week is easily attainable. Once she loses 10 or 20 pounds, she'll notice the difference and hopefully be encouraged to kick it up a notch.

 

[rascal]

One night, engage her in playful sex. Roll over, switch positions, pound her up against the wall (watch out for bacon strips on the paint, though.) At some point, "attempt" a romantic, acrobatic maneuver in which you toss her on to the bed or roll her over on top of you. As you do so, squeeze some bubble wrap you had hidden under the bed and then toss it aside and grab your back, yelling violently at the same time. As she watches your erection fade as you writhe around yelping "my back... my back !" she'll get the message. This works doubly because :1) You don't have to tell her she's fat.2) The "revelation" as it were will come while you were really into her physically, so she won't feel inadequate.Sure, you'll have to fake limp around for a little while, but you can probably parlay that into no housework, some massages, and a BJ or two.Bonne chance !

Remind me of this next WW game and I'll proxy you my first two day votes.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

If she's really 60-70 lbs overweight, you *have* to say something, no matter how difficult you anticipate that conversation. If she has tried and failed several diets, she obviously doesn't have the willpower on her own to succeed at losing the weight, so you'll need outside help (trainer, nutritionist, therapist, whatever). Maybe she'll respond better to an outsider driving her to lose weight rather than you as she's insecure and thinks you'll be judging her.

He already said he doesn't have the money for this. And it's very possible for him to waste thousands of dollars doing this.

 

[Dentist]

One of the worse parts is, that not only is your one trip across this world going to be with an overweight wife, but that this is going to cost you tens of thousands of extra dollars in health care since the overweight spend a ton more money on surgery, medications, etc. So this is going to compromise your retirement, kids college funds, etc.

And sadly you're probably going to lose her years before you would if she was willing to lose the weight. She may not see very many years if any as a grandmother.

What's the mom and sisters like, are they fat too?

 

[RUSF18]

Another angle...has she been to a doctor for a physical recently? If it's been a few years and the doctor sees the weight gain on the chart, you might have an ally.

 

[Rick James]

60-70 extra lbs on a woman is like an extra 150lbs on a guy. sorry OP

 

[trogg78]

A tapeworm should do the trick. Sorry if it's already been mentioned

 

[pats3in4]

If she's really 60-70 lbs overweight, you *have* to say something, no matter how difficult you anticipate that conversation. If she has tried and failed several diets, she obviously doesn't have the willpower on her own to succeed at losing the weight, so you'll need outside help (trainer, nutritionist, therapist, whatever). Maybe she'll respond better to an outsider driving her to lose weight rather than you as she's insecure and thinks you'll be judging her.

He already said he doesn't have the money for this. And it's very possible for him to waste thousands of dollars doing this.

I saw the comment about not having time or money to hire someone or spend an hour a day at the gym. I'm not saying finding the time or money is easy, but it's all about priorities. And if my spouse was 60-70 lbs overweight, getting her to a healthy weight (and lifestyle to keep it off...usually harder than losing the initial weight) would become a top priority.OP, find the time and money. Sacrifice elsewhere.

 

[Nipsey]

Take a lot of pictures and videos of her. Nothing gets someone more motivated to lose weight than seeing themselves looking big in a photo. You won't take any blame either, she'll blame herself.

 

[DA RAIDERS]

Seems that the OP is ignoring most of the serious advice. Coincidence? I don't think so. And he hasn't answered the how much does he weigh question has he?

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

If she's really 60-70 lbs overweight, you *have* to say something, no matter how difficult you anticipate that conversation. If she has tried and failed several diets, she obviously doesn't have the willpower on her own to succeed at losing the weight, so you'll need outside help (trainer, nutritionist, therapist, whatever). Maybe she'll respond better to an outsider driving her to lose weight rather than you as she's insecure and thinks you'll be judging her.

He already said he doesn't have the money for this. And it's very possible for him to waste thousands of dollars doing this.

I saw the comment about not having time or money to hire someone or spend an hour a day at the gym. I'm not saying finding the time or money is easy, but it's all about priorities. And if my spouse was 60-70 lbs overweight, getting her to a healthy weight (and lifestyle to keep it off...usually harder than losing the initial weight) would become a top priority.OP, find the time and money. Sacrifice elsewhere.

You seem to be assuming that spending the money will actually work. That is not a good assumption.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

Take a lot of pictures and videos of her. Nothing gets someone more motivated to lose weight than seeing themselves looking big in a photo. You won't take any blame either, she'll blame herself.

My guess is that she studiously avoids having her picture taken and gets mad at anyone that tries.

 

[Invaded?]

Seems that the OP is ignoring most of the serious advice. Coincidence? I don't think so. And he hasn't answered the how much does he weigh question has he?

What am I ignoring? I'm listening.And I'm 6'4" 200 lbs.

 

[pats3in4]

If she's really 60-70 lbs overweight, you *have* to say something, no matter how difficult you anticipate that conversation. If she has tried and failed several diets, she obviously doesn't have the willpower on her own to succeed at losing the weight, so you'll need outside help (trainer, nutritionist, therapist, whatever). Maybe she'll respond better to an outsider driving her to lose weight rather than you as she's insecure and thinks you'll be judging her.

He already said he doesn't have the money for this. And it's very possible for him to waste thousands of dollars doing this.

I saw the comment about not having time or money to hire someone or spend an hour a day at the gym. I'm not saying finding the time or money is easy, but it's all about priorities. And if my spouse was 60-70 lbs overweight, getting her to a healthy weight (and lifestyle to keep it off...usually harder than losing the initial weight) would become a top priority.OP, find the time and money. Sacrifice elsewhere.

You seem to be assuming that spending the money will actually work. That is not a good assumption.

No. See bolded above. The OP can correct me if I'm wrong, but I gather that she's tried several diets *on her own* and failed. She has no willpower. Sometimes we all need a kick in the pants from an outsider. Will money spent on an outsider attempting to drive her to a healthy weight work? I don't know. But she doesn't appear willing to drive herself and at her weight, this isn't acceptable.

 

[Bamboo Bill]

Take a lot of pictures and videos of her. Nothing gets someone more motivated to lose weight than seeing themselves looking big in a photo. You won't take any blame either, she'll blame herself.

this is solid.

 

[Zegras11]

If it hasn't already been said...Nothing you can say to her will matter one bit. She has to be the one to want to lose the weight and really dedicate her life to it. By you bringing it up or pushing her in any way, you will eventually end up looking like the jerk. For a short time, it may seem like it's working, but if she feels like she's being forced to lose weight, she will end up going back to her old ways in no time.Only true solution is you becoming a health nut and eating well and hitting the gym regularly. The more you increase your sex rank and start gaining your own confidence and attention of other women, the more she'll have to step her game up. It's definitely not an overnight thing, but you'll have to commit yourself for the next couple of years to it. If she responds than great. If she doesn't respond than you need to just decide if you can live with an overweight wife or start thinking about moving on.

:athol:

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

You seem to be assuming that spending the money will actually work. That is not a good assumption.

No. See bolded above. The OP can correct me if I'm wrong, but I gather that she's tried several diets *on her own* and failed. She has no willpower. Sometimes we all need a kick in the pants from an outsider. Will money spent on an outsider attempting to drive her to a healthy weight work? I don't know. But she doesn't appear willing to drive herself and at her weight, this isn't acceptable.

Right, I'm saying that hiring an outsider is expensive and often fails to accomplish the goal. If he does it there's a good chance he will be wasting thousands of dollars and will still have an overweight wife. It's easy for you to say he should sacrifice elsewhere but it isn't that simple.

 

[gianmarco]

Take a lot of pictures and videos of her. Nothing gets someone more motivated to lose weight than seeing themselves looking big in a photo. You won't take any blame either, she'll blame herself.

And hang them all over the house. Even better, just paste the refrigerator door with endless ### photos. Subtitle it with "So do you REALLY want that cupcake?"

 

[matuski]

Take a lot of pictures and videos of her. Nothing gets someone more motivated to lose weight than seeing themselves looking big in a photo. You won't take any blame either, she'll blame herself.

And hang them all over the house. Even better, just paste the refrigerator door with endless ### photos. Subtitle it with "So do you REALLY want that cupcake?"

Post them here for Otis.

 

[Tom Hagen]

One night, engage her in playful sex. Roll over, switch positions, pound her up against the wall (watch out for bacon strips on the paint, though.) At some point, "attempt" a romantic, acrobatic maneuver in which you toss her on to the bed or roll her over on top of you. As you do so, squeeze some bubble wrap you had hidden under the bed and then toss it aside and grab your back, yelling violently at the same time. As she watches your erection fade as you writhe around yelping "my back... my back !" she'll get the message. This works doubly because :1) You don't have to tell her she's fat.2) The "revelation" as it were will come while you were really into her physically, so she won't feel inadequate.Sure, you'll have to fake limp around for a little while, but you can probably parlay that into no housework, some massages, and a BJ or two.Bonne chance !

EvilGenius 72

 

[Flying Spaghetti Monster]

When I was in school I had this GF who was a solid nympho but average looking and a bit nuts. I swear we had sex like 8 times a day at least. We dated for about six months I lost about 25 pounds just from the workout.

 

[GTBilly]

Can't be bothered to read the thread because it's all been said before. In case no one has been blunt yet, you're screwed. There is no way your wife is going to lose 60lbs. You either deal with it, leave her or tell her she's fat(nicely and politely but you have to get the message through to her)and make sure she knows how much it bothers you. This will fester. It will bug you. Hope you can get through this.

 

[pats3in4]

You seem to be assuming that spending the money will actually work. That is not a good assumption.

No. See bolded above. The OP can correct me if I'm wrong, but I gather that she's tried several diets *on her own* and failed. She has no willpower. Sometimes we all need a kick in the pants from an outsider. Will money spent on an outsider attempting to drive her to a healthy weight work? I don't know. But she doesn't appear willing to drive herself and at her weight, this isn't acceptable.

Right, I'm saying that hiring an outsider is expensive and often fails to accomplish the goal. If he does it there's a good chance he will be wasting thousands of dollars and will still have an overweight wife. It's easy for you to say he should sacrifice elsewhere but it isn't that simple.

I agree in the sense that he's fighting an uphill battle no matter which route he goes and very well could waste the money. It's just that trying "more of the same" is guaranteed to fail. She tried the diets. She knows she's overweight, yet continues to find no internal spark to change things. I'll take slim chance over no chance for the lone reason she's obese and at a health risk.If I had to pick and choose where to spend the money, I'd start with therapist over nutritionist or trainer.

 

[DA RAIDERS]

:athol:

What means this?

 

[JFT Ben]

If it hasn't already been said...Nothing you can say to her will matter one bit. She has to be the one to want to lose the weight and really dedicate her life to it. By you bringing it up or pushing her in any way, you will eventually end up looking like the jerk. For a short time, it may seem like it's working, but if she feels like she's being forced to lose weight, she will end up going back to her old ways in no time.Only true solution is you becoming a health nut and eating well and hitting the gym regularly. The more you increase your sex rank and start gaining your own confidence and attention of other women, the more she'll have to step her game up. It's definitely not an overnight thing, but you'll have to commit yourself for the next couple of years to it. If she responds than great. If she doesn't respond than you need to just decide if you can live with an overweight wife or start thinking about moving on.

:athol:

Offdee for the win here. If you're a cardio-hound, start lifting weights for the bump in rank.I also recommend dragging your family (kicking and screaming if need be) to a paleo or primal lifestyle, check out MarksDailyApple for an intro (every Friday is a new success story). So much good to be had there, losing weight one of them. It's a committed lifestyle and not a fad diet.

 

[BuddyKnuckles]

Can't be bothered to read the thread because it's all been said before. In case no one has been blunt yet, you're screwed. There is no way your wife is going to lose 60lbs. You either deal with it, leave her or tell her she's fat(nicely and politely but you have to get the message through to her)and make sure she knows how much it bothers you. This will fester. It will bug you. Hope you can get through this.

this Canadian knows things. as i said on pg 2, this is a losing battle. deal with it or gtfo

 

[JFT Ben]

:athol:

What means this?

Author Athol Kay has some books on married man life, interesting stuff.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

I'll take slim chance over no chance for the lone reason she's obese and at a health risk.

I get it. I've spent lots of time and money and frustration chasing that "slim chance." Sounds like Buddyknuckles has too. I just don't want the OP to suffer from any illusions. Whatever he tries, It probably won't work.

 

[placebo]

If you don't want to be confrontational, go with the nutrition/health angle. Say you want everyone in the house to eat healthier. Say it's because of some documentary you watched, whatever. Later work in exercise. Yea any route is an uphill battle and will consume time and money. But there's not going to be an easy, convenient fix to this problem, so if you'd rather make excuses than changes, I guess you'll be living with a fat wife for the rest of your life.

 

[Zegras11]

:athol:

What means this?

Author Athol Kay has some books on married man life, interesting stuff.

Basically, you can only take care of yourself. Do that, and she either gets on board or you'll be in a better place down the road. She's the only one that can solve her problems.When you do this, there will be a point where she will have to choose either you or the things that cause her to eat too much.

 

[pats3in4]

I'll take slim chance over no chance for the lone reason she's obese and at a health risk.

I get it. I've spent lots of time and money and frustration chasing that "slim chance." Sounds like Buddyknuckles has too. I just don't want the OP to suffer from any illusions. Whatever he tries, It probably won't work.

Just curious, if you don't mind sharing...Was your focus on nutritionists, trainers, gym memberships, Weight Watchers, etc.? Did you go the therapist/counseling route?At 60-70 lbs overweight, I'm thinking the problem starts in the head.I don't recall BuddyKnuckles' list mentioning therapy.

 

[Tchula]

Bottom line is she has to have a reason to want to lose the weight

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

I'll take slim chance over no chance for the lone reason she's obese and at a health risk.

I get it. I've spent lots of time and money and frustration chasing that "slim chance." Sounds like Buddyknuckles has too. I just don't want the OP to suffer from any illusions. Whatever he tries, It probably won't work.

Just curious, if you don't mind sharing...Was your focus on nutritionists, trainers, gym memberships, Weight Watchers, etc.? Did you go the therapist/counseling route?At 60-70 lbs overweight, I'm thinking the problem starts in the head.I don't recall BuddyKnuckles' list mentioning therapy.

The most serious plan she did was a big doctor-supervised weight loss program. It involved weekly meetings with doctors, therapists, and nutritionists. There were also group sessions sorta like weight watchers I guess. It was very expensive. She lost a ton of weight, but she never reached her goal. She now appears to be in the process of gaining back much of what she lost.She also did a personal trainer for a little while. And she's done gym memberships and boot camp classes and other sorts of classes and diets and programs.

 

[offdee]

Bottom line is she has to have a reason to want to lose the weight

Unfortunately that reason is when it comes down to 2 things:1) She wants to impress you2) She wants to impress another manThe idea of my earlier post is in essence YOU becoming the different man by bettering yourself and making her uncomfortable at some level and get out of her comfort zone. If you don't do that, than she will just remain fat because she's too comfortable in your relationship to make any type of major effort that will be needed to recreate her body.When she gets nervous that you could leave her because of this issue than that is the only way this will click for her. Unfortunately words only hold so much weight and in this case are very dangerous...you need to let your ACTIONS start speaking for your displeasure.

 

[pats3in4]

Just curious, if you don't mind sharing...Was your focus on nutritionists, trainers, gym memberships, Weight Watchers, etc.? Did you go the therapist/counseling route?At 60-70 lbs overweight, I'm thinking the problem starts in the head.I don't recall BuddyKnuckles' list mentioning therapy.

The most serious plan she did was a big doctor-supervised weight loss program. It involved weekly meetings with doctors, therapists, and nutritionists. There were also group sessions sorta like weight watchers I guess. It was very expensive. She lost a ton of weight, but she never reached her goal. She now appears to be in the process of gaining back much of what she lost.

Between the doctors, therapists, nutritionists, group sessions, etc., which one did she respond most positively to? To which of these do you attribute most of her success in losing the weight?Now that she's gaining the weight back, which of these (if not everything) did she cease?

She also did a personal trainer for a little while.

No. 16 to the white courtesy phone!

 

[Ministry of Pain]

I'll start this off by saying that I love my wife, and that I don't want anything but for us to live a long and happy life together. She is an amazing wife and mother in almost all respects.

But, she's overweight. And not "just a couple pounds" overweight. We're talking probably at least 60-70 #'s higher than the day we said 'I do'. We've been married over 10 years and it's been about a year since the last kid. She's never been "skinny", and so I don't expect her to be that. But I'm getting to the point where it's really starting to bother me.

It's not that she doesn't know she's overweight. She knows it. She's always struggled with it. She's never been a lazy person, but she does have problems with food. You name the diet programs and she's tried them. Each time it just ends with me being frustrated that she's throwing money away by giving up X number of days/weeks into it, and her being upset at me for "not understanding".

I work full time. She works at home part-time while taking care of the kids (though we have a babysitter/nanny for more hours per day at home than I'd prefer). She's got a lot on her plate and we don't have the time or money to hire her a personal trainer/nutritionist and send her to the gym for an hour a day.

Meanwhile, sex has dropped off considerably over the last few years. Partially due to kids, I'll admit. But nowadays the kids are in bed by 8 or 9 and there's plenty of time that we COULD spend together. I think her weight gain has affected her sex drive considerably, and if she felt better about herself she would be a lot more interested. And I guess her weight gain has affected MY sex drive as well. I really find it amazing how our connection to each other really seems to ebb and flow with our sex life.

I DO know how hard it is for her. She doesn't want to weigh what she does. But right now her will to change is not greater than her will to eat or be healthy. I want her to get back to her old self for the purposes stated above, but I also want her to be around for a while, and she's not at a healthy weight.

She knows I'd prefer her skinnier, but I have NOT told her that it's really been bothering me. It's a delicate conversation and a delicate situation, where "Just tell her to get her fat ### in shape!" is just not the best approach.

I know everyone here has supermodel wives but maybe there's a few average FBG's who have come out on the victorious side of this problem and now have better-than-ever relationships with their wives. What did it take? What did you do?

All responses welcome.

We got all kinds of bad going on here....1. That attitude is not going to help you. You must stay out of acting like you know the 1st thing about health...they(females) don't want us(males) dictating what they can eat and such...you need to let an "expert". Did you give birth to the children? Do you fill up with blood and water and can't poop for several days everytime you have a period? No because you're a man and all you need is a bush to pee near...that's how they think of us my friend.

2. Why don't you just say your wife is a lazy no good witch who can't even take care of the kids without an assistant?

3. Are you upset that you can't have sex or are you perturbed that this heavyset woman that you probably think should fall down and perform sex every time she walks by suddenly isn't the slightest bit interested in you?

You all need professional counseling for the sake of these wonderful children. Don't give us money or time, you have health insurance to cover this...you must go get counseling and get you and your wife on the same page, otherwise eventually neither of you will talk to each other, you'll develop a drug habit, and you will end up at the mercy of some cheap prostitute you think is a "friend". Just go get professional help, forget the diet and your wife losing weight, you all have bigger problems here IMO.

I can't decide if this is 90% schtick or 100% schtick.

Ask these folks, I'm as serious as a heart attack. The inability to communicate with your wife in a positive manner is going to destroy your marriage. Mine just about died but fortunately I got some help...I hate to say it but this place came down on me like a bag of bricks and I did go get counseling for my wife and I. Since we went for marriage counseling we both have learned to respect and communicate with each other a bajillion times better. It's not perfect but a lot of the little things don't come up anymore, we both try to help each other with food choices...every once in a while the other one steps in and will say to the other "Is this really what we want"

We found more topics and interests we can share together, sex drive and frequency went way up...it's quite amazing how much women want to have sex with you when they feel close to you, know you're attracted to them, know you also respect their mind and enjoy conversations with each other.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

The most serious plan she did was a big doctor-supervised weight loss program. It involved weekly meetings with doctors, therapists, and nutritionists. There were also group sessions sorta like weight watchers I guess. It was very expensive. She lost a ton of weight, but she never reached her goal. She now appears to be in the process of gaining back much of what she lost.

Between the doctors, therapists, nutritionists, group sessions, etc., which one did she respond most positively to? To which of these do you attribute most of her success in losing the weight?Now that she's gaining the weight back, which of these (if not everything) did she cease?

I think it was a combination of the whole program combined with a "reward". I can't really say whether it was one thing more than another.She doesn't do any of that stuff anymore. She thought she could do it on her own, she got really busy with other stuff, and she felt guilty about how much money it was costing. We couldn't afford to do it indefinitely.

 

[Dan Lambskin]

Tell her if she doesn't lose 50 lbs she's gonna lose (insert your weight here)

Point to yourself while saying it for dramatic effect

 

[pats3in4]

The most serious plan she did was a big doctor-supervised weight loss program. It involved weekly meetings with doctors, therapists, and nutritionists. There were also group sessions sorta like weight watchers I guess. It was very expensive. She lost a ton of weight, but she never reached her goal. She now appears to be in the process of gaining back much of what she lost.

Between the doctors, therapists, nutritionists, group sessions, etc., which one did she respond most positively to? To which of these do you attribute most of her success in losing the weight?Now that she's gaining the weight back, which of these (if not everything) did she cease?

I think it was a combination of the whole program combined with a "reward". I can't really say whether it was one thing more than another.

What would be her answer? If you don't know, ask her.

She doesn't do any of that stuff anymore. She thought she could do it on her own, she got really busy with other stuff, and she felt guilty about how much money it was costing. We couldn't afford to do it indefinitely.

The bolded would have been my guess without asking. I have friends who have struggled with weight issues and I see how hard it is to win. Still, the thing I've seen with them is that the battle is primarily waged between the ears. If you cannot afford to go the whole nine yards replicating the prior program, see if you can at least redo the most effective part.

 

[Cunk]

I'll tell you what recently worked for us. We were in almost the same scenario as you.

What all turned it around is we watched Forks Over Knives. After that movie (which chronicles people living a vegan lifestyle after being staunch meat-fast-food-overeaters and shows the horrific ways of meat production) we decided to take the challenge together. We both lost some pounds and she re-discovered yoga and I re-discovered the gym. She has stayed on the vegan diet. While I made it perfectly clear that after the challenge I was going back to eating meat, I now eat a lot more veggies and the meat I do eat is just a compliment to the meal and not the focal point. I'd say at least 75% of my diet is vegan simply because she is and that's fine with me.

We have a CSA which means, during the spring, summer and fall, we have more veggies than any 2 people could possibly eat. This means we make huge portions of veggie dishes and we love them. You can eat as much as you want and be stuffed at the end.

She has dropped a ton of weight and it has done wonders for her. She still isn't thin and probably never will be. She never was and that's ok. But she's now on a track that keeps her and us really happy.

Just dieting (where it's a chore) or going to the gym to lose weight fast is no way to go. She has to enjoy what she's doing. Plus her going to yoga and me going to the gym gives us time for ourselves and makes us feel great when we're stuffing down all our fresh produce.

So perhaps you could suggest her try yoga? And perhaps take a challenge and have a vegan diet for a month? That may spring-start a healthier lifestyle. And when I say vegan I don't mean all that crap like fake hot-dogs and crap like that. That won't help although it's nice to have it once and a while and will keep you on track.

So this is working for us right now. She goes to yoga almost every day and hates it when she can't go but it's not an obsession. I go to the gym a couple of times a week. We really enjoy cooking our meals and eating together.

Ultimately she has to make a lifestyle change. Doing the vegan challenge made it a lot easier for us. I recommend you watch Forks Over Knives then just do it.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

Thanks pats3in4, but I think at this point I am probably somewhat close to the BuddyKnuckles view. Not sure I'm willing to do a whole lot anymore. Maybe it will change in time but I feel burned out after years of dealing with this stuff.

 

[GreatLakesMike]

i am not married but i know for dogs they say to give them less treats. skinnydogs#

 

[Chaka]

1. Tell her it bothers you. You've been married for 10 years. You should be able to communicate this.

2. You do the grocery shopping. If it isn't in the house, she can't eat it

3. Exercise with her. Even if it is just walking every night.

1. She already knows it bothers him.2. This isn't quite as easy as it sounds.

3. Neither is this, if you have busy schedules and kids.

You can't take the kids on the walk, too? Go to the park, and run after the kids.

As a single mom, it took me a while to lose the baby weight because I can't go to the gym (lack of baby sitter). I incorporated weight loss activities with my kid, even if it means pushing the stroller around the community.

The lack of time for a gym is a Bull#### excuse. You can get a great workout in each morning in about 20-30 mins (max) and using only a set of dumbells and your own body weight. The ruse that you have to go spend 2 hours at the gym to get in shape is bull####. Eat right and do pushups/situps and some dumbell exercises each morning and you'll shed the weight.

You must not have any kids, do you? And if you do, imagine trying to run with it solo + house maintenance + work FT + landscaping + cooking + all of the other crap like finances, food shopping, dr appts etc. I am full go from the time I get up until I put her to sleep at 8:30. I am truly exhausted and enjoy the 1-2 hr relax time that I get.

I do however, make time for physical activity. I walk up 30 flights of stairs and down 8 flights every day at work. I also walk with my daughter after work and have cut down my portions and eliminated snacking. So far, I've lost 55 pounds since my highest weight during my pregnancy. I only have 15 more lbs to go to get to my goal weight. You don't need a gym or wake up early to lose weight.

Hi Beavers, you make some valid points and I need to lose some weight myself but I gotta side with Ion on this...it's all excuses.

How is it possible for me to make it to the gym? Shall I leave my daughter with the homeless guys who hang outside the YMCA? Having a gym membership <> weight loss. We should be promoting that any type of physical activity that leads to the intended result is a good thing.

You're spot on beavers. It sounds like you are plenty active.

 

[Chaka]

in short, you're ####ed.no, seriously. People lose weight because they want to and no amount of tricks or prodding or begging on your part will make it happenI tried, in no particular order:- buying gym memberships for us both and prodding her to go with me every day- offering to cook all our meals- bought home gym equipment (treadmill, etc)- stopped having teh secks with her- complained to family and friends hoping it would get back to her- booked beach vacations hoping it would serve as motivationSorry GB, once they start down that path, 99.9% of 'em will never come back. Either deal with it or decide it's that important to you and get out now.ETA: i'm 6'4 and my wife weighs more than me . been dealing with this for at least 5 years. had my chance to get out ~4 years ago. Didn't. stuck now. i just get drunk when i know she wants teh secks, turn the lights off and go to a happy place (in my mind)

Get unstuck. That sounds like hell.

 

[Steve Tasker]

I'll tell you what recently worked for us. We were in almost the same scenario as you.

What all turned it around is we watched Forks Over Knives. After that movie (which chronicles people living a vegan lifestyle after being staunch meat-fast-food-overeaters and shows the horrific ways of meat production) we decided to take the challenge together. We both lost some pounds and she re-discovered yoga and I re-discovered the gym. She has stayed on the vegan diet. While I made it perfectly clear that after the challenge I was going back to eating meat, I now eat a lot more veggies and the meat I do eat is just a compliment to the meal and not the focal point. I'd say at least 75% of my diet is vegan simply because she is and that's fine with me.

We have a CSA which means, during the spring, summer and fall, we have more veggies than any 2 people could possibly eat. This means we make huge portions of veggie dishes and we love them. You can eat as much as you want and be stuffed at the end.

She has dropped a ton of weight and it has done wonders for her. She still isn't thin and probably never will be. She never was and that's ok. But she's now on a track that keeps her and us really happy.

Just dieting (where it's a chore) or going to the gym to lose weight fast is no way to go. She has to enjoy what she's doing. Plus her going to yoga and me going to the gym gives us time for ourselves and makes us feel great when we're stuffing down all our fresh produce.

So perhaps you could suggest her try yoga? And perhaps take a challenge and have a vegan diet for a month? That may spring-start a healthier lifestyle. And when I say vegan I don't mean all that crap like fake hot-dogs and crap like that. That won't help although it's nice to have it once and a while and will keep you on track.

So this is working for us right now. She goes to yoga almost every day and hates it when she can't go but it's not an obsession. I go to the gym a couple of times a week. We really enjoy cooking our meals and eating together.

Ultimately she has to make a lifestyle change. Doing the vegan challenge made it a lot easier for us. I recommend you watch Forks Over Knives then just do it.

almonds

 

[Chaka]

house maintenance + work FT + landscaping + cooking + all of the other crap like finances, food shopping, dr appts etc.

Good point.. you're the only person on the planet who has to do all this stuff. Nevermind. You win.

I do however, make time for physical activity. I walk up 30 flights of stairs and down 8 flights every day at work. I also walk with my daughter after work and have cut down my portions and eliminated snacking. So far, I've lost 55 pounds since my highest weight during my pregnancy. I only have 15 more lbs to go to get to my goal weight. You don't need a gym or wake up early to lose weight.

Where did i specify that you HAD to get up early... and I specified that you DON'T need to go to a gym, which you seem to agree with. Why are you arguing?Losing weight is 80% diet and 20% exercise (if not more). I've seen it 100 times... some woman wallowing in self pity about how she can't lose the baby weight and doesn't have time to lose weight. Bull####. Swing a kettle bell for 15 minutes 3 times a week and stop drinking 500 calorie Starbucks mocacrapachino #### every time you're out driving around. Stop getting yourself a "little cheeseburger" as a snack when you get the kids mcdonalds while out on the run. Stop dipping your veggies in ranch because "you hate veggies". It's all bull####. This isn't rocket science.... and yes, The "I don't have time to go to the gym so I can't lolse weight" IS a bull#### excuse being made by someone who is too lazy. Period.

You are a single parent too with full custody? If so, then you truly understand the difference between a 1 parent and a 2 parent household.I agree with you but saying "I don't have time for physical activity" is a much better statement than "I don't have time for the gym."

You know how I know you're a woman?

Because you can dive into an argument by completely misinterpret my post due to only reading the first sentence, then after getting called out on it somehow continue your argument by transforming it into a fight over semantics.

That's how.

It seems to me that you didn't read the part where beavers very clearly gave examples about how she is very physically active all day, every day (you quoted it but it really doesn't seem like you actually read it). She's doing fine on her activity and the 55 lbs in 18 months (.75lbs/week) indicates patience, dedication and consistency. I think you're off base chastising her.

 

[Wrigley]

Read the 4 hour body together.

 

[Please See Mine]

wait, wait, wait . . . Beavers is a woman?!

 

[Zow]

Offdee nailed it. Better yourself and if she has any interest in changing that'll be the push. Be cool with her, be great in her presence by dieting and working out, and be gone to things she can't do if need be. That is the Tao of Steve.

 

[Zow]

No wonder bk gets all fussy in the Zimmerman thread. Good god that sounds miserable.