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My wife, she's... overweight. (5 Viewers)
- Thread starter Invaded?
- Start date
Wrighteous Ray
Footballguy
My impression is that the OP is unwilling to do this. It isn't easy when you have kids.If my s/o blew up and threw a temper tantrum like a 3 year old when I tried to discuss it... I'd likely follow this approach.
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Insoxicated
As posted in this thread, I started packing a couple extra on and she hinted around about it then started working out herself and mentioned she wanted me to get healthier. I got the hint and did something about it. Doing better already (at the weight I was when we met) and should be at my goal weight (lighter than when we first started dating) in another month or two. She didn't drop an ultimatum (and I don't advocate dropping one on your wife as a first course of action).... but we are both adults enough to be able to discuss that sort of stuff without betting butthurt.what if the tables were turned, and she was posting on a cupcake wars site about how you have become a quick shot lately and she confronted you about needing to hold the forces at bay, so to speak, or she was going to hit the highway?
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Insoxicated
RUSF18
Footballguy
I think your best bet is to approach it from the sex angle. You guys need to talk about the slowing down of your sex life and how you fear it could affect your relationship down the road. She needs to realize that her lack of confidence in her body is what is causing it, and that will be the best way for her to motivate herself to change. If you tell her, you're going to hurt her even more.
ATC1
Footballguy
Invaded? This was me 2 years ago. Almost mirror image. One day my wife was just fed up with it. Women need the self motivation. She decided to eat better (less portions on weekends, healthier foods on weekdays). She made herself a runner (never been an active person before) by paying for a half marathon she could not get refunded on. I told her I was going to do it with her and that helped, but she doesn't like when I become the coach. We run at separate times, but always tell each other how the run went and what our time was. She has lost 75 lbs and looks great. We will run our first marathon together in January. To reward herself, she got a boob job because when she lost the weight the girls did look pitiful. She kept saying 10 more lbs and I can get the girls done. She needs a good reward at the goal weight. (A dress she always wanted to look good in, a trip to X, etc. It is very hard, but doable with the right motivation. Now the drive is better, overall happiness is better, our marriage is better. The key is to stick to it. In before the "Your wife is cheating on you shtick."
B-Deep
Footballguy
to tell the truth the idea of women posting about their quickshot or impotent husbands/boyfriends on a cupcake wars thread just popped into my head ans was entertainingAs posted in this thread, I started packing a couple extra on and she hinted around about it then started working out herself and mentioned she wanted me to get healthier. I got the hint and did something about it. Doing better already (at the weight I was when we met) and should be at my goal weight (lighter than when we first started dating) in another month or two. She didn't drop an ultimatum (and I don't advocate dropping one on your wife as a first course of action).... but we are both adults enough to be able to discuss that sort of stuff without betting butthurt.what if the tables were turned, and she was posting on a cupcake wars site about how you have become a quick shot lately and she confronted you about needing to hold the forces at bay, so to speak, or she was going to hit the highway?
We are already at that stage. As someone says, she knows it. I know it. She knows I know it. What do I do about it?There have been some good suggestions on what I could do to help, and I'm definitely going to step it up. I still don't know how to convince her that SHE needs to want it more than I do.As posted in this thread, I started packing a couple extra on and she hinted around about it then started working out herself and mentioned she wanted me to get healthier. I got the hint and did something about it. Doing better already (at the weight I was when we met) and should be at my goal weight (lighter than when we first started dating) in another month or two. She didn't drop an ultimatum (and I don't advocate dropping one on your wife as a first course of action).... but we are both adults enough to be able to discuss that sort of stuff without betting butthurt.what if the tables were turned, and she was posting on a cupcake wars site about how you have become a quick shot lately and she confronted you about needing to hold the forces at bay, so to speak, or she was going to hit the highway?
Seriously there's no possible way to have the conversation some guys are advocating. Same goes for other issues, not just weight. I can totally relate to the guy that said he goes to some happy place in his mind when they have sechs. A counselor might help but it's a longshot. Any conversation the man initiates just makes everything worse lol.
This is accurate. If we didn't have kids I'd definitely be more forceful about it, but even then I wouldn't WANT to leave her or anything like that.Then again, if we didn't have kids we wouldn't have the same types issues we do now.My impression is that the OP is unwilling to do this. It isn't easy when you have kids.
Cliff Clavin
Footballguy
No wonder marriages fail so often. If you can't have a conversation like this, you don't have much of a relationship.
If the gym is hard to do, you two should work out in front of the TV. You could do Exercise TV (tons of workouts on there) or even buy Zumba or something. I'd suggest something like Insanity or P90X but my guess is that this would be too hard for her at first. Zumba would be fun and easy to start.We are already at that stage. As someone says, she knows it. I know it. She knows I know it. What do I do about it?There have been some good suggestions on what I could do to help, and I'm definitely going to step it up. I still don't know how to convince her that SHE needs to want it more than I do.As posted in this thread, I started packing a couple extra on and she hinted around about it then started working out herself and mentioned she wanted me to get healthier. I got the hint and did something about it. Doing better already (at the weight I was when we met) and should be at my goal weight (lighter than when we first started dating) in another month or two. She didn't drop an ultimatum (and I don't advocate dropping one on your wife as a first course of action).... but we are both adults enough to be able to discuss that sort of stuff without betting butthurt.what if the tables were turned, and she was posting on a cupcake wars site about how you have become a quick shot lately and she confronted you about needing to hold the forces at bay, so to speak, or she was going to hit the highway?
shader
Footballguy
Depriving a woman of sex, when she already doesn't want it.... That sounds like a gift not a potential motivator.
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Insoxicated
This is sad to think that so many men are brainwashed into thinking that something as simple as body composition is completely off the table as a conversational topic. Wow.
DA RAIDERS
Footballguy
#### doesn't come for free. it takes work and COMMITMENT. i can not stress the commitment enough. something has to be more important than giving in. for me it was gout. mind numbingly painful gout where i could not function.
your love for her and the desire to keep your relationship alive and well sounds like it is that important to you. is it to her? after 10 years, you should be able to have that conversation with her.
i have lost 20 lbs over the last 3 months. i weighed 200 and now weigh 180. i haven't weighed 180 in over 15 years. this was accomplished with absolutely no change in exercise habits, ie: zero exercise. regular exercise is going to be the next health change i bring into my life.
this is what i did. i stopped drinking alcohol, i drank a couple drinks nearly everyday before. i ate no animal protein other than cheese and eggs. that's it, NO other changes. i eat virtually nothing processed, i do not drink soda. if it comes in a box, bag or is frozen, don't eat it. this is HARD to do, but it's possible. my wife was completely in my corner and helped me tremendously by finding ways to make veggies/pasta/rice/etc taste good. again, it's a pain in the ###, but it's worth it! and sometimes it SUCKED big time!! steamers on the pier, not for me! i get to watch everyone else eat
couple beers at the ballgame? nope!! etc, etc........
i have slowly started to incorporate a drink here and there and have started eating fish and the occasional legged animal. but i am still being VERY rigorous out of straight up fear that the gout will return. we'll see how far off the militant diet wagon i fall, but the pain was so bad for me, that i really think i have made a life style change that i will stick with from here on out.
good luck.
your love for her and the desire to keep your relationship alive and well sounds like it is that important to you. is it to her? after 10 years, you should be able to have that conversation with her.
i have lost 20 lbs over the last 3 months. i weighed 200 and now weigh 180. i haven't weighed 180 in over 15 years. this was accomplished with absolutely no change in exercise habits, ie: zero exercise. regular exercise is going to be the next health change i bring into my life.
this is what i did. i stopped drinking alcohol, i drank a couple drinks nearly everyday before. i ate no animal protein other than cheese and eggs. that's it, NO other changes. i eat virtually nothing processed, i do not drink soda. if it comes in a box, bag or is frozen, don't eat it. this is HARD to do, but it's possible. my wife was completely in my corner and helped me tremendously by finding ways to make veggies/pasta/rice/etc taste good. again, it's a pain in the ###, but it's worth it! and sometimes it SUCKED big time!! steamers on the pier, not for me! i get to watch everyone else eat
couple beers at the ballgame? nope!! etc, etc........i have slowly started to incorporate a drink here and there and have started eating fish and the occasional legged animal. but i am still being VERY rigorous out of straight up fear that the gout will return. we'll see how far off the militant diet wagon i fall, but the pain was so bad for me, that i really think i have made a life style change that i will stick with from here on out.
good luck.
B-Deep
Footballguy
what do fancy pants have to do with anything?http://c-product.images.fansedge.com/32-27/32-27483-Y.jpgIf the gym is hard to do, you two should work out in front of the TV. You could do Exercise TV (tons of workouts on there) or even buy Zumba or something. I'd suggest something like Insanity or P90X but my guess is that this would be too hard for her at first. Zumba would be fun and easy to start.We are already at that stage. As someone says, she knows it. I know it. She knows I know it. What do I do about it?There have been some good suggestions on what I could do to help, and I'm definitely going to step it up. I still don't know how to convince her that SHE needs to want it more than I do.As posted in this thread, I started packing a couple extra on and she hinted around about it then started working out herself and mentioned she wanted me to get healthier. I got the hint and did something about it. Doing better already (at the weight I was when we met) and should be at my goal weight (lighter than when we first started dating) in another month or two. She didn't drop an ultimatum (and I don't advocate dropping one on your wife as a first course of action).... but we are both adults enough to be able to discuss that sort of stuff without betting butthurt.what if the tables were turned, and she was posting on a cupcake wars site about how you have become a quick shot lately and she confronted you about needing to hold the forces at bay, so to speak, or she was going to hit the highway?
Ministry of Pain
Footballguy
Perfect, get a good stroller, one of those you could easily job behind if you wanted, they make some now that don't have a lot of storage on them, specifically designed for outdoor active folks. Take the kids for a stroll and know that it is as much for your comfort as theirs.
rifkin
Footballguy
Approach this from a health perspective and focus on the nutrition if finding time for exercise is difficult. Check your Health Plan and see if allows for paid visits with a nutritionist as most do now. A nutritionist can really help get you on the right track and not some fad diet.
Ministry of Pain
Footballguy
Sorry BK, that can't be fun. You need your own thread, we'll get to you later in the weekin short, you're ####ed.
no, seriously. People lose weight because they want to and no amount of tricks or prodding or begging on your part will make it happen
I tried, in no particular order:
- buying gym memberships for us both and prodding her to go with me every day
- offering to cook all our meals
- bought home gym equipment (treadmill, etc)
- stopped having teh secks with her
- complained to family and friends hoping it would get back to her
- booked beach vacations hoping it would serve as motivation
Sorry GB, once they start down that path, 99.9% of 'em will never come back. Either deal with it or decide it's that important to you and get out now.
ETA: i'm 6'4 and my wife weighs more than me. been dealing with this for at least 5 years. had my chance to get out ~4 years ago. Didn't. stuck now. i just get drunk when i know she wants teh secks, turn the lights off and go to a happy place (in my mind)
ATC1
Footballguy
TheAristocrat
Footballguy
I could stand to gain about 20-25 pounds so if they have a process of transferring fat to another body, I'm your huckleberry.
Wrighteous Ray
Footballguy
ATC1's post from last page was the first success story so far. He should post more about it. The "reward" scenario doesn't necessarily always work as well as it did for him, though.
offdee
Footballguy
If it hasn't already been said...
Nothing you can say to her will matter one bit. She has to be the one to want to lose the weight and really dedicate her life to it. By you bringing it up or pushing her in any way, you will eventually end up looking like the jerk. For a short time, it may seem like it's working, but if she feels like she's being forced to lose weight, she will end up going back to her old ways in no time.
Only true solution is you becoming a health nut and eating well and hitting the gym regularly. The more you increase your sex rank and start gaining your own confidence and attention of other women, the more she'll have to step her game up. It's definitely not an overnight thing, but you'll have to commit yourself for the next couple of years to it. If she responds than great. If she doesn't respond than you need to just decide if you can live with an overweight wife or start thinking about moving on.
Nothing you can say to her will matter one bit. She has to be the one to want to lose the weight and really dedicate her life to it. By you bringing it up or pushing her in any way, you will eventually end up looking like the jerk. For a short time, it may seem like it's working, but if she feels like she's being forced to lose weight, she will end up going back to her old ways in no time.
Only true solution is you becoming a health nut and eating well and hitting the gym regularly. The more you increase your sex rank and start gaining your own confidence and attention of other women, the more she'll have to step her game up. It's definitely not an overnight thing, but you'll have to commit yourself for the next couple of years to it. If she responds than great. If she doesn't respond than you need to just decide if you can live with an overweight wife or start thinking about moving on.
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Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
The old 5 to 7 pounds a year trick. Nothing you notice right away.... nothing you notice right away. Then about 10 years goes by and you wake up one morning and realize you're LIVING WITH HER MOM !!!!!!!!!!!!! OH OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!
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Insoxicated
Be careful when kicking her big ### to the curb though. Use good form or you could break your foot.
Anyone use any of the Kinect trainers? I'm trying to come up with a morning workout that we could do together that is interesting and at the right level of workout to start. She's been sporadically getting up early to exercise and maybe I can figure out a way to get up with her before the kids do and help her keep a more rigid schedule.
Corky
Footballguy
Athol?
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
One night, engage her in playful sex. Roll over, switch positions, pound her up against the wall (watch out for bacon strips on the paint, though.) At some point, "attempt" a romantic, acrobatic maneuver in which you toss her on to the bed or roll her over on top of you. As you do so, squeeze some bubble wrap you had hidden under the bed and then toss it aside and grab your back, yelling violently at the same time. As she watches your erection fade as you writhe around yelping "my back... my back !" she'll get the message.
This works doubly because :
1) You don't have to tell her she's fat.
2) The "revelation" as it were will come while you were really into her physically, so she won't feel inadequate.
Sure, you'll have to fake limp around for a little while, but you can probably parlay that into no housework, some massages, and a BJ or two.
Bonne chance !
This works doubly because :
1) You don't have to tell her she's fat.
2) The "revelation" as it were will come while you were really into her physically, so she won't feel inadequate.
Sure, you'll have to fake limp around for a little while, but you can probably parlay that into no housework, some massages, and a BJ or two.
Bonne chance !
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Insoxicated
KEttle Bell swings. Seriously. So simple... takes 15 mins... and works. I can't think of anything on the Kinect that will compare even at a 45 minute investment. That said, SOMETHING is better than nothing. Asked before and missed the answer.... where are her nutritional holes? What are her snacking habits? What are her weak foods? What is she doing wrong?
B-Deep
Footballguy
this seems flawless, i officially endorse this plan!
ATC1
Footballguy
If it helps, my wife is a stubborn lawyer. She got feed up with it and that was it. However, I think if you get up with her in the morning, it will push her indirectly on those days she does not want to get up to exercise. If it becomes habit, you will have better success.
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Insoxicated
BuddyKnuckles
Footballguy
Yeah, I understand, but it's got to be something she wants to do, at least to start. Just trying to think of something interesting as a starting point.I'll talk with her and get an eating log started and see if I can figure out where she needs to improve.
You lost me about right here.
Angry Beavers
Footballguy
She has to want to change, and by want, I mean willing to make the sacrifices to make the change happen. We all want to do certain things. Being wiling to sacrifice to achieve those goals is different than wanting.
Has she had any health issues? As has been said 100X already, use the health angle, it is likely your safest route to go.
Good Luck!
Has she had any health issues? As has been said 100X already, use the health angle, it is likely your safest route to go.
Good Luck!
Angry Beavers
Footballguy
Evilgrin 72 with the POTD!
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Insoxicated
FYI this only works if she logs everything and is honest about it. If she doesn't log the Snickers bar because she is ashamed then it won't work. If she doesn't log the 800 calorie Starbucks Whipped Fattachino because it's just a drink it won't work. If she eats a 8" square slice of lasagna and logs it as a 4" square slice it won't work:( Despite my posts here I do wish you the best. Good luck man.
FatMax
Member
This has other advantages. Around the house, I'm known as Major Boner. My wife has been angling for a promotion, but she's stuck at Sergeant. So she has to do the dishes and cleaning, and I can rape her have sex with her whenever I feel like it.
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
You need to read the rest of the post. It's a trap!
SacramentoBob
Footballguy
Best advice so far.
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
This advice will destroy the marriage. My plan will get the OP a thinner wife, out of housework/chores/errands, his butt parked on the couch watching TV, and multiple blowies, all for the cost of some bubble wrap.
Sand
Footballguy
This didn't get nearly enough love. (I guess, in the spirit of this thread, enough big love.)
The Z Machine
Footballguy
You need to limit her portion size... slowly, without her knowing it. GLLLLLLL
pats3in4
Footballguy
If she's really 60-70 lbs overweight, you *have* to say something, no matter how difficult you anticipate that conversation. If she has tried and failed several diets, she obviously doesn't have the willpower on her own to succeed at losing the weight, so you'll need outside help (trainer, nutritionist, therapist, whatever). Maybe she'll respond better to an outsider driving her to lose weight rather than you as she's insecure and thinks you'll be judging her.
