My wife, she's... overweight. (5 Viewers)

[Wrighteous Ray]

I'll echo what Shady said. Eating is 80% of weight loss. You'd be surprise how much food you can eat with low calories if you just took the time to find recipes and cook the meals. I'd focus on calories in vs calories out. Don't worry about carbs, fat, etc. Set yourselves up with a daily calorie intake around 500 lower than you burn. That's not too dramatic but yet it will let you lose enough weight to keep you motivated. I could set you up with at least 5 recipes that taste good, are filling, low in calories, and extremely health for you. The most important part is to understand that you have to be dedicated and stick to the new way of eating. No more than one cheat day per week (if you must), and try to stay away from fast food and junk. If you started July 1, you guys could be 25lbs lighter by Christmas. Good luck.

I think this misses the point. The OP isn't having any weight issues of his own. He's already eating fine. His wife isn't. Fixing his problem is a lot harder.

 

[eoMMan]

I speak from experience (I lost 45 lbs since Jan 1). Exercise is much less important than caloric intake. Focus on the food first.

They always say that six pack abs are made in the kitchen and not so much in the gym.

 

[Ministry of Pain]

Can you do something together? Taking walks, riding bikes? Something you can do together?Plan some healthy menus togetherGood Lucjk

We can't really do anything together unless it involves dragging all the kids along (which is getting more and more possible, but we're not there yet). Even then, there's just not a lot of time in the evenings to do stuff like that. We take family walks when we can, but it's not often.I think planning some healthy menus together is probably the best first step I can take to becoming pro-active about this. As my wife has said before, it's hard not only to plan healthy living, but to cook it. Our evenings are just really hectic, and it's hard to always eat healthy. That said, we don't eat terrible as it stands now. There is some processed stuff that we eat (fish sticks now and then for the kids, etc.), but we eat a lot of grilled food (chicken, beef, pork), plenty of green beans/broccoli/other veggies, salads, etc.I think the main problem is she needs to condition herself to eat LESS, and not to cave and eat bad stuff when I'm not around.However, I have tried to play the part of the bad guy before with respect to her diet, and it always turns out poorly.

myfitnesspal. Trust me. Itll open both your eyes as to how much you are eating.

Great posting, writing down everything you eat is like murder for fat people...your eyeballs pop out of your head after the first couple days. It's about accountability and desire...if a fat person had either of them they wouldn't be fat. The tiniest of tiny % of people have some sort of born illness that makes them heavy. The avg person who simply does 20-30 minutes of light exercise which would mean walking, eats a fairly consistent diet with the right amount of calories for their bodies, these folks don't get fat. Most humans should not gain weight.

 

[beavers]

1. Tell her it bothers you. You've been married for 10 years. You should be able to communicate this.

2. You do the grocery shopping. If it isn't in the house, she can't eat it

3. Exercise with her. Even if it is just walking every night.

1. She already knows it bothers him.2. This isn't quite as easy as it sounds.

3. Neither is this, if you have busy schedules and kids.

You can't take the kids on the walk, too? Go to the park, and run after the kids.

As a single mom, it took me a while to lose the baby weight because I can't go to the gym (lack of baby sitter). I incorporated weight loss activities with my kid, even if it means pushing the stroller around the community.

The lack of time for a gym is a Bull#### excuse. You can get a great workout in each morning in about 20-30 mins (max) and using only a set of dumbells and your own body weight. The ruse that you have to go spend 2 hours at the gym to get in shape is bull####. Eat right and do pushups/situps and some dumbell exercises each morning and you'll shed the weight.

You must not have any kids, do you? And if you do, imagine trying to run with it solo + house maintenance + work FT + landscaping + cooking + all of the other crap like finances, food shopping, dr appts etc. I am full go from the time I get up until I put her to sleep at 8:30. I am truly exhausted and enjoy the 1-2 hr relax time that I get.

I do however, make time for physical activity. I walk up 30 flights of stairs and down 8 flights every day at work. I also walk with my daughter after work and have cut down my portions and eliminated snacking. So far, I've lost 55 pounds since my highest weight during my pregnancy. I only have 15 more lbs to go to get to my goal weight. You don't need a gym or wake up early to lose weight.

Hi Beavers, you make some valid points and I need to lose some weight myself but I gotta side with Ion on this...it's all excuses.

How is it possible for me to make it to the gym? Shall I leave my daughter with the homeless guys who hang outside the YMCA? Having a gym membership <> weight loss. We should be promoting that any type of physical activity that leads to the intended result is a good thing.

 

[Invaded?]

1. Tell her it bothers you. You've been married for 10 years. You should be able to communicate this.

2. You do the grocery shopping. If it isn't in the house, she can't eat it

3. Exercise with her. Even if it is just walking every night.

1. She already knows it bothers him.2. This isn't quite as easy as it sounds.

3. Neither is this, if you have busy schedules and kids.

You can't take the kids on the walk, too? Go to the park, and run after the kids.

As a single mom, it took me a while to lose the baby weight because I can't go to the gym (lack of baby sitter). I incorporated weight loss activities with my kid, even if it means pushing the stroller around the community.

It really is harder than it sounds. And she's not going to lose the kind of weight we're talking about by taking walks after dinner.

 

[Plorfu]

She's got a lot on her plate

Not for long.

 

[[icon]]

house maintenance + work FT + landscaping + cooking + all of the other crap like finances, food shopping, dr appts etc.

Good point.. you're the only person on the planet who has to do all this stuff. Nevermind. You win.

I do however, make time for physical activity. I walk up 30 flights of stairs and down 8 flights every day at work. I also walk with my daughter after work and have cut down my portions and eliminated snacking. So far, I've lost 55 pounds since my highest weight during my pregnancy. I only have 15 more lbs to go to get to my goal weight. You don't need a gym or wake up early to lose weight.

Where did i specify that you HAD to get up early... and I specified that you DON'T need to go to a gym, which you seem to agree with. Why are you arguing?Losing weight is 80% diet and 20% exercise (if not more). I've seen it 100 times... some woman wallowing in self pity about how she can't lose the baby weight and doesn't have time to lose weight. Bull####. Swing a kettle bell for 15 minutes 3 times a week and stop drinking 500 calorie Starbucks mocacrapachino #### every time you're out driving around. Stop getting yourself a "little cheeseburger" as a snack when you get the kids mcdonalds while out on the run. Stop dipping your veggies in ranch because "you hate veggies". It's all bull####. This isn't rocket science.... and yes, The "I don't have time to go to the gym so I can't lolse weight" IS a bull#### excuse being made by someone who is too lazy. Period.

ETA: this is not directed at Beavers as she seems to have had some success losing weight. Congrats. This is directed at women in general who do stupid #### nutritionally when wonder why they're packing on the pounds.

 

[beavers]

1. Tell her it bothers you. You've been married for 10 years. You should be able to communicate this.

2. You do the grocery shopping. If it isn't in the house, she can't eat it

3. Exercise with her. Even if it is just walking every night.

1. She already knows it bothers him.2. This isn't quite as easy as it sounds.

3. Neither is this, if you have busy schedules and kids.

You can't take the kids on the walk, too? Go to the park, and run after the kids.

As a single mom, it took me a while to lose the baby weight because I can't go to the gym (lack of baby sitter). I incorporated weight loss activities with my kid, even if it means pushing the stroller around the community.

It really is harder than it sounds. And she's not going to lose the kind of weight we're talking about by taking walks after dinner.

I lost 55 lbs in 18 months without a gym membership. It didn't happen overnight and don't expect it to do so with your wife. It is possible if she cuts her calories and eats less processed food.

 

[BuddyKnuckles]

in short, you're ####ed.

no, seriously. People lose weight because they want to and no amount of tricks or prodding or begging on your part will make it happen

I tried, in no particular order:

- buying gym memberships for us both and prodding her to go with me every day

- offering to cook all our meals

- bought home gym equipment (treadmill, etc)

- stopped having teh secks with her

- complained to family and friends hoping it would get back to her

- booked beach vacations hoping it would serve as motivation

Sorry GB, once they start down that path, 99.9% of 'em will never come back. Either deal with it or decide it's that important to you and get out now.

ETA: i'm 6'4 and my wife weighs more than me . been dealing with this for at least 5 years. had my chance to get out ~4 years ago. Didn't. stuck now. i just get drunk when i know she wants teh secks, turn the lights off and go to a happy place (in my mind)

 

[Invaded?]

She knows she is overweight so you do not have to tell her.

Be careful with what you say. She is probably pretty upset with herself. You do not want to light that fuse.

Tell her that you want to improve your health and that you want to make sure that your kids grow up in a healhty house. Tell her that you two need to set the example for the kids by eating right and getting exercise. Exercise together. Exercise with the kids. Ride bikes. Go for walks. Go to the park. Play soccer, basketball, wiffle ball, kick ball,and any game you can think of outdoors.

Pretty much spot on. It's very difficult. This is not a 2 year non-marriage relationship.

 

[Ministry of Pain]

How is it possible for me to make it to the gym? Shall I leave my daughter with the homeless guys who hang outside the YMCA? Having a gym membership <> weight loss. We should be promoting that any type of physical activity that leads to the intended result is a good thing.

How old are your kids? If they can be in a stroller or push thingy, just load them up and go for a walk. If they can ride bikes then take them to the park and go outside. Who takes these children out each day for fresh air?

 

[[icon]]

The lack of time for a gym is a Bull#### excuse. You can get a great workout in each morning in about 20-30 mins (max) and using only a set of dumbells and your own body weight.

The ruse that you have to go spend 2 hours at the gym to get in shape is bull####. Eat right and do pushups/situps and some dumbell exercises each morning and you'll shed the weight.

You must not have any kids, do you? And if you do, imagine trying to run with it solo + house maintenance + work FT + landscaping + cooking + all of the other crap like finances, food shopping, dr appts etc. I am full go from the time I get up until I put her to sleep at 8:30. I am truly exhausted and enjoy the 1-2 hr relax time that I get.

I do however, make time for physical activity. I walk up 30 flights of stairs and down 8 flights every day at work. I also walk with my daughter after work and have cut down my portions and eliminated snacking. So far, I've lost 55 pounds since my highest weight during my pregnancy. I only have 15 more lbs to go to get to my goal weight. You don't need a gym or wake up early to lose weight.

Hi Beavers, you make some valid points and I need to lose some weight myself but I gotta side with Ion on this...it's all excuses.

How is it possible for me to make it to the gym? Shall I leave my daughter with the homeless guys who hang outside the YMCA? Having a gym membership <> weight loss. We should be promoting that any type of physical activity that leads to the intended result is a good thing.

Maybe someday you'll learn that you have to read more than the first sentence of a paragraph to understand the poster's message.... maybe.

 

[Kanil]

Has anyone given the response, "I dumped her 10 years ago, that's when she started dating you!"?

If not, that's my response.

 

[Invaded?]

You know that she knows it is a problem - so what good will this conversation do, other than to inflict more emotional damage on a wife that from the sounds of it she is already beating herself up about.

Tell you what. How about this? You just be completely honest with her.

"Honey I love you with all my heart and soul and I could never dream of a future without you - you are the mother of my children and my wife. But I need for you to understand that when I "F" you and the fat slops roll around you like some beached walrus I throw up a little in my mouth. You have to lose some weigh or else I am going to start using pron because I could ever cheat on you and I would NEVER want to divorce you. I know it is difficult for both you and me but your weight has got to go."

 

[jamny]

Can you do something together? Taking walks, riding bikes? Something you can do together?Plan some healthy menus togetherGood Lucjk

We can't really do anything together unless it involves dragging all the kids along (which is getting more and more possible, but we're not there yet). Even then, there's just not a lot of time in the evenings to do stuff like that. We take family walks when we can, but it's not often.I think planning some healthy menus together is probably the best first step I can take to becoming pro-active about this. As my wife has said before, it's hard not only to plan healthy living, but to cook it. Our evenings are just really hectic, and it's hard to always eat healthy. That said, we don't eat terrible as it stands now. There is some processed stuff that we eat (fish sticks now and then for the kids, etc.), but we eat a lot of grilled food (chicken, beef, pork), plenty of green beans/broccoli/other veggies, salads, etc.I think the main problem is she needs to condition herself to eat LESS, and not to cave and eat bad stuff when I'm not around.However, I have tried to play the part of the bad guy before with respect to her diet, and it always turns out poorly.

myfitnesspal. Trust me. Itll open both your eyes as to how much you are eating.

Great app. Got us to eliminate most sugar. Only drink water or flavored seltzer now. And now I always look at the Nutritional charts.

 

[Ministry of Pain]

I knew when MOP was replying there would be something..interesting to readi am not saying something good or bad, but something interesting

Here, let's just put the bulletin points up now...1. Walk 30 minutes a day2. Drink a lot of water, I mean take your body weight in lbs, divide by two and that's how many ounces of water you should drink a day...some people just said I can't drink 160 oz MOP...don't shoot the messenger. 3. Eat fruits and vegetables, smoothie them up if you must. Don't eat fast food, don't eat sugar outside of fruit, drink water only...you'll lose weight I promise.

 

[The_Burning_Bush]

i am not married but i know for dogs they say to give them less treats. skinnydogs#

How did everyone miss this?

 

[YSR]

Honey?

 

[beavers]

house maintenance + work FT + landscaping + cooking + all of the other crap like finances, food shopping, dr appts etc.

Good point.. you're the only person on the planet who has to do all this stuff. Nevermind. You win.

I do however, make time for physical activity. I walk up 30 flights of stairs and down 8 flights every day at work. I also walk with my daughter after work and have cut down my portions and eliminated snacking. So far, I've lost 55 pounds since my highest weight during my pregnancy. I only have 15 more lbs to go to get to my goal weight. You don't need a gym or wake up early to lose weight.

Where did i specify that you HAD to get up early... and I specified that you DON'T need to go to a gym, which you seem to agree with. Why are you arguing?Losing weight is 80% diet and 20% exercise (if not more). I've seen it 100 times... some woman wallowing in self pity about how she can't lose the baby weight and doesn't have time to lose weight. Bull####. Swing a kettle bell for 15 minutes 3 times a week and stop drinking 500 calorie Starbucks mocacrapachino #### every time you're out driving around. Stop getting yourself a "little cheeseburger" as a snack when you get the kids mcdonalds while out on the run. Stop dipping your veggies in ranch because "you hate veggies". It's all bull####. This isn't rocket science.... and yes, The "I don't have time to go to the gym so I can't lolse weight" IS a bull#### excuse being made by someone who is too lazy. Period.

You are a single parent too with full custody? If so, then you truly understand the difference between a 1 parent and a 2 parent household.I agree with you but saying "I don't have time for physical activity" is a much better statement than "I don't have time for the gym."

 

[gianmarco]

Anyone else notice the OP say that she had a lot on her plate?

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

in short, you're ####ed.no, seriously. People lose weight because they want to and no amount of tricks or prodding or begging on your part will make it happenI tried, in no particular order:- buying gym memberships for us both and prodding her to go with me every day- offering to cook all our meals- bought home gym equipment (treadmill, etc)- stopped having teh secks with her- complained to family and friends hoping it would get back to her- booked beach vacations hoping it would serve as motivationSorry GB, once they start down that path, 99.9% of 'em will never come back. Either deal with it or decide it's that important to you and get out now.ETA: i'm 6'4 and my wife weighs more than me . been dealing with this for at least 5 years. had my chance to get out ~4 years ago. Didn't. stuck now. i just get drunk when i know she wants teh secks, turn the lights off and go to a happy place (in my mind)

This is the first guy in the thread that seems like he knows what he's talking about.

 

[beavers]

How is it possible for me to make it to the gym? Shall I leave my daughter with the homeless guys who hang outside the YMCA? Having a gym membership <> weight loss. We should be promoting that any type of physical activity that leads to the intended result is a good thing.

How old are your kids? If they can be in a stroller or push thingy, just load them up and go for a walk. If they can ride bikes then take them to the park and go outside. Who takes these children out each day for fresh air?

She's a very active 18 month old. We do the stroller walk to the park and then she runs and runs and runs and I follow.

 

[Jobber]

I speak from experience (I lost 45 lbs since Jan 1). Exercise is much less important than caloric intake. Focus on the food first.

Yep. Without a healthy every day diet (not just a fad diet) she has no chance. Hell, even my gym has a ginormous poster that says diet is 80% of being fit.

 

[[icon]]

house maintenance + work FT + landscaping + cooking + all of the other crap like finances, food shopping, dr appts etc.

Good point.. you're the only person on the planet who has to do all this stuff. Nevermind. You win.

I do however, make time for physical activity. I walk up 30 flights of stairs and down 8 flights every day at work. I also walk with my daughter after work and have cut down my portions and eliminated snacking. So far, I've lost 55 pounds since my highest weight during my pregnancy. I only have 15 more lbs to go to get to my goal weight. You don't need a gym or wake up early to lose weight.

Where did i specify that you HAD to get up early... and I specified that you DON'T need to go to a gym, which you seem to agree with. Why are you arguing?Losing weight is 80% diet and 20% exercise (if not more). I've seen it 100 times... some woman wallowing in self pity about how she can't lose the baby weight and doesn't have time to lose weight. Bull####. Swing a kettle bell for 15 minutes 3 times a week and stop drinking 500 calorie Starbucks mocacrapachino #### every time you're out driving around. Stop getting yourself a "little cheeseburger" as a snack when you get the kids mcdonalds while out on the run. Stop dipping your veggies in ranch because "you hate veggies". It's all bull####. This isn't rocket science.... and yes, The "I don't have time to go to the gym so I can't lolse weight" IS a bull#### excuse being made by someone who is too lazy. Period.

You are a single parent too with full custody? If so, then you truly understand the difference between a 1 parent and a 2 parent household.I agree with you but saying "I don't have time for physical activity" is a much better statement than "I don't have time for the gym."

You know how I know you're a woman?

Because you can dive into an argument by completely misinterpret my post due to only reading the first sentence, then after getting called out on it somehow continue your argument by transforming it into a fight over semantics.

That's how.

 

[Invaded?]

I'll start this off by saying that I love my wife, and that I don't want anything but for us to live a long and happy life together. She is an amazing wife and mother in almost all respects.

But, she's overweight. And not "just a couple pounds" overweight. We're talking probably at least 60-70 #'s higher than the day we said 'I do'. We've been married over 10 years and it's been about a year since the last kid. She's never been "skinny", and so I don't expect her to be that. But I'm getting to the point where it's really starting to bother me.

It's not that she doesn't know she's overweight. She knows it. She's always struggled with it. She's never been a lazy person, but she does have problems with food. You name the diet programs and she's tried them. Each time it just ends with me being frustrated that she's throwing money away by giving up X number of days/weeks into it, and her being upset at me for "not understanding".

I work full time. She works at home part-time while taking care of the kids (though we have a babysitter/nanny for more hours per day at home than I'd prefer). She's got a lot on her plate and we don't have the time or money to hire her a personal trainer/nutritionist and send her to the gym for an hour a day.

Meanwhile, sex has dropped off considerably over the last few years. Partially due to kids, I'll admit. But nowadays the kids are in bed by 8 or 9 and there's plenty of time that we COULD spend together. I think her weight gain has affected her sex drive considerably, and if she felt better about herself she would be a lot more interested. And I guess her weight gain has affected MY sex drive as well. I really find it amazing how our connection to each other really seems to ebb and flow with our sex life.

I DO know how hard it is for her. She doesn't want to weigh what she does. But right now her will to change is not greater than her will to eat or be healthy. I want her to get back to her old self for the purposes stated above, but I also want her to be around for a while, and she's not at a healthy weight.

She knows I'd prefer her skinnier, but I have NOT told her that it's really been bothering me. It's a delicate conversation and a delicate situation, where "Just tell her to get her fat ### in shape!" is just not the best approach.

I know everyone here has supermodel wives but maybe there's a few average FBG's who have come out on the victorious side of this problem and now have better-than-ever relationships with their wives. What did it take? What did you do?

All responses welcome.

We got all kinds of bad going on here....1. That attitude is not going to help you. You must stay out of acting like you know the 1st thing about health...they(females) don't want us(males) dictating what they can eat and such...you need to let an "expert". Did you give birth to the children? Do you fill up with blood and water and can't poop for several days everytime you have a period? No because you're a man and all you need is a bush to pee near...that's how they think of us my friend.

2. Why don't you just say your wife is a lazy no good witch who can't even take care of the kids without an assistant?

3. Are you upset that you can't have sex or are you perturbed that this heavyset woman that you probably think should fall down and perform sex every time she walks by suddenly isn't the slightest bit interested in you?

You all need professional counseling for the sake of these wonderful children. Don't give us money or time, you have health insurance to cover this...you must go get counseling and get you and your wife on the same page, otherwise eventually neither of you will talk to each other, you'll develop a drug habit, and you will end up at the mercy of some cheap prostitute you think is a "friend". Just go get professional help, forget the diet and your wife losing weight, you all have bigger problems here IMO.

I can't decide if this is 90% schtick or 100% schtick.

 

[beavers]

house maintenance + work FT + landscaping + cooking + all of the other crap like finances, food shopping, dr appts etc.

Good point.. you're the only person on the planet who has to do all this stuff. Nevermind. You win.

I do however, make time for physical activity. I walk up 30 flights of stairs and down 8 flights every day at work. I also walk with my daughter after work and have cut down my portions and eliminated snacking. So far, I've lost 55 pounds since my highest weight during my pregnancy. I only have 15 more lbs to go to get to my goal weight. You don't need a gym or wake up early to lose weight.

Where did i specify that you HAD to get up early... and I specified that you DON'T need to go to a gym, which you seem to agree with. Why are you arguing?Losing weight is 80% diet and 20% exercise (if not more). I've seen it 100 times... some woman wallowing in self pity about how she can't lose the baby weight and doesn't have time to lose weight. Bull####. Swing a kettle bell for 15 minutes 3 times a week and stop drinking 500 calorie Starbucks mocacrapachino #### every time you're out driving around. Stop getting yourself a "little cheeseburger" as a snack when you get the kids mcdonalds while out on the run. Stop dipping your veggies in ranch because "you hate veggies". It's all bull####. This isn't rocket science.... and yes, The "I don't have time to go to the gym so I can't lolse weight" IS a bull#### excuse being made by someone who is too lazy. Period.

You are a single parent too with full custody? If so, then you truly understand the difference between a 1 parent and a 2 parent household.I agree with you but saying "I don't have time for physical activity" is a much better statement than "I don't have time for the gym."

You know how I know you're a woman?

Because you can dive into an argument by completely misinterpret my post due to only reading the first sentence, then after getting called out on it somehow continue your argument by transforming it into a fight over semantics.

That's how.

New here? By that logic, Christo is a woman too.ETA: It's important to differentiate "going to the gym" and "physical activity."

 

[B-Deep]

here is my only advice to the OP

make sure this site's password is not saved on any browser of any device she may have even momentary access to

buddyknuckles should take that advice too

if your wife happens to find out you posted a question about her being too fat to a fantasy football board the weight will no longer be a problem, she'll just cut to the chase and kill you in your sleep.

 

[Joe Summer]

%26%2339%3B timestamp='1340652866' post='14492160']

house maintenance + work FT + landscaping + cooking + all of the other crap like finances, food shopping, dr appts etc.

Good point.. you're the only person on the planet who has to do all this stuff. Nevermind. You win.

I do however, make time for physical activity. I walk up 30 flights of stairs and down 8 flights every day at work. I also walk with my daughter after work and have cut down my portions and eliminated snacking. So far, I've lost 55 pounds since my highest weight during my pregnancy. I only have 15 more lbs to go to get to my goal weight. You don't need a gym or wake up early to lose weight.

Where did i specify that you HAD to get up early... and I specified that you DON'T need to go to a gym, which you seem to agree with. Why are you arguing?Losing weight is 80% diet and 20% exercise (if not more). I've seen it 100 times... some woman wallowing in self pity about how she can't lose the baby weight and doesn't have time to lose weight. Bull####. Swing a kettle bell for 15 minutes 3 times a week and stop drinking 500 calorie Starbucks mocacrapachino #### every time you're out driving around. Stop getting yourself a "little cheeseburger" as a snack when you get the kids mcdonalds while out on the run. Stop dipping your veggies in ranch because "you hate veggies". It's all bull####. This isn't rocket science.... and yes, The "I don't have time to go to the gym so I can't lolse weight" IS a bull#### excuse being made by someone who is too lazy. Period.

You are a single parent too with full custody? If so, then you truly understand the difference between a 1 parent and a 2 parent household.I agree with you but saying "I don't have time for physical activity" is a much better statement than "I don't have time for the gym."

The gym excuse is still because weight loss is 80% diet."I don't have enough time to stop eating at McDonalds" is a pretty pathetic excuse.

 

[[icon]]

Also I don't agree with this BS of having to tiptoe around the weight issue. There is a giant elephant in the room (pun intended) and everyone knows it. BE ADULTS about it and confront her in a polite/loving manner. If she flips out that's on her. She's a grown woman, not a 3 year old. Tell her you want to sit down and work out a plan on what it will take.

Do you want to visit a nutritionist to work up a meal plan together? Done.

Do you want me to take care of the kids for 30 mins each morning so you can get some exercise in by yourself in the bedroom? Done.

Let's sit down, hammer out a plan, and then DO it. No more excuses. Explain that you don't expect her to fly down to 120lbs and look like a supermodel. Set small goals. If she's 220lbs tell her you want to help to get her to 190lbs. Once she gets a taste for what to do and sees the results she'll want to continue anyways.

The key is sitting down, tearing the bandaid off, then working together on a achievable, measurable plan and goals.... then sticking to it.

 

[BuddyKnuckles]

Also I don't agree with this BS of having to tiptoe around the weight issue. There is a giant elephant in the room (pun intended) and everyone knows it. BE ADULTS about it and confront her in a polite/loving manner. If she flips out that's on her. She's a grown woman, not a 3 year old. Tell her you want to sit down and work out a plan on what it will take. Do you want to visit a nutritionist to work up a meal plan together? Done. Do you want me to take care of the kids for 30 mins each morning so you can get some exercise in by yourself in the bedroom? Done. Let's sit down, hammer out a plan, and then DO it. No more excuses. Explain that you don't expect her to fly down to 120lbs and look like a supermodel. Set small goals. If she's 220lbs tell her you want to help to get her to 190lbs. Once she gets a taste for what to do and sees the results she'll want to continue anyways. The key is sitting down, tearing the bandaid off, then working together on a achievable, measurable plan and goals.... then sticking to it.

this is horrible advice. follow and suffer the consequences

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

Also I don't agree with this BS of having to tiptoe around the weight issue. There is a giant elephant in the room (pun intended) and everyone knows it. BE ADULTS about it and confront her in a polite/loving manner. If she flips out that's on her. Tell her you want to sit down and work out a plan on what it will take. Do you want to visit a nutritionist to work up a meal plan together? Done. Do you want me to take care of the kids for 30 mins each morning so you can get some exercise in by yourself in the bedroom? Done. Let's sit down, hammer out a plan, and then DO it. No more excuses. Explain that you don't expect her to fly down to 120lbs and look like a supermodel. Set small goals. If she's 220lbs tell her you want to help to get her to 190lbs. Once she gets a taste for what to do and sees the results she'll want to continue anyways. The key is sitting down, tearing the bandaid off, then working together on a achievable, measurable plan and goals.... then sticking to it.

I suspect the OP has probably at least attempted some of these sorts of strategies. Read Buddyknuckles' post about the lengths he went to try to help his wife lose weight. That's the reality of the situation. If the OP tries to take control, it will likely just lead to resentment when his wife doesn't follow through.

 

[James Daulton]

Also I don't agree with this BS of having to tiptoe around the weight issue. There is a giant elephant in the room (pun intended) and everyone knows it. BE ADULTS about it and confront her in a polite/loving manner. If she flips out that's on her. She's a grown woman, not a 3 year old. Tell her you want to sit down and work out a plan on what it will take. Do you want to visit a nutritionist to work up a meal plan together? Done. Do you want me to take care of the kids for 30 mins each morning so you can get some exercise in by yourself in the bedroom? Done. Let's sit down, hammer out a plan, and then DO it. No more excuses. Explain that you don't expect her to fly down to 120lbs and look like a supermodel. Set small goals. If she's 220lbs tell her you want to help to get her to 190lbs. Once she gets a taste for what to do and sees the results she'll want to continue anyways. The key is sitting down, tearing the bandaid off, then working together on a achievable, measurable plan and goals.... then sticking to it.

Icon is bringing the good advice in this thread. I'll off that make sure you partake in any eating/exercise revisions that you guys make. It can bring you both more together if you're pushing and sharing difficulties with each other.

 

[Steve Tasker]

in short, you're ####ed.no, seriously. People lose weight because they want to and no amount of tricks or prodding or begging on your part will make it happenI tried, in no particular order:- buying gym memberships for us both and prodding her to go with me every day- offering to cook all our meals- bought home gym equipment (treadmill, etc)- stopped having teh secks with her- complained to family and friends hoping it would get back to her- booked beach vacations hoping it would serve as motivationSorry GB, once they start down that path, 99.9% of 'em will never come back. Either deal with it or decide it's that important to you and get out now.ETA: i'm 6'4 and my wife weighs more than me . been dealing with this for at least 5 years. had my chance to get out ~4 years ago. Didn't. stuck now. i just get drunk when i know she wants teh secks, turn the lights off and go to a happy place (in my mind)

Jesus, this is really depressing. Sorry :(

 

[beavers]

Also I don't agree with this BS of having to tiptoe around the weight issue. There is a giant elephant in the room (pun intended) and everyone knows it. BE ADULTS about it and confront her in a polite/loving manner. If she flips out that's on her. She's a grown woman, not a 3 year old. Tell her you want to sit down and work out a plan on what it will take. The key is sitting down, tearing the bandaid off...

Sorry, I think this is very bad advice.far too practical for a woman's psyche. It takes a pragmatic approach.

 

[Invaded?]

Honey?

Hey babe!

 

[gianmarco]

Also I don't agree with this BS of having to tiptoe around the weight issue. There is a giant elephant in the room (pun intended) and everyone knows it. BE ADULTS about it and confront her in a polite/loving manner. If she flips out that's on her. She's a grown woman, not a 3 year old. Tell her you want to sit down and work out a plan on what it will take.

Do you want to visit a nutritionist to work up a meal plan together? Done.

Do you want me to take care of the kids for 30 mins each morning so you can get some exercise in by yourself in the bedroom? Done.

Let's sit down, hammer out a plan, and then DO it. No more excuses. Explain that you don't expect her to fly down to 120lbs and look like a supermodel. Set small goals. If she's 220lbs tell her you want to help to get her to 190lbs. Once she gets a taste for what to do and sees the results she'll want to continue anyways.

The key is sitting down, tearing the bandaid off, then working together on a achievable, measurable plan and goals.... then sticking to it.

Loving all the unintentional eating references throughout the thread.

 

[jwp]

Had the same problem. She is now my ex-wife and looks bigger every time I see her...

 

[[icon]]

Also I don't agree with this BS of having to tiptoe around the weight issue. There is a giant elephant in the room (pun intended) and everyone knows it. BE ADULTS about it and confront her in a polite/loving manner. If she flips out that's on her. She's a grown woman, not a 3 year old. Tell her you want to sit down and work out a plan on what it will take. Do you want to visit a nutritionist to work up a meal plan together? Done. Do you want me to take care of the kids for 30 mins each morning so you can get some exercise in by yourself in the bedroom? Done. Let's sit down, hammer out a plan, and then DO it. No more excuses. Explain that you don't expect her to fly down to 120lbs and look like a supermodel. Set small goals. If she's 220lbs tell her you want to help to get her to 190lbs. Once she gets a taste for what to do and sees the results she'll want to continue anyways. The key is sitting down, tearing the bandaid off, then working together on a achievable, measurable plan and goals.... then sticking to it.

this is horrible advice. follow and suffer the consequences

IMO If you chose a partner that can't handle discussing topics like this then you chose poorly. Been with my girl for close to 10 years now and I wouldn't hesitate to bring up something like this if it was an issue... and she wouldn't flip out and lock down. Again.. we're talking about an adult here.

 

[BuddyKnuckles]

in short, you're ####ed.no, seriously. People lose weight because they want to and no amount of tricks or prodding or begging on your part will make it happenI tried, in no particular order:- buying gym memberships for us both and prodding her to go with me every day- offering to cook all our meals- bought home gym equipment (treadmill, etc)- stopped having teh secks with her- complained to family and friends hoping it would get back to her- booked beach vacations hoping it would serve as motivationSorry GB, once they start down that path, 99.9% of 'em will never come back. Either deal with it or decide it's that important to you and get out now.ETA: i'm 6'4 and my wife weighs more than me . been dealing with this for at least 5 years. had my chance to get out ~4 years ago. Didn't. stuck now. i just get drunk when i know she wants teh secks, turn the lights off and go to a happy place (in my mind)

Jesus, this is really depressing. Sorry :(

i'm all good, no need to apologize but it's appreciated nonetheless. OP will find other parts of his life that bring him happiness and will demote physical relations to a dark corner of his being. or he'll drive himself mad with rage and resentment.

 

[[icon]]

Also I don't agree with this BS of having to tiptoe around the weight issue. There is a giant elephant in the room (pun intended) and everyone knows it. BE ADULTS about it and confront her in a polite/loving manner. If she flips out that's on her. She's a grown woman, not a 3 year old. Tell her you want to sit down and work out a plan on what it will take. The key is sitting down, tearing the bandaid off...

Sorry, I think this is very bad advice.far too practical for a woman's psyche. It takes a pragmatic approach.

For emotionally immature women... maybe. Again.. they're out there. If you chose poorly then that's on you.

 

[Invaded?]

Also I don't agree with this BS of having to tiptoe around the weight issue. There is a giant elephant in the room (pun intended) and everyone knows it. BE ADULTS about it and confront her in a polite/loving manner. If she flips out that's on her. She's a grown woman, not a 3 year old. Tell her you want to sit down and work out a plan on what it will take. Do you want to visit a nutritionist to work up a meal plan together? Done. Do you want me to take care of the kids for 30 mins each morning so you can get some exercise in by yourself in the bedroom? Done. Let's sit down, hammer out a plan, and then DO it. No more excuses. Explain that you don't expect her to fly down to 120lbs and look like a supermodel. Set small goals. If she's 220lbs tell her you want to help to get her to 190lbs. Once she gets a taste for what to do and sees the results she'll want to continue anyways. The key is sitting down, tearing the bandaid off, then working together on a achievable, measurable plan and goals.... then sticking to it.

I agree with the others that your first paragraph is pretty poor advice.Everything else sans the bandaide ripping is good though. I agree that I probably have to really step my game up and be extremely pro-active with regards to the "WTF are we gonna do about it?" part.

 

[beavers]

Also I don't agree with this BS of having to tiptoe around the weight issue. There is a giant elephant in the room (pun intended) and everyone knows it. BE ADULTS about it and confront her in a polite/loving manner. If she flips out that's on her. She's a grown woman, not a 3 year old. Tell her you want to sit down and work out a plan on what it will take. The key is sitting down, tearing the bandaid off...

Sorry, I think this is very bad advice.far too practical for a woman's psyche. It takes a pragmatic approach.

For emotionally immature women... maybe. Again.. they're out there. If you chose poorly then that's on you.

You know I can tell you're a guy ... ugh, nevermind.

 

[[icon]]

Had the same problem. She is now my ex-wife and looks bigger every time I see her...

If my s/o blew up and threw a temper tantrum like a 3 year old when I tried to discuss it... I'd likely follow this approach.

 

[BuddyKnuckles]

Also I don't agree with this BS of having to tiptoe around the weight issue. There is a giant elephant in the room (pun intended) and everyone knows it. BE ADULTS about it and confront her in a polite/loving manner. If she flips out that's on her. She's a grown woman, not a 3 year old. Tell her you want to sit down and work out a plan on what it will take. Do you want to visit a nutritionist to work up a meal plan together? Done. Do you want me to take care of the kids for 30 mins each morning so you can get some exercise in by yourself in the bedroom? Done. Let's sit down, hammer out a plan, and then DO it. No more excuses. Explain that you don't expect her to fly down to 120lbs and look like a supermodel. Set small goals. If she's 220lbs tell her you want to help to get her to 190lbs. Once she gets a taste for what to do and sees the results she'll want to continue anyways. The key is sitting down, tearing the bandaid off, then working together on a achievable, measurable plan and goals.... then sticking to it.

this is horrible advice. follow and suffer the consequences

IMO If you chose a partner that can't handle discussing topics like this then you chose poorly. Been with my girl for close to 10 years now and I wouldn't hesitate to bring up something like this if it was an issue... and she wouldn't flip out and lock down. Again.. we're talking about an adult here.

that's great, no seriously it is. but you guys are the exception not the rule.If OP follows your advice he will destroy what remains of her self confidence, make her resent him, impact their relationship and hence their kids, and generally make a nice mess of things.i don't play roulette because the odds are stacked heavily against you. This is the equivalent of putting it all on 00 and just hoping it hits

 

[Invaded?]

Also I don't agree with this BS of having to tiptoe around the weight issue. There is a giant elephant in the room (pun intended) and everyone knows it. BE ADULTS about it and confront her in a polite/loving manner. If she flips out that's on her. She's a grown woman, not a 3 year old. Tell her you want to sit down and work out a plan on what it will take. The key is sitting down, tearing the bandaid off...

Sorry, I think this is very bad advice.far too practical for a woman's psyche. It takes a pragmatic approach.

For emotionally immature women... maybe. Again.. they're out there. If you chose poorly then that's on you.

You are oversimplifying.

 

[jamny]

Also I don't agree with this BS of having to tiptoe around the weight issue. There is a giant elephant in the room (pun intended) and everyone knows it. BE ADULTS about it and confront her in a polite/loving manner. If she flips out that's on her. She's a grown woman, not a 3 year old. Tell her you want to sit down and work out a plan on what it will take. Do you want to visit a nutritionist to work up a meal plan together? Done. Do you want me to take care of the kids for 30 mins each morning so you can get some exercise in by yourself in the bedroom? Done. Let's sit down, hammer out a plan, and then DO it. No more excuses. Explain that you don't expect her to fly down to 120lbs and look like a supermodel. Set small goals. If she's 220lbs tell her you want to help to get her to 190lbs. Once she gets a taste for what to do and sees the results she'll want to continue anyways. The key is sitting down, tearing the bandaid off, then working together on a achievable, measurable plan and goals.... then sticking to it.

this is horrible advice. follow and suffer the consequences

IMO If you chose a partner that can't handle discussing topics like this then you chose poorly. Been with my girl for close to 10 years now and I wouldn't hesitate to bring up something like this if it was an issue... and she wouldn't flip out and lock down. Again.. we're talking about an adult here.

So look at it as if he chose poorly.

 

[B-Deep]

Had the same problem. She is now my ex-wife and looks bigger every time I see her...

If my s/o blew up and threw a temper tantrum like a 3 year old when I tried to discuss it... I'd likely follow this approach.

what if the tables were turned, and she was posting on a cupcake wars site about how you have become a quick shot lately and she confronted you about needing to hold the forces at bay, so to speak, or she was going to hit the highway?

 

[[icon]]

Also I don't agree with this BS of having to tiptoe around the weight issue. There is a giant elephant in the room (pun intended) and everyone knows it. BE ADULTS about it and confront her in a polite/loving manner. If she flips out that's on her. She's a grown woman, not a 3 year old. Tell her you want to sit down and work out a plan on what it will take. Do you want to visit a nutritionist to work up a meal plan together? Done. Do you want me to take care of the kids for 30 mins each morning so you can get some exercise in by yourself in the bedroom? Done. Let's sit down, hammer out a plan, and then DO it. No more excuses. Explain that you don't expect her to fly down to 120lbs and look like a supermodel. Set small goals. If she's 220lbs tell her you want to help to get her to 190lbs. Once she gets a taste for what to do and sees the results she'll want to continue anyways. The key is sitting down, tearing the bandaid off, then working together on a achievable, measurable plan and goals.... then sticking to it.

I agree with the others that your first paragraph is pretty poor advice.Everything else sans the bandaide ripping is good though. I agree that I probably have to really step my game up and be extremely pro-active with regards to the "WTF are we gonna do about it?" part.

You do realize I'm not advocating sitting down and saying "Honey, you're fat. You're not attractive to me anymore. I can hear your thighs rubbing together when you walk and you smell like dirty butter."

 

[B-Deep]

Also I don't agree with this BS of having to tiptoe around the weight issue. There is a giant elephant in the room (pun intended) and everyone knows it. BE ADULTS about it and confront her in a polite/loving manner. If she flips out that's on her. She's a grown woman, not a 3 year old. Tell her you want to sit down and work out a plan on what it will take. Do you want to visit a nutritionist to work up a meal plan together? Done. Do you want me to take care of the kids for 30 mins each morning so you can get some exercise in by yourself in the bedroom? Done. Let's sit down, hammer out a plan, and then DO it. No more excuses. Explain that you don't expect her to fly down to 120lbs and look like a supermodel. Set small goals. If she's 220lbs tell her you want to help to get her to 190lbs. Once she gets a taste for what to do and sees the results she'll want to continue anyways. The key is sitting down, tearing the bandaid off, then working together on a achievable, measurable plan and goals.... then sticking to it.

I agree with the others that your first paragraph is pretty poor advice.Everything else sans the bandaide ripping is good though. I agree that I probably have to really step my game up and be extremely pro-active with regards to the "WTF are we gonna do about it?" part.

You do realize I'm not advocating sitting down and saying "Honey, you're fat. You're not attractive to me anymore. I can hear your thighs rubbing together when you walk and you smell like dirty butter."

dirty butter?

 

[B-Deep]

http://dirtybutter.com/

how very very odd