New Jersey Parents To Sue School District Following 12-Year-Old Daughter’s Suicide (1 Viewer)

[eoMMan]

Thoughts on this?

Sad story...I don't agree with the lawsuit but very sad.

http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2017/08/01/cyberbullying-suicide-lawsuit/

 

[Otis]

Does kind of sound like the school district failed miserably here. That's a really ugly record of inaction. 

But where the hell are the parents of these other kids?  I find out my kid is being an ####### to someone for no good reason, they're grounded for eternity. And another parent calls me to complain about it, and 15 mins later my kid is text bullying this child agin?  Oh hell no. 

Sad.  And further proof that people -- including the ones that procreate -- are generally complete morons. 

 

[eoMMan]

Does kind of sound like the school district failed miserably here. That's a really ugly record of inaction. 

But where the hell are the parents of these other kids?  I find out my kid is being an ####### to someone for no good reason, they're grounded for eternity. And another parent calls me to complain about it, and 15 mins later my kid is text bullying this child agin?  Oh hell no. 

Sad.  And further proof that people -- including the ones that procreate -- are generally complete morons. 

Kind of how I feel.  The girl was 12 years old.  If she is getting bullied via snapchat, text, etc....either block her "friends" or take the phone away. 

 

[OrtonToOlsen]

Horrible, horrible story.  Just heartbreaking.

But if we're going to talk about the lawsuit I have two points:

1. People can't cyber bully you if you're not on social media.

2. What is the school supposed to do about things that happen after school?

 

[gianmarco]

Horrible story and completely agree with the lawsuit. The school is certainly not the only entity to blame, but if parents notified school on multiple occasions of the behavior as is reported and they did nothing on their end to intervene, then they are to blame as well. Bullying is an issue and as many interactions take place at school and a big responsibility is there as well.

Even if things are happening outside of school, I believe the school needs to have a conference between administrators and the parents of the bully to let them know that it's not acceptable.

 

[NutterButter]

Does kind of sound like the school district failed miserably here. That's a really ugly record of inaction. 

But where the hell are the parents of these other kids?  I find out my kid is being an ####### to someone for no good reason, they're grounded for eternity. And another parent calls me to complain about it, and 15 mins later my kid is text bullying this child agin?  Oh hell no. 

Sad.  And further proof that people -- including the ones that procreate -- are generally complete morons. 

There are some parents that take part in the bullying.  The kid and the parents are more friends than child/parents some of the time.  Its crazy.  I catch my kid doing any crap like that, I'm throwing that phone out the window.   Well not literally.   That's an expensive phone.   

Btw, that town is next to mine.  Great.  

 

[NutterButter]

Something I don't understand is that most of this bullying is done via social media.    If I see a situation where my kid is being bullied like that, besides the obvious like contacting the school and contacting the other parents, I'm taking my kids phone away.   Young people are addicted to these devices and even when they're being caused such tremendous harm, they can't seem to stay away.   

 

[AAABatteries]

If I find out one of my kids are getting bullied on social media I'm pretty sure I don't allow them to continue on it without it being monitored continuously.  Too many bad parents out there who won't do anything about their kids behavior.  You can't depend on it happening the way it should.

 

[Sinn Fein]

Has Melania chimed in yet?

 

[-fish-]

Horrible, horrible story.  Just heartbreaking.

But if we're going to talk about the lawsuit I have two points:

1. People can't cyber bully you if you're not on social media.

2. What is the school supposed to do about things that happen after school?

Agree about getting her off of social media.    And not to diminish what the other kids did, but if she's getting harassing texts, phone calls, etc. why not take her phone?  If a 12 year old really needs a phone that bad, give her one that the other kids don't have her number?

 

[Otis]

2. What is the school supposed to do about things that happen after school?

Nothing. But if I'm the school administrator?  If for no reason other than CYA, I'm calling this parent and then calling the parents of all the kids involved and alerting them. And im making sure the teacher is aware of and monitors it while in school to the extent possible. Sounds like the school did basically everything in its power to get sued. 

 

[gianmarco]

Nothing. But if I'm the school administrator?  If for no reason other than CYA, I'm calling this parent and then calling the parents of all the kids involved and alerting them. And im making sure the teacher is aware of and monitors it while in school to the extent possible. Sounds like the school did basically everything in its power to get sued. 

FYP.

 

[Kafka]

If I find out one of my kids are getting bullied on social media I'm pretty sure I don't allow them to continue on it without it being monitored continuously.  Too many bad parents out there who won't do anything about their kids behavior.  You can't depend on it happening the way it should.

Truly heartbreaking, & infuriating... like @OrtonToOlsen said ...how is said school responsible "after hours"?  I work hard, & during summer, just want to shower & sleep when finished work.  Always try to invest time with all 3 children, but sometimes, I'm literally just tired.  Feel guilty...but I do all I can.  Just a horrible, horrible story...

 

[OrtonToOlsen]

Nothing. But if I'm the school administrator?  If for no reason other than CYA, I'm calling this parent and then calling the parents of all the kids involved and alerting them. And im making sure the teacher is aware of and monitors it while in school to the extent possible. Sounds like the school did basically everything in its power to get sued. 

Of course.  The parents are saying this never happened in their suit.   We don't know yet if this is a fact.

 

[OrtonToOlsen]

Agree about getting her off of social media.    And not to diminish what the other kids did, but if she's getting harassing texts, phone calls, etc. why not take her phone?  If a 12 year old really needs a phone that bad, give her one that the other kids don't have her number?

We have this conversation all the time at my school with parents.  Usually the response is "but it's not fair that my daughter can't be on instagram because of these bullies".  

 

[NutterButter]

The parents said it started in Oct.   That's 8 months that it was going on.  Crazy.    A lot of blame to go around.

 

[Glass Joe]

Boy does this article hit home - my daughter has gotten bullied for years. And really all she's wanted was to be a part of a group. She plays hs soccer and because she's not a standout and she's shy, she's completely ostracized. Not invited to team activities, ignored when seen around town. Even at fundraisers, no one gives her the time of day. Bullies love to pick on the weak, and she shows her vulnerability...

I was just regretting the start of high school sports because it puts her around all this...

The idea of taking away their phones is counter productive - without the phone, a kid like mine with no friends would be cut off from the little world she has. Like it or not, the phone is integral to kids lives these days.

 

[AAABatteries]

Boy does this article hit home - my daughter has gotten bullied for years. And really all she's wanted was to be a part of a group. She plays hs soccer and because she's not a standout and she's shy, she's completely ostracized. Not invited to team activities, ignored when seen around town. Even at fundraisers, no one gives her the time of day. Bullies love to pick on the weak, and she shows her vulnerability...

I was just regretting the start of high school sports because it puts her around all this...

The idea of taking away their phones is counter productive - without the phone, a kid like mine with no friends would be cut off from the little world she has. Like it or not, the phone is integral to kids lives these days.

Really sorry to hear that - have you talked to the coaches about the situation? 

 

[yak651]

Terrible.  For those saying call the parents of the bullies.  99% of them aren't going to do anything or care you are calling.  My wife is a teacher.  When she calls parents, the majority of the time they deny everything or place blame on others including the teacher!  Once in a while she'll get a supportive parent, but these times are few and far between.

 

[Glass Joe]

Really sorry to hear that - have you talked to the coaches about the situation? 

No. I've been around enough coaches to know that a good coach heads these things off. Forces kids to bond. Is engaged. Our coach isn't, and I don't think that him forcing things will win my daughter any friends.

watching much of the team stream past our table at a restaurant without acknowledging my daughter was really painful.

 

[McGarnicle]

Boy does this article hit home - my daughter has gotten bullied for years. And really all she's wanted was to be a part of a group. She plays hs soccer and because she's not a standout and she's shy, she's completely ostracized. Not invited to team activities, ignored when seen around town. Even at fundraisers, no one gives her the time of day. Bullies love to pick on the weak, and she shows her vulnerability...

I was just regretting the start of high school sports because it puts her around all this...

The idea of taking away their phones is counter productive - without the phone, a kid like mine with no friends would be cut off from the little world she has. Like it or not, the phone is integral to kids lives these days.

Sorry to hear it, that's got to be horrible to see her go through that. Kids can be so damn cruel, I hate 90% of them. Little bastards.

 

[GilbertGrape]

The lawsuit is standard practice. When you sue someone, you sue someone you can get money from. Otherwise it's a waste of time. Sad story though. 

 

[Ditkaless Wonders]

She seemed a lovely and accomplished young lady.  Sad but true that peers at that age have so much influence. 

 

[Rattle and Hum]

Boy does this article hit home - my daughter has gotten bullied for years. And really all she's wanted was to be a part of a group. She plays hs soccer and because she's not a standout and she's shy, she's completely ostracized. Not invited to team activities, ignored when seen around town. Even at fundraisers, no one gives her the time of day. Bullies love to pick on the weak, and she shows her vulnerability...

I was just regretting the start of high school sports because it puts her around all this...

The idea of taking away their phones is counter productive - without the phone, a kid like mine with no friends would be cut off from the little world she has. Like it or not, the phone is integral to kids lives these days.

Hopefully you have offered her counseling or she is signed up for online counseling as an outlet. BTW, my daughter struggled in HS but blossomed socially once she went to college. Just keep letting her know how much you care and get her the help she needs through this difficult time. No regerts!

 

[GilbertGrape]

Hopefully you have offered her counseling or she is signed up for online counseling as an outlet. BTW, my daughter struggled in HS but blossomed socially once she went to college. Just keep letting her know how much you care and get her the help she needs through this difficult time. No regerts!

Not even one letter?

 

[NewlyRetired]

Boy does this article hit home - my daughter has gotten bullied for years. And really all she's wanted was to be a part of a group. She plays hs soccer and because she's not a standout and she's shy, she's completely ostracized. Not invited to team activities, ignored when seen around town. Even at fundraisers, no one gives her the time of day. Bullies love to pick on the weak, and she shows her vulnerability...

I was just regretting the start of high school sports because it puts her around all this...

The idea of taking away their phones is counter productive - without the phone, a kid like mine with no friends would be cut off from the little world she has. Like it or not, the phone is integral to kids lives these days.

My daughter faced some of the same difficulties throughout high school but I was very very lucky that no one ever bullied her.  

My daughter was able to find solace online and become parts of online communities that accepted her in items that interested her.  She never bothered with social media but was still able to become parts of these little groups and they functioned as her friends, even if cyber only.

I hope your daughter can find something similar and more importantly I hope you can find a way for her to stop getting bullied even though I know as a parent you can feel so helpless.

 

[NewlyRetired]

Have teen girls always been this nasty historically or is this something relatively new that has happened?  

I don't remember girls getting bullied when I was a kid and yet every week it seems now adays you hear about another story.

 

[Long Ball Larry]

Does kind of sound like the school district failed miserably here. That's a really ugly record of inaction. 

But where the hell are the parents of these other kids?  I find out my kid is being an ####### to someone for no good reason, they're grounded for eternity. And another parent calls me to complain about it, and 15 mins later my kid is text bullying this child agin?  Oh hell no. 

Sad.  And further proof that people -- including the ones that procreate -- are generally complete morons. 

Being ####s.

“I can tell you that the mother dismissed it, said it was just a big joke and that I really shouldn’t worry about it,” she said. “Even after I asked her daughter to please stop texting Mallory, three minutes later a text message — a series of text messages — came through from that child.”

 

[NewlyRetired]

Have teen girls always been this nasty historically or is this something relatively new that has happened?  

I don't remember girls getting bullied when I was a kid and yet every week it seems now adays you hear about another story.

could it have something to do with the internet?  Since girls don't typically bully using physical force, has the internet just provided them a tool via social media to attack other girls that did not exist when I was growing up?

 

[bigbottom]

No. I've been around enough coaches to know that a good coach heads these things off. Forces kids to bond. Is engaged. Our coach isn't, and I don't think that him forcing things will win my daughter any friends.

watching much of the team stream past our table at a restaurant without acknowledging my daughter was really painful.

That is heartbreaking.  Has she considered just quitting soccer to get away from these girls?

 

[GilbertGrape]

could it have something to do with the internet?  Since girls don't typically bully using physical force, has the internet just provided them a tool via social media to attack other girls that did not exist when I was growing up?

Probably. 

 

[Glass Joe]

My daughter faced some of the same difficulties throughout high school but I was very very lucky that no one ever bullied her.  

My daughter was able to find solace online and become parts of online communities that accepted her in items that interested her.  She never bothered with social media but was still able to become parts of these little groups and they functioned as her friends, even if cyber only.

I hope your daughter can find something similar and more importantly I hope you can find a way for her to stop getting bullied even though I know as a parent you can feel so helpless.

Thanks for the well wishes.

Hopefully you have offered her counseling or she is signed up for online counseling as an outlet. BTW, my daughter struggled in HS but blossomed socially once she went to college. Just keep letting her know how much you care and get her the help she needs through this difficult time. No regerts!

Yeah, my daughter is in counseling. I'm not sure I believe in it, but we've been giving it a try for about 2 years. I appreciate the optimism. I have been hoping for just that outcome.

That is heartbreaking.  Has she considered just quitting soccer to get away from these girls?

She has. Honestly I'm unclear on why she keeps putting herself out there when it's inevitable she'll get shot down. She seems to be a glutton for punishment.

 

[TLEF316]

People suck so bad. Seriously.  Who do so many people just have to be complete ####heads?

 

[RUSF18]

Horrible, horrible story.  Just heartbreaking.

But if we're going to talk about the lawsuit I have two points:

1. People can't cyber bully you if you're not on social media.

This isn't really true. A bunch of kids can still group text or interact on social media about another that isn't connected, pass around embarrassing pictures, etc and then taunt the kid about what is going on in school the next day. There was a similar awful story maybe a year or so ago where this is exactly how the poor kid was bullied. 

 

[daddo39]

Obviously these bullies today have never had a good ### whoopin. I seriously think it would solve a lot of this crap

 

[ren hoek]

Homeschool your kids

 

[rockaction]

Have teen girls always been this nasty historically or is this something relatively new that has happened?  

I don't remember girls getting bullied when I was a kid and yet every week it seems now adays you hear about another story.

Yes, from what I hear from generations prior. Nowadays, however, parent/child dynamics are different, as are community/school ones. These are things that weren't tolerated by schools and communities way back when, and these behaviors were relegated to more underground and purely peer-driven areas and scenes. Now they seem woven into the fabric of teen life as opposed to being a nasty offshoot of it.

 

[belljr]

Have teen girls always been this nasty historically or is this something relatively new that has happened?  

I don't remember girls getting bullied when I was a kid and yet every week it seems now adays you hear about another story.

Yes.  THey even made movies about it.

All the "typical" 80 movies contained the head cheerleader who was a bully etc etc.

However, I don't think parents "participated" like they seem to now and the internet does not help now because the mean things kids say.

Heck we had an 11-12 year old girl that was just mean to all the girls on our team.  Fortunately for us she quit because it was too hard.

And she was terrible - she woudl trash talk even thought she was probably the worst one on the team

 

[Joe Bryant]

Have teen girls always been this nasty historically or is this something relatively new that has happened?  

I don't remember girls getting bullied when I was a kid and yet every week it seems now adays you hear about another story.

Heartbreaking story. My take on @NewlyRetired 's question. Yes, I think kids have always had the tendency to bully. What's changed is the tools kids have now to do it with. 30 years ago, you talked about people and said things. Today with social media, it's a completely different landscape. And for many, it's not nearly as simple as just not participating in social media. It still happens whether you hear it or not. 

So the inclination to bully has always been there I think and probably hasn't changed a lot. It's just the tools to act on it are so much more powerful now. 

 

[msommer]

Horrible, horrible story.  Just heartbreaking.

But if we're going to talk about the lawsuit I have two points:

1. People can't cyber bully you if you're not on social media.

2. What is the school supposed to do about things that happen after school?

You don't have teen daughters, I can tell.

 

[Ilov80s]

A few thoughts as I have dealt with cyberbullying a lot:

1. I would be surprised (and extremely upset) if the school did not address this. When we receive complaints about cyberbullying (which is all the time), an administrator will always sit down with each party involved and have a stern talk. The administrator will also call the parents of everyone involved and ask for help in ending the situation.

2. The school can't do much else. Unless the cyberbullying is happening during school hours, on school property or is being sent with district laptops/tablets/wi-fi. We have had this issue and even tried to pursue discipline over a student posting really nasty things about teachers on their personal Twitter accounts, but were unable to discipline in school because it was all outside of school. 

3. Some parents are just awful. Many of the cases of cyberbullying we have had, the parents were in on it. We would call and inform parents of the issue and the next day someone would bring us a FB post or IG post from the parent threatening the other parent for being a snitch. I've seen grown adults on social media calling high students fat, ugly, etc. 

4. Some parents are just incompetent. Parents ask how they get their kid to stop bullying online. We say take away their phone. The parents agree. Then the problem happens again and we ask the parent why. The parent says the things like "well I did take the phone away for a day" or "I tried to take away the phone but my kid got really mad" or "oh I forgot, I'll do that soon". 

 

[Ilov80s]

Sorry to hear it, that's got to be horrible to see her go through that. Kids can be so damn cruel, I hate 90% of them. Little bastards.

They are far superior to adults

 

[rockaction]

A few thoughts as I have dealt with cyberbullying a lot:

4. Some parents are just incompetent... "oh I forgot, I'll do that soon". 

Wow. You forgot that time you got called into your child's school because he/she was bullying and you promised to take away their phone...

right.

 

[Ilov80s]

Wow. You forgot that time you got called into your child's school because he/she was bullying and you promised to take away their phone...

right.

I actually get that excuse for things all the time. Talk with parent about how their kid isn't doing their work for class. has missing assignments, etc. Parent will say, "Ok. I am taking away their video games and going to make them spend two hours after school each day working on their school work." A couple weeks go by and the kid still hasn't turned anything it. I call and ask the parent what happened to the plan, "Oh yeah, that's right. I just have been so busy with (some story I don't care about). I am going to get right on their butt starting today." Nothing changes and I just stop bothering to speak to the parent because it's clearly a waste of my time. This is a very normal occurrence. 

 

[rockaction]

This is a very normal occurrence. 

I believe it. My brother teaches sixth grade and deals with parents like this often. It makes him sound a bit callous in conversation, but he sort of has to write off parental lost causes.

 

[shifty]

My daughter has a close group of about 5 or 6 friends, both male and female. Last summer she invited one of her long time male friends to go and play Pokemon Go with her, they hadn't spent much time together as he had a new girlfriend. At first he said that sounds great but an hour or so later he backs out because his girlfriend didn't like the idea. My daughter couldn't fathom him letting his girlfriend have that kind of control over him and she felt he was choosing the GF over their friendship. She quit talking to him. Problem started when the rest of the group "sides" with her and also stops talking to him. I keep tabs on the situation and kindly suggest that she talk to him and let him know why she was upset  instead of just not talking to him, that they had been friends too long to let something like this stop their friendship. "We`ll see" is the response I got. Anyway, things come to a head when one night the boys mother posts on facebook about her son coming home crying because his so called friends won't talk to him. I knew what she was talking about. I told my daughter that was enough and for her to talk to the boy asap and get things settled. She did and agreed she should have before then. 

 

[Thunderlips]

Thanks for the well wishes.

Yeah, my daughter is in counseling. I'm not sure I believe in it, but we've been giving it a try for about 2 years. I appreciate the optimism. I have been hoping for just that outcome.

She has. Honestly I'm unclear on why she keeps putting herself out there when it's inevitable she'll get shot down. She seems to be a glutton for punishment.

It's just a weird dynamic.  For some odd reason, you crave the approval of the person/people doing it.

 

[RUSF18]

Also really sorry to hear about what your daughter is going through @ChopMeat. My girl is only 6 months old and yet it still hit close to home. Those kids and the coach are awful. 

Does your daughter have anything approaching a relationship with even one of the girls on that team? I bet that in a group that large, there is at least one kind, sweet girl who knows right from wrong and doesn't really want to engage in the bullying/ostracizing and is kind of going along with the pack because she doesn't want to be the outsider (like your daughter, unfortunately). Maybe invite the girl and her parents over for a BBQ, ask the parents if you can pick the kids up from practice and take them for dinner/ice cream, etc and maybe that would help build something and allow your daughter to feel just a bit included, and maybe that transfers into bringing her more into the larger group.

Just a thought based on stuff I've read in the past. Good luck. 

 

[rockaction]

I keep tabs on the situation and kindly suggest that she talk to him and let him know why she was upset  instead of just not talking to him, that they had been friends too long to let something like this stop their friendship. "We`ll see" is the response I got. Anyway, things come to a head when one night the boys mother posts on facebook about her son coming home crying because his so called friends won't talk to him. I knew what she was talking about. I told my daughter that was enough and for her to talk to the boy asap and get things settled. She did and agreed she should have before then. 

Good parenting, IMO.

 

[El Floppo]

My oldest is 10 and going into 5th grade... all of this scares the #### out of me. 

His school appears to be fairly proactive about this stuff, but they're still on the young side. and my kid doesn't have a phone or any social media accounts yet.

One thing that's concerning me about the comments in here... I get wanting to protect the kid, but taking away their phone or social media apps? Pulling them from a team? My kid's not there yet, so I admit to being naive about this, but intuitively it seems like punishing your kid for being bullied. 

After going to the school (and yeah, I don't have faith in most parents to see the bigger picture and accept that their kid is in the wrong) if there's no action, is there a way of publicizing the terrible behavior of the bullies? Bring it to light to shame the them and make people aware of what ####s these kids and parents are and in case they're going after somebody else too? Or is it more likely, in these days especially, these are people without shame and might take pride in it.