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Parent Advice - 9 yo son did something stupid (1 Viewer)

Caesar

Caesar

Footballguy
Hi all.  Looking for any advice or maybe some experiences that have worked for others if they have ever been in a similar situation.

Yesterday, a little boy on my son's bus started writing on sticky notes that kids were going to die at midnight.  This was scaring some of the younger kids, and my son did something stupid.  He took out is cell phone and told them that he was calling the devil, the number is 666. 

When the school called me today, I was floored.  This is extremely out of character for him (I know, the idiot parent is always shocked when their kid acts like a little jerk).  He has always been great with other kids, younger and older.  He loves having friends, and I have never seen him be mean to anyone. 

I, and the principal agreed, believe that he thought it was a joke and was just teasing.  I don't think he knows how serious something like that would be taken, and more than a few parents called the school to complain.  I feel so bad for those parents and kids right now, and I am really pissed.  I will not be able to be home when my son gets home, and for that I am grateful in some ways because I really need to think this through.

The school has suspended him from the bus for three days next week.  He can go to school, but we will have to drive him. 

My thoughts on his punishment, after we talk to him about it, are as follows:

1.  Take away all electronics for a week.  No video games or ipad or TV.  

2.  He will use his own money to buy a pack of cards and write an apology letter to every kid that he scared and give it to them when he is allowed to ride the bus again.

3.  He has a "extravaganza" at school tomorrow.  We alreayd bought tickets.  Its games and food and fun.  I do not think we are going now.  (I have even considered going and standing outside and making him give our tickets to people who are going in)

4.  I am looking for a book for him to read about being nice to others.  It will be learning experience and give him something to do other than video games, videos, etc.

I don't know if that is too harsh, but I really want him to understand how serious this is, and especially in today's world how things like this can be construed.  Any other suggenstions or thoughts are appreciated.

 
As this is America, you should immediately prepare a lawsuit against the school, the parents of the kids who complained, and the manufacturer of the school bus. 

...j/k...kudos to you for doing something. Alot of parents wouldn't, unfortunately.

 
He scared little kids about calling the devil. I'd just talk to him and make sure he understands its not nice to scare little kids but to punish him for something I dont think is serious at all is too much IMO. He didnt bully. He didnt threaten. He made a silly joke to act cool. Big deal.

 
Don't punish the outcome.  Punish his intent, if it's deserved.  It sounds like it is not.  He's 9 and likely has zero clue how serious that was.  Other parents that are pissed off should recognize this too since they have 9 year olds too.  

 
Serious answer... 1. Stay calm.  2. Talk to him about it...find out why he did it.  3. Assuming he meant it as a joke as you suspect, use it as a teachable moment to discuss what is appropriate and not appropriate.  Point out why some people may be offended or scared by such a thing.  4.  Move on.  Not sure you really need more consequences unless his answer to #2 was that he wanted to terrorize the other children.  If that's the case, seek counseling.

 
What is really important here is whether or not he showed any sympathy when he made the call.  If not, you have a lot of work ahead...

 
*6*6*6..   riing...  *click*   HELLo?    Yo 'Tan!  Yassup my man?  Hey I got a couple little f*ckers here on a bus threatening little kids- got something for them?  One month in boiling oil? cool- I'll pass on the message!   Tell the mistresses I said hey- later!

 
Be cool if Little Nicky had answered the phone call. 

I would punish lightly.  Make him apologize to all those he scared and take away his video game/ipad for a day.  This is pretty minor. 

 
jomar said:
parents called the school to complain about your kid because he pretended to call the devil?   :doh:   oh, come on

are you sure they didn't get your kid mixed up with the kid who was, conceivably, threatening other kids?
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Yea it makes no sense to me either.  If my kid came home worked up about some kid saying he was going to call the devil I’d be more worried what’s wrong with my kid.  

 
As a parent of a 11 year old and 8 year old, I would probably laugh my ### off. 

I don't think he needs to write letters or read a book. If you want to take away his cell phone for a day, fine. Otherwise, just call him a ####### and be done with it. 

 
Is this a parochial school?

...and did the Devil answer? :devil:

 
Lots of good responses in here, and you guys calmed me down a bit.  I don't know what happened to the other kid, but I am sure he is at least suspended from the bus for three days as well.  He might have gotten more since he was the instigator.

I don't want to overpunish him, but I do want him to know it was wrong.  I agree wtih the poster who said to take away his cell phone until he is 12.  I debated him having it at all, but because his mom and I both work, and his grandparents watch him and they don't really speak English, I wanted him to have it for emergencies. 

Still, I think some of this comes from Facebook and YouTube and some of the "prank" or "joke" vidoes that get posted, so I do want to do a better job monitoring that stuff.

I went from single to Married with 4 kids in 16 months, so this is all pretty new to me.  I just don't want to screw it up.

 
Galileo said:
Serious answer... 1. Stay calm.  2. Talk to him about it...find out why he did it.  3. Assuming he meant it as a joke as you suspect, use it as a teachable moment to discuss what is appropriate and not appropriate.  Point out why some people may be offended or scared by such a thing.  4.  Move on.  Not sure you really need more consequences unless his answer to #2 was that he wanted to terrorize the other children.  If that's the case, seek counseling.
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I would probably make him apologize to the kids he scared in addition to this.

 
Caesar said:
Lots of good responses in here, and you guys calmed me down a bit.  I don't know what happened to the other kid, but I am sure he is at least suspended from the bus for three days as well.  He might have gotten more since he was the instigator.

I don't want to overpunish him, but I do want him to know it was wrong.  I agree wtih the poster who said to take away his cell phone until he is 12.  I debated him having it at all, but because his mom and I both work, and his grandparents watch him and they don't really speak English, I wanted him to have it for emergencies. 

Still, I think some of this comes from Facebook and YouTube and some of the "prank" or "joke" vidoes that get posted, so I do want to do a better job monitoring that stuff.

I went from single to Married with 4 kids in 16 months, so this is all pretty new to me.  I just don't want to screw it up.
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My son will be 9 in June. He is also obsessed with YouTube videos on the iPad. He is banned from watching prank videos. If I catch him watching one I take away his YouTube videos permanently. This all stemmed from a prank video he watched over a year ago and then he snuck into our bathroom and put toothpaste all under the toilet seat. In the grand scheme of things not a big deal but I didnt want it to go further so I made that rule going forward. He's been very good about it since then.

 
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Ramblin Wreck said:
Don't punish the outcome.  Punish his intent, if it's deserved.  It sounds like it is not.  He's 9 and likely has zero clue how serious that was.  Other parents that are pissed off should recognize this too since they have 9 year olds too.  
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You have to be kidding me right?  At age 29 he gets into a car drunk just intending to get home.  He kills a family of four.  I guess we will just give him a stern talking too because he had no intent of hurting anyone, he just wanted to get home.  My god we wonder why kids are complete #### heads these days. 

 
Caesar said:
Lots of good responses in here, and you guys calmed me down a bit.  I don't know what happened to the other kid, but I am sure he is at least suspended from the bus for three days as well.  He might have gotten more since he was the instigator.

I don't want to overpunish him, but I do want him to know it was wrong.  I agree wtih the poster who said to take away his cell phone until he is 12.  I debated him having it at all, but because his mom and I both work, and his grandparents watch him and they don't really speak English, I wanted him to have it for emergencies. 

Still, I think some of this comes from Facebook and YouTube and some of the "prank" or "joke" vidoes that get posted, so I do want to do a better job monitoring that stuff.

I went from single to Married with 4 kids in 16 months, so this is all pretty new to me.  I just don't want to screw it up.
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Free pass for you that's quite a transition....my opinion as a parent is that my kids won't have cell phones until 12 at the earliest.  I know everyone has different circumstances but the.longer I keep them away from cell phones the better.

 
sbonomo said:
You have to be kidding me right?  At age 29 he gets into a car drunk just intending to get home.  He kills a family of four.  I guess we will just give him a stern talking too because he had no intent of hurting anyone, he just wanted to get home.  My god we wonder why kids are complete #### heads these days. 
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:lmao:

Clearly a 9 year old dialing 666 and a 29 year old drunk driver need to be disciplined and educated the same way.  Well done

 
Ramblin Wreck said:
:lmao:

Clearly a 9 year old dialing 666 and a 29 year old drunk driver need to be disciplined and educated the same way.  Well done
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Reference to your flawed logic.  What do you think should happen to the other kid?  he intended it as a joke right? 

ETA:  If I would have done something stupid like that as a kid I would have gotten an ### beating and would have been grounded indefinitely.  Guess what, my brothers and I didn't do dumb stuff like the OP'S son because there were real consequences.  Just my opinion.

 
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Do taking away electronics include the cell phone? My initial thought was talk to him about it, take away the cell phone for a while and no extravaganza. To be honest my kids are in high school so I may be a little bit out of touch but do all 9 year olds carry cell phones? Seems young to this old timer.

 
OP, you are thinking along the right lines in my opinion! Your kid messed up and it won’t be his last time. Don’t go over board but I would follow through with much of the stuff you described on your opening response. The way you follow through now will help with future choices he will make. To brush it off like some have suggested is the wrong take. It won’t hurt your kid to miss out on electronics and some fun activities now that will benefit him and your family down the line! I’ve got a 19 & 21 year old that have had their share of poor choices (like their dad) but they had consequences to their choices and in comparison to most 19&21 year olds they are far more productive, respectful and kind. Follow your initial instinct and follow through with some discipline!!!

 
mozzy84 said:
That’s funny stuff right there.  Parents actually called the school because of that? 
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I think it is a reaction (or overreaction) to the current events.  I know its sad, but people don't know how young this stuff is going to go, and parents are scared in general. 

I have twin daughter who are too young for school, but I try to think of how I would feel if a little boy did that to them when they are older.  I don't know I would call the school, but I don't begrudge others for doing so.

 
sbonomo said:
Reference to your flawed logic.  What do you think should happen to the other kid?  he intended it as a joke right? 

ETA:  If I would have done something stupid like that as a kid I would have gotten an ### beating and would have been grounded indefinitely.  Guess what, my brothers and I didn't do dumb stuff like the OP'S son because there were real consequences.  Just my opinion.
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I'm sorry you got your ### beat by your parents as a 9 year old.  

 
sbonomo said:
This is the part of the story that got me, why in the world does a 9-year old have a cell phone (non parent here so I may be way off).
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There are a ton of legit reasons a 9 year would have a cell phone . Myself, we have not allowed my daughter to have a phone. Next year she will be 11 and in middle school. We figure it is time. She will actually get it a little early for her birthday. But I'm not going to get on someone because their kid has one. 

Legislating YouTube is a good thing. My kids watched some moron named jeffey. We put an end to that. You can always see what they watch with history and they both have stayed away. 

 
AcerFC said:
Legislating YouTube is a good thing. My kids watched some moron named jeffey. We put an end to that. You can always see what they watch with history and they both have stayed away. 
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clearing cache/browsing history down?

all because you don't see it doesn't mean it didn't happen - ONLY fix is blocking, or extremely diligent monitoring.  extremely.

 
I talked to my wife.  She was on third shift last night and second tonight, so she was sleeping this morning when I got the call.  Since neither of us will be there when he gets home from school, we agreed to keep his electronics locked up and no TV tonight.  He was already talked to at school, so he knows why. 

We will talk to him first thing tomorrow when she gets home from work and go from there.  I think the extravaganza is out and I will definitely take away the cell phone and monitor his YouTube better.

Tonight, he can do his homework, read from his book, and play with his baby sisters which are all things he likes to do, so its not really a punishment as much as I just want him to think a little about priveledges that he has. 

 
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