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Parent Advice - 9 yo son did something stupid (1 Viewer)

TheFanatic said:
I have a 9 year old. Not one, but two kids in his class have cells. Not just some simple basic phone good for only calling and texting, brand spanking new iPhones. My kid can't find his socks 5 minutes after coming home. He would lose that think in a New York minute. not to mention what it does to brain development. I'm fighting hard not to get him one and want to straight up slap the parents of the two kids that gave their kids phones. 
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I try not to judge other parents.  But last year my daughter's 1st grade classmate told me his favorite movie was "Deadpool".  Basically, it's impossible to not judge some things.

 
Mr. Ected said:
My thought is why was your son punished when he was protecting the other kids. He was responding to the issue, in defense of the other kids.

YouTube has an app for younger viewers; YouTube Kids is designed to "make it safer and simpler for kids to explore the world through online video – from their favorite shows and music to learning how to build a model volcano (or make slime ;-), and everything in between. There’s also a whole suite of parental controls, so you can tailor the experience to your family’s needs." My 11 y.o. daughter watches it a lot and hasn't seen anything offensive. There is a version for both iOS and Android.
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What about Chromebook?

 
CletiusMaximus said:
I'm somewhat curious about this as well.  For many people, "the devil" is a cartoon character, a sports team mascot or a Halloween costume.  I suppose for many religious folks - including the kids, their parents and the school officials - this aspect of the story might have more meaning.

fwiw, I think the proposed punishment is way too severe, and could be counter-productive.  The discussion you have with him is way more important than the temporary removal of his privileges.  For me and my family, the important thing would be to learn that being mean to kids, especially younger kids, is not cool.  That's not to say his intent was to be mean, but that's probably the lesson here - being aware of the effect your actions will have on others.
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Punish him, but make sure you explain why. Tell him jumping in on some other kid threatening the lives of younger kids is not cool on a number of levels and will not be tolerated. 

 
So, real answer.  I think he definitely messed up a bit with scaring younger kids who are even dumber than the 4th graders are.  I think the school's reaction is wholly wrong and I would fight tooth and nail to make sure that they do not punish him and that this does not go in his file.  I also think that a 9 year old doesn't need a cell phone and it might be better to have a land line in the house instead.  That phone will probably cause more trouble than it's worth.  However, he already has it, and I wouldn't take it from him as a reaction to this.  I'm not sure if I'd punish him... I'd definitely want him to understand that scaring 1st graders isn't cool, it's not exactly bullying but it isn't exactly not bullying either.  Perhaps, I'd consider doing something to scare the bejesus out of him as a lesson in how it's not cool to scare young kids.

 
I'm not sure I see the logic in taking away his cellphone, since he has it for emergencies.  If you can take it away for a few days then he doesn't really need it.  

He now knows it was bad, it's out of character so myself, I'd make my kids clean the bathroom or some nonsense like that.   

 
(HULK) said:
I try not to judge other parents.  But last year my daughter's 1st grade classmate told me his favorite movie was "Deadpool".  Basically, it's impossible to not judge some things.
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I quote deadpool a lot (editing out the profanity when in front of my kids), so my kids do as well. If in public I feel compelled to address everyone in the general vicinity that while my 9 and 7 year olds know some deadpool quotes they have never seen the movie and probably won't be allowed to until college. 

 
To the OP, interesting to hear how you fairly recently fell into the family life. Just in general kids are going to screw up from time to time and you as a parent will screw up from time to time as well. I see no problem handing down some consequences for his actions and as I stated earlier I would take away the cell phone for a while and might not have him go to the fun school function this weekend and talk to him. In the end my approach has been to not make a mountain out of a mole hill.

 
Caesar said:
Maybe it deserves its own thread or a poll, but I am a little surprised at the number of people who think 9 is too young to have a cell phone.

I guess I thought the same thing at first, but when I really looked at the positives and negatives, there just wasn't enough negative (not foreseeing making calls to satan, of course) to dissuade it. 

It was a hand-me-down.  Its on a family plan and doesn't cost anything.  Other than general lack of maturity, its not like you can make anonymous prank calls these days,.. oh, wait...
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Does he use data? If not what kind of punishment would it be to take away his cell phone? If it uses data then thats the reason its too young. Can browse the internet, social media, youtube on his own... no thanks. 

 
The other parents should be ashamed that their kids even believed the devil could be reached by phone.  Everyone knows he's only on Snapchat.

 
(HULK) said:
Mr. Ected said:
My thought is why was your son punished when he was protecting the other kids. He was responding to the issue, in defense of the other kids.

YouTube has an app for younger viewers; YouTube Kids is designed to "make it safer and simpler for kids to explore the world through online video – from their favorite shows and music to learning how to build a model volcano (or make slime ;-), and everything in between. There’s also a whole suite of parental controls, so you can tailor the experience to your family’s needs." My 11 y.o. daughter watches it a lot and hasn't seen anything offensive. There is a version for both iOS and Android.
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What about Chromebook?
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Dunno, I don't have one. The non-iOS app is done by Google, I don't know if this helps.

 
TheFanatic said:
Punish him, but make sure you explain why. Tell him jumping in on some other kid threatening the lives of younger kids is not cool on a number of levels and will not be tolerated. 
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Huh. I read it as him diffusing the other kid's scare tactics by making a joke. 

But your way is the only reason other parents or kids would be reacting as freaked out here.

 
Your list of punishments are way too harsh. I'd use this as a learning experience. Just remind him that, since the other kids and their parents are a bunch of whiners, use of made up characters like the devil, Santa, Easter bunny etc., to manipulate the behavior of others must be reserved for when it's really important. 

 
Mr. Ected said:
My thought is why was your son punished when he was protecting the other kids. He was responding to the issue, in defense of the other kids.
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In talking to my son about this (14) I started to wonder if Ceaser's son was in a situation similar to the position in football where the guy who pushes back gets the flag pulled on them. Were the other parents calling to complain about his 'performance' when the real issue was the kid who did the original 'post-it ing?'

 
Caesar said:
We also live in a very diverse area with a lot of immigrants from other countries.  Different cultures and upbrinings have different reactions to things.  I can at least say that is true based on my experiences in world travels.

Just look at the range of comments in this thread alone.  (the jokes do make me laugh)
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Agree with previous post: How you treat this infraction sets up future ones, especially given your immediate family circumstances. Understanding the why from him, and then explaining the ramifications of said decision are the keys IMO. 

Have a 10 year old and if she pulled this, she'd lose the phone for an extended period of time-several months (she has wife's old one only tied to our wifi), and whatever her currency was (electronics, sports, books etc) for the time period she's suspended from the bus. 

What part of town? Fellow Cincy guy. 

 
(HULK) said:
For reference, whenever my 9 year old complains that her friends have a cell phone and she doesn't, I just say, "Well, her parents must love her more." and then look at her with dead eyes.
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I can't wait to read your thread in 30 years where you are asking the lawyerguys for advice on how to stop your daughter from putting you in one of those shady nursing homes she saw on 60 Minutes.

 
odin33 said:
Agree with previous post: How you treat this infraction sets up future ones, especially given your immediate family circumstances. Understanding the why from him, and then explaining the ramifications of said decision are the keys IMO. 

Have a 10 year old and if she pulled this, she'd lose the phone for an extended period of time-several months (she has wife's old one only tied to our wifi), and whatever her currency was (electronics, sports, books etc) for the time period she's suspended from the bus. 

What part of town? Fellow Cincy guy. 
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:bye:

 
Caesar said:
Maybe it deserves its own thread or a poll, but I am a little surprised at the number of people who think 9 is too young to have a cell phone.

I guess I thought the same thing at first, but when I really looked at the positives and negatives, there just wasn't enough negative (not foreseeing making calls to satan, of course) to dissuade it. 

It was a hand-me-down.  Its on a family plan and doesn't cost anything.  Other than general lack of maturity, its not like you can make anonymous prank calls these days,.. oh, wait...
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My daughter is 11. All of her friends have phones.  my daughter doesn't have one, nor will she get one any time soon.  The only thing it seems to be good for is stirring up drama between her friends. 

 
odin33 said:
Agree with previous post: How you treat this infraction sets up future ones, especially given your immediate family circumstances. Understanding the why from him, and then explaining the ramifications of said decision are the keys IMO. 

Have a 10 year old and if she pulled this, she'd lose the phone for an extended period of time-several months (she has wife's old one only tied to our wifi), and whatever her currency was (electronics, sports, books etc) for the time period she's suspended from the bus. 

What part of town? Fellow Cincy guy. 
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Live in Mason, but kids go to Kings.

 
(HULK) said:
For reference, whenever my 9 year old complains that her friends have a cell phone and she doesn't, I just say, "Well, her parents must love her more." and then look at her with dead eyes.
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I tell mine that the devil will text pictures of mommy and daddy having sex. Works like a charm since 9 year olds are so stupid and think the devil can be reached by cell phone.  

 
DA RAIDERS said:
My daughter is 11. All of her friends have phones.  my daughter doesn't have one, nor will she get one any time soon.  The only thing it seems to be good for is stirring up drama between her friends. 
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We got my 11 son one for his last birthday and he seems to be one of the few that have one in his grade.  Mostly got it for night  practices and so I can leave him at home and run an errand.  No facebook or YouTube channels.  He is playing games on it quite a bit, but also does podcasts at night and spotify during the day.  No problems so far, and he has learned to leave it in the car for family stuff or if we go out to eat. 

 
Double punishment? He already lost the bus for three days. I would not pile on. Let him know why he is a dumb donkey, make him apologize and move on. 

 
KarmaPolice said:
We got my 11 son one for his last birthday and he seems to be one of the few that have one in his grade.  Mostly got it for night  practices and so I can leave him at home and run an errand.  No facebook or YouTube channels.  He is playing games on it quite a bit, but also does podcasts at night and spotify during the day.  No problems so far, and he has learned to leave it in the car for family stuff or if we go out to eat. 
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If he wants the videos, check out the YTKids. It works great.

 
It’s not about the phone, or the devil, really, imo. The kid was part of creating a disturbance on the bus and the punishment is pretty light. I had a slightly older kid get banned from  the bus once because something that would be taken completely as a dumb junior-high joke by his peers was taken seriously by a younger student at the bus stop. It was really dumb, and driving him  to school and back for a couple of weeks was a pain and indeed more of a punishment to the parents, since he actually got to sleep in (could leave 30 minutes later and still get to school on time)guess it worked though. Two weeks of me telling the kid daily “can’t believe I’m driving your dumb ### to school, you’re going to be on a milk carton if this happens again....” must have sunk in.

i wouldn’t miss a school activity over this, or take the phone (if it wasn’t the phone, he would have found some other way to join in the “fun”on the bus. Some minor loss of privileges and maybe dial back bedtime or video game time for a bit seems fair.

 
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Rustoleum said:
It’s not about the phone, or the devil, really, imo. The kid was part of creating a disturbance on the bus and the punishment is pretty light. I had a slightly older kid get banned from  the bus once because something that would be taken completely as a dumb junior-high joke by his peers was taken seriously by a younger student at the bus stop. It was really dumb, and driving him  to school and back for a couple of weeks was a pain and indeed more of a punishment to the parents, since he actually got to sleep in (could leave 30 minutes later and still get to school on time)guess it worked though. Two weeks of me telling the kid daily “can’t believe I’m driving your dumb ### to school, you’re going to be on a milk carton if this happens again....” must have sunk in.

i wouldn’t miss a school activity over this, or take the phone (if it wasn’t the phone, he would have found some other way to join in the “fun”on the bus. Some minor loss of privileges and maybe dial back bedtime or video game time for a bit seems fair.
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Yes, I don't think taking the phone away is really going to make a difference.  I am actually surprised he had it with him.  Its usually sitting on his bed or one of a million other places in the house instead of with him.  Its just an old iphone 5.  I don't think he has watched videos or anything on it at all.  He does like to call his friend who lives over a street (guess I need to find out if that was the other kid who was involved), but mostly he doesn't seem to care about the phone one way or another. 

 
pack100 said:
Double punishment? He already lost the bus for three days. I would not pile on. Let him know why he is a dumb donkey, make him apologize and move on. 
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 Like the poster above said, this is more of a punishment for the parents.  My son would be happy to not be able to bus into school - 30 more minutes of farting around in the morning.  

 
KarmaPolice said:
We got my 11 son one for his last birthday and he seems to be one of the few that have one in his grade.  Mostly got it for night  practices and so I can leave him at home and run an errand.  No facebook or YouTube channels.  He is playing games on it quite a bit, but also does podcasts at night and spotify during the day.  No problems so far, and he has learned to leave it in the car for family stuff or if we go out to eat. 
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i bolded the key word.  the current and impending girl drama is the f'ing worst

 
Wait, I don't quite understand.

Punish him the same as how you would punish him for telling kids he was going to call the Easter Bunny, Aquaman, or the female orgasm. 

Which is to say - very little.  Unless the female orgasm calls back.  If she does, tell her I've been looking for her for years. 

 
But serious question:  Can the OP (or anyone else) explain to me what exactly his kid did wrong?  I'm still confused by the original post.  He posted it like we all see the bad thing his kid did.  I must be missing something. 

 
Sweet J said:
But serious question:  Can the OP (or anyone else) explain to me what exactly his kid did wrong?  I'm still confused by the original post.  He posted it like we all see the bad thing his kid did.  I must be missing something. 
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He contributed to the scaring of little kids.  It's odd to people like you and I because kids in general are coddled these days.  Something like this wouldn't have even been close to being an incident when I was a kid.  But there's not much a parent can do because its the times we live in.  

 
Teaching opportunity. Just talk about how he made others feel and it was not right. 3 days off the bus is the punishment. Be happy on the inside he has a sense of humor and not one of these depressed kids.

 
Yeah, don't go crazy with the punishment on this one. If he is a good kid, make this more of a learning lesson and throw in a "How would you feel if an older kid did...come up with something...."  Leave it at as lesson regarding bullying and you are good to go. The school has basically punished you more than him. 

As the father of two daughters (13--18), one of the most important things I have learned as a parent is you have to pick and choose your spots for punishment and make sure you tier them. I remember I used to go scorched earth on my first daughter when she was young and did something stupid, but the problem with that move is when she would do something REALLY stupid, I had no big punishment because I already imposed that earlier. You always have to have a fall back plan and punishment or they become immune--my oldest would just hand me her phone when she screwed up because she knew it was coming. It wasn't a punishment--it was an expectation. So she didn't care.

BTW my kids got cell phones once they started middle school--so around 11. However, that was more for my wife and I to be able to stay in contact with them with all their activities and such--plus the "Find my Iphone" feature is a plus. I had my oldest convinced we had her micro-chipped when she was born and that is why I knew where she was all the time. I would tell her "Well, people put a chip in their dogs in case they ran away--why wouldn't we do it for our kids."  That worked almost all the way thru middle school--until she figured out how to turn off location services. 

 
Courtjester said:
 That worked almost all the way thru middle school--until she figured out how to turn off location services. 
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Turn off location services = grounded without phone for a week. Second offense two weeks. 

Dont respond to text messages in a timely manner? Same thing. 

 
:lol:   I love the law and order folks in this thread.  I would've been sent to a siberian mining camp at that age with some of the punishments that are being dished out in this thread for scaring some younger kids on the bus.   

 
shadyridr said:
This all stemmed from a prank video he watched over a year ago and then he snuck into our bathroom and put toothpaste all under the toilet seat.
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:lmao: This is pretty great for a 9 year old. 

 
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