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Parent Advice - 9 yo son did something stupid (1 Viewer)

Key to learning what’s nonsense in this world is being fed some now and then. Now these kids know there is no cell phone devil, while a bunch of other #### head kids who weren’t on the bus still believe in him.

 
So we’re at four pages and neither the Principal nor the parents have spoken to the boy yet. But all the decisions are already made. I understand you and your wife work different hours but it’s silly to be dishing out punishments and blowing this out of proportion before hearing his side. Maybe he immediately said he was kidding. We don’t know. But we know who does know.

 
sbonomo said:
This is the part of the story that got me, why in the world does a 9-year old have a cell phone (non parent here so I may be way off).
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I’d guess in affluent areas more kids have cellphones than don’t.  Our rule is double-digits - I’ll have 6 freaking iPhones in 2 months when #4 turns 10.

 
Johnny Rock said:
So we’re at four pages and neither the Principal nor the parents have spoken to the boy yet. But all the decisions are already made. I understand you and your wife work different hours but it’s silly to be dishing out punishments and blowing this out of proportion before hearing his side. Maybe he immediately said he was kidding. We don’t know. But we know who does know.
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No. I thought i mentioned it earlier, but i didn’t.  The principal talked to my son. He admitted to doing it and they talked about how it was not ok to scare younger kids. 

I am proud that he admitted to it and didnt try to lie. Thats a big plus in my book. 

Sadly, my almost 16 year old daughter asked him what happened and he got upset and cried a lot.  He went to sleep very early.  I think his own conscience is punishment enough at this point. 

 
I’m sure this has been said already but why does a 9 year old need a cell phone?

that and did he say hi to my X when she answered?

 
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boots11234 said:
I’m sure this has been said already but why does a 9 year old need a cell phone?

that and did he say hi to my X when she answered?
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Because they may be out of mommy and daddy''s sight for a few minutes and there are people out there just waiting to snatch up kids without cell phones.

And  :lol: about your ex.

 
boots11234 said:
I’m sure this has been said already but why does a 9 year old need a cell phone?

that and did he say hi to my X when she answered?
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Where I live (NYC) and amongst my peers elsewhere, it's usual for kids to get phones when they start getting around by themselves- typically middle school, so 11 +/-.

Our 10yo hasn't been anywhere yet without a parent or babysitter- we're not worried about boogeymen, just the logistics of navigating NYC streets and transit, especislly during rush hour when he'd be going to school it coming home from extracurriculars. But he's been capable for a while now, imo- just have to convince the wife which is slow, but imminent. 

At that point, we'll be getting him a phone so he can coordinate/confirm his travel and schedule with us and/or reach out for help if needed. I expect more texts than calls- "made it to my drum lesson", "on my way home". And we work traditional hours.

That said- I don't think he needs a smart phone... Just something he can use to call/text.

I hope that explains why a kid, or parents of a kid, would want the kid to have a phone.

 
Scoresman said:
Also, lmao at the school's punishment.  Suspension from the bus is more of a punishment for the parents since they now have to drive the kid to school.  The kid just got three days of chauffeur service.
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Exactly.  Can he walk to school safely?  If there are busy intersections or if it's too far then forget it.  Of those arnt issues, this could serve as his punishment from you and it would align with the schools punishment.  

 
El Floppo said:
Where I live (NYC) and amongst my peers elsewhere, it's usual for kids to get phones when they start getting around by themselves- typically middle school, so 11 +/-.

Our 10yo hasn't been anywhere yet without a parent or babysitter- we're not worried about boogeymen, just the logistics of navigating NYC streets and transit, especislly during rush hour when he'd be going to school it coming home from extracurriculars. But he's been capable for a while now, imo- just have to convince the wife which is slow, but imminent. 

At that point, we'll be getting him a phone so he can coordinate/confirm his travel and schedule with us and/or reach out for help if needed. I expect more texts than calls- "made it to my drum lesson", "on my way home". And we work traditional hours.

That said- I don't think he needs a smart phone... Just something he can use to call/text.

I hope that explains why a kid, or parents of a kid, would want the kid to have a phone.
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One of my sons friends has some GPS watch where he can call like 4 numbers and get texts .  I think it’s Verizon only though so we haven’t got one

 
shadyridr said:
Seriously? WTF cares? The other kid should be the one in trouble. The devil? Really?
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If some kid posts on social media saying a bunch of other kids are going to die today and then his buddy posts a response that he's calling the devil to get him ready, I'm pretty sure people wouldn't just excuse the 2nd kid because the devil is a fictional character.  Yes, I know that's a huge stretch and not what happened here, but I would bet that to at least one of the parents who complained, there was at least a tiny chance that this was more than kids just joking around.  

He might as well learn the lesson now that you can't make threats to the lives of classmates these days without getting a lot of attention on yourself, and if one of your buddies is the one doing it, you can't jump in any way that might look like you're part of it.

 
jhib said:
If some kid posts on social media saying a bunch of other kids are going to die today and then his buddy posts a response that he's calling the devil to get him ready, I'm pretty sure people wouldn't just excuse the 2nd kid because the devil is a fictional character.  Yes, I know that's a huge stretch and not what happened here, but I would bet that to at least one of the parents who complained, there was at least a tiny chance that this was more than kids just joking around.  

He might as well learn the lesson now that you can't make threats to the lives of classmates these days without getting a lot of attention on yourself, and if one of your buddies is the one doing it, you can't jump in any way that might look like you're part of it.
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Remember when we were kids and we would sit around the camp fire telling scary stories about how every one was going to die by some evil hobo living in the woods that was a devil warshiper and we were all going to be carved open by some huge knife and sacrificed to the devil over candle light.  It was funny as hell.  What the hell happened to the world.  

I would pissed if my kid got in trouble for this.

edit:  just missed posting this on my 666th post.

 
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abbottjamesr said:
Remember when we were kids and we would sit around the camp fire telling scary stories about how every one was going to die by some evil hobo living in the woods that was a devil warshiper and we were all going to be carved open by some huge knife and sacrificed to the devil over candle light.  It was funny as hell.  What the hell happened to the world.  

I would pissed if my kid got in trouble for this.
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Not apples to apples.  In your scenario everyone was a willing participant in the story telling, but the younger kids in the bus were not.

 
Steeler said:
Not apples to apples.  In your scenario everyone was a willing participant in the story telling, but the younger kids in the bus were not.
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Pretty sure the only reason we told the stories was to freak people out.  If no one was scared by it, it wasn't worth doing.

Since when is scaring people about imaginary stuff a punishable offense?

 
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abbottjamesr said:
Pretty sure the only reason we told the stories was to freak people out.  If no one was scared by it, it wasn't worth doing.

Since when is scaring people about imaginary stuff a punishable offense?
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 It's not just about the devil comment, it's in the context of the other boy threatening the other kids.  In this crazy world of violence at schools I can see why the school acted the way they did.

 
I hope you explained to him that the devil is a fictional character from an ancient storybook, and just like Santa is not reading letters, the devil does not take phone calls.

 
AcerFC said:
There are a ton of legit reasons a 9 year would have a cell phone . Myself, we have not allowed my daughter to have a phone. Next year she will be 11 and in middle school. We figure it is time. She will actually get it a little early for her birthday. But I'm not going to get on someone because their kid has one. 

Legislating YouTube is a good thing. My kids watched some moron named jeffey. We put an end to that. You can always see what they watch with history and they both have stayed away. 
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This guy?

Good move.  Kid is a pyro.

 
Zerp said:
Sigh. Children socialize at 4. His son is 9. He cares. I care. Stop being 'that guy'.
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Part of socializing is learning appropriate from inappropriate behavior. Sounds like you agree with some others that pretending to call the devil is inappropriate. I disagree. Imo the teachable moment should be towards the death-threat kid and the letting the kids who cried know this devil call was a joke that had no possible affect on them.

 
El Floppo said:
Part of socializing is learning appropriate from inappropriate behavior. Sounds like you agree with some others that pretending to call the devil is inappropriate. I disagree. Imo the teachable moment should be towards the death-threat kid and the letting the kids who cried know this devil call was a joke that had no possible affect on them.
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3/4 of shady's reply was "Seriously? WTF cares? Really?'. My reply is "the OP cares". Both of you have been on this board long enough to know people ask for advice all the time. 

 
Mr. Ected said:
My thought is why was your son punished when he was protecting the other kids. He was responding to the issue, in defense of the other kids.
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I just realized I may have interpreted the description of the incident in a completely wrong way. I thought the kid writing the death notes got the younger kids all scared and then little Caesar joined in by trying to scare them more with the whole devil thing.

Was he actually telling the younger kids he was calling the devil to report the sticky note kid? 

 
jhib said:
Mr. Ected said:
My thought is why was your son punished when he was protecting the other kids. He was responding to the issue, in defense of the other kids.
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I just realized I may have interpreted the description of the incident in a completely wrong way. I thought the kid writing the death notes got the younger kids all scared and then little Caesar joined in by trying to scare them more with the whole devil thing.

Was he actually telling the younger kids he was calling the devil to report the sticky note kid? 
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Dunno, I guess Ceasar would have to say.

 
Zerp said:
3/4 of shady's reply was "Seriously? WTF cares? Really?'. My reply is "the OP cares". Both of you have been on this board long enough to know people ask for advice all the time. 
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I read his post as "wtf cares about calling the devil on their cell". I'm with him on this one. 

Honestly not seeing the harm here, regardless of whether little kids cried. If I had to guess why they cried, it's because the first kid said they were all going to die. If that didn't make them cry but this did... That's the teachable/discussable moment.

But there are a bunch of you saying this is wrong, so I'll listen- why? What exactly was wrong about this?

 
Dan Lambskin said:
One of my sons friends has some GPS watch where he can call like 4 numbers and get texts .  I think it’s Verizon only though so we haven’t got one
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We had a phone version of this.   Couldn't send my kid funny animal pics that I found on reddit so it was never used.   

 
Kind of like "Bloody Mary" back in the day.  You could say it twice and some kids would start crapping themselves.  

 
Caesar said:
Hi all.  Looking for any advice or maybe some experiences that have worked for others if they have ever been in a similar situation.

Yesterday, a little boy on my son's bus started writing on sticky notes that kids were going to die at midnight.  This was scaring some of the younger kids, and my son did something stupid.  He took out is cell phone and told them that he was calling the devil, the number is 666. 

When the school called me today, I was floored.  This is extremely out of character for him (I know, the idiot parent is always shocked when their kid acts like a little jerk).  He has always been great with other kids, younger and older.  He loves having friends, and I have never seen him be mean to anyone. 

I, and the principal agreed, believe that he thought it was a joke and was just teasing.  I don't think he knows how serious something like that would be taken, and more than a few parents called the school to complain.  I feel so bad for those parents and kids right now, and I am really pissed.  I will not be able to be home when my son gets home, and for that I am grateful in some ways because I really need to think this through.

The school has suspended him from the bus for three days next week.  He can go to school, but we will have to drive him. 

My thoughts on his punishment, after we talk to him about it, are as follows:

1.  Take away all electronics for a week.  No video games or ipad or TV.  

2.  He will use his own money to buy a pack of cards and write an apology letter to every kid that he scared and give it to them when he is allowed to ride the bus again.

3.  He has a "extravaganza" at school tomorrow.  We alreayd bought tickets.  Its games and food and fun.  I do not think we are going now.  (I have even considered going and standing outside and making him give our tickets to people who are going in)

4.  I am looking for a book for him to read about being nice to others.  It will be learning experience and give him something to do other than video games, videos, etc.

I don't know if that is too harsh, but I really want him to understand how serious this is, and especially in today's world how things like this can be construed.  Any other suggenstions or thoughts are appreciated.
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So, he’s in “trouble” for dialing 666?

what the hell is this world coming to?

 
El Floppo said:
But there are a bunch of you saying this is wrong, so I'll listen- why? What exactly was wrong about this?
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Im looking at it from the POV of the school, and since kids lives were threatened (by a 9 year old with sticky notes) they had to do something.  OPs kid got caught up in the threats and the exact words he used don't matter that much to me (or the school apparently).  Seems the 3 day suspension from the bus is about right.

 
Steeler said:
El Floppo said:
But there are a bunch of you saying this is wrong, so I'll listen- why? What exactly was wrong about this?
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Im looking at it from the POV of the school, and since kids lives were threatened (by a 9 year old with sticky notes) they had to do something.  OPs kid got caught up in the threats and the exact words he used don't matter that much to me (or the school apparently).  Seems the 3 day suspension from the bus is about right.
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Still not getting what was wrong here.  The first kid, sure, but dialing the devil?  Other than a "don't do that again", I can't see that anything else is called for.

 
I don't see what the big deal is.  Maybe I am not understanding the context.  Did you ask your son what he was trying to convey?

 
Mrs. Rannous said:
Still not getting what was wrong here.  The first kid, sure, but dialing the devil?  Other than a "don't do that again", I can't see that anything else is called for.
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You are separating the behavior of the first kid and the second kid, but the school grouped their behavior in the context of the threats.  The wrong doing was threatening kids.  

 
Steeler said:
You are separating the behavior of the first kid and the second kid, but the school grouped their behavior in the context of the threats.  The wrong doing was threatening kids.  
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Yeah, I got that was the point you were making. I still think it's wrong for the school or anybody else to associate the devil call with the threatening stickies.

 
doowain said:
Same! 

Deck....or.....ummm....NTTAWWT
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I was just looking through the deck thread again the other day and saw the pictures of your deck.  Very nice.  Was trying to figure out who the developer was for your neighborhood, but houses were a little too far for me to tell at the time.  

Sometimes if you don't focus on the surroundings, it really does make your deck look bigger.

 
We sat him down and talked to him.  He told us he said no at first and another kid grabbed the phone out of his backpack and that is when he did it. 

It was a good chance to talk about peer pressure and how he knew it was wrong to do it, and how hard it is to say no to something with friends.  He was very sorry and I just told him to apologize to the little kids when he saw them again.

I didn't punish him any further and considered it "time served".  

I probably overreacted a bit being the first time getting  a call from the school about something, but I don't think him not playing games or watching videos for one night is going to scar him for life.

I think either the parents or the school made it sound a lot worse than it was.  So, a lesson learned for him and a lesson learned for me as a parent.

Thanks again to all for the advice, jokes, and general thoughts.

 
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