I don't want to hijack but this is an interesting comment. There are definitely games (more so basketball, football -even flag, and hockey) that get more physical than they really should. I am not talking about one kid going psycho but some games just are more physical than others. What combination should it be for the coaches and officials to direct the game back on track? I feel if it comes from the official it is a more civil process to get it back under control. If the coaches try to do it, it seems that could then lead to a more heated discussion or even direction of their team to continue the physical play or even become more physical.
In general, I instruct my boys to play (flag football, basketball, and soccer) as physical as the other team is playing them.
I hear you, but here's my opinion.
Yes, there are times when things can get overly physical b/c the ref may have given them tot much of a leash or refused to call something and not others. Every game is a case by case situation, I get that. My point was that the coaches should know their kids, they should know when a kid is getting agitated or might be brewing something. Its on the coaches to manage their bench and communicate with their kid and talk him down from doing something stupid or with injury potential that will hurt the team. I coach too, and if I witness a kid on my team do something stupid, i'll sit him a shift, or counsel him on the bench. But I've seen coaches putting kids out there against another line knowing that it will spark something.
Its hard for it to come directly from the official. We can only call the game as it is in front of us. Yes, there are times I tell my partners and the coaches that I see situations starting to boil, like the hits getting too high or a lot more stick work, and that i'm going to have to call it tighter if it keeps up. But I also live by the rule that if you don't call it in the first period, then its tough to call it in the 3rd. But if absolutely needed, I have no problem tightening the game and handing out penalties like candy...I don't want to, but if the players can't control themselves I will.
Consistency and communication is the key. Plus as I said, if a kid comes off the bench strictly to level another kid, I can't get between them (In most cases), I just need to deal with the fallout and call the appropriate penalty.
Communication solves many problems, but 99% of the time, the parents don't know what is being said to players of coaches. If I see a kid doing something behind the play and I skate up to him and give him a warning during play, most parents won't see that. But then he does it again and I call it, now in the parents eyes i'm a bum, biased, crappy ref, etc. Accountability falls on the player and coaches to play the game correctly, obey the rules and keep sportsmanship in mind. Sadly that is lost on a lot of players, coaches and parents now.
Edit to add: that there are also times, where physical can be clean and within the rules. However, one kid thinks that a hit was dirty and thinks he can take matters into his own hands instead of abiding by the refs non-call. Thats where people claim the "ref lost the game" yet it was the player who lost his cool. If I deem it a clean hit, but you feel otherwise, there are civil ways of dealing with it—talk to me, or have your coach have a discussion with me—but deciding its within your rights to 'get back at him' is out of my control and is what causes 99% of the problem in hockey. Look at today's NHL, you can rarely have a stoppage of play or a clean hit without it ending in a gathering of players face-washing each other—even on a clean hit.
