The Downward Spiral
I wasn’t looking forward to staring into the circle of light of my headlamp for several hours, so I stalled on turning it on as long as I could. But as I hit the peak of the short climb out of Lookout Mountain and began the descent, I had to pull it back out of my pack and turn it on. I hit the bottom of the hill at Dowell’s Draft at mile 80, and my final access to a drop bag. My feet had gone from a few hot spots to a few blisters starting to form between toes, on the side of my heels, and on the outside “ball” of my left foot below the little toe. In retrospect I should have spent a little more time here addressing these, taping them, popping a few, but I think at the time I was just happy to clean and lube them up and get a pair of dry socks on. I also decided to switch shoes here, going from the Hoka Torrents I’d been running in from the start to a pair of Altra Olympus, the model I’d worn for most of Western States and for those 52 miles of Angeles Crest. The Altras have more cushion, which I thought might help with my destroyed feet, and with more room in the toe box I thought the change in where the shoe was rubbing might give some of my problem spots a break. As I got up to limp out of the aid station I was so hungry, but with the final two big climbs coming I just drank a couple of extra cups of broth and Coke and headed back into the night with a pack filled with Tailwind and gels. Damn those quesadillas looked good….
Going in I expected these next 10-12 miles to be a huge key - back-to-back 1500’-1600’ climbs with a short descent in between. As I began heading up I passed several groups of runners, some with pacers, some just running together. I felt encouraged to be moving better than those around me, and after about 20-30 minutes I found myself alone. The trail narrowed and got rockier, and it was those flat, sliding rocks again which while tricky from miles 10-20 the day before now just seemed downright treacherous. I just kept thinking, “grind it out, grind it out,” while pushing off on the trekking poles which I hadn’t put away since the steep descent back at mile 58. My left thumb had started to go numb, as the strap of the pole pushing into the soft flesh between the thumb and finger apparently irritated a nerve. And the climb just kept going on and on, slowly working our way up Crawford Mountain.
Every once in a while I would catch my toe, or a rock would slide under my foot. On occasion one would fall off the side of the 1-2’ wide trail, and I’d hear it tumble down into the darkness below. Was the drop off 50, 100, 1000 feet? I had no idea, and it really didn’t matter. I was by myself in the middle of the night in middle of nowhere Virginia, and I’d been awake for going on 40 hours and moving on this damned trail for 28 of them. I really started doubting myself and why I was doing this, and at one point said out loud, “What are you doing out here? You have a kid!” I had no choice but to keep grinding away, reaching the top and then moving down the other side – there were no roads or other ways out other than forward.
I started the final climb at mile 87, and the pain in my feet was getting unbearable. I realized I had been leaning slightly to the left, into the hill and away from the drop off (Subconsciously? Consciously? What was the difference at this point?), so the blister on the outside ball of my left foot was killing me. And the roomier Altras had turned out to be a poor choice on this uneven terrain as my feet just slid around, slamming back and forth into the sides of the shoes. After 2 ½ hours or so of being alone, I thought I saw a light up ahead of me finally. But it wasn’t moving, and it would disappear or fade, so I figured I was imagining that as well. But as I got up close I found it was the one other runner from Northern California that was out here, leaning against a tree throwing up. I asked if he needed anything, then kept on going, alone again.
After a few minutes I caught up to a group of 4-5 runners moving together up the trail. Finally, some company! It wasn’t that I wanted to talk or anything, I just hadn’t felt very safe being out there by myself on that trail. So I happily fell into the little conga line as we made the final push up Great North Mountain. My mental state started to turn around a little, as for the first time I allowed myself to think about the finish of this beast. I remembered from nearly 32 hours earlier that the trail would eventually dump us out onto a steep fire road, although a runner near me said he didn’t think so. I started questioning myself but sure enough, right around mile 91 we hit that fire road. I took off down that thing, leaving everyone I’d been with behind. Of course I look at my splits now, and it was 22

x for the next two miles! But at this point, that felt like I was moving.