I watched
Gwendoline (actually, "Gwendoline: Unrated Director's Cut (A.K.A. The Perils Of Gwendoline In The Land Of The Yik Yak") this weekend. I'd give it
¶¶ out of
¶¶¶¶¶.
The reason for the
¶¶ is almost entirely due to a 23 year old Tawny Kitaen's propensity for getting topless during the film (and her sidekick, Zabou, isn't too shabby either). Throw in the fact that Gwendoline is from the genius that brought you Emanuelle and Lady Chatterly's Lover, and the historical value of this film is off the charts (I mean, c'mon, its Tawny Kitaen - Whitesnake's video vixen, and Tom Hanks' Bachelor party bride to be).
Featuring some of the worst special effects ever committed to film (there's a "crocodile" that is worse than anything you've ever seen, including those featured at jungle-themed miniature golf courses) as well as what seems to be actors speaking multiple languages (and subsequently dubbed).
Even if you've never watched this movie, you probably remember seeing the VHS case for it sitting there collecting dust on video store shelves years ago. That's back when it was known as The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik Yak. Yes, a title that uses "the" three times.
I too used to walk past that old VHS rental tape back in the day. The video promised Indiana Jones-style adventure combined with sexy girls, but I never did get around to renting it, opting instead for, you know, good movies. And yet, I have to admit, the pop culture-obsessed geek part of me always did want to see the movie for curiosity's sake, to witness for myself whether it lived up to the sexy promise of the packaging.
Well, my day has come. The movie has now arrived on DVD with a new unrated director's cut, with its title shortened (re-shortened?) to Gwendoline. The packaging now promises a lot more sex and debauchery than it ever did, replacing the old Drew Struzan-inspired cover art with a stark shot of star Tawny Kitaen (Witchboard, Hercules: The Legendary Journeys) wearing nothing but a pair of handcuffs and some tiny underpants.