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RIP Wikkidpissah (1 Viewer)

msudaisy26 said:
So I have reread this thread a couple times this weekend hoping I would be able to put it in perspective and maybe post something enlightening. Then I took today off to celebrate the 4th with friends and family and it came to me. 

Tonight as I sat with my friends and family I watched my daughter running around playing with new friends and watching fireworks and I leaned in and hugged my husband and thanked him for setting it all up and I told him " This was a great day and one we would remember forever.". He looked back at me and said " I hope not. I hope we have so many more memories together that this one pales in comparison and never crosses your mind again". I looked at him and just started crying, not just because it was so sweet, but it made me think of Wikka and how I believe he would have looked at the situation the same way. It made me think about how much he affected our lives even for someone like me who never met him. 

I guess I am trying to say thanks to Dale. I wish I would have understood the affect you had before you left us. 
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What a GREAT tribute.  Thanks for sharing with us. 

 
Pip's Invitation said:
Or Kenny Loggins. He once said that if he had one wish, it would either be to sing like Loggins or get with 1950s Grace Kelly.
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I hadn't seen that before, very wikkid. I mentioned Robert Palmer because he'd mentioned he'd actually spent time with Robert Palmer, who gave wikkid some singing tips.

Wikkid on Robert Palmer, part 1, part 2, part 3.

 
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Well ####, I go on a small vacation and come back to this. Awful loss. I really loved discussing movies with him, he always had interesting thoughts and the best stories. It’s a shame that our last convo was about a movie he clearly hated. 

 
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The fact that we're already at 6 pages says an awful lot about how much impact Wikkid had here.

As an aside, it also makes me wonder sadly how many folks we've lost here without us even knowing about it - often we just assume that they just left the board for other reasons, but in reality, they just may not have had external contact beyond the forums here (similar to me) and no one knew to provide an update. 

 
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McBokonon said:
Does anyone communicate with @otb_liferoffline? My guess is he got suspended based on the Netflix thread. I think he’d like to know if he doesn’t yet, unless @FBG Moderator wants to grant clemency.
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I have no idea what happened in the Netflix thread. Oh man. I've talked with him a few times offline, but I don't have contact information. It's really up to the moderators, I guess, if that's the case. I'm sure he'd want to know. Or he does know and can't comment. Sad either way. 

 
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Leroy Hoard said:
OTB last posted  Wednesday at 04:16 PM.
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I sent him a message here on Friday with my condolences and just looked to see if he’d read it, which he hasn’t.  So I suspect you guys are right about the suspension.  Unfortunately I don’t have his IRL contact info, either.

 
PM Received June 26, 2022 from Wikkidpissah.

Subject:  grief

hey,

read your post on GMTAN and thought i'd offer you a bridge to some perspective while you suffer thru trying to begin a therapeutic relationship in the summertime.

i counsel/coach about 40 people (a couple dozen FFAers over the yrs) online, simply because its one of the only ways i've been able to feel a contributing member of society during these years of raising my parents to their graves. free & confidential (i'm writing an Owner's Manual for the Human Personality and, while all my work colors my contributions to it, i cite no cases), largely oriented on helping people understand the animal mechanisms & hormonal constructs triggered by human difficulties, which make all foibles seem more urgent, intimate & imprisoning than they actually are. the brain is so complex that it must form patterns to be usable and a lot of people think they are sick when they are merely stuck in a groove of their patterning.

nothing ventured, nothing gained, so i thought i'd offer. no offense if youre not interested. the sudden loss of your friend, who may or may not represent a kindred life to your own, has unhinged you. time to hook back up is all, and i can help explain how. all the best -
Click to expand...


My reply:  Thanks Dale.  I need some help.  For sure.  This message means a whole hell of a lot to me.  Maybe we can set aside some time to talk this week? 

His reply:

 

we could certainly talk for real, if that's where your need is or we could work it out on the page, thru PM or email, my general way of going.

that we could approach several ways - we could set a time to PM back & forth (i am a luddite and dont know how to do it in a more sophisticated way), you could simply write down what your present feelings are and the danger you feel from them, then i'll send you an evaluative & sympathetic response along with my standard questionnaire (simple & easy, of my own devising) and we can subsequently set up the way we'll communicate in working it all thru, or you can tell me what's wrong in the context of filling out the questionnaire.

the questionnaire exists because most emotional problems among adults are not failures but leaks. i need to know how you leak, how reactive/proactive your original structure is and how much youthful fear/denial/ignorance is a part of that structure. a dozen questions, hour or two maybe, no gut-spilling required. i could send it now or whenever you want.

i care deeply about what i do in this realm and am taking care of my 96yo father, so would basically be at your beck & call for as little or long as you need. holla -

ETA: if you just need to talk to someone with the interest and capacity to help you resolve your current trouble, we can do that, too (arrange a phone time). i'm not selling anything - merely trying to help someone with a similar appetite for life who's been suckerpunched by the life process.
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I posted this because even though I know the people posting in here knew what kind of person Dale was, perhaps others never saw this side.  Between the legendary story-telling, brilliant basketball brain, fabulous foodie and musical mastermind resided a man who just simply cared about others with a level of compassion not widely seen or displayed.  

Dale saw a person - a person he NEVER MET - struggling and reached out to him.  Threw him a lifeline and a path to share the emotional pain and struggles that were weighing him down.  In another post, I'm going to share the questionnaire he sent to me.  If @geewill or any of you think this is a betrayal of Dale's privacy, I won't do it, but I think it's something all of us could appreciate.  I spent a couple of hours filling it out.  It helped me get some feelings off my chest and I felt better after I hit "Send".  

The detailed reply I got from Dale has been read and will be re-read a million times, so long as I am breathing.  I don't have the words to convey how much better I felt after reading his email back to me.  The overwhelming grief that I felt for weeks seemed to vanish in an instant.  I would have paid handsomely for a 'professional therapist' to make that go away.  I would have taken any drug out there to alleviate the anguish I felt.  Dale's emails and interactions with me last week extinguished the agony and he didn't want anything in return.  Though I don't think that's entirely true.

He didn't say it, but I know what he would say if I pushed the issue of compensation for his time - "GM, go out and help somebody else.  Find somebody else 'unhinged' or hurting and try to make them feel better".  I will, Dale.  I promise.  

 

 
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krista4 said:
I sent him a message here on Friday with my condolences and just looked to see if he’d read it, which he hasn’t.  So I suspect you guys are right about the suspension.  Unfortunately I don’t have his IRL contact info, either.
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Yes, the mod gave him a don't so he might not be back soon.

 
General Malaise said:
PM Received June 26, 2022 from Wikkidpissah.

Subject:  grief

My reply:  Thanks Dale.  I need some help.  For sure.  This message means a whole hell of a lot to me.  Maybe we can set aside some time to talk this week? 

His reply:

 

I posted this because even though I know the people posting in here knew what kind of person Dale was, perhaps others never saw this side.  Between the legendary story-telling, brilliant basketball brain, fabulous foodie and musical mastermind resided a man who just simply cared about others with a level of compassion not widely seen or displayed.  

Dale saw a person - a person he NEVER MET - struggling and reached out to him.  Threw him a lifeline and a path to share the emotional pain and struggles that were weighing him down.  In another post, I'm going to share the questionnaire he sent to me.  If @geewill or any of you think this is a betrayal of Dale's privacy, I won't do it, but I think it's something all of us could appreciate.  I spent a couple of hours filling it out.  It helped me get some feelings off my chest and I felt better after I hit "Send".  

The detailed reply I got from Dale has been read and will be re-read a million times, so long as I am breathing.  I don't have the words to convey how much better I felt after reading his email back to me.  The overwhelming grief that I felt for weeks seemed to vanish in an instant.  I would have paid handsomely for a 'professional therapist' to make that go away.  I would have taken any drug out there to alleviate the anguish I felt.  Dale's emails and interactions with me last week extinguished the agony and he didn't want anything in return.  Though I don't think that's not entirely true.

He didn't say it, but I know what he would say if pushed the issue of compensation for his time - "GM, go out and help somebody else.  Find somebody else 'unhinged' or hurting and try to make them feel better".  I will, Dale.  I promise.  

 
Click to expand...


He would want you to share it.  I can't tell you how many times we discussed that he found his mission in the last 25 years, and that it was to help people and spread the gospel of what he'd figured out to try to allow others to do so.   One time I helped him with something (very rarely did this happen, because we were both desperate to help each other but too proud/stubborn to accept help ourselves), and his response was that he was going to go help five other people in honor of that.  He also very deeply wanted his thoughts and his words to live on after he was gone.  He would want you to share it.

 
krista4 said:
He would want you to share it.  I can't tell you how many times we discussed that he found his mission in the last 25 years, and that it was to help people and spread the gospel of what he'd figured out to try to allow others to do so.   One time I helped him with something (very rarely did this happen, because we were both desperate to help each other but too proud/stubborn to accept help ourselves), and his response was that he was going to go help five other people in honor of that.  He also very deeply wanted his thoughts and his words to live on after he was gone.  He would want you to share it.
Click to expand...


I will.  Thank you, friend.

 
Okay, below is the questionnaire that Dale emailed to me on Monday, June 27.  It was a really good exercise for me and helped me put my thoughts down to paper, so to speak.  I didn't hold back the way I probably would with a therapist I'd never met before.  Or even one that I was going to routinely.  I don't know why, but in past efforts with counseling, I held back.  Just never got a good trust vibe from the people I talked to.  In this instance, I let it all out - good and bad.  He's the only person who knows the Full Monty of Forrest.  Not even my wife knows some of the things I shared.....
 

I spent a *LOT* of time on questions 8, 9 and 11.

Forrest,

here's what i use to know how to approach you as a helper. take as much or as little time & space as you care to.

1. what part of the country do you live in? what part are you from?

2. if you would, give me some indication of the quality of your family life.

3. what's your general field of endeavour (sic), workwise? do you like that field? would you change it if you could start over again?

4. veteran?

5. substance abuse problems, previous or current?

6.  do you have other artistic talents? committed hobbies? is there any art or hobby you would like to try that you haven't yet?

7. have you ever tried a relaxation technique or martial art?

8. besides family/love stuff, what is the thing - a painting, a song, a movie, an experience, a view of nature, whatever - that has moved you the most?

9. has there been any kind of incident in your life that you feel has scarred you forever? you don't have to tell me about it now if you don't want to, but i do need to know if there's been one.

10. if you don't mind, tell me what you can about your religious beliefs & habits.

11. what is happiness to you?

12.  how many psycho active medications are you on? do you take Ambien?

if you wanna just knock it out and we'll take it from there or if you wanna begin with a description of where you're at or some assessment of what the loss of your friend is doing to you, whatever. i dont have a style.

in most things, i go back to ancient philosopher Epictetus, who said 'We are not, cannot be, masters of what happens to us. We can be total masters of how we deal with what happens to us". i can help with that. til next

Dale

 
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Amidst the grief here, there's this feeling I've had visiting the forums here the last few days where it just feels like people coming together. It might just be in my head. It might just be me being a little more sensitive. I don't know. But just the tone of many posts, not even in this thread, is just warmer and kinder. I don't know if Dale's passing has anything to do with it, but I would like to think it does. I mean, a guy just posted a FF advice related thread here today and people actually answered him instead of asking about Gates. 

There's some really great people here. Here's my part to say thank you and that if there's anything I can try and help anyone with here, for whatever that is worth, please don't ever hesitate to ask.

 
rockaction said:
I have no idea what happened in the Netflix thread. 
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Specifically it was the Stranger Things thread. A mod called him out for a post that was not excellent to someone else, I presume that's what got him his vacation. 

 
I'm glad he found some happiness here because he brought a lot of it. 

I'm glad he helped people with their difficult times because he had enough of his own. 

I'm glad we got to meet him because there will never be another one quite like him.   

If I can live my life in a way that people will feel like this when I'm gone I'll have done something right. 

RIP GB

 
gianmarco said:
I mean, a guy just posted a FF advice related thread here today and people actually answered him instead of asking about Gates. 
Click to expand...


:lmao:   I needed this.  But I also think you're right and that it seems a little gentler here at the moment.

 
Raging weasel said:
Nothing I can say that hasn't already been said.  I always felt extra cool when he would like my pick in a music draft.

RIP to a FBG legend and master storyteller 
Click to expand...
:lol:    I liked part especially and laughed because I could relate.   We had some back and forths about my generation's movies and music so it always stuck out when he genuinely liked a movie or music selection of mine.   He was like the older brother I didn't have - bickering about stuff, but there is a small part of you that wanted his approval.  

 
I saw this post yesterday morning and I'm very glad I was working from home :cry:  

Death makes me emotional, not because I'm confronting my own mortality, but because it makes me reflect on how I'm living my life - maybe that's the same thing, or two sides of the same coin, or whatever.  I don't post a lot so I never had any interactions with Dale but I always enjoyed reading his stuff.  He was apparently a better person that writer, and that's saying a lot.  I  love the simplicity of "the give is the get" - hopefully I can implement that in my day to day so the next life-reflection shows improvement from where I am today.

RIP Dale.

 
Dammit. :sadbanana: I absolutely HATE to see this. One of the few posters whose posts I would always stop and read in any thread even if I was in a hurry. Articulate in a way only wikkid could be, but always with a sprinkle of humor and wit. 

It gives me the lumpy throat to think about him celebrating with his beloved (Mary I believe was her name IIRC?), but damn, we sure are gonna miss him here. 

 
This is horrible. I have not been around here for a few, due to being so busy with school. Dale might have saved my life. He absolutely improved my life. Through pms and emails he helped me with anxiety and horrible depression. I have all of our messages saved and I still go back to them when I am sinking. I loved talking to him about his mom who like myself was Catholic. His mom was saying rosaries for me. I really wanted to meet him in real life at some point. He is a good part of why I have returned to school. I feel devastated. I just read his last message to me and it has me :cry:  #### me this is not right or fair. 

 
General Malaise said:
Yeah, he reached out to me a week ago and offered his services as a therapist to help me with a recent loss and an overwhelming feeling of grief.  Free of charge, he counseled me over email and I was drafting one to him that required a LOT of personal info I have never disclosed to another.  

What a wonderful man.  I am crushed by this news. His off-line persona was WAY different than his online persona here.  

RIP Dale.  :(
Click to expand...
Same here, he reached out years ago. I took him up on it and it may have saved my life. 

 
ProstheticRGK said:
I imagine it gives the full measure of a human being when you can see the size of the hole that's left when you lose them. I didn't know wikkid half as well as I'd have liked, but the hole in me right now is is deep enough I can't hear a rock hit the bottom.

The thing I love in this thread is hearing that I am not alone- that he reached out and helped a lot of people here. He reached out to me through PMs when my Megan passed. He shared his simple, stoic wisdom with me, but more, he cared. He taught me to sit at the edge of that hole already in my life and sing and howl and weep and whistle into it until the storm passed. I credit him with keeping me from finding out what the end of a shotgun tastes like.

That's a helluva hole you left for a stranger, friend.
Click to expand...
You said it better than I. I wish he was here to give me some advice on how I am feeling about this. Best I can do is use what he gave me and move forward.

 
ProstheticRGK said:
I imagine it gives the full measure of a human being when you can see the size of the hole that's left when you lose them. I didn't know wikkid half as well as I'd have liked, but the hole in me right now is is deep enough I can't hear a rock hit the bottom.

The thing I love in this thread is hearing that I am not alone- that he reached out and helped a lot of people here. He reached out to me through PMs when my Megan passed. He shared his simple, stoic wisdom with me, but more, he cared. He taught me to sit at the edge of that hole already in my life and sing and howl and weep and whistle into it until the storm passed. I credit him with keeping me from finding out what the end of a shotgun tastes like.

That's a helluva hole you left for a stranger, friend.
Click to expand...
Wow, totally missed this.  Beautiful.

 
General Malaise said:
PM Received June 26, 2022 from Wikkidpissah.

Subject:  grief

My reply:  Thanks Dale.  I need some help.  For sure.  This message means a whole hell of a lot to me.  Maybe we can set aside some time to talk this week? 

His reply:

 

I posted this because even though I know the people posting in here knew what kind of person Dale was, perhaps others never saw this side.  Between the legendary story-telling, brilliant basketball brain, fabulous foodie and musical mastermind resided a man who just simply cared about others with a level of compassion not widely seen or displayed.  

Dale saw a person - a person he NEVER MET - struggling and reached out to him.  Threw him a lifeline and a path to share the emotional pain and struggles that were weighing him down.  In another post, I'm going to share the questionnaire he sent to me.  If @geewill or any of you think this is a betrayal of Dale's privacy, I won't do it, but I think it's something all of us could appreciate.  I spent a couple of hours filling it out.  It helped me get some feelings off my chest and I felt better after I hit "Send".  

The detailed reply I got from Dale has been read and will be re-read a million times, so long as I am breathing.  I don't have the words to convey how much better I felt after reading his email back to me.  The overwhelming grief that I felt for weeks seemed to vanish in an instant.  I would have paid handsomely for a 'professional therapist' to make that go away.  I would have taken any drug out there to alleviate the anguish I felt.  Dale's emails and interactions with me last week extinguished the agony and he didn't want anything in return.  Though I don't think that's entirely true.

He didn't say it, but I know what he would say if I pushed the issue of compensation for his time - "GM, go out and help somebody else.  Find somebody else 'unhinged' or hurting and try to make them feel better".  I will, Dale.  I promise.  

 
Click to expand...
This is very similar to my story. I have all of our communication saved and I frequently go back to it when I feel myself slipping. I suspect that will continue maybe forever. It is amazing how someone you have never met can have such an impact on our lives.

 
General Malaise said:
Okay, below is the questionnaire that Dale emailed to me on Monday, June 27.  It was a really good exercise for me and helped me put my thoughts down to paper, so to speak.  I didn't hold back the way I probably would with a therapist I'd never met before.  Or even one that I was going to routinely.  I don't know why, but in past efforts with counseling, I held back.  Just never got a good trust vibe from the people I talked to.  In this instance, I let it all out - good and bad.  He's the only person who knows the Full Monty of Forrest.  Not even my wife knows some of the things I shared.....
 

I spent a *LOT* of time on questions 8, 9 and 11.

Forrest,

here's what i use to know how to approach you as a helper. take as much or as little time & space as you care to.

1. what part of the country do you live in? what part are you from?

2. if you would, give me some indication of the quality of your family life.

3. what's your general field of endeavour (sic), workwise? do you like that field? would you change it if you could start over again?

4. veteran?

5. substance abuse problems, previous or current?

6.  do you have other artistic talents? committed hobbies? is there any art or hobby you would like to try that you haven't yet?

7. have you ever tried a relaxation technique or martial art?

8. besides family/love stuff, what is the thing - a painting, a song, a movie, an experience, a view of nature, whatever - that has moved you the most?

9. has there been any kind of incident in your life that you feel has scarred you forever? you don't have to tell me about it now if you don't want to, but i do need to know if there's been one.

10. if you don't mind, tell me what you can about your religious beliefs & habits.

11. what is happiness to you?

12.  how many psycho active medications are you on? do you take Ambien?

if you wanna just knock it out and we'll take it from there or if you wanna begin with a description of where you're at or some assessment of what the loss of your friend is doing to you, whatever. i dont have a style.

in most things, i go back to ancient philosopher Epictetus, who said 'We are not, cannot be, masters of what happens to us. We can be total masters of how we deal with what happens to us". i can help with that. til next

Dale
Click to expand...
It was years ago that he started helping me. I filled out a similar questionaire but what struck me was the research on me he had already done. He had gone through many of my past posts here and knew my history and how I was reacting. He told me about the psychology book he was writing as well. I would love to see that, even a rough draft. 

 
I live in an area of desert that wikkid loved. He had many of his adventures out here in the south west. He always seemed to like hearing about the desert and my hikes and my dog. I was at the Grand Canyon last week camping with my dog. That would have made him happy. 

I saw some mention in this thread about appreciating people prior to death I do agree with that sentiment. I am very happy to say that in my life, my friends who aren't many, know I love them and that I am thankful for them. I thanked wikkid and told him exactly what he meant to me. I am grateful for that.

 
Rough day thinking about this at work. Not horrible though as I was able to think about all I was taught by wikkid and more importantly I was able to put it to use.

I have been sort of laughing to myself as I have never gotten the saying right and, today I thought about it a lot. I vascilate between the give is in the got and the got is in the give. I have decided they both work. 

 
prosopis said:
Rough day thinking about this at work. Not horrible though as I was able to think about all I was taught by wikkid and more importantly I was able to put it to use.

I have been sort of laughing to myself as I have never gotten the saying right and, today I thought about it a lot. I vascilate between the give is in the got and the got is in the give. I have decided they both work. 
Click to expand...
it's the give is the get. it's in my profile pic. 🙂

 
At a loss for words.  I've been offline for awhile and came back to this news.  Like many others, Dale was helping me through depression issues for the last year.  I've spent time re-reading  his DMs and trying to follow his advice.  His last DM to me was to "stay tuned..."  

I don't know if I said it enough, but he definitely helped me through some tough times and I knew if I needed to talk to someone he had an ear to lend.  RIP friend.

 
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