Late to the party here, good luck. I always wish I could say something profound in these situations. I always want to offer the "if you need anything..." line, but then I wonder if that would look self serving. I mean how could I help? I am in Colorado and I assume you aren't asking for money. So does that read just as a look at me line? Do such offers matter?
Bit of a tangent, but my brother's first wife died of breast cancer at age 35. He had some very strong opinions on what he liked/didn't like when people would talk to him about the situation. He absolutely
hated "If you need anything, let me know" because he felt like it was ostensibly an offer to help, but really put the burden on him to come up with something. Other pet peeves: When people would make an (often strained) attempt to relate his situation to their own, or "I can't imagine what you're going through", since that put an emotional distance between them and him.
.
What he did like: Expressions of empathy: "Wow, that must be really hard," "I wanted to let you know I was thinking of you," etc.
Meanwhile, my sister-in-law hated all the martial metaphors about "bravely fighting" cancer. Did that mean that if she didn't survive, she wasn't brave or didn't fight hard enough? She preferred to think of it a "dance".
Anyway, I bring all this up not to tell people what they should or shouldn't say in these types of situations; these are just the opinions of two people, and others may feel differently. I think the key is, try to really listen to what they're saying, and whatever you say, make it about them and not you. If they're not religious, they may not want to hear that this is all part of God's plan; on the other hand, if they are, a sentiment like that may give them comfort.
One observation that my brother made that I think is broadly applicable is that a lot of the things people said were really about them dealing with their own discomfort rather than trying to allay his. Try not to be one of those people
