Teenagers - A support thread (1 Viewer)

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

Are the boys getting perms? I've been hearing about this at my kids school.

Yes and I know some other kids who have straightened their hair. I think they are all going to be pretty embarrassed by the stupid alpaca hairstyle when they get older but that’s part of growing up I think. We all likely had some questionable style choices as teens.

It's the whole point of being young... Stupid hair.

I decided to grow a mullet like Andre Agassi in 1988/89. That was a bad idea. Seeing pics from that time…….ugh. My kids just

I was total soccer mullet guy.



I was pretty sexy if I say so myself.

Y...ya......YOU......played.......soccer!?!?!?!


Not you Chief, say it isn't so!?!?!?!

As a matter of fact, I played in college. Got two years of fully paid school out of the deal.

Wish I was playing these days with all the opportunities available for soccer.

:gasp:

Agreed on the latter. EERYEE-BODY gettin

 

[El Floppo]

Are the boys getting perms? I've been hearing about this at my kids school.

Yes and I know some other kids who have straightened their hair. I think they are all going to be pretty embarrassed by the stupid alpaca hairstyle when they get older but that’s part of growing up I think. We all likely had some questionable style choices as teens.

It's the whole point of being young... Stupid hair.

I decided to grow a mullet like Andre Agassi in 1988/89. That was a bad idea. Seeing pics from that time…….ugh. My kids just

I was total soccer mullet guy.



I was pretty sexy if I say so myself.

Y...ya......YOU......played.......soccer!?!?!?!


Not you Chief, say it isn't so!?!?!?!

As a matter of fact, I played in college. Got two years of fully paid school out of the deal.

Wish I was playing these days with all the opportunities available for soccer.

:gasp:

Agreed on the latter. EERYEE-BODY gettin

Hey... I made a cool $45 per game after college, with scoring bonuses on top. Loaded.

 

[NewlyRetired]

Are the boys getting perms? I've been hearing about this at my kids school.

Yes and I know some other kids who have straightened their hair. I think they are all going to be pretty embarrassed by the stupid alpaca hairstyle when they get older but that’s part of growing up I think. We all likely had some questionable style choices as teens.

It's the whole point of being young... Stupid hair.

I decided to grow a mullet like Andre Agassi in 1988/89. That was a bad idea. Seeing pics from that time…….ugh. My kids just

I was total soccer mullet guy.



I was pretty sexy if I say so myself.

Y...ya......YOU......played.......soccer!?!?!?!


Not you Chief, say it isn't so!?!?!?!

As a matter of fact, I played in college. Got two years of fully paid school out of the deal.

Wish I was playing these days with all the opportunities available for soccer.

:gasp:

Agreed on the latter. EERYEE-BODY gettin

Hey... I made a cool $45 per game after college, with scoring bonuses on top. Loaded.

It must be unimaginable to look back at those times and consider that a 14 year old like Cavan Sullivan is already making $500k a year from the sport.

 

[snellman]

Are the boys getting perms? I've been hearing about this at my kids school.

Yes and I know some other kids who have straightened their hair. I think they are all going to be pretty embarrassed by the stupid alpaca hairstyle when they get older but that’s part of growing up I think. We all likely had some questionable style choices as teens.

It's the whole point of being young... Stupid hair.

I decided to grow a mullet like Andre Agassi in 1988/89. That was a bad idea. Seeing pics from that time…….ugh. My kids just

I'll one up you. I permed my mullet (just the back). My wife didn't know me then, so she looks at the picture and says "what the #### were you thinking? there is no way I would have dated you"

 

[Ilov80s]

It is tough how much this ebbs and flows. I literally posted on Dec 23rd about how good things were and then boom, Christmas Eve her 4 year old cat died. She literally birthed the cat from a stray outsider her mom's house. The cat had been acting strange, refusing to eat, drink for a few days and she had begged her aunt to take the cat tio see a vet but her aunt blew her off. I offered but she said it was her aunt's reponsibility because she lived with her and she was getting the money to take care of her. Unfortunately, her suspicions were right and when she came home Christmas Eve after working at the grocery store, her cat was dead. So she is pretty much locked in on hating her aunt and it's been really ugly. She stopped showing up to her job. She has been talking about not wanting to live anymore and hating life. It's been the worst 2-3 weeks in awhile.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

It is tough how much this ebbs and flows. I literally posted on Dec 23rd about how good things were and then boom, Christmas Eve her 4 year old cat died. She literally birthed the cat from a stray outsider her mom's house. The cat had been acting strange, refusing to eat, drink for a few days and she had begged her aunt to take the cat tio see a vet but her aunt blew her off. I offered but she said it was her aunt's reponsibility because she lived with her and she was getting the money to take care of her. Unfortunately, her suspicions were right and when she came home Christmas Eve after working at the grocery store, her cat was dead. So she is pretty much locked in on hating her aunt and it's been really ugly. She stopped showing up to her job. She has been talking about not wanting to live anymore and hating life. It's been the worst 2-3 weeks in awhile.

If you know a vet, ask for someplace that offers a pet grief support group.

Also, you need to call the suicide hotline (988) right away for help. This is above your paygrade.

 

[Ilov80s]

It is tough how much this ebbs and flows. I literally posted on Dec 23rd about how good things were and then boom, Christmas Eve her 4 year old cat died. She literally birthed the cat from a stray outsider her mom's house. The cat had been acting strange, refusing to eat, drink for a few days and she had begged her aunt to take the cat tio see a vet but her aunt blew her off. I offered but she said it was her aunt's reponsibility because she lived with her and she was getting the money to take care of her. Unfortunately, her suspicions were right and when she came home Christmas Eve after working at the grocery store, her cat was dead. So she is pretty much locked in on hating her aunt and it's been really ugly. She stopped showing up to her job. She has been talking about not wanting to live anymore and hating life. It's been the worst 2-3 weeks in awhile.

If you know a vet, ask for someplace that offers a pet grief support group.

Also, you need to call the suicide hotline (988) right away for help. This is above your paygrade.

She’s been evaluated but ruled not a threat every time I’ve tried to get some outside help. I’m.m currently talking with the 21st therapist in the last 3 months hoping they have an opening.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

It is tough how much this ebbs and flows. I literally posted on Dec 23rd about how good things were and then boom, Christmas Eve her 4 year old cat died. She literally birthed the cat from a stray outsider her mom's house. The cat had been acting strange, refusing to eat, drink for a few days and she had begged her aunt to take the cat tio see a vet but her aunt blew her off. I offered but she said it was her aunt's reponsibility because she lived with her and she was getting the money to take care of her. Unfortunately, her suspicions were right and when she came home Christmas Eve after working at the grocery store, her cat was dead. So she is pretty much locked in on hating her aunt and it's been really ugly. She stopped showing up to her job. She has been talking about not wanting to live anymore and hating life. It's been the worst 2-3 weeks in awhile.

If you know a vet, ask for someplace that offers a pet grief support group.

Also, you need to call the suicide hotline (988) right away for help. This is above your paygrade.

She’s been evaluated but ruled not a threat every time I’ve tried to get some outside help. I’m.m currently talking with the 21st therapist in the last 3 months hoping they have an opening.

That's why I suggested the pet group. It's just talking and support. Not threatening at all.

 

[Ilov80s]

It is tough how much this ebbs and flows. I literally posted on Dec 23rd about how good things were and then boom, Christmas Eve her 4 year old cat died. She literally birthed the cat from a stray outsider her mom's house. The cat had been acting strange, refusing to eat, drink for a few days and she had begged her aunt to take the cat tio see a vet but her aunt blew her off. I offered but she said it was her aunt's reponsibility because she lived with her and she was getting the money to take care of her. Unfortunately, her suspicions were right and when she came home Christmas Eve after working at the grocery store, her cat was dead. So she is pretty much locked in on hating her aunt and it's been really ugly. She stopped showing up to her job. She has been talking about not wanting to live anymore and hating life. It's been the worst 2-3 weeks in awhile.

If you know a vet, ask for someplace that offers a pet grief support group.

Also, you need to call the suicide hotline (988) right away for help. This is above your paygrade.

She’s been evaluated but ruled not a threat every time I’ve tried to get some outside help. I’m.m currently talking with the 21st therapist in the last 3 months hoping they have an opening.

That's why I suggested the pet group. It's just talking and support. Not threatening at all.

It is a good idea and something I’ll look at. Her cat obviously made her very sad but it just triggered all her other life long fears of abandonment and neglect and everything so she really needs therapy. But every person we contact doesn’t have an opening or only at times that don’t work or they say it sounds like they aren’t a good fit. We had one person who seemed perfect but kept canceling appointments and saying there was a problem getting her insurance approved for like a month so we finally gave up. I mean it took me 8 months this year also to get her aunt to sign her up so she even had health insurance in the first place. It’s not a total disaster, she’s still doing well in school and has plenty of good days where she’s happy. It’s just that there are a lot of bad days where she’s struggling to find any purpose or joy. It sucks and her family just is not equipped to handled this.

 

[Ilov80s]

Havent updated in awhile because things have mostly been unraveling. Currently in my 19th hour at the ER with her. Earliest she might be able to go home is tomorrow like 10 AM. She’s physically ok and I stopped anything from consequential from happening she’s not in a good place mentally/emotionally right now and it’s been traumatic. So yeah.

 

[Ilov80s]

36 hours in ER now but at least we have an answer and a placement for an inpatient facility. It’s kind of far and she had an another meltdown about it, had to be sedated but I guess this is the right thing to do. Though my experiences in my professional field, was that these inpatient things don’t seem to fix anything. But even if she can get some medication that could be a good step. She’s just so scared of being a lone there and her sense of abandonment and distrust of people is really being elevated obviously. Also there was some thing truly awful that happened at the hospital that I’m not ready to talk about yet but I am curious what people here think about what happened.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

Though my experiences in my professional field, was that these inpatient things don’t seem to fix anything

It did help my friend who had mental health issues. She got her medication stabilized and emerged much better off. Hope it helps here.

 

[Ilov80s]

Though my experiences in my professional field, was that these inpatient things don’t seem to fix anything

It did help my friend who had mental health issues. She got her medication stabilized and emerged much better off. Hope it helps here.

That’s comforting to know. I just wish she had even a little bit of willingness to accept help. We got her to a therapist in January. That lasted 7 sessions before the therapist said she won’t talk and recommended ending treatment with her. She was young and seemed cool. The 16 year old said she was nice and liked her, she just insisted she’s not going to talk to anyone else anything. And that she will be fine.

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

36 hours in ER now but at least we have an answer and a placement for an inpatient facility. It’s kind of far and she had an another meltdown about it, had to be sedated but I guess this is the right thing to do. Though my experiences in my professional field, was that these inpatient things don’t seem to fix anything. But even if she can get some medication that could be a good step. She’s just so scared of being a lone there and her sense of abandonment and distrust of people is really being elevated obviously. Also there was some thing truly awful that happened at the hospital that I’m not ready to talk about yet but I am curious what people here think about what happened.

I sympathize but I fear I won’t be much of a help. I’m very much a buck up, buttercup kinda guy. Im anti-meds and anti-therapy. I think both exacerbate the “issue”.

With that said, I honestly hope everything gets better and hope you both find peace.

 

[Ilov80s]

36 hours in ER now but at least we have an answer and a placement for an inpatient facility. It’s kind of far and she had an another meltdown about it, had to be sedated but I guess this is the right thing to do. Though my experiences in my professional field, was that these inpatient things don’t seem to fix anything. But even if she can get some medication that could be a good step. She’s just so scared of being a lone there and her sense of abandonment and distrust of people is really being elevated obviously. Also there was some thing truly awful that happened at the hospital that I’m not ready to talk about yet but I am curious what people here think about what happened.

I sympathize but I fear I won’t be much of a help. I’m very much a buck up, buttercup kinda guy. Im anti-meds and anti-therapy. I think both exacerbate the “issue”.

With that said, I honestly hope everything gets better and hope you both find peace.

She’s also been anti both of those and I found her drunk in an alley curled up in a ball holding a knife 11:00 on Saturday night so obviously something needs to change.

 

[El Floppo]

36 hours in ER now but at least we have an answer and a placement for an inpatient facility. It’s kind of far and she had an another meltdown about it, had to be sedated but I guess this is the right thing to do. Though my experiences in my professional field, was that these inpatient things don’t seem to fix anything. But even if she can get some medication that could be a good step. She’s just so scared of being a lone there and her sense of abandonment and distrust of people is really being elevated obviously. Also there was some thing truly awful that happened at the hospital that I’m not ready to talk about yet but I am curious what people here think about what happened.

I sympathize but I fear I won’t be much of a help. I’m very much a buck up, buttercup kinda guy. Im anti-meds and anti-therapy. I think both exacerbate the “issue”.

With that said, I honestly hope everything gets better and hope you both find peace.

She’s also been anti both of those and I found her drunk in an alley curled up in a ball holding a knife 11:00 on Saturday night so obviously something needs to change.

she's 16- she doesn't know enough to be anti-anything regarding health and mental health.

I'm a proponent of both, but A: she has to be willing to try (and why not try? not like what's happening now seems to be working so well, so what is there to lose?). and B: have somebody who's good (not a guarantee) AND who she can relate and listen to. The meds... that's if and only if both A and B are met and the professional recommends it (and I'd want a second opinion at least).

if addiction seems to be her thing- has she tried any programs or counseling for that? might be a physiological thing... or a combo of.

of our friends, there are a couple who are most adamantly against this kind of self-help and are also the ones who keep repeating the same big unahppy problems in their otherwise successful lives. but hey- it's their lives.

 

[Ilov80s]

36 hours in ER now but at least we have an answer and a placement for an inpatient facility. It’s kind of far and she had an another meltdown about it, had to be sedated but I guess this is the right thing to do. Though my experiences in my professional field, was that these inpatient things don’t seem to fix anything. But even if she can get some medication that could be a good step. She’s just so scared of being a lone there and her sense of abandonment and distrust of people is really being elevated obviously. Also there was some thing truly awful that happened at the hospital that I’m not ready to talk about yet but I am curious what people here think about what happened.

I sympathize but I fear I won’t be much of a help. I’m very much a buck up, buttercup kinda guy. Im anti-meds and anti-therapy. I think both exacerbate the “issue”.

With that said, I honestly hope everything gets better and hope you both find peace.

She’s also been anti both of those and I found her drunk in an alley curled up in a ball holding a knife 11:00 on Saturday night so obviously something needs to change.

she's 16- she doesn't know enough to be anti-anything regarding health and mental health.

I'm a proponent of both, but A: she has to be willing to try (and why not try? not like what's happening now seems to be working so well, so what is there to lose?). and B: have somebody who's good (not a guarantee) AND who she can relate and listen to. The meds... that's if and only if both A and B are met and the professional recommends it (and I'd want a second opinion at least).

if addiction seems to be her thing- has she tried any programs or counseling for that? might be a physiological thing... or a combo of.

of our friends, there are a couple who are most adamantly against this kind of self-help and are also the ones who keep repeating the same big unahppy problems in their otherwise successful lives. but hey- it's their lives.

Well I don’t think she being anti is an informed decision, it’s just the stance she takes and her actions follow that. She was given some medication 2 years ago and hardly took it and her guardian didn’t really monitor it so it just didn’t happen. It’s easy to say why not try but that line of thinking doesn’t work since she doesn’t think logically at the moment. Her answer is just let me go home and I’ll be fine. Or with her eating, let’s eat dinner and she will be like “oh I already ate yesterday” or “I’m not hungry today” and we have the same talks over and over about how often she needs to eat and how we need to eat when it’s time to eat, etc. She’s not operating from a place of logic on those issues so a logical approach hasn’t had any success. If she’s in a good mood and not feeling anxious, she will eat. If she’s feeling unhappy or anxious, she won’t. She’s not really having any success managing her emotions.

I think addiction is a big part of it but I think the abuse and neglect and potential mood disorder of some sort are the driving factors.

 

[Ilov80s]

I’m nervous, so many bad reviews of this place they are sending her. I called about visiting hours and they said they can’t tell us but it’s usually just on weekends. After the nurse said we could visit each day.

 

[Ilov80s]

So her aunt and I are looking at one of the toughest decisions of our lives tomorrow. Do we keep her at the inpatient facility start the process to pull her (which may take 72 hours)

Reasons in favor of keeping
- She definitely made a credible threat to attempt to kill herself and she has very deep and complex issues. She definitely needs professional mental health.

- Getting mental health help is so hard and who knows when or how long it takes to get some kind of credible outpatient going

Reasons we are thinking of pulling her
- in the last 10 years the owner of the for profit facility reached a very large settlement agreement of a lawsuit alleging widespread fraud and patient abuse

- after the settlement even a local station reported on a surge of cases of physical abuse

- one of the local counties no longer allows juveniles to be sent there due to the high number of accusations of sexual abuse

- they only allow 10 mins of family phone time a day, seems like you would want the family more involved

- they told us 3-7 days and then apparently the doctor told the kid today 10 days, a nurse who watched us all sobbing when we checked her in then laughed at some of our questions, the doctor basically said times up to the aunt today when she was explaining the eating disorder, he gave us very little time. They told us she would get out of hospital gown that she was very uncomfortable in right away. Turns out right away meant they had to launder it all first so it wasn’t until the next day.

- the biggest is she doesn’t buy in at all. She cried and begged and pleaded us not to abandon her when she needs us most when we were dropping off, spoke to her for the 10 mins today and she begged me to convince her aunt to sign her out, said she feels so uncomfortable and alone and like forcing her there is a violation of her trust, said it’s mostly unsupervised, staff aren’t involved

- the Reddit and Google reviews of the place are 99% like “whatever you do, don’t ever send your kid there”

I really don’t know what to do. Either way, if something happened I would never forgive myself. So what’s more likely she stays 10 days there in misery and comes out feeling like she’s learned how to be more healthy and sober? Or she spends those 10 days there and comes out more traumatized and resentful of the only people she has in her life who are trying to help her?

It’s so screwed up

 

[El Floppo]

Oh damn. Based on that, you need to pull her asap... But based on her recent behaviour, she needs professional help.

Dammit.. so sorry you're all in this, and am wishing for the very best for all of you- obviously and especially her.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

I'd pull her out. But you can call your local crisis hotline to get help now. If she has threatened self-harm, she needs it now.

Your gut says she needs out. Go with that.

 

[Ilov80s]

I’m just venting at this point and trying to work through everything that happened but my faith in mental health care is pretty much destroyed at this point. Experiences so far with her

- therapist number 1 briefly met her online and while the kid hated it, she did say she was nice and would see her. The therapist then rescheduled 3 straight weeks saying she was trying to make sure she could accept her Medicaid and was waiting for her boss to do something or other. Then it was another week because she has an emergency and then it was oh sorry I don’t know when I’ll be able to know if we take Medicaid.

- therapist number 2 did a few sessions, weren’t very fruitful but she said it was fully covered by insistence and then get the call that she was wrong and we actually own $900. Obviously we don’t pay because we had in writing from her that it was fully covered.

- therapist 3 she was actually fine but ended it saying she wouldn’t talk and there was no point

- the worst of all this weekend in the ER, fresh off considering killing herself and clearly in a shattered emotional state they tell her she has to take off all her clothes including bra and underwear to put on their gown. She says she was at a different hospital before and they let her keep her underwear and bra. She begged and pleaded and cried to keep them. We explained privately to the nurse that she’s a victim of repeated sexual abuse. Then just so fast before I even could know what happened, 3 nurses and 2 male security staff members go in her room, take me out and physically hold her down and cuff off all her clothes, bra and underwear and put her in the gown. I had to stand outside the room and hear her scream and cry and fight for what seemed like forever. I’ll never forgive myself for allowing that to happen. We should have just left. I don’t know it was all so stressful and she was being impossible as I begged her just to cooperate so she had some control of the situation. She’s going to have nightmares about that for years I’m sure. She even told me if I was really her dad I wouldn’t have let that happen. But mostly she just kept saying it wasn’t right what they did to her and why did they have to bring men in the room too. I’m just so truly heartbroken.

 

[Cowboysfan8]

Then just so fast before I even could know what happened, 3 nurses and 2 male security staff members go in her room, take me out and physically hold her down and cuff off all her clothes, bra and underwear and put her in the gown.

What in the ever loving **** is that all about?!?!

 

[Ilov80s]

Then just so fast before I even could know what happened, 3 nurses and 2 male security staff members go in her room, take me out and physically hold her down and cuff off all her clothes, bra and underwear and put her in the gown.

What in the ever loving **** is that all about?!?!

I know like should we hire a lawyer or is this just some BS ER is allowed to do? She was fighting and not letting them remove her clothes but did this really have to happen like this? It was so awful and I can’t believe I just let it happen. I really can’t.

 

[FarFromHome]

Such a tough read buddy. Id love to articulate this wonderful and comforting response in support, but it's just a tough spot to be in. What a massive decision your family has. I cant imagine being in the position your in. I'm just hoping this is one of those moments in life where you look back on and think that was rough but we made it through. Prayers buddy.

 

[Chadstroma]

36 hours in ER now but at least we have an answer and a placement for an inpatient facility. It’s kind of far and she had an another meltdown about it, had to be sedated but I guess this is the right thing to do. Though my experiences in my professional field, was that these inpatient things don’t seem to fix anything. But even if she can get some medication that could be a good step. She’s just so scared of being a lone there and her sense of abandonment and distrust of people is really being elevated obviously. Also there was some thing truly awful that happened at the hospital that I’m not ready to talk about yet but I am curious what people here think about what happened.

I sympathize but I fear I won’t be much of a help. I’m very much a buck up, buttercup kinda guy. Im anti-meds and anti-therapy. I think both exacerbate the “issue”.

With that said, I honestly hope everything gets better and hope you both find peace.

She’s also been anti both of those and I found her drunk in an alley curled up in a ball holding a knife 11:00 on Saturday night so obviously something needs to change.

She isn't anti medication... she is self medicating with alcohol. She just doesn't see that.

Hoping for a turnaround for her.

 

[Ilov80s]

36 hours in ER now but at least we have an answer and a placement for an inpatient facility. It’s kind of far and she had an another meltdown about it, had to be sedated but I guess this is the right thing to do. Though my experiences in my professional field, was that these inpatient things don’t seem to fix anything. But even if she can get some medication that could be a good step. She’s just so scared of being a lone there and her sense of abandonment and distrust of people is really being elevated obviously. Also there was some thing truly awful that happened at the hospital that I’m not ready to talk about yet but I am curious what people here think about what happened.

I sympathize but I fear I won’t be much of a help. I’m very much a buck up, buttercup kinda guy. Im anti-meds and anti-therapy. I think both exacerbate the “issue”.

With that said, I honestly hope everything gets better and hope you both find peace.

She’s also been anti both of those and I found her drunk in an alley curled up in a ball holding a knife 11:00 on Saturday night so obviously something needs to change.

She isn't anti medication... she is self medicating with alcohol. She just doesn't see that.

Hoping for a turnaround for her.

Exactly what I said!

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

Carolyn Hax of the Washington Post offers these resources:

If you are in a crisis

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988

---

How to find a therapist

(Always exercise due diligence in selecting caregivers.)

Follow Advice
Follow

• Ask your primary care physician to refer you to someone.
• Call your health insurance carrier or visit it online to get a list of in-network providers.
• See whether your employer offers an Employee Assistance Program.
• Use Open Path Collective, a national nonprofit network of therapists providing sessions at reduced rates.
• Search the listings on Psychology Today.
• If you or family members have a school affiliation, ask whether its counseling service is available to you or maintains a list of recommended providers of mental health care.
• Inquire at your religious organization, if appropriate — many faith leaders have counseling credentials.
• Contact a local college or university that confers degrees in counseling fields; many have clinics to train their students.
• If you have a specific difficulty, such as grief, addiction, a major illness in the family, debt, etc., there may be a topic-specific support group. SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357) (also known as the Treatment Referral Routing Service), or TTY: 1-800-487-4889, is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year information service in English and Spanish for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups and community-based organizations.

---

Abuse
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
MOSAIC Threat Assessment Systems
One Love Foundation

---

Mental illness
National Alliance on Mental Illness: The NAMI HelpLine, available Monday through Friday from 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. Eastern time: 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or info@nami.org.

---

Substance abuse
National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration

ADVERTISING

Alcoholics Anonymous
Al-Anon Family Groups
Adult Children of Alcoholics/ Dysfunctional Families
SMART Recovery
Women for Sobriety
The National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence Inc. (NCADD)
A self-paced course with alcohol and drug information from Veterans Affairs

---

Child abuse
Childhelp: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (422-4453)

---

LGBTQ support
For young people, the Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386
For families, PFLAG
For all, It Gets Better Project

Debt and gambling
National Foundation for Credit Counseling
National Council on Problem Gambling
Gamblers Anonymous

Debtors Anonymous

---

Parenting
Parent Encouragement Program
For managing screen time, healthychildren.org

---

Death of a child
Compassionate Friends
Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Inc.

---

Infertility
RESOLVE, the National Infertility Association

---

Eating disorders
The National Eating Disorders Association

Overeaters Anonymous

---

Suicide support
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

---

Legal help
USA.gov. Programs are offered at the state level as well, so check your state’s website or call the office of your state attorney general.

---

Death of a pet
Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement (APLB)

---

Support for caregivers
Caregiver Action Network
Family Caregiver Alliance
r/CaregiverSupport on Reddit
Find your local council on aging
Area nonprofit hospice organizations are often a good resource for caregiver support groups.

 

[Ilov80s]

I was definitely wanting to pull her. Her aunt (guardian) seemed to want to keep her so I adjusted my thinking to that this afternoon. Today was the only visitation hour of the week. Surprisingly after we met with her, the aunt wanted to pull her. So she signed the paperwork and now we wait 72 hours for the doctor to evaluate it and decide if he will agree or challenge it in court. I still have no idea what the right answer is. I called 4 different place to hopefully set-up outpatient therapy and medication management for whenever she does get out. She seemed better today but was clearly feeling the effects of some drugs because she wasn't quite her self. She was calmer though and begging to get out. She also appeared to be breaking out in some kind of skin rash. She was ok relatively speaking. I don't wish this on anyone though.

 

[nirad3]

Good grief, it's going to be a LONG summer.

The 14-year-old daughter has been "flexing" her independence for about a year now, but adding transportation (read: e-bike) to the mix has really intensified things. I've already paid to fix flat tires TWICE on this thing ($80 a pop) and now one entire tire (and tube) have to be replaced. $100+ easy. And since she's been without it for about a week, I've been playing taxi cab to her and her friends... going to the beach, friends' houses, pick up friends, drop friends off... not to mention volleyball practice, which I know I'm on the hook for, but all the other stuff? Ugh. And it's not even summer yet!

Add to the mix my 12-year-old boy is now trying to "flex" HIS independence a bit. He wants a cell phone. He wants an e-bike now, too. My wife bought him a piece of crap bike for $30 at a thrift shop a couple of months ago, and I've already paid for a new tire ($40ish) and then another $100 for the OTHER tire, tube and to repair the front brake. I could have probably got him a new bike for $150. The wife made the purchase without consulting me. I would have inspected it and said no.

Not to mention, both of them are getting kinda sassy. I try and enforce rules, remind them about chores, etc., and I end up looking like the "jerk". I swear, it was easier when they were infants/toddlers. I don't think I'm cut out for this "parenting teens" thing. It's literally driving me a little insane.

 

[Cowboysfan8]

Good grief, it's going to be a LONG summer.

The 14-year-old daughter has been "flexing" her independence for about a year now, but adding transportation (read: e-bike) to the mix has really intensified things. I've already paid to fix flat tires TWICE on this thing ($80 a pop) and now one entire tire (and tube) have to be replaced. $100+ easy. And since she's been without it for about a week, I've been playing taxi cab to her and her friends... going to the beach, friends' houses, pick up friends, drop friends off... not to mention volleyball practice, which I know I'm on the hook for, but all the other stuff? Ugh. And it's not even summer yet!

Add to the mix my 12-year-old boy is now trying to "flex" HIS independence a bit. He wants a cell phone. He wants an e-bike now, too. My wife bought him a piece of crap bike for $30 at a thrift shop a couple of months ago, and I've already paid for a new tire ($40ish) and then another $100 for the OTHER tire, tube and to repair the front brake. I could have probably got him a new bike for $150. The wife made the purchase without consulting me. I would have inspected it and said no.

Not to mention, both of them are getting kinda sassy. I try and enforce rules, remind them about chores, etc., and I end up looking like the "jerk". I swear, it was easier when they were infants/toddlers. I don't think I'm cut out for this "parenting teens" thing. It's literally driving me a little insane.

Hang in there bud

So, why so many flat tires?

 

[nirad3]

Good grief, it's going to be a LONG summer.

The 14-year-old daughter has been "flexing" her independence for about a year now, but adding transportation (read: e-bike) to the mix has really intensified things. I've already paid to fix flat tires TWICE on this thing ($80 a pop) and now one entire tire (and tube) have to be replaced. $100+ easy. And since she's been without it for about a week, I've been playing taxi cab to her and her friends... going to the beach, friends' houses, pick up friends, drop friends off... not to mention volleyball practice, which I know I'm on the hook for, but all the other stuff? Ugh. And it's not even summer yet!

Add to the mix my 12-year-old boy is now trying to "flex" HIS independence a bit. He wants a cell phone. He wants an e-bike now, too. My wife bought him a piece of crap bike for $30 at a thrift shop a couple of months ago, and I've already paid for a new tire ($40ish) and then another $100 for the OTHER tire, tube and to repair the front brake. I could have probably got him a new bike for $150. The wife made the purchase without consulting me. I would have inspected it and said no.

Not to mention, both of them are getting kinda sassy. I try and enforce rules, remind them about chores, etc., and I end up looking like the "jerk". I swear, it was easier when they were infants/toddlers. I don't think I'm cut out for this "parenting teens" thing. It's literally driving me a little insane.

Hang in there bud

So, why so many flat tires?

Dunno. I rode my bike all over the place as a teenager, including a lot of offroad mountain biking, and I don't remember having to change tubes all that much. The rear tire on the daughter's e-bike has gone flat twice in about 4 months' time.

And then they get all bent out of shape when I ask them to contribute to the cost of fixing their bikes.

 

[Cowboysfan8]

Good grief, it's going to be a LONG summer.

The 14-year-old daughter has been "flexing" her independence for about a year now, but adding transportation (read: e-bike) to the mix has really intensified things. I've already paid to fix flat tires TWICE on this thing ($80 a pop) and now one entire tire (and tube) have to be replaced. $100+ easy. And since she's been without it for about a week, I've been playing taxi cab to her and her friends... going to the beach, friends' houses, pick up friends, drop friends off... not to mention volleyball practice, which I know I'm on the hook for, but all the other stuff? Ugh. And it's not even summer yet!

Add to the mix my 12-year-old boy is now trying to "flex" HIS independence a bit. He wants a cell phone. He wants an e-bike now, too. My wife bought him a piece of crap bike for $30 at a thrift shop a couple of months ago, and I've already paid for a new tire ($40ish) and then another $100 for the OTHER tire, tube and to repair the front brake. I could have probably got him a new bike for $150. The wife made the purchase without consulting me. I would have inspected it and said no.

Not to mention, both of them are getting kinda sassy. I try and enforce rules, remind them about chores, etc., and I end up looking like the "jerk". I swear, it was easier when they were infants/toddlers. I don't think I'm cut out for this "parenting teens" thing. It's literally driving me a little insane.

Hang in there bud

So, why so many flat tires?

Dunno. I rode my bike all over the place as a teenager, including a lot of offroad mountain biking, and I don't remember having to change tubes all that much. The rear tire on the daughter's e-bike has gone flat twice in about 4 months' time.

And then they get all bent out of shape when I ask them to contribute to the cost of fixing their bikes.

Yeah me too. That sucks

 

[Chadstroma]

Good grief, it's going to be a LONG summer.

The 14-year-old daughter has been "flexing" her independence for about a year now, but adding transportation (read: e-bike) to the mix has really intensified things. I've already paid to fix flat tires TWICE on this thing ($80 a pop) and now one entire tire (and tube) have to be replaced. $100+ easy. And since she's been without it for about a week, I've been playing taxi cab to her and her friends... going to the beach, friends' houses, pick up friends, drop friends off... not to mention volleyball practice, which I know I'm on the hook for, but all the other stuff? Ugh. And it's not even summer yet!

Add to the mix my 12-year-old boy is now trying to "flex" HIS independence a bit. He wants a cell phone. He wants an e-bike now, too. My wife bought him a piece of crap bike for $30 at a thrift shop a couple of months ago, and I've already paid for a new tire ($40ish) and then another $100 for the OTHER tire, tube and to repair the front brake. I could have probably got him a new bike for $150. The wife made the purchase without consulting me. I would have inspected it and said no.

Not to mention, both of them are getting kinda sassy. I try and enforce rules, remind them about chores, etc., and I end up looking like the "jerk". I swear, it was easier when they were infants/toddlers. I don't think I'm cut out for this "parenting teens" thing. It's literally driving me a little insane.

Hang in there bud

So, why so many flat tires?

Dunno. I rode my bike all over the place as a teenager, including a lot of offroad mountain biking, and I don't remember having to change tubes all that much. The rear tire on the daughter's e-bike has gone flat twice in about 4 months' time.

And then they get all bent out of shape when I ask them to contribute to the cost of fixing their bikes.

Ok... maybe I am not crazy then.... We have several bikes and the tires seem to go flat at a high frequency and the tires go bald super fast. I was somewhat gaslighting myself thinking "this tire isn't that old is it? Maybe it is, I guess." It just seems everything sucks now. I mean, they don't build them like they use to is so true. F China and their cheap crap. Go back to tarrifing the crap out of it all.

 

[El Floppo]

Good grief, it's going to be a LONG summer.

The 14-year-old daughter has been "flexing" her independence for about a year now, but adding transportation (read: e-bike) to the mix has really intensified things. I've already paid to fix flat tires TWICE on this thing ($80 a pop) and now one entire tire (and tube) have to be replaced. $100+ easy. And since she's been without it for about a week, I've been playing taxi cab to her and her friends... going to the beach, friends' houses, pick up friends, drop friends off... not to mention volleyball practice, which I know I'm on the hook for, but all the other stuff? Ugh. And it's not even summer yet!

Add to the mix my 12-year-old boy is now trying to "flex" HIS independence a bit. He wants a cell phone. He wants an e-bike now, too. My wife bought him a piece of crap bike for $30 at a thrift shop a couple of months ago, and I've already paid for a new tire ($40ish) and then another $100 for the OTHER tire, tube and to repair the front brake. I could have probably got him a new bike for $150. The wife made the purchase without consulting me. I would have inspected it and said no.

Not to mention, both of them are getting kinda sassy. I try and enforce rules, remind them about chores, etc., and I end up looking like the "jerk". I swear, it was easier when they were infants/toddlers. I don't think I'm cut out for this "parenting teens" thing. It's literally driving me a little insane.

Hang in there bud

So, why so many flat tires?

Dunno. I rode my bike all over the place as a teenager, including a lot of offroad mountain biking, and I don't remember having to change tubes all that much. The rear tire on the daughter's e-bike has gone flat twice in about 4 months' time.

And then they get all bent out of shape when I ask them to contribute to the cost of fixing their bikes.

Opportunity time... You want to ride your bike, you must learn to maintain and repair it (at least flats) yourself. Win win

Eta... I wasn't a big bike guy as a kid (lived on top of a big hill). But I sure as hell knew how to fix a flat.

 

[nirad3]

Good grief, it's going to be a LONG summer.

The 14-year-old daughter has been "flexing" her independence for about a year now, but adding transportation (read: e-bike) to the mix has really intensified things. I've already paid to fix flat tires TWICE on this thing ($80 a pop) and now one entire tire (and tube) have to be replaced. $100+ easy. And since she's been without it for about a week, I've been playing taxi cab to her and her friends... going to the beach, friends' houses, pick up friends, drop friends off... not to mention volleyball practice, which I know I'm on the hook for, but all the other stuff? Ugh. And it's not even summer yet!

Add to the mix my 12-year-old boy is now trying to "flex" HIS independence a bit. He wants a cell phone. He wants an e-bike now, too. My wife bought him a piece of crap bike for $30 at a thrift shop a couple of months ago, and I've already paid for a new tire ($40ish) and then another $100 for the OTHER tire, tube and to repair the front brake. I could have probably got him a new bike for $150. The wife made the purchase without consulting me. I would have inspected it and said no.

Not to mention, both of them are getting kinda sassy. I try and enforce rules, remind them about chores, etc., and I end up looking like the "jerk". I swear, it was easier when they were infants/toddlers. I don't think I'm cut out for this "parenting teens" thing. It's literally driving me a little insane.

Hang in there bud

So, why so many flat tires?

Dunno. I rode my bike all over the place as a teenager, including a lot of offroad mountain biking, and I don't remember having to change tubes all that much. The rear tire on the daughter's e-bike has gone flat twice in about 4 months' time.

And then they get all bent out of shape when I ask them to contribute to the cost of fixing their bikes.

Ok... maybe I am not crazy then.... We have several bikes and the tires seem to go flat at a high frequency and the tires go bald super fast. I was somewhat gaslighting myself thinking "this tire isn't that old is it? Maybe it is, I guess." It just seems everything sucks now. I mean, they don't build them like they use to is so true. F China and their cheap crap. Go back to tarrifing the crap out of it all.

Huh, interesting. I mean, my daughter HAS put some serious mileage on the e-bike since we got it for her in late February, but hell that is only 3 months of use and one of the tires is already balding?

Very well could be a "cheap crap from China" thing.

 

[nirad3]

Good grief, it's going to be a LONG summer.

The 14-year-old daughter has been "flexing" her independence for about a year now, but adding transportation (read: e-bike) to the mix has really intensified things. I've already paid to fix flat tires TWICE on this thing ($80 a pop) and now one entire tire (and tube) have to be replaced. $100+ easy. And since she's been without it for about a week, I've been playing taxi cab to her and her friends... going to the beach, friends' houses, pick up friends, drop friends off... not to mention volleyball practice, which I know I'm on the hook for, but all the other stuff? Ugh. And it's not even summer yet!

Add to the mix my 12-year-old boy is now trying to "flex" HIS independence a bit. He wants a cell phone. He wants an e-bike now, too. My wife bought him a piece of crap bike for $30 at a thrift shop a couple of months ago, and I've already paid for a new tire ($40ish) and then another $100 for the OTHER tire, tube and to repair the front brake. I could have probably got him a new bike for $150. The wife made the purchase without consulting me. I would have inspected it and said no.

Not to mention, both of them are getting kinda sassy. I try and enforce rules, remind them about chores, etc., and I end up looking like the "jerk". I swear, it was easier when they were infants/toddlers. I don't think I'm cut out for this "parenting teens" thing. It's literally driving me a little insane.

Hang in there bud

So, why so many flat tires?

Dunno. I rode my bike all over the place as a teenager, including a lot of offroad mountain biking, and I don't remember having to change tubes all that much. The rear tire on the daughter's e-bike has gone flat twice in about 4 months' time.

And then they get all bent out of shape when I ask them to contribute to the cost of fixing their bikes.

Opportunity time... You want to ride your bike, you must learn to maintain and repair it (at least flats) yourself. Win win

Eta... I wasn't a big bike guy as a kid (lived on top of a big hill). But I sure as hell knew how to fix a flat.

Haha, I have tried showing my boy how to do simple things (like straightening the handlebars that seem to go askew every so often), but I guess I have little reason to talk since I prefer to have the "experts" do stuff like fixing brakes and replacing tubes in the tires. I am not that handy, admittedly, but I can do SOME things on a standard mountain bike. The e-bike? That thing's basically a motorcycle so I want no part of trying to F with it.

 

[Chadstroma]

Huh, interesting. I mean, my daughter HAS put some serious mileage on the e-bike since we got it for her in late February, but hell that is only 3 months of use and one of the tires is already balding?

Very well could be a "cheap crap from China" thing.

Growing up I would have tired for years with daily use of a lot of miles while being very rough on them. I mean, was there a time you would stop without skidding?

 

[Snoopy]

When growing up, I used a cheap patch kit (a piece of rubber and some strong glue affixed to the back of it) and fixed the flat tires myself.

 

[nirad3]

When growing up, I used a cheap patch kit (a piece of rubber and some strong glue affixed to the back of it) and fixed the flat tires myself.

I'm pretty sure that's what I did, too. But I would imagine these kits are now just as crappy as the tubes/tires themselves

 

[Manster]

When growing up, I used a cheap patch kit (a piece of rubber and some strong glue affixed to the back of it) and fixed the flat tires myself.

I just fixed a couple flats on our mountain bikes the other day with that kind of patch kit. One of the tubes literally has like 5 patches on it. Still holds air like a champ

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

And then they get all bent out of shape when I ask them to contribute to the cost of fixing their bikes.

Oh, well. The first time is on you. After that, it's their responsibilty. That's independence, baby!

 

[rockaction]

Oh my, @Ilov80s, I am so sorry. I don't know how this ends, but I really hope you find peace when it does.

This is not going to make you or her feel better, but they did the same thing to me in the ER once after a car wreck and an ambulance ride a long time ago. They just took these shears and cut my nice clothes into shreds. It was bizarre, and I thought they did it so that I didn't hurt my neck or back removing them, but there must be other reasons. I was not emotionally distraught or antagonistic in any way. They should really re-think that practice. I mean, what if I had moved the wrong way?

But that's probably the least of it. Thoughts go out to you, your wife, and the girl. Peace.

 

[Ilov80s]

Oh my, @Ilov80s, I am so sorry. I don't know how this ends, but I really hope you find peace when it does.

This is not going to make you or her feel better, but they did the same thing to me in the ER once after a car wreck and an ambulance ride a long time ago. They just took these shears and cut my nice clothes into shreds. It was bizarre, and I thought they did it so that I didn't hurt my neck or back removing them, but there must be other reasons. I was not emotionally distraught or antagonistic in any way. They should really re-think that practice. I mean, what if I had moved the wrong way?

But that's probably the least of it. Thoughts go out to you, your wife, and the girl. Peace.

I appreciate it. Things are a little better. Still some issues with drinking, she just can’t help herself right now. Her aunt just isn’t willing to lay down any kind of law to really keep her safe but I also get it she’s about to turn 17, not too much you can do. She doesn’t listen anyway. But the other part that sucks is dealing with basic mental health stuff and substance use has overtaken everything and while she’s doing fine in school and actually on track to graduate early next year, she has no job and no motivation to get one. No plans for after high school and is combative when any attempts are made to discuss anything like job training, community college, etc. Right now if she can stay sober and eat 2 small meals in a day that’s a win. That’s where we are at unfortunately.

 

[Max Power]

I have four teenagers in the house for summer. Meal time has turned into gossip central about kids I don't know. This is like sitting at a high school lunch table as a 40 year old man and not comprehending the slang.

Then here I am trying to inject some logic into their teenage "situations" and get return stares like I'm the idiot.


Small potatoes, but its 845 am and I feel like I need a beer already. This is going to be a long summer.

 

[Hoh]

Good grief, it's going to be a LONG summer.

The 14-year-old daughter has been "flexing" her independence for about a year now, but adding transportation (read: e-bike) to the mix has really intensified things. I've already paid to fix flat tires TWICE on this thing ($80 a pop) and now one entire tire (and tube) have to be replaced. $100+ easy. And since she's been without it for about a week, I've been playing taxi cab to her and her friends... going to the beach, friends' houses, pick up friends, drop friends off... not to mention volleyball practice, which I know I'm on the hook for, but all the other stuff? Ugh. And it's not even summer yet!

Add to the mix my 12-year-old boy is now trying to "flex" HIS independence a bit. He wants a cell phone. He wants an e-bike now, too. My wife bought him a piece of crap bike for $30 at a thrift shop a couple of months ago, and I've already paid for a new tire ($40ish) and then another $100 for the OTHER tire, tube and to repair the front brake. I could have probably got him a new bike for $150. The wife made the purchase without consulting me. I would have inspected it and said no.

Not to mention, both of them are getting kinda sassy. I try and enforce rules, remind them about chores, etc., and I end up looking like the "jerk". I swear, it was easier when they were infants/toddlers. I don't think I'm cut out for this "parenting teens" thing. It's literally driving me a little insane.

They don’t know it but they need you to be the jerk sometimes. As long as you aren’t ALWAYS the jerk. The day is coming when they see a kid misbehaving and will say “you wouldn’t have let me get away with that”.

 

[Alex P Keaton]

Good grief, it's going to be a LONG summer.

The 14-year-old daughter has been "flexing" her independence for about a year now, but adding transportation (read: e-bike) to the mix has really intensified things. I've already paid to fix flat tires TWICE on this thing ($80 a pop) and now one entire tire (and tube) have to be replaced. $100+ easy. And since she's been without it for about a week, I've been playing taxi cab to her and her friends... going to the beach, friends' houses, pick up friends, drop friends off... not to mention volleyball practice, which I know I'm on the hook for, but all the other stuff? Ugh. And it's not even summer yet!

Add to the mix my 12-year-old boy is now trying to "flex" HIS independence a bit. He wants a cell phone. He wants an e-bike now, too. My wife bought him a piece of crap bike for $30 at a thrift shop a couple of months ago, and I've already paid for a new tire ($40ish) and then another $100 for the OTHER tire, tube and to repair the front brake. I could have probably got him a new bike for $150. The wife made the purchase without consulting me. I would have inspected it and said no.

Not to mention, both of them are getting kinda sassy. I try and enforce rules, remind them about chores, etc., and I end up looking like the "jerk". I swear, it was easier when they were infants/toddlers. I don't think I'm cut out for this "parenting teens" thing. It's literally driving me a little insane.

Sorry if this has been covered, but why are you paying for all of this?