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This is funny. (2 Viewers)

A Baptist pastor was presenting a children's sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was. Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand. The pastor called on him and the little boy said, "I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor."

 
Darren wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office. But she was dating someone else. One day Darren got so frustrated that he went to her and said I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you. The girl looked at him and then said, "NO!" Darren said, "I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up." She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend. So she called him and explained the situation. Her boy friend says, "Ask him for $200 and pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down. Then give me a call." She agreed and accepts the proposal. Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks, "What happened?" Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "The ******* had all quarters!" Management lesson: Always consider a business proposition in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.

 
One day Dad cooks deer meat for dinner. He won't tell the kids what it is, but he gives them one clue. "It's what your mother calls me". The boy instantly drops his fork and screams "Oh my god its a ####ing ****, dont eat it!"

 
(not really "funny", but I felt like I had to post it somewhere.eta: their Ace of Spades might be the best thing I've ever seen. Other than cats. And farting Tilton.

 
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Subject: Motto: No Body is Above the LAW !!!!!!!Date: Wed, 20 Feb 2013 15:21:01 +0100From: FROM MR IBRAHIM LAMORDE(CHAIRMAN)<info@efcc.net>Reply-To: <ibrahimlamorde373@yahoo.dk>To: undisclosed-recipients:;FROM MR IBRAHIM LAMORDE(CHAIRMAN)ECONOMIC AND FINANCIAL CRIMES COMMISSIONNIGERIA INVESTIGATION BUREAU14A AWOLOWO LANE, IKOYILAGOS NIGERIA.Motto: No Body is Above the LAW (BE CAREFUL OF THE HOODLUMS / SCAMMERS) ATTENTION: BE CAREFUL OF THOSE HUDLOOM Firstly we introduce this commission, Economic & Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) we fight cyber crime, Internet fraud, scam and money laundering in Africa and London United Kingdom Our commission has been in existences since 2004 and our duty is to stop internet fraud.We have over 7,500 of them in our jails around Africa and UK and we are still looking for these internet fraudsters and we are aware that a lot of foreigners have been deceived a huge amount of money has also been lost to this fraudsters after promising you percentages in their letters for you to help them move funds and they will end up demanding for money from you and in return you will get nothing. The Leaders of the African Crime fighters has come together to inform the world what is going on now and we have recovered over $422 Million Dollars (Four Hundred and Twenty two Million Dollars) from the people we have apprehended. The reason we are writing you this letter is because your name was given to us by one of the fraudsters in our detention room after serious investigation and our aim is to refund all lost fund to its legitimate owner. The Government has approved a total of (us$10.2Million) only as the compensation of the lost that you incurred as this was a ceiling rate as some suffered more while others suffered less to and the idea is to restore you back to the position that you would have been if not that you are defrauded. In addition to the compensation amount also approved in your favor is (us$10.2Million) only will be paid to you in the next few days as the International conformable Draft has been issued in your Favor? We are doing this in other to retain the good image of this great country, the president (Good luck Ebele Jonathan) has instructed the payment of (us$10.2Million) each to 200 victims both America Asia Europe Etc. Due to his political straightness, All that you have to do right now is to contact the undersigned furnish him with the following data of yours immediately as we intend finalizing this payment in few days time and here is the contact (ibrahimlamorde373@yahoo.dk) to forward the requested information below. (1) Full Name:……………………(2) Current/Valid Residential Address:..........(3) Nominated Delivery Address:..............(4) Age:.....................(5) Sex:...............(6) Occupation:................(7) Country:...................(8) Home Cell Number:.........(9) Direct Mobile Number:.........(10)Scan Copy of your Identification Yours Sincerely EFCC Executive Chairman, Chief Mr. ibrahim lamorde rtd.)Economic and Financial Crimes Commission.

 
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