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Wife and I don't fight much... (1 Viewer)

pinequick

pinequick

Footballguy
...but we got into it tonight.

She is an owner of a business. We have some work that could be completed on our home--it is time sensitive and would need to be completed tomorrow. One of her employees' husband does this sort of work, and he happens to have tomorrow off. I told my wife that I was not comfortable having an employee's spouse coming to do work on our house--if we needed it done that bad, we would just hire a guy. The wife somehow brought this home-improvement project up in conversation today at work and her employee agreed to have her spouse do the work on his day off (tomorrow). The employee really likes my wife and would probably have her spouse do it for free (which my wife wouldn't allow), but I just don't like the power differential involved. I'm not comfortable with even the perception that we are taking advantage of this situation by having an employee's spouse do work for us.

We do not hang out with the employee or her spouse socially--ever. I don't even know the guy, and would only know the employee if I saw her at my wife's office.

In any case, this turned into a major argument tonight.

Backstory: my dad's blue-collar, so maybe I'm overly sensitive to this stuff. I don't know...

But it's the guy's day off. And his wife is my wife's employee. Am I wrong?

 
I see what you're saying, but I don't think I'd get heated about it. Raise your objections, and let wifey decide. It's her business, and her employee, right?

 
I understand your concern, but if your wife is comfortable with it - based on her relationship with the employee - then I'd let it happen. As you note, she's insisting on paying, which is appropriate. Doesn't sound like she's taking advantage of the situation. Just cross your fingers that the guy does a good job with the work.

 
You're completely overreacting and your jealousy is transparent to your wife.

Relax, the burly Stetson wearing worker guy isn't gonna plow your wife.

 
tri-man 47 said:
Doesn't sound like she's taking advantage of the situation.
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Agreed, but I think part of the problem is that the employee might feel pressured to have her husband do the work for her boss even if boss lady wouldn't actually hold it against her if she said "no". Then her hubby is pissed off because his wife just volunteered him to work on his day off, they get into a big fight, and so on.

 
FreeBaGeL said:
tri-man 47 said:
Doesn't sound like she's taking advantage of the situation.
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Agreed, but I think part of the problem is that the employee might feel pressured to have her husband do the work for her boss even if boss lady wouldn't actually hold it against her if she said "no". Then her hubby is pissed off because his wife just volunteered him to work on his day off, they get into a big fight, and so on.
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This was my contention. If it was one of the wife's partners volunteering their spouse... totally different ball game.

 
I'm with you on this and think it's inappropriate. That said, it's not something I'd get in a big fight over. Her decision.

 
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brohan you better hope this guy knows his stuff and is good at it and is not just some zippity doo da who stinks up the joint and does bad work because then what are you going to have your wife pressure the employee to get her husband to come back and fix it and so forth just seems like a situation that is not that good to start with and could get realy akward if it doe not go to par take that to the bank bromigo

 
Is he licensed? Can you look him up in any way? If yes, and you're paying him fairly for it, I don't see the big deal.

 
I agree with a combination of all these three things

kutta said:
I think you overreacted. Let your wife trust her judgment.
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tommyGunZ said:
I see what you're saying, but I don't think I'd get heated about it. Raise your objections, and let wifey decide. It's her business, and her employee, right?
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krista4 said:
I'm with you on this and think it's inappropriate. That said, it's not something I'd get in a big fight over. Her decision.
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pinequick said:
...but we got into it tonight.

She is an owner of a business. We have some work that could be completed on our home--it is time sensitive and would need to be completed tomorrow. One of her employees' husband does this sort of work, and he happens to have tomorrow off. I told my wife that I was not comfortable having an employee's spouse coming to do work on our house--if we needed it done that bad, we would just hire a guy. The wife somehow brought this home-improvement project up in conversation today at work and her employee agreed to have her spouse do the work on his day off (tomorrow). The employee really likes my wife and would probably have her spouse do it for free (which my wife wouldn't allow), but I just don't like the power differential involved. I'm not comfortable with even the perception that we are taking advantage of this situation by having an employee's spouse do work for us.

We do not hang out with the employee or her spouse socially--ever. I don't even know the guy, and would only know the employee if I saw her at my wife's office.

In any case, this turned into a major argument tonight.

Backstory: my dad's blue-collar, so maybe I'm overly sensitive to this stuff. I don't know...

But it's the guy's day off. And his wife is my wife's employee. Am I wrong?
Click to expand...
No, you're right. What if its shoddy? Plus, it IS taking advantage of a subordinate employee.

 
Find out if he actually does this for a living.

If so, let him do it and pay him some sort of reasonable hourly wage for time served. Have beer available.

If this isn't his profession, and he just does it on the side, say no thanks and convince your wife that you (and her) wont want crappy work.

Either way, nothing to argue about, and nothing remotely close to anything worth getting into a HEATED argument about.

I have no idea what your dad being blue collar has to do with anything.

 
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Putting down laminate flooring is not difficult. If the guy has done it once before, he should not have any problems.

The other side of this is that the husband may do side work frequently. He may WANT the extra money.

I do construction work as a side job. Most of my work comes through referrals from friends and people I have done work for before. I do not see the big deal with this situation.

 
tri-man 47 said:
I understand your concern, but if your wife is comfortable with it - based on her relationship with the employee - then I'd let it happen. As you note, she's insisting on paying, which is appropriate. Doesn't sound like she's taking advantage of the situation. Just cross your fingers that the guy does a good job with the work.
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Always a good plan.

krista4 said:
I'm with you on this and think it's inappropriate. That said, it's not something I'd get in a big fight over. Her decision.
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I don't think paying a spouse's husband to do a job he's clearly qualified for, would be worth fighting over.

But, if you have no real idea that the guy does good work, that's a recipe for disaster.

I wouldn't let him do electrical or plumbing, but laminate flooring probably isn't that big a deal. Still, consider the worst case and be ready for it.

 
I personally don't like to involve friends/family or associates in these sorts of matters but from time to time it just kind of happens.

I don't see what the big deal is, your wife made a decision, let her see it through.

Just treat the guy with respect and pay him a fair wage and show your appreciation for coming in on short notice.

also apologize to the wife for overreacting

 
I guess I'm confused as to why this is a problem or even started an argument??

Your wife owns a business??

Your wife found someone to finish an easy home improvement project in a day?

Wanna trade wives??

 
I am still not concerned what your problem is.

Is it you think the guy will do crummy work and cause a rift with your wife and her employee?

You don't like the fact your wife is making a decision about your home without consulting you?

Or are you just jealous another man will be in your house with your wife alone?

 
I definitely see where you are coming from.

I think a fair compromise is to have the work done but make sure the price paid is comparable to what you would pay someone else to do the work.

 
badmojo1006 said:
I am still not concerned what your problem is.

Is it you think the guy will do crummy work and cause a rift with your wife and her employee?

You don't like the fact your wife is making a decision about your home without consulting you?

Or are you just jealous another man will be in your house with your wife alone?
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Unless it's a deep seeded jealousy issue his main concern seems to be that it seems like an inappropriate use of power.

Boss hires subordinates husband worker to come do housework on his day off.

 
comfortably numb said:
badmojo1006 said:
I am still not concerned what your problem is.

Is it you think the guy will do crummy work and cause a rift with your wife and her employee?

You don't like the fact your wife is making a decision about your home without consulting you?

Or are you just jealous another man will be in your house with your wife alone?
Click to expand...
Unless it's a deep seeded jealousy issue his main concern seems to be that it seems like an inappropriate use of power.

Boss hires subordinates husband worker to come do housework on his day off.
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Exactly. It's just a situation that should be avoided 99% of the time.

 
Was there prior discussion between your wife and her employee about the husband looking for extra work?

 
At the same time you were having the argument, employee and her husband were having an equally heated argument about him not wanting to work on his day off. Sounds like the employee may be trying to score points with your wife.

 
DocHolliday said:
Putting down laminate flooring is not difficult. If the guy has done it once before, he should not have any problems.

The other side of this is that the husband may do side work frequently. He may WANT the extra money.

I do construction work as a side job. Most of my work comes through referrals from friends and people I have done work for before. I do not see the big deal with this situation.
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:goodposting:

Laminate flooring is pretty easy. It's the labor you are paying for not the skill.

 
SWC said:
brohan you better hope this guy knows his stuff and is good at it and is not just some zippity doo da who stinks up the joint and does bad work because then what are you going to have your wife pressure the employee to get her husband to come back and fix it and so forth just seems like a situation that is not that good to start with and could get realy akward if it doe not go to par take that to the bank bromigo
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At first I thought it was an overreaction, but SWC brings up a good point. You better hope this guy does a good job because if not, things could get awkward.

 
eoMMan said:
comfortably numb said:
badmojo1006 said:
I am still not concerned what your problem is.

Is it you think the guy will do crummy work and cause a rift with your wife and her employee?

You don't like the fact your wife is making a decision about your home without consulting you?

Or are you just jealous another man will be in your house with your wife alone?
Click to expand...
Unless it's a deep seeded jealousy issue his main concern seems to be that it seems like an inappropriate use of power.

Boss hires subordinates husband worker to come do housework on his day off.
Click to expand...
Exactly. It's just a situation that should be avoided 99% of the time.
Click to expand...
yep. as in-house counsel, I'd tell boss not to do it.

Let's say H does a great job. Great.

Now let's say W needs a day off but your wife can't allow it for business reasons. Or an appraisal doesn't go as she thinks it should. Your wife has problems.

Of course, other than hearing her complain later, this isn't your problem.

 
FUBAR said:
eoMMan said:
comfortably numb said:
badmojo1006 said:
I am still not concerned what your problem is.

Is it you think the guy will do crummy work and cause a rift with your wife and her employee?

You don't like the fact your wife is making a decision about your home without consulting you?

Or are you just jealous another man will be in your house with your wife alone?
Click to expand...
Unless it's a deep seeded jealousy issue his main concern seems to be that it seems like an inappropriate use of power.

Boss hires subordinates husband worker to come do housework on his day off.
Click to expand...
Exactly. It's just a situation that should be avoided 99% of the time.
Click to expand...
yep. as in-house counsel, I'd tell boss not to do it.

Let's say H does a great job. Great.

Now let's say W needs a day off but your wife can't allow it for business reasons. Or an appraisal doesn't go as she thinks it should. Your wife has problems.

Of course, other than hearing her complain later, this isn't your problem.
Click to expand...
If he feels that the employee and her husband were unfairly pressured into doing work for them, then it doesn't have to "his" problem. I know it's a strange concept, but it IS possible to feel bad for mr. volunteered hubby and ms. put into an awkward position employee without your concern being how it affects you personally.

 
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