Wife uses sex as a weapon (1 Viewer)

[Nate]

This thread isn't very encouraging for guys contemplating taking the plunge.

I disagree. This thread makes me realize all over again just how lucky I am to have picked the right girl.Oh and I'm also lucky to have learned a couple things about women in my relationships. This thread is evidence that a lot of guys haven't.

 

[datonn]

Are you sure you are not just a writer for the Hallmark chanel? And maybe that is why you are looking for female opinions? Because they are your target market? I swear the story above had to be from a movie on the Hallmark chanel. You know... the one where the dude looks in the mirror and says 'I love you' to get himself geeked up in the morning.

Another guy who obviously "gets it" here. Although I swear the first thing I thought of while reading that was latent, repressed homosexual curiosity...which results in an outward polar-opposite response. Gotta be SOOOO macho because all those weird tingles in one's pants every time they are just sitting around the fraternity scare and confuse said person. So afraid of getting in touch with one's "more sensitive side" because they're afraid that they won't be able to afford all the mustache wax, clothes, and hair products. NTTIAWWT.

 

[Pick]

This thread isn't very encouraging for guys contemplating taking the plunge.

I disagree. This thread makes me realize all over again just how lucky I am to have picked the right girl.Oh and I'm also lucky to have learned a couple things about women in my relationships. This thread is evidence that a lot of guys haven't.

Just guessing but I'd say the most vocal guys posting in this thread are divorced or about to be. Just a guess there. So reading their posts and taking them for complete truth could definitely make someone unsure about marriage.Not saying they're lying but there are relationships out there that work believe or not. But I also am definitely thankful to have done my research on my wife pre-marriage. There have been zero surprises regarding her personality. Funny cuz people always say you learn so much more about your spouse after you are married. That's just crazy talk to me that someone would get into a marriage and be surprised by something their spouse did. She was on birth control and that didn't affect her. But I know there's been wives out there who have become very different because of drugs. But again, do your research.

 

[datonn]

yeah, see, this never ever ever made sense to me.life isn't about work. your kids couldn't give a ##### less about how dedicated you are to your company. they weren't born to work for you glllllllllll, sounds like you're getting it figured out

Yep, after about 27 years of work, I'm SLOWLY seeing the light. I'm actually one of those people who enjoys work...who can't envision just sitting around on my ### on a boat or ??? until the day I die. I just want to do volunteer work (after I have enough $$$ in the bank to afford it). The stuff that needs to be done that nobody does because it doesn't pay enough. But stuff that will make the world a better place. My problem is that I lost any semblance of "balance" in my life as the result of my marriage slowly eroding...to the point where work became my life. My reason for getting up in the morning. But I'm working on it.Had a pretty frank discussion with my wife about it last night. A calm but direct conversation. Basically saying I'm not happy...and I don't appreciate certain things in our relationship. Told her that my counselor basically said I need that fulfillment from somewhere, but if it can't be from/with her (who I want to be with, which I reminded her of), that I probably need to start looking for it somewhere else. No yelling, no tears. Just a very direct and brutally honest discussion about where our marriage is at. We'll see how it goes from here.

 

[Grahamburn]

Sweet J made a post earlier in the thread where he posed a hypothetical about him getting hit buy a bus, and then asked his wife if she'd look elsewhere for sex in that scenario. She said yes, so obviously she's still interested in sex, but not with him. Why? If you married guys got divorced, don't you think your wives would be out looking for other men? They certainly would be.

It is not much different from the guy who has had a beer gut his whole married life and then when he is divorced he finally starts jogging. He wants to look better to attract a new mate.

I agree, but that's kind of my point. If you're a husband that has let yourself go during marriage, how do you think your wife feels about that? She can sense the complacency, and will likely respond accordingly with her own.

This thread isn't very encouraging for guys contemplating taking the plunge.

I disagree. This thread makes me realize all over again just how lucky I am to have picked the right girl.Oh and I'm also lucky to have learned a couple things about women in my relationships. This thread is evidence that a lot of guys haven't.

That comment was obviously tongue in cheek. I'm ecstatic with my girl as well, and wouldn't be contemplating marriage if I thought otherwise. I feel bad for these guys, and don't mean to disparage in any way, but I also have to wonder if the wives in these scenarios derive any pleasure from sex.

 

[Walton Goggins]

This thread isn't very encouraging for guys contemplating taking the plunge.

I disagree. This thread makes me realize all over again just how lucky I am to have picked the right girl.Oh and I'm also lucky to have learned a couple things about women in my relationships. This thread is evidence that a lot of guys haven't.

Just guessing but I'd say the most vocal guys posting in this thread are divorced or about to be. Just a guess there. So reading their posts and taking them for complete truth could definitely make someone unsure about marriage.Not saying they're lying but there are relationships out there that work believe or not. But I also am definitely thankful to have done my research on my wife pre-marriage. There have been zero surprises regarding her personality. Funny cuz people always say you learn so much more about your spouse after you are married. That's just crazy talk to me that someone would get into a marriage and be surprised by something their spouse did. She was on birth control and that didn't affect her. But I know there's been wives out there who have become very different because of drugs. But again, do your research.

LOTS of people change dramatically after they get married down the road. That's a fact. You can't possibly know that your spouse won't check out of a marriage at any given moment. Then again, I am fairly confident that many husbands thought the same way as you did at one point in their marriage, I certainly did.Also for a number of people in this thread there's an insinuation that if you knew your wife before you got married this wouldn't happen. Your marriage survives when BOTH are willing to make it work so you can do everything in your power and it's only as good as your spouse following suit. She/he checks out then nothing you can do will make it survive. Nothing.

 

[Walton Goggins]

Sweet J made a post earlier in the thread where he posed a hypothetical about him getting hit buy a bus, and then asked his wife if she'd look elsewhere for sex in that scenario. She said yes, so obviously she's still interested in sex, but not with him. Why? If you married guys got divorced, don't you think your wives would be out looking for other men? They certainly would be.

It is not much different from the guy who has had a beer gut his whole married life and then when he is divorced he finally starts jogging. He wants to look better to attract a new mate.

I agree, but that's kind of my point. If you're a husband that has let yourself go during marriage, how do you think your wife feels about that? She can sense the complacency, and will likely respond accordingly with her own.

This thread isn't very encouraging for guys contemplating taking the plunge.

I disagree. This thread makes me realize all over again just how lucky I am to have picked the right girl.Oh and I'm also lucky to have learned a couple things about women in my relationships. This thread is evidence that a lot of guys haven't.

That comment was obviously tongue in cheek. I'm ecstatic with my girl as well, and wouldn't be contemplating marriage if I thought otherwise. I feel bad for these guys, and don't mean to disparage in any way, but I also have to wonder if the wives in these scenarios derive any pleasure from sex.

Newsflash: the majority of men who pick their soon to be wife think they've picked the right girl. Hope that never changes for you.

 

[Jutz]

Are you sure you are not just a writer for the Hallmark chanel? And maybe that is why you are looking for female opinions? Because they are your target market? I swear the story above had to be from a movie on the Hallmark chanel. You know... the one where the dude looks in the mirror and says 'I love you' to get himself geeked up in the morning.

Another guy who obviously "gets it" here. Although I swear the first thing I thought of while reading that was latent, repressed homosexual curiosity...which results in an outward polar-opposite response. Gotta be SOOOO macho because all those weird tingles in one's pants every time they are just sitting around the fraternity scare and confuse said person. So afraid of getting in touch with one's "more sensitive side" because they're afraid that they won't be able to afford all the mustache wax, clothes, and hair products. NTTIAWWT.

So I guess I'm right

 

[Pick]

LOTS of people change dramatically after they get married down the road. That's a fact. You can't possibly know that your spouse won't check out of a marriage at any given moment. Then again, I am fairly confident that many husbands thought the same way as you did at one point in their marriage, I certainly did.

Lots of people do not change dramatically after marrieage. That's a fact. And change isn't always bad anyway as long as both sides are on board. That's also a fact. And you make "checking out of marriage" sound like it happens all the sudden and suprises the other spouse ("at any given moment"). WTF? Is your marriage some kind of murder mystery or something? If that's how you describe then you're doing it wrong. Certainly there are marriages that just don't work out but getting blind-sided by your spouse is a sign that you weren't paying attention.

 

[Walton Goggins]

LOTS of people change dramatically after they get married down the road. That's a fact. You can't possibly know that your spouse won't check out of a marriage at any given moment. Then again, I am fairly confident that many husbands thought the same way as you did at one point in their marriage, I certainly did.

Lots of people do not change dramatically after marrieage. That's a fact. And change isn't always bad anyway as long as both sides are on board. That's also a fact. And you make "checking out of marriage" sound like it happens all the sudden and suprises the other spouse ("at any given moment"). WTF? Is your marriage some kind of murder mystery or something? If that's how you describe then you're doing it wrong. Certainly there are marriages that just don't work out but getting blind-sided by your spouse is a sign that you weren't paying attention.

Then tell that to all the married men who are no longer getting it. It's got to be all in their minds since their wives while dating they were having sex all the time.

To the married guys, take it from him, your wife still wants to give you bj's and sex a number of times per week. She didn't change dramatically, it's all in your head so snap out of it.

 

[Walton Goggins]

Pick just solved everything so close the thread. People don't change dramatically once they are married. So if your wife is using sex a weapon now you are completely wrong.

 

[Pick]

Freak out much, Chief?

 

[Nate]

Newsflash: the majority of men who pick their soon to be wife think they've picked the right girl. Hope that never changes for you.

Picking the right girl is only half of it, if that.Plus, all of my divorced friends ignored serious warning signs going in, either about the girl, themselves, or the timing. Ignoring the red flags isn't quite the same as really believing that you've got the right girl.

 

[Bogart]

I would say people change after marriage, many for the worse, some for the better. My dad and stepmom have a marriage that has gotten better over time, not worse.

As for doing my "research" before marriage, I thought I had, but maybe I was fooled. My wife and I had a great sex life when dating. Our joke was that our restaurant was IHOP, because it was the only thing still open after our dates started by heading straight to the bed for the sechs. She had been married before (this is my first marriage) and I knew that her husband left her for someone he worked with. She talked about how "he wanted sex every day, twice a day" and that "once or twice a week was not enough for him." Maybe this should have been a red flag, maybe not. We were doing fine as a couple in all aspects of our relationship, so I just wrote it off as bad chemistry between them and was ready for a lifetime of "once or twice a week." I guess I was wrong, really wrong.

Before we were married, she suggested a two-month "break" from sex to make the wedding night seem more special. I agreed without hesitation. She brought this up during our conversation last week that I should have seen this as a sign. I honestly did not see it as anything more than something my spouse wanted to do to try and make her big day as magical as possible.

Maybe I'm the fool here, and I still hope and prey that things can be fixed, but doubt is creeping in more and more daily. May 12th can't get here soon enough.

 

[Pick]

Plus, all of my divorced friends ignored serious warning signs going in, either about the girl, themselves, or the timing. Ignoring the red flags isn't quite the same as really believing that you've got the right girl.

Not according to Goggins. LOTS of marriages end because the husband is doing everything right and the wife catches him totally off-guard with some random, spur-of-the-moment, radical personality shift.

 

[urbanhack]

It's been fantastic for our company, as I have many of our competitors curled up in the corner of the room, rocking in the fetal position. Since none of them are 1/3 as motivated or crazy enough to sacrifice the way I have. However, it is slowly killing me from the inside out. All because I feel like my marriage ended years ago, and I have little to no outlet for not only my, ahem, "manly needs," but because I have little/no outlet for my social needs in general.

yeah, see, this never ever ever made sense to me.life isn't about work. your kids couldn't give a ##### less about how dedicated you are to your company. they weren't born to work for you glllllllllll, sounds like you're getting it figured out

Agreed. I resented my father for working so much. Too busy working and not enough time to do things with me.

 

[NCCommish]

Plus, all of my divorced friends ignored serious warning signs going in, either about the girl, themselves, or the timing. Ignoring the red flags isn't quite the same as really believing that you've got the right girl.

Not according to Goggins. LOTS of marriages end because the husband is doing everything right and the wife catches him totally off-guard with some random, spur-of-the-moment, radical personality shift.

It does happen. And it happens more than a little bit. In fact I am pretty sure it also happens to women who get men that change the second they think they hold title.

 

[Walton Goggins]

Newsflash: the majority of men who pick their soon to be wife think they've picked the right girl. Hope that never changes for you.

Picking the right girl is only half of it, if that.Plus, all of my divorced friends ignored serious warning signs going in, either about the girl, themselves, or the timing. Ignoring the red flags isn't quite the same as really believing that you've got the right girl.

This is a thread about women using sex as a weapon. Most guys I've known had no issues with their GF and them having sex while they dated and in the first few years of their marriage.

 

[Pick]

I would say people change after marriage, many for the worse, some for the better. My dad and stepmom have a marriage that has gotten better over time, not worse.

Agreed.

As for doing my "research" before marriage, I thought I had, but maybe I was fooled. My wife and I had a great sex life when dating. Our joke was that our restaurant was IHOP, because it was the only thing still open after our dates started by heading straight to the bed for the sechs. She had been married before (this is my first marriage) and I knew that her husband left her for someone he worked with. She talked about how "he wanted sex every day, twice a day" and that "once or twice a week was not enough for him." Maybe this should have been a red flag, maybe not. We were doing fine as a couple in all aspects of our relationship, so I just wrote it off as bad chemistry between them and was ready for a lifetime of "once or twice a week." I guess I was wrong, really wrong.Before we were married, she suggested a two-month "break" from sex to make the wedding night seem more special. I agreed without hesitation. She brought this up during our conversation last week that I should have seen this as a sign. I honestly did not see it as anything more than something my spouse wanted to do to try and make her big day as magical as possible.

Tough to say in hindsight. Taking on a divorcee is a huge red flag to me, but not like it doesn't work out ever.Did she struggle at all during the 2-month break? We tried something similar.

 

[Walton Goggins]

Plus, all of my divorced friends ignored serious warning signs going in, either about the girl, themselves, or the timing. Ignoring the red flags isn't quite the same as really believing that you've got the right girl.

Not according to Goggins. LOTS of marriages end because the husband is doing everything right and the wife catches him totally off-guard with some random, spur-of-the-moment, radical personality shift.

And lots because the husband does everything wrong but again we should close this thread now since Pick said people don't change dramatically once they get married. All in your head people, move on and snap out of it. Your wife isn't NOW using sex as a weapon.

 

[Walton Goggins]

I would say people change after marriage, many for the worse, some for the better. My dad and stepmom have a marriage that has gotten better over time, not worse.

As for doing my "research" before marriage, I thought I had, but maybe I was fooled. My wife and I had a great sex life when dating. Our joke was that our restaurant was IHOP, because it was the only thing still open after our dates started by heading straight to the bed for the sechs. She had been married before (this is my first marriage) and I knew that her husband left her for someone he worked with. She talked about how "he wanted sex every day, twice a day" and that "once or twice a week was not enough for him." Maybe this should have been a red flag, maybe not. We were doing fine as a couple in all aspects of our relationship, so I just wrote it off as bad chemistry between them and was ready for a lifetime of "once or twice a week." I guess I was wrong, really wrong.

Before we were married, she suggested a two-month "break" from sex to make the wedding night seem more special. I agreed without hesitation. She brought this up during our conversation last week that I should have seen this as a sign. I honestly did not see it as anything more than something my spouse wanted to do to try and make her big day as magical as possible.

Maybe I'm the fool here, and I still hope and prey that things can be fixed, but doubt is creeping in more and more daily. May 12th can't get here soon enough.

According to Pick people don't change dramatically so it's all in your head and your wife still loves the sechs and wants to do it with you.

 

[Pick]

Plus, all of my divorced friends ignored serious warning signs going in, either about the girl, themselves, or the timing. Ignoring the red flags isn't quite the same as really believing that you've got the right girl.

Not according to Goggins. LOTS of marriages end because the husband is doing everything right and the wife catches him totally off-guard with some random, spur-of-the-moment, radical personality shift.

It does happen. And it happens more than a little bit. In fact I am pretty sure it also happens to women who get men that change the second they think they hold title.

I'm sure it happens but it's few and far between and like I said I'm guessing drugs were involved. I mean comon already. Husband doing everything right and wife just randomly changes in an instant. I'm not talking over weeks or months here. But whatever, if you want to believe otherwise that's fine. But I think there are red flags being ignored or swept under the rug.

 

[Pick]

Goggins on tilt . . . again.

 

[Bogart]

Did she struggle at all during the 2-month break? We tried something similar.

We both were traveling quite a bit during those two months with our jobs. She would literally leave on a Sunday night and come back Friday night. On the weekends we were driving up from Houston where we lived to Fort Worth where the wedding was for planning, and staying with family.So the struggles were at a minimum just based on lack of opportunity.

 

[Walton Goggins]

Plus, all of my divorced friends ignored serious warning signs going in, either about the girl, themselves, or the timing. Ignoring the red flags isn't quite the same as really believing that you've got the right girl.

Not according to Goggins. LOTS of marriages end because the husband is doing everything right and the wife catches him totally off-guard with some random, spur-of-the-moment, radical personality shift.

It does happen. And it happens more than a little bit. In fact I am pretty sure it also happens to women who get men that change the second they think they hold title.

I'm sure it happens but it's few and far between and like I said I'm guessing drugs were involved. I mean comon already. Husband doing everything right and wife just randomly changes in an instant. I'm not talking over weeks or months here. But whatever, if you want to believe otherwise that's fine. But I think there are red flags being ignored or swept under the rug.

Wait you just said people don't dramatically change and now you say sure it happens? Which is it Dr. Phil?

 

[Pick]

Plus, all of my divorced friends ignored serious warning signs going in, either about the girl, themselves, or the timing. Ignoring the red flags isn't quite the same as really believing that you've got the right girl.

Not according to Goggins. LOTS of marriages end because the husband is doing everything right and the wife catches him totally off-guard with some random, spur-of-the-moment, radical personality shift.

It does happen. And it happens more than a little bit. In fact I am pretty sure it also happens to women who get men that change the second they think they hold title.

I'm sure it happens but it's few and far between and like I said I'm guessing drugs were involved. I mean comon already. Husband doing everything right and wife just randomly changes in an instant. I'm not talking over weeks or months here. But whatever, if you want to believe otherwise that's fine. But I think there are red flags being ignored or swept under the rug.

Wait you just said people don't dramatically change and now you say sure it happens? Which is it Dr. Phil?

Go back and read my post, Oprah. I mention changing within a marriage not being a bad thing. But you're on tilt and are seeing red. Heaven forbid someone disagrees with your sage, non-biased opinion.

 

[Walton Goggins]

Not seeing red Phil, we're just tired of you constantly giving our horrible relationship advice. Nobody ever changes, blah blah blah.

 

[Socrates11]

Girls girls you're both pretty! Now stop hijacking the thread!

 

[Grahamburn]

Newsflash: the majority of men who pick their soon to be wife think they've picked the right girl. Hope that never changes for you.

Man, I want to meet the ##### that ###### you up.

 

[Kanil]

I don't know if this has been said but if my wife started using sex as a weapon, I'd start using a weapon to get sex (probablyabaseballbat).

 

[Walton Goggins]

Newsflash: the majority of men who pick their soon to be wife think they've picked the right girl. Hope that never changes for you.

Man, I want to meet the ##### that ###### you up.

Be careful for what you wish for! Most importantly I got O U T !!!!

 

[NCCommish]

Plus, all of my divorced friends ignored serious warning signs going in, either about the girl, themselves, or the timing. Ignoring the red flags isn't quite the same as really believing that you've got the right girl.

Not according to Goggins. LOTS of marriages end because the husband is doing everything right and the wife catches him totally off-guard with some random, spur-of-the-moment, radical personality shift.

It does happen. And it happens more than a little bit. In fact I am pretty sure it also happens to women who get men that change the second they think they hold title.

I'm sure it happens but it's few and far between and like I said I'm guessing drugs were involved. I mean comon already. Husband doing everything right and wife just randomly changes in an instant. I'm not talking over weeks or months here. But whatever, if you want to believe otherwise that's fine. But I think there are red flags being ignored or swept under the rug.

It happens on a regular basis. Both sexes do it. You know that. We are all glad you got a good one. But there is a reason the good ones stick out so much.

 

[Pick]

Not seeing red Phil, we're just tired of you constantly giving our horrible relationship advice. Nobody ever changes, blah blah blah.

You are nitpicking my posts and pulling stuff out of context. And when I point that out you just ignore it and continue with some sensational diatrible. So either you are seeing red and so aren't acting rationally or maybe you're just a moron. Whatever.And LOL at taking marriage advice from some divorced, miserable jackhole like yourself. Ya go write a book on that and let me know how it does, k?

 

[Pick]

Plus, all of my divorced friends ignored serious warning signs going in, either about the girl, themselves, or the timing. Ignoring the red flags isn't quite the same as really believing that you've got the right girl.

Not according to Goggins. LOTS of marriages end because the husband is doing everything right and the wife catches him totally off-guard with some random, spur-of-the-moment, radical personality shift.

It does happen. And it happens more than a little bit. In fact I am pretty sure it also happens to women who get men that change the second they think they hold title.

I'm sure it happens but it's few and far between and like I said I'm guessing drugs were involved. I mean comon already. Husband doing everything right and wife just randomly changes in an instant. I'm not talking over weeks or months here. But whatever, if you want to believe otherwise that's fine. But I think there are red flags being ignored or swept under the rug.

It happens on a regular basis. Both sexes do it. You know that.

I disagree on the regular basis part.

But there is a reason the good ones stick out so much.

There is also a reason the bad ones stick out so much.There's really nowhere to go here. You think spouses are regularly psychotic (paraphrasing of course). I don't.

 

[NCCommish]

Plus, all of my divorced friends ignored serious warning signs going in, either about the girl, themselves, or the timing. Ignoring the red flags isn't quite the same as really believing that you've got the right girl.

Not according to Goggins. LOTS of marriages end because the husband is doing everything right and the wife catches him totally off-guard with some random, spur-of-the-moment, radical personality shift.

It does happen. And it happens more than a little bit. In fact I am pretty sure it also happens to women who get men that change the second they think they hold title.

I'm sure it happens but it's few and far between and like I said I'm guessing drugs were involved. I mean comon already. Husband doing everything right and wife just randomly changes in an instant. I'm not talking over weeks or months here. But whatever, if you want to believe otherwise that's fine. But I think there are red flags being ignored or swept under the rug.

It happens on a regular basis. Both sexes do it. You know that.

I disagree on the regular basis part.

But there is a reason the good ones stick out so much.

There is also a reason the bad ones stick out so much.There's really nowhere to go here. You think spouses are regularly psychotic (paraphrasing of course). I don't.

I am pretty sure I didn't mention psychosis at all. And regardless of what you think marriage counselor offices are full of people right now looking at someone they no longer recognize.

 

[Disco Stu]

Plus, all of my divorced friends ignored serious warning signs going in, either about the girl, themselves, or the timing. Ignoring the red flags isn't quite the same as really believing that you've got the right girl.

Not according to Goggins. LOTS of marriages end because the husband is doing everything right and the wife catches him totally off-guard with some random, spur-of-the-moment, radical personality shift.

It does happen. And it happens more than a little bit. In fact I am pretty sure it also happens to women who get men that change the second they think they hold title.

I'm sure it happens but it's few and far between and like I said I'm guessing drugs were involved. I mean comon already. Husband doing everything right and wife just randomly changes in an instant. I'm not talking over weeks or months here. But whatever, if you want to believe otherwise that's fine. But I think there are red flags being ignored or swept under the rug.

It happens on a regular basis. Both sexes do it. You know that.

I disagree on the regular basis part.

But there is a reason the good ones stick out so much.

There is also a reason the bad ones stick out so much.There's really nowhere to go here. You think spouses are regularly psychotic (paraphrasing of course). I don't.

I am pretty sure I didn't mention psychosis at all. And regardless of what you think marriage counselor offices are full of people right now looking at someone they no longer recognize.

Yeah, I think Pick needs to tap the brakes a little here. The two extremes clashing have really junked up what seemed to be a potentially helpful thread.

 

[Disco Stu]

So, for those of you guys that are having these problems, were there signs early on in your relationships before being married that something like this could happen down the road? I find it hard to believe any of you married someone that wasn't having sex with you.

I've only been in my relationship for two years, but my sex life is outstanding. There aren't any boundaries. She initiates, I initiate. I have a hard time envisioning a scenario where wedding cake makes that part of your life just stop.

That's kind of the reason I made the post earlier in the thread that you have to continue to show genuine interest in your wife once you're married. Did the husband become complacent and stop showing affection, which caused the wife to become less interested in sex, or did wifey really just decide she doesn't want it anymore? I seriously doubt it was the latter.

Sweet J made a post earlier in the thread where he posed a hypothetical about him getting hit buy a bus, and then asked his wife if she'd look elsewhere for sex in that scenario. She said yes, so obviously she's still interested in sex, but not with him. Why? If you married guys got divorced, don't you think your wives would be out looking for other men? They certainly would be.

I get that there is a lot going on in everyone's lives. Work, kids, family, etc., but there has to be room for some romance too. Today's woman needs that. Everyone likes that feeling of excitement, spontaneity. It may not be logical or reasonable with the other rigors of life, but that's how they are, and if we decide to marry them we have to live up to our part of the bargain as well. I'd also assume that you genuinely love your wife if you marry them, and you would want to show them that affection.

I guess I just don't agree with the notion that because your wife married you, she's obligated to sleep with you. It just goes so much deeper than that. Forever is definitely a long time, and it's important to keep it interesting.

You're assuming a lot of logical thoughts coming from these women. Rookie mistake.

 

[BigJim®]

Before we were married, she suggested a two-month "break" from sex to make the wedding night seem more special. I agreed without hesitation. She brought this up during our conversation last week that I should have seen this as a sign.

I'm sorry, but that's outlandish. She is now suggesting you should have interpreted her desire to delay gratification for a special wedding night as a "sign" that she was capable of cutting you off after marriage? That boarders on insane.

 

[Bogart]

Before we were married, she suggested a two-month "break" from sex to make the wedding night seem more special. I agreed without hesitation. She brought this up during our conversation last week that I should have seen this as a sign.

I'm sorry, but that's outlandish. She is now suggesting you should have interpreted her desire to delay gratification for a special wedding night as a "sign" that she was capable of cutting you off after marriage? That boarders on insane.

My whole situation is insane. The fact that I am laying it all out semi-anonymous on an Internet Message Board should tell you how beyond frustration and beyond understanding that I am towards her and the whole situation.I continue to appreciate all the comments, suggestions and help from everyone.

 

[Grahamburn]

You're assuming a lot of logical thoughts coming from these women. Rookie mistake.

Actually, I was assuming the opposite. It's not logical and reasonable for a wife to expect her husband to continue treating her like he did when they were dating (at least all the time), especially when the rigors of life get in the way. My point is that we need to understand that today's woman does expect us to continue treating them that way even after we're married regardless, and if we choose to marry them in spite of knowing all of this information, that's on us.I am a rookie though, and I might be looking at being called up to the bigs soon. Hopefully I'm not way off base in thinking that my future wife won't lose interest in me if I continue to show my love and compassion for her.

 

[urbanhack]

You're assuming a lot of logical thoughts coming from these women. Rookie mistake.

Actually, I was assuming the opposite. It's not logical and reasonable for a wife to expect her husband to continue treating her like he did when they were dating (at least all the time), especially when the rigors of life get in the way. My point is that we need to understand that today's woman does expect us to continue treating them that way even after we're married regardless, and if we choose to marry them in spite of knowing all of this information, that's on us.I am a rookie though, and I might be looking at being called up to the bigs soon. Hopefully I'm not way off base in thinking that my future wife won't lose interest in me if I continue to show my love and compassion for her.

How long have you lived together?

 

[culdeus]

Before we were married, she suggested a two-month "break" from sex to make the wedding night seem more special. I agreed without hesitation. She brought this up during our conversation last week that I should have seen this as a sign.

I'm sorry, but that's outlandish. She is now suggesting you should have interpreted her desire to delay gratification for a special wedding night as a "sign" that she was capable of cutting you off after marriage? That boarders on insane.

Have her followed. Dump her iphone GPS tracker stuff. Keyloggers all that.At this point I think you hope she's cheating on you. If she's not how do you rally here?

 

[Pick]

Plus, all of my divorced friends ignored serious warning signs going in, either about the girl, themselves, or the timing. Ignoring the red flags isn't quite the same as really believing that you've got the right girl.

Not according to Goggins. LOTS of marriages end because the husband is doing everything right and the wife catches him totally off-guard with some random, spur-of-the-moment, radical personality shift.

It does happen. And it happens more than a little bit. In fact I am pretty sure it also happens to women who get men that change the second they think they hold title.

I'm sure it happens but it's few and far between and like I said I'm guessing drugs were involved. I mean comon already. Husband doing everything right and wife just randomly changes in an instant. I'm not talking over weeks or months here. But whatever, if you want to believe otherwise that's fine. But I think there are red flags being ignored or swept under the rug.

It happens on a regular basis. Both sexes do it. You know that.

I disagree on the regular basis part.

But there is a reason the good ones stick out so much.

There is also a reason the bad ones stick out so much.There's really nowhere to go here. You think spouses are regularly psychotic (paraphrasing of course). I don't.

I am pretty sure I didn't mention psychosis at all.

But I did and that was the context of the discussion. Not saying people don't go crazy but it does not happen overnight. Goggin's post said otherwise.

And regardless of what you think marriage counselor offices are full of people right now looking at someone they no longer recognize.

Well, that's not at all what I think so whatever. I agree with the statement. Again, I think it's not something that happens overnight.

 

[BigJim®]

Before we were married, she suggested a two-month "break" from sex to make the wedding night seem more special. I agreed without hesitation. She brought this up during our conversation last week that I should have seen this as a sign.

I'm sorry, but that's outlandish. She is now suggesting you should have interpreted her desire to delay gratification for a special wedding night as a "sign" that she was capable of cutting you off after marriage? That boarders on insane.

My whole situation is insane. The fact that I am laying it all out semi-anonymous on an Internet Message Board should tell you how beyond frustration and beyond understanding that I am towards her and the whole situation.I continue to appreciate all the comments, suggestions and help from everyone.

Yeah, I feel for your situation and not laughing at it, but just that statement. No offense to the ladies, but how womanlike. I would have reeled off the questions at that point... "Was it intended as a sign?" "Why would you give signs instead of being direct with a person you planned to spend your life with?" "Can you let me know of any other marriage-dooming signs I might have missed?" I know, not real helpful.

 

[Pick]

Plus, all of my divorced friends ignored serious warning signs going in, either about the girl, themselves, or the timing. Ignoring the red flags isn't quite the same as really believing that you've got the right girl.

Not according to Goggins. LOTS of marriages end because the husband is doing everything right and the wife catches him totally off-guard with some random, spur-of-the-moment, radical personality shift.

It does happen. And it happens more than a little bit. In fact I am pretty sure it also happens to women who get men that change the second they think they hold title.

I'm sure it happens but it's few and far between and like I said I'm guessing drugs were involved. I mean comon already. Husband doing everything right and wife just randomly changes in an instant. I'm not talking over weeks or months here. But whatever, if you want to believe otherwise that's fine. But I think there are red flags being ignored or swept under the rug.

It happens on a regular basis. Both sexes do it. You know that.

I disagree on the regular basis part.

But there is a reason the good ones stick out so much.

There is also a reason the bad ones stick out so much.There's really nowhere to go here. You think spouses are regularly psychotic (paraphrasing of course). I don't.

I am pretty sure I didn't mention psychosis at all. And regardless of what you think marriage counselor offices are full of people right now looking at someone they no longer recognize.

Yeah, I think Pick needs to tap the brakes a little here. The two extremes clashing have really junked up what seemed to be a potentially helpful thread.

For sure but he started it. I realize my opinion is not popular in a thread dominated by divorcees but that doesn't mean it doesn't have it's place. Definitely some falsehoods being thrown out there that just plain aren't true.

 

[Pick]

That boarders on insane.

Ya, I mentioned this.

 

[mr. furley]

Before we were married, she suggested a two-month "break" from sex to make the wedding night seem more special. I agreed without hesitation. She brought this up during our conversation last week that I should have seen this as a sign. I honestly did not see it as anything more than something my spouse wanted to do to try and make her big day as magical as possible.

jesus :(

 

[Yankee23Fan]

I would say people change after marriage, many for the worse, some for the better. My dad and stepmom have a marriage that has gotten better over time, not worse.As for doing my "research" before marriage, I thought I had, but maybe I was fooled. My wife and I had a great sex life when dating. Our joke was that our restaurant was IHOP, because it was the only thing still open after our dates started by heading straight to the bed for the sechs. She had been married before (this is my first marriage) and I knew that her husband left her for someone he worked with. She talked about how "he wanted sex every day, twice a day" and that "once or twice a week was not enough for him." Maybe this should have been a red flag, maybe not. We were doing fine as a couple in all aspects of our relationship, so I just wrote it off as bad chemistry between them and was ready for a lifetime of "once or twice a week." I guess I was wrong, really wrong.Before we were married, she suggested a two-month "break" from sex to make the wedding night seem more special. I agreed without hesitation. She brought this up during our conversation last week that I should have seen this as a sign. I honestly did not see it as anything more than something my spouse wanted to do to try and make her big day as magical as possible.Maybe I'm the fool here, and I still hope and prey that things can be fixed, but doubt is creeping in more and more daily. May 12th can't get here soon enough.

Sorry. She sounds like a selfish *****. She clearly isn't ready to be a grown up, be in a true relationship and care for someone else. I'd be pretty astounded if she was anything close to a good mother instead of just one of those women that does everything to show off her kids to make her look good. It's also painfully obvious that she is one of those stereotypical woman that have been talked about here that only use sex to get what they want while dating. She hooked you. No need for her to work at it anymore. I'm willing to bet that if you called her exhusband and ask him what happened it would be identical to what you are dealing with now. I'd file for divorce now and save yourself the 3 years of trying to make it work you are leaning towards. And as a general rule I don't suggest divorce at all. For religous reasons mainly, but I beleive in that oath you take and working at it to make it work. But in the end, you can't get a garden to grow if all you have to work with is limestone rock. Good luck whatever happens.

 

[tommyboy]

Before we were married, she suggested a two-month "break" from sex to make the wedding night seem more special. I agreed without hesitation. She brought this up during our conversation last week that I should have seen this as a sign. I honestly did not see it as anything more than something my spouse wanted to do to try and make her big day as magical as possible.Maybe I'm the fool here, and I still hope and prey that things can be fixed, but doubt is creeping in more and more daily. May 12th can't get here soon enough.

some women just don't enjoy intercourse. maybe you should switch to the oral method on this one and make her come about 4-5 times in a row. She might change her mind. if she's not even willing to try that, you have problems that are beyond my pay grade

 

[Alex P Keaton]

Newsflash: the majority of men who pick their soon to be wife think they've picked the right girl. Hope that never changes for you.

Picking the right girl is only half of it, if that.Plus, all of my divorced friends ignored serious warning signs going in, either about the girl, themselves, or the timing. Ignoring the red flags isn't quite the same as really believing that you've got the right girl.

Exactly. I can't think of a single divorced friend whose wife suddenly became crazy. They all started out crazy - my buddies just found creative ways to ignore the evidence.