Bag O’ Crap XI: Crappy BalboaStill your beating heart and lower your expectations, because something worthless this way comes: yes, it’s another good-for-nothing Bag O’ Crap! If you’ve got any brains sloshing around that skull of yours, you’ll put down your credit card and move away from the keyboard. Ever wondered how close you can come to actual consumer fraud and still get away with it? You’re looking at it.See, Woot Dot Com is officially two years old today, which explains why we keep biting the other kids when they try to take our toys. While we’re distracted by the intricacies of using the potty, don’t do anything you might regret. That includes forking over eighty hard-earned dimes for three of the most useless flibbertigibbets ever wrought by the hand of men. But if you absolutely insist, at least waste money responsibly, like so:1. WHEN YOU ORDER THIS ITEM, YOU’LL GET ONE BAG WITH (up to) THREE CRAPS IN IT.2. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR SELECTING THE QUANTITY OF THREE WHEN YOU ORDER.3. YOU WILL WASTE FREIGHT IF YOU ORDER FEWER THAN THREE.The item quantity you select is the number of crappy items we’ll put in your bag. Select THREE. You will only get one bag. Later, you can watch with smug satisfaction as a surprisingly large number of less observant Wooters complain on the forums about their two missing bags. But don’t get too smug, sucker – you threw good money after bad crap, just like they did.We say again: YOU WILL GET ONE BAG CONTAINING THE QUANTITY OF CRAPS YOU SELECT. How many bags? ONE. How many craps? One, two, or three, as you choose. So CHOOSE THREE. We can’t make this any clearer. If you’re seized by fits of involuntary mouse-clicking and you inadvertently select less than three, you can try emailing service@woot.com. Once they’re finished laughing at you, maybe they’ll amend your order. Maybe not.If you have any doubt about whether this Bag O’ Crap will be worth the money, take it from us: you’d be more entertained by setting fire to eight dollar bills and pitching them one by one off of a bridge. We make absolutely no guarantees, warranties, or manatees about the bags or what’s in them, except to promise that they will be useless, worthless, pointless, and meaningless. And yet, you’re still desperate to have one! It’s terrible what addiction does to people.THE HOLY CRAP COMMANDMENTS v2.0:I. Thou shalt expect nothing beyond one bag of some kind and your chosen quantity of crappy items (which should be THREE).II. Thou shalt not whine and complain when some people’s crap turns out to be nicer than yours.III. Thou shalt take a moment to consider whether you might be better off just not buying this crap.IV. Thou shalt not order just one crap and blame it on anything but your own inattention.V. To paraphrase Stephen Stills, shalt thou not get the crap you want, want the crap you get.
BOC
I knew there was a reason I woke up at 0400 and couldn't get back to sleep.
Great deal on that Rio carbon BTW, I bought one for my wife for Christmas last year and she really likes it... (It wouks with the Napster to go service which is really cool)
