Would A 55 Year Old Woman Be Insulted If A Guy Offered Her His Seat On The Subway? (1 Viewer)

[Joe Bryant]

Spinoff of the "Would you give up your seat to a woman on the subway?" thread https://forums.footballguys.com/thr...ng-up-your-seat-for-a-woman-on-subway.812596/

The situation:

New York City subway in Manhattan. 10 pm on a weekday. All the seats are full and a few people standing.

A woman gets on the subway who appears to be able-bodied and about 55 years old. There is no distress or anything negative at all with her.

Do you stand and offer her your seat if you're a guy sitting?

Someone mentioned there was a risk the woman might be insulted by this.

I know this is a bad group to ask as we're mostly guys here. But answer what you think might be the case.

 

[fruity pebbles]

55 is a weird age. I don’t think she’d be insulted because of the chivalry aspect but she might be because …….she feels you think she’s old.

 

[Gally]

It completely baffles me at how this could be insulting. Please explain how this could be insulting.

 

[General Malaise]

55 is a weird age. I don’t think she’d be insulted because of the chivalry aspect but she might be because …….she feels you think she’s old.

So you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. A paradox, straight outta The Simpsons.

 

[General Malaise]

It completely baffles me at how this could be insulting. Please explain how this could be insulting.

I think a sugary cereal just did that.....

 

[Dan Lambskin]

I went with 25-49%. FWIW I doubt I’d be giving my seat up unless she looked to be in obvious distress from standing

In general I subscribe to the rule that it’s best not to interact with strangers

 

[SFBayDuck]

Someone mentioned there was a risk the woman might be insulted by this.

I know this is a bad group to ask as we're mostly guys here. But answer what you think might be the case.

You called out the elephant in the room (on the board?) - I think a 55 year old woman would be more insulted by asking a bunch of 50 and 60 year old men how she would/should feel about something.

 

[Anarchy99]

I regularly offer my seat to women, children, the elderly, the injured, the disabled, and active military or veterans (if it's obvious). I've never had anyone feel insulted and all have been outwardly complimentary and grateful. A couple of times people have declined, but no one has ever suggested that the offer was insulting. Based on that, none of the poll options apply to me as far as I can tell. I guess 0-24% would be closest.

 

[Andy Dufresne]

It completely baffles me at how this could be insulting. Please explain how this could be insulting.

If you don't know you masochistic, chauvinistic, presumptuous... MAN, why certainly none of us can explain it to you in a way that your male brain could understand.

And don't you dare go holding any doors open either!!

 

[General Malaise]

It completely baffles me at how this could be insulting. Please explain how this could be insulting.

If you don't know you masochistic, chauvinistic, presumptuous... MAN, why certainly none of us can explain it to you in a way that your male brain could understand.

And don't you dare go holding any doors open either!!

*SNEEZE*
Me: Bless you
Sneezer: HOW DARE YOU!

 

[Andy Dufresne]

It probably increases the possibility of being an insult depending on how it's offered: a "command" like "Take this seat" seems to come across as one moreso than a questioning "Would you like this seat" does

 

[General Malaise]

It probably increases the possibility of being an insult depending on how it's offered: a "command" like "Take this seat" seems to come across as one moreso than a questioning "Would you like this seat" does

SIT DOWN, AGNES!

 

[belljr]

It completely baffles me at how this could be insulting. Please explain how this could be insulting.

If you don't know you masochistic, chauvinistic, presumptuous... MAN, why certainly none of us can explain it to you in a way that your male brain could understand.

And don't you dare go holding any doors open either!!

*SNEEZE*
Me: Bless you
Sneezer: HOW DARE YOU!

You are so good looking

 

[fruity pebbles]

I know most don’t think this could possibly be an issue until it happens to them and then it’s like WTF

 

[nirad3]

I definitely don't have a ton of public transit experience, but my initial thought is that there's a slight (0-24%) chance that she'd find it insulting to a degree.

 

[Andy Dufresne]

If this were to happen to me I'd probably double down with something like, "I apologize, I only asked because your kind are usually so weak and frail."

I'm kind of looking for a flight these days.

 

[fruity pebbles]

If this were to happen to me I'd probably double down with something like, "I apologize, I only asked because your kind are usually so weak and frail."

I'm kind of looking for a flight these days.

When the girl got angry at me for holding the door for her I just responded that I do it for men as well, you’re not special.

 

[Dinsy Ejotuz]

I haven't been on the Metro daily now for more than 10 years, so maybe my experience is out of date... but I never had anyone get upset at an offer. Just ask, don't make a big scene, and don't insist if they say no (IMO).

 

[Joe Bryant]

Based on that, none of the poll options apply to me as far as I can tell.

Sure they do. It's a guess on the percent chance you think they might be insulted.

 

[Joe Bryant]

It completely baffles me at how this could be insulting. Please explain how this could be insulting.

If you don't know you masochistic, chauvinistic, presumptuous... MAN, why certainly none of us can explain it to you in a way that your male brain could understand.

And don't you dare go holding any doors open either!!

*SNEEZE*
Me: Bless you
Sneezer: HOW DARE YOU!

How often does this happen?

 

[urbanhack]

zero chance she's insulted.

 

[Joe Schmo]

If this were to happen to me I'd probably double down with something like, "I apologize, I only asked because your kind are usually so weak and frail."

I'm kind of looking for a flight these days.

End the conversation with "So simmer down toots" so she knows who's boss!

 

[General Malaise]

It completely baffles me at how this could be insulting. Please explain how this could be insulting.

If you don't know you masochistic, chauvinistic, presumptuous... MAN, why certainly none of us can explain it to you in a way that your male brain could understand.

And don't you dare go holding any doors open either!!

*SNEEZE*
Me: Bless you
Sneezer: HOW DARE YOU!

How often does this happen?

me making bad jokes that don't land? ALL the time.

 

[Terminalxylem]

zero chance she's insulted.

Agree, it's close to zero.

What percentage of FFA-demographic men would be insulted if a woman offered her subway seat?

 

[Kanil]

Asked my wife (41) about this at our normal Friday lunch. She said she wouldn't be insulted at all if a seat was offered to her by a man of any age. I did ask how she feels about someone calling her, "ma'am" and said it doesn't really bother her but that would bug her more than being offered a seat.

 

[dickey moe]

I'd be insulted if she offered me her chair.

 

[krista4]

Insulted? I guess there's always a weirdo or two in any scenario, so I couldn't say zero percent, but I think the chances are extremely low. I'd find it very kind, and that is almost exactly my age. I might feel a little bummed if I thought they did it because they considered me old, but overall I'd just find it sweet and polite.

 

[Leroy Hoard]

I'll go with what Krista said

 

[Alex P Keaton]

zero chance she's insulted.

Agree, it's close to zero.

What percentage of FFA-demographic men would be insulted if a woman offered her subway seat?

Useless without pics

 

[El Floppo]

And I'm not worried about offending somebody by offering them a seat. That's on them if they take offense.

 

[El Floppo]

And really, offended? "No thanks" and it's done.

Is the point that getting up for a middle aged woman implies that she's old?

 

[fatness]

If this were to happen to me I'd probably double down with something like, "I apologize, I only asked because your kind are usually so weak and frail."

I'm kind of looking for a flight these days.

With a woman?

 

[BLOCKED_PUNT]

I doubt it, Very small chance she's offended if she thinks it's an age thing and not a guy being chivalrous.

it will prob go up to 25-49 in a few years though.

 

[Zow]

Went with 0-24% because humans can be sensitive about anything so there may be a couple offended persons in a sample size of 100. I now get called “sir” all the time - which I know is a sign of me getting older so I don’t love it and I can imagine being offered a seat is similar - but obviously there’s no ill intent there so I’m never going to be offended with it.

I remember when I was a kid (6th grade maybe?) a woman of about 55 got mad at me bc I didn’t offer her my seat at a crowded youth basketball game. It honestly didn’t even dawn on me to do it (my team was playing on the court next) but I did remember that going offered and have been an offerer since.

 

[massraider]

This is a super interesting question and discussion, if one has never been on the subway.

 

[Grahamburn]

I'd tap my thigh as a polite gesture to indicate she's free to sit in my lap.

 

[TennesseeJed]

Just a thought - but maybe the question is best posed at www.footballAARPLadies.com

Really an odd question to post here. Then again, maybe there is a train of thought where 50yo men are considered best positioned to say what 55yo women do, or should, think

 

[Bob Sacamano]

Offering is kind of begging to be acknowledged. Just stand up. If they want it, they can take it.

 

[El Floppo]

Offering is kind of begging to be acknowledged. Just stand up. If they want it, they can take it.

If you stand up, any ******* just sits down instead of the designated person. Trust me on that... Been in arguments over this on the train.

 

[Brunell4MVP]

Women's quest for independence is crazy IMO. I gladly raised our kids when my wife wanted to be the breadwinner. It was 50x easier than going ot the office every day and dealing with people. Make a few meals, do some laundry, drop off and pick up the kids, coach their sports, and between 9 am - 2 pm chill out and lift weights. I did work a good bit of that in a part time role from home though I didn't need to. But still, it was WAY easier that schlepping it to the office where Oracle, IBM, etc had worked me to near death.

 

[Todem]

It completely baffles me at how this could be insulting. Please explain how this could be insulting.

If that insults a woman I offer my seat too…..well I would simply move on.

I am 99% certain that 99% of women I offer a seat to would take it gladly and appreciate it regardless of age.

It’s being a gentleman.

 

[Grahamburn]

Women's quest for independence is crazy IMO. I gladly raised our kids when my wife wanted to be the breadwinner. It was 50x easier than going ot the office every day and dealing with people. Make a few meals, do some laundry, drop off and pick up the kids, coach their sports, and between 9 am - 2 pm chill out and lift weights. I did work a good bit of that in a part time role from home though I didn't need to. But still, it was WAY easier that schlepping it to the office where Oracle, IBM, etc had worked me to near death.

Did she take the bus to work though?

 

[IvanKaramazov]

It completely baffles me at how this could be insulting. Please explain how this could be insulting.

If that insults a woman I offer my seat too…..well I would simply move on.

I am 99% certain that 99% of women I offer a seat to would take it gladly and appreciate it regardless of age.

It’s being a gentleman.

It's weird that this is even a topic of discussion. If you encounter the one in a thousand who gets offended over a kind gesture, it's a "them" thing and you can just move on with your day. Do the right thing and don't worry about it.

 

[SoBeDad]

I've done it dozens of time on the L bus I used to take in Miami Beach. Never a problem for any woman. I'd offer my seat to even younger women and to men who looked like a senior. If I did it now, many years later with white hair, what little is left, it might make a 55 year old woman think about her age. It would make me a 55+ man think about my age but I wouldn't be insulted.

A more interesting question is why don't more able bodied younger people offer their seats to older adults on crowded buses and subways and trains.

 

[Chadstroma]

What city? (Yes, I think it matters)

Chicago? 0-24% chance
L.A.? 25-49% chance
New York? 50-74% chance
S.F.? Near 100% chance

 

[DA RAIDERS]

It completely baffles me at how this could be insulting. Please explain how this could be insulting.

If you don't know you masochistic, chauvinistic, presumptuous... MAN, why certainly none of us can explain it to you in a way that your male brain could understand.

And don't you dare go holding any doors open either!!

*SNEEZE*
Me: Bless you
Sneezer: HOW DARE YOU!

While I’m not insulted, I don’t get this one. I don’t say anything when people sneeze because I’m not fearful that their soul may have been ay risk to leave their body. I don’t expect people to say it when I sneeze and am annoyed by the compulsory thank you that is expected of me when they say something after I sneeze I’d go yell at clouds, but I’ve always felt this way. It’s a dumb antiquated custom

 

[Pip's Invitation]

People are different. Some are going to be insulted in this scenario and some aren’t. What the percentages are doesn’t matter. It’s about respecting and connecting with people individually.