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Wife uses sex as a weapon (2 Viewers)

'Dr. Gobbler said:
'Patrick Bateman said:
'Jayrod said:
Man, that sucks. I've been married for 11 years now, and our sex life is great, with high quality sex 1-2 times per week. I know some guys likely get it more often, but with two kids under 5 and some stressful finances, I'm not complaining. I say that to let you know I think I've learned some things over the past decade....The key here, IMO, is communication. You have to find out from her why she doesn't like sex with you. Every woman desires quality sex, but for women it is more than just the physical stimuli that makes sex enjoyable (or not). Usually it is many things outside the bedroom that lead to problems within it. For the woman, the many hours before you head to the bedroom are what determine what is going to happen. Did you fight during the day? Does she feel under appreciated or taken for granted? Is there some basic female need that she isn't getting met? Did you compliment her at all during the day?Now having the conversation may be tough, but the really hard part is what you do afterwards. Can you actually change enough to improve on these issues? Are you able to give what she needs? Can you do the things she is saying you need to do? Hopefully the answer is yes and it may take some serious sacrifice on your part, but a marriage is a lot of compromise.Once you try to address some of that, then you can let her know what it does to a man to have his advances constantly turned down. Few things knock a man down more than his wife telling him she's not interested in him physically time and time again. After about 4-5 times in a row, it becomes a serious problem in your mind. I've gone through some brief dry spells for a couple of weeks before and it becomes maddening. Can't fathom going a full month with no action. I'd honestly start to get very angry...but then again I do a hell of a lot to make sure she is happy. And that is the key, you trying to please her. I've found it is actually easier to please others than to please myself...especially in a marriage.
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Thanks jay. I know I have things to work on. The rejection is brutal. I know she doesn't see it that way, but I do. We've discussed it before several times. I'm starting to think that it's physical. Something maybe with her meds that are killing her libido. It never used to be like this though. I'm troubled.
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MEDS? Now we're getting somewhere. What kind?
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give her some roofies. Problem solved.
 
'renesauz said:
If she's healthy, and still doesn't want sex, there's a pretty good chance that SHE'S having an affair. (Certainly not proof, as there are many other possibilities, but a good chance.)If you let her know that this may threaten your marriage, and she's still ambivalent about it, than the odds increase.
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I'm certain she's not having an affair. :unsure:
 
'hook014 said:
Serious answer. Lose some weight, upgrade your wardrobe, wear a little cologne when you can and pay better attn to your hygiene. Start looking like you did when you were dating. Women are very territorial and she'll worry that someone else will start taking care of her man if they arent already. Oh and stop initiating sex. Act like it's the furthest thing from your mind. This will convince her that you are getting side action and is a major motivator.I did this 18 months ago and it was worth all the effort.
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Yeah . . . no.This isn't his fault. And this kind of thinking puts it in that category. Think about it: If a husband stops caring about sex with his wife, nobody thinks to blame the wife. Yet everybody is perfectly happy to blame the husband when the wife stops caring about sex.
 
'Patrick Bateman said:
'Dr. Gobbler said:
'Patrick Bateman said:
'Jayrod said:
Man, that sucks. I've been married for 11 years now, and our sex life is great, with high quality sex 1-2 times per week. I know some guys likely get it more often, but with two kids under 5 and some stressful finances, I'm not complaining. I say that to let you know I think I've learned some things over the past decade....The key here, IMO, is communication. You have to find out from her why she doesn't like sex with you. Every woman desires quality sex, but for women it is more than just the physical stimuli that makes sex enjoyable (or not). Usually it is many things outside the bedroom that lead to problems within it. For the woman, the many hours before you head to the bedroom are what determine what is going to happen. Did you fight during the day? Does she feel under appreciated or taken for granted? Is there some basic female need that she isn't getting met? Did you compliment her at all during the day?Now having the conversation may be tough, but the really hard part is what you do afterwards. Can you actually change enough to improve on these issues? Are you able to give what she needs? Can you do the things she is saying you need to do? Hopefully the answer is yes and it may take some serious sacrifice on your part, but a marriage is a lot of compromise.Once you try to address some of that, then you can let her know what it does to a man to have his advances constantly turned down. Few things knock a man down more than his wife telling him she's not interested in him physically time and time again. After about 4-5 times in a row, it becomes a serious problem in your mind. I've gone through some brief dry spells for a couple of weeks before and it becomes maddening. Can't fathom going a full month with no action. I'd honestly start to get very angry...but then again I do a hell of a lot to make sure she is happy. And that is the key, you trying to please her. I've found it is actually easier to please others than to please myself...especially in a marriage.
Click to expand...
Thanks jay. I know I have things to work on. The rejection is brutal. I know she doesn't see it that way, but I do. We've discussed it before several times. I'm starting to think that it's physical. Something maybe with her meds that are killing her libido. It never used to be like this though. I'm troubled.
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MEDS? Now we're getting somewhere. What kind?
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She takes Paxil for anxiety issues. This has been going on far longer though. We used to have an amazing sex life. Several times a day, and week. The last 5 years, it has slowed to nothing. I've taken it personally, she insists that it's not me, but she has no desire for sex any longer. A man in his 30's needs sex. This can't go on.
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My wife has been in treatment for clinical depression and severe anxiety for several years. What I see here is lot like what our life is like. In my experience the rejection isn't personal. It is fairly common with the meds and the condition. By the way if this is the case all the advice about losing weight and applying cologne, playing hard to get, etc. is useless. I know it for a fact. I even got permission to screw around as long as I was discreet and didn't leave. I never used that pass. I guess what it came down to for me was did I marry her to get laid or was it something more? I decided it was something more. After answering that I often struggle with "is this the rest of my life?" and "do I have the strength to deal?" The answer to that remains unclear and only time will tell.Wish I had some magic advice but what you really need is to make sure she is getting active treatment. Too many doctors just hand out pills. If that isn't working therapy may be the answer. And there are drugs with less sexual side effects to look into. Get active in her treatment. Not just to get some but because if you can get her to a better place then you really lived up to what marriage is supposed to be about right? It may take a while so either you're all in or look for the exit. It's a rough ride.
 
'NCCommish said:
'Patrick Bateman said:
'Dr. Gobbler said:
'Patrick Bateman said:
'Jayrod said:
Man, that sucks. I've been married for 11 years now, and our sex life is great, with high quality sex 1-2 times per week. I know some guys likely get it more often, but with two kids under 5 and some stressful finances, I'm not complaining. I say that to let you know I think I've learned some things over the past decade....The key here, IMO, is communication. You have to find out from her why she doesn't like sex with you. Every woman desires quality sex, but for women it is more than just the physical stimuli that makes sex enjoyable (or not). Usually it is many things outside the bedroom that lead to problems within it. For the woman, the many hours before you head to the bedroom are what determine what is going to happen. Did you fight during the day? Does she feel under appreciated or taken for granted? Is there some basic female need that she isn't getting met? Did you compliment her at all during the day?Now having the conversation may be tough, but the really hard part is what you do afterwards. Can you actually change enough to improve on these issues? Are you able to give what she needs? Can you do the things she is saying you need to do? Hopefully the answer is yes and it may take some serious sacrifice on your part, but a marriage is a lot of compromise.Once you try to address some of that, then you can let her know what it does to a man to have his advances constantly turned down. Few things knock a man down more than his wife telling him she's not interested in him physically time and time again. After about 4-5 times in a row, it becomes a serious problem in your mind. I've gone through some brief dry spells for a couple of weeks before and it becomes maddening. Can't fathom going a full month with no action. I'd honestly start to get very angry...but then again I do a hell of a lot to make sure she is happy. And that is the key, you trying to please her. I've found it is actually easier to please others than to please myself...especially in a marriage.
Click to expand...
Thanks jay. I know I have things to work on. The rejection is brutal. I know she doesn't see it that way, but I do. We've discussed it before several times. I'm starting to think that it's physical. Something maybe with her meds that are killing her libido. It never used to be like this though. I'm troubled.
Click to expand...
MEDS? Now we're getting somewhere. What kind?
Click to expand...
She takes Paxil for anxiety issues. This has been going on far longer though. We used to have an amazing sex life. Several times a day, and week. The last 5 years, it has slowed to nothing. I've taken it personally, she insists that it's not me, but she has no desire for sex any longer. A man in his 30's needs sex. This can't go on.
Click to expand...
My wife has been in treatment for clinical depression and severe anxiety for several years. What I see here is lot like what our life is like. In my experience the rejection isn't personal. It is fairly common with the meds and the condition. By the way if this is the case all the advice about losing weight and applying cologne, playing hard to get, etc. is useless. I know it for a fact. I even got permission to screw around as long as I was discreet and didn't leave. I never used that pass. I guess what it came down to for me was did I marry her to get laid or was it something more? I decided it was something more. After answering that I often struggle with "is this the rest of my life?" and "do I have the strength to deal?" The answer to that remains unclear and only time will tell.Wish I had some magic advice but what you really need is to make sure she is getting active treatment. Too many doctors just hand out pills. If that isn't working therapy may be the answer. And there are drugs with less sexual side effects to look into. Get active in her treatment. Not just to get some but because if you can get her to a better place then you really lived up to what marriage is supposed to be about right? It may take a while so either you're all in or look for the exit. It's a rough ride.
Click to expand...
Very good post.
 
'Patrick Bateman said:
'bentley said:
Doesn't seem like she's using it as a weapon since there's nothing you can do to get it.Have sex with someone else. Your needs are met and she doesn't have to deal with it.
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Sadly, I feel like it has come to this. I don't get it, but many women in there 30's seem to lose their sex drive.
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Do you have kids? How much is she working? How much do you do around the house? How much personal attention are you paying to her?
 
'gianmarco said:
I started a thread on this, but.........Do you guys go to sleep at the same time? If not, that may be part of the problem.
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Hey Gian,Thing is I used to think this and then discovered that my wife likes to simply sleep when we hit the bed after 9 or 10 o'clock so I stopped going to bed with her at night and she seems to understand why although every now and then she gets cranky and I lay with her but I cannot fall asleep like she does. If i had it my way it would be sex almost everynight then pass out in bed, that would be my plan. I found out though that my wife likes to make love on the weekend when she hasn't worked all day and then maybe once or twice in the work week(sometimes not) before she leaves for the day. I could complain about never having sex when it's dark which I absolutely love but I have it way better than most married men I know.Nice post and the thread is a solid 7 at this point.
 
'Thunderlips said:
'Patrick Bateman said:
'bentley said:
Doesn't seem like she's using it as a weapon since there's nothing you can do to get it.Have sex with someone else. Your needs are met and she doesn't have to deal with it.
Click to expand...
Sadly, I feel like it has come to this. I don't get it, but many women in there 30's seem to lose their sex drive.
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The reality of the situation is that modern society has shackled the sexual needs of the modern married man who abides by its rules. As a man, it's instinct to continually want to (for lack of better words) "spread your seed". Modern marriage and society handcuffs that and forces you to be one woman, most of whom after awhile A) get physically unfit to have or be comfortable having sex, B) let their pressures of everyday life weigh on their sexual mindset or C) lose that sexual drive. It doubly sucks because instead of women doing the sensible thing and allowing their men to go engage in sex with women more interested or capable,they become galvanized towards this idea of fidelity that modern marriage forces on them; a thought that is reinforced by friends of theirs whom are engaging in that very same mindset. This leaves an able bodied man little recourse. The real kick in the balls to this situation is if/when the situation comes to a head and divorce occurs....a lot of times the woman realizes that she has needs, loses the weight, amps up the libido and starts banging like a rabbit on Viagra.
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Someone rack that, thread moving up to maybe the 8 range. Good job of filling the void left by GG.
 
'Ministry of Pain said:
'Thunderlips said:
'Patrick Bateman said:
'bentley said:
Doesn't seem like she's using it as a weapon since there's nothing you can do to get it.Have sex with someone else. Your needs are met and she doesn't have to deal with it.
Click to expand...
Sadly, I feel like it has come to this. I don't get it, but many women in there 30's seem to lose their sex drive.
Click to expand...
The reality of the situation is that modern society has shackled the sexual needs of the modern married man who abides by its rules. As a man, it's instinct to continually want to (for lack of better words) "spread your seed". Modern marriage and society handcuffs that and forces you to be one woman, most of whom after awhile A) get physically unfit to have or be comfortable having sex, B) let their pressures of everyday life weigh on their sexual mindset or C) lose that sexual drive. It doubly sucks because instead of women doing the sensible thing and allowing their men to go engage in sex with women more interested or capable,they become galvanized towards this idea of fidelity that modern marriage forces on them; a thought that is reinforced by friends of theirs whom are engaging in that very same mindset. This leaves an able bodied man little recourse. The real kick in the balls to this situation is if/when the situation comes to a head and divorce occurs....a lot of times the woman realizes that she has needs, loses the weight, amps up the libido and starts banging like a rabbit on Viagra.
Click to expand...
Someone rack that
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Really?
 
'Limp Ditka said:
Time to go Lester on her.Quit your jobMake significant purchases without her inputBeat off in bed.Work outSmoke dope.Ogle high school cheerleaders.Eventually she'll start piping the "King" of her industry and you can leave the #####.Just hope you don't come out on the other end having to kiss another dude and becoming a corpse.
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How'd that work out for Lester?
 
'renesauz said:
If she's healthy, and still doesn't want sex, there's a pretty good chance that SHE'S having an affair. (Certainly not proof, as there are many other possibilities, but a good chance.)If you let her know that this may threaten your marriage, and she's still ambivalent about it, than the odds increase.
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Rene,I think you are underseling the Paxil. i don't believe he should be worried about an affair, she's home everynight from everything he is posting. I think the drug is having a major impact.
 
Do you ever crank one off in bed next to her when she won't give it up. I'll do this and mine usually will start to feel sorry for me and will give in then (about 50% of the time probably). Maybe try that??

 
Last edited by a moderator:
'mozzy84 said:
Do you ever crank one off in bed next to her when she won't give it up. I'll do this and mine usually will start to feel sorry for me and will give in then (about 50% of the time probably). Maybe try that??
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nomarriage.com
 
'Patrick Bateman said:
'bentley said:
Doesn't seem like she's using it as a weapon since there's nothing you can do to get it.Have sex with someone else. Your needs are met and she doesn't have to deal with it.
Click to expand...
Sadly, I feel like it has come to this. I don't get it, but many women in there 30's seem to lose their sex drive.
Click to expand...
Big freaking XI am divorced and dating girls in their 20's and 30's. The issue isn't age it's that she's married. Sure most guys have heard this joke before but it's accurateHow do you get your girlfriend to stop having sexy with you?Marry her
 
'iamsmilin said:
'Patrick Bateman said:
'bentley said:
Doesn't seem like she's using it as a weapon since there's nothing you can do to get it.Have sex with someone else. Your needs are met and she doesn't have to deal with it.
Click to expand...
Sadly, I feel like it has come to this. I don't get it, but many women in there 30's seem to lose their sex drive.
Click to expand...
Do you have kids? How much is she working? How much do you do around the house? How much personal attention are you paying to her?
Click to expand...
Those are all excuses for women to not have sex. Funny but single mothers who mostly raise their kids full time, have to do all the chores, etc. suddenly get a HIGH sex drive?
 
'cstu said:
'mozzy84 said:
Do you ever crank one off in bed next to her when she won't give it up. I'll do this and mine usually will start to feel sorry for me and will give in then (about 50% of the time probably). Maybe try that??
Click to expand...
nomarriage.com
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lol its all good, I'm at least 3x a week without that move. But if I can't sleep and she won't cooperate the above will happen.
 
'Walton Goggins said:
'Patrick Bateman said:
'bentley said:
Doesn't seem like she's using it as a weapon since there's nothing you can do to get it.Have sex with someone else. Your needs are met and she doesn't have to deal with it.
Click to expand...
Sadly, I feel like it has come to this. I don't get it, but many women in there 30's seem to lose their sex drive.
Click to expand...
Big freaking XI am divorced and dating girls in their 20's and 30's. The issue isn't age it's that she's married. Sure most guys have heard this joke before but it's accurateHow do you get your girlfriend to stop having sexy with you?Marry her
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Not true in my experience. Having a kid is when things slowed down in the bedroom for us. We had sex more when we were married then before. :shrug:
 
'Willy said:
First thing I was going to look for in this thread was if she's on any SSRI's like paxil, prozac or zoloft.

They impact everyone a little differently but it's well known that they kill libido in a large percentage of users. Lexapro is supposed to be the least bad of the group. Maybe you could convince her to try Lexapro. I am sure even that will be a hard sell as she probably doesn't think there is any problem. GL
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I dont know if I agree with this. When i took paxil I knew there was a problem with Libido. It was damn strange to say "nope - all set".
 
'shadyridr said:
'Walton Goggins said:
'Patrick Bateman said:
'bentley said:
Doesn't seem like she's using it as a weapon since there's nothing you can do to get it.Have sex with someone else. Your needs are met and she doesn't have to deal with it.
Click to expand...
Sadly, I feel like it has come to this. I don't get it, but many women in there 30's seem to lose their sex drive.
Click to expand...
Big freaking XI am divorced and dating girls in their 20's and 30's. The issue isn't age it's that she's married. Sure most guys have heard this joke before but it's accurateHow do you get your girlfriend to stop having sexy with you?Marry her
Click to expand...
Not true in my experience. Having a kid is when things slowed down in the bedroom for us. We had sex more when we were married then before. :shrug:
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You think single mother's stop having sex or not have sex very often cause they are tired? Not in my experience.
 
'Walton Goggins said:
'iamsmilin said:
'Patrick Bateman said:
'bentley said:
Doesn't seem like she's using it as a weapon since there's nothing you can do to get it.Have sex with someone else. Your needs are met and she doesn't have to deal with it.
Click to expand...
Sadly, I feel like it has come to this. I don't get it, but many women in there 30's seem to lose their sex drive.
Click to expand...
Do you have kids? How much is she working? How much do you do around the house? How much personal attention are you paying to her?
Click to expand...
Those are all excuses for women to not have sex. Funny but single mothers who mostly raise their kids full time, have to do all the chores, etc. suddenly get a HIGH sex drive?
Click to expand...
:goodposting: have seen this posted a few times...kids, jobs, chores, attention, etc.....woman has to be emotionally ready as well as physically ready for the sechs, romance her mind before her body, etc....which basically means as guys we have to worry about her "headspace" and "stress level", etc....it shouldn't be about playing these games and trying to figure things out and is she "emotionally into it"...we're married so you should be emotionally into it.... unless I have given you valid reasons not to be emotionally into it....if the average guy is holding up his end of the bargain in a marriage, sex should not be used as a bargaining chip by the wifey....shouldn't have to earn it (cleaning the house and cooking dinner before she gets home or whatever)....all that is is a big game and everybody knows it.....you shouldn't have to earn sex with your wife or make her think..."oh he cleaned the house and made dinner, so I better give him some tonight"....what good is that.....most of us have kids, have jobs, have stress in our lives....those shouldn't be reasons not to have sex with your spouse.....both partners should be respectful of the others needs.....just as much as I may need to understand her need to be "emotionally in it" for the sex, she needs to understand that maybe I don't need that all the time....and you know what, the ocassional "not really into it so how about a hj or bj" can go along way....we probably don't really care sometimes if you are into it or not, the fact that you put out the effort is usually good enough sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes....woman usually get to dictate the when/where/and how often.....why is that....well we all know the answer to that so we'll keep playing the game....if you are able to clearly communicate your sexual needs/desires to your partner, they should be respectful of that and if they care about you, they should try to do their part to help fulfill those needs on a basis that is somewhat acceptable by both parties.....sex in some way shape or form is usually part of most healthy marriages, it shouldn't be a game of what have you done for me lately and "where's your headspace at today baby?"....
 
'Walton Goggins said:
'Shtaym Syek said:
Replying to Goggins is going to get you absolutely nowhere, folks. Just let him rant in peace.
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You should practice what you preach.
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The only replies I give you is to tell you to go away.You're like the twenty year old who was #####whipped by his high-school girlfriend for 4 years, and finally got out of the relationship. Instead of taking a step back, he goes to the opposite extreme and becomes a bitter misogynist. You just don't get that there's a middle ground yet.You will. In the meantime, you're hurting any sort of rational discussion in these threads. I realize it's not fishing. It's really how you interact with the world. You'll get over it - but it just pisses all over threads in here right now.
 
'Stinkin Ref said:
have seen this posted a few times...kids, jobs, chores, attention, etc.....woman has to be emotionally ready as well as physically ready for the sechs, romance her mind before her body, etc....which basically means as guys we have to worry about her "headspace" and "stress level", etc....it shouldn't be about playing these games and trying to figure things out and is she "emotionally into it"...we're married so you should be emotionally into it.... unless I have given you valid reasons not to be emotionally into it....if the average guy is holding up his end of the bargain in a marriage, sex should not be used as a bargaining chip by the wifey....shouldn't have to earn it (cleaning the house and cooking dinner before she gets home or whatever)....all that is is a big game and everybody knows it.....you shouldn't have to earn sex with your wife or make her think..."oh he cleaned the house and made dinner, so I better give him some tonight"....what good is that.....most of us have kids, have jobs, have stress in our lives....those shouldn't be reasons not to have sex with your spouse.....both partners should be respectful of the others needs.....just as much as I may need to understand her need to be "emotionally in it" for the sex, she needs to understand that maybe I don't need that all the time....and you know what, the ocassional "not really into it so how about a hj or bj" can go along way....we probably don't really care sometimes if you are into it or not, the fact that you put out the effort is usually good enough sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes....woman usually get to dictate the when/where/and how often.....why is that....well we all know the answer to that so we'll keep playing the game....if you are able to clearly communicate your sexual needs/desires to your partner, they should be respectful of that and if they care about you, they should try to do their part to help fulfill those needs on a basis that is somewhat acceptable by both parties.....sex in some way shape or form is usually part of most healthy marriages, it shouldn't be a game of what have you done for me lately and "where's your headspace at today baby?"....
Click to expand...
Although your style is a bit 'stream of consciousness' I completely understand what you are saying... and I completely agree. It'd be like if a man was the bread winner in the family and used $ as a weapon. 'Getting hungry honey... stop holding out on the sex, and I'll give you some money to eat'. Hey... maybe that's the answer?
 
'Walton Goggins said:
'iamsmilin said:
'Patrick Bateman said:
'bentley said:
Doesn't seem like she's using it as a weapon since there's nothing you can do to get it.Have sex with someone else. Your needs are met and she doesn't have to deal with it.
Click to expand...
Sadly, I feel like it has come to this. I don't get it, but many women in there 30's seem to lose their sex drive.
Click to expand...
Do you have kids? How much is she working? How much do you do around the house? How much personal attention are you paying to her?
Click to expand...
Those are all excuses for women to not have sex. Funny but single mothers who mostly raise their kids full time, have to do all the chores, etc. suddenly get a HIGH sex drive?
Click to expand...
Yeah because single moms are known to be freaks in bed? How about they don't have to deal with a lot of baggage from being married, pregnant, etc. But hey, I know your opinion, it's ALWAYS the woman's fault.
 
'Stinkin Ref said:
:goodposting: have seen this posted a few times...kids, jobs, chores, attention, etc.....woman has to be emotionally ready as well as physically ready for the sechs, romance her mind before her body, etc....which basically means as guys we have to worry about her "headspace" and "stress level", etc....it shouldn't be about playing these games and trying to figure things out and is she "emotionally into it"...we're married so you should be emotionally into it.... unless I have given you valid reasons not to be emotionally into it....if the average guy is holding up his end of the bargain in a marriage, sex should not be used as a bargaining chip by the wifey....shouldn't have to earn it (cleaning the house and cooking dinner before she gets home or whatever)....all that is is a big game and everybody knows it.....you shouldn't have to earn sex with your wife or make her think..."oh he cleaned the house and made dinner, so I better give him some tonight"....what good is that.....most of us have kids, have jobs, have stress in our lives....those shouldn't be reasons not to have sex with your spouse.....both partners should be respectful of the others needs.....just as much as I may need to understand her need to be "emotionally in it" for the sex, she needs to understand that maybe I don't need that all the time....and you know what, the ocassional "not really into it so how about a hj or bj" can go along way....we probably don't really care sometimes if you are into it or not, the fact that you put out the effort is usually good enough sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes....woman usually get to dictate the when/where/and how often.....why is that....well we all know the answer to that so we'll keep playing the game....if you are able to clearly communicate your sexual needs/desires to your partner, they should be respectful of that and if they care about you, they should try to do their part to help fulfill those needs on a basis that is somewhat acceptable by both parties.....sex in some way shape or form is usually part of most healthy marriages, it shouldn't be a game of what have you done for me lately and "where's your headspace at today baby?"....
Click to expand...
I agree, sex shouldn't be a weapon. But I know that the number one complaint from married women I know is that they work full time, come home and take care of 80% of the house hold chores while their husbands watch TV, are generally ignored and then expected to just "turn on" their sex drive because he needs it and he is feeling horny. I'm not saying either is the case here, which is why I asked specifics.
 
'iamsmilin said:
'Stinkin Ref said:
:goodposting: have seen this posted a few times...kids, jobs, chores, attention, etc.....woman has to be emotionally ready as well as physically ready for the sechs, romance her mind before her body, etc....which basically means as guys we have to worry about her "headspace" and "stress level", etc....it shouldn't be about playing these games and trying to figure things out and is she "emotionally into it"...we're married so you should be emotionally into it.... unless I have given you valid reasons not to be emotionally into it....if the average guy is holding up his end of the bargain in a marriage, sex should not be used as a bargaining chip by the wifey....shouldn't have to earn it (cleaning the house and cooking dinner before she gets home or whatever)....all that is is a big game and everybody knows it.....you shouldn't have to earn sex with your wife or make her think..."oh he cleaned the house and made dinner, so I better give him some tonight"....what good is that.....most of us have kids, have jobs, have stress in our lives....those shouldn't be reasons not to have sex with your spouse.....both partners should be respectful of the others needs.....just as much as I may need to understand her need to be "emotionally in it" for the sex, she needs to understand that maybe I don't need that all the time....and you know what, the ocassional "not really into it so how about a hj or bj" can go along way....we probably don't really care sometimes if you are into it or not, the fact that you put out the effort is usually good enough sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes....woman usually get to dictate the when/where/and how often.....why is that....well we all know the answer to that so we'll keep playing the game....if you are able to clearly communicate your sexual needs/desires to your partner, they should be respectful of that and if they care about you, they should try to do their part to help fulfill those needs on a basis that is somewhat acceptable by both parties.....sex in some way shape or form is usually part of most healthy marriages, it shouldn't be a game of what have you done for me lately and "where's your headspace at today baby?"....
Click to expand...
I agree, sex shouldn't be a weapon. But I know that the number one complaint from married women I know is that they work full time, come home and take care of 80% of the house hold chores while their husbands watch TV, are generally ignored and then expected to just "turn on" their sex drive because he needs it and he is feeling horny. I'm not saying either is the case here, which is why I asked specifics.
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I think you are missing the point. I believe the point is... what does sex have to do with chores?Besides, one thing that drives me crazy is that women don't seem to realize that men also do chores. They just don't always do them at the exact same time as the women. A woman will sit there and stew about their SO sitting on the couch while she does the dishes, but won't notice when he is mowing the lawn and bagging leaves while she is out shopping. The same thing happens both ways, but it takes a logical brain to make that discovery... so in the end I understand why they don't notice... but I'm just sayin'.And when you say "turn on" it implies that there is an "off". Something else men are :confused: about.
 
'Thunderlips said:
The reality of the situation is that modern society has shackled the sexual needs of the modern married man who abides by its rules. As a man, it's instinct to continually want to (for lack of better words) "spread your seed". Modern marriage and society handcuffs that and forces you to be one woman, most of whom after awhile A) get physically unfit to have or be comfortable having sex, B) let their pressures of everyday life weigh on their sexual mindset or C) lose that sexual drive. It doubly sucks because instead of women doing the sensible thing and allowing their men to go engage in sex with women more interested or capable,they become galvanized towards this idea of fidelity that modern marriage forces on them; a thought that is reinforced by friends of theirs whom are engaging in that very same mindset. This leaves an able bodied man little recourse. The real kick in the balls to this situation is if/when the situation comes to a head and divorce occurs....a lot of times the woman realizes that she has needs, loses the weight, amps up the libido and starts banging like a rabbit on Viagra.
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Sounds like we have some bondage, forced feminazation, and torture of vulnerable areas. Hey, whatever it takes to keep that spark alive in a long-term marriage.
 
'iamsmilin said:
'Walton Goggins said:
'iamsmilin said:
'Patrick Bateman said:
'bentley said:
Doesn't seem like she's using it as a weapon since there's nothing you can do to get it.

Have sex with someone else. Your needs are met and she doesn't have to deal with it.
Click to expand...
Sadly, I feel like it has come to this. I don't get it, but many women in there 30's seem to lose their sex drive.
Click to expand...
Do you have kids? How much is she working? How much do you do around the house? How much personal attention are you paying to her?
Click to expand...
Those are all excuses for women to not have sex. Funny but single mothers who mostly raise their kids full time, have to do all the chores, etc. suddenly get a HIGH sex drive?
Click to expand...
Yeah because single moms are known to be freaks in bed? How about they don't have to deal with a lot of baggage from being married, pregnant, etc. But hey, I know your opinion, it's ALWAYS the woman's fault.
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My wife has told me that she just doesn't have a sex drive anymore. She's sorry about it, but there it is. I told her, I'm not so sure: I thought that if I got hit by a bus, and (after the appropriate mourning period) she started dating again, she'd be plenty interested in sex.She said, "Of course I would. It would be new and exiting."

And that really was all the answer I needed. It wasn't that she's not interested in sex. It's not that she's too tired or that being pregnant was tough or that it was hard to be interested after having the kids all day. No, it's that she's just not interested in sex with me, because it isn't exciting.

And I get that. I don't blame her. She's not the 29 year old hottie that I started dating. I know how it is. But she still excites me and I love her, so I want to have sex with her, and she still wants to have sex with me, just less often than I do. And yeah it sucks, but there it is. Life is a kick to the nuts.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
'Sweet J said:
'iamsmilin said:
'Walton Goggins said:
'iamsmilin said:
'Patrick Bateman said:
'bentley said:
Doesn't seem like she's using it as a weapon since there's nothing you can do to get it.

Have sex with someone else. Your needs are met and she doesn't have to deal with it.
Click to expand...
Sadly, I feel like it has come to this. I don't get it, but many women in there 30's seem to lose their sex drive.
Click to expand...
Do you have kids? How much is she working? How much do you do around the house? How much personal attention are you paying to her?
Click to expand...
Those are all excuses for women to not have sex. Funny but single mothers who mostly raise their kids full time, have to do all the chores, etc. suddenly get a HIGH sex drive?
Click to expand...
Yeah because single moms are known to be freaks in bed? How about they don't have to deal with a lot of baggage from being married, pregnant, etc. But hey, I know your opinion, it's ALWAYS the woman's fault.
Click to expand...
My wife has told me that she just doesn't have a sex drive anymore. She's sorry about it, but there it is. I told her, I'm not so sure: I thought that if I got hit by a bus, and (after the appropriate mourning period) she started dating again, she'd be plenty interested in sex.She said, "Of course I would. It would be new and exiting."

And that really was all the answer I needed. It wasn't that she's not interested in sex. It's not that she's too tired or that being pregnant was tough or that it was hard to be interested after having the kids all day. No, it's that she's just not interested in sex with me, because it isn't exciting.

And I get that. I don't blame her. She's not the 29 year old hottie that I started dating. I know how it is. But she still excites me and I love her, so I want to have sex with her, and she still wants to have sex with me, just less often than I do. And yeah it sucks, but there it is. Life is a kick to the nuts.
Click to expand...
Sounds like she might want to try anal.
 
'Sabertooth said:
'Sweet J said:
'iamsmilin said:
'Walton Goggins said:
'iamsmilin said:
'Patrick Bateman said:
'bentley said:
Doesn't seem like she's using it as a weapon since there's nothing you can do to get it.

Have sex with someone else. Your needs are met and she doesn't have to deal with it.
Click to expand...
Sadly, I feel like it has come to this. I don't get it, but many women in there 30's seem to lose their sex drive.
Click to expand...
Do you have kids? How much is she working? How much do you do around the house? How much personal attention are you paying to her?
Click to expand...
Those are all excuses for women to not have sex. Funny but single mothers who mostly raise their kids full time, have to do all the chores, etc. suddenly get a HIGH sex drive?
Click to expand...
Yeah because single moms are known to be freaks in bed? How about they don't have to deal with a lot of baggage from being married, pregnant, etc. But hey, I know your opinion, it's ALWAYS the woman's fault.
Click to expand...
My wife has told me that she just doesn't have a sex drive anymore. She's sorry about it, but there it is. I told her, I'm not so sure: I thought that if I got hit by a bus, and (after the appropriate mourning period) she started dating again, she'd be plenty interested in sex.She said, "Of course I would. It would be new and exiting."

And that really was all the answer I needed. It wasn't that she's not interested in sex. It's not that she's too tired or that being pregnant was tough or that it was hard to be interested after having the kids all day. No, it's that she's just not interested in sex with me, because it isn't exciting.

And I get that. I don't blame her. She's not the 29 year old hottie that I started dating. I know how it is. But she still excites me and I love her, so I want to have sex with her, and she still wants to have sex with me, just less often than I do. And yeah it sucks, but there it is. Life is a kick to the nuts.
Click to expand...
Sounds like she might want to try anal.
Click to expand...
:lmao:
 
'Chaka said:
'Limp Ditka said:
Time to go Lester on her.Quit your jobMake significant purchases without her inputBeat off in bed.Work outSmoke dope.Ogle high school cheerleaders.Eventually she'll start piping the "King" of her industry and you can leave the #####.Just hope you don't come out on the other end having to kiss another dude and becoming a corpse.
Click to expand...
How'd that work out for Lester?
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I didn't include this?
 
if a man or woman is holding up his/her end of the bargain in a relationship they should not have to go without sex if there was a pretty clear understanding at the beginning of the relationship that sex is important to him/her.....if one of them decides during the relationship that (for whatever reason...meds, general disinterest, becoming paralyzed from the waist down, whatever) it is no longer something he/she is interested in then it may sound bad to say it this way, but it would still seem to be their obligation/duty whatever you want to call it, to do the best they can to still meet the needs of their partner in that area.....

 
It could also be one of the following:

1. You're small.

2. You're not giving it to her right.

3. Combo of the above.

Think about. If you really give it to her good, she's going to fiend for it all the time. Has she had any o's with you before?

Just my 2 cents.

 
'Sweet J said:
'iamsmilin said:
'Walton Goggins said:
'iamsmilin said:
'Patrick Bateman said:
'bentley said:
Doesn't seem like she's using it as a weapon since there's nothing you can do to get it.

Have sex with someone else. Your needs are met and she doesn't have to deal with it.
Click to expand...
Sadly, I feel like it has come to this. I don't get it, but many women in there 30's seem to lose their sex drive.
Click to expand...
Do you have kids? How much is she working? How much do you do around the house? How much personal attention are you paying to her?
Click to expand...
Those are all excuses for women to not have sex. Funny but single mothers who mostly raise their kids full time, have to do all the chores, etc. suddenly get a HIGH sex drive?
Click to expand...
Yeah because single moms are known to be freaks in bed? How about they don't have to deal with a lot of baggage from being married, pregnant, etc. But hey, I know your opinion, it's ALWAYS the woman's fault.
Click to expand...
My wife has told me that she just doesn't have a sex drive anymore. She's sorry about it, but there it is. I told her, I'm not so sure: I thought that if I got hit by a bus, and (after the appropriate mourning period) she started dating again, she'd be plenty interested in sex.She said, "Of course I would. It would be new and exiting."

And that really was all the answer I needed. It wasn't that she's not interested in sex. It's not that she's too tired or that being pregnant was tough or that it was hard to be interested after having the kids all day. No, it's that she's just not interested in sex with me, because it isn't exciting.

And I get that. I don't blame her. She's not the 29 year old hottie that I started dating. I know how it is. But she still excites me and I love her, so I want to have sex with her, and she still wants to have sex with me, just less often than I do. And yeah it sucks, but there it is. Life is a kick to the nuts.
Click to expand...
I don't know what you do in the bedroom.....but if she's telling you that...then there's still hope for you. My advice?...heed the words of Mike Tyson.. " Treat her like a lady on the streets and a whore between the sheets". It's been my experience that women want to be treated like that a lot.....that they don't always want to be Sweet J's wife or the mother of his kids. They want to be that woman that Sweet J finds hot enough to try and bang when she's putting clothes in the washing machine or the woman that Sweet J wants so bad he'll walk in right from work, not say anything and just start taking off her clothes. That #### works man...use it....

And if it doesn't....find one that it will work on.

 
'Jutz said:
I think you are missing the point. I believe the point is... what does sex have to do with chores?

Besides, one thing that drives me crazy is that women don't seem to realize that men also do chores. They just don't always do them at the exact same time as the women. A woman will sit there and stew about their SO sitting on the couch while she does the dishes, but won't notice when he is mowing the lawn and bagging leaves while she is out shopping. The same thing happens both ways, but it takes a logical brain to make that discovery... so in the end I understand why they don't notice... but I'm just sayin'.

And when you say "turn on" it implies that there is an "off". Something else men are :confused: about.
Click to expand...
That she's tired after a long day of doing both. If you can't get that, then I don't know what to say. And yes, I agree that she SHOULD notice if you are doing chores at different times.Women (in general) equate sex with love and being in love etc., if she doesn't feel cared for or loved, it turns off. Women need the emotional aspects to feel open to sex.

For men, they need sex because.

'Sweet J said:
My wife has told me that she just doesn't have a sex drive anymore. She's sorry about it, but there it is. I told her, I'm not so sure: I thought that if I got hit by a bus, and (after the appropriate mourning period) she started dating again, she'd be plenty interested in sex.

She said, "Of course I would. It would be new and exiting."

And that really was all the answer I needed. It wasn't that she's not interested in sex. It's not that she's too tired or that being pregnant was tough or that it was hard to be interested after having the kids all day. No, it's that she's just not interested in sex with me, because it isn't exciting.

And I get that. I don't blame her. She's not the 29 year old hottie that I started dating. I know how it is. But she still excites me and I love her, so I want to have sex with her, and she still wants to have sex with me, just less often than I do. And yeah it sucks, but there it is. Life is a kick to the nuts.
Click to expand...
Sorry. I guess it's different for everyone. But at least she still wants to have sex with you.

 
'Jutz said:
I think you are missing the point. I believe the point is... what does sex have to do with chores?
Click to expand...
It's not about chores it's about feeling appreciated and not feeling like an afterthought until he gets horny.
 
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