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gianmarco

Is it ever ok to use a belt to discipline your child?

Child discipline  

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7 minutes ago, Lester Burnham said:

Got a good whoopin when I deserved it. The ####ification of America is complete. I bet withholding participation trophies is more effective now.

Which is basically never. Hopefully you dont make the same mistakes your parents did. 

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I'm the youngest of 7... my mother used a belt on me a few times. I got my tongue covered in black pepper exactly ONCE for mouthing off to her. One of my sisters had her mouth washed out with soap multiple times, so my mother found something that was not conducive to a kid developing a taste tolerance to. :eek:

7 kids. 7 college graduates. We turned out ok.

I have two adult kids. I smacked my oldest once (open handed across the back of the legs) for pulling away from his mother and darting across the street in front of a moving car. He was 2 or so. That's the only time I ever raised a hand to either of them. He never went into the street alone again without looking both ways. 

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41 minutes ago, parasaurolophus said:

Which is basically never. Hopefully you dont make the same mistakes your parents did. 

Well you would know since you know my complete life history. Life has more shades of gray than you imagine.

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Just now, Lester Burnham said:

Well you would know since you know my complete life history. Life has more shades of gray than you imagine.

How many?

 

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Just now, Lester Burnham said:

More than zero.

Like 50?

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1 hour ago, Lester Burnham said:

Well you would know since you know my complete life history. Life has more shades of gray than you imagine.

I dont need to know a thing about your life history to know it isnt right. Hopefully if you have kids you wont be simple minded and beat them. 

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7 hours ago, parasaurolophus said:

I dont need to know a thing about your life history to know it isnt right. Hopefully if you have kids you wont be simple minded and beat them. 

But that's how its been done since the olden days and they all survived!

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Just now, James Daulton said:

But that's how its been done since the olden days and they all survived!

I know somebody's kid that got a vaccine and they got sick like two days later, vaccines aren't safe!!!

 

(fyi i know your statement was meant to be sarcastic, just hopping on board. Don't want you to think I thought you were being serious.)

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It's nice to see the enlightened FBGs advancing the concept of absolute truths. One thing I have learned in life is don't rule anything out before you have examined as many options as feasible.

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On 7/10/2016 at 1:53 AM, Lester Burnham said:

It's nice to see the enlightened FBGs advancing the concept of absolute truths. One thing I have learned in life is don't rule anything out before you have examined as many options as feasible.

Have examined all options and spanking is for the lazy/ignorant parent.

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I can imagine instances like running into traffic or otherwise mindlessly putting themselves in danger where spanking would be understandable as a means to startle and emphasize the gravity of the situation, but once you introduce foreign objects it is entering child abuse territory IMO. 

Hit a child full force with a belt and I'm calling CPS, no doubt about it.

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On 4/28/2016 at 6:43 PM, xulf said:

Have not read this thread but the answer is no.  Had a backdoor neighbor where the dad was a cop (I was about 10).  My parents were having a party where everyone was out on the deck.  We got to watch this ####### cop chase his kid around with belt in hand, jeans and a deep v undershirt.  Kid was just crying and crying saying not again not again.  #### that #######.

Victim of belt discipline here. Belts are unnecessary. A swat at very limited times in a young childs life, when something life threatening happens is sufficient to correct most bad behavior. I have 4 kids, I might have spanked 10 times total. I'm talking a kid pushing another kid down the stairs type stuff.

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20 hours ago, bananafish said:

I can imagine instances like running into traffic or otherwise mindlessly putting themselves in danger where spanking would be understandable as a means to startle and emphasize the gravity of the situation, but once you introduce foreign objects it is entering child abuse territory IMO. 

Hit a child full force with a belt and I'm calling CPS, no doubt about it.

Some members here think you are the spawn of Satan for imagining such cruelty. But they WILL set up a gofundme page to help care for your kids when they run into traffic & suffer a TBI.

I don't have all the answers, but I can't say there are answers I don't agree with that aren't valid.

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18 hours ago, proninja said:

So you're very offended that some choose not to hit their kids, huh? 

Not at all. Every situation is different. Every child is different. I would guess that at least 90% of all children will respond positively to positive reinforcement. But associating pain with a dangerous behavior has its place in some instances. Ask Pavlov if conditioned response is a thing. I havent ever hit my kids because is wasnt needed. When my kids were young I had a  friend who had one kid out of five who wouldnt even pay attention till she got a light rap across the butt with an open hand. 

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From today's New York Times:

Parents should not spank their children, the American Academy of Pediatrics said on Monday in its most strongly worded policy statement warning against the harmful effects of corporal punishment in the home.

The group, which represents about 67,000 doctors, also recommended that pediatricians advise parents against the use of spanking, which it defined as “noninjurious, openhanded hitting with the intention of modifying child behavior,” and said to avoid using nonphysical punishment that is humiliating, scary or threatening.

“One of the most important relationships we all have is the relationship between ourselves and our parents, and it makes sense to eliminate or limit fear and violence in that loving relationship,” said Dr. Robert D. Sege, a pediatrician at Tufts Medical Center and the Floating Hospital for Children in Boston, and one of the authors of the statement.

The academy’s new policy, which will be published in the December issue of the journal Pediatrics, updates 20-year-old guidance on discipline that recommended parents be “encouraged” not to spank. The organization’s latest statement stems from a body of research that was unavailable two decades ago.

A 2016 analysis of multiple studies, for example, found that children do not benefit from spanking.

“Certainly you can get a child’s attention, but it’s not an effective strategy to teach right from wrong,” Dr. Sege said.

Recent studies have also shown that corporal punishment is associated with increased aggression and makes it more likely that children will be defiant in the future. Spanking alone is associated with outcomes similar to those of children who experience physical abuse, the new academy statement says.

There are potential ramifications to the brain as well: A 2009 study of 23 young adults who had repeated exposure to harsh corporal punishment found reduced gray matter volume in an area of the prefrontal cortex that is believed to play a crucial role in social cognition. Those exposed to harsh punishment also had a lower performance I.Q. than that of a control group.

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55 minutes ago, The_Man said:

From today's New York Times:

Parents should not spank their children, the American Academy of Pediatrics said on Monday in its most strongly worded policy statement warning against the harmful effects of corporal punishment in the home.

The group, which represents about 67,000 doctors, also recommended that pediatricians advise parents against the use of spanking, which it defined as “noninjurious, openhanded hitting with the intention of modifying child behavior,” and said to avoid using nonphysical punishment that is humiliating, scary or threatening.

“One of the most important relationships we all have is the relationship between ourselves and our parents, and it makes sense to eliminate or limit fear and violence in that loving relationship,” said Dr. Robert D. Sege, a pediatrician at Tufts Medical Center and the Floating Hospital for Children in Boston, and one of the authors of the statement.

The academy’s new policy, which will be published in the December issue of the journal Pediatrics, updates 20-year-old guidance on discipline that recommended parents be “encouraged” not to spank. The organization’s latest statement stems from a body of research that was unavailable two decades ago.

A 2016 analysis of multiple studies, for example, found that children do not benefit from spanking.

“Certainly you can get a child’s attention, but it’s not an effective strategy to teach right from wrong,” Dr. Sege said.

Recent studies have also shown that corporal punishment is associated with increased aggression and makes it more likely that children will be defiant in the future. Spanking alone is associated with outcomes similar to those of children who experience physical abuse, the new academy statement says.

There are potential ramifications to the brain as well: A 2009 study of 23 young adults who had repeated exposure to harsh corporal punishment found reduced gray matter volume in an area of the prefrontal cortex that is believed to play a crucial role in social cognition. Those exposed to harsh punishment also had a lower performance I.Q. than that of a control group.

More proof that this issue is settled. 

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I've learned and mellowed through experience.  When this thread was posted I was for some reason supportive of the idea that it's ok to use a belt. It just seemed like the good, old school, parenty way to look at it.  Now that I have three kids, I can't imagine hitting any of them.

Not the tough guy disciplinarian I guess I thought I was.  I was wrong.

:shrug: 

 

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1 hour ago, Otis said:

I've learned and mellowed through experience.  When this thread was posted I was for some reason supportive of the idea that it's ok to use a belt. It just seemed like the good, old school, parenty way to look at it.  Now that I have three kids, I can't imagine hitting any of them.

Not the tough guy disciplinarian I guess I thought I was.  I was wrong.

:shrug: 

 

I use one of those spiky metal balls on a chain, like something from game of thrones.

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On 7/7/2016 at 7:08 PM, Lester Burnham said:

Got a good whoopin when I deserved it. The ####ification of America is complete. I bet withholding participation trophies is more effective now.

Please change your name to "Lester Burnham Fan", TIA.

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I can't believe the people in here that think whacking your kids is a good way to raise them.  I got the #### beat out of me by both my mother and father. Not one hit made me a better person.  Shame on you who hit your kids.

 

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I'm not opposed to it, but I never would. Had it done to me plenty, though. 

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Never used a belt. I have spanked in the past, and every time I realize later  I did it out of anger/frustration and feel like a total piece of #### about it.  I don’t do it anymore.  It’s disgusting.  

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I've spanked both of my kids in the past but extremely rare, probably only a couple times for each of them.  They're 6 and 8 now and just don't do anything anymore I view as worthy of needing to be spanked. They're just good kids. 

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7 minutes ago, flapgreen said:

I've spanked both of my kids in the past but extremely rare, probably only a couple times for each of them.  They're 6 and 8 now and just don't do anything anymore I view as worthy of needing to be spanked. They're just good kids. 

Would they steal an entire bucket of candy and spoil the night for all the other kids?  Just curious. 

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6 minutes ago, Otis said:

Would they steal an entire bucket of candy and spoil the night for all the other kids?  Just curious. 

Huh

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7 hours ago, Otis said:

Now that I have three kids, I can't imagine hitting any of them.

Well said.

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5 hours ago, Otis said:

Would they steal an entire bucket of candy and spoil the night for all the other kids?  Just curious. 

I think the belt would be a suitable punishment for those jackholes. 

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I watched a woman whip her son on the bus once. I didn't say anything, but I realized then my stance on this. It was memorable -- especially redundant of me seeing as how I certainly haven't forgotten her discipline. I'm not sure it helps raising a child when discipline is doled out in this way, but I'm also not a parent, so who knows?

I'd vote no, even, and I think kids can be terrors.  

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Three kids (18, 15 and 12) and I recall 1 spanking in all those years. IMO, spanking is a red flag you suck as a parent. 

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I've done an open handed swat on the rear a few times. 

My son (oldest, now 12) got a few around 6-8 years old for intentionally hurting his sister.

Last one I gave was my only time on my daughter for lying to her mom around age 5 and trying to hide it.  Softest swat of all time and lost my taste for it permanently.  She was crying already before I even did it and just the fact that she got into trouble at all was enough punishment for her.

It was just one of those "that's how I was raised" things I did without thinking.  Thought this was how it was supposed to be done.  Wouldn't do it again even if we had young kids.

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I replied to this thread way back before I had kids.  It's remarkable how your view point changes after having them.

I have certainly swatted my toddler son on the butt when he's done something wrong, but I will never, ever use a belt on him or my daughter.

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"Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it."
~ Harold Hulbert

Here's the thing, 500 years ago, the race was fighting for survival. Stern and harsh parenting might have saved lives at one point. This is not the case anymore. This is what I want to ask the people that spank your child: if you were late to work, would it be appropriate for your boss to spank you? No, that'd be assault. Laying your hand on another human being with intent to inflict pain should be reserved for self defense. 

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12 hours ago, flapgreen said:

I've spanked both of my kids in the past but extremely rare, probably only a couple times for each of them.  They're 6 and 8 now and just don't do anything anymore I view as worthy of needing to be spanked. They're just good kids. 

I get that this made sense to you when you posted it, but really think: what could kids younger than this possibly do to "need" to be hit, that in your view they've now outgrown? The younger the kid is the further beyond the pale this reasoning is imo. 

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On 6/10/2012 at 5:32 PM, gianmarco said:

There's a thread about the Dad that got videotaped beating his son with a belt while playing catch. While most find it excessive in that situation, I'm truly shocked by how many seem to think using a belt is sometimes ok.

IMO, a belt or other object other than a hand should never be used to discipline a child. And even simple spankings should not be the norm. But, it seems that just because some of you were hit with belts as a kid and turned out fine that it's no big deal.

I hope this poll doesn't turn out like that thread seems to indicate it might, but we'll see.

Why do you think the hand should get a pass if other objects do not?

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My view has remained constant - spanking teaches kids that the person they love and trust more than anyone else in the world will physically harm them for making a mistake.

It is not an effective disciplinary or educational tool, and it erodes the parent-child relationship.

My oldest kid turns 21 in a month, my younger turns 16 tomorrow. They are both successful and self-disciplined; they are also kind, caring and honest. It took so much work and effort in the earlier years to correct their mistakes constructively, to not erupt in anger or frustration - but as we get close to the other end of the tunnel, I can tell you all that work was an investment in lifelong relationships with our kids that is more than paying my wife and me back.

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19 hours ago, The_Man said:

From today's New York Times:

Parents should not spank their children, the American Academy of Pediatrics said on Monday in its most strongly worded policy statement warning against the harmful effects of corporal punishment in the home.

The group, which represents about 67,000 doctors, also recommended that pediatricians advise parents against the use of spanking, which it defined as “noninjurious, openhanded hitting with the intention of modifying child behavior,” and said to avoid using nonphysical punishment that is humiliating, scary or threatening.

“One of the most important relationships we all have is the relationship between ourselves and our parents, and it makes sense to eliminate or limit fear and violence in that loving relationship,” said Dr. Robert D. Sege, a pediatrician at Tufts Medical Center and the Floating Hospital for Children in Boston, and one of the authors of the statement.

The academy’s new policy, which will be published in the December issue of the journal Pediatrics, updates 20-year-old guidance on discipline that recommended parents be “encouraged” not to spank. The organization’s latest statement stems from a body of research that was unavailable two decades ago.

A 2016 analysis of multiple studies, for example, found that children do not benefit from spanking.

“Certainly you can get a child’s attention, but it’s not an effective strategy to teach right from wrong,” Dr. Sege said.

Recent studies have also shown that corporal punishment is associated with increased aggression and makes it more likely that children will be defiant in the future. Spanking alone is associated with outcomes similar to those of children who experience physical abuse, the new academy statement says.

There are potential ramifications to the brain as well: A 2009 study of 23 young adults who had repeated exposure to harsh corporal punishment found reduced gray matter volume in an area of the prefrontal cortex that is believed to play a crucial role in social cognition. Those exposed to harsh punishment also had a lower performance I.Q. than that of a control group.

A whole 23, huh?

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13 hours ago, flapgreen said:

I've spanked both of my kids in the past but extremely rare, probably only a couple times for each of them.  They're 6 and 8 now and just don't do anything anymore I view as worthy of needing to be spanked. They're just good kids. 

Another one with the "My kids are great" line. All kids do bad/dumb ####. Yours are suddenly not the 1st ever perfect kids. If you don't know about what they do, that says a lot about you & not positive...

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Thinking of your child as behaving badly disposes you to think of punishment. Thinking of your child as struggling to handle something difficult encourages you to help them through their distress.

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1 hour ago, ConnSKINS26 said:

I get that this made sense to you when you posted it, but really think: what could kids younger than this possibly do to "need" to be hit, that in your view they've now outgrown? The younger the kid is the further beyond the pale this reasoning is imo. 

I have no desire to discuss these issues with people online who think they have the correct approach to parenting while others do not. 

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41 minutes ago, NeverEnough said:

Another one with the "My kids are great" line. All kids do bad/dumb ####. Yours are suddenly not the 1st ever perfect kids. If you don't know about what they do, that says a lot about you & not positive...

I couldn't give 2 ####s what some random nobody online thinks about my ability to parent, so you're wasting your time. Find someone who values your opinion. 

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1 hour ago, flapgreen said:

I couldn't give 2 ####s what some random nobody online thinks about my ability to parent, so you're wasting your time. Find someone who values your opinion. 

Yet you chimed in about a belt whack & replied to me. You know it all, right?! ;)

You have issues, sir. God Bless!

Edited by NeverEnough

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3 hours ago, jdoggydogg said:

Thinking of your child as behaving badly disposes you to think of punishment. Thinking of your child as struggling to handle something difficult encourages you to help them through their distress.

:lmao:

There is definitely a time for punishment.  Doesn't have to be corporal, but there needs to be some kind of deterrent or there will be behavior issues with the vast majority of kids.

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in some cultures belts are used to hold up pants and in just about all cultures it is accepted that you wear pants when you are disciplining your child so that sort of confuses the issue take that to the bank bromigos 

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3 hours ago, Jayrod said:

:lmao:

There is definitely a time for punishment.  Doesn't have to be corporal, but there needs to be some kind of deterrent or there will be behavior issues with the vast majority of kids.

If you take a hungry, tired three year old to a restaurant and he cries and can't keep quiet, should he be punished? You shouldn't have taken him there to begin with. So why would he be punished? I'm not crazy about the word punishment. Every time your child is doing behavior that is socially unacceptable, it's up to the parent to teach the child proper behavior. 

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1 hour ago, jdoggydogg said:

If you take a hungry, tired three year old to a restaurant and he cries and can't keep quiet, should he be punished? You shouldn't have taken him there to begin with. So why would he be punished? I'm not crazy about the word punishment. Every time your child is doing behavior that is socially unacceptable, it's up to the parent to teach the child proper behavior. 

That’s a pretty poor example. Of course that’s the parents fault. 

I would argue a lot of behavior issues come from parents letting kids get tired/hungry/frustrated because the parent isn’t paying attention. 

The best thing we did for our kids was get them on a consistent sleep routine early. Yes - it restricted our lives. But, it’s so worth it. 

What if that 3 year old hits his sister, you tell him no, and the second you turn your back he hits her harder?  Is that just him ‘struggling through a situation?’  No. That’s blatant disobedience. 

Dont spank him but yes, you need a punishment to deter the behavior. 

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