I Forgot Something (1 Viewer)

ChiefD · May 11, 2017

I remember when my children were first born. As they grew, they looked at me for everything. The smile on their faces when I came home at night after work meant everything. They did not care what kind of day I had. They just needed me. And the smile I gave them back. And the time I gave them.

I forgot that. Fast forward 11 years, and as the stress of life takes over, things change. You worry about work, and money, and the future, and the kids school, and how they act, and all the little things that drive you absolutely insane. Some days are good and I can be a normal guy, but a lot of days include myself and mom snapping at the kids, letting every little behavior turn into an argument, and not even realizing that these little blow ups turn into life changing mind-sets.

I forgot my kids need smiles. And they need their daddy to be a supporter more often than not, and to encourage them. I pride myself on being a good dad, but recently I've come to the realization I need to be better.

But I have also come to the realization that all the little things affect me and my wife WAY more than they need to. Kids are kids. They do things that drive you nuts. But tonight when I played catch with my 2 boys and laughed at my daughters silly jokes I knew I hadn't done enough of that lately. And that will change.

need2know · May 11, 2017

Good for you bro

Clown Car · May 11, 2017

I love summer because I like to swim with the kids. Racing the big ones, teaching the littles, playing ring around the rosy with the babies. I love it. I have a dear neighbor who lets us use her pool at our leisure. She's never home. It's the only time I "play" with the kids. I don't like to play. But playing in the pool, or spring, or gulf, I like to do. I'm going to actively pursue spending more time swimming this summer.

wikkidpissah · May 12, 2017

In the family counseling i did when i was in adolescent psych, i was adamant to remind parents that invariably a child's favorite thing to do is please somebody, the rest of it is because they think they can't, and that there is no one they'd rather please than loving parents. You're right, it is easy to forget and that too often happens pathologically in a parent/child relationship. Thx for reminding -

Toe Cutter · May 12, 2017

wikkidpissah said:
In the family counseling i did when i was in adolescent psych, i was adamant to remind parents that invariably a child's favorite thing to do is please somebody, the rest of it is because they think they can't, and that there is no one they'd rather please than loving parents. You're right, it is easy to forget and that too often happens pathologically in a parent/child relationship. Thx for reminding -

cockroach · May 12, 2017

wikkidpissah said:
In the family counseling i did when i was in adolescent psych, i was adamant to remind parents that invariably a child's favorite thing to do is please somebody, the rest of it is because they think they can't, and that there is no one they'd rather please than loving parents. You're right, it is easy to forget and that too often happens pathologically in a parent/child relationship. Thx for reminding -

Thank you for bringing me to tears this morning.

Leroy Hoard · May 12, 2017

Clown Car said:
I love summer because I like to swim with the kids. Racing the big ones, teaching the littles, playing ring around the rosy with the babies. I love it. I have a dear neighbor who lets us use her pool at our leisure. She's never home. It's the only time I "play" with the kids. I don't like to play. But playing in the pool, or spring, or gulf, I like to do. I'm going to actively pursue spending more time swimming this summer.

You have a great neighbor. Get the quality pool time without all the related hassles.

Bull Dozier · May 12, 2017

wikkidpissah said:
In the family counseling i did when i was in adolescent psych, i was adamant to remind parents that invariably a child's favorite thing to do is please somebody, the rest of it is because they think they can't, and that there is no one they'd rather please than loving parents. You're right, it is easy to forget and that too often happens pathologically in a parent/child relationship. Thx for reminding -

I assume your definition of "child" here ends at least by the teenage years? I'm only sort of joking.

But, the OP's post was a very good reminder to enjoy each day and take advantage of time that can be spent with your kids. I can still remember vividly lots of moments of my first being born, and him as an infant. While I won't say it feels "like it was yesterday" because a lot of time has passed, but he is now 15. My youngest is 13, and will be in high school next year. Over half of my time with them in the house is gone. I won't dwell on missed opportunities to spend valuable time with them, but I will do what I can to make our remaining time as valuable as possible.

Buzzbait · May 12, 2017

Good for recognizing this and making an attempt to be better. That's all anyone I think can ask of us is to recognize our short comings and make an honest attempt to be the best person possible. I have two kids that are great but I too find myself doing more snapping and less patient these days. I love them dearly and thank the Lord for allowing them to come into my life and I'm going to also work on being the best Dad possible!

beer 30 · May 12, 2017

Feeler

wikkidpissah · May 12, 2017

Bull Dozier said:
I assume your definition of "child" here ends at least by the teenage years? I'm only sort of joking.

Yes, the psych def of "child" seems loose - essentially anyone who still needs parental care (which could mean 37 these days) - but i'll never be in favor of expecting a child to be more than a child until the last possible moment.

The cerebral cortex grows in two spurts - one from 6 mos to 2 yrs, when it actually grows tissue-wise, and the other for a similar 1.5 yr period usually beginning just before physical puberty, when it hardwires itself to the rest of the brain and becomes conductor of this orchestra of mental processes. The period in between allows the greatest capacity for absorption of knowledge without an executive function, which is why kids learn languages and grammar and such so easily at that time. The second spurt in many ways seals in the making of the individual personality.

If a child learns the languages of cynicism, adult frailty & greed, emotional blackmail, acquisitiveness-before-inquisitiveness, power plays, substance abuse and other social dysfunctions before that time they will live the rest of their lives with these emotional touchstones as corners of the bedrock of their outlook. We are seeing the payoff of that now.

It is always too early for a child to become wise.

Brony · May 12, 2017

I got my KC FBGs mixed up and I thought you left something at the office after being laid off.

Bull Dozier · May 12, 2017

wikkidpissah said:
Yes, the psych def of "child" seems loose - essentially anyone who still needs parental care (which could mean 37 these days) - but i'll never be in favor of expecting a child to be more than a child until the last possible moment.

The cerebral cortex grows in two spurts - one from 6 mos to 2 yrs, when it actually grows tissue-wise, and the other for a similar 1.5 yr period usually beginning just before physical puberty, when it hardwires itself to the rest of the brain and becomes conductor of this orchestra of mental processes. The period in between allows the greatest capacity for absorption of knowledge without an executive function, which is why kids learn languages and grammar and such so easily at that time. The second spurt in many ways seals in the making of the individual personality.

If a child learns the languages of cynicism, adult frailty & greed, emotional blackmail, acquisitiveness-before-inquisitiveness, power plays, substance abuse and other social dysfunctions before that time they will live the rest of their lives with these emotional touchstones as corners of the bedrock of their outlook. We are seeing the payoff of that now.

It is always too early for a child to become wise.

Thanks for the details. I was going for the cheap joke that I don't think most teenagers favorite thing is to please someone else. Though I do think that has a lot to do with the re-wiring that goes on in a teenagers brain.

wikkidpissah · May 12, 2017

Bull Dozier said:
Thanks for the details. I was going for the cheap joke that I don't think most teenagers favorite thing is to please someone else. Though I do think that has a lot to do with the re-wiring that goes on in a teenagers brain.

Got the joke. Just a bit of a zealot on the point.

And, as i said in my OP, that teens don't do it is because they think they can't and avoiding embarrassment becomes the abiding motive, but you're no longer human if pleasing others isn't a favorite function, no matter how disinclined to try one becomes.

El Floppo · May 12, 2017

such true words, chief- thanks for sharing and reminding all of us dads that we can always do better. way too easy to let your evening devolve into private pursuits or worse- yelling, frustration, etc as you described. doesn't take much to make the time the family positive and quality.

makes me realize it goes towards the world at large...

this morning on my daily commute with the kids (5 and 9) to school on the NYC subway, we were all in head-down mode in our own thoughts. there's usually the same people waiting at our stop, including a middle-aged guy who I think has some psychological or emotional issues- waits right next to us, pacing back and forth in the middle of the platform (not towards the edge) with headphones... think of the mary's franks&beans big-brother for an image. usually pushes past people when the train arrives to try to get a seat... so I feel like I'm always fighting (tacitly) the guy so that my 5yo can sit. this morning while waiting, she sneezed. franks&beans offers a big "bless you!"- I look up with a smile to say thanks and he's grinning like the cheshire cat- never seen him smile. a moment of consideration, a smile, a nod, and the whole dynamic changes.

Chapelboy · May 12, 2017

ChiefD said:
I remember when my children were first born. As they grew, they looked at me for everything. The smile on their faces when I came home at night after work meant everything. They did not care what kind of day I had. They just needed me. And the smile I gave them back. And the time I gave them.

I forgot that. Fast forward 11 years, and as the stress of life takes over, things change. You worry about work, and money, and the future, and the kids school, and how they act, and all the little things that drive you absolutely insane. Some days are good and I can be a normal guy, but a lot of days include myself and mom snapping at the kids, letting every little behavior turn into an argument, and not even realizing that these little blow ups turn into life changing mind-sets.

I forgot my kids need smiles. And they need their daddy to be a supporter more often than not, and to encourage them. I pride myself on being a good dad, but recently I've come to the realization I need to be better.

But I have also come to the realization that all the little things affect me and my wife WAY more than they need to. Kids are kids. They do things that drive you nuts. But tonight when I played catch with my 2 boys and laughed at my daughters silly jokes I knew I hadn't done enough of that lately. And that will change.

this is what it's all about. I am working like a dog this morning but all i can think about is getting home to my 6 yr old daughter and watching her ride her new Razor.

Clown Car · May 12, 2017

Leroy Hoard said:
You have a great neighbor. Get the quality pool time without all the related hassles.

Oh I know it. I'm hyper sensitive to them doing anything to yuck up the place. I'm looking for ways to help or make it better. Can't make it better. It's great. But there are a couple weeds poking up in the cracks in the pool deck so I pull those. The screen is loose on the bathroom door so I'm going to have my husband replace it while she's away next week.

Ned · May 12, 2017

beer 30 said:
Feeler

Courtjester · May 12, 2017

Man, such true words Chief.

You need to enjoy every minute you can. I have two daughters. My youngest, who is about to turn 13 here, is the most caring, kind kid you will ever find. Just the most bubbly, happy kid. But in the past three months, you can just see the teenage personality creep coming--all of a sudden there's snappy comebacks and the need for friend time vs parent time. It hurts.

Her sister (who is 17) was the exact same way and has been a bear for the past four years, but now she is facing going off to college here in 3 months and she is reverting backwards. Lots of I love you's and hugs for her mom and I as she sees the impending train coming down the tracks. She graduates two weeks from today and I can still remember her birth like it was yesterday. :(

skol asylum · May 12, 2017

ChiefD said:
I remember when my children were first born. As they grew, they looked at me for everything. The smile on their faces when I came home at night after work meant everything. They did not care what kind of day I had. They just needed me. And the smile I gave them back. And the time I gave them.

I forgot that. Fast forward 11 years, and as the stress of life takes over, things change. You worry about work, and money, and the future, and the kids school, and how they act, and all the little things that drive you absolutely insane. Some days are good and I can be a normal guy, but a lot of days include myself and mom snapping at the kids, letting every little behavior turn into an argument, and not even realizing that these little blow ups turn into life changing mind-sets.

I forgot my kids need smiles. And they need their daddy to be a supporter more often than not, and to encourage them. I pride myself on being a good dad, but recently I've come to the realization I need to be better.

But I have also come to the realization that all the little things affect me and my wife WAY more than they need to. Kids are kids. They do things that drive you nuts. But tonight when I played catch with my 2 boys and laughed at my daughters silly jokes I knew I hadn't done enough of that lately. And that will change.

Thanks for making it dusty in here Chief.

Angry Beavers · May 12, 2017

You are 100% right. It seems like yesterday, my son was born. He's now 16 and has his own friends, can drive himself, doesn't need dad nearly as much etc. Glad I made a career choice when he was 2 to switch gears so I could spend more time with him. I wouldn't trade that decision for anything.

SFBayDuck · May 12, 2017

Angry Beavers said:
You are 100% right. It seems like yesterday, my son was born. He's now 16 and has his own friends, can drive himself, doesn't need dad nearly as much etc. Glad I made a career choice when he was 2 to switch gears so I could spend more time with him. I wouldn't trade that decision for anything.

Similar, although in my case it's been turning down higher paying opportunities that would have required commuting (I work from home) or more travel. I've always thought I might make that move when my now 8th grader gets to high school and she'll be so busy and won't need ole' dad around as much. But with only one child and divorced with 50% custody, I wanted to be able to spend as much time as possible with her - take her to and from school, coach her basketball teams, help with homework, have family dinners, all that stuff. And there is still nothing like picking her up from school and her talking about her day all the way home.

I Forgot Something (1 Viewer)

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