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Joe Bryant

Suicide Prevention

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I'm sure this is honda but wanted to call this out. 

Wrote about it in this Week's Random Shots.

Quote

 

Real Talk.

Dak Prescott shared some personal struggles this summer. That's tough and it takes strength.

Hayden Hurst with a nice word after the game Sunday.

https://twitter.com/espn/status/1308544749394161665?s=20

Prescott did the big thing opening up and being honest. But don't overlook Hurst here. When you see something good, call it out. Encourage that other person. They can't read your mind. Most all the time, you have to use your words. Use them for good.

I've said it before and I'll keep saying it. If you or someone you know struggles with the idea of suicide, talk to someone. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is open 24 hours a day at 800-273-8255. Don't keep it to yourself. Talk to them, talk to someone. Email me at bryant@footballguys.com if you don't have anyone. Just don't keep it to yourself.

 

 

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My sister had a scare a couple months ago.  She cited the pandemic and politics really wearing her down.  It's a tough time for everyone and, despite our differences, it's best to have some empathy for what others might be going through.   

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22 minutes ago, AndrewClark said:

I attempted...

Thanks for sharing.  That was pretty brave of you.  

Edited by Captain Cranks
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Thanks Andrew

This needs to be talked about more.  My coworkers good buddy (mid 30's) hung himself over Labor Day weekend.  Coworker was completely blindsided, non of their circle of friends had any idea.  This guy was single, but had a girlfriend, and making good bank.  No note but his family said he was really depressed with the pandemic.  Guy was always going to concerts, games and other activities like softball (played with him on a few teams) and volleyball leagues.  All his "outlets" were gone.  I feel like this is only going to get worse.  Winter is right around the corner with less outlets and the pandemic dragging on and on I feel we'll be seeing an even bigger rise in suicides. 

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24 minutes ago, Pipes said:

Thanks Andrew

This needs to be talked about more.  My coworkers good buddy (mid 30's) hung himself over Labor Day weekend.  Coworker was completely blindsided, non of their circle of friends had any idea.  This guy was single, but had a girlfriend, and making good bank.  No note but his family said he was really depressed with the pandemic.  Guy was always going to concerts, games and other activities like softball (played with him on a few teams) and volleyball leagues.  All his "outlets" were gone.  I feel like this is only going to get worse.  Winter is right around the corner with less outlets and the pandemic dragging on and on I feel we'll be seeing an even bigger rise in suicides. 

I think you put this better than I did and I really appreciate it. I guess I was too subtle about being succesful in life and having wanderlust/being active and outwardly happy. For every destitute poor soul hooked on drugs there is an Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade. 

None of my success in life mattered in those moments. None of it. I just need to talk to someone. That's it, you could take my house, my car and all my money because zero of that mattered to me in those 2 moments. 

I just needed to talk. Thank you for putting it more directly than I could. Also remember, I felt for a long time I did NOT want to talk because I felt like a burden to other people especially my closest friends . I didn't want them to have to worry about my manic episode when they had their own crap to deal with. And that is exactly why, having someone you hardly know to talk to was soooooo important to me. I didn't want to call a family member or friend because I didn't want to burden them. That is why we sometimes just need a stranger to talk to.  

Edited by AndrewClark
Bolded the important points
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Also thank you to @Joe Bryant for allowing this to take place here in your site. You are a gracious man and I'm privileged to be able to tell my story here. 

Edited by AndrewClark
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Thanks @AndrewClark for sharing. As you're well aware, that "don't keep it to yourself" line is not something I casually throw in there. I think it's the most important thing. 

We don't have to do this alone. And you make a great point, it doesn't have to be like a super close contact often times.

We can be in this thing together. 

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3 hours ago, AndrewClark said:

I think you put this better than I did and I really appreciate it. I guess I was too subtle about being succesful in life and having wanderlust/being active and outwardly happy. For every destitute poor soul hooked on drugs there is an Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade. 

None of my success in life mattered in those moments. None of it. I just need to talk to someone. That's it, you could take my house, my car and all my money because zero of that mattered to me in those 2 moments. 

I just needed to talk. Thank you for putting it more directly than I could. Also remember, I felt for a long time I did NOT want to talk because I felt like a burden to other people especially my closest friends . I didn't want them to have to worry about my manic episode when they had their own crap to deal with. And that is exactly why, having someone you hardly know to talk to was soooooo important to me. I didn't want to call a family member or friend because I didn't want to burden them. That is why we sometimes just need a stranger to talk to.  

Glad you found someone to talk to. 

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On a bigger picture, this is why I hate the divisive talk on a forum and why we ask people to be more cool.

We're in this thing together. Please people, I'm begging you, please be more cool to each other. 

 

 

Edited by Joe Bryant
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My uncle killed himself in 2004. You can read about it below.

https://nypost.com/2004/12/30/cop-hq-suicide-inspector-was-under-probe-in-moonlighting-rip-off/

To this day I remember getting that call (as I had just landed in New Orleans for NYE). It hurt then. It hurts now. I was close to him and I just wish I knew he was in pain and could have talked to him. As noted he didn't leave a note or reasoning, but I have my suspicions and just wished he could have picked up the phone or grabbed a beer with him.

I've also had some pretty dark moments pre and post my uncle (learned a lot about not hitting rock bottom). Talk it out. Find your release (ie its wilderness hiking for me). Stay away from alcohol during those moments. They can be fleeting and just blips on this thing we call life.

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This is something I struggle with on almost a daily basis and have for years.  I’ve moved to Philly two months ago with no connections to anyone and am already very introverted to begin with so the loneliness and depression just nudges at me every day.

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14 hours ago, Captain Cranks said:

Thanks for sharing.  That was pretty brave of you.  

I don’t know if you meant sharing the story was brave, or reaching out to a stranger was brave, but I’m chiming in to say they both were.  Admirable in both instances.  I’m glad you did them both, Andrew.

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6 hours ago, krista4 said:

I don’t know if you meant sharing the story was brave, or reaching out to a stranger was brave, but I’m chiming in to say they both were.  Admirable in both instances.  I’m glad you did them both, Andrew.

For many, posting about it on an anonymous message board is easier than talking to trusted people in your everyday life.  

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1 hour ago, FairWarning said:

For many, posting about it on an anonymous message board is easier than talking to trusted people in your everyday life.  

Agreed. For all the reasons I dislike the anonymous part of the boards, this is a big reason why it's a plus. 

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Thanks for sharing @AndrewClark  All of this hits close to home for a number of reasons including battling my own demons. I am glad you chose to share and find someone. I would willingly be that someone for anyone, anytime if that is what it took to keep someone safe.  Stay safe! 

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I've struggled personally in the past to the point of thinking about how I would do it, but thankfully never went beyond that.

Had a friend's son and a cousin's son commit suicide in the past year.  Both were devastating, blindsiding deaths that no one saw coming.

For all of the BLM and women's groups out there (which are good things), the suicide rate is substantially higher among white men than any other demographic. 

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On 9/24/2020 at 11:04 AM, AndrewClark said:

I attempted suicide about 4 months ago now. 

I went through a brutal divorce. One that completely blindsided me due to her infidelity. I was in therapy and medicated for the past 2 years just to help mask a lot of pain. 

I retired in February at a younger age (37) with the dream of seeing the rest of the world. I had an open ended ticket booked starting in Sweden. About a week into my trip, I was ordered by the President to basically come home or face uncertain reentry into the US. So for the past 6 months, I sit here, doing nothing, in my house with no ability to socialize or volunteer or even find work again due to unemployment. It began to fester... 

I hit the bottle hard and began lashing out at people for no reason. Saying words that were hurtful. 

I'm going to tell you this next part, but I really hope you folks will not judge me for it. One night I use a slur for a gay person after struggling with some family issues. That being: my youngest brother (who is gay) is being pressured/bullied by our other brother and father about it. That younger brother recently attempted suicide also. 

I don't know why I used the word. I am and was extremely pro LGBTQ rights. I thought it was funny in the context? I was drunk? it's not funny and it had never come out of my mouth before. I felt so ashamed by it (it was in front of 7 close friends) I took a bottle of one of my prescriptions in hopes not to wake up the next morning out of shame. Turns out I just slept for 3 days and only was woken up when my dog knew something was seriously wrong. 

Anyway, I completed 30 days of inpatient care for mental health which really turned things around. I avoided alcohol completely (90 days without it), said my apologies and got back to a good spot where I feel like I've never been happier. 

Why am I saying this? There was a moment before this where I was also contemplating ending it in a more violent and assured way and none of my network was available to talk and I needed to talk immediately. I went to my 4th and 5th option. It got to the point where I just needed someone on the phone (I live alone). I got someone on the phone and it literally saved my life. Someone I'd never talked to before. I remember just sitting in my car for hours with a weapon, bawling and listening to George Harrison on repeat. Then I remember getting the call from the person in the knick of time. That call saved my life. I only know her through the internet. That's it, I found her Facebook and asked for 10 mins of her time and said it was an emergency. I'll never forget that call. 

If anyone ever feels that way, reach out to me. I don't mind being a 6th option. Thanks for reading my story and also sorry to anyone here I may have said something to that bothered them. I stand humbled and a different person. 

If you ever feel that way again you can reach out to me

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On 9/24/2020 at 10:04 AM, AndrewClark said:

I attempted suicide about 4 months ago now. 

...

That took guts to share all of that. Feel free to pm me any time you want to chat. 

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I attempted suicide back in 2014.  Documented here.  A big factor was BCBS stopped paying for my antidepressants and so I was trying to stretch them out.  Taking an insufficient dosage for several weeks brought me to a really low point.  Since then, things have been.... OK.  Not great, not terrible.  But ok.  

Feel free to PM me if you need to talk to someone. 

Edited by johnnycakes
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17 hours ago, CowboyFan4822 said:

This is something I struggle with on almost a daily basis and have for years.  I’ve moved to Philly two months ago with no connections to anyone and am already very introverted to begin with so the loneliness and depression just nudges at me every day.

let me know if you need any recommendations on anything in the area.  i see this account just registered so not sure if this is an alias or what, but feel free to holler.

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My dad committed suicide when I was 15. He was into some bad things and things were falling down around him.

He was in a cab, shot the cab driver, shot his partner in crime, and turned the gun on himself. It was pretty tough at the time - it made headlines in all the local papers for three days and was all over the news. Makes it pretty tough to go back to high school. Things fell apart with my mom and me, and I ended up moving out when I was 17 and just starting my senior year. We didn't talk for five years, and I worked a bunch of odd jobs during that time just trying to stay afloat. Luckily I decided to go to college and repaired things with my mom and things are pretty good now, but still not quite right.

It stays with me to this day. The knock on the door at 6 AM from the police letting us know what happened. The feeling of emptiness knowing I would never see him again. The sadness I often have had throughout my adult life when i just wanted advice from him. Knowing I'll never be able to sit in the back yard and have a beer with him while his grandkids play. It just sucks.

Suicide affects so many people - forever. If you're struggling, please get help. 

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I'd like to give a kudos to everyone who shared their stories. I'd also like to say that anyone who can lend a kind word or encouraging voice can be so helpful in times of duress. I thankfully have never felt this way, but I've hurt enough to know that a kind word or two helps greatly in seemingly desperate moments. This is why it behooves us to treat others with kindness first -- you never know what the other person is going through or how severe it is.

The "random acts of kindness" movement is wonderful for this reason. I'd amend it to "reasoned acts of random kindness" because all of us, being human, can sometimes tell when someone is going through a rough time and can be instrumental in getting that person back from the depths to the circle of life. 

And regarding the OP: Hayden Hurst admitted that he was suicidal earlier in his life earlier this year. He spoke about it earlier than even Dak did, so it's no surprise he had his back. Hopefully those two can put a dent in the facade (and it is a facade) of absolutist mental toughness and reflexive refusal to see human frailty that dominates the NFL.

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23 hours ago, FairWarning said:

For many, posting about it on an anonymous message board is easier than talking to trusted people in your everyday life.  

100 percent. 

The big reason I got so deep into those thoughts was because I didn't want to "burden my friends or family". I know it's irrational as a thought and I know they would be there for me. 

When my cousin/best friend found out he was so disappointed and just kept asking "why didn't you talk to me?". My cousin is married w 2 kids. I'm a lifelong introverted bookworm who enjoys living alone. He has his own problems. 

You just don't want to be that guy everyone has to worry about when you feel that low if that makes any sense. 

Anyway, thank you all for the kind words and cool support because, damn, that felt good to tell people about. 

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4 hours ago, AndrewClark said:

100 percent. 

The big reason I got so deep into those thoughts was because I didn't want to "burden my friends or family". I know it's irrational as a thought and I know they would be there for me. 

When my cousin/best friend found out he was so disappointed and just kept asking "why didn't you talk to me?". My cousin is married w 2 kids. I'm a lifelong introverted bookworm who enjoys living alone. He has his own problems. 

You just don't want to be that guy everyone has to worry about when you feel that low if that makes any sense. 

Anyway, thank you all for the kind words and cool support because, damn, that felt good to tell people about. 

Totally get that @AndrewClark  It doesn't make "sense" as you said but I totally get how that happens. A big part of that as I understand it too is people not feeling like anyone cares enough to be bothered. Which is almost always never true. But that's what it can feel like.

It's why I just keep pushing on this idea of not keeping it to yourself. Let's keep hammering on that. 

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I wil never forget our first summer in the home we still live in.  My kids were young and we did not know anyone.  There was a young man around 20 who would walk his black Lab pup by our home and my kids would pet the dog and he was the nicest kid.

About a month passes and I see 2-3 police cars and an ambulance down the street at his parents home.  They are there well over an hour, then a coroners van pulls over and I am thinking this is bad.    Find out the young man went upstairs and shot himself in the head, left no note, no nothing.

Over the years we became friends with his mom and dad who were 20 years older than us.  The mom is the most gentle, kind person.  One day we were talking and she brouhgt it up as her son would have been in his 40s now and she wondered if he would have been married and had children and how his life would have turned out.

I just listened because I had no idea what even to begin to say.  Then she said it has been over 20 years and not one single day goes past without us askling why?  Why did he do this?  She said every night when she goes to bed that is what she and her husband thinks about.  The fact that they stayed in the home makes me wonder if that was the right decision as I would move right away.

The tragic thing is for the person who does this act their pain ends, but the lifelong pain for the loved ones they leave behind just begins.   So sad for all involved.

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I haven't thought about this memory in a LONG time.  I was about 12, my dad was in rough spot of losing his job, his eye sight, and a bunch of stuff.  I vividly remember today, just like it was happening right now, crawling under the dining room table and talking him out of taking his life with a knife.  Suicide sucks.  He ended up living to be 80, cancer sucks too.

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To everyone who has shared...thank you so much.

 

When we own our narrative, that which can enslave us and have us living in shame becomes something powerful that helps others. Your desperation becomes someone else’s inspiration.

Much love to everyone doing their part here.

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So much courage and understanding shown in this thread. If anyone would like to add me to their Rolodex in case they need someone to talk to in a tough moment, send me a DM. 

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9 hours ago, AndrewClark said:

100 percent. 

The big reason I got so deep into those thoughts was because I didn't want to "burden my friends or family". I know it's irrational as a thought and I know they would be there for me. 

When my cousin/best friend found out he was so disappointed and just kept asking "why didn't you talk to me?". My cousin is married w 2 kids. I'm a lifelong introverted bookworm who enjoys living alone. He has his own problems. 

You just don't want to be that guy everyone has to worry about when you feel that low if that makes any sense. 

Anyway, thank you all for the kind words and cool support because, damn, that felt good to tell people about. 

I'm in a small town (one stoplight) and everyone knows everyone's business.  You tell someone you confide in, then you wonder who they have told every time you see them.  

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On 9/24/2020 at 5:07 PM, EZD222 said:

My uncle killed himself in 2004. You can read about it below.

https://nypost.com/2004/12/30/cop-hq-suicide-inspector-was-under-probe-in-moonlighting-rip-off/

To this day I remember getting that call (as I had just landed in New Orleans for NYE). It hurt then. It hurts now. I was close to him and I just wish I knew he was in pain and could have talked to him. As noted he didn't leave a note or reasoning, but I have my suspicions and just wished he could have picked up the phone or grabbed a beer with him.

I've also had some pretty dark moments pre and post my uncle (learned a lot about not hitting rock bottom). Talk it out. Find your release (ie its wilderness hiking for me). Stay away from alcohol during those moments. They can be fleeting and just blips on this thing we call life.

My uncle also took his own life. He was an alcoholic that drank to deal with his mental pain. Then the excessive drinking caused him unbearable physical pain. Between Christmas and New Years one year, he went out to the garage, started his car and rolled down the windows with the garage door closed. My Aunt is in denial and says he was drunk and passed out in the car. About 6 months prior to this, I was home visiting my family and I would always make a point of visiting my Uncle. He commented about how lucky I was to have my wife and two sons and that I deserved these riches in life. He thanked me for always having time to talk and visit with him. I wish I had spoken to him about the pain he was in and not just the superficial stuff we used to chat about like sports, politics, etc. But, I'm not sure I would have known the right things to say.

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Earlier this year one of my friends that I haven't spoke to in a while had his 17 year old son commit suicide. The boy was a star athlete (football and basketball), great student and one of the most popular kids at school. They had a funeral earlier this year and had to stream the video online due to COVID restrictions. I just remember seeing the devastation on the faces of the Mother, Father and two sisters. I hugged my sons a little longer and harder when I got home from work that day.

Edited by northern exposure
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On 9/25/2020 at 12:01 PM, Dan Lambskin said:

If you ever feel that way again you can reach out to me

I have your number and I promise I will. Thank you Dan

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On 9/25/2020 at 11:42 AM, Angry Beavers said:

Thanks for sharing @AndrewClark  All of this hits close to home for a number of reasons including battling my own demons. I am glad you chose to share and find someone. I would willingly be that someone for anyone, anytime if that is what it took to keep someone safe.  Stay safe! 

Call me if you need me AB. You know me, and I'm happy to provide my number if nothing more than to text with. 

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On 9/26/2020 at 4:14 PM, FairWarning said:

I'm in a small town (one stoplight) and everyone knows everyone's business.  You tell someone you confide in, then you wonder who they have told every time you see them.  

Same town. 1 stoplight. Moved to a city post divorce and felt more alone than ever. But I'd never confide in anyone from there because it would be the talk of the town. I get it. I'm here for you if you ever need to shoot the s**t

Edited by AndrewClark
Grammar

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15 hours ago, AndrewClark said:

Call me if you need me AB. You know me, and I'm happy to provide my number if nothing more than to text with. 

Likewise my friend! 

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