2nd daughter issue in a year (1 Viewer)

[humpback]

The guy was probably drunk and being an idiot. However, I would call him up, tell him what your daughter told you, and warn him that it was inappropriate and that such behavior can't be tolerated. Most likely he'll either apologize or claim she misheard him.

Then I would sit down with my daughter, and explain that there's a lot of guys out there, no matter what age, who act like inappropriate #######s, and she's going to have to decide, given the specific situation, whether it's best to ignore a remark or call somebody out on it.

This seems like solid advice to me

Meh, I'd want to know what actually happened before confronting him on it.

I disagree. If I were the guy that is accused of saying something, and the girl got it wrong, I would be pissed off if the girl's dad started asking my buddies about it rather than asking me directly first. That is sure to create bad feelings no matter what the truth of the matter.

You go directly to the source. You don't have to "confront" him- just tell him very nicely what your daughter thought she heard and ask what happened. If he denies it, and doesn't seem credible to you, then you can ask around if you want.

Unlike you, I'm not talking about going in guns blazing. I asked if he was friends with any of the other adults, and then he could ask them if they heard anything.

Your second paragraph is different from what you said originally- you said to tell him what your daughter said and that it's inappropriate and can't be tolerated. I'd be a heck of a lot more pissed if you called me up and said that (assuming it didn't happen, of course). But if you disagree, I feel even more comfortable with my position.

 

[Dan Lambskin]

Maybe he thought she was 13

 

[quickhands]

Are you friends with any of the other adults who were there? Either way I'd reach out to one of them, see what their version of events is. If any of them back up your daughter, then a stern conversation is warranted, and I wouldn't allow my daughter to be around him again anytime soon. The girls can hang out at your place, other friends houses, or school.

As far as friends. No not really. It's a weird little clique. I'm happy to be an outsider. It's part of the reason I wasn't at the bar. One on one I'm cool with all the guys. The wives are quite a treat unto themselves. But I think both men would cover for him.So I've decided after discussing it with my wife I don't really have a way to do this without putting my daughter in a really uncomfortable position.

I told her she isn't going around him or sleeping over if he's in the country. The guys just on my watch list.

Thanks guys.

and if this guy is indeed a child predator you would be potentially morally at fault for any damage he has done to other girls because you now know there is something wrong with him.

He didn't put his hands on her. I can't control the world I'll protect mine and when he's around I'll watch him...but I don't think I'll see him much anymore.

Hey you know who else thought like that ? Joe Paterno

Well I this guy isn't my wingman. If he was my position wouldn't "be how do I handle it?"

A buddy of mine would never be my buddy if he could say this ####. About my wife, yea I wouldn't like it depending on the context. But my daughter, no.

The hang up isn't my relationship with him. It's my daughter's with his daughters.

Thanks for the input though.

 

[humpback]

Are you friends with any of the other adults who were there? Either way I'd reach out to one of them, see what their version of events is. If any of them back up your daughter, then a stern conversation is warranted, and I wouldn't allow my daughter to be around him again anytime soon. The girls can hang out at your place, other friends houses, or school.

As far as friends. No not really. It's a weird little clique. I'm happy to be an outsider. It's part of the reason I wasn't at the bar. One on one I'm cool with all the guys. The wives are quite a treat unto themselves. But I think both men would cover for him.

So I've decided after discussing it with my wife I don't really have a way to do this without putting my daughter in a really uncomfortable position.

I told her she isn't going around him or sleeping over if he's in the country. The guys just on my watch list.

Thanks guys.

Yeah, that's really tough. Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[flapgreen]

Beat... His... ###!

 

[Gr00vus]

I think just doing your best to keep your daughter out of situations where he's around is the move. You could think about extending that a bit to keeping her out of all/most situations where all the "adults" who are supposed to be supervising are inebriated.

 

[Maik Jeaunz]

I'm thinking miscommunication, there's no way that other adults would let that fly.

maybe he was taking a sarcastic jab at his wife, like motioning to her in front of the other adults saying "maybe if she was straight she's #### me."

a 12 year old probably wouldn't pick up on the subtlety of that.

 

[Foosball God]

Are you friends with any of the other adults who were there? Either way I'd reach out to one of them, see what their version of events is. If any of them back up your daughter, then a stern conversation is warranted, and I wouldn't allow my daughter to be around him again anytime soon. The girls can hang out at your place, other friends houses, or school.

As far as friends. No not really. It's a weird little clique. I'm happy to be an outsider. It's part of the reason I wasn't at the bar. One on one I'm cool with all the guys. The wives are quite a treat unto themselves. But I think both men would cover for him.

So I've decided after discussing it with my wife I don't really have a way to do this without putting my daughter in a really uncomfortable position.

I told her she isn't going around him or sleeping over if he's in the country. The guys just on my watch list.

Thanks guys.

You think both guys would cover for him saying your 12 year old daughter would want to #### him? If you think that low of all of those guys why on earth would you let your daughter be anywhere near them without you there?

 

[PatsWillWin]

Are you friends with any of the other adults who were there? Either way I'd reach out to one of them, see what their version of events is. If any of them back up your daughter, then a stern conversation is warranted, and I wouldn't allow my daughter to be around him again anytime soon. The girls can hang out at your place, other friends houses, or school.

As far as friends. No not really. It's a weird little clique. I'm happy to be an outsider. It's part of the reason I wasn't at the bar. One on one I'm cool with all the guys. The wives are quite a treat unto themselves. But I think both men would cover for him.

So I've decided after discussing it with my wife I don't really have a way to do this without putting my daughter in a really uncomfortable position.

I told her she isn't going around him or sleeping over if he's in the country. The guys just on my watch list.

Thanks guys.

You think both guys would cover for him saying your 12 year old daughter would want to #### him? If you think that low of all of those guys why on earth would you let your daughter be anywhere near them without you there?

Yeah, this. If this "clique" thinks that you should "cover" for a guy saying that about a 12 year old girl, then it's not a group that I want myself or my kids participating in at all. The girls (your daughters friends) can come by your house or go to the movies or whatever, but no more going over to the other houses IMO.

 

[PatsWillWin]

The guy was probably drunk and being an idiot. However, I would call him up, tell him what your daughter told you, and warn him that it was inappropriate and that such behavior can't be tolerated. Most likely he'll either apologize or claim she misheard him.

Then I would sit down with my daughter, and explain that there's a lot of guys out there, no matter what age, who act like inappropriate #######s, and she's going to have to decide, given the specific situation, whether it's best to ignore a remark or call somebody out on it.

Mostly agree with this but for the last--at 12 I'm not sure I want my little girl getting confrontational with a drunken jerk. I want that for myself.

This:

I would knock on his door and have a conversation. The result of the conversation depends completely on what the guy says.

...Depending on this:

Ask him and the other parents what was said.

I wouldn't want that either. But I think it's important to let your daughter know, (especially if she's physically attractive and/or mature for her age), that there's going to be a lot of real jerks out there.

I think it's okay to give this talk to young girls that you may not find physically attractive, Tim.

 

[flapgreen]

 

[quickhands]

Are you friends with any of the other adults who were there? Either way I'd reach out to one of them, see what their version of events is. If any of them back up your daughter, then a stern conversation is warranted, and I wouldn't allow my daughter to be around him again anytime soon. The girls can hang out at your place, other friends houses, or school.

As far as friends. No not really. It's a weird little clique. I'm happy to be an outsider. It's part of the reason I wasn't at the bar. One on one I'm cool with all the guys. The wives are quite a treat unto themselves. But I think both men would cover for him.So I've decided after discussing it with my wife I don't really have a way to do this without putting my daughter in a really uncomfortable position.

I told her she isn't going around him or sleeping over if he's in the country. The guys just on my watch list.

Thanks guys.

You think both guys would cover for him saying your 12 year old daughter would want to #### him? If you think that low of all of those guys why on earth would you let your daughter be anywhere near them without you there?

Good point. But prior to this I thought he was a decent guy.

And I asked my daughter what the adults did and she said they just laughed. Massive downgrade to all of them. If they wouldn't say something then, why do I think they would stand up now.

Nice to know, actually.

 

[Todd Andrews]

The guy was probably drunk and being an idiot. However, I would call him up, tell him what your daughter told you, and warn him that it was inappropriate and that such behavior can't be tolerated. Most likely he'll either apologize or claim she misheard him.

Then I would sit down with my daughter, and explain that there's a lot of guys out there, no matter what age, who act like inappropriate #######s, and she's going to have to decide, given the specific situation, whether it's best to ignore a remark or call somebody out on it.

Mostly agree with this but for the last--at 12 I'm not sure I want my little girl getting confrontational with a drunken jerk. I want that for myself.

This:

I would knock on his door and have a conversation. The result of the conversation depends completely on what the guy says.

...Depending on this:

Ask him and the other parents what was said.

I wouldn't want that either. But I think it's important to let your daughter know, (especially if she's physically attractive and/or mature for her age), that there's going to be a lot of real jerks out there.

I think it's okay to give this talk to young girls that you may not find physically attractive, Tim.

Thank you for making sure Tim is clear on which girls to give the talk to, including the ones who are "mature for her age."

 

[flapgreen]

Are you friends with any of the other adults who were there? Either way I'd reach out to one of them, see what their version of events is. If any of them back up your daughter, then a stern conversation is warranted, and I wouldn't allow my daughter to be around him again anytime soon. The girls can hang out at your place, other friends houses, or school.

As far as friends. No not really. It's a weird little clique. I'm happy to be an outsider. It's part of the reason I wasn't at the bar. One on one I'm cool with all the guys. The wives are quite a treat unto themselves. But I think both men would cover for him.So I've decided after discussing it with my wife I don't really have a way to do this without putting my daughter in a really uncomfortable position.

I told her she isn't going around him or sleeping over if he's in the country. The guys just on my watch list.

Thanks guys.

You think both guys would cover for him saying your 12 year old daughter would want to #### him? If you think that low of all of those guys why on earth would you let your daughter be anywhere near them without you there?

Good point. But prior to this I thought he was a decent guy.And I asked my daughter what the adults did and she said they just laughed. Massive downgrade to all of them. If they wouldn't say something then, why do I think they would stand up now.

Nice to know, actually.

I've been around some ####ty people but never any couples that would tolerate that.

 

[Insein]

Theres no way any rational adult would hear a person say that phrase about anyones daughter (whether they were 12 or 32) and not be more than a little uncomfortable. She had to have misheard him.

 

[Gordang]

Are you friends with any of the other adults who were there? Either way I'd reach out to one of them, see what their version of events is. If any of them back up your daughter, then a stern conversation is warranted, and I wouldn't allow my daughter to be around him again anytime soon. The girls can hang out at your place, other friends houses, or school.

As far as friends. No not really. It's a weird little clique. I'm happy to be an outsider. It's part of the reason I wasn't at the bar. One on one I'm cool with all the guys. The wives are quite a treat unto themselves. But I think both men would cover for him.So I've decided after discussing it with my wife I don't really have a way to do this without putting my daughter in a really uncomfortable position.

I told her she isn't going around him or sleeping over if he's in the country. The guys just on my watch list.

Thanks guys.

You think both guys would cover for him saying your 12 year old daughter would want to #### him? If you think that low of all of those guys why on earth would you let your daughter be anywhere near them without you there?

Good point. But prior to this I thought he was a decent guy.

And I asked my daughter what the adults did and she said they just laughed. Massive downgrade to all of them. If they wouldn't say something then, why do I think they would stand up now.

Nice to know, actually.

You are making a lot of opinions about these people you haven't even talked to, strange. Try talking it out with them first then make your opinion, don't be scared to confront people, especially when it comes in defense of your daughter. How do you think you appear to your daughter to let this happen to her without doing anything ? That is the type of stuff she keeps with her for life and tells a therapist one day when she is 40 years old

 

[Insein]

Are you friends with any of the other adults who were there? Either way I'd reach out to one of them, see what their version of events is. If any of them back up your daughter, then a stern conversation is warranted, and I wouldn't allow my daughter to be around him again anytime soon. The girls can hang out at your place, other friends houses, or school.

As far as friends. No not really. It's a weird little clique. I'm happy to be an outsider. It's part of the reason I wasn't at the bar. One on one I'm cool with all the guys. The wives are quite a treat unto themselves. But I think both men would cover for him.So I've decided after discussing it with my wife I don't really have a way to do this without putting my daughter in a really uncomfortable position.

I told her she isn't going around him or sleeping over if he's in the country. The guys just on my watch list.

Thanks guys.

You think both guys would cover for him saying your 12 year old daughter would want to #### him? If you think that low of all of those guys why on earth would you let your daughter be anywhere near them without you there?

Good point. But prior to this I thought he was a decent guy.

And I asked my daughter what the adults did and she said they just laughed. Massive downgrade to all of them. If they wouldn't say something then, why do I think they would stand up now.

Nice to know, actually.

Nice to know what? You have no idea what happened except that your daughter thought she heard her friend's dad say she would #### him. That's something that needs clarification if it was my best friend or worst enemy. It would eat at me till it's resolved.

If he tries to lie, you should be able to tell.

 

[Dragons]

I'm thinking miscommunication, there's no way that other adults would let that fly.

maybe he was taking a sarcastic jab at his wife, like motioning to her in front of the other adults saying "maybe if she was straight she's #### me."

a 12 year old probably wouldn't pick up on the subtlety of that.

This makes far more sense.

 

[cubsmac]

Context is everything...

To play devil's advocate.... maybe hearing the word 'straight' reminded them of an inside joke from a trip to Vegas where that line was said, thus it had literally nothing to do with your daughter.

 

[Eviloutsider]

Would like to hear about incident number one as well.

 

[Sabertooth]

The guy was probably drunk and being an idiot. However, I would call him up, tell him what your daughter told you, and warn him that it was inappropriate and that such behavior can't be tolerated. Most likely he'll either apologize or claim she misheard him.

Then I would sit down with my daughter, and explain that there's a lot of guys out there, no matter what age, who act like inappropriate #######s, and she's going to have to decide, given the specific situation, whether it's best to ignore a remark or call somebody out on it.

I wouldn't call him. I'd stop over and talk to him in person. Calling is kind of cowardly.

 

[ClownCausedChaos2]

I'm so glad I have two boys.

I'm so glad I have two boys.

I'm so glad I have two boys.

 

[Cjw_55106]

Three pages and no one has stated the obvious? I'd march to his house promptly at 8am and start mowing his lawn.

 

[Abraham]

Not sure why this is so difficult.

- call him

- hey, I needed to ask you about something

- report back with results.

 

[ChiefD]

Three pages and no one has stated the obvious? I'd march to his house promptly at 8am and start mowing his lawn.

Then, poop on it.

 

[Insein]

Not sure why this is so difficult.

- call him

- hey, I needed to ask you about something

- report back with results.

That doesnt make for a good thread.

 

[stbugs]

Are you friends with any of the other adults who were there? Either way I'd reach out to one of them, see what their version of events is. If any of them back up your daughter, then a stern conversation is warranted, and I wouldn't allow my daughter to be around him again anytime soon. The girls can hang out at your place, other friends houses, or school.

As far as friends. No not really. It's a weird little clique. I'm happy to be an outsider. It's part of the reason I wasn't at the bar. One on one I'm cool with all the guys. The wives are quite a treat unto themselves. But I think both men would cover for him.So I've decided after discussing it with my wife I don't really have a way to do this without putting my daughter in a really uncomfortable position.

I told her she isn't going around him or sleeping over if he's in the country. The guys just on my watch list.

Thanks guys.

You think both guys would cover for him saying your 12 year old daughter would want to #### him? If you think that low of all of those guys why on earth would you let your daughter be anywhere near them without you there?

Good point. But prior to this I thought he was a decent guy.

And I asked my daughter what the adults did and she said they just laughed. Massive downgrade to all of them. If they wouldn't say something then, why do I think they would stand up now.

Nice to know, actually.

Nice to know what? You have no idea what happened except that your daughter thought she heard her friend's dad say she would #### him. That's something that needs clarification if it was my best friend or worst enemy. It would eat at me till it's resolved.

If he tries to lie, you should be able to tell.

Yeah, I agree. I'm starting to think that either she misheard him (I can't think of any friends that would say/accept something like that) or she tends to get herself in situations like this to make dad do something or get attention. I could totally be off base or this is another fishing attempt, but something seems rotten in Denmark here.

 

[Dr. Octopus]

Good point. But prior to this I thought he was a decent guy.And I asked my daughter what the adults did and she said they just laughed. Massive downgrade to all of them. If they wouldn't say something then, why do I think they would stand up now.

Nice to know, actually.

Are you allowing for the possibility that your daughter misheard/misunderstood what was said, because I keep going back to how this makes so little sense?

Guys that actually have 12 year old daughters aren't going to sit around yucking it up about how they all want to have sex with one of them. Are they all married with children and secret molesters? Are they all that socially maladjusted that they think something like that would be funny?

How would that comment possibly sit well with the other dads who also have a 12 year old daughter in that group of friends? "Well at least he's not attracted to MY daughter."

 

[quickhands]

After absolutely deciding I wasn't going to confront him.

I called him and asked him to meet me at the corner bar.

He doesn't remember that part of the conversation. He doesn't remember saying anything close to that.

He reminded me he has three daughters and one was sexually assulted. He is glad I brought it up so I don't hold a grudge.

I said I'll let it go.

We shall see.

 

[El Floppo]

you did the right thing.

now sleep with his wife.

 

[Grace Under Pressure]

Good for you quick. Did you get the impression they were having a straight/gay discussion at all? That didn't make much sense given who was at the table, just wondering if you figured out what they actually were talking about.

 

[quickhands]

Good for you quick. Did you get the impression they were having a straight/gay discussion at all? That didn't make much sense given who was at the table, just wondering if you figured out what they actually were talking about.

No he had no recollection of it at all.

 

[Sabertooth]

After absolutely deciding I wasn't going to confront him.

I called him and asked him to meet me at the corner bar.

He doesn't remember that part of the conversation. He doesn't remember saying anything close to that.

He reminded me he has three daughters and one was sexually assulted. He is glad I brought it up so I don't hold a grudge.

I said I'll let it go.

We shall see.

Good on you. Feel better?