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And people in my office wonder why they're fat (1 Viewer)

'Mister Martie said:
'mr. furley said:
(side note: we were called in to a company wide conference call on wednesday.. minutes before the call i could hear her (she sits next to me) preparing a bowl of cereal. which she inhaled, sloppily. then, to the meeting, she brought in what had to be the biggest ####ing mixing bowl i have ever seen in my life.. filled with pudding(i think?) and proceeded to noisily wolf that down in the presence of 8 other people crammed in to a tiny conf room. within minutes of polishing that off she fell asleep. dead away.)
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What. The. ####.
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this pile of humanity has fallen asleep in meetings with everyone from co-workers to supervisors to the president of the ####ing company :shrug: thankfully, for me at least, it appears you can not get fired from my place of employment.
 
'mr. furley said:
we've got a "pig out" day scheduled this week. organized by a behemoth that was pushing 5 bills when i first started with the company. she had surgery to shrink the size of her stomach.. that lasted about a year before she decided that the small stomach was inhibiting her ability to eat, too much.she went back to the doctor to have the cinch removed so she could return to her normally scheduled programming.she is one of those women with a beanbag stuffed in her pants (great line, btw). every day she arrives with a plastic shopping bag full of various foods. bananas, apples, crackers, etc. every day. every day the food sits on her desk all day.. and goes in the trash at the days end. in the meantime she powers down fast food for lunch. every. day. but not just, say, a single burger, small fry and a small soda. no. no way. if it's not a gallon of Chinese.. it's a double bacon cheeseburger, fries AND curds, soup of the day and a 44oz soda. (side note: we were called in to a company wide conference call on wednesday.. minutes before the call i could hear her (she sits next to me) preparing a bowl of cereal. which she inhaled, sloppily. then, to the meeting, she brought in what had to be the biggest ####ing mixing bowl i have ever seen in my life.. filled with pudding(i think?) and proceeded to noisily wolf that down in the presence of 8 other people crammed in to a tiny conf room. within minutes of polishing that off she fell asleep. dead away.)anyways, she had the brilliant idea to organize a St Pats lunch on thursday. she sent out an email with an excel sign-up sheet for people to add items they might bring. but INSISTED that all items be green. not Irish-centric, not desserts with green frosting, etc. "ALL ITEMS MUST BE GREEN OR DO NOT BRING THEM" read the email.someone signed up with "chips". fatso immediately walked to this poor girls desk and asked if the chips would be green. when told "no", fuses were blown. i've never heard someone get dressed down for not following an arbitrary rule as ridiculous as "ALL FOOD GREEN".i opened the spreadsheet before leaving work to see if anyone signed up for corned beef and cabbage. nope. but tubby signed up for green hamburgers. GREEN. HAMBURGERS. ugghtalked to my supervisor the next day to see if maybe the boss' were bringing in the corned beef and cabbage and was told "no. it's not green. and it stinks."this is going to be ####ing awesome
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I would quit this job. I don't care how much it pays. My god. :lmao:
 
'General Malaise said:
'mr. furley said:
we've got a "pig out" day scheduled this week. organized by a behemoth that was pushing 5 bills when i first started with the company. she had surgery to shrink the size of her stomach.. that lasted about a year before she decided that the small stomach was inhibiting her ability to eat, too much.she went back to the doctor to have the cinch removed so she could return to her normally scheduled programming.she is one of those women with a beanbag stuffed in her pants (great line, btw). every day she arrives with a plastic shopping bag full of various foods. bananas, apples, crackers, etc. every day. every day the food sits on her desk all day.. and goes in the trash at the days end. in the meantime she powers down fast food for lunch. every. day. but not just, say, a single burger, small fry and a small soda. no. no way. if it's not a gallon of Chinese.. it's a double bacon cheeseburger, fries AND curds, soup of the day and a 44oz soda. (side note: we were called in to a company wide conference call on wednesday.. minutes before the call i could hear her (she sits next to me) preparing a bowl of cereal. which she inhaled, sloppily. then, to the meeting, she brought in what had to be the biggest ####ing mixing bowl i have ever seen in my life.. filled with pudding(i think?) and proceeded to noisily wolf that down in the presence of 8 other people crammed in to a tiny conf room. within minutes of polishing that off she fell asleep. dead away.)anyways, she had the brilliant idea to organize a St Pats lunch on thursday. she sent out an email with an excel sign-up sheet for people to add items they might bring. but INSISTED that all items be green. not Irish-centric, not desserts with green frosting, etc. "ALL ITEMS MUST BE GREEN OR DO NOT BRING THEM" read the email.someone signed up with "chips". fatso immediately walked to this poor girls desk and asked if the chips would be green. when told "no", fuses were blown. i've never heard someone get dressed down for not following an arbitrary rule as ridiculous as "ALL FOOD GREEN".i opened the spreadsheet before leaving work to see if anyone signed up for corned beef and cabbage. nope. but tubby signed up for green hamburgers. GREEN. HAMBURGERS. ugghtalked to my supervisor the next day to see if maybe the boss' were bringing in the corned beef and cabbage and was told "no. it's not green. and it stinks."this is going to be ####ing awesome
Click to expand...
I would quit this job. I don't care how much it pays. My god. :lmao:
Click to expand...
Furls, get a jar. Paint it green. You know what to do next.
 
'bakes said:
'General Malaise said:
'mr. furley said:
we've got a "pig out" day scheduled this week. organized by a behemoth that was pushing 5 bills when i first started with the company. she had surgery to shrink the size of her stomach.. that lasted about a year before she decided that the small stomach was inhibiting her ability to eat, too much.she went back to the doctor to have the cinch removed so she could return to her normally scheduled programming.she is one of those women with a beanbag stuffed in her pants (great line, btw). every day she arrives with a plastic shopping bag full of various foods. bananas, apples, crackers, etc. every day. every day the food sits on her desk all day.. and goes in the trash at the days end. in the meantime she powers down fast food for lunch. every. day. but not just, say, a single burger, small fry and a small soda. no. no way. if it's not a gallon of Chinese.. it's a double bacon cheeseburger, fries AND curds, soup of the day and a 44oz soda. (side note: we were called in to a company wide conference call on wednesday.. minutes before the call i could hear her (she sits next to me) preparing a bowl of cereal. which she inhaled, sloppily. then, to the meeting, she brought in what had to be the biggest ####ing mixing bowl i have ever seen in my life.. filled with pudding(i think?) and proceeded to noisily wolf that down in the presence of 8 other people crammed in to a tiny conf room. within minutes of polishing that off she fell asleep. dead away.)anyways, she had the brilliant idea to organize a St Pats lunch on thursday. she sent out an email with an excel sign-up sheet for people to add items they might bring. but INSISTED that all items be green. not Irish-centric, not desserts with green frosting, etc. "ALL ITEMS MUST BE GREEN OR DO NOT BRING THEM" read the email.someone signed up with "chips". fatso immediately walked to this poor girls desk and asked if the chips would be green. when told "no", fuses were blown. i've never heard someone get dressed down for not following an arbitrary rule as ridiculous as "ALL FOOD GREEN".i opened the spreadsheet before leaving work to see if anyone signed up for corned beef and cabbage. nope. but tubby signed up for green hamburgers. GREEN. HAMBURGERS. ugghtalked to my supervisor the next day to see if maybe the boss' were bringing in the corned beef and cabbage and was told "no. it's not green. and it stinks."this is going to be ####ing awesome
Click to expand...
I would quit this job. I don't care how much it pays. My god. :lmao:
Click to expand...
Furls, get a jar. Paint it green. You know what to do next.
Click to expand...
Wouldn't it be awesome if you could trap the sound in addition to the smell?
 
'General Malaise said:
'mr. furley said:
we've got a "pig out" day scheduled this week. organized by a behemoth that was pushing 5 bills when i first started with the company. she had surgery to shrink the size of her stomach.. that lasted about a year before she decided that the small stomach was inhibiting her ability to eat, too much.she went back to the doctor to have the cinch removed so she could return to her normally scheduled programming.she is one of those women with a beanbag stuffed in her pants (great line, btw). every day she arrives with a plastic shopping bag full of various foods. bananas, apples, crackers, etc. every day. every day the food sits on her desk all day.. and goes in the trash at the days end. in the meantime she powers down fast food for lunch. every. day. but not just, say, a single burger, small fry and a small soda. no. no way. if it's not a gallon of Chinese.. it's a double bacon cheeseburger, fries AND curds, soup of the day and a 44oz soda. (side note: we were called in to a company wide conference call on wednesday.. minutes before the call i could hear her (she sits next to me) preparing a bowl of cereal. which she inhaled, sloppily. then, to the meeting, she brought in what had to be the biggest ####ing mixing bowl i have ever seen in my life.. filled with pudding(i think?) and proceeded to noisily wolf that down in the presence of 8 other people crammed in to a tiny conf room. within minutes of polishing that off she fell asleep. dead away.)anyways, she had the brilliant idea to organize a St Pats lunch on thursday. she sent out an email with an excel sign-up sheet for people to add items they might bring. but INSISTED that all items be green. not Irish-centric, not desserts with green frosting, etc. "ALL ITEMS MUST BE GREEN OR DO NOT BRING THEM" read the email.someone signed up with "chips". fatso immediately walked to this poor girls desk and asked if the chips would be green. when told "no", fuses were blown. i've never heard someone get dressed down for not following an arbitrary rule as ridiculous as "ALL FOOD GREEN".i opened the spreadsheet before leaving work to see if anyone signed up for corned beef and cabbage. nope. but tubby signed up for green hamburgers. GREEN. HAMBURGERS. ugghtalked to my supervisor the next day to see if maybe the boss' were bringing in the corned beef and cabbage and was told "no. it's not green. and it stinks."this is going to be ####ing awesome
Click to expand...
I would quit this job. I don't care how much it pays. My god. :lmao:
Click to expand...
Unreal. I can't wait for a Thursday update. :lmao: :lmao:
 
'bakes said:
'General Malaise said:
'mr. furley said:
we've got a "pig out" day scheduled this week. organized by a behemoth that was pushing 5 bills when i first started with the company. she had surgery to shrink the size of her stomach.. that lasted about a year before she decided that the small stomach was inhibiting her ability to eat, too much.she went back to the doctor to have the cinch removed so she could return to her normally scheduled programming.she is one of those women with a beanbag stuffed in her pants (great line, btw). every day she arrives with a plastic shopping bag full of various foods. bananas, apples, crackers, etc. every day. every day the food sits on her desk all day.. and goes in the trash at the days end. in the meantime she powers down fast food for lunch. every. day. but not just, say, a single burger, small fry and a small soda. no. no way. if it's not a gallon of Chinese.. it's a double bacon cheeseburger, fries AND curds, soup of the day and a 44oz soda. (side note: we were called in to a company wide conference call on wednesday.. minutes before the call i could hear her (she sits next to me) preparing a bowl of cereal. which she inhaled, sloppily. then, to the meeting, she brought in what had to be the biggest ####ing mixing bowl i have ever seen in my life.. filled with pudding(i think?) and proceeded to noisily wolf that down in the presence of 8 other people crammed in to a tiny conf room. within minutes of polishing that off she fell asleep. dead away.)anyways, she had the brilliant idea to organize a St Pats lunch on thursday. she sent out an email with an excel sign-up sheet for people to add items they might bring. but INSISTED that all items be green. not Irish-centric, not desserts with green frosting, etc. "ALL ITEMS MUST BE GREEN OR DO NOT BRING THEM" read the email.someone signed up with "chips". fatso immediately walked to this poor girls desk and asked if the chips would be green. when told "no", fuses were blown. i've never heard someone get dressed down for not following an arbitrary rule as ridiculous as "ALL FOOD GREEN".i opened the spreadsheet before leaving work to see if anyone signed up for corned beef and cabbage. nope. but tubby signed up for green hamburgers. GREEN. HAMBURGERS. ugghtalked to my supervisor the next day to see if maybe the boss' were bringing in the corned beef and cabbage and was told "no. it's not green. and it stinks."this is going to be ####ing awesome
Click to expand...
I would quit this job. I don't care how much it pays. My god. :lmao:
Click to expand...
Furls, get a jar. Paint it green. You know what to do next.
Click to expand...
:excited:
 
OK, so today, Twin Cities brought in this......thing :

An Oreo cookie base, topped with an inch of peanut butter (seems to be lightened with Cool Whip), then about 2 inches of chocolate cream. Embedded in the chocolate cream are roughly chopped Oreo cookies and halved Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

75% of the office are sitting around shoveling this into their mouths as we speak. It's 9:28 AM.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
We have a rather heavyset black girl (5'8" 275lbs) who works as a dental processing tech at our new office. Her name is Rotunda.You can't make this stuff up.

 
[icon] said:
We have a rather heavyset black girl (5'8" 275lbs) who works as a dental processing tech at our new office. Her name is Rotunda.You can't make this stuff up.
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[christucker]She got a big booty?[christucker]

 
Evilgrin 72 said:
OK, so today, Twin Cities brought in this......thing :An Oreo cookie base, topped with an inch of peanut butter (seems to be lightened with Cool Whip), then about 2 inches of chocolate cream. Embedded in the chocolate cream are roughly chopped Oreo cookies and halved Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.75% of the office are sitting around shoveling this into their mouths as we speak. It's 9:28 AM.
Click to expand...
I would have a throbbing headache in like 5 minutes if I shoveled any of that conncoction in my mouth...

 
Evilgrin 72 said:
OK, so today, Twin Cities brought in this......thing :An Oreo cookie base, topped with an inch of peanut butter (seems to be lightened with Cool Whip), then about 2 inches of chocolate cream. Embedded in the chocolate cream are roughly chopped Oreo cookies and halved Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.75% of the office are sitting around shoveling this into their mouths as we speak. It's 9:28 AM.
Click to expand...
I've shamefully not followed this thread as much as I should b/c I despise fatties as much as the next fit guy, but is Twin Cities the name that you've given to a fatty. If such, pretty brilliant.

 
Evilgrin 72 said:
:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:No frigging way.
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Buddy is cofounder that brought me on board. I #### you not. When he introduced me I turned at looked at him with a "you ####### with me" expression and he just subtly nodded. I recovered and shook one of her sweaty catchers mitts, but I was dumbfounded for a beat or two.
 
NutterButter said:
Evilgrin 72 said:
OK, so today, Twin Cities brought in this......thing :An Oreo cookie base, topped with an inch of peanut butter (seems to be lightened with Cool Whip), then about 2 inches of chocolate cream. Embedded in the chocolate cream are roughly chopped Oreo cookies and halved Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.75% of the office are sitting around shoveling this into their mouths as we speak. It's 9:28 AM.
Click to expand...
I've shamefully not followed this thread as much as I should b/c I despise fatties as much as the next fit guy, but is Twin Cities the name that you've given to a fatty. If such, pretty brilliant.
Click to expand...
I call our HR manager "Twin Cities" because her left and right buttcheeks are the size of Minneapolis and St. Paul, respectively.
 
:lmao: :lmao:

That is TOO good.

I have no idea why this board will NOT let me reply with your posts quoted. Second time I've tried and failed in this thread - it opens up the reply box with your post quoted, I type a response, hit submit, and nothing happens.

 
Im fat and I feel that you are discriminating against my fatness regardless of where my office is. Time to spark up a WW game to confuse you

 
Evilgrin 72 said:
NutterButter said:
Evilgrin 72 said:
OK, so today, Twin Cities brought in this......thing :An Oreo cookie base, topped with an inch of peanut butter (seems to be lightened with Cool Whip), then about 2 inches of chocolate cream. Embedded in the chocolate cream are roughly chopped Oreo cookies and halved Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.75% of the office are sitting around shoveling this into their mouths as we speak. It's 9:28 AM.
Click to expand...
I've shamefully not followed this thread as much as I should b/c I despise fatties as much as the next fit guy, but is Twin Cities the name that you've given to a fatty. If such, pretty brilliant.
Click to expand...
I call our HR manager "Twin Cities" because her left and right buttcheeks are the size of Minneapolis and St. Paul, respectively.
Click to expand...
So awesome#twincities
 
Related to the title, do fat people really 'wonder' why they are fat?

'Gee. I wonder why I'm 300 lbs. It just doesn't make any sense!'

 
Always gotta love the wildebeest at subway gettin a flatbread sub to be healthy, then makes them out a toothpaste tube of mayo on the thing.

SS FITNESS... GOING DOWN!!!

 
I eat salads with eggs, bacon, bacon bits, pork, hot dogs and bologna. It has green, its healthy

 
CYP said:
I eat salads with eggs, bacon, bacon bits, pork, hot dogs and bologna. It has green, its healthy
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:lmao:In the interest of full disclosure, I DID just polish off a 3 oz bag of Bugles. I can not stop eating those damn things once the bag is open. According to the package, I just consumed 120% of the USRDA of saturated fat for a day.
 
This is so weird. I tried to quote icon's post for that last response, it wouldn't post it. Then, I quoted CYP's post (with icon's original post nested) - wouldn't post that either. Took icon's portion out and left CYP's in - posted right away.

 
[icon] said:
Evilgrin 72 said:
NutterButter said:
Evilgrin 72 said:
OK, so today, Twin Cities brought in this......thing :An Oreo cookie base, topped with an inch of peanut butter (seems to be lightened with Cool Whip), then about 2 inches of chocolate cream. Embedded in the chocolate cream are roughly chopped Oreo cookies and halved Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.75% of the office are sitting around shoveling this into their mouths as we speak. It's 9:28 AM.
Click to expand...
I've shamefully not followed this thread as much as I should b/c I despise fatties as much as the next fit guy, but is Twin Cities the name that you've given to a fatty. If such, pretty brilliant.
Click to expand...
I call our HR manager "Twin Cities" because her left and right buttcheeks are the size of Minneapolis and St. Paul, respectively.
Click to expand...
So awesome#twincities
Click to expand...
Her left butt cheek is named The Moops. The right...Andy Dufresne.

 
Again, that would only post after I removed icon's nested quote. I think it might have something to do with the [] around your username, pal.

 
fat guy in my office just cheated on his nutrisystem diet with deep dish pizza, cheesy garlic bread, breadsticks, and pepsi

 
I already rectified this issue. I worked with the facilities manager and had a bunch of spots in the lot designated as assigned parking for management. I gave her one, but put it 2nd farthest from the door. Now she has no excuse and parks there every day and dutifully waddles across the lot to the door.

:brusheshandstogether:

 
Evilgrin 72 said:
CYP said:
I eat salads with eggs, bacon, bacon bits, pork, hot dogs and bologna. It has green, its healthy
Click to expand...
:lmao:In the interest of full disclosure, I DID just polish off a 3 oz bag of Bugles. I can not stop eating those damn things once the bag is open. According to the package, I just consumed 120% of the USRDA of saturated fat for a day.
Click to expand...
Only thing you'd need to disclose is if you're obese. If you're thin, you're obviously doing it right so eat as many Bugles as you want.

 
Evilgrin 72 said:
Again, that would only post after I removed icon's nested quote. I think it might have something to do with the [] around your username, pal.
Click to expand...
Finally.... My 10 year plan has taken hold. I went to a psychic before registering in 2003 and she informed me this board update would have that glitch :thumbsup:
 
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