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Can we discuss pet peeves here? (4 Viewers)
- Thread starter fantasycurse42
- Start date
belljr
Footballguy
People cough wife cough that downplay the annoyance factor on tasks/chores because they rarely if ever have to do them. NOT A EUPHEMISM!!
2 examples recently.....picked up a new Christmas tree. Mentioned I might make room in garage to store it already up so I don't have to try stuff it back in box and lug it to basement storage area.... She says it's no big deal. I say well you can start lugging 50 pounds up and down every year....yes she helps but after doing the same thing for 22 years and not getting younger i get annoyed with the dozens of trips and heavy boxes.
#b planning a trip in march and she wants to add all these extra visits of family on our itinerary (we just saw them a month ago)...I say just don't tack on on a bunch of extra driving. Again to her it's no big deal....to me I don't want to drive 6-8 extra hours my last day to then go out somewhere? I won't let her drive on highways
This more of an old married rant lol
2 examples recently.....picked up a new Christmas tree. Mentioned I might make room in garage to store it already up so I don't have to try stuff it back in box and lug it to basement storage area.... She says it's no big deal. I say well you can start lugging 50 pounds up and down every year....yes she helps but after doing the same thing for 22 years and not getting younger i get annoyed with the dozens of trips and heavy boxes.
#b planning a trip in march and she wants to add all these extra visits of family on our itinerary (we just saw them a month ago)...I say just don't tack on on a bunch of extra driving. Again to her it's no big deal....to me I don't want to drive 6-8 extra hours my last day to then go out somewhere? I won't let her drive on highways
This more of an old married rant lol
Scoresman
Footballguy
People cough wife cough that downplay the annoyance factor on tasks/chores because they rarely if ever have to do them. NOT A EUPHEMISM!!
2 examples recently.....picked up a new Christmas tree. Mentioned I might make room in garage to store it already up so I don't have to try stuff it back in box and lug it to basement storage area.... She says it's no big deal. I say well you can start lugging 50 pounds up and down every year....yes she helps but after doing the same thing for 22 years and not getting younger i get annoyed with the dozens of trips and heavy boxes.
#b planning a trip in march and she wants to add all these extra visits of family on our itinerary (we just saw them a month ago)...I say just don't tack on on a bunch of extra driving. Again to her it's no big deal....to me I don't want to drive 6-8 extra hours my last day to then go out somewhere? I won't let her drive on highways
This more of an old married rant lol
I've done the grocery shopping since COVID since my wife is high risk and we just kept it that way since then mainly out of habit. FTR, I hate grocery shopping for all of the multiple reasons it appears in this thread constantly. The other day my wife are talking about groceries, and she was all "I know it's further away and parking is a pain but I'd really like some Trader Joe's once in a while to shake it up, or maybe this other store (that's even farther away). Shopping is fun but you always buy the same stuff. "
mr. furley
Footballguy
annual rant/reminder to SLOW DOWN when driving in winter
we got a slushy mix that froze after sundown. roads and sidewalks were glare ice. walking out of the game i saw a few people fall. saw plenty of people tailgating and skidding to a near collision, or sliding off the road to avoid a crash.
to avoid traffic i took a side road thinking there wouldn't be anyone else. except the clown who came flying up behind me as i was pulling up to a stop sign. i slid to a stop and watched my rearview in horror as the idiot slammed his brakes, started to slide sideways, then righted himself and by some miracle pulled himself in to the oncoming traffic lane before sliding past me in to the intersection.
thankfully, he didn't hit me and there wasn't another car to t-bone or for him to hit head on.
being somewhere 1-2 minutes faster isn't worth it. leave a few minutes early. take your time. get there in one piece.
we got a slushy mix that froze after sundown. roads and sidewalks were glare ice. walking out of the game i saw a few people fall. saw plenty of people tailgating and skidding to a near collision, or sliding off the road to avoid a crash.
to avoid traffic i took a side road thinking there wouldn't be anyone else. except the clown who came flying up behind me as i was pulling up to a stop sign. i slid to a stop and watched my rearview in horror as the idiot slammed his brakes, started to slide sideways, then righted himself and by some miracle pulled himself in to the oncoming traffic lane before sliding past me in to the intersection.
thankfully, he didn't hit me and there wasn't another car to t-bone or for him to hit head on.
being somewhere 1-2 minutes faster isn't worth it. leave a few minutes early. take your time. get there in one piece.
Keerock
Footballguy
I would 100% ignore this on principle. In fact, if someone did this to me, I would not answer and then respond:
12:42 No.
ETA: to be clear, if it was someone who reports to me, I would handle it like you did. Anyone else gets the cold shoulder.
mr. furley
Footballguy
how the internet has ruined normal conversation
everything is taken as incredibly serious, very obviously 100% a representation of the core of the speaker. saying something like "i don't care for crunchy peanut butter" turns in someone being called being hateful, purely angry about the world, bitter, unlovable, someone who abuses their partner, etc. instead of just being a declaration that a person doesn't like crunchy peanut butter. it's not an assault on the meaning of life.
there's no more give & take and it's leaking in to the real world.
with few exceptions there is no joy in online discussion.
everything is taken as incredibly serious, very obviously 100% a representation of the core of the speaker. saying something like "i don't care for crunchy peanut butter" turns in someone being called being hateful, purely angry about the world, bitter, unlovable, someone who abuses their partner, etc. instead of just being a declaration that a person doesn't like crunchy peanut butter. it's not an assault on the meaning of life.
there's no more give & take and it's leaking in to the real world.
with few exceptions there is no joy in online discussion.
belljr
Footballguy
OMG how can you not like crunchy PB you weirdo............
ignatiusjreilly
Footballguy
Now that you mention it, I'm generally in favor of more natural, less processed foods, but the whole "natural" peanut butter thing where there's a solid inch of oil at the top that you constantly have to remix, and which inevitably sloshes out of the jar and stains your clothes, is incredibly annoying. Are we just not allowed to have natural peanut butter that spreads like, I don't know, butter?
George Washington Carver must be rolling in his grave
jhib
Footballguy
My wife's general sense of timing.
- She's actually a decent cook, but doesn't do well with timing when there are multiple dishes. That only bothers me on nights when I'm doing the bulk of the cooking and she comes in to "help." We'll talk about what we're going to have and when it comes time, I'll do the prep and get things started as timing dictates. It'll be about 15 minutes until everything is done and she'll come in and start peeling some potatoes to roast because, "We need potatoes with this." Nobody ever mentioned potatoes.
- We usually run all kinds of errands & shopping on Saturday afternoons. We sell some things online, so one of the things we usually need to do is drop packages off at the post office. One office (15 minutes away) is near all the other places we always go to and closes at noon. Another is 10 minutes in the opposite direction and closes at 12:30. I like to be ready to go early enough to get to the first one to save the extra driving. She knows this, but she takes her time doing other things and then starts rushing to get ready when it's basically already too late to risk going to the first place, but she still acts like we have to go quickly even though we now have plenty of time to make it to the one we now have to go to.
(I love my wife. She's amazingly awesome. I have so few complaints about life with her and so so many joys. And sometimes I leave my computer open around her...)
- She's actually a decent cook, but doesn't do well with timing when there are multiple dishes. That only bothers me on nights when I'm doing the bulk of the cooking and she comes in to "help." We'll talk about what we're going to have and when it comes time, I'll do the prep and get things started as timing dictates. It'll be about 15 minutes until everything is done and she'll come in and start peeling some potatoes to roast because, "We need potatoes with this." Nobody ever mentioned potatoes.
- We usually run all kinds of errands & shopping on Saturday afternoons. We sell some things online, so one of the things we usually need to do is drop packages off at the post office. One office (15 minutes away) is near all the other places we always go to and closes at noon. Another is 10 minutes in the opposite direction and closes at 12:30. I like to be ready to go early enough to get to the first one to save the extra driving. She knows this, but she takes her time doing other things and then starts rushing to get ready when it's basically already too late to risk going to the first place, but she still acts like we have to go quickly even though we now have plenty of time to make it to the one we now have to go to.
(I love my wife. She's amazingly awesome. I have so few complaints about life with her and so so many joys. And sometimes I leave my computer open around her...)
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
We have grocery delivery. One of the best things ever.People cough wife cough that downplay the annoyance factor on tasks/chores because they rarely if ever have to do them. NOT A EUPHEMISM!!
2 examples recently.....picked up a new Christmas tree. Mentioned I might make room in garage to store it already up so I don't have to try stuff it back in box and lug it to basement storage area.... She says it's no big deal. I say well you can start lugging 50 pounds up and down every year....yes she helps but after doing the same thing for 22 years and not getting younger i get annoyed with the dozens of trips and heavy boxes.
#b planning a trip in march and she wants to add all these extra visits of family on our itinerary (we just saw them a month ago)...I say just don't tack on on a bunch of extra driving. Again to her it's no big deal....to me I don't want to drive 6-8 extra hours my last day to then go out somewhere? I won't let her drive on highways
This more of an old married rant lol
I've done the grocery shopping since COVID since my wife is high risk and we just kept it that way since then mainly out of habit. FTR, I hate grocery shopping for all of the multiple reasons it appears in this thread constantly. The other day my wife are talking about groceries, and she was all "I know it's further away and parking is a pain but I'd really like some Trader Joe's once in a while to shake it up, or maybe this other store (that's even farther away). Shopping is fun but you always buy the same stuff. "
Scoresman
Footballguy
We did this for a while but got tired of them substituting things they were out of with stuff we didnt want. "Sorry we were out of this jar of tomato sauce, here's a jar of alfredo sauce substituted!"We have grocery delivery. One of the best things ever.People cough wife cough that downplay the annoyance factor on tasks/chores because they rarely if ever have to do them. NOT A EUPHEMISM!!
2 examples recently.....picked up a new Christmas tree. Mentioned I might make room in garage to store it already up so I don't have to try stuff it back in box and lug it to basement storage area.... She says it's no big deal. I say well you can start lugging 50 pounds up and down every year....yes she helps but after doing the same thing for 22 years and not getting younger i get annoyed with the dozens of trips and heavy boxes.
#b planning a trip in march and she wants to add all these extra visits of family on our itinerary (we just saw them a month ago)...I say just don't tack on on a bunch of extra driving. Again to her it's no big deal....to me I don't want to drive 6-8 extra hours my last day to then go out somewhere? I won't let her drive on highways
This more of an old married rant lol
I've done the grocery shopping since COVID since my wife is high risk and we just kept it that way since then mainly out of habit. FTR, I hate grocery shopping for all of the multiple reasons it appears in this thread constantly. The other day my wife are talking about groceries, and she was all "I know it's further away and parking is a pain but I'd really like some Trader Joe's once in a while to shake it up, or maybe this other store (that's even farther away). Shopping is fun but you always buy the same stuff. "
And they sure seemed to be out of stuff with way more frequency than when I go shop in person.
Also, groceries are already too expensive.
nirad3
Footballguy
This really isn't a pet peeve per se' but definitely not thread worthy and not sure where else to put this...
But what's up with the tinted plastic covers over your license plate? I mean, if I were law enforcement I would think these are illegal. You can barely see the license plate's letters/numbers.
Do people just think it looks cool? Is it to keep them clean? Or not stolen? Weird new trend out here.
But what's up with the tinted plastic covers over your license plate? I mean, if I were law enforcement I would think these are illegal. You can barely see the license plate's letters/numbers.
Do people just think it looks cool? Is it to keep them clean? Or not stolen? Weird new trend out here.
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
I just check the "no substitutions" box. I take it that isn't an option where you are? The only time they were out of a lot of things was during Covie. Not their fault.We did this for a while but got tired of them substituting things they were out of with stuff we didnt want. "Sorry we were out of this jar of tomato sauce, here's a jar of alfredo sauce substituted!"We have grocery delivery. One of the best things ever.People cough wife cough that downplay the annoyance factor on tasks/chores because they rarely if ever have to do them. NOT A EUPHEMISM!!
2 examples recently.....picked up a new Christmas tree. Mentioned I might make room in garage to store it already up so I don't have to try stuff it back in box and lug it to basement storage area.... She says it's no big deal. I say well you can start lugging 50 pounds up and down every year....yes she helps but after doing the same thing for 22 years and not getting younger i get annoyed with the dozens of trips and heavy boxes.
#b planning a trip in march and she wants to add all these extra visits of family on our itinerary (we just saw them a month ago)...I say just don't tack on on a bunch of extra driving. Again to her it's no big deal....to me I don't want to drive 6-8 extra hours my last day to then go out somewhere? I won't let her drive on highways
This more of an old married rant lol
I've done the grocery shopping since COVID since my wife is high risk and we just kept it that way since then mainly out of habit. FTR, I hate grocery shopping for all of the multiple reasons it appears in this thread constantly. The other day my wife are talking about groceries, and she was all "I know it's further away and parking is a pain but I'd really like some Trader Joe's once in a while to shake it up, or maybe this other store (that's even farther away). Shopping is fun but you always buy the same stuff. "
And they sure seemed to be out of stuff with way more frequency than when I go shop in person.
Also, groceries are already too expensive.
belljr
Footballguy
Illegal here but people still have them
Scoresman
Footballguy
I just check the "no substitutions" box. I take it that isn't an option where you are? The only time they were out of a lot of things was during Covie. Not their fault.We did this for a while but got tired of them substituting things they were out of with stuff we didnt want. "Sorry we were out of this jar of tomato sauce, here's a jar of alfredo sauce substituted!"We have grocery delivery. One of the best things ever.People cough wife cough that downplay the annoyance factor on tasks/chores because they rarely if ever have to do them. NOT A EUPHEMISM!!
2 examples recently.....picked up a new Christmas tree. Mentioned I might make room in garage to store it already up so I don't have to try stuff it back in box and lug it to basement storage area.... She says it's no big deal. I say well you can start lugging 50 pounds up and down every year....yes she helps but after doing the same thing for 22 years and not getting younger i get annoyed with the dozens of trips and heavy boxes.
#b planning a trip in march and she wants to add all these extra visits of family on our itinerary (we just saw them a month ago)...I say just don't tack on on a bunch of extra driving. Again to her it's no big deal....to me I don't want to drive 6-8 extra hours my last day to then go out somewhere? I won't let her drive on highways
This more of an old married rant lol
I've done the grocery shopping since COVID since my wife is high risk and we just kept it that way since then mainly out of habit. FTR, I hate grocery shopping for all of the multiple reasons it appears in this thread constantly. The other day my wife are talking about groceries, and she was all "I know it's further away and parking is a pain but I'd really like some Trader Joe's once in a while to shake it up, or maybe this other store (that's even farther away). Shopping is fun but you always buy the same stuff. "
And they sure seemed to be out of stuff with way more frequency than when I go shop in person.
Also, groceries are already too expensive.
No, we have it, but if they're out I want to be the one choosing the substitute and not substituting isnt an option if I'm cooking.
nirad3
Footballguy
I would assume they're illegal here in Cali too. I just don't understand the point.
I assumed it was to block their plate being read when going through electronic tolls, but never researched to confirm that’s it.
Snoopy
Footballguy
Those were around before then, likely for other reasons the try to styme law enforcement.
IvanKaramazov
Footballguy
99% sure these are supposed to be to avoid red light cameras, toll cameras, etc. They should be illegal (my understanding is that they are illegal in most states) and police should enforce this. I'm by no means a stickler about traffic laws, but license plates exist for a reason.
Keerock
Footballguy
That IS funny!
belljr
Footballguy
Mythbusters did a whole segment on these things
parasaurolophus
Footballguy
I will show you grace and assume you meant to add at the end "and still have everything come out clean"
General Malaise
Footballguy
We did this for a while but got tired of them substituting things they were out of with stuff we didnt want. "Sorry we were out of this jar of tomato sauce, here's a jar of alfredo sauce substituted!"We have grocery delivery. One of the best things ever.People cough wife cough that downplay the annoyance factor on tasks/chores because they rarely if ever have to do them. NOT A EUPHEMISM!!
2 examples recently.....picked up a new Christmas tree. Mentioned I might make room in garage to store it already up so I don't have to try stuff it back in box and lug it to basement storage area.... She says it's no big deal. I say well you can start lugging 50 pounds up and down every year....yes she helps but after doing the same thing for 22 years and not getting younger i get annoyed with the dozens of trips and heavy boxes.
#b planning a trip in march and she wants to add all these extra visits of family on our itinerary (we just saw them a month ago)...I say just don't tack on on a bunch of extra driving. Again to her it's no big deal....to me I don't want to drive 6-8 extra hours my last day to then go out somewhere? I won't let her drive on highways
This more of an old married rant lol
I've done the grocery shopping since COVID since my wife is high risk and we just kept it that way since then mainly out of habit. FTR, I hate grocery shopping for all of the multiple reasons it appears in this thread constantly. The other day my wife are talking about groceries, and she was all "I know it's further away and parking is a pain but I'd really like some Trader Joe's once in a while to shake it up, or maybe this other store (that's even farther away). Shopping is fun but you always buy the same stuff. "
And they sure seemed to be out of stuff with way more frequency than when I go shop in person.
Also, groceries are already too expensive.
My wife did Fred Meyer delivery a few months ago. She is still complaining about it. It's not wise for a vegan to ask somebody who probably doesn't give a crap about their picky lifestyle choices to pick out fruits and veggies for them. Hell, I get scared sometimes that I'm bringing home imperfect avocados....
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
I just found out that my darling husband has been throwing me under the bus when he wants to not discuss a decision with contractors, neighbors, etc. "I don't know. I'll have to see what my wife wants." "I'll have to ask my wife and get back to you." "My wife wants the color to be this." Even when I'm not aware of the choices, I'm the culprit. He's been doing this for years.
Weenie.
Weenie.
Val Rannous
Footballguy
Hey!
ChiefD
Footballguy
General Malaise
Footballguy
It's in the playbook they give us right before we walk down the aisle. It's like chapter 1 of this thing.
the moops
Footballguy
This is the content we all need right now
Scoresman
Footballguy
I do this all the time but its because she never likes any decision I make and is critical of everything.
General Malaise
Footballguy
And God help me if I've agreed to something "mom" said "no" to earlier.....
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
This I could almost understand, but he has the same opinion on this stuff. He just finds it easier to pretend.
jhib
Footballguy
Also in chapter 1
General Malaise
Footballguy
Yup, paragraph 2.
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
Somewhere in the back.
supermike80
Footballguy
Especially on the highway!
wlwiles
Footballguy
Fully grown humans (read: my wife) that need help from others (read: me) to call businesses/general public to get things done.
Check engine light on in my wife's car, we're waiting on a part from the dealership. Wife texts me at work and wants me to chase the dealership down because it was supposed to be in already. She's at work apparently too busy to do it. I call dealership, yep the part is in, they want to know when we can bring the vehicle in to get the work done. Guess who has that answer? NOT ME.
Quickly shoot the wife a text asking this question while on the phone with dealership. No immediate response. Tell dealership I'll find out and call back. Finally track wife down, and of course what does she say? "Well when do they have an opening?"
"I don't know honey, why don't you give them a call and figure out an appointment time?" "Oh no, I've got too much to do today, I'm in meetings blah blah blah, just do it for Friday". Call dealership back, of course no availability on Friday. Off to call the wife again...
Check engine light on in my wife's car, we're waiting on a part from the dealership. Wife texts me at work and wants me to chase the dealership down because it was supposed to be in already. She's at work apparently too busy to do it. I call dealership, yep the part is in, they want to know when we can bring the vehicle in to get the work done. Guess who has that answer? NOT ME.
Quickly shoot the wife a text asking this question while on the phone with dealership. No immediate response. Tell dealership I'll find out and call back. Finally track wife down, and of course what does she say? "Well when do they have an opening?"
"I don't know honey, why don't you give them a call and figure out an appointment time?" "Oh no, I've got too much to do today, I'm in meetings blah blah blah, just do it for Friday". Call dealership back, of course no availability on Friday. Off to call the wife again...
arrow1
Footballguy
Grrrrrr....Fully grown humans (read: my wife) that need help from others (read: me) to call businesses/general public to get things done.
Check engine light on in my wife's car, we're waiting on a part from the dealership. Wife texts me at work and wants me to chase the dealership down because it was supposed to be in already. She's at work apparently too busy to do it. I call dealership, yep the part is in, they want to know when we can bring the vehicle in to get the work done. Guess who has that answer? NOT ME.
Quickly shoot the wife a text asking this question while on the phone with dealership. No immediate response. Tell dealership I'll find out and call back. Finally track wife down, and of course what does she say? "Well when do they have an opening?"
psychobillies
Footballguy
Man, I sympathize and all, but this is 100% on you. This is a really easy fix. Does anyone in here ever tell their wives no?Fully grown humans (read: my wife) that need help from others (read: me) to call businesses/general public to get things done.
Check engine light on in my wife's car, we're waiting on a part from the dealership. Wife texts me at work and wants me to chase the dealership down because it was supposed to be in already. She's at work apparently too busy to do it. I call dealership, yep the part is in, they want to know when we can bring the vehicle in to get the work done. Guess who has that answer? NOT ME.
Quickly shoot the wife a text asking this question while on the phone with dealership. No immediate response. Tell dealership I'll find out and call back. Finally track wife down, and of course what does she say? "Well when do they have an opening?"
mr. furley
Footballguy
i've got experience hereMan, I sympathize and all, but this is 100% on you. This is a really easy fix. Does anyone in here ever tell their wives no?Fully grown humans (read: my wife) that need help from others (read: me) to call businesses/general public to get things done.
Check engine light on in my wife's car, we're waiting on a part from the dealership. Wife texts me at work and wants me to chase the dealership down because it was supposed to be in already. She's at work apparently too busy to do it. I call dealership, yep the part is in, they want to know when we can bring the vehicle in to get the work done. Guess who has that answer? NOT ME.
Quickly shoot the wife a text asking this question while on the phone with dealership. No immediate response. Tell dealership I'll find out and call back. Finally track wife down, and of course what does she say? "Well when do they have an opening?"
my wife does the same thing @wlwiles does. she has TREMENDOUS anxiety in these situations and literally cannot do it. full stop. i tried the "no" method for years, and critical things just lapsed as a result. drove me insane for years as it comes off as extremely lazy and/or like i'm a secretary.. would i rather she sort these things out on her own? absolutely.
however, experience has taught me that she will not/cannot and i don't need, say, a wheel to fall off while she's driving home which would result in a whole host of other issues. much easier to be understanding, as frustrating as it can be sometimes, than to have people get unnecessarily hurt and cost us loads of money vs. just calling to schedule an appointment.
now, that may not be the case here with wiwiles, but i'd be willing to bet that anxiety is probably a big part of the issue.
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
But when this comes up for Mr R and me, we communicate up front about the timeline, etc. Also, texting would solve a lot of this.i've got experience hereMan, I sympathize and all, but this is 100% on you. This is a really easy fix. Does anyone in here ever tell their wives no?Fully grown humans (read: my wife) that need help from others (read: me) to call businesses/general public to get things done.
Check engine light on in my wife's car, we're waiting on a part from the dealership. Wife texts me at work and wants me to chase the dealership down because it was supposed to be in already. She's at work apparently too busy to do it. I call dealership, yep the part is in, they want to know when we can bring the vehicle in to get the work done. Guess who has that answer? NOT ME.
Quickly shoot the wife a text asking this question while on the phone with dealership. No immediate response. Tell dealership I'll find out and call back. Finally track wife down, and of course what does she say? "Well when do they have an opening?"
my wife does the same thing @wlwiles does. she has TREMENDOUS anxiety in these situations and literally cannot do it. full stop. i tried the "no" method for years, and critical things just lapsed as a result. drove me insane for years as it comes off as extremely lazy and/or like i'm a secretary.. would i rather she sort these things out on her own? absolutely.
however, experience has taught me that she will not/cannot and i don't need, say, a wheel to fall off while she's driving home which would result in a whole host of other issues. much easier to be understanding, as frustrating as it can be sometimes, than to have people get unnecessarily hurt and cost us loads of money vs. just calling to schedule an appointment.
now, that may not be the case here with wiwiles, but i'd be willing to bet that anxiety is probably a big part of the issue.
psychobillies
Footballguy
I hadn't really thought about that. It just seems that if she's too busy doing this or that, and/or holding down a job then maybe she can also execute a phone call to a dealership. The way he posted it, it sounds like she just doesn't feel like it.i've got experience hereMan, I sympathize and all, but this is 100% on you. This is a really easy fix. Does anyone in here ever tell their wives no?Fully grown humans (read: my wife) that need help from others (read: me) to call businesses/general public to get things done.
Check engine light on in my wife's car, we're waiting on a part from the dealership. Wife texts me at work and wants me to chase the dealership down because it was supposed to be in already. She's at work apparently too busy to do it. I call dealership, yep the part is in, they want to know when we can bring the vehicle in to get the work done. Guess who has that answer? NOT ME.
Quickly shoot the wife a text asking this question while on the phone with dealership. No immediate response. Tell dealership I'll find out and call back. Finally track wife down, and of course what does she say? "Well when do they have an opening?"
my wife does the same thing @wlwiles does. she has TREMENDOUS anxiety in these situations and literally cannot do it. full stop. i tried the "no" method for years, and critical things just lapsed as a result. drove me insane for years as it comes off as extremely lazy and/or like i'm a secretary.. would i rather she sort these things out on her own? absolutely.
however, experience has taught me that she will not/cannot and i don't need, say, a wheel to fall off while she's driving home which would result in a whole host of other issues. much easier to be understanding, as frustrating as it can be sometimes, than to have people get unnecessarily hurt and cost us loads of money vs. just calling to schedule an appointment.
now, that may not be the case here with wiwiles, but i'd be willing to bet that anxiety is probably a big part of the issue.
mr. furley
Footballguy
all people are differentBut when this comes up for Mr R and me, we communicate up front about the timeline, etc. Also, texting would solve a lot of this.i've got experience hereMan, I sympathize and all, but this is 100% on you. This is a really easy fix. Does anyone in here ever tell their wives no?Fully grown humans (read: my wife) that need help from others (read: me) to call businesses/general public to get things done.
Check engine light on in my wife's car, we're waiting on a part from the dealership. Wife texts me at work and wants me to chase the dealership down because it was supposed to be in already. She's at work apparently too busy to do it. I call dealership, yep the part is in, they want to know when we can bring the vehicle in to get the work done. Guess who has that answer? NOT ME.
Quickly shoot the wife a text asking this question while on the phone with dealership. No immediate response. Tell dealership I'll find out and call back. Finally track wife down, and of course what does she say? "Well when do they have an opening?"
my wife does the same thing @wlwiles does. she has TREMENDOUS anxiety in these situations and literally cannot do it. full stop. i tried the "no" method for years, and critical things just lapsed as a result. drove me insane for years as it comes off as extremely lazy and/or like i'm a secretary.. would i rather she sort these things out on her own? absolutely.
however, experience has taught me that she will not/cannot and i don't need, say, a wheel to fall off while she's driving home which would result in a whole host of other issues. much easier to be understanding, as frustrating as it can be sometimes, than to have people get unnecessarily hurt and cost us loads of money vs. just calling to schedule an appointment.
now, that may not be the case here with wiwiles, but i'd be willing to bet that anxiety is probably a big part of the issue.
Pip's Invitation
Footballguy
I am the one who deals with the public on behalf of my wife, and it’s because she has social anxiety disorder.i've got experience hereMan, I sympathize and all, but this is 100% on you. This is a really easy fix. Does anyone in here ever tell their wives no?Fully grown humans (read: my wife) that need help from others (read: me) to call businesses/general public to get things done.
Check engine light on in my wife's car, we're waiting on a part from the dealership. Wife texts me at work and wants me to chase the dealership down because it was supposed to be in already. She's at work apparently too busy to do it. I call dealership, yep the part is in, they want to know when we can bring the vehicle in to get the work done. Guess who has that answer? NOT ME.
Quickly shoot the wife a text asking this question while on the phone with dealership. No immediate response. Tell dealership I'll find out and call back. Finally track wife down, and of course what does she say? "Well when do they have an opening?"
my wife does the same thing @wlwiles does. she has TREMENDOUS anxiety in these situations and literally cannot do it. full stop. i tried the "no" method for years, and critical things just lapsed as a result. drove me insane for years as it comes off as extremely lazy and/or like i'm a secretary.. would i rather she sort these things out on her own? absolutely.
however, experience has taught me that she will not/cannot and i don't need, say, a wheel to fall off while she's driving home which would result in a whole host of other issues. much easier to be understanding, as frustrating as it can be sometimes, than to have people get unnecessarily hurt and cost us loads of money vs. just calling to schedule an appointment.
now, that may not be the case here with wiwiles, but i'd be willing to bet that anxiety is probably a big part of the issue.
mr. furley
Footballguy
"excuse" making is part of anxiety.I hadn't really thought about that. It just seems that if she's too busy doing this or that, and/or holding down a job then maybe she can also execute a phone call to a dealership. The way he posted it, it sounds like she just doesn't feel like it.i've got experience hereMan, I sympathize and all, but this is 100% on you. This is a really easy fix. Does anyone in here ever tell their wives no?Fully grown humans (read: my wife) that need help from others (read: me) to call businesses/general public to get things done.
Check engine light on in my wife's car, we're waiting on a part from the dealership. Wife texts me at work and wants me to chase the dealership down because it was supposed to be in already. She's at work apparently too busy to do it. I call dealership, yep the part is in, they want to know when we can bring the vehicle in to get the work done. Guess who has that answer? NOT ME.
Quickly shoot the wife a text asking this question while on the phone with dealership. No immediate response. Tell dealership I'll find out and call back. Finally track wife down, and of course what does she say? "Well when do they have an opening?"
my wife does the same thing @wlwiles does. she has TREMENDOUS anxiety in these situations and literally cannot do it. full stop. i tried the "no" method for years, and critical things just lapsed as a result. drove me insane for years as it comes off as extremely lazy and/or like i'm a secretary.. would i rather she sort these things out on her own? absolutely.
however, experience has taught me that she will not/cannot and i don't need, say, a wheel to fall off while she's driving home which would result in a whole host of other issues. much easier to be understanding, as frustrating as it can be sometimes, than to have people get unnecessarily hurt and cost us loads of money vs. just calling to schedule an appointment.
now, that may not be the case here with wiwiles, but i'd be willing to bet that anxiety is probably a big part of the issue.
took me forever to get through the walls to understand why the reply to simple tasks was always some throwaway excuse. so frustrating. i'd shoot them down, and new ones would pop up, over and over and over. we'd get in to arguments about something dumb like "can you call and order a pizza for the kids?".
she wouldn't say "no, because i get extreme anxiety having to make the decision of what to order, how to talk to the stranger on the other end of the line and what do i say if they ask questions.. i need to be prepared first. this is spontaneous and i feel like you aren't asking me, you're telling me i "have to". it feels like you're pressuring me to do something."
instead she would say "i can't, the cat is on my lap".
"well, the phone is next to you and i'm on a ladder, fixing some wiring right now. i could get down, cross the house and make the call but i'd rather just keep going with this project. can you make the call since the phone is literally within arm's reach?"
"i don't know what the kids want, though."
"KIDS! WHAT KIND OF PIZZA DO YOU WANT??"
"pepperoni!"
"there, pepperoni. can you call?"
"i have to go to the bathroom"
"ok, can you call when you get back from the bathroom?"
"who's going to get it?"
on and on and on.. all just avoidance tactics to cope with the now escalating pressure/anxiety of being "forced" to do something she wasn't prepared for.
now, one would say "screw that, she should grow up" or whatever and i had that feeling for a long time but being mad about it and demanding she "fix" herself isn't going to get anywhere. much better to realize what she can/can't do well and work within that framework to accomplish tasks.
it's going to take someone with degrees & time to "fix" the anxiety. i'm not qualified.
psychobillies
Footballguy
Fair enough. I'll back out of this one as I have no knowledge or experience with this sort of thing. Appreciate you pointing it out."excuse" making is part of anxiety.I hadn't really thought about that. It just seems that if she's too busy doing this or that, and/or holding down a job then maybe she can also execute a phone call to a dealership. The way he posted it, it sounds like she just doesn't feel like it.i've got experience hereMan, I sympathize and all, but this is 100% on you. This is a really easy fix. Does anyone in here ever tell their wives no?Fully grown humans (read: my wife) that need help from others (read: me) to call businesses/general public to get things done.
Check engine light on in my wife's car, we're waiting on a part from the dealership. Wife texts me at work and wants me to chase the dealership down because it was supposed to be in already. She's at work apparently too busy to do it. I call dealership, yep the part is in, they want to know when we can bring the vehicle in to get the work done. Guess who has that answer? NOT ME.
Quickly shoot the wife a text asking this question while on the phone with dealership. No immediate response. Tell dealership I'll find out and call back. Finally track wife down, and of course what does she say? "Well when do they have an opening?"
my wife does the same thing @wlwiles does. she has TREMENDOUS anxiety in these situations and literally cannot do it. full stop. i tried the "no" method for years, and critical things just lapsed as a result. drove me insane for years as it comes off as extremely lazy and/or like i'm a secretary.. would i rather she sort these things out on her own? absolutely.
however, experience has taught me that she will not/cannot and i don't need, say, a wheel to fall off while she's driving home which would result in a whole host of other issues. much easier to be understanding, as frustrating as it can be sometimes, than to have people get unnecessarily hurt and cost us loads of money vs. just calling to schedule an appointment.
now, that may not be the case here with wiwiles, but i'd be willing to bet that anxiety is probably a big part of the issue.
took me forever to get through the walls to understand why the reply to simple tasks was always some throwaway excuse. so frustrating. i'd shoot them down, and new ones would pop up, over and over and over. we'd get in to arguments about something dumb like "can you call and order a pizza for the kids?".
she wouldn't say "no, because i get extreme anxiety having to make the decision of what to order, how to talk to the stranger on the other end of the line and what do i say if they ask questions.. i need to be prepared first. this is spontaneous and i feel like you aren't asking me, you're telling me i "have to". it feels like you're pressuring me to do something."
instead she would say "i can't, the cat is on my lap".
"well, the phone is next to you and i'm on a ladder, fixing some wiring right now. i could get down, cross the house and make the call but i'd rather just keep going with this project. can you make the call since the phone is literally within arm's reach?"
"i don't know what the kids want, though."
"KIDS! WHAT KIND OF PIZZA DO YOU WANT??"
"pepperoni!"
"there, pepperoni. can you call?"
"i have to go to the bathroom"
"ok, can you call when you get back from the bathroom?"
"who's going to get it?"
on and on and on.. all just avoidance tactics to cope with the now escalating pressure/anxiety of being "forced" to do something she wasn't prepared for.
now, one would say "screw that, she should grow up" or whatever and i had that feeling for a long time but being mad about it and demanding she "fix" herself isn't going to get anywhere. much better to realize what she can/can't do well and work within that framework to accomplish tasks.
it's going to take someone with degrees & time to "fix" the anxiety. i'm not qualified.
mr. furley
Footballguy
i could be 180 degrees from correct in wlwiles scenario.. just throwing out my experience because it smells awfully familiar to his.Fair enough. I'll back out of this one as I have no knowledge or experience with this sort of thing. Appreciate you pointing it out."excuse" making is part of anxiety.I hadn't really thought about that. It just seems that if she's too busy doing this or that, and/or holding down a job then maybe she can also execute a phone call to a dealership. The way he posted it, it sounds like she just doesn't feel like it.i've got experience hereMan, I sympathize and all, but this is 100% on you. This is a really easy fix. Does anyone in here ever tell their wives no?Fully grown humans (read: my wife) that need help from others (read: me) to call businesses/general public to get things done.
Check engine light on in my wife's car, we're waiting on a part from the dealership. Wife texts me at work and wants me to chase the dealership down because it was supposed to be in already. She's at work apparently too busy to do it. I call dealership, yep the part is in, they want to know when we can bring the vehicle in to get the work done. Guess who has that answer? NOT ME.
Quickly shoot the wife a text asking this question while on the phone with dealership. No immediate response. Tell dealership I'll find out and call back. Finally track wife down, and of course what does she say? "Well when do they have an opening?"
my wife does the same thing @wlwiles does. she has TREMENDOUS anxiety in these situations and literally cannot do it. full stop. i tried the "no" method for years, and critical things just lapsed as a result. drove me insane for years as it comes off as extremely lazy and/or like i'm a secretary.. would i rather she sort these things out on her own? absolutely.
however, experience has taught me that she will not/cannot and i don't need, say, a wheel to fall off while she's driving home which would result in a whole host of other issues. much easier to be understanding, as frustrating as it can be sometimes, than to have people get unnecessarily hurt and cost us loads of money vs. just calling to schedule an appointment.
now, that may not be the case here with wiwiles, but i'd be willing to bet that anxiety is probably a big part of the issue.
took me forever to get through the walls to understand why the reply to simple tasks was always some throwaway excuse. so frustrating. i'd shoot them down, and new ones would pop up, over and over and over. we'd get in to arguments about something dumb like "can you call and order a pizza for the kids?".
she wouldn't say "no, because i get extreme anxiety having to make the decision of what to order, how to talk to the stranger on the other end of the line and what do i say if they ask questions.. i need to be prepared first. this is spontaneous and i feel like you aren't asking me, you're telling me i "have to". it feels like you're pressuring me to do something."
instead she would say "i can't, the cat is on my lap".
"well, the phone is next to you and i'm on a ladder, fixing some wiring right now. i could get down, cross the house and make the call but i'd rather just keep going with this project. can you make the call since the phone is literally within arm's reach?"
"i don't know what the kids want, though."
"KIDS! WHAT KIND OF PIZZA DO YOU WANT??"
"pepperoni!"
"there, pepperoni. can you call?"
"i have to go to the bathroom"
"ok, can you call when you get back from the bathroom?"
"who's going to get it?"
on and on and on.. all just avoidance tactics to cope with the now escalating pressure/anxiety of being "forced" to do something she wasn't prepared for.
now, one would say "screw that, she should grow up" or whatever and i had that feeling for a long time but being mad about it and demanding she "fix" herself isn't going to get anywhere. much better to realize what she can/can't do well and work within that framework to accomplish tasks.
it's going to take someone with degrees & time to "fix" the anxiety. i'm not qualified.
wlwiles
Footballguy
You're about half right, maybe more... Not to derail the thread into something else, but since it's gone on for a few posts now...i could be 180 degrees from correct in wlwiles scenario.. just throwing out my experience because it smells awfully familiar to his.Fair enough. I'll back out of this one as I have no knowledge or experience with this sort of thing. Appreciate you pointing it out."excuse" making is part of anxiety.I hadn't really thought about that. It just seems that if she's too busy doing this or that, and/or holding down a job then maybe she can also execute a phone call to a dealership. The way he posted it, it sounds like she just doesn't feel like it.i've got experience hereMan, I sympathize and all, but this is 100% on you. This is a really easy fix. Does anyone in here ever tell their wives no?Fully grown humans (read: my wife) that need help from others (read: me) to call businesses/general public to get things done.
Check engine light on in my wife's car, we're waiting on a part from the dealership. Wife texts me at work and wants me to chase the dealership down because it was supposed to be in already. She's at work apparently too busy to do it. I call dealership, yep the part is in, they want to know when we can bring the vehicle in to get the work done. Guess who has that answer? NOT ME.
Quickly shoot the wife a text asking this question while on the phone with dealership. No immediate response. Tell dealership I'll find out and call back. Finally track wife down, and of course what does she say? "Well when do they have an opening?"
my wife does the same thing @wlwiles does. she has TREMENDOUS anxiety in these situations and literally cannot do it. full stop. i tried the "no" method for years, and critical things just lapsed as a result. drove me insane for years as it comes off as extremely lazy and/or like i'm a secretary.. would i rather she sort these things out on her own? absolutely.
however, experience has taught me that she will not/cannot and i don't need, say, a wheel to fall off while she's driving home which would result in a whole host of other issues. much easier to be understanding, as frustrating as it can be sometimes, than to have people get unnecessarily hurt and cost us loads of money vs. just calling to schedule an appointment.
now, that may not be the case here with wiwiles, but i'd be willing to bet that anxiety is probably a big part of the issue.
took me forever to get through the walls to understand why the reply to simple tasks was always some throwaway excuse. so frustrating. i'd shoot them down, and new ones would pop up, over and over and over. we'd get in to arguments about something dumb like "can you call and order a pizza for the kids?".
she wouldn't say "no, because i get extreme anxiety having to make the decision of what to order, how to talk to the stranger on the other end of the line and what do i say if they ask questions.. i need to be prepared first. this is spontaneous and i feel like you aren't asking me, you're telling me i "have to". it feels like you're pressuring me to do something."
instead she would say "i can't, the cat is on my lap".
"well, the phone is next to you and i'm on a ladder, fixing some wiring right now. i could get down, cross the house and make the call but i'd rather just keep going with this project. can you make the call since the phone is literally within arm's reach?"
"i don't know what the kids want, though."
"KIDS! WHAT KIND OF PIZZA DO YOU WANT??"
"pepperoni!"
"there, pepperoni. can you call?"
"i have to go to the bathroom"
"ok, can you call when you get back from the bathroom?"
"who's going to get it?"
on and on and on.. all just avoidance tactics to cope with the now escalating pressure/anxiety of being "forced" to do something she wasn't prepared for.
now, one would say "screw that, she should grow up" or whatever and i had that feeling for a long time but being mad about it and demanding she "fix" herself isn't going to get anywhere. much better to realize what she can/can't do well and work within that framework to accomplish tasks.
it's going to take someone with degrees & time to "fix" the anxiety. i'm not qualified.
My wife is a pretty strong introvert. Getting out and going to work and seeing people face to face all day just "takes it out of her" and she comes home and likes to be alone, or with just immediate family - relaxed and in her safe space. It's not really social anxiety because she's usually always willing to go places and see people and regular stuff, but she compartmentalizes. When she's at work, all her energy is focused into being present at work. Adding on tasks like chasing the pharmacy for a script fill, or calling about car parts, etc. can push her very very quickly to the overwhelmed/overstimulated phase, because she's expending hidden energy just in getting over her introverted-ness to be present at work, if that makes sense. Her saying "I'm too busy = I'm at that tipping point" and she knows that I know that.
She also knows I'm an extreme extrovert and I honestly don't mind calling and doing these errands for her. I know it makes her task list shorter, and it greatly helps her not get to that overwhelmed feeling. I typed that original post literally 2 minutes after I had gotten off the phone with the dealership, and was a bit frustrated in the moment that what was supposed to have been a quick call was turning into a back and forth because I didn't know (maybe bc my wife didn't know to warn me) that we'd need to make an appointment - my instructions were to see if the part was in yet, period. Then I got roped into being a middle-man of a conversation that really didn't involve me, so I fired off that post as a "this isn't what I signed up for" bit of venting. My wife told me afterward that her plan was just to drop the car off in the morning for the repair because that's what they'd originally told her when she ordered the part. So my fault for even entertaining the "when do you want to come in" conversation...
