Do you and your spouse have joint or separate bank accounts? (1 Viewer)

[Bonzai]

Ok, I'll bite, how so?

If you trust your partner and have shared values regarding money then it really doesn't matter whether you have joint or separate accounts.  That's all I'm saying.  I could see it becoming a problem if there was a difference in wages between partners, but that's not my situation.

 

[jwb]

I guess it comes down to maturity of the couple. I don’t think there’s a blanket statement that covers this. Agreed that people bringing more cash, past earnings into a relationship probably leads to it being discussed before the marriage gets started. 

These anecdotes of “my friends do this and they fight all the time” aren’t really super useful.

Whatever works for people. 

Yes, of course whatever works is fine. I just haven't seen the split way work very often at all. Again, I think it comes down more to the mentality of one (or both) needing to keep finances split. Seems there's a basic lack of trust / comfort / "us". If I were advising a young couple on marriage, near the top would be "you need to be a team - lose the mine/yours". 

 

[eoMMan]

Yea, of course whatever works is fine. I just haven't seen the split way work very often at all. Again, I think it comes down more to the mentality of one (or both) needing to keep finances split. Seems there's a basic lack of trust / comfort / "us". If I were advising a young couple on marriage, near the top would be "you need to be a team - lose the mine/yours". 

I would tell them to keep it in their pants.

And no kids. They will kill your finances. 

 

[jwb]

I would tell them to keep it in their pants.

And no kids. They will kill your finances. 

 

[Bonzai]

Yea, of course whatever works is fine. I just haven't seen the split way work very often at all. Again, I think it comes down more to the mentality of one (or both) needing to keep finances split. Seems there's a basic lack of trust / comfort / "us". If I were advising a young couple on marriage, near the top would be "you need to be a team - lose the mine/yours". 

We don't "need" to do anything.  It's just the way we've always done it and I don't see a good reason to change it.  It's not any more complicated than that.

 

[jwb]

We don't "need" to do anything.  It's just the way we've always done it and I don't see a good reason to change it.  It's not any more complicated than that.

Fine. No offense meant. Do whatever works for you. 

 

[The General]

Yea, of course whatever works is fine. I just haven't seen the split way work very often at all. Again, I think it comes down more to the mentality of one (or both) needing to keep finances split. Seems there's a basic lack of trust / comfort / "us". If I were advising a young couple on marriage, near the top would be "you need to be a team - lose the mine/yours". 

Disagree on the lack of trust comment but if people need to have it all tied together for ease or comfort I get that.

 

[DallasDMac]

If you trust your partner and have shared values regarding money then it really doesn't matter whether you have joint or separate accounts.  That's all I'm saying.  I could see it becoming a problem if there was a difference in wages between partners, but that's not my situation.

Oddly enough, the difference in wages has never mattered to me. I've always made twice what my spouse has, but never really thought abut it since I think of money in joint terms. However, I could see where a large difference in spending might lead to issues!

 

[Steeler]

My sil and her husband had separate accounts. He made 2x what she did. I was over there once and they were arguing which one would spend "their" money to buy winter coats for the two young kids.

never understood why marrried couples would keep separate accounts unless you were trying to hide something.

eta or you do not trust your SO

That doesn't sound like a problem with the accounting system to me - sounds like they have much bigger problems since buying their kids winter coats should be an expense that comes from the joint account.

 

[DallasDMac]

That doesn't sound like a problem with the accounting system to me - sounds like they have much bigger problems since buying their kids winter coats should be an expense that comes from the joint account.

It sounds as if JS is saying they didn't have any joint account. I could be off on that though.

 

[Steeler]

It sounds as if JS is saying they didn't have any joint account. I could be off on that though.

My point is that this couple seems to have bigger problems that how they have chosen to setup their bank accounts.  Said another way, I doubt a joint account would make this couple's problems/arguing/whatever go away.

I said it earlier in the thread, but in my mind the way the accounts are setup is basically irrelevant.  I make way more than my wife but I have never thought about it in those terms when it comes to finances, bills, her spending, etc. Its our money.  We have a joint account and she spends pretty much whatever she wants, but she's responsible and stays within the budget.  So in my case, it wouldn't matter if we had the one account like we do now, 2 accounts where the bills are divided in some way, 2 separate accounts for "individual" spending + a joint account for all the bills, or any other random configuration -- we are both responsible spenders and generally have the same philosophy on spending/saving/etc.  The setup of the accounts doesn't drive any of that for us.

 

[gianmarco]

Some good insight to why some keep separate accounts.

That being typed, the numbers in the poll do reflect numbers from the articles I read and joint accounts still seem to be far more prevalent among married couples.

 

[ghostguy123]

The people who have separate accounts seem to think it's perfectly fine that other people have everything in joint accounts.  

However, the people with joint accounts seem to find it weird that some people have separate accounts.  

I find THAT weird.  

Any way that works for you is fine.  It's all the same really.  I just personally think having the separate accounts works better for us than if we had one main account.  We each have our own bills we are responsible for, we make sure we save what we talked about saving, then the remaining money each of us has we can do whatever with. 

 

[The General]

Some good insight to why some keep separate accounts.

That being typed, the numbers in the poll do reflect numbers from the articles I read and joint accounts still seem to be far more prevalent among married couples.

Not that it really matters but how many of the same account people have one of the people stay at home or making very little money? That pulls the number down some as they really don't have a choice.

 

[eoMMan]

The people who have separate accounts seem to think it's perfectly fine that other people have everything in joint accounts.  

However, the people with joint accounts seem to find it weird that some people have separate accounts.  

I find THAT weird.  

Any way that works for you is fine.  It's all the same really.  I just personally think having the separate accounts works better for us than if we had one main account.  We each have our own bills we are responsible for, we make sure we save what we talked about saving, then the remaining money each of us has we can do whatever with. 

Yup. Like many things in PERSONAL finance, it's...dare I say...personal. Whatever works best for the couple is what's best for them. People shouldn't be judged or called weird for what works for them.

 

[Gottabesweet]

We have a couple joint accounts.  Misc spending and savings.  It's 2018 so we don't write checks to each other.  We venmo funds if we need to move money around to certain checking accounts to auto pay some bills.

 

[Bossman]

Not in every case but in many, seems like the folks that are living pay check to pay check are more likely to keep separate accounts. Easier to keep each other accountable I guess.

Seems that money is still a common argument between so many of these couples.

I know more than one couple that have separate checking accounts from their spouse. He pays the mortgage, she pays utilities. So strange. 

Always keeping score ... you bought that so I bought this. "My turn to pay for dinner ... so that's why you ordered dessert? We have ice cream at home!"

Had a friend that would complain all the time about the wife shopping ...

He'd buy tools and equipment ... then she'd buy clothes and petty house stuff. Him "what do we need that for?".... her "but it was on sale". Now their divorced.

I'm thankful that my wife hates shopping ... and money has never been an issue for us. We both work full time with a joint account ...except for her little checking account that she set up when she had a small business.

 

[The General]

I didn’t realize it was so common to know this much about friend’s finances. I think I know for sure 2 of my close friends situations. One because he is a stay home dad. 

I’m struggling to remember a time when I heard couples openly complaining about finances in front of me. 

Don’t really know for sure how either of my brothers handle their finances. 

This may be unusual. 

 

[joey]

All accounts linked, both joint and old/historical separate checking accounts (where each of our direct deposits still go, so we don’t want to bother changing). And, most importantly, all accounts are linked electronically so we can do transfers to and from any account between the couple of banks in play. 

everything is so easy now with linked accounts and electronic payments (and auto-payments!). I think I hand write maybe 6 checks a year for things like tree trimming and property taxes. 

 

[guru_007]

This is for sure a TL;DR post........

I learned long ago to not tell people to do what their money.  It's their money, they can do as they please.  

I see absolutely no advantage to having separate accounts.  I have heard (a) it ain't broke don't fix it and (b) financial independence as the primary reasons for doing so.  Now, I really don't find either of these as an advantage.  And in fact I can detail significant disadvantages in having separate accounts.

Everyone's situation is different. I get that.  I think the key thing above all else is that you and your spouse need to be on the same page with your financial goals/planning.  Do you want to retire early?  Do you want to drive luxury vehicles?  Do you want to go on extravagant vacations while young? Do you have kids?  Do you want to contribute to their higher education?  Etc...etc...  There is only a limited amount of funds available and you need to determine together how these funds will be distributed.  If you are not on the same page it will not matter if you have joint or separate accounts or even how much you make because the funds will be limited no matter how much you make. 

So let’s get back to the separate accounts. There are a ton of minor disadvantages here.  First, you may be foregoing added benefits for higher account balances, be it in the manner of interest rates paid on savings, interest rates paid on loans, discounted fees for certain services available at higher balances, and so on.  As a bottom line guy, these all certainly add up and it is broke, so you should fix it. 

Let’s go to medium size disadvantages.  You may be missing out on significant discounts available on say bundling insurance policies.  And if you have separate investment accounts, you may be significantly overweight in certain investment types which can cause a big problem in the case of market correction, yield increases, and add years for you to retire because of not being properly diversified. eta - oh and multiple open accounts can lead to greater threat of identity theft, more paperwork/taxes missed/passwords.  AND it can lead to someone forgetting about accounts/money.  yeah, yeah, this could never happen to me.  It can happen and it will happen I know plenty of people, including my grandmother who seemingly forgot about a checking account with nearly $80K in it until one of her adult children took over her finances when she fell ill.  $80K!!!

But to me, the biggest disadvantages await further down the road and can rear their ugly head.  These will come out when you are not both flush with cash.  Maybe one of you is, and the other isn’t.  Perhaps it’s job loss.  Perhaps it’s an unexpected windfall.  Or perhaps it’s the need to be a primary care giver to one’s sibling or parent, or niece or nephew.  And one of the partners runs out of their accounts and is no longer able to properly contribute to the families costs.  What was easily dealt with when funds were readily available will start with a small argument, snow ball from there.

Now as a joint account person, that is not to say me and my wife do not have our own funds.  We do.  We stash away money to do with what we please.  Further, we each have our own credit cards.  So it’s not as if it’s a purely community property.  The joint account is rather to keep each other in check.  All of our pay is deposited directly into the joint account and funds are dispersed from there.  Knowing that my wife could possibly know I’ve taken out a bunch of money to bet on an event, probably keeps me from doing so. Conversely, having my wife know I can see if she takes out a bunch of money to buy that Coach purse she’s been eyeing probably keeps her from doing so.  But, more importantly, we communicate with each other when we want to do something like that.  It’s never been an issue because at the end of the day, we both have the same goals with our money in mind.  It doesn’t keep me up at night wondering, worrying if my wife is going through her money too quickly on frivolous purchases or how am I going to explain that I actually spent 3x more than I said on a golf weekend with the boys.  We still have financial independence to do things, we just may need to SAVE up for the big purchase instead of buying it on a whim.  I know this is un-American, but I can live with that.

I could go on and on, but end of the day, I really don’t care if you all have separate or joint accounts – I just wanted to lend a hand.

 

[Bull Dozier]

Hybrid answer, but I think mainly the answer is we have a joint account.

Both of our checks go into one account, but only my name is on the account. My wife is horrible with money  Even after 16 years of marriage, I wouldn't trust her with access to "our" money, and she knows that is pragmatic.

I pay all the bills, I plan the savings, etc.  Every pay day, she gets her discretionary money that she can do whatever she wants with.  She also has a couple of side jobs, and that goes into her account and she does whatever she wants with all of that, no questions asked.

I put the same amount of her discretionary funds aside for myself, but that stays in the same account as "our money."  I keep track separately of my own funds in the account.

Works for us, and since she has side jobs and plenty of spending money, we don't worry about money conversations anymore unless there are big purchases to make.

 

[The General]

This is for sure a TL;DR post........

I learned long ago to not tell people to do what their money.  It's their money, they can do as they please.  

I see absolutely no advantage to having separate accounts.  I have heard (a) it ain't broke don't fix it and (b) financial independence as the primary reasons for doing so.  Now, I really don't find either of these as an advantage.  And in fact I can detail significant disadvantages in having separate accounts.

Everyone's situation is different. I get that.  I think the key thing above all else is that you and your spouse need to be on the same page with your financial goals/planning.  Do you want to retire early?  Do you want to drive luxury vehicles?  Do you want to go on extravagant vacations while young? Do you have kids?  Do you want to contribute to their higher education?  Etc...etc...  There is only a limited amount of funds available and you need to determine together how these funds will be distributed.  If you are not on the same page it will not matter if you have joint or separate accounts or even how much you make because the funds will be limited no matter how much you make. 

So let’s get back to the separate accounts. There are a ton of minor disadvantages here.  First, you may be foregoing added benefits for higher account balances, be it in the manner of interest rates paid on savings, interest rates paid on loans, discounted fees for certain services available at higher balances, and so on.  As a bottom line guy, these all certainly add up and it is broke, so you should fix it. 

Let’s go to medium size disadvantages.  You may be missing out on significant discounts available on say bundling insurance policies.  And if you have separate investment accounts, you may be significantly overweight in certain investment types which can cause a big problem in the case of market correction, yield increases, and add years for you to retire because of not being properly diversified. eta - oh and multiple open accounts can lead to greater threat of identity theft, more paperwork/taxes missed/passwords.  AND it can lead to someone forgetting about accounts/money.  yeah, yeah, this could never happen to me.  It can happen and it will happen I know plenty of people, including my grandmother who seemingly forgot about a checking account with nearly $80K in it until one of her adult children took over her finances when she fell ill.  $80K!!!

But to me, the biggest disadvantages await further down the road and can rear their ugly head.  These will come out when you are not both flush with cash.  Maybe one of you is, and the other isn’t.  Perhaps it’s job loss.  Perhaps it’s an unexpected windfall.  Or perhaps it’s the need to be a primary care giver to one’s sibling or parent, or niece or nephew.  And one of the partners runs out of their accounts and is no longer able to properly contribute to the families costs.  What was easily dealt with when funds were readily available will start with a small argument, snow ball from there.

Now as a joint account person, that is not to say me and my wife do not have our own funds.  We do.  We stash away money to do with what we please.  Further, we each have our own credit cards.  So it’s not as if it’s a purely community property.  The joint account is rather to keep each other in check.  All of our pay is deposited directly into the joint account and funds are dispersed from there.  Knowing that my wife could possibly know I’ve taken out a bunch of money to bet on an event, probably keeps me from doing so. Conversely, having my wife know I can see if she takes out a bunch of money to buy that Coach purse she’s been eyeing probably keeps her from doing so.  But, more importantly, we communicate with each other when we want to do something like that.  It’s never been an issue because at the end of the day, we both have the same goals with our money in mind.  It doesn’t keep me up at night wondering, worrying if my wife is going through her money too quickly on frivolous purchases or how am I going to explain that I actually spent 3x more than I said on a golf weekend with the boys.  We still have financial independence to do things, we just may need to SAVE up for the big purchase instead of buying it on a whim.  I know this is un-American, but I can live with that.

I could go on and on, but end of the day, I really don’t care if you all have separate or joint accounts – I just wanted to lend a hand.

Some good points about discounts for bundling things. I’m pretty horrible about researching and taking advantage of these things, always plan on doing it just never get around to it.

Most of your other issues you raise come down to trust, communication, caring for each other’s situations, no? 

 

[guru_007]

Most of your other issues you raise come down to trust, communication, caring for each other’s situations, no? 

Sure they do, but keeping your funds separate does not inherently speak to an issue of trust?  What are you so afraid of that you can't combine your money with the person you are to spend the rest of your life with here?  And of course these situations aren't inclusive of spouses who keep their funds separate.  But, I have seen from experience it happen moreso with those with separate accounts.  If there is open communication and trust, then a lot of the bigger issues could go away. But it seems to me if people have separate accounts and spend as they please, when one of the partners is hit with recurring events which exhaust their funds, then they need to 'rely' on the other and this changes the dynamic incredibly.  If the funds were jointed together, this issue would have been dealt with much much earlier on in the relationship.

Again, to each their own though.  It's your own money, do as you please. 

 

[The General]

Sure they do, but keeping your funds separate does not inherently speak to an issue of trust?  What are you so afraid of that you can't combine your money with the person you are to spend the rest of your life with here?  And of course these situations aren't inclusive of spouses who keep their funds separate.  But, I have seen from experience it happen moreso with those with separate accounts.  If there is open communication and trust, then a lot of the bigger issues could go away. But it seems to me if people have separate accounts and spend as they please, when one of the partners is hit with recurring events which exhaust their funds, then they need to 'rely' on the other and this changes the dynamic incredibly.  If the funds were jointed together, this issue would have been dealt with much much earlier on in the relationship.

Again, to each their own though.  It's your own money, do as you please. 

I guess I don't see it that way. People's situations are different though. Making this about trust but then framing it with "it keeps us in check" is something I read a few times. Seems a bit forced.

Agreed different strokes for different folks.

 

[jwb]

But to me, the biggest disadvantages await further down the road and can rear their ugly head.  These will come out when you are not both flush with cash.  Maybe one of you is, and the other isn’t.  Perhaps it’s job loss.  Perhaps it’s an unexpected windfall.  Or perhaps it’s the need to be a primary care giver to one’s sibling or parent, or niece or nephew.  And one of the partners runs out of their accounts and is no longer able to properly contribute to the families costs.  What was easily dealt with when funds were readily available will start with a small argument, snow ball from there.

Now as a joint account person, that is not to say me and my wife do not have our own funds.  We do.  We stash away money to do with what we please.  Further, we each have our own credit cards.  So it’s not as if it’s a purely community property.

This is the biggest question I have for the "separate accounts" people. And I don't mean this to be snarky, because I've sensed some real defensiveness about it. But just looking at our poll numbers should suggest it's not the norm, so yea, a bunch of us will be surprised. It's not personal.

But anyway, my question is what happens when the funds are not equal (or change if they aren't equal now)? Job loss, inheritance / etc? What if your partner all of a sudden can't pull their end? Who pays for the kid's jackets then? Do you pony up for the electric, and how do you feel about that? Do you have to "give" them money to go out w/ their friends? How does that power dynamic play out? 

Now, the above could happen with a joint account, too. The account itself isn't a shield against anything. But, by virtue of the main joint account (as Gian described it in the OP), we've  (likely) already agreed "it's all one / we're equal." Our income is our income, and our bills are our bills. 

Again, I'm asking because I'm genuinely curious. No judgement. 

 

[John Bender]

This is the biggest question I have for the "separate accounts" people. And I don't mean this to be snarky, because I've sensed some real defensiveness about it. But just looking at our poll numbers should suggest it's not the norm, so yea, a bunch of us will be surprised. It's not personal.

But anyway, my question is what happens when the funds are not equal (or change if they aren't equal now)? Job loss, inheritance / etc? What if your partner all of a sudden can't pull their end? Who pays for the kid's jackets then? Do you pony up for the electric, and how do you feel about that? Do you have to "give" them money to go out w/ their friends? How does that power dynamic play out? 

Now, the above could happen with a joint account, too. The account itself isn't a shield against anything. But, by virtue of the main joint account (as Gian described it in the OP), we've  (likely) already agreed "it's all one / we're equal." Our income is our income, and our bills are our bills. 

Again, I'm asking because I'm genuinely curious. No judgement. 

Then we will discuss again, re-assign how our accounts are held, combine them, or whatever the other person needs to make sure we move forward as a single unit.  Right now, it's not necessary.  If it becomes necessary, we will definitely do so.  

ETA: I haven't seen any defensiveness out of the separate accounts people, I've seen them just answering questions.  I responded, I was asked "why", I answered why. I didn't hire an attorney to defend my wife here or call for a deposition on my wife.  

 

[The General]

This is the biggest question I have for the "separate accounts" people. And I don't mean this to be snarky, because I've sensed some real defensiveness about it. But just looking at our poll numbers should suggest it's not the norm, so yea, a bunch of us will be surprised. It's not personal.

But anyway, my question is what happens when the funds are not equal (or change if they aren't equal now)? Job loss, inheritance / etc? What if your partner all of a sudden can't pull their end? Who pays for the kid's jackets then? Do you pony up for the electric, and how do you feel about that? Do you have to "give" them money to go out w/ their friends? How does that power dynamic play out? 

Now, the above could happen with a joint account, too. The account itself isn't a shield against anything. But, by virtue of the main joint account (as Gian described it in the OP), we've  (likely) already agreed "it's all one / we're equal." Our income is our income, and our bills are our bills. 

Again, I'm asking because I'm genuinely curious. No judgement. 

I think marriage kind of establishes how bills are handled. You are “business partners” in that regard. Not really romantic there but laws have it covered. That’s the way I understand it at least. 

Not really sure the response I’d expect in telling someone they may not trust their wife based on something they know very little about other than stories about friends. 

Don’t mean that to sound ####ty but I think I would expect a reaction from that

 

[ghostguy123]

Our funds are not equal, which is why we are responsible for the bills we designate for ourselves.  I pay more of the bills.  Simple enough. 

If one of us had a significant drop in income, well, we would just re-assign who pays what.  Again, simple enough.  

 

[tonydead]

This is for sure a TL;DR post........

I could go on and on, but end of the day, I really don’t care if you all have separate or joint accounts – I just wanted to lend a hand.

Some good points, but, none of them affect me.   And a well put together Will with Power of Attorney has the worst covered, which everyone should have anyway.

 

[Tom Hagen]

Some good points, but, none of them affect me.   And a well put together Will with Power of Attorney has the worst covered, which everyone should have anyway.

That brings up another potential downside of separate accounts. If one spouse dies, the surviving spouse would have immediate access to joint accounts but in some states separate accounts would need to pass through probate before the surviving spouse could access them.  It may not be a big deal, but it's worth noting.

 

[jwb]

I think marriage kind of establishes how bills are handled. You are “business partners” in that regard. Not really romantic there but laws have it covered. That’s the way I understand it at least. 

Not really sure the response I’d expect in telling someone they may not trust their wife based on something they know very little about other than stories about friends. 

Don’t mean that to sound ####ty but I think I would expect a reaction from that

I never said the trust thing, but I could see why someone wouldn't like that though.

 

[Otis]

Married people with separate accounts and separate bills is still the weirdest thing ever. 

 

[DocHolliday]

Married people with separate accounts and separate bills is still the weirdest thing ever. 

It's not.  My wife and I make similar money.   I make a little more so I cover more of the bills.   

I didn't think your wife worked.   

 

[Sand]

Separate accounts, married in our 30s, she pays the health insurance I pay the mortgage that's still in her maiden name. We evened out the bills she pays and the ones I pay. She spends her money on what she wants. I spend mine on what I want. Not a single money argument! When we go out I pay. 

Hey honey, you know my mad money account?  Yeah, I invested it and now I'm flush for life.  I'm retiring next month.  How many years do you think until your accounts let you catch up?

 

[gianmarco]

Bump for retirement and wife spending threads?

 

[xulf]

Still a bunch of separate account weirdos in here.

 

[JohnnyU]

Without reading other posts in this thread, separate bank accounts is a bad idea.  Pull your money to make it work for you more effectively.  Don't think of your collective money as individual money.  Also, the #2 cause for divorce is fighting over money and I think having separate bank accounts where you don't let your collective money work for you is a mistake.  Now some like to say that each contribute toward the expenses and each put money in a joint savings, but that isn't enough IMO.  In the end, a marriage is a partnership and money should be considered as one for that partnership. 

 

[gianmarco]

My wife just learned that some people do this. She similarly had no idea this was a thing and doesn't quite understand how it works. 

 

[Sinn Fein]

My wife just learned that some people do this. She similarly had no idea this was a thing and doesn't quite understand how it works. 

Start hiding bank accounts?

 

[Terminalxylem]

Separate banking and investment accounts. Most payments are automated, and we don’t scrutinize each other’s spending habits. If an unexpected expense arises, one of us pays for it. 

Our only shared account is car insurance, and that’s proven a PITA, as a couple times we’ve been cut checks, which I didn’t realize required both signatures when I tried to deposit them.

 

[Terminalxylem]

I swear I learn some things here in threads that I never knew were so common. 

For those of you that are married, do you have a main joint account or do you just keep separate accounts?  If you have separate accounts, what is the purpose of it?

My wife and I have had a joint account ever since we got married (and actually started before once we knew we were getting married).  Our paychecks go into it and our mortgage/bills/credit cards get paid by it.  I don't even understand the purpose of separate accounts unless I was really trying to hide money (which is pretty common here, I suppose). 

I keep some cash on the side for things like going to a casino every once in a while or picking up a gift for her or whatever but even that isn't some huge secret (nor is it some significant amount).

My paycheck is our paycheck.  Her paycheck is our paycheck.  Bills are our bills.  I guess I don't understand the concept of married with separate finances but another thread seems to show that it's a common thing?  Maybe I'm lucky my wife doesn't just go spending money like crazy?  I mean, when I've gotten a check or something from friends for whatever reason, I think I've always seen joint names on it and just assumed virtually all married couples just have one main account they use and deposit into.

One barrier to a joint account: it takes extra effort to create one. We just never bothered, and I don’t see much benefit if both spouses are gainfully employed and trust one another.

 

[snellman]

Separate accounts but both are joint accounts.  It drives her nuts that I don't keep a check register so we agreed when we met to have separate accounts.  I check my account online daily, don't write any checks so I don't see a need for a register. I pay certain bills, she pays certain bills.  we each have a debit card for the others account and if I use my card for "her" account, I just make sure to give here the receipt.

 

[Terminalxylem]

So who pays for the mortgage?  Utility bills?  Insurance?  Car?  Do you divvy things up like roommates?

This is so strange and foreign to me.

No mortgage, but I paid it when we had one (auto deduction from my account). I pay most of the utilities. She pays for many big ticket items, like vacations. Cars are paid for at time of purchase, by the purchaser.

But there’s no expectation that we both pay our “fair” share - there is no functional distinction between my, her and our money.

No, I don’t treat my wife like a roommate. I pay for stuff when the need arises, and so does she. Fortunately, we both earn a good living, don’t spend recklessly and never get upset about finances.
 

 

[Dezbelief]

I think part of it is when in life the marriage occurs and if either spouse brings any assets into the marriage. It's easier to comingle finances when you're young and both spouses are mainly bringing student loan debt into the relationship. 

 

[Terminalxylem]

My wife just learned that some people do this. She similarly had no idea this was a thing and doesn't quite understand how it works. 

1. Paychecks are auto deposited into separate checking accounts.

2. Recurring expenses are paid from one of those accounts; it doesn’t matter which one. There is no ledger to determine if each party pays their “share.”

3. Most payments are automated and paperless, coming from whomever bothered to set up the account initially.

4. Non-automated bills or expenses are paid when they occur, by whomever happens to get the mail/see the bill/grab their credit card first. We might discuss payment logistics for larger expenses, but usually we just do it.

5. Same goes for going out to dinner, etc.

6. Nobody scrutinizes the other partner’s spending, and we aren’t concerned about a “budget.” We’re extremely fortunate in this regard, as our income individually is more than enough to support both our spending habits and save for retirement. Since we both earn roughly the same, the second salary is effectively insurance, if something goes financially awry.

7. I don’t “hide” money/expenses from my wife, and I assume she’d say the same.

Make sense?

ETA It’s actually easier than creating and maintaining separate + joint accounts, apportioning expenses and worrying if some arbitrary level of “fairness” is achieved.

 

[Warrior]

It only doesn't make sense to you because you're both on similar footing $ wise. And/or neither of you had much $ to begin with. 

If one spouse enters the marriage with $50 million and the other enters with $0, the former may want their accounts protected for a certain amount of time. 50% of marriages end in divorce. Sometimes it's neither partner's fault. That's not being negative, it's being rational and intelligent about an important topic. 

 

[DA RAIDERS]

Fascinating subject.

 

[the moops]

I laugh at the "small accounts with less than 5K" thing. Small?

 

[eoMMan]

Mostly separate in terms of dollar value but we also have joint savings/mortgage/etc.

 

[dgreen]

I laugh at the "small accounts with less than 5K" thing. Small?

Do you have any kind of savings put away?

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