Family controversy - Wedding Invitations (1 Viewer)

[Wyld Stallyns]

"My wife keeps forgetting to put her clothes away. I'm seriously thinking about punching her in the face. What do you guys think?" 30 minutes later "Easy fellas. I was just asking your opinion on things like this."

 

[Wrigley]

No kids is a great idea

My wife and I did this too.....only difference is my mother is the oldest of 17, and I the oldest of some 53 grandchildren

We had 300 attend our wedding, if we would have allowed children, it would have certainly been over 400

 

[Premier]

Why do people not want kids at their wedding?

Because they suck.

 

[Jayded]

This is common practice nowadays. I don't think it's anything personal as much as it is to make it an adult-only celebration.

We have a kid under 3 and have been to two weddings at the extremes of these: No kids at the reception, though the couple paid for babysitters to watch the children and a wedding like the one you were invited to. We took it as a night for mom and dad out where we could leave our son with grandma and have fun with friends and booze it up that night.

 

[matuski]

It's funny when the poster asks a question that he is certain will curry sympathy only to do exactly the opposite.

I love these threads.

Except when it happens to me.

 

[Henry Ford]

I received an invitation to a black tie event at the White House. Thinking of saying 'to hell with them' and wearing shorts. How dare they tell me what to wear?

 

[Christo]

I received an invitation to a black tie event at the White House. Thinking of saying 'to hell with them' and wearing shorts. How dare they tell me what to wear?

Bring your kids too. That'll learn 'em.

 

[Otis]

Seriously?

A couple of family members on my wife's side (her uncles etc.) decided not to attend our wedding because it was where my wife and I life (2-3 hour drive from her family/where she grew up) and they are traditional italians and believe a woman should be married in her hometown. So they didn't show. You think I cared? I was thrilled not to have to deal with their crappy gifts that probably wouldn't have covered the plates, and I have no need to ever have to be friendly with these people in life. Love it when a bunch of in-laws eliminate themselves from my life -- it's like they just announced "hey we are totally awful people and would be a major PIA for the rest of your lives, but on the bright side you have an excuse to never go out of your way for us ever." Thx!

Don't be that guy. Just relax and let the couple do what they want. Jesus.

 

[Otis]

And lol at this being a "controversy." It's really not.

 

[bentley]

This is common practice nowadays. I don't think it's anything personal as much as it is to make it an adult-only celebration.

We have a kid under 3 and have been to two weddings at the extremes of these: No kids at the reception, though the couple paid for babysitters to watch the children and a wedding like the one you were invited to. We took it as a night for mom and dad out where we could leave our son with grandma and have fun with friends and booze it up that night.

This. We offered child care at our wedding and reception, but I don't think anyone took us up on it. They were smart enough to leave the kids at home.

 

[Billy Bats]

My niece is getting married. In her invitations, it is written "We ask that children under 12 do not attend." In my wife's immediate family, that rule only affects two families (one is mine). While it's not a personal exclusion to those two kids, it's hard not to consider it personal. One family has already RSVP'd with ZERO. So what do you think? Is this perfectly okay? Is my SIL being a jerk? Should I bring my grandson to the reception anyways?

I would like some clarification on a couple things. You say that one of the families affected is yours, then you ask if you should take your grandson anyway. So you're picking a fight for your son/daughter? WTF gramps mind your business and let them decide what to do, they're grown ups now. And why is your SIL being a jerk? Is she in charge of her daughter's wedding? And what color do you you have to wear?!

 

[Apple Jack]

I understand people want to have the perfect wedding with no disruption. But I think it sends a bad message to start off a new family (getting married) by excluding others just because some little punk might be a nuissance. At some point, maybe they have kids and go through the same thing. That's a selfish thing for them to do but if I were you I'd still accomodate. Not a beach worth dying on (at least not yet).

Message?

 

[Pick]

What's the rule with receptions?

 

[TLEF316]

I just can't wrap my head around why you would even WANT to bring a young child to a wedding. They won't have any fun and they could stop you from having fun in the process.

Not a parent, so maybe I just don't get it, but isn't this pretty much the perfect occasion to ditch the kids for a night and have some adult time?

 

[Billy Bats]

I just can't wrap my head around why you would even WANT to bring a young child to a wedding. They won't have any fun and they could stop you from having fun in the process. Not a parent, so maybe I just don't get it, but isn't this pretty much the perfect occasion to ditch the kids for a night and have some adult time?

It's not even his kid!

 

[Eviloutsider]

100-150 for a plate? Wow, we went cheap with our wedding. To be fair most of our gifts from people were $50 per couple. Wisconsin farmers, we're cheap!

Also, if someone told us no kids I would love to opportunity to stay home with him and watch the Brewers while I send the wife by herself.

 

[Henry Ford]

I received an invitation to a black tie event at the White House. Thinking of saying 'to hell with them' and wearing shorts. How dare they tell me what to wear?

Bring your kids too. That'll learn 'em.

They also said something about not peeing in the sink. We'll see how that goes.

 

[Apple Jack]

Wow I would use this as a golden ticket to stay home with the kids. Or better yet get baby sitter and go out and have fun. If anyone asked why I wasn't there I would lie and say I couldn't find a sitter. I will say I am a bit of a jerk so maybe don't do what I would.

I see people say this on this site. If you don't want to go, then don't go. If that's the way you feel, then it's pretty likely that nobody will care if you don't show up.

 

[Wildcat]

I just can't wrap my head around why you would even WANT to bring a young child to a wedding. They won't have any fun and they could stop you from having fun in the process. Not a parent, so maybe I just don't get it, but isn't this pretty much the perfect occasion to ditch the kids for a night and have some adult time?

Kids have a blast at the reception. They like to get out on the dance floor and act goofy. That being said, personally I would find a sitter for my kids so I could get loaded and act goofy on the dance floor.

 

[culdeus]

Why would you be taking your grandkid anywhere? Where are the parents?

 

[Fennis]

I always knew God invented the emoticon for a reason.

 

[Johnny Rock]

Unless this is a very small wedding with immediate family only, I don't see how anyone could think only two families with kids are invited. Then to say you're not making it about you? IMO this example is the very definition of making it about you.

Let it go. Or better yet, follow some of the advice given and ask the bride why your grandson is being singled out.

 

[Apple Jack]

What a choad licker.

 

[the moops]

Unless this is a very small wedding with immediate family only, I don't see how anyone could think only two families with kids are invited.

Nobody thinks this but a few folks in here who struggle with reading.

 

[comfortably numb]

If you do show up with a kid, please change your user name to "The Doosh"

 

[culdeus]

Without trying to be too harsh, I assume this kid was born to a teenage mother and you and your wife are raising the kid as your own? It would make some sense here. Otherwise I can't see why you couldn't just leave the kid with the parents and go. Something doesn't add up.

Maybe they really are singling you out and don't want that as a distraction if the bio-mom shows up as well?

 

[dino259]

Why do people not want kids at their wedding? I never really understood this. Families that bring kids don't stay around long anyway. They go to the ceremony, eat some food at the reception, and are mostly out of there before the good stuff starts. And why is a 12 year old OK, but not an 11 year old? There has got to be some dooshy 11 year old in your family or something?

Cost? At over $100+/plate I wouldn't want them either.

kids are usually much cheaper cuz they get chicken fingers and cant drink alcohol

Right, and if it's catered at a price per plate they still get charged for a full plate

no im saying the place charges less per child. Catering hall i got married in charged $100 per adult and $50 per child.

Especially with divorce rates now a days, why would anyone pay this much for a party? I know I am a cheapskate and different parts of the country cost different amounts, but WTF?

 

[bigbottom]

Why do people not want kids at their wedding? I never really understood this. Families that bring kids don't stay around long anyway. They go to the ceremony, eat some food at the reception, and are mostly out of there before the good stuff starts. And why is a 12 year old OK, but not an 11 year old? There has got to be some dooshy 11 year old in your family or something?

Cost? At over $100+/plate I wouldn't want them either.

kids are usually much cheaper cuz they get chicken fingers and cant drink alcohol

Right, and if it's catered at a price per plate they still get charged for a full plate

no im saying the place charges less per child. Catering hall i got married in charged $100 per adult and $50 per child.

Especially with divorce rates now a days, why would anyone pay this much for a party? I know I am a cheapskate and different parts of the country cost different amounts, but WTF?

One of my closest friends got married and the bride's parents spent in the neighborhood of $350k on the wedding. I was in the wedding party, and it was quite the affair. Nine months later, the bride was having an affair and they separated. Divorce was finalized shortly after the one year mark, I believe.

Edit: And it's not like the family was filthy rich. They were well off, sure, but I think the wedding tapped out much of their savings. This was their only daughter, and they gave her anything and everything she wanted.

 

[comfortably numb]

Why do people not want kids at their wedding? I never really understood this. Families that bring kids don't stay around long anyway. They go to the ceremony, eat some food at the reception, and are mostly out of there before the good stuff starts. And why is a 12 year old OK, but not an 11 year old? There has got to be some dooshy 11 year old in your family or something?

Cost? At over $100+/plate I wouldn't want them either.

kids are usually much cheaper cuz they get chicken fingers and cant drink alcohol

Right, and if it's catered at a price per plate they still get charged for a full plate

no im saying the place charges less per child. Catering hall i got married in charged $100 per adult and $50 per child.

Especially with divorce rates now a days, why would anyone pay this much for a party? I know I am a cheapskate and different parts of the country cost different amounts, but WTF?

One of my closest friends got married and the bride's parents spent in the neighborhood of $350k on the wedding. I was in the wedding party, and it was quite the affair. Nine months later, the bride was having an affair and they separated. Divorce was finalized shortly after the one year mark, I believe.

Edit: And it's not like the family was filthy rich. They were well off, sure, but I think the wedding tapped out much of their savings. This was their only daughter, and they gave her anything and everything she wanted.

Ou to the muthaficng CH

 

[culdeus]

Why do people not want kids at their wedding? I never really understood this. Families that bring kids don't stay around long anyway. They go to the ceremony, eat some food at the reception, and are mostly out of there before the good stuff starts. And why is a 12 year old OK, but not an 11 year old? There has got to be some dooshy 11 year old in your family or something?

Cost? At over $100+/plate I wouldn't want them either.

kids are usually much cheaper cuz they get chicken fingers and cant drink alcohol

Right, and if it's catered at a price per plate they still get charged for a full plate

no im saying the place charges less per child. Catering hall i got married in charged $100 per adult and $50 per child.

Especially with divorce rates now a days, why would anyone pay this much for a party? I know I am a cheapskate and different parts of the country cost different amounts, but WTF?

One of my closest friends got married and the bride's parents spent in the neighborhood of $350k on the wedding. I was in the wedding party, and it was quite the affair. Nine months later, the bride was having an affair and they separated. Divorce was finalized shortly after the one year mark, I believe.

Edit: And it's not like the family was filthy rich. They were well off, sure, but I think the wedding tapped out much of their savings. This was their only daughter, and they gave her anything and everything she wanted.

Itemize the 350k for me as best you can.

 

[Godsbrother]

Why do people not want kids at their wedding? I never really understood this. Families that bring kids don't stay around long anyway. They go to the ceremony, eat some food at the reception, and are mostly out of there before the good stuff starts.

And why is a 12 year old OK, but not an 11 year old?

There has got to be some dooshy 11 year old in your family or something?

Cost? At over $100+/plate I wouldn't want them either.

I paid for the beverages for my son's wedding three years ago at a fancy country club. I can't speak for the food but the cost for the drinks was $50 per person for every person, including children so imagine the food was the same. I thought it was ridiculous but there wasn't a whole lot I could do about it. I encouraged all of the kids in attendance to drink soda until they barfed.

And my response to OP: It is a perfectly reasonable request to not have children attend a wedding. You and the other party that are offended are out of line. If you don't want to go then don't but IMO you are being jerks.

 

[bigbottom]

Why do people not want kids at their wedding? I never really understood this. Families that bring kids don't stay around long anyway. They go to the ceremony, eat some food at the reception, and are mostly out of there before the good stuff starts. And why is a 12 year old OK, but not an 11 year old? There has got to be some dooshy 11 year old in your family or something?

Cost? At over $100+/plate I wouldn't want them either.

kids are usually much cheaper cuz they get chicken fingers and cant drink alcohol

Right, and if it's catered at a price per plate they still get charged for a full plate

no im saying the place charges less per child. Catering hall i got married in charged $100 per adult and $50 per child.

Especially with divorce rates now a days, why would anyone pay this much for a party? I know I am a cheapskate and different parts of the country cost different amounts, but WTF?

One of my closest friends got married and the bride's parents spent in the neighborhood of $350k on the wedding. I was in the wedding party, and it was quite the affair. Nine months later, the bride was having an affair and they separated. Divorce was finalized shortly after the one year mark, I believe.

Edit: And it's not like the family was filthy rich. They were well off, sure, but I think the wedding tapped out much of their savings. This was their only daughter, and they gave her anything and everything she wanted.

Itemize the 350k for me as best you can.

Total shot in the dark:

Catering and open bar: $87,500 (500 guests at $175 per)

Assembly of giant tent for the reception: $75,000

Flowers: $25,000

Entertainment: $20,000

Wedding dress: $20,000

Cigar bar: $5,000

Decorations and other rentals: $30,000

Other staff expense: $15,000

Tons of other crap: the balance

 

[McGarnicle]

It is extremely selfish of them not to allow kids at their wedding. They shouldn't get married if they are going to act like this. And you definitely shouldn't attend. If you go to this wedding, they win and you look like a punk. You're not a punk, are you? Are you??

 

[Henry Ford]

Why do people not want kids at their wedding? I never really understood this. Families that bring kids don't stay around long anyway. They go to the ceremony, eat some food at the reception, and are mostly out of there before the good stuff starts. And why is a 12 year old OK, but not an 11 year old? There has got to be some dooshy 11 year old in your family or something?

Cost? At over $100+/plate I wouldn't want them either.

kids are usually much cheaper cuz they get chicken fingers and cant drink alcohol

Right, and if it's catered at a price per plate they still get charged for a full plate

no im saying the place charges less per child. Catering hall i got married in charged $100 per adult and $50 per child.

Especially with divorce rates now a days, why would anyone pay this much for a party? I know I am a cheapskate and different parts of the country cost different amounts, but WTF?

One of my closest friends got married and the bride's parents spent in the neighborhood of $350k on the wedding. I was in the wedding party, and it was quite the affair. Nine months later, the bride was having an affair and they separated. Divorce was finalized shortly after the one year mark, I believe.

Edit: And it's not like the family was filthy rich. They were well off, sure, but I think the wedding tapped out much of their savings. This was their only daughter, and they gave her anything and everything she wanted.

Itemize the 350k for me as best you can.

An attorney I know threw his daughter a wedding like this recently.

The wedding dress was $25,000.00

The shoes were $5,000.00

There were 500 guests at $150 a pop at the reception for $75,000.00

The flowers were in the neighborhood of $10,000.00-$15,000.00

Those are the only hard costs I know of, but that doesn't include much of anything.

 

[[icon]]

Just went to my cousins wedding this past weekend in Boston. No kids rule was in effect... Which was tough on my brother who flew in from FL with his 2 young daughters. They took the kids to the service then got a sitter for them in the hotel room thanks up some help from other family members. No big deal.

End result. My brother and his wife had a lot more fun. Those of us who prefer the event not be cluttered with kids running rampant underfoot had a lot more fun. Win win across the board... All for about 75 bucks in babysitting fees.

 

[Runningman]

Why do people not want kids at their wedding? I never really understood this. Families that bring kids don't stay around long anyway. They go to the ceremony, eat some food at the reception, and are mostly out of there before the good stuff starts. And why is a 12 year old OK, but not an 11 year old? There has got to be some dooshy 11 year old in your family or something?

Cost? At over $100+/plate I wouldn't want them either.

kids are usually much cheaper cuz they get chicken fingers and cant drink alcohol

Right, and if it's catered at a price per plate they still get charged for a full plate

no im saying the place charges less per child. Catering hall i got married in charged $100 per adult and $50 per child.

Especially with divorce rates now a days, why would anyone pay this much for a party? I know I am a cheapskate and different parts of the country cost different amounts, but WTF?

One of my closest friends got married and the bride's parents spent in the neighborhood of $350k on the wedding. I was in the wedding party, and it was quite the affair. Nine months later, the bride was having an affair and they separated. Divorce was finalized shortly after the one year mark, I believe.

Edit: And it's not like the family was filthy rich. They were well off, sure, but I think the wedding tapped out much of their savings. This was their only daughter, and they gave her anything and everything she wanted.

Itemize the 350k for me as best you can.

Total shot in the dark:

Catering and open bar: $87,500 (500 guests at $175 per)

Assembly of giant tent for the reception: $75,000

Flowers: $25,000

Entertainment: $20,000

Wedding dress: $20,000

Cigar bar: $5,000

Decorations and other rentals: $30,000

Other staff expense: $15,000

Tons of other crap: the balance

Stupid is as stupid does. I would have to be a billionaire to spend 350K on a wedding. That is beyond stupid.

 

[Apple Jack]

How does anybody ask that of their parents? My condolences to them. They raised a ####ing idiot.

 

[Abraham]

I have been to a million dollar wedding and two that cost in the mid six figures. The million dollar wedding was at the Bacara resort in Santa Monica and featured a 7 course meal that included two different wine pairings per course, two bands and a dj, and four different wedding cakes to go with an open bar and open wine cellar for 8 hours.

 

[culdeus]

Jesus Christ. My family has a few wedding planners in it. It is a good side income. Anyways they say the open bars at clubs tend to lose money for the clubs. They just make it back on the site fees. People are more likely to balk at 50+ head for drinks and then go beer wine which is a huge money loss in Texas as you can BYO in as a food service with an increased legal liability. I don't get how 50/head doesn't cover booze costs at these events, but apparently that's not even enough to do it. YMMV.

 

[[icon]]

I have been to a million dollar wedding and two that cost in the mid six figures. The million dollar wedding was at the Bacara resort in Santa Monica and featured a 7 course meal that included two different wine pairings per course, two bands and a dj, and four different wedding cakes to go with an open bar and open wine cellar for 8 hours.

Good times.

 

[Godsbrother]

One of my closest friends got married and the bride's parents spent in the neighborhood of $350k on the wedding. I was in the wedding party, and it was quite the affair. Nine months later, the bride was having an affair and they separated. Divorce was finalized shortly after the one year mark, I believe.

Edit: And it's not like the family was filthy rich. They were well off, sure, but I think the wedding tapped out much of their savings. This was their only daughter, and they gave her anything and everything she wanted.

Sounds like my aunt and uncle. Their son had a ridiculously lavish wedding and the wife was broke so they paid for the whole thing. They weren't rich but the wedding had to be first class all of the way and spent way over their heads.

Their son (my cousin) was a fun guy to be around but had lots of issues (drugs, gambling, etc.). The marriage lasted about 4 months before she got tired of his shenanigans and divorced him. The really sad part was my cousin passing away in his 30s due to a heart attack. They probably just finished paying off the wedding when they had to spring for a funeral.

 

[[icon]]

I understand people want to have the perfect wedding with no disruption. But I think it sends a bad message to start off a new family (getting married) by excluding others just because some little punk might be a nuissance. At some point, maybe they have kids and go through the same thing. That's a selfish thing for them to do but if I were you I'd still accomodate. Not a beach worth dying on (at least not yet).

Message?

;goodposting:

Not everyone wants to have 50 kids, Jeddadiah.

 

[Rick James]

dude, kids hate weddings anyway. go with the wife and have fun.

 

[Runningman]

I have been to a million dollar wedding and two that cost in the mid six figures. The million dollar wedding was at the Bacara resort in Santa Monica and featured a 7 course meal that included two different wine pairings per course, two bands and a dj, and four different wedding cakes to go with an open bar and open wine cellar for 8 hours.

If you got the dough go for it. Spending your life savings in a day is beyond words dumb.

 

[gianmarco]

This is common practice nowadays. I don't think it's anything personal as much as it is to make it an adult-only celebration.

We have a kid under 3 and have been to two weddings at the extremes of these: No kids at the reception, though the couple paid for babysitters to watch the children and a wedding like the one you were invited to. We took it as a night for mom and dad out where we could leave our son with grandma and have fun with friends and booze it up that night.

This. We offered child care at our wedding and reception, but I don't think anyone took us up on it. They were smart enough to leave the kids at home.

That's actually a pretty awesome idea. Never thought of or heard of that.

 

[Ignoramus]

Why do people not want kids at their wedding? I never really understood this. Families that bring kids don't stay around long anyway. They go to the ceremony, eat some food at the reception, and are mostly out of there before the good stuff starts. And why is a 12 year old OK, but not an 11 year old? There has got to be some dooshy 11 year old in your family or something?

Cost? At over $100+/plate I wouldn't want them either.

kids are usually much cheaper cuz they get chicken fingers and cant drink alcohol

Right, and if it's catered at a price per plate they still get charged for a full plate

no im saying the place charges less per child. Catering hall i got married in charged $100 per adult and $50 per child.

Especially with divorce rates now a days, why would anyone pay this much for a party? I know I am a cheapskate and different parts of the country cost different amounts, but WTF?

One of my closest friends got married and the bride's parents spent in the neighborhood of $350k on the wedding. I was in the wedding party, and it was quite the affair. Nine months later, the bride was having an affair and they separated. Divorce was finalized shortly after the one year mark, I believe. Edit: And it's not like the family was filthy rich. They were well off, sure, but I think the wedding tapped out much of their savings. This was their only daughter, and they gave her anything and everything she wanted.

Itemize the 350k for me as best you can.

Total shot in the dark: Catering and open bar: $87,500 (500 guests at $175 per)Assembly of giant tent for the reception: $75,000Flowers: $25,000Entertainment: $20,000Wedding dress: $20,000Cigar bar: $5,000Decorations and other rentals: $30,000Other staff expense: $15,000Tons of other crap: the balance

Somebody get Dentist in here ASAP.

 

[ATC1]

Unless the wedding is of a 1st cousin to more immediate, I leave my kids at home even if they are invited. I want to have a good time, hold conversations with people I hardly get to see, dance, etc. without having to worry about my children. My kids would rather be at the other side's grandmother's house getting spoiled rotten. Of course I bring pictures (for those who ask...).

 

[Kanil]

I think it's her wedding and she should get exactly what she wants. If you take a kid there against her wishes, you could be ruining her wedding day. If you don't like it, you don't have to go but I think it'd be a #### move not to.

 

[Hang 10]

My niece is getting married. In her invitations, it is written "We ask that children under 12 do not attend." In my wife's immediate family, that rule only affects two families (one is mine). While it's not a personal exclusion to those two kids, it's hard not to consider it personal. One family has already RSVP'd with ZERO. So what do you think? Is this perfectly okay? Is my SIL being a jerk? Should I bring my grandson to the reception anyways?

Grandson? So you're not even talking about one of your children?

 

[RUSF18]

As everyone says, this is your issue, not theirs. Enjoy your night without the grandson, or don't go.

I do think it's a little weird how the request was made ("please no kids under 12"), but maybe this is a regional thing when it comes to the invitation. If they don't want kids there, don't invite them. You do this by addressing the invitation to "Mr. and Mrs. The Dude" and leaving out anything about "and Family" or "and Grandson". This way if you want to have all your cousins there but not friends' kids, you can put the "and family" on those envelopes and leave it off others. And if there's a teenage kid you do want there, name them specifically on the invitation. Then there's no need for blanket statements.