My brother left a note in my car for me. He's been having a hard time interacting with me because I am constantly trying to get him to spend more wisely or save a little now that he's back from an extended stint of homelessness and imprisonment. I think he gets defensive about it because of how hard he had it the last few years. But in his situation, he doesn't get to call timeout and not be poor anymore. This is how life works every day:
So now you tell me: why don't I have a lot of big and tall sized clothes for myself? How could I have "blown" my money when I was living with mom for a couple months? How do I convince you I did. Y best to search for a place?"
I am having difficulty understanding what your brother is trying to convey in the bolded paragraph. Clearly the whole note is a powerful statement on the difficulties of being homeless and how much effort it takes to get out of that cycle. I think the bolded is the statement that ties the difficulty of being homeless with the debate we are having in this thread but I am not sure exactly how.I can even see it is an argument for why people who need food stamps shouldn't be buying $41 cakes regardless of context.
Are you able to clarify that for me?
Sure. I've been telling him the same things others have said in this thread. You need to try to save. You need to spend wisely. You need to get clothes and other necessities.He was homeless in california just a few short months ago, and after I got him back here, he really wasn't ready to jump back in to the day to day routine of living in an apartment and having a fridge. He was used to walking everywhere and being chased around the city by cops who repeatedly tazered him and hurt him. He was badly broken when he got back here, as many homeless mentally ill people are.
His letter to me, unrelated to this thread, was basically telling me that he didn't want me to judge him because he didn't save enough, or buy the right things, or find an apartment fast enough, because he had been living so insanely hand to mouth the last few years that he had very little concept of what to do when he got back.
is that an argument that he shouldn't buy 41 dollar cakes? Sure. I said as much myself. But its also some interesting perspective on why he might not have been able to afford a 1 dollar cake back when he was homeless, because he was robbed repeatedly, and had a lot of expenses that you and I don't think about. And more to the point, he's explaining why he didn't do a great job saving once he got back, because he's still in "take what you can get when you can get it" mode, in a very fight or flight, post traumatic stress mentality. Its a tough adjustment for him.
Its also hard for me. My initial reaction is that he should save, and he shouldnt ever get a pizza or eat takeout, especially if he's going to come back later and ask for money when he can't afford first month, last month and security. He had enough to cover it, in theory, if he had lived on bologna sandwiches and ramen noodles. So now I wonder if I should help him with those things or if im enabling him. Its not an easy question. Hence his letter to me.