Funny things your kid has said (2 Viewers)

[B Maverick]

My 11 yo was at her mom's and we were texting.  Told her that the grocery store was out of her favorite snack

Her response:

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! *ten years later* noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"

Was laughing so hard I couldnt respond.

 

[El Floppo]

My 11 yo was at her mom's and we were texting.  Told her that the grocery store was out of her favorite snack

Her response:

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! *ten years later* noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"

Was laughing so hard I couldnt respond.

 I'm going to be stealing that one.

 

[El Floppo]

12yo floppinho tends to talk really fast... often hard for us to understand what he says, which frustrates him.

says something like "byute", so we ask ..huh?

- you know- mute. 

and while saying it covers his eyes with both hands

- MUTE

 

[B Maverick]

My 11 yo has been playing an iPad game called "Little Alchemy".  https://littlealchemy.com/  For those not familiar, you start with the 4 elements and you combine them to make more items.  For instance, earth and fire make lava, lava and water then make obsidian, air and fire makes energy.  580 different items you can make, some getting more fantastic and obscure as you go on.  Shes managed 323 items so far including Yoda, Darth Vader, Unicorns and basic things like cheese, chimneys, chicken soup....

So she just texted me a screen shot of the game with 8 Godzillas and 7 cities  on the screen.  She captioned with:

ATTACK!
Godzilla is coming!!!!!!!!

 

[ChiefD]

My 11 yo has been playing an iPad game called "Little Alchemy".  https://littlealchemy.com/  For those not familiar, you start with the 4 elements and you combine them to make more items.  For instance, earth and fire make lava, lava and water then make obsidian, air and fire makes energy.  580 different items you can make, some getting more fantastic and obscure as you go on.  Shes managed 323 items so far including Yoda, Darth Vader, Unicorns and basic things like cheese, chimneys, chicken soup....

So she just texted me a screen shot of the game with 8 Godzillas and 7 cities  on the screen.  She captioned with:

ATTACK!
Godzilla is coming!!!!!!!!

Well, there's my afternoon.

Thanks. 

 

[B Maverick]

Well, there's my afternoon.

Thanks. 

Enjoy...

She just sent another picture of a canon she made, captioned "BOOM"

And another notes as "all the most magical things in the world".  On the screen: Godzilla, Unicorn, Mermaid, Darth Vader, Yoda, Narwhal, Robot, Rainbow, Jedi, Dinosaur, Dragon, Ice Cream, Donut.  

Because chocolate ice cream and donuts are very magical to an 11 year old.

 

[ChiefD]

Enjoy...

She just sent another picture of a canon she made, captioned "BOOM"

And another notes as "all the most magical things in the world".  On the screen: Godzilla, Unicorn, Mermaid, Darth Vader, Yoda, Narwhal, Robot, Rainbow, Jedi, Dinosaur, Dragon, Ice Cream, Donut.  

Because chocolate ice cream and donuts are very magical to an 11 year old.

This is pretty cool. I'll show this to the kids tonight. 

 

[El Floppo]

This is pretty cool. I'll show this to the kids tonight. 

same... after I finish.  

 

[ChiefD]

same... after I finish.  

I'm up to 35.

You? 

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

Because chocolate ice cream and donuts are very magical to an 11 year old.

I fail to see why there's an age cap there.

 

[UOFI_316]

same... after I finish.  

So you started playing the game 2 minutes after this post?

 

[ChiefD]

My 11 yo has been playing an iPad game called "Little Alchemy".  https://littlealchemy.com/  For those not familiar, you start with the 4 elements and you combine them to make more items.  For instance, earth and fire make lava, lava and water then make obsidian, air and fire makes energy.  580 different items you can make, some getting more fantastic and obscure as you go on.  Shes managed 323 items so far including Yoda, Darth Vader, Unicorns and basic things like cheese, chimneys, chicken soup....

So she just texted me a screen shot of the game with 8 Godzillas and 7 cities  on the screen.  She captioned with:

ATTACK!
Godzilla is coming!!!!!!!!

Kids love it. My 9 year old got like 15 that were different than what I got today.

 

[B Maverick]

I fail to see why there's an age cap there.

 

[ChiefD]

My kids are I am up to 89 today. 

 

[El Floppo]

Daughter (4), urgently approached and said we needed to play “Police Officer Dad” and said we needed to arrest my 9 yo boy. We rushed to him and I grabbed him aggressively by the wrist, told him he’s under arrest, and asked my daughter what the charges were.

”He letted someone poop in his pants!”

And he was found guilty on all charges.

Link

 

[bcdjr1]

Taught my 4 year old daughter that when confronted with the question of whether she did something bad, point over your shoulder with your thumb and say, “It was the other guy.”

She’s been doing this pretty regularly and got so proficient that wife just walked into the playroom and discovered a mess my daughter made, and daughter was already pointing over her shoulder before my wife asked, “Who made this mess?”

https://youtu.be/U-5hmzlLuzo

 

[Dan Lambskin]

Kids had baseball pictures today, photographer let them pick from an old box of baseball cards

my kid got John Smoltz and Robin Yount and provided and proceeded to make them fight Pokémon style 

Me: you know those guys are both hall of famers?

kid:  so he’s like a legendary?

 

[Clown Car]

My 9yo son (#8) didn’t want to go to the pool today so I said he could stay home. If he changed his mind to ask his dad or older brother to drive him up. He shows up less than 30 minutes after we got there. My friend asked who brought him? He says “my dad”. 

#10, 5yo, says “yes, my dad is a really good dude!”

 

[dickey moe]

A couple of weeks ago our ten year old son was acting crazy around the house.

My wife: "Where in the world did you come from?"

Me and my son a split-second apart and completely coincidental: "Your loins!"

 

[tri-man 47]

My 3 1/2 yo grandson now finds it amusing to either pull down the back of his shorts to flash his butt cheeks or hang his pee-pee out of the front of his shorts.  We all thoroughly chastise him for such poor behavior, all while I work hard to hide the big grin on my face.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

My 3 1/2 yo grandson now finds it amusing to either pull down the back of his shorts to flash his butt cheeks or hang his pee-pee out of the front of his shorts.  We all thoroughly chastise him for such poor behavior, all while I work hard to hide the big grin on my face.

You realise you are rewarding and re-inforcing it, right?  If you don't want him to do that, ignore him.

 

[wilked]

I’m thinking there are others like me who were waiting and watching for the right time to introduce Star Wars to the kids. What’s the right age, what’s the right order (obv start with EpIV). My boys are 4 and 7 and I decided to pull the trigger. 
 

7 year old enjoying it, 4 year old half watching half fooling around. 
 

worked out way up to Empire Strikes Back and we’re getting close to the best movie twist of all time. I pop the volume a bit, make sure boys are paying attention and I’m watching them intently to see their reaction. Then Darth Vader lets loose his famous line: “Luke - I am your father...”

the 4 year old immediately responds “wait - that guys a barber??”

it hit me just right and I start dying laughing, which makes them laugh and me realize I should have waited another year. oh well!

 

[wlwiles]

On a work conference call, I hear "Daaaaaaaadddddddyyyyyy!!" from down the hall.  I ease down the hall and find my 4 y.o. daughter perched on the throne in the hall bathroom, obviously needing butt wipe assistance.  I put my cell phone down on the bathroom counter and enter the bathroom, and she looks up at me and bellows "HERE TO WIPE THE QUEEN'S BUTT?"   

Immediately I hear 5 other people bust a gut laughing.  Turns out I unmuted myself somehow.  Gonna be a while before I live that one down at work now...

 

[B Maverick]

the 4 year old immediately responds “wait - that guys a barber??”

The obvious response should have been "NO, I am your barber"

My 11 yo tells me she doesn't like Rogue One.  not funny just 

 

[tri-man 47]

You realise you are rewarding and re-inforcing it, right?  If you don't want him to do that, ignore him.

Ah.  :lightbulb:  Great point!  I'll let the others know as well.  Thanks.

 

[B Maverick]

Here is what went down last night with the 11 yo...

Me: Do you want a hot dog for dinner?

her: I don't like hot dogs

Me: Since when?

Her: Ok, I'll have one.  Remember when I peeled the skin off one and ate it?

Me: Not at all.  How many you want?

Her: 1

few mins pass as they boil

Her: Wow that looks like a weiner

Me:   what?

Her: you know, those spicy one or fancy ones? Sausages or whatever?

Me: Ohhhhhh phew.

 

[El Floppo]

On a work conference call, I hear "Daaaaaaaadddddddyyyyyy!!" from down the hall.  I ease down the hall and find my 4 y.o. daughter perched on the throne in the hall bathroom, obviously needing butt wipe assistance.  I put my cell phone down on the bathroom counter and enter the bathroom, and she looks up at me and bellows "HERE TO WIPE THE QUEEN'S BUTT?"   

Immediately I hear 5 other people bust a gut laughing.  Turns out I unmuted myself somehow.  Gonna be a while before I live that one down at work now...

 

[El Floppo]

At dinner last night, 13yo floppinho solemnly brings up an actor who had gotten sick with "Munchkins Lymphoma"

ETA...the wife, in hysterics, asks if he's sure it wasn't non-munchkins lymphoma.

 

[B Maverick]

Not sure this is funny as much as a WTF?

Neighbor's kid is a 3rd or 4th grader, so slighly younger then my kid.  She was with some other kids riding bikes and I heard her say "I am totally breaking up with my boyfriend since he cheated on me".  

I was telling my ex, with our kid standing there and my ex had the same WTF but my daughter was laughing her #### off.  I really have no words......

 

[Angry Beavers]

Playing football with the neighbor kids. Kids versus adults. (Little kids, we had to let them "win") One of kids who is 7 started trying to be cool and talking trash says to me "You are so ugly you dont even have a girlfriend ". My reply was "Thats probably a good thing as I have a wife.".  He was lost for words. LOL

 

[wlwiles]

Not sure this is funny as much as a WTF?

Neighbor's kid is a 3rd or 4th grader, so slighly younger then my kid.  She was with some other kids riding bikes and I heard her say "I am totally breaking up with my boyfriend since he cheated on me".  

I was telling my ex, with our kid standing there and my ex had the same WTF but my daughter was laughing her #### off.  I really have no words......

I need the rest of the story.  What constitutes cheating in 3rd grade?  He sat with her at lunch or chased her on the playground? 

 

[B Maverick]

I need the rest of the story.  What constitutes cheating in 3rd grade?  He sat with her at lunch or chased her on the playground? 

I hope thats all it is!  I'm afraid to ask....

 

[mr. furley]

my 9 year old discovered a bidet last week

she came out and said "DAD! IT'S LIKE A WARM SHOWER FOR YOUR FRONT AND YOUR BACK!"

 

[El Floppo]

my 9 year old discovered a bidet last week

she came out and said "DAD! IT'S LIKE A WARM SHOWER FOR YOUR FRONT AND YOUR BACK!"

Take it to the bidet thread, bud.

 

[Fear The Turtle]

My young nephew was trying to get across to his mother that his brother, Cyrus, was hitting him for no reason, unprovoked. He said: "Cyrus is punching me for free!"

 

[Clown Car]

#5 turns 16 next month. We were discussing whether he should get his drivers license next month or later next year. He says if he doesn’t how will he pick up chicks? We laugh at that and my husband says “how are you going to pick up chicks in a 12 passenger van?” 
#6, 13yo male, says “he can pick up a whole lot of them and make it a real party!”

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

#5 turns 16 next month. We were discussing whether he should get his drivers license next month or later next year. He says if he doesn’t how will he pick up chicks? We laugh at that and my husband says “how are you going to pick up chicks in a 12 passenger van?” 
#6, 13yo male, says “he can pick up a whole lot of them and make it a real party!”

It's the Shaggin' Wagon.

 

[Clown Car]

It's the Shaggin' Wagon.

It should be the greatest advertisement for birth control! It’s dirty, it stinks, there are three car seats, a kayak, sand, crumbs, cookies, and apple cores galore. Nothing else will be galore in there. 

 

[Clown Car]

I didn't realize you even knew what birth control was

I have a vague idea from college. My adult daughters have asked me for advice and I’m just speechless. I tell them things have probably changed in 30 years and to maybe talk to their doctor or even their friends for better advice than I could give. However, I do stress not having sex with someone they don’t want to have a child with. But I figure that falls on deaf ears. 

 

[modogg]

my 3 year old daughter called a Lantern Bug last night a "Fu#&ing D!ck". she is still working on articulating words, but said that clear as day. Wife freaked out and asked her where she heard it, and she told her "dad said that to a car in front of us when driving home". Good times getting ratted out by your kid

 

[Bull Dozier]

It should be the greatest advertisement for birth control! It’s dirty, it stinks, there are three car seats, a kayak, sand, crumbs, cookies, and apple cores galore. Nothing else will be galore in there. 

You of all people should know where there's a will, there's a way.

 

[Clown Car]

#11, 4yo boy, came in my room right after I finished my exercise routine. I’m in sports bra and work out shorts. I’m sweaty and gross. I ask him if he wants to snuggle. He says no. I ask him if he wants a hug. He says “I want to hug with shirts on. See how I have a shirt on with two robots? Where’s yours?”

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

#11, 4yo boy, came in my room right after I finished my exercise routine. I’m in sports bra and work out shorts. I’m sweaty and gross. I ask him if he wants to snuggle. He says no. I ask him if he wants a hug. He says “I want to hug with shirts on. See how I have a shirt on with two robots? Where’s yours?”

You know, I really like your kids.

 

[Clown Car]

You know, I really like your kids.

Thanks. They’re alright. 

 

[B Maverick]

my 11 yo girl says "I have the hiccups again.  I hate the hiccups.  I'd rather fart then have the hiccups"

 

[Fear The Turtle]

Years ago, my young daughter's elementary school was promoting a Family Fun Night at the school. I asked her what a Family Fun Night was. She said "it's where families go to have fun...and it's at night!" Of course.

 

[Kanil]

Yesterday KanilJr (9yo, holy #### how did that happen?) was getting dressed for the day.  He came downstairs with his hair parted down the middle and slicked down.

KanilJr - I look like a total dork.

MrsKanil - You know, that's not normally a word used to describe a good look.

KanilJr - It is in this family!!

Me&MrsKanil -

KanilJr - Seriously, have you seen you guys?

I wasn't sure whether he was insulting me or complimenting me.

 

[Keerock]

It should be the greatest advertisement for birth control! It’s dirty, it stinks, there are three car seats, a kayak, sand, crumbs, cookies, and apple cores galore. Nothing else will be galore in there. 

You are obviously not a guy.  We'd do it in a dumpster.

 

[El Floppo]

13yo Floppinho was listening to Alanis Morrisete and singing along at the top of his lungs..

It's not fair, to deny me
Of the cross-eyed bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

13yo Floppinho was listening to Alanis Morrisete and singing along at the top of his lungs..

It's not fair, to deny me
Of the cross-eyed bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

You know that's a thing, right?