GM's thread about nothing (24 Viewers)

[Tiger Fan]

urgent care after hours places are awesome. no appointment, they take my insurance, in and out in 30 minutes, cute nurses,

Story?

Caught some virus this morning..diaheria and fever is awesome

 

[Homer J Simpson]

OK, so I worked today and started pounding by like 3. Hung out after work and had more than a few extras and then left the bar around 10 or so. So I'm heading home with 8 gsllons of Taco Bell as happy as can be, rocking out to whatever tunes were blaring at the time. Seriously, HappyHomer was in full effect.

So I turn off the super-busy main road (with no one behind me) and past the Shell station (with no one behind me) and then past the Circle K...and there's suddenly a car right on my ### with brights in full effect. I almost crapped myself thinking it was a cop, but saw it was an SUV. Whatever, I turn left, he's on my ###. I turn left again down my little side street where I live and he's still on my ###. Like seriously, even while making the turns, he was never more than 8 feet from my bumper. Well obviously, this is now the time to be a total ****. So I slam on my brakes a couple of times and throw a certain digit out the window. I'm going 5 miles per hour at this point and he still stays behind me.

Whatever, I pull into my building and this d-bag pulls in right behind me...again, never more than 8 feet from my ###. Well at this point I get really nervous, thinking there's gonna be a carful of roided-up dickbags that are just looking to kick the crap out of someone. Like seriously, I went from "F### this guy" to "Holy crap I hope these guys don't #### me."

So I pull into my spot and get out of the car like a total badass, going with the Mutual Assured Destruction theory...which as a big dude has gotten me out of more than a few situations where I'd have gotten my balls handed to me. Big + crazy generally makes people think twice.

Anyway, as I'm about to rage on the 4 dudes getting out of the SUV...completely prepared to take a beating...out comes my nemesis. All 160 pounds of him. And he's older than me. And blonde! Seriously, I almost laughed in his face. Some 45 year old prettyboy in a Lexus whatever decided to follow someone into his driveway to start a fight. Are you friggin kidding me?

Well after the first moment of stupefied shock, he starts with the jawing about me hitting the brakes and giving him the finger and I actually had a serious moment of fear. Some little dude that has no hesitation about going after a guy my size might just be an absolute badass...crap, how do I play this?

So I go the peacemaker route. Hands at shoulder level, palms p, I'm like "Dude you were right on my ### with your brights on" He keeps coming toward me and calling me the ###hole and at this point I realize he's not some crazy badass, he's just a drunken ##### that doesn't realize what he's getting into. But I still play the niceguy role and keep backing off...until he pokes me in the chest. And as I look down at his hand in complete disbelief HE PUT HIS FINGER UNDER MY CHIN AND LIFTED MY HEAD UP and says "Look at me when I'm talking to you!" I mean, at this point, I went from trying to defuse the situation to trying to defuse myself from killing this guy and putting him in my trunk and taking ownereship of his Lexus.

At this point, I took a deep breath and gently pushed him back a bit with my left hand...so that he was the perfect distance for a spectacular visitation from my right fist. That should have done the job, but to give the guy credit he immediately got a good shot in...the ####er was totally ready to fight. But sadly, that was the only shot he got in except for the girlish face-scratch on his way down about 7 seconds later.

You remember when the bishop in Caddyshack got struck by lightnign? And Bill Murray sheepishly lays down the clubs and backs/runs away? Yeah, that was me.

I kept looking out from my balcony and it was a somewhat nervewracking 10 minutes before he left. But he left. And much like St Louis Bob, I'm alive.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

urgent care after hours places are awesome. no appointment, they take my insurance, in and out in 30 minutes, cute nurses,

Story?

He got beat up in Youngstown

 

[Homer J Simpson]

And sorry for the delay in the story. Apparently my neighbor called the cops. And even though I've never even made eye contact with this old broad, she knew which car was mine and shortly thereafter my doorbell was buzzing.

But clearly I was just taking out the trash and two guys were jawing back and forth and I was just playing the peacemaker and everything was fine and no assaults took place officer I swear and did I mention that my brother is a judge and no I wasn't out drinking I just had a few while watching TV and I have no idea who the two guys were I swear and no that's not a cut on my face I was just itchy cause it's allergy season and I was scratching and did I mention that my brother is a judge

 

[Marvin]

At this point, I took a deep breath and gently pushed him back a bit with my left hand...

AH-HA!!!!

 

[krista4]

That story is all that is right and good and downright ####in' American.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

At this point, I took a deep breath and gently pushed him back a bit with my left hand...

AH-HA!!!!

PUSH

 

[proninja]

At this point, I took a deep breath and gently pushed him back a bit with my left hand

You're a damn liaredit: dammit Marvin

 

[Homer J Simpson]

At this point, I took a deep breath and gently pushed him back a bit with my left hand...

AH-HA!!!!

PUSH

Frick, I can't even play that off..I pushed. :( But seriously, it was a strategic push!

 

[Homer J Simpson]

My face is actually bleeding still. Not sure if it was from the punch or the girly-scratch. I hope he didn't have the AIDS.

 

[Aaron Rudnicki]

Should have asked him to do a shot video

 

[Marvin]

Should have asked him to do a shot video

 

[cosjobs]

I was formally diagnosed with diabetes today. Surprisingly, he didn't put me on medication right away, but he did write a prescription for a glucometer and diabetes education to learn how to use it.

Still haven't decided whether I will eat myself to an early grave or not. I have, however, decided to have a big blast of Jamesons.

Not even Metformin? That's weird. The Jamesons is actually fine as long as you don't mix it with anything. Carbs are your enemy now. Go on a low carb diet and your doctor will be amazed at the results. And you'll lose weight. The bad news is no carbs, except vegetables. The good news is you can eat all the meat you want.

My numbers aren't far over the line, and I'm already eating like that most of the time. Except for the peanut butter cookies I just crushed. Seriously, I have to stop that.

I'm borderline type2. Maybe we should form a mutual support group. #### like losing a foot is almost more scary to me than dropping dead of a heart attack.Wife and I planned to get back into a healthy swing when we get back Wed. Going to finish setting up the exercise room. We've got a stairmaster, recumbant bike and a Kinnect. We figure 1200 cal for food, 500 for booze and an hour in the exercise room would get us back on track in a hurry. You can join us for daily exercise and dinner if you want. Routine and commitment. My strong suits (sarcasm).

 

[kevzilla]

I was formally diagnosed with diabetes today. Surprisingly, he didn't put me on medication right away, but he did write a prescription for a glucometer and diabetes education to learn how to use it.

Still haven't decided whether I will eat myself to an early grave or not. I have, however, decided to have a big blast of Jamesons.

Not even Metformin? That's weird. The Jamesons is actually fine as long as you don't mix it with anything. Carbs are your enemy now. Go on a low carb diet and your doctor will be amazed at the results. And you'll lose weight. The bad news is no carbs, except vegetables. The good news is you can eat all the meat you want.

My numbers aren't far over the line, and I'm already eating like that most of the time. Except for the peanut butter cookies I just crushed. Seriously, I have to stop that.

I'm borderline type2. Maybe we should form a mutual support group. #### like losing a foot is almost more scary to me than dropping dead of a heart attack.Wife and I planned to get back into a healthy swing when we get back Wed. Going to finish setting up the exercise room. We've got a stairmaster, recumbant bike and a Kinnect. We figure 1200 cal for food, 500 for booze and an hour in the exercise room would get us back on track in a hurry. You can join us for daily exercise and dinner if you want. Routine and commitment. My strong suits (sarcasm).

One of my closest friends lost his FIL last week. The doctor told him they would have to take his other leg or he would die. He said he didn't care. His heart gave out the next day.

 

[Bogart]

The Baseball Forum is quickly turning into a mini Shark Pool, and it's pissing me off.

 

[Mr. Pickles]

I dunno

What the mother eff is this?

 

[Mr. Pickles]

I had a bleak moment of self-realization last night: I need to get out of this grad program.

life & kids >>>>>>>>>>>> work

Hey Pickles> Did you do your doc before or after kids? I know you're a super genius with ice in your veins and I'm a hipster with mad cow disease, but I'm still curious if you went through this.

I started my Ph.D. at 22. That's really the only sane way to do it.

 

[Guster]

That story is all that is right and good and downright ####in' American.

Except for all the drunk driving going on...

 

[Gadzooks]

I was formally diagnosed with diabetes today. Surprisingly, he didn't put me on medication right away, but he did write a prescription for a glucometer and diabetes education to learn how to use it. Still haven't decided whether I will eat myself to an early grave or not. I have, however, decided to have a big blast of Jamesons.

Sorry to hear, man.

This.I know nothing about Diabetes. On the bright side, I'm pretty sure it's only cancer that makes you lose your hair, so there's that. Seriously, though T&Ps to you

 

[Gadzooks]

Happy birthday TRE

 

[Osaurus]

Day 2 in Orlando. Nothing else to report.

 

[BigJohn]

I was formally diagnosed with diabetes today. Surprisingly, he didn't put me on medication right away, but he did write a prescription for a glucometer and diabetes education to learn how to use it. Still haven't decided whether I will eat myself to an early grave or not. I have, however, decided to have a big blast of Jamesons.

Wow, even with your recent weight loss? Does he see any chance you could work your way out of it?Glll

 

[BigJohn]

urgent care after hours places are awesome. no appointment, they take my insurance, in and out in 30 minutes, cute nurses,

Story?

He got beat up in Youngstown

I peed a little...

 

[Guster]

Happy birthday TRE

 

[Jeff Vader]

I was formally diagnosed with diabetes today. Surprisingly, he didn't put me on medication right away, but he did write a prescription for a glucometer and diabetes education to learn how to use it.

Still haven't decided whether I will eat myself to an early grave or not. I have, however, decided to have a big blast of Jamesons.

Not even Metformin? That's weird. The Jamesons is actually fine as long as you don't mix it with anything. Carbs are your enemy now. Go on a low carb diet and your doctor will be amazed at the results. And you'll lose weight. The bad news is no carbs, except vegetables. The good news is you can eat all the meat you want.

My numbers aren't far over the line, and I'm already eating like that most of the time. Except for the peanut butter cookies I just crushed. Seriously, I have to stop that.

Count yourself lucky it isn't more severe. My buddy's dad hasn't touched alcohol in 50 years because the sugar could kill him.

 

[Jeff Vader]

That story is all that is right and good and downright ####in' American.

Good job taking care of business, Homer. Do wackos like this appear often in Youngstown?In Ithaca, the only way you'd get a reaction like that is if you took a crap on the Carl Sagan monument, wiped you ### with an ACLU charter, then used it to light a tree on fire. Hippies would chase you around in bumper-stickered 1980s Volvos and club you with their bongs.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

That story is all that is right and good and downright ####in' American.

Good job taking care of business, Homer. Do wackos like this appear often in Youngstown?In Ithaca, the only way you'd get a reaction like that is if you took a crap on the Carl Sagan monument, wiped you ### with an ACLU charter, then used it to light a tree on fire. Hippies would chase you around in bumper-stickered 1980s Volvos and club you with their bongs.

It's a very strange and angry place, yes.

 

[Disco Stu]

So I should probably take back my Yu Darvish hate.

The box score says he tore through my Yankees for 8.1 innings, 0 runs, and 10 strikeouts.

Yes. In retrospect, passing judgement after his first five major league pitches may have been a bit hasty. He allowed 4 runs in his first inning, 4 runs in the 32 innings since then.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

update?

Anybody besides Guster call the number I texted? Nothing has been done but I'm considering calling the police or going to his house and shaking his hand. Thoughts?

I was formally diagnosed with diabetes today. Surprisingly, he didn't put me on medication right away, but he did write a prescription for a glucometer and diabetes education to learn how to use it.

Still haven't decided whether I will eat myself to an early grave or not. I have, however, decided to have a big blast of Jamesons.

Sorry to hear, man.

Just curious, are you overweight?

SLB, happy you didn't die.

Make like SLB and don't die today.

Should have asked him to do a shot video

And much like St Louis Bob, I'm alive.

Last Friday it was raining so we went to Hillbilly Bowl to try some bowling. None of us are bowlers although I used to years ago. Anyhow, it's 10:30 in the morning and 6 drunk and most of us stoned, guys walk in to bowl. I'm wearing shorts and Cosjobs University of Hold Em sweatshirt. The only other people bowling were two old gals. The first guy to roll is 6' 280 pounds. He promptly loses his balance and falls down shaking the entire place. It went down from there.

After bowling we played poker for a while and things cleared up. I decided to take a couple of guys out on the lake in my Dad's boat. He has a nice bass boat with a 250 on it. There was a B.A.S.S. tournament going on however so there were boats zooming around everywhere. The water was rough and we were jumping waves. That's when I it hit me I was REALLY wasted and had no business being out on the water so much to my friends protest, I headed back in. The total time we were on the water was an estimated 11.5 minutes. I lost a $20 bet on over 15 minutes. Glad we all made it back alive.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

Happy birthday TRE

 

[Gadzooks]

Homer be proud: 22 YO has been away at a conference and I "fooled around" with a 33 YO.

Went to this "trivia night" fundraiser thing on Saturday and got drunker than a small 45 year old blonde dude looking to fight Homer. (any question that I was unsure of I answered with either "Hock Meng Tay" or "Cat Fish Bill") This 33 YO is on the Board for the Chamber of Commerce with me and we've had some mild flirting over the last couple years but nothing has ever happened. She has a smoking hot body but there is something that is weird about her personality. Anyways, at our last Board meeting everyone was talking about her new boyfriend and the pictures of them that she put on her FB page. However, at the Trivia fundraiser she was there without the boyfriend.

Fundraiser ends and a bunch of us are heading to a bar for a drink. Other than nodding hello to 33 YO during the trivia, I didn't speak to her at all. As I'm driving to the bar I get a text from asking if I was up for an "after trivia drink". I told her a bunch of were going to the bar and she should join. So there's about 12 or 13 of us in the corner of the bar, mostly married couples and then all of a sudden I can feel a body pressed up against me from behind and a hand grab my stomach. Oh Hello 33 YO. She is hanging all over me and constantly touching me. Everyone else is basically staring at us and I can see all of the guys are nodding in approval and each girl has a look of disgust (girls are funny like that)

I go off to the bathroom, mostly so I could take a pic of myself in the mirror giving Tanner the middle finger. I come out and 33 YO is waiting for me. So we go off to our own private table where she is basically molesting me. Eventually the rest of the people I was there with had left and then 33 YO and I start heading out. We fool around more in the parking lot and in her car. She tells me how she should stay away from me because I'm dangerous and she has a boyfriend. I start to say that maybe I should leave and then she sticks her tongue back down my throat. After more playful activities, she says it's getting very late. Now she has about a 30 minute ride home and I have a 5 minute ride home. I suggest that maybe she shouldn't drive all the way home tonight. She giggles and tells me how bad I am and starts fooling around again. Eventually, I am getting exhausted and feel like passing out and for some reason I just really wasn't that in to her. I tell her I'm going home and she's welcome to join me if she wants. She keeps saying how she shouldn't but she wants to blah blah blah. I then realized that I really just wanted to go sleep so I announced "Ok, I'm out. Thanks for the handy, I'll see at the Board meeting next week" And I left and went home.

Almost every girl that I've done anything with since my divorce is a girl that has a boyfriend and they were the ones that initiated the physical activities. I'm not sure if I'm complaining about this or not.

 

[phishphan]

I go off to the bathroom, mostly so I could take a pic of myself in the mirror giving Tanner the middle finger.

Yes! I was hoping this would catch on.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

Proud of ya, Zooks.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

Thanks for the handy, yo. Deuces.

 

[Marvin]

(any question that I was unsure of I answered with either "Hock Meng Tay" or "Cat Fish Bill") I go off to the bathroom, mostly so I could take a pic of myself in the mirror giving Tanner the middle finger. .

Did I get that text?

 

[No. 16]

Have a hangover for the first time in a while. That's what you get when you drink Mickeys and Paul Masson ($8 brandy for 750ml).

On the bright side, I amazed my friends and myself by jumping to the 5th step on the stair case from stand still and the 6th step with a running start.

 

[Jeff Vader]

So I should probably take back my Yu Darvish hate.

The box score says he tore through my Yankees for 8.1 innings, 0 runs, and 10 strikeouts.

Yes. In retrospect, passing judgement after his first five major league pitches may have been a bit hasty. He allowed 4 runs in his first inning, 4 runs in the 32 innings since then.

He still sucks!

(it's ok if we turn the GMTAN into a Baseball Shark Pool, right? Cool. I'll be right back with a sh@t ton of stats I can overanalyze and distort...but for now, just know it's 100% factually true that Darvish has been lucky)

 

[Jeff Vader]

"Ok, I'm out. Thanks for the handy, I'll see at the Board meeting next week"

I want a bumper sticker that says, I'd Rather Be in Zooksville.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

So I should probably take back my Yu Darvish hate.

The box score says he tore through my Yankees for 8.1 innings, 0 runs, and 10 strikeouts.

Yes. In retrospect, passing judgement after his first five major league pitches may have been a bit hasty. He allowed 4 runs in his first inning, 4 runs in the 32 innings since then.

He still sucks!

(it's ok if we turn the GMTAN into a Baseball Shark Pool, right? Cool. I'll be right back with a sh@t ton of stats I can overanalyze and distort...but for now, just know it's 100% factually true that Darvish has been lucky)

Well, I think there's statistical evidence that you're right and wrong. His .315 BABIP is a little more than normal league average (usually around .300), but his HR/FB% is a very low 4.2%, and that's likely to cruise up to the 8-10% range. His 4.64 BB/9 is a little scary too and that's a factor in his 3.76 xFIP.

 

[Bogart]

"Ok, I'm out. Thanks for the handy, I'll see at the Board meeting next week"

I want a bumper sticker that says, I'd Rather Be in Zooksville.

 

[Jeff Vader]

So I should probably take back my Yu Darvish hate.

The box score says he tore through my Yankees for 8.1 innings, 0 runs, and 10 strikeouts.

Yes. In retrospect, passing judgement after his first five major league pitches may have been a bit hasty. He allowed 4 runs in his first inning, 4 runs in the 32 innings since then.

He still sucks!

(it's ok if we turn the GMTAN into a Baseball Shark Pool, right? Cool. I'll be right back with a sh@t ton of stats I can overanalyze and distort...but for now, just know it's 100% factually true that Darvish has been lucky)

Well, I think there's statistical evidence that you're right and wrong. His .315 BABIP is a little more than normal league average (usually around .300), but his HR/FB% is a very low 4.2%, and that's likely to cruise up to the 8-10% range. His 4.64 BB/9 is a little scary too and that's a factor in his 3.76 xFIP.

Stop.

 

[Frostillicus]

and for some reason I just really wasn't that in to her.

Gee I wonder why this could be.

 

[YSR]

and for some reason I just really wasn't that in to her.

Gee I wonder why this could be.

 

[Bogart]

So I should probably take back my Yu Darvish hate.

The box score says he tore through my Yankees for 8.1 innings, 0 runs, and 10 strikeouts.

Yes. In retrospect, passing judgement after his first five major league pitches may have been a bit hasty. He allowed 4 runs in his first inning, 4 runs in the 32 innings since then.

He still sucks!

(it's ok if we turn the GMTAN into a Baseball Shark Pool, right? Cool. I'll be right back with a sh@t ton of stats I can overanalyze and distort...but for now, just know it's 100% factually true that Darvish has been lucky)

Well, I think there's statistical evidence that you're right and wrong. His .315 BABIP is a little more than normal league average (usually around .300), but his HR/FB% is a very low 4.2%, and that's likely to cruise up to the 8-10% range. His 4.64 BB/9 is a little scary too and that's a factor in his 3.76 xFIP.

Stop.

No, keep going. I was almost there....

 

[Jeff Vader]

So I should probably take back my Yu Darvish hate.

The box score says he tore through my Yankees for 8.1 innings, 0 runs, and 10 strikeouts.

Yes. In retrospect, passing judgement after his first five major league pitches may have been a bit hasty. He allowed 4 runs in his first inning, 4 runs in the 32 innings since then.

He still sucks!

(it's ok if we turn the GMTAN into a Baseball Shark Pool, right? Cool. I'll be right back with a sh@t ton of stats I can overanalyze and distort...but for now, just know it's 100% factually true that Darvish has been lucky)

Well, I think there's statistical evidence that you're right and wrong. His .315 BABIP is a little more than normal league average (usually around .300), but his HR/FB% is a very low 4.2%, and that's likely to cruise up to the 8-10% range. His 4.64 BB/9 is a little scary too and that's a factor in his 3.76 xFIP.

Stop.

No, keep going. I was almost there....

Here, you can finish to his WHIP (1.42).

 

[Disco Stu]

So I should probably take back my Yu Darvish hate.

The box score says he tore through my Yankees for 8.1 innings, 0 runs, and 10 strikeouts.

Yes. In retrospect, passing judgement after his first five major league pitches may have been a bit hasty. He allowed 4 runs in his first inning, 4 runs in the 32 innings since then.

He still sucks!

(it's ok if we turn the GMTAN into a Baseball Shark Pool, right? Cool. I'll be right back with a sh@t ton of stats I can overanalyze and distort...but for now, just know it's 100% factually true that Darvish has been lucky)

Well, I think there's statistical evidence that you're right and wrong. His .315 BABIP is a little more than normal league average (usually around .300), but his HR/FB% is a very low 4.2%, and that's likely to cruise up to the 8-10% range. His 4.64 BB/9 is a little scary too and that's a factor in his 3.76 xFIP.

Stop.

I would like to counter that Yu's IF/FB is likely to increase due to his impressive knee to hip ratio, while the LD% decreases thanks to his positive leg distinction.

 

[Gadzooks]

I go off to the bathroom, mostly so I could take a pic of myself in the mirror giving Tanner the middle finger.

Yes! I was hoping this would catch on.

I've done it a few times but usually just text it to him, I've never it posted here. I'm ok with posting videos of myself coloring in my nipples but a pic of me giving the finger seems a bit much.

(any question that I was unsure of I answered with either "Hock Meng Tay" or "Cat Fish Bill") I go off to the bathroom, mostly so I could take a pic of myself in the mirror giving Tanner the middle finger. .

Did I get that text?

No, didn't get to take the pic, there were people waiting for the sink and I was blocking it when I was trying to pose in the mirror. Looking back at it now, I suppose I could've asked someone to just take the picture of me. I'll send you a pic of my junk later to make up for it.

 

[Gadzooks]

and for some reason I just really wasn't that in to her.

Gee I wonder why this could be.

Shut it both of you.You ever think that maybe I wanted to get home to watch "Busty Cops" on my DVR?

 

[YSR]

and for some reason I just really wasn't that in to her.

Gee I wonder why this could be.

Shut it both of you.You ever think that maybe I wanted to get home to watch "Busty Cops" Golden Girls on my DVR?

Sure, it crossed my mind.

 

[Marvin]

I go off to the bathroom, mostly so I could take a pic of myself in the mirror giving Tanner the middle finger.

Yes! I was hoping this would catch on.

I've done it a few times but usually just text it to him, I've never it posted here. I'm ok with posting videos of myself coloring in my nipples but a pic of me giving the finger seems a bit much.

(any question that I was unsure of I answered with either "Hock Meng Tay" or "Cat Fish Bill") I go off to the bathroom, mostly so I could take a pic of myself in the mirror giving Tanner the middle finger. .

Did I get that text?

No, didn't get to take the pic, there were people waiting for the sink and I was blocking it when I was trying to pose in the mirror. Looking back at it now, I suppose I could've asked someone to just take the picture of me. I'll send you a pic of my junk later to make up for it.

Is there much of a difference between your middle finger and your junk?