OK, so I worked today and started pounding by like 3. Hung out after work and had more than a few extras and then left the bar around 10 or so. So I'm heading home with 8 gsllons of Taco Bell as happy as can be, rocking out to whatever tunes were blaring at the time. Seriously, HappyHomer was in full effect.So I turn off the super-busy main road (with no one behind me) and past the Shell station (with no one behind me) and then past the Circle K...and there's suddenly a car right on my ### with brights in full effect. I almost crapped myself thinking it was a cop, but saw it was an SUV. Whatever, I turn left, he's on my ###. I turn left again down my little side street where I live and he's still on my ###. Like seriously, even while making the turns, he was never more than 8 feet from my bumper. Well obviously, this is now the time to be a total ****. So I slam on my brakes a couple of times and throw a certain digit out the window. I'm going 5 miles per hour at this point and he still stays behind me.Whatever, I pull into my building and this d-bag pulls in right behind me...again, never more than 8 feet from my ###. Well at this point I get really nervous, thinking there's gonna be a carful of roided-up dickbags that are just looking to kick the crap out of someone. Like seriously, I went from "F### this guy" to "Holy crap I hope these guys don't #### me." So I pull into my spot and get out of the car like a total badass, going with the Mutual Assured Destruction theory...which as a big dude has gotten me out of more than a few situations where I'd have gotten my balls handed to me. Big + crazy generally makes people think twice.Anyway, as I'm about to rage on the 4 dudes getting out of the SUV...completely prepared to take a beating...out comes my nemesis. All 160 pounds of him. And he's older than me. And blonde! Seriously, I almost laughed in his face. Some 45 year old prettyboy in a Lexus whatever decided to follow someone into his driveway to start a fight. Are you friggin kidding me?Well after the first moment of stupefied shock, he starts with the jawing about me hitting the brakes and giving him the finger and I actually had a serious moment of fear. Some little dude that has no hesitation about going after a guy my size might just be an absolute badass...crap, how do I play this?So I go the peacemaker route. Hands at shoulder level, palms p, I'm like "Dude you were right on my ### with your brights on" He keeps coming toward me and calling me the ###hole and at this point I realize he's not some crazy badass, he's just a drunken ##### that doesn't realize what he's getting into. But I still play the niceguy role and keep backing off...until he pokes me in the chest. And as I look down at his hand in complete disbelief HE PUT HIS FINGER UNDER MY CHIN AND LIFTED MY HEAD UP and says "Look at me when I'm talking to you!" I mean, at this point, I went from trying to defuse the situation to trying to defuse myself from killing this guy and putting him in my trunk and taking ownereship of his Lexus.At this point, I took a deep breath and gently pushed him back a bit with my left hand...so that he was the perfect distance for a spectacular visitation from my right fist. That should have done the job, but to give the guy credit he immediately got a good shot in...the ####er was totally ready to fight. But sadly, that was the only shot he got in except for the girlish face-scratch on his way down about 7 seconds later.You remember when the bishop in Caddyshack got struck by lightnign? And Bill Murray sheepishly lays down the clubs and backs/runs away? Yeah, that was me.I kept looking out from my balcony and it was a somewhat nervewracking 10 minutes before he left. But he left. And much like St Louis Bob, I'm alive.
I've done it a few times but usually just text it to him, I've never it posted here. I'm ok with posting videos of myself coloring in my nipples but a pic of me giving the finger seems a bit much.
No, didn't get to take the pic, there were people waiting for the sink and I was blocking it when I was trying to pose in the mirror. Looking back at it now, I suppose I could've asked someone to just take the picture of me. I'll send you a pic of my junk later to make up for it.
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