My 2 favorite highlights from vacation:
#1) Tuesday morning, everyone was up and having coffee in the living room. Someone mentioned how they didn't sleep good last night and my Uncle (who is usually a very quiet man who doesn't speak unless asked a direct question) says "yeah, me either, plus it didn't help that I crapped my pants in the middle of the night". The room went quiet and I said "please, go on" He said "well I rolled over and I had to fart, but I ended up crapping myself. And since we never took our clothes out of our suitcases, I had to fish around for new shorts in the dark. I can't believe that happened. 2nd time in my life." Then my Aunt interrupted him and said "Jesus, will you stop already! No one wants to hear this, that's way too much personal information and it's disgusting." My sharting Uncle replied "Well, it happened, I'm not gonna lie about it and pretend it didn't happen." Embarrassed Aunt, getting more annoyed says "but no one asked you about it! Why did you even bring it up?" Uncle Poopie-Pants replied "Hey, it happened." After calming down from my hysterical laughter I sighed, looked at my Uncle and said: "I know I've never said this to you before but, I LOVE YOU". With a confused look on his face, he replied: "That's fine, I guess."
#2) I spent one night out drinking with cousins who are about 10 years younger than me. We went bar-hopping and chatted up several young vacationing ladies. Toward the end of the night we went to a bar that my fat ugly cousin wanted to go to because he had been there the night before and said he "fell in love" with a girl who said she'd be there again tonight. Sure enough, she was there. We had several shots and at one point it was just me and this girl alone at the corner of the bar and I was talking up my cousin trying to help him score with this girl of his dreams. Though I was extremely drunk, it was apparent that she didn't care for my cousin, but was very interested in me. I had no attraction to this girl. She had a decent body, but she had a big face, kinda Shuke-like. She also had a lighter skin complexion than GM. I think I'd be more attracted to SLB than I was to this girl. So I kept trying to talk up my cousin to her. Eventually the bartender asked us to leave, I'm not sure if it was because my cousins were using the pool sticks as javelins or because I demanded that the bartender tell me what the masturbating policy was at this bar. The Shuke-faced girl invited all of us to the cottage she was staying at with her friend. The friend was a prudish girl with a KevZilla-like hairstyle. So me and my 3 drunk cousins went to this cottage and we made a secret bet to see who could steal something that wasn't valuable, but would be funny. The cottage was small and everyone went outside to smoke, I then went back inside to a bedroom and stole a thong out of an opened dresser drawer. (ok, it wasn't "opened" until I actually opened it) After about an hour of drunkish behavior, the prudish girl wanted us out. The Shuke-faced girl had enough of my fat ugly cousin hitting on her and she also wanted us out. So we left and went back to our Uncle's house where we decided to go fishing and finish any beer left in the house. After almost falling into the Lake, I decided to call it a night, but before I went off to bed, I looked at my fat ugly cousin and said "hey, I'm sure she would've wanted you to have this" and I gave him the thong I stole. It just seemed like the right thing to do.