GM's thread about nothing (17 Viewers)

[Angry Beavers]

TurkeyChat™ Activated

Better to turn the oven off at 500 or reduce heat to 325 and allow to cook for another couple hours? I have read conflicting cooking ideas... Confused?

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

I'm a grown ### man, I can grill EVERYTHING.

Can Tre be man enough to grill his own man parts?

My testes have beautiful grill marks on them.

 

[Josie Maran]

you guys still taking names in the survivor contest?

Still alive, but not for long. The only RBs I have this week are Ben Tate and Jonathan Dwyer. WA-WAAAAAA

 

[Josie Maran]

I'm a grown ### man, I can grill EVERYTHING.

Can Tre be man enough to grill his own man parts?

My testes have beautiful grill marks on them.

 

[General Malaise]

I've never cooked a turkey before, but I read the newspaper last night and have convinced myself that I am going to GRILL the turkey on my gas grill. Seems like a 12 pound bird would take about 3 hours max at 325. This will leave the stove/oven open for wifey to make all the sides and fixings. Plus, I can stand around outside and drink copiously.

If you have never cooked a turkey before, please do not attempt it on a grill. Seriously. Tyrkey cooking is a bit of an art. Cook it too little and you get everyone sick with salmonella, cook it too much and its dried out and almost inedible.Do this (you, too Bob):

Submerge the turkey in a container and cover with water and a couple of cups of salt. You can add other seasoning and stuff to the water, but its really not necessary Leave it in the water 2-3 days. Keep it cool. You may need to add ice. Soaking the turkey in an ice chest filled with water is a good way to help keep it cool (under 45 degrees, and 35 is far superior.

On thanksgivng, turn your oven up as high as it will go, usually about 500 degrees. Wash the turkey, inside and out. Slather it with olive oil and then season if desired. I usually do not. It does not really need it.. Do not put too much salt, as it will not need too much after the brine. If you can find some fresh rosemary a few branches in the cavity is good. Do not "stuff" the turkey. It will throw off all the cooking times. Wrap the wing tips and ends of the drumsticks in some foil, otherwise they will get burnt before the rest of the bird is ready. Put the bird in the hot oven until it is nicely browned all over. Rotating or changing its position a time or two will promote even browning. in the turkey Then turn off the oven. DO NOT open the oven door. After 2-3 hours, stick a thermometer inn the thickest part of the breast and see if its at 155-165 degrees. If not, turn the oven to 300 and continue cooking until it hits 160.

Remove to oven and let it sit in a warm spot to rest for 20-30 min. before carving. Slathering the bird with butter inside and out at this time will make it even more deiscious, but may increase the calories. Cover loosely with a sheet of foil to help keep it warm. Use all the pan juices to make your stuffing and gravy while the bird rests.

This will be one of the juiciest, tastiest turkies you will ever eat.

I was going to brine before the grilling too. This actually sounds great and easy to do. Plus, I won't have to burn a can of propane on it. But this didn't sound TOO tough to pull off:

Grill-Roasted Turkey

Published November 13, 2012

MAKES 12 TO 15 SERVINGS

When grilling a turkey, make sure there is at least 1 inch of space between the bird and the grill lid. Also, do not tie the legs together; the turkey will cook more evenly if hot air can reach all areas of the bird. Finally, be sure to check your fuel canister before grilling, it's a good idea to have a spare handy to make sure you have enough fuel.

Ingredients

1 12- to 15-pound turkey

2 tablespoons finely chopped thyme

1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh sage

1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil

Salt and freshly ground black pepper

Vegetable oil, for brushing turkey

1 large heavy-duty aluminum foil roasting pan

Instructions

Remove the giblets and neck from the cavity and discard or use to make turkey stock. Remove the piece of plastic or metal that is holding the legs together (keeping the turkey in a compacted form can prevent the legs from cooking thoroughly). Thoroughly pat turkey dry with paper towels. Tuck the wing tips back and behind the bird to prevent the wings from browning too quickly. Let turkey rest at room temperature for 1 hour.

Preheat a gas grill for indirect grilling: for a 2-burner grill, turn one burner on high heat, leave the other burner off; for a 3-burner grill, turn the left and right burners on high heat, leave the center burner off; for a 5-burner grill turn the far left and right burners on and leave the remaining burners off. Let the grill preheat for at least 15 minutes. Meanwhile, prepare the turkey.

In a small bowl, combine the thyme, sage, olive oil, 2 teaspoons salt and 1 teaspoon pepper. Gently slide your fingers under the skin of the turkey breast, starting at the tapered end (the end nearest the legs), being careful not to tear the skin. Gently spread the herb mixture under the skin of the bird, massaging the seasonings into place all over the breast and thigh meat. Season the cavity and outside of the bird with a little additional salt and pepper.

Reduce the temperature of grill to medium-low to maintain a range between 325 degrees to 350 degrees. Place the foil pan directly on the unheated metal bars that cover the flames, or on the ceramic briquettes at the bottom of the grill, to catch drippings. Pour 2 cups of water into the pan. Lightly oil the grill grating and place it back in the grill set over the pan. Place the turkey directly on the grill centered over the foil pan. Close lid and grill for 15 minutes per pound, rotating the bird back to front with 2 spatulas once while grilling. If the wings or breast meat begins to brown too much, cover them with foil. If the bottom of the turkey remains pale and flabby, move turkey over heated part of grill until it browns up.

The turkey is done when an instant-read thermometer inserted into the thickest part of the thigh without touching the bone reads 165 to 170 degrees; about 3 hours and 45 minutes for a 15-pound bird, 3 1/2 hours for a 14-pound bird, 3 hours and 25 minutes for a 13-pound bird, and 3 hours for a 12-pound bird. Be sure to test the turkey on both sides. You may need to allow more time on the grill on very windy days.

Transfer the turkey to a large platter, cover loosely with foil, and all the bird to stand for 30 to 45 minutes before carving. The drippings can be added to the gravy; pour them into a glass measuring cup, then skim and discard the fat on the top before using.

 

[Captain Quinoa]

I'm a grown ### man, I can grill EVERYTHING.

Can Tre be man enough to grill his own man parts?

My testes have beautiful grill marks on them.

My wife's grill has beautiful testes marks on it.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

Hey, let's all post turkey preparation recipes in here!

 

[General Malaise]

I'm a grown ### man, I can grill EVERYTHING.

My link

 

[-fish-]

Just realized I lost my debit card at the Seahawks game on Sunday. Dammit. I lose more ATM/credit cards than anyone.

 

[General Malaise]

I'm going up to Whistler for Thanksgiving. No turkey or cooking involved, just some tasty powder and cold brew.

Jesus, you live some life. Is it too late to give back all my kids?

 

[General Malaise]

P&S, Whistler is a LOT of fun. Whole lot. Lotta weird wild stuff going on up there. Yup....

 

[Thorn]

I've always used a bag for cooking a turkey in the oven. Nice and moist, and incredibly simple.

 

[commisholio]

I've never cooked a turkey before, but I read the newspaper last night and have convinced myself that I am going to GRILL the turkey on my gas grill. Seems like a 12 pound bird would take about 3 hours max at 325. This will leave the stove/oven open for wifey to make all the sides and fixings. Plus, I can stand around outside and drink copiously.

I've grilled my turkey for the last several years, except for last year when we fried it. I'll never go back to oven roasted.

 

[-fish-]

Was supposed to go to Crystal Mountain for Thanksgiving...no snow. Unless we want to have Thanksgiving in an empty parking lot at a closed mountain, that plan is shot.

 

[General Malaise]

Hey, let's all post turkey preparation recipes in here!

I'll bring back mini-van chat. Don't you dare push me.

 

[Aaron Rudnicki]

I'm going up to Whistler for Thanksgiving. No turkey or cooking involved, just some tasty powder and cold brew.

Jesus, you live some life. Is it too late to give back all my kids?

well, things will get a whole lot more boring when I go back to Chicago in the winter. Just trying to make the most of my time in the Pacific NW.Although FBG did just announce they are flying us all to Vegas again in January, so that kind of rules too.

 

[General Malaise]

Was supposed to go to Crystal Mountain for Thanksgiving...no snow. Unless we want to have Thanksgiving in an empty parking lot at a closed mountain, that plan is shot.

Who is 'we'?

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

Hey, let's all post turkey preparation recipes in here!

I'll bring back mini-van chat. Don't you dare push me.

Update?BTW, I generally smoke hams and chickens like a boss instead of turkey. Not sure what I'm doing yet this year...I know I'm not hosting.

 

[Guster]

I'm going up to Whistler for Thanksgiving. No turkey or cooking involved, just some tasty powder and cold brew.

sounds like Homer's thanksgiving too

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

I'm going up to Whistler for Thanksgiving. No turkey or cooking involved, just some tasty powder and cold brew.

Jesus, you live some life. Is it too late to give back all my kids?

well, things will get a whole lot more boring when I go back to Chicago in the winter. Just trying to make the most of my time in the Pacific NW.Although FBG did just announce they are flying us all to Vegas again in January, so that kind of rules too.

You rooming with M.O.P.?

 

[St. Louis Bob]

TurkeyChat™ Activated

Better to turn the oven off at 500 or reduce heat to 325 and allow to cook for another couple hours? I have read conflicting cooking ideas... Confused?

Pretty sure she reduces the heat but I'm not positive, that's women's work.

P&S, Whistler is a LOT of fun. Whole lot. Lotta weird wild stuff going on up there. Yup....

Rude, have fun getting bath salts rubbed on your prostate.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

I've always used a bag for cooking a turkey in the oven. Nice and moist, and incredibly simple.

Despite all the cool ways you can cook a turkey these days...deep fry, grill, smoke...there is nothing wrong with a oven-cooked bird if it is done right.

 

[krista4]

So my suit is outdated. Can I still just get a basic black one for an upcoming interview/any function that requires a suit (wedding, funeral etc).

Looks like you just can't break through TurkeyChat to get an answer here. Congrats on your interview, though!

 

[krista4]

1. Personal update for O Pete Malloy: I have a tummy ache.

2. How much time do I have to remember to donate for heckmann and for Movember?

3. Apparently we always invade Nicaragua.

3.5. I really owe you guys some Julio e-mails. Some classics over the last few weeks, which is not hard given I get 5-10 per day.

4. Hope shuke's surgery went well.

10. Wish I had anything interesting to post.

until the end of November

Pro Tip: Replace the M in Movember with an N.

Well I guess I see who won't be getting my donation money.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

1. Personal update for O Pete Malloy: I have a tummy ache.

2. How much time do I have to remember to donate for heckmann and for Movember?

3. Apparently we always invade Nicaragua.

3.5. I really owe you guys some Julio e-mails. Some classics over the last few weeks, which is not hard given I get 5-10 per day.

4. Hope shuke's surgery went well.

10. Wish I had anything interesting to post.

until the end of November

Pro Tip: Replace the M in Movember with an N.

Well I guess I see who won't be getting my donation money.

:finger:

 

[Josie Maran]

I'm a grown ### man, I can grill EVERYTHING.

Can Tre be man enough to grill his own man parts?

My testes have beautiful grill marks on them.

My wife's grill has beautiful testes marks on it.

Damn TurkeyChat almost made me miss this.

 

[Sarnoff]

Tanner>Some Swedish for you

 

[General Malaise]

1. Personal update for O Pete Malloy: I have a tummy ache.

2. How much time do I have to remember to donate for heckmann and for Movember?

3. Apparently we always invade Nicaragua.

3.5. I really owe you guys some Julio e-mails. Some classics over the last few weeks, which is not hard given I get 5-10 per day.

4. Hope shuke's surgery went well.

10. Wish I had anything interesting to post.

until the end of November

Pro Tip: Replace the M in Movember with an N.

Well I guess I see who won't be getting my donation money.

:finger:

Hey, why come you didn't hit me up for donation money? Pickles made me FLUSH with Romney money to give away. Guster got some. Heckman got some. Shuke got some. Woz got some. My money no good?

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

I'm a grown ### man, I can grill EVERYTHING.

Can Tre be man enough to grill his own man parts?

My testes have beautiful grill marks on them.

My wife's grill has beautiful testes marks on it.

Damn TurkeyChat almost made me miss this.

I did miss it.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

1. Personal update for O Pete Malloy: I have a tummy ache.

2. How much time do I have to remember to donate for heckmann and for Movember?

3. Apparently we always invade Nicaragua.

3.5. I really owe you guys some Julio e-mails. Some classics over the last few weeks, which is not hard given I get 5-10 per day.

4. Hope shuke's surgery went well.

10. Wish I had anything interesting to post.

until the end of November

Pro Tip: Replace the M in Movember with an N.

Well I guess I see who won't be getting my donation money.

:finger:

Hey, why come you didn't hit me up for donation money? Pickles made me FLUSH with Romney money to give away. Guster got some. Heckman got some. Shuke got some. Woz got some. My money no good?

Guster and I are both on teh same GMTAN team. In fact, we're teh only dorks in this group that bothered this year. I've posted the link and stuff.

 

[UOFI_316]

GM, didn't read your grill recipe, but I did do a 10# turkey breast on the grill. Put a metal cooling rack in a foil baking pan, set it on the "flavor" bars in the grill so the turkey would not touch the top. Filled the pan with a combination of beer and spices and rubbed the turkey down with spices inside and outside the skin, similar to how you prepare beer can chicken. Turned the turkey 90 degrees every hour I think, after 2 I put foil on top of the skin to keep it from drying out too much. Can't remember the exact temperature or length of time, but it was my first stab at it and no one went home sick, so I think I did it right. I did check with a thermometer before serving though.

If I can figure it out, I am sure an albino pot head can do it.

To the Movember clan. I will donate to the first person who posts a picture that gives me that creepy "child molester" feeling.

 

[-fish-]

Was supposed to go to Crystal Mountain for Thanksgiving...no snow. Unless we want to have Thanksgiving in an empty parking lot at a closed mountain, that plan is shot.

Who is 'we'?

the bunch of degenerates that I go to seahawks games with. 2 rv's with full bars and kegerators.

 

[Mr. Pickles]

Although FBG did just announce they are flying us all to Vegas again in January, so that kind of rules too.

Can't wait.Suck it, MoP.

 

[General Malaise]

1. Personal update for O Pete Malloy: I have a tummy ache.

2. How much time do I have to remember to donate for heckmann and for Movember?

3. Apparently we always invade Nicaragua.

3.5. I really owe you guys some Julio e-mails. Some classics over the last few weeks, which is not hard given I get 5-10 per day.

4. Hope shuke's surgery went well.

10. Wish I had anything interesting to post.

until the end of November

Pro Tip: Replace the M in Movember with an N.

Well I guess I see who won't be getting my donation money.

:finger:

Hey, why come you didn't hit me up for donation money? Pickles made me FLUSH with Romney money to give away. Guster got some. Heckman got some. Shuke got some. Woz got some. My money no good?

Guster and I are both on teh same GMTAN team. In fact, we're teh only dorks in this group that bothered this year. I've posted the link and stuff.

So if I gave to him I gave to you?In solidarity!

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

GM, didn't read your grill recipe, but I did do a 10# turkey breast on the grill. Put a metal cooling rack in a foil baking pan, set it on the "flavor" bars in the grill so the turkey would not touch the top. Filled the pan with a combination of beer and spices and rubbed the turkey down with spices inside and outside the skin, similar to how you prepare beer can chicken. Turned the turkey 90 degrees every hour I think, after 2 I put foil on top of the skin to keep it from drying out too much. Can't remember the exact temperature or length of time, but it was my first stab at it and no one went home sick, so I think I did it right. I did check with a thermometer before serving though.If I can figure it out, I am sure an albino pot head can do it.To the Movember clan. I will donate to the first person who posts a picture that gives me that creepy "child molester" feeling.

You're in luck, that's all I have!

 

[Good Posting Judge]

I'm going up to Whistler for Thanksgiving. No turkey or cooking involved, just some tasty powder and cold brew.

sounds like Homer's thanksgiving too

Phew, I almost Hippled a coke joke.

 

[phishphan]

Hey, let's all post turkey preparation recipes in here!

Step 1 - wake upStep 2 - get dressedStep 3 - drive to brother's houseStep 4 - eat and tell SIL how crappy of a cook she is.

 

[heckmanm]

P&S, Whistler is a LOT of fun. Whole lot. Lotta weird wild stuff going on up there. Yup....

My link

 

[belljr]

So my suit is outdated. Can I still just get a basic black one for an upcoming interview/any function that requires a suit (wedding, funeral etc).

Looks like you just can't break through TurkeyChat to get an answer here. Congrats on your interview, though!

Thanks, they just nerd everything up....Oh I like to rub my turkey with butter pre-cook

 

[General Malaise]

GM, didn't read your grill recipe, but I did do a 10# turkey breast on the grill. Put a metal cooling rack in a foil baking pan, set it on the "flavor" bars in the grill so the turkey would not touch the top. Filled the pan with a combination of beer and spices and rubbed the turkey down with spices inside and outside the skin, similar to how you prepare beer can chicken. Turned the turkey 90 degrees every hour I think, after 2 I put foil on top of the skin to keep it from drying out too much. Can't remember the exact temperature or length of time, but it was my first stab at it and no one went home sick, so I think I did it right. I did check with a thermometer before serving though.

If I can figure it out, I am sure an albino pot head can do it.

To the Movember clan. I will donate to the first person who posts a picture that gives me that creepy "child molester" feeling.

hi!Donate to Tre

 

[Captain Quinoa]

hi!

Donate to Tre

that sucker should be ready to pop around bedtime tonight.

 

[Captain Quinoa]

also it's really hard for Pickles to spank to the periodic table with your mug in front of it.

 

[General Malaise]

hi!

Donate to Tre

that sucker should be ready to pop around bedtime tonight.

popped already.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

GM, didn't read your grill recipe, but I did do a 10# turkey breast on the grill. Put a metal cooling rack in a foil baking pan, set it on the "flavor" bars in the grill so the turkey would not touch the top. Filled the pan with a combination of beer and spices and rubbed the turkey down with spices inside and outside the skin, similar to how you prepare beer can chicken. Turned the turkey 90 degrees every hour I think, after 2 I put foil on top of the skin to keep it from drying out too much. Can't remember the exact temperature or length of time, but it was my first stab at it and no one went home sick, so I think I did it right. I did check with a thermometer before serving though.

If I can figure it out, I am sure an albino pot head can do it.

To the Movember clan. I will donate to the first person who posts a picture that gives me that creepy "child molester" feeling.

You're in luck, that's all I have!

How's this for molesty? http://img809.imageshack.us/img809/9343/mov1114.jpg

 

[Josie Maran]

also it's really hard for Pickles to spank to the periodic table with your mug in front of it.

Damn you!

 

[Josie Maran]

GM, didn't read your grill recipe, but I did do a 10# turkey breast on the grill. Put a metal cooling rack in a foil baking pan, set it on the "flavor" bars in the grill so the turkey would not touch the top. Filled the pan with a combination of beer and spices and rubbed the turkey down with spices inside and outside the skin, similar to how you prepare beer can chicken. Turned the turkey 90 degrees every hour I think, after 2 I put foil on top of the skin to keep it from drying out too much. Can't remember the exact temperature or length of time, but it was my first stab at it and no one went home sick, so I think I did it right. I did check with a thermometer before serving though.

If I can figure it out, I am sure an albino pot head can do it.

To the Movember clan. I will donate to the first person who posts a picture that gives me that creepy "child molester" feeling.

Do I have to be in the mustache thing for this?

 

[Josie Maran]

I'm going up to Whistler for Thanksgiving. No turkey or cooking involved, just some tasty powder and cold brew.

sounds like Homer's thanksgiving too

Phew, I almost Hippled a coke joke.

Happpy Thanksgiving!!!

 

[boilerdave]

Tanner>Some Swedish for you

That lead me to another video and I spent 20 minutes watching a woman drive a truck.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

How come when I was a younger man and I finished having the secs nothing less than an 8 ball of coke and a fistful of black beauties could keep me from falling asleep? Now that I'm older, I don't even get drowsy. #insomnia

 

[Mr. Pickles]

also it's really hard for Pickles to spank to the periodic table with your mug in front of it.

No, I can see Hafnium.