Thanks for the kind words from a few of you. Also thanks to proninja for Facebooking with me last night and being a good friend.

To be clear, I'm not blaming Tanner; he's just the latest to express sentiment that others have expressed before (though perhaps doing it in a particularly distasteful and ill-timed way). The people in this thread often pride themselves on being a community that is "there for each other". I just don't feel it as it pertains to me, as evidenced not solely by Tanner's thoughts.I cried for hours last night, but it was only the worst of many such incidents since around Thanksgiving. I've never felt so on the verge of a complete and total meltdown. I'm being held together with tiny bits of string and maybe some well-chewed pieces of gum. I came here hoping for some support.I've lived my life in a way where the worst possible thing you can say to me is that I'm not independent or that I need anyone or anything. Being "needy" is to me the worst quality a person can have. That's not a fun way to live, really, but it's how I'm wired. So, not having practiced a lot of asking for things, it's probably inevitable that when I get to such a point that I have to reach out for help, I do it in the wrong way, or in a way where my need is not evidenced clearly. In that respect I can't blame anyone for not giving support or showing compassion, which they probably assume I don't need.I don't give a flying #### about getting this March 15 bonus. I would quit this morning, but it would screw over a large number of people if I did. I spend a lot more time caring about others than taking care of myself, and despite my many, many bad qualities, selfishness is not among them. My nature continues to be that I'll #### over myself rather than other people. I don't mean that as some martyr shtick--I truly believe it's a terrible, messed-up quality that I have. And so, I'll go along for the next two months, and expect that I have a better than 50% chance of ending up dead or in the hospital before March 31.Before I go (and perhaps I'll post again some day--who knows--and I'll certainly be lurking), I wanted to say that Leeroy Jenkins, who rarely posts here and most of you don't know very well, was the person (along with Mr. krista) who ultimately convinced me to go to coshole (which obviously I no longer intend to do). So thanks to him for being a caring friend as well. He's a great guy who y'all should get to know better.ETA: Sorry for Gustering.