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GM's thread about nothing (40 Viewers)
- Thread starter General Malaise
- Start date
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
I had to check for myself. There really is a Boston Terrier subreddit.
Post after post of photos of dogs that look exactly alike. They're like penguins.
Post after post of photos of dogs that look exactly alike. They're like penguins.
Idiot Boxer
Footballguy
One summer after college, I had my arm in a sling, having broken it in two places after saving a dog from drowning. The dump truck in front of us strangely enough carrying a full load of sixteen penny nails hits a pregnant sow and spills its load into the highway in front of me, flattening all four of my tires.
I managed, with just one arm, to change all four tires and deliver the baby calf as the mother's life expired in THIRTEEN MINUTES
What the hell is wrong with you people.
I managed, with just one arm, to change all four tires and deliver the baby calf as the mother's life expired in THIRTEEN MINUTES
What the hell is wrong with you people.
Thorn
Footballguy
phishphan
Footballguy
Limp Ditka
Footballguy
Thanks for the additional TPWs. Very grateful. Hopefully the positive vibes can be paid forward to the person that really needs them. As for me changing tires... While I'm quite capable, and could probably do it in under TEN MINUTES!!!!!, I have AAA . Mom gives it to me as a xmas gift every year and she likes to hear stories of my misfortunes that result in me needing to use it.
Last edited by a moderator:
The_Man
Footballguy
I had my wisdom teeth removed at about the same age, right after I finished college. I remember waking up in the darkened recovery room, having no idea where I was and being totally out of it. Since this was a familiar situation, I did exactly what my college education had taught me to do: get up, put my shoes on, get the hell out of there, and figure out where I was later on after escaping any potential jeopardy. I made it out the back door of the practice and was heading across the parking lot when they saw I was gone and came out to get me.
Didn't change a tire though.
Notorious T.R.E.
Showdown!™ Administrator
Anyone ever have to change a tire in the freezing cold only to find the wheel was rusted on? Then use a sledgehammer to get the wheel off? :flex:
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
No doubt you could Brong.
We got done taking a helicopter tour of Kauai. This place is freaking amazing. Makes Maui look like Bakersfield. We get done and were told there was a "tavern" a little down the road. Cool. We walk there but said tavern was actually a restaurant at a really nice golf course. Still can't believe they didn't open until 11. I ask the valet where we could eat and he says about a mile down the road. Okay, no biggie, start walking. Two miles later we don't know wtf we are so we scored a ride with a couple locals. Ate some breakfast and hitched a ride to zip lining which is what we are about to do now.
After that, drinks with Brong! Can't wait.
We got done taking a helicopter tour of Kauai. This place is freaking amazing. Makes Maui look like Bakersfield. We get done and were told there was a "tavern" a little down the road. Cool. We walk there but said tavern was actually a restaurant at a really nice golf course. Still can't believe they didn't open until 11. I ask the valet where we could eat and he says about a mile down the road. Okay, no biggie, start walking. Two miles later we don't know wtf we are so we scored a ride with a couple locals. Ate some breakfast and hitched a ride to zip lining which is what we are about to do now.
After that, drinks with Brong! Can't wait.
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
Thorn
Footballguy
I've had to stand on a tire iron to get a nut off (no euphemism/actually true).
strykerpks
Footballguy
I don't drive over crap so I've never had to change my own tire(s).
T&P LD
T&P LD
Notorious T.R.E.
Showdown!™ Administrator
Gadzooks
Footballguy
I really figured by now our world would be more like the eutopia the Jetsons lived in and my lack of tire-changing ability would go unnoticed. I think I'm gonna go let my Dad punch me in the nuts.
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
Gadzooks
Footballguy
I'll admit I clearly don't know much about tires, but I'm pretty sure there has never been a flat tire caused by driving over crap.I don't drive over crap so I've never had to change my own tire(s).
T&P LD
Excuse me now, I have to go find a full service gas station so an expert can fill my tank.
commisholio
Come out with your pants down!
Hondas have a reinforced part of the frame that is designed and strengthened to accomodate the jack. If you jack it up in a different place, it bends it.No offense, but I don't think you bent the frame of the car with a jack. Not that I am doubting the super strength that must come when one lacks any skin pigment. Perhaps you bent the quarter panel because you were not jacking on the frame.Bogart said:This is really awesome.Gadzooks said:Made an emergency run to the grocery store last night for juice boxes with Little 'Zooks. Come out of the store to find I have a flat tire. Now I'm as handy with car stuff as GM is with Netflix or TRE is with running with a horse mask. I was still dressed from work and it was officially past Little 'Zooks bedtime and I've been dealing with some pulled muscle in my back and I have a sore throat (I'll just assume I'm not dying) I was trying to put the spare donut tire on, but he POS car jack I had was working very well (keep in mind I'm an idiot when it comes to this stuff) A girl comes walking by with her groceries and a stroller with 2 babies and she offers to have her husband help me when he gets there to pick her up. I told her no but she was insistent and then she asked to use my phone because her's wasn't charged. She calls the husband and I hear her say "we're ready, come get us, oh and when you get here get your jack out of the car and help this nice guy change his tire, he's in a suit and tie and he's getting dirty and he has his little son with him". So the husband pulls up and immediately gets his jack out tells me that he'll change the tire (I guess he could tell I was an idiot) He coudln't have been more than 25 years old. HIs car was a piece of junk and overall I was guessing this young family with one car was probably not doing great financially.
He mentioned that he just got out of work and I notice his shirt says a local cleaning company which I happen to know the owner. So I told him I was gonna call his boss and tell him what a great person he has working for him. At first he says, no don't do that, then he says, well ok my name is Justin. Meanwhile the wife is entertaining her babies and listening to Little 'Zooks tell her a story about how he won a fart contest in school today. I kinda stood there thinking about how nice these people were and if I would've done the same thing. I thought I wanted to do something else for them, and I thought "what would SLB do"... So I said to them "these are the times I wished I carred around Panera gift cards". They were shuked. I asked them where they like to go out to eat and the wife said they don't really ever go out to eat. I told them I was gonna get them a gift card to a nice restaurant. The husband said no and not to bother but the wife said "someplace nice? Like Olive Gardnen?"I said "I was thinking Arby's"... again they were shuked. I told them I was kidding but I'd get them something. The husband wouldn't give in at first, but finally he gave me his address. I just got off the phone with the kid's boss and told him what a great employee he has working for him and at lunch I'm gonna get an Olive Garden gift card for them and a Toys R Us gift card for their kids. This seems like something SLB would do, so I figure its the right thing to do.
I'm perhaps moderately better at fixing flat tires than I am installing Netflix (though that doesn't stop me from calling AAA whenever I do encounter a flat) so when I happened upon a mother at my sons' school who had a flat with no AAA, no idea how to fix it and a deadline to pick her young child up from daycare, it was GMs turn at bat for hero. In my very best George Costanza as Marine Biologist manner, I pulled out all the necessary parts from her trunk (non euphemism) and began putting on the spare. Now this was an unusually hot September day for Portland and since everybody knows one another at this school, a rather good sized crowd of other mothers gathered to watch the fat, white guy dressed in slacks struggle with the jack, sweating like Michael Jordan in the 4th Q of a playoff game. It was pick-up time at school, so my sons, their sons and other kids began to join the crowd and suddenly, I felt all eyes upon me. And when I realized that i was jacking up her Honda in the wrong spot (again, no euphemism), slightly bending her car's frame in the process, I quickly and quietly tried to adjust the jack to the right spot before anybody could notice. Of course, it took all of 2 seconds before my know-it-all son said "Hey dad, did you just dent her car with that thing?"
Fortunately, the damage to her car was very minimal and she didn't really even care/notice. Was just relieved to get her spare tire on so she could get on her way. She even dropped a bottle of nice wine off to me later that week. All the other moms told my wife about it, so that was good too. It was, perhaps, my finest hour.
I always thought replacing a tire was something that was just part of our DNA, like breathing.
Notorious T.R.E.
Showdown!™ Administrator
Unialias had a semi-decent igloo shtick going last weekend. However, after he played pulltabs with us he was at least willing to visit if not just move here altogether.
BRONG
FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY
Bob does his own thing. I coulda picked him up with cold beers and a j or whatever and showed them some killer sites, but nah, he'd rather walk in circles around Kuhio highway. Hilarious.
I'll show you semi-decent...I keep meaning to write up a mini-recap of the weekend but everything is foggy and I still feel like a hungover mess. At the very least big thanks to Guster for being an awesome host.
Great trip with some awesome people.Also, I called the Dallas Eagles place and asked about pulltabs and the old guy had no clue what I was talking about. "WHAAAT?? NO our pool doesn't open until the summer!"
Notorious T.R.E.
Showdown!™ Administrator
I remember there was a place with fancy hotdogs. And me and the lady from the table next to us shared a drink. ;0I'll show you semi-decent...I keep meaning to write up a mini-recap of the weekend but everything is foggy and I still feel like a hungover mess. At the very least big thanks to Guster for being an awesome host.
Notorious T.R.E.
Showdown!™ Administrator
BeardbrothersI think she may have been the one who asked how we all knew each other, and laughed in my face when I told her from the internet.
So instead we went with Tre being my brother.
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
Hey, I thought I was your brother!I think she may have been the one who asked how we all knew each other, and laughed in my face when I told her from the internet.
Notorious T.R.E.
Showdown!™ Administrator
Do you have a pic of yourself rubbing your beard against his?Hey, I thought I was your brother!I think she may have been the one who asked how we all knew each other, and laughed in my face when I told her from the internet.
Or do you have a pic of yourself in a horse mask standing behind a bunch of guys dressed as comic book superheroes?
Notorious T.R.E.
Showdown!™ Administrator
Bing (1)> Hey
General Malaise
Footballguy
The horse dance thing still has me laughing.
Notorious T.R.E.
Showdown!™ Administrator
Couldn't see #### in that thing. You're kind of lost in your own world. Plus, all of the bourbons were mine.The horse dance thing still has me laughing.
General Malaise
Footballguy
It's one of those things where if I visualize it in a meeting or church or something, I'll be in immediate trouble.Couldn't see #### in that thing. You're kind of lost in your own world. Plus, all of the bourbons were mine.The horse dance thing still has me laughing.
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
Maybe I do and maybe I don't.Do you have a pic of yourself rubbing your beard against his? Or do you have a pic of yourself in a horse mask standing behind a bunch of guys dressed as comic book superheroes?Hey, I thought I was your brother!I think she may have been the one who asked how we all knew each other, and laughed in my face when I told her from the internet.
General Malaise
Footballguy
My favorite text from yesterday: Me: I can't believe you get to meet shuke Thorn: Sitting across from him right now and it's like he's having his own eat-off.
Crazy Canuck
Footballguy
My notebook says:
Really funny guy. Caring father. Absolutely disaster of a life in all other regards.
Crazy Canuck
Footballguy
And but also I am a mechanical dunce unless it involves spray paint, and even I can change a tire (without spray paint).
Jeezus, didn't you people watch A Christmas Story? Get your kid to hold the lug nuts. Hit him so they fly all over and he drops an eff bomb. Send him back to the car, and a minute later the tire is done.
Jeezus, didn't you people watch A Christmas Story? Get your kid to hold the lug nuts. Hit him so they fly all over and he drops an eff bomb. Send him back to the car, and a minute later the tire is done.
Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
No, but I did have a flat when I was a student at the U of M, most likely due to cold. It was -25. We wanted to hit the bars, so there I was changing my tire in total darkness in conditions that no human should be exposed to ever. God bless that donut.
ScottNorwood
Footballcutie
ScottNorwood
Footballcutie
Zow
Footballguy
I love Fat Tires
Notorious T.R.E.
Showdown!™ Administrator
Tecumseh
Footballguy
I've been employing the WWSLBD strategy too. Hasn't gotten me a headvag yet, but I'm still holding out hope.Gadzooks said:Made an emergency run to the grocery store last night for juice boxes with Little 'Zooks. Come out of the store to find I have a flat tire. Now I'm as handy with car stuff as GM is with Netflix or TRE is with running with a horse mask. I was still dressed from work and it was officially past Little 'Zooks bedtime and I've been dealing with some pulled muscle in my back and I have a sore throat (I'll just assume I'm not dying) I was trying to put the spare donut tire on, but he POS car jack I had was working very well (keep in mind I'm an idiot when it comes to this stuff) A girl comes walking by with her groceries and a stroller with 2 babies and she offers to have her husband help me when he gets there to pick her up. I told her no but she was insistent and then she asked to use my phone because her's wasn't charged. She calls the husband and I hear her say "we're ready, come get us, oh and when you get here get your jack out of the car and help this nice guy change his tire, he's in a suit and tie and he's getting dirty and he has his little son with him". So the husband pulls up and immediately gets his jack out tells me that he'll change the tire (I guess he could tell I was an idiot) He coudln't have been more than 25 years old. HIs car was a piece of junk and overall I was guessing this young family with one car was probably not doing great financially.
He mentioned that he just got out of work and I notice his shirt says a local cleaning company which I happen to know the owner. So I told him I was gonna call his boss and tell him what a great person he has working for him. At first he says, no don't do that, then he says, well ok my name is Justin. Meanwhile the wife is entertaining her babies and listening to Little 'Zooks tell her a story about how he won a fart contest in school today. I kinda stood there thinking about how nice these people were and if I would've done the same thing. I thought I wanted to do something else for them, and I thought "what would SLB do"... So I said to them "these are the times I wished I carred around Panera gift cards". They were shuked. I asked them where they like to go out to eat and the wife said they don't really ever go out to eat. I told them I was gonna get them a gift card to a nice restaurant. The husband said no and not to bother but the wife said "someplace nice? Like Olive Gardnen?"
Mr.Pack
Footballguy
Hey Wild Bill, who is Chris D. on your facebooks? He sent me a friend request.This is lovely. I get home and go out on the deck for a smoke. I see a hen with at least 8 chicks in the "crick". I'm all excited, thinking that "my" hen has hatched her brood. Look out the front door and no such luck. There's Sarah Palin (my term of, um, affection for her) sitting her nest of evil. My mail is going to be spilling out onto the road before I can get to the box (again, none of this paragraph is a euphemism). GM, can you bring your garter snake over here to scare the crap out of this Jezebel?I wish she'd hatch the damned things already because I have some work to do around there but don't want to piss her off again. I was out there, blissfully ignorant as always of what's happening around me, pulling weeds a couple of weeks ago and all of a sudden one of the bushes came alive. Scared the hell out of me. She came out hissing and wings flapping. So now I go out every few days and toss her bread crumbs because I feel guilty for disturbung her
Osaurus
Footballguy
That too was memorable.
Mr.Pack
Footballguy
If my notebook is correct, I thought he said him and his wife were going on some sort of a trip.
Tremendous Upside
Footballguy
HOW DO YOU GUYS NOT KNOW HOW TO CHANGE A TIRE???
I don't drive and have successfully changed tires
Changing a tire is good times.
Frostillicus
Footballguy
Whoa, 17-7 is actually in play in the Red Sox pool! 
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