GM's thread about nothing (36 Viewers)

[Tiger Fan]

Rough situation at work. Oil and gas is a traditionally white, male, conservative dominant industry and my company just got named as one of the least "diverse" companies on the S&P 100. I'm a white male, so hooray for me, but a black guy in my group (we'll call him Lamont) has to sit next to a couple of racists.Lamont has a recording on his phone of two guys in our group going off in an adjacent cube about a Mexican co-worker, going off on black people (several n-bombs), etc. After he made the recording several months ago he went to HR and our boss (Lamont and the racists report to the same guy). Boss' solution was for them to write a letter saying they were sorry. Lamont is afraid of pushing the issue with HR as he's a younger guy and the two racists have been in the business for 25+ years and Lamont is afraid of being blackballed (I know).Evidently things flared up again today and Lamont pulled me aside and asked if I wanted to listen to the recording. I do not. I started tearing up when I heard the story from someone else, so no way I could handle hearing it myself. I explained this to him and told him that I would help him any way I can, but I really didn't have any other advice other than "you have to take care of yourself."I know things in this situation suck 100x worse for Lamont than they do for me, but I've no clue what to do here.

Anonymous email to Lamont telling him to sue? Seriously, I don't know. Sounds like the boss is a POS...and given the "least diverse" ranking..I would probably just sue or bring it up again

 

[Tiger Fan]

Rough situation at work. Oil and gas is a traditionally white, male, conservative dominant industry and my company just got named as one of the least "diverse" companies on the S&P 100. I'm a white male, so hooray for me, but a black guy in my group (we'll call him Lamont) has to sit next to a couple of racists.Lamont has a recording on his phone of two guys in our group going off in an adjacent cube about a Mexican co-worker, going off on black people (several n-bombs), etc. After he made the recording several months ago he went to HR and our boss (Lamont and the racists report to the same guy). Boss' solution was for them to write a letter saying they were sorry. Lamont is afraid of pushing the issue with HR as he's a younger guy and the two racists have been in the business for 25+ years and Lamont is afraid of being blackballed (I know).Evidently things flared up again today and Lamont pulled me aside and asked if I wanted to listen to the recording. I do not. I started tearing up when I heard the story from someone else, so no way I could handle hearing it myself. I explained this to him and told him that I would help him any way I can, but I really didn't have any other advice other than "you have to take care of yourself."I know things in this situation suck 100x worse for Lamont than they do for me, but I've no clue what to do here.

This is a tough situation for you, as well as Lamont. You are obviously empathetic toward him from your emotional response and you know your co-workers are wrong. Knowing its wrong you must ow decide what your proper response/course of action is. as a bread-winner, employee, and human being. Sadly the confluence of those three factors provide three paths. not a single correct one.

I think you should somehow document your direct knowledge of the improper behavior of the other co-workers. While your manager may be nonplussed, I guarantee somewhere up the chain is a level of management that would abhor these actions, even if only because of the "least diverse" label they recently earned.

Good posting...you want to have a paper trail of what you know in case you get dragged into this ;shrug:

 

[Limp Ditka]

Talked to her mother. I thought it important to get out in front of that since her mother knows she can be very fragile. Asked mil to call and invite her down for a few days. I actually think having some room for a few days or a week or so wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. She is very angry with me and that isn't going away until I start getting some of her money returned.

I've avoided reading most of this over the last few months. For some reason I read this one.

Her money? Have you guys always had separate finances?

 

[Hawks64]

Talked to her mother. I thought it important to get out in front of that since her mother knows she can be very fragile. Asked mil to call and invite her down for a few days. I actually think having some room for a few days or a week or so wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. She is very angry with me and that isn't going away until I start getting some of her money returned.

Just don't make the mistake of going out to bars/strip clubs/golf range etc. Be extremely frugal while she's gone. Like Ramen noodle college freshmen kind of frugal.

 

[General Malaise]

What came of that? Did you get your cut?

I did indeed. Turns out the world does have honest strippers in it after all. Horatio Alger couldn't write a happier ending.

 

[General Malaise]

Talked to her mother. I thought it important to get out in front of that since her mother knows she can be very fragile. Asked mil to call and invite her down for a few days. I actually think having some room for a few days or a week or so wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. She is very angry with me and that isn't going away until I start getting some of her money returned.

I've avoided reading most of this over the last few months. For some reason I read this one.

Her money? Have you guys always had separate finances?

Not really her money....her credit.

 

[Mr. Pickles]

Rough situation at work. Oil and gas is a traditionally white, male, conservative dominant industry and my company just got named as one of the least "diverse" companies on the S&P 100. I'm a white male, so hooray for me, but a black guy in my group (we'll call him Lamont) has to sit next to a couple of racists.Lamont has a recording on his phone of two guys in our group going off in an adjacent cube about a Mexican co-worker, going off on black people (several n-bombs), etc. After he made the recording several months ago he went to HR and our boss (Lamont and the racists report to the same guy). Boss' solution was for them to write a letter saying they were sorry. Lamont is afraid of pushing the issue with HR as he's a younger guy and the two racists have been in the business for 25+ years and Lamont is afraid of being blackballed (I know).Evidently things flared up again today and Lamont pulled me aside and asked if I wanted to listen to the recording. I do not. I started tearing up when I heard the story from someone else, so no way I could handle hearing it myself. I explained this to him and told him that I would help him any way I can, but I really didn't have any other advice other than "you have to take care of yourself."I know things in this situation suck 100x worse for Lamont than they do for me, but I've no clue what to do here.

This is a tough situation for you, as well as Lamont. You are obviously empathetic toward him from your emotional response and you know your co-workers are wrong. Knowing its wrong you must ow decide what your proper response/course of action is. as a bread-winner, employee, and human being. Sadly the confluence of those three factors provide three paths. not a single correct one.

I think you should somehow document your direct knowledge of the improper behavior of the other co-workers. While your manager may be nonplussed, I guarantee somewhere up the chain is a level of management that would abhor these actions, even if only because of the "least diverse" label they recently earned.

Good posting...you want to have a paper trail of what you know in case you get dragged into this ;shrug:

Actually, I don't know if that's true. I was a point of contact for harrassment claims and they told us not to keep notes. We could write things down in order to relay details to the police or other officials, but it was a good idea to not have a hard copy of anything.

 

[Mr. Pickles]

What came of that? Did you get your cut?

I did indeed. Turns out the world does have honest strippers in it after all. Horatio Alger couldn't write a happier ending.

Do you have a ragged ****?

 

[Tiger Fan]

So I hate to serious this thread up a bit...but has anyone had the "I don't want to have any more kids" chat with the wife, knowing that she wants another one? I'm sure she knows this is my stance, but we haven't had the "official" talk about it...and it kills me that this will likely make her sad...but it's the honest truth.

Any tips are welcomed!

For those scoring at home, we had the talk last night...she was expecting me to say I didn't want any more...and I expected her to cry and be sad...and both happened. But all things considered, I think it went as well as I could have expected.

:shrug;

 

[General Malaise]

What came of that? Did you get your cut?

I did indeed. Turns out the world does have honest strippers in it after all. Horatio Alger couldn't write a happier ending.

Do you have a ragged ****?

No, though more than a few of GM's buddies suggested I tell her to keep the money.

Nice, pull, btw. Had to look that one up.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

So I hate to serious this thread up a bit...but has anyone had the "I don't want to have any more kids" chat with the wife, knowing that she wants another one? I'm sure she knows this is my stance, but we haven't had the "official" talk about it...and it kills me that this will likely make her sad...but it's the honest truth.

Any tips are welcomed!

For those scoring at home, we had the talk last night...she was expecting me to say I didn't want any more...and I expected her to cry and be sad...and both happened. But all things considered, I think it went as well as I could have expected.

:shrug;

Those of you not scoring at home...try buying her flowers.

 

[Idiot Boxer]

So I hate to serious this thread up a bit...but has anyone had the "I don't want to have any more kids" chat with the wife, knowing that she wants another one? I'm sure she knows this is my stance, but we haven't had the "official" talk about it...and it kills me that this will likely make her sad...but it's the honest truth.

Any tips are welcomed!

For those scoring at home, we had the talk last night...she was expecting me to say I didn't want any more...and I expected her to cry and be sad...and both happened. But all things considered, I think it went as well as I could have expected.

:shrug;

History: How many kids do you have?

 

[General Malaise]

So I hate to serious this thread up a bit...but has anyone had the "I don't want to have any more kids" chat with the wife, knowing that she wants another one? I'm sure she knows this is my stance, but we haven't had the "official" talk about it...and it kills me that this will likely make her sad...but it's the honest truth.

Any tips are welcomed!

For those scoring at home, we had the talk last night...she was expecting me to say I didn't want any more...and I expected her to cry and be sad...and both happened. But all things considered, I think it went as well as I could have expected.

:shrug;

CONGRATS ON THE NEW PREGNANCY, CHRIS!

 

[shuke]

YSR, I'm going to Charleston/Hilton Head/Savannah this weekend for a wedding. Any advice?

I can't speak to Hilton Head a whole lot. Nice place, but not too much of a young scene there - lots of retirees. Charleston and Savannah are both great places. Do you have a tentative schedule? Are you wanting to see anything historical, etc.? I can give food recommendations for both.

thanks. wedding is in Hilton Head so won't have much downtime there anyway. will be in Charleston most of the time (FRI/MON/TUES) plus a day or so in Savannah (SUN). Have a couple of food places lined up already (going to Sean Brock places Husk and McCradys in Charleston, and Mrs Wilkes in Savannah), but am open to hearing some of your favorites. Regarding things to see, don't know much of anything so any cool suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks.

Mrs. TF won a MC Hammer dance contest in some bar in Hilton Head a few years back. That's all I got

Video of your wife please?

check FB

Bull####. I check your page like every couple days.

 

[shuke]

I'm actually getting an iphone next week for work finally. Are you telling me I don't need to buy a video camera?

yes

Skeptical

 

[Tiger Fan]

Rough situation at work. Oil and gas is a traditionally white, male, conservative dominant industry and my company just got named as one of the least "diverse" companies on the S&P 100. I'm a white male, so hooray for me, but a black guy in my group (we'll call him Lamont) has to sit next to a couple of racists.Lamont has a recording on his phone of two guys in our group going off in an adjacent cube about a Mexican co-worker, going off on black people (several n-bombs), etc. After he made the recording several months ago he went to HR and our boss (Lamont and the racists report to the same guy). Boss' solution was for them to write a letter saying they were sorry. Lamont is afraid of pushing the issue with HR as he's a younger guy and the two racists have been in the business for 25+ years and Lamont is afraid of being blackballed (I know).Evidently things flared up again today and Lamont pulled me aside and asked if I wanted to listen to the recording. I do not. I started tearing up when I heard the story from someone else, so no way I could handle hearing it myself. I explained this to him and told him that I would help him any way I can, but I really didn't have any other advice other than "you have to take care of yourself."I know things in this situation suck 100x worse for Lamont than they do for me, but I've no clue what to do here.

This is a tough situation for you, as well as Lamont. You are obviously empathetic toward him from your emotional response and you know your co-workers are wrong. Knowing its wrong you must ow decide what your proper response/course of action is. as a bread-winner, employee, and human being. Sadly the confluence of those three factors provide three paths. not a single correct one.

I think you should somehow document your direct knowledge of the improper behavior of the other co-workers. While your manager may be nonplussed, I guarantee somewhere up the chain is a level of management that would abhor these actions, even if only because of the "least diverse" label they recently earned.

Good posting...you want to have a paper trail of what you know in case you get dragged into this ;shrug:

Actually, I don't know if that's true. I was a point of contact for harrassment claims and they told us not to keep notes. We could write things down in order to relay details to the police or other officials, but it was a good idea to not have a hard copy of anything.

Hmm...I'm putting myself in Ignoramus' shoes...what if Lamont goes to HR and asks who he told and happens to mention Ignoramus' name...and it's a part of their company code where you have to report stuff...I guess I just want some sort of documentation...but maybe I'm wrong

 

[Tiger Fan]

So I hate to serious this thread up a bit...but has anyone had the "I don't want to have any more kids" chat with the wife, knowing that she wants another one? I'm sure she knows this is my stance, but we haven't had the "official" talk about it...and it kills me that this will likely make her sad...but it's the honest truth.

Any tips are welcomed!

For those scoring at home, we had the talk last night...she was expecting me to say I didn't want any more...and I expected her to cry and be sad...and both happened. But all things considered, I think it went as well as I could have expected.

:shrug;

Those of you not scoring at home...try buying her flowers.

HEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOO

ETA: We need an heeyyyooo emoticon

 

[Mr. Pickles]

Rough situation at work. Oil and gas is a traditionally white, male, conservative dominant industry and my company just got named as one of the least "diverse" companies on the S&P 100. I'm a white male, so hooray for me, but a black guy in my group (we'll call him Lamont) has to sit next to a couple of racists.Lamont has a recording on his phone of two guys in our group going off in an adjacent cube about a Mexican co-worker, going off on black people (several n-bombs), etc. After he made the recording several months ago he went to HR and our boss (Lamont and the racists report to the same guy). Boss' solution was for them to write a letter saying they were sorry. Lamont is afraid of pushing the issue with HR as he's a younger guy and the two racists have been in the business for 25+ years and Lamont is afraid of being blackballed (I know).Evidently things flared up again today and Lamont pulled me aside and asked if I wanted to listen to the recording. I do not. I started tearing up when I heard the story from someone else, so no way I could handle hearing it myself. I explained this to him and told him that I would help him any way I can, but I really didn't have any other advice other than "you have to take care of yourself."I know things in this situation suck 100x worse for Lamont than they do for me, but I've no clue what to do here.

This is a tough situation for you, as well as Lamont. You are obviously empathetic toward him from your emotional response and you know your co-workers are wrong. Knowing its wrong you must ow decide what your proper response/course of action is. as a bread-winner, employee, and human being. Sadly the confluence of those three factors provide three paths. not a single correct one.

I think you should somehow document your direct knowledge of the improper behavior of the other co-workers. While your manager may be nonplussed, I guarantee somewhere up the chain is a level of management that would abhor these actions, even if only because of the "least diverse" label they recently earned.

Good posting...you want to have a paper trail of what you know in case you get dragged into this ;shrug:

Actually, I don't know if that's true. I was a point of contact for harrassment claims and they told us not to keep notes. We could write things down in order to relay details to the police or other officials, but it was a good idea to not have a hard copy of anything.

Hmm...I'm putting myself in Ignoramus' shoes...what if Lamont goes to HR and asks who he told and happens to mention Ignoramus' name...and it's a part of their company code where you have to report stuff...I guess I just want some sort of documentation...but maybe I'm wrong

It seems logical to do this. I was surprised at this too. I assume it's to avoid being pulled into the fray.

 

[Tiger Fan]

So I hate to serious this thread up a bit...but has anyone had the "I don't want to have any more kids" chat with the wife, knowing that she wants another one? I'm sure she knows this is my stance, but we haven't had the "official" talk about it...and it kills me that this will likely make her sad...but it's the honest truth.

Any tips are welcomed!

For those scoring at home, we had the talk last night...she was expecting me to say I didn't want any more...and I expected her to cry and be sad...and both happened. But all things considered, I think it went as well as I could have expected.

:shrug;

History: How many kids do you have?

Twin boys...2yo. Went through hell having them and finally conceived via IVF

 

[Tiger Fan]

YSR, I'm going to Charleston/Hilton Head/Savannah this weekend for a wedding. Any advice?

I can't speak to Hilton Head a whole lot. Nice place, but not too much of a young scene there - lots of retirees. Charleston and Savannah are both great places. Do you have a tentative schedule? Are you wanting to see anything historical, etc.? I can give food recommendations for both.

thanks. wedding is in Hilton Head so won't have much downtime there anyway. will be in Charleston most of the time (FRI/MON/TUES) plus a day or so in Savannah (SUN). Have a couple of food places lined up already (going to Sean Brock places Husk and McCradys in Charleston, and Mrs Wilkes in Savannah), but am open to hearing some of your favorites. Regarding things to see, don't know much of anything so any cool suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks.

Mrs. TF won a MC Hammer dance contest in some bar in Hilton Head a few years back. That's all I got

Video of your wife please?

check FB

Bull####. I check your page like every couple days.

 

[Idiot Boxer]

So I hate to serious this thread up a bit...but has anyone had the "I don't want to have any more kids" chat with the wife, knowing that she wants another one? I'm sure she knows this is my stance, but we haven't had the "official" talk about it...and it kills me that this will likely make her sad...but it's the honest truth.

Any tips are welcomed!

For those scoring at home, we had the talk last night...she was expecting me to say I didn't want any more...and I expected her to cry and be sad...and both happened. But all things considered, I think it went as well as I could have expected.

:shrug;

History: How many kids do you have?

Twin boys...2yo. Went through hell having them and finally conceived via IVF

So she wants a girl, then?

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Rough situation at work. Oil and gas is a traditionally white, male, conservative dominant industry and my company just got named as one of the least "diverse" companies on the S&P 100. I'm a white male, so hooray for me, but a black guy in my group (we'll call him Lamont) has to sit next to a couple of racists.Lamont has a recording on his phone of two guys in our group going off in an adjacent cube about a Mexican co-worker, going off on black people (several n-bombs), etc. After he made the recording several months ago he went to HR and our boss (Lamont and the racists report to the same guy). Boss' solution was for them to write a letter saying they were sorry. Lamont is afraid of pushing the issue with HR as he's a younger guy and the two racists have been in the business for 25+ years and Lamont is afraid of being blackballed (I know).Evidently things flared up again today and Lamont pulled me aside and asked if I wanted to listen to the recording. I do not. I started tearing up when I heard the story from someone else, so no way I could handle hearing it myself. I explained this to him and told him that I would help him any way I can, but I really didn't have any other advice other than "you have to take care of yourself."I know things in this situation suck 100x worse for Lamont than they do for me, but I've no clue what to do here.

This is a tough situation for you, as well as Lamont. You are obviously empathetic toward him from your emotional response and you know your co-workers are wrong. Knowing its wrong you must ow decide what your proper response/course of action is. as a bread-winner, employee, and human being. Sadly the confluence of those three factors provide three paths. not a single correct one.

I think you should somehow document your direct knowledge of the improper behavior of the other co-workers. While your manager may be nonplussed, I guarantee somewhere up the chain is a level of management that would abhor these actions, even if only because of the "least diverse" label they recently earned.

Good posting...you want to have a paper trail of what you know in case you get dragged into this ;shrug:

Actually, I don't know if that's true. I was a point of contact for harrassment claims and they told us not to keep notes. We could write things down in order to relay details to the police or other officials, but it was a good idea to not have a hard copy of anything.

Hmm...I'm putting myself in Ignoramus' shoes...what if Lamont goes to HR and asks who he told and happens to mention Ignoramus' name...and it's a part of their company code where you have to report stuff...I guess I just want some sort of documentation...but maybe I'm wrong

It seems logical to do this. I was surprised at this too. I assume it's to avoid being pulled into the fray.

I'm in this camp as well. Then again I don't work in the private sector so who knows.

 

[Ignoramus]

Talked to her mother. I thought it important to get out in front of that since her mother knows she can be very fragile. Asked mil to call and invite her down for a few days. I actually think having some room for a few days or a week or so wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. She is very angry with me and that isn't going away until I start getting some of her money returned.

I'm no broad, but I do not think she's most upset about the money. Sure, being $250k in the hole is a kick in the nuts, but it's the loss of trust that's important to her and what you need to focus on rebuilding, IMO.

 

[shuke]

Well, she's packing some things and taking the kid to her parents. I have been very open discussing things the last few days and this morning was nice with her as I left for work. But something happened and she asked me to come home. She had the wedding album out on the table and was sobbing and proceeded to tear me a new one before calmly saying over and over, "well of just didn't work out....a few customers didn't pay on time so this just didn't work out."She is a woman so she is prone to wild mood swings but I really didn't expect this when I left this morning.I'm trying to get a gold of her mother at the moment but haven't had any luck.

Hang in there, brother.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

You didn't charge your drinks after the Albert Oaks cornhole, did you? Maybe she went account snooping and didn't like how she saw the money being spent.

 

[General Malaise]

So I hate to serious this thread up a bit...but has anyone had the "I don't want to have any more kids" chat with the wife, knowing that she wants another one? I'm sure she knows this is my stance, but we haven't had the "official" talk about it...and it kills me that this will likely make her sad...but it's the honest truth.

Any tips are welcomed!

For those scoring at home, we had the talk last night...she was expecting me to say I didn't want any more...and I expected her to cry and be sad...and both happened. But all things considered, I think it went as well as I could have expected.

:shrug;

History: How many kids do you have?

Twin boys...2yo. Went through hell having them and finally conceived via IVF

So she wants a girl, then?

I can FedEx one to him.....

 

[Abraham]

You didn't charge your drinks after the Albert Oaks cornhole, did you? Maybe she went account snooping and didn't like how she saw the money being spent.

No. If she went back far enough she'd find some charges at the local watering hole while she was out of town that I didn't tell her about. But like I said, 20k of the money owed on her cards are direct expenses or deferred paychecks from the business. i wasn't out buying motorcycles and lap dances.

 

[Ignoramus]

Rough situation at work. Oil and gas is a traditionally white, male, conservative dominant industry and my company just got named as one of the least "diverse" companies on the S&P 100. I'm a white male, so hooray for me, but a black guy in my group (we'll call him Lamont) has to sit next to a couple of racists.Lamont has a recording on his phone of two guys in our group going off in an adjacent cube about a Mexican co-worker, going off on black people (several n-bombs), etc. After he made the recording several months ago he went to HR and our boss (Lamont and the racists report to the same guy). Boss' solution was for them to write a letter saying they were sorry. Lamont is afraid of pushing the issue with HR as he's a younger guy and the two racists have been in the business for 25+ years and Lamont is afraid of being blackballed (I know).Evidently things flared up again today and Lamont pulled me aside and asked if I wanted to listen to the recording. I do not. I started tearing up when I heard the story from someone else, so no way I could handle hearing it myself. I explained this to him and told him that I would help him any way I can, but I really didn't have any other advice other than "you have to take care of yourself."I know things in this situation suck 100x worse for Lamont than they do for me, but I've no clue what to do here.

This is a tough situation for you, as well as Lamont. You are obviously empathetic toward him from your emotional response and you know your co-workers are wrong. Knowing its wrong you must ow decide what your proper response/course of action is. as a bread-winner, employee, and human being. Sadly the confluence of those three factors provide three paths. not a single correct one. I think you should somehow document your direct knowledge of the improper behavior of the other co-workers. While your manager may be nonplussed, I guarantee somewhere up the chain is a level of management that would abhor these actions, even if only because of the "least diverse" label they recently earned.

Good posting...you want to have a paper trail of what you know in case you get dragged into this ;shrug:

Actually, I don't know if that's true. I was a point of contact for harrassment claims and they told us not to keep notes. We could write things down in order to relay details to the police or other officials, but it was a good idea to not have a hard copy of anything.

Hmm...I'm putting myself in Ignoramus' shoes...what if Lamont goes to HR and asks who he told and happens to mention Ignoramus' name...and it's a part of their company code where you have to report stuff...I guess I just want some sort of documentation...but maybe I'm wrong

Really, I don't "know" anything. I've only heard things second and third-hand, so I think I'm okay on that front.Second-hand again, I spoke with someone who spoke with Lamont, and he's aware of the reporting avenues he has through our Code of Conduct (anonymous and whistleblower protection) and has also spoken with lawyers. It still seems like he's reluctant to file a formal complaint. He played the recording for our HR rep but did not want to escalate things and give them a copy of the recording. Really I'm not sure what he wants at this point (other than the racist talk around him to stop). He's a genuinely good guy and not looking to "get paid" as far as I can tell.

 

[Limp Ditka]

You didn't charge your drinks after the Albert Oaks cornhole, did you? Maybe she went account snooping and didn't like how she saw the money being spent.

No. If she went back far enough she'd find some charges at the local watering hole while she was out of town that I didn't tell her about. But like I said, 20k of the money owed on her cards are direct expenses or deferred paychecks from the business. i wasn't out buying motorcycles and lap dances.

I see you have 'and' in there. So it was just lapdances, right?

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Rough situation at work. Oil and gas is a traditionally white, male, conservative dominant industry and my company just got named as one of the least "diverse" companies on the S&P 100. I'm a white male, so hooray for me, but a black guy in my group (we'll call him Lamont) has to sit next to a couple of racists.Lamont has a recording on his phone of two guys in our group going off in an adjacent cube about a Mexican co-worker, going off on black people (several n-bombs), etc. After he made the recording several months ago he went to HR and our boss (Lamont and the racists report to the same guy). Boss' solution was for them to write a letter saying they were sorry. Lamont is afraid of pushing the issue with HR as he's a younger guy and the two racists have been in the business for 25+ years and Lamont is afraid of being blackballed (I know).Evidently things flared up again today and Lamont pulled me aside and asked if I wanted to listen to the recording. I do not. I started tearing up when I heard the story from someone else, so no way I could handle hearing it myself. I explained this to him and told him that I would help him any way I can, but I really didn't have any other advice other than "you have to take care of yourself."I know things in this situation suck 100x worse for Lamont than they do for me, but I've no clue what to do here.

This is a tough situation for you, as well as Lamont. You are obviously empathetic toward him from your emotional response and you know your co-workers are wrong. Knowing its wrong you must ow decide what your proper response/course of action is. as a bread-winner, employee, and human being. Sadly the confluence of those three factors provide three paths. not a single correct one. I think you should somehow document your direct knowledge of the improper behavior of the other co-workers. While your manager may be nonplussed, I guarantee somewhere up the chain is a level of management that would abhor these actions, even if only because of the "least diverse" label they recently earned.

Good posting...you want to have a paper trail of what you know in case you get dragged into this ;shrug:

Actually, I don't know if that's true. I was a point of contact for harrassment claims and they told us not to keep notes. We could write things down in order to relay details to the police or other officials, but it was a good idea to not have a hard copy of anything.

Hmm...I'm putting myself in Ignoramus' shoes...what if Lamont goes to HR and asks who he told and happens to mention Ignoramus' name...and it's a part of their company code where you have to report stuff...I guess I just want some sort of documentation...but maybe I'm wrong

Really, I don't "know" anything. I've only heard things second and third-hand, so I think I'm okay on that front.Second-hand again, I spoke with someone who spoke with Lamont, and he's aware of the reporting avenues he has through our Code of Conduct (anonymous and whistleblower protection) and has also spoken with lawyers. It still seems like he's reluctant to file a formal complaint. He played the recording for our HR rep but did not want to escalate things and give them a copy of the recording. Really I'm not sure what he wants at this point (other than the racist talk around him to stop). He's a genuinely good guy and not looking to "get paid" as far as I can tell.

OK, so I'm just spitballing here but why wouldn't you report this? Do you believe what Lamont told the other party to be true?

 

[Bob Sacamano]

If you want her to know you're serious about change, sit down tonight and make a budget. It needs to be realistic and doable, but it needs to be tight. And step 1 towards recovery is coming in under it in month 1. And Then repeating that for the next 60 imo

 

[Bob Sacamano]

It needs to be realistic and doable, but it needs to be tight.

Huh. Takes me back to "the talk" with my old man. Good times!

 

[General Malaise]

[*]Bing (3) - Huge fan, buddy. Everybody else likes Bing (1) and Bing (2) and even teh Googles, but not me.

 

[Abraham]

If you want her to know you're serious about change, sit down tonight and make a budget. It needs to be realistic and doable, but it needs to be tight. And step 1 towards recovery is coming in under it in month 1. And Then repeating that for the next 60 imo

We set out the budget last night. We've been very open about all of this. I think she freaked out because my first paycheck deposited today and because of tax withholding it was about $300 less than she was expecting. So after paying the mortgage today we will have $100 to last for two weeks. I am trying to get someone to come buy the Golf Cart tonight.

 

[Ignoramus]

OK, so I'm just spitballing here but why wouldn't you report this? Do you believe what Lamont told the other party to be true?

I absolutely believe it happened but I also get the sense (based on him not escalating it) that Lamont doesn't want it reported further. He's gone to our boss and to HR and knows the next steps if he wants to push it. I think he feels that, despite whistleblower provisions, there will be negative repercussions for him career-wise.I guess I just need to talk to him and find out what he wants.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

So I hate to serious this thread up a bit...but has anyone had the "I don't want to have any more kids" chat with the wife, knowing that she wants another one? I'm sure she knows this is my stance, but we haven't had the "official" talk about it...and it kills me that this will likely make her sad...but it's the honest truth.

Any tips are welcomed!

For those scoring at home, we had the talk last night...she was expecting me to say I didn't want any more...and I expected her to cry and be sad...and both happened. But all things considered, I think it went as well as I could have expected.

:shrug;

History: How many kids do you have?

Twin boys...2yo. Went through hell having them and finally conceived via IVF

So she wants a girl, then?

I can FedEx one to him.....

PM sent.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

It needs to be realistic and doable, but it needs to be tight.

Huh. Takes me back to "the talk" with my old man. Good times!

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

OK, so I'm just spitballing here but why wouldn't you report this? Do you believe what Lamont told the other party to be true?

I absolutely believe it happened but I also get the sense (based on him not escalating it) that Lamont doesn't want it reported further. He's gone to our boss and to HR and knows the next steps if he wants to push it. I think he feels that, despite whistleblower provisions, there will be negative repercussions for him career-wise.I guess I just need to talk to him and find out what he wants.

WTF. Where do you work? 1973 Cape Town?

 

[Tiger Fan]

So I hate to serious this thread up a bit...but has anyone had the "I don't want to have any more kids" chat with the wife, knowing that she wants another one? I'm sure she knows this is my stance, but we haven't had the "official" talk about it...and it kills me that this will likely make her sad...but it's the honest truth. Any tips are welcomed!

For those scoring at home, we had the talk last night...she was expecting me to say I didn't want any more...and I expected her to cry and be sad...and both happened. But all things considered, I think it went as well as I could have expected. :shrug;

History: How many kids do you have?

Twin boys...2yo. Went through hell having them and finally conceived via IVF

So she wants a girl, then?

yeah. but shes not psycho wife by any means.

 

[commisholio]

Rough situation at work. Oil and gas is a traditionally white, male, conservative dominant industry and my company just got named as one of the least "diverse" companies on the S&P 100. I'm a white male, so hooray for me, but a black guy in my group (we'll call him Lamont) has to sit next to a couple of racists.

Lamont has a recording on his phone of two guys in our group going off in an adjacent cube about a Mexican co-worker, going off on black people (several n-bombs), etc. After he made the recording several months ago he went to HR and our boss (Lamont and the racists report to the same guy). Boss' solution was for them to write a letter saying they were sorry. Lamont is afraid of pushing the issue with HR as he's a younger guy and the two racists have been in the business for 25+ years and Lamont is afraid of being blackballed (I know).

Evidently things flared up again today and Lamont pulled me aside and asked if I wanted to listen to the recording. I do not. I started tearing up when I heard the story from someone else, so no way I could handle hearing it myself. I explained this to him and told him that I would help him any way I can, but I really didn't have any other advice other than "you have to take care of yourself."

I know things in this situation suck 100x worse for Lamont than they do for me, but I've no clue what to do here.

In this day and age how does not Lamont not now have a crap-ton of money coming his way thanks to a suit/settlement?

Oh and you need to call Lamont a "big dummy" for losing the money that was in the secret drawer.

http://shirtoid.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/you-big-dummy.jpg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJk2KqPWGGM

 

[Tiger Fan]

So I hate to serious this thread up a bit...but has anyone had the "I don't want to have any more kids" chat with the wife, knowing that she wants another one? I'm sure she knows this is my stance, but we haven't had the "official" talk about it...and it kills me that this will likely make her sad...but it's the honest truth. Any tips are welcomed!

For those scoring at home, we had the talk last night...she was expecting me to say I didn't want any more...and I expected her to cry and be sad...and both happened. But all things considered, I think it went as well as I could have expected. :shrug;

History: How many kids do you have?

Twin boys...2yo. Went through hell having them and finally conceived via IVF

So she wants a girl, then?

yeah. but shes not psycho wife by any means.

If you want her to know you're serious about change, sit down tonight and make a budget. It needs to be realistic and doable, but it needs to be tight. And step 1 towards recovery is coming in under it in month 1. And Then repeating that for the next 60 imo

We set out the budget last night. We've been very open about all of this. I think she freaked out because my first paycheck deposited today and because of tax withholding it was about $300 less than she was expecting. So after paying the mortgage today we will have $100 to last for two weeks. I am trying to get someone to come buy the Golf Cart tonight.

are you upside down on the house? if not, sell that thing asap and start renting at a place with a low rent

 

[General Malaise]

hadn't even thought of house sale. good idea, Tiger. Course I'm sure if he tells his wife they are selling the house, it might just be the last thing he tells her.

 

[Joe T]

He still owns a very rare and expensive Les Paul.

 

[Limp Ditka]

Abe - if its an option, it's time to file BK

Once you can come to grips with the fact that better men than you have done it, and lesser men than you have come back from it, it should be an easy pill to swallow.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Getting a part-time job on top of the full-time job? Weekends?

If I was a 1/4 Mil in debt I'd swallow any pride I had and work the register at Gas n Sip if I had to. Just saying.

 

[Tiger Fan]

hadn't even thought of house sale. good idea, Tiger. Course I'm sure if he tells his wife they are selling the house, it might just be the last thing he tells her.

depends on how much they can get, reduce their monthly expenses, etc.

 

[Abraham]

Abe - if its an option, it's time to file BKOnce you can come to grips with the fact that better men than you have done it, and lesser men than you have come back from it, it should be an easy pill to swallow.

Curveball for the bk suggesters: none of the business debt is tied to us.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

hadn't even thought of house sale. good idea, Tiger. Course I'm sure if he tells his wife they are selling the house, it might just be the last thing he tells her.

depends on how much they can get, reduce their monthly expenses, etc.

Could potentially do this via refi without needing to sell it, too.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Abe - if its an option, it's time to file BKOnce you can come to grips with the fact that better men than you have done it, and lesser men than you have come back from it, it should be an easy pill to swallow.

Curveball for the bk suggesters: none of the business debt is tied to us.

Mind blown. What does this mean?

 

[Limp Ditka]

Abe - if its an option, it's time to file BKOnce you can come to grips with the fact that better men than you have done it, and lesser men than you have come back from it, it should be an easy pill to swallow.

Curveball for the bk suggesters: none of the business debt is tied to us.

So what's tied to the family?