5 years ago I started a real estate company. Not a brokerage, but a construction/rehab business. I was really good at the purchase/design/execution side. My jobs sold quickly, lots of positive feedback. But I sucked at controlling costs and failed. Didn't crush us, but lost money and wasted 2 years of my life. If you've ever failed at a business before, you know how it consumes you. Ruins your pride, drains your savings, causes massive self doubt.
For years during and after the business failed, the only way I could sleep was by laying on the couch with the TV on. It kept me from pondering the self defeating thoughts and worry. I got so used to it, that it became a bit if a coping mechanism. I've wrapped up all those loose ends, paid my bills, nothing hanging over my head any longer. I took a job at a startup that has been very successful (got to be entrepreneurial without being the one in charge). We've been recognized publically in our industry, have attracted many clients who are wealthy and successful themselves. I have a great wife, 2 great kids, lots of friends and plenty of future hope. Yet I'm still scared to death to sleep anywhere but on the damn couch.
My kids (5 and 3) see me wake up on the couch every morning. I don't like it. My wife doesn't complain but I know it's weird. We still have a healthy sex life, but I just sleep in the living room.
I'd like to go back to our bedroom. Sometimes I try to. But it's like an irrational fear, almost akin to OCD behavior. I just get scared trying to go to sleep in quiet, without TV and noise. I know we could get a TV in our room, but that didn't work either.
I don't know why I'm posting this. No one outside my wife and kids know I'm sleeping like this. I guess it's just that when you develop behaviors under stress to cope with that stress, it's hard to change.