GM's thread about nothing (71 Viewers)

[krista4]

I was nowhere near Chile today, by the way.

The ramifications of your move are being felt throughout the western coast of the Americas. You're like a supervillain.

Sorry, Chile.

 

[kevzilla]

I was nowhere near Chile today, by the way.

The ramifications of your move are being felt throughout the western coast of the Americas. You're like a supervillain.

Upon further reflection, it's really hot in Austin, and the food isn't that good.

 

[shuke]

Leaving without comment.

with gas

 

[krista4]

I was nowhere near Chile today, by the way.

The ramifications of your move are being felt throughout the western coast of the Americas. You're like a supervillain.

Upon further reflection, it's really hot in Austin, and the food isn't that good.

 

[shuke]

Page 2 save

Also Mitch Hedberg jokes (K4 posted to FB)

All time favorite.

 

[bentley]

Page 2 save

Also Mitch Hedberg jokes (K4 posted to FB)

All time favorite.

Agree. Read the whole thing at work today. Laughed my ### off.

I managed to have a lunch session with the local chapter of the American Marketing Association and a dinner where we were honored as one of the Best Companies to Work for in Texas. It would have been the perfect workday if I could have found someone to buy my breakfast.

Now drinking Bulleit, America's favorite bourbon, and catching up on things.

 

[krista4]

Posting that Mitch Hedberg thing to my FB page brought out the most bizarre cross-selection of my friends. I looked at the cross-section of people who liked, shared or commented on it and was confused and pleased. Of course, my favorite was that my Mom "liked" it.

 

[shuke]

Outlook is playing some sort of April Fool's joke on me by popping up every 5 minutes with a message saying that the IMAP server has been disconnected. Plus I just sent a flyer out to 150 people that somehow didn't save in Excel, which had the wrong pricing on it, even though it was correctly saved to my desktop.

Funny stuff Microsoft!!

Started getting some constant IMAP error a few weeks. Found a workaround on the webs but it only lasted a day.

 

[Mr. Pickles]

(after all, she had her tubes ties

(blows out)

 

[shuke]

I didn't know it, but my ex-wife has turned into a Jenny McCarthy disciple and was furious at me for permitting the HPV vaccine.

 

[T Bell]

(after all, she had her tubes ties

(blows out)

 

[Mr. Pickles]

I didn't know it, but my ex-wife has turned into a Jenny McCarthy

How I preferred to read it.

Pics?

 

[Mr. Pickles]

Checked my Yahoo bracket. I'm 367 overall of 4 million+ brackets. Must be all of that time not watching college basketball.

 

[T Bell]

So my girlfriend of three years texted me frantically today as I was hustling to a lunch meeting with my old law partner, before my 1:30 court appearance and my 3:00 calll with another attorney about a new case I'm going to collaborate on. She tells me "I need to tell you something".

I call her back and she sounded completely upset, not wanting to tell me and making like she'd call later. I just said, "Clearly something's wrong, so you may as well just say it."

She said, "I'm pregnant. I haven't had my period in a while and I was concerned about how I was feeling and took a home pregnancy test and it turned positive immediately. I've never had it turn positive that fast unless I've been pregnant [she has two kids]."

At this point she's starting to ramble about taking the test again, hinting that maybe an abortion is for the best, etc.

I'm just trying to get my head around this (after all, she had her tubes ties before she met me and believe me, we've tested that #### out) and also trying to settle her down. I said something about waiting overnight to retake the test, which for some reason she starts laying into me for... before the "April Fools!" payoff.



Forgot what day it was, #######it!

But still,

Oh I made it very clear to her that I'm paying her back for this in spades. Pretty much anything short of "your kids have died" is in play.

 

[shuke]

Our counselor has it double-wrapped in paper towels in a cupboard in her office.

 

[Frostillicus]

So my girlfriend of three years texted me frantically today as I was hustling to a lunch meeting with my old law partner, before my 1:30 court appearance and my 3:00 calll with another attorney about a new case I'm going to collaborate on. She tells me "I need to tell you something".

I call her back and she sounded completely upset, not wanting to tell me and making like she'd call later. I just said, "Clearly something's wrong, so you may as well just say it."

She said, "I'm pregnant. I haven't had my period in a while and I was concerned about how I was feeling and took a home pregnancy test and it turned positive immediately. I've never had it turn positive that fast unless I've been pregnant [she has two kids]."

At this point she's starting to ramble about taking the test again, hinting that maybe an abortion is for the best, etc.

I'm just trying to get my head around this (after all, she had her tubes ties before she met me and believe me, we've tested that #### out) and also trying to settle her down. I said something about waiting overnight to retake the test, which for some reason she starts laying into me for... before the "April Fools!" payoff.



Forgot what day it was, #######it!

But still,

I think the putting it in her butt thing makes a lot of sense here.

 

[shuke]

Page 2 save

Also Mitch Hedberg jokes (K4 posted to FB)

All time favorite.

Agree. Read the whole thing at work today. Laughed my ### off.

I managed to have a lunch session with the local chapter of the American Marketing Association and a dinner where we were honored as one of the Best Companies to Work for in Texas. It would have been the perfect workday if I could have found someone to buy my breakfast.

Now drinking Bulleit, America's favorite bourbon, and catching up on things.

Jesus do you ever actually work?

 

[T Bell]

Page 2 save

Also Mitch Hedberg jokes (K4 posted to FB)

All time favorite.

Agree. Read the whole thing at work today. Laughed my ### off.

I managed to have a lunch session with the local chapter of the American Marketing Association and a dinner where we were honored as one of the Best Companies to Work for in Texas. It would have been the perfect workday if I could have found someone to buy my breakfast.

Now drinking Bulleit, America's favorite bourbon, and catching up on things.

Jesus do you ever actually work?

Only when he's fingerblasting the PR lady.

 

[Good Posting Judge]

CSI shtick in the megachurch thread: Lead. Balloon.

 

[Frostillicus]

CSI shtick in the megachurch thread: Lead. Balloon.

Like a fart in church?

 

[krista4]

Crap, I forgot to make the requisite "I would have bought you breakfast, bentley, if you know what I mean" joke.

 

[proninja]

CSI shtick in the megachurch thread: Lead. Balloon.

You are the best thing going in there. Churchy threads around here are wretched.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

I was nowhere near Chile today, by the way.

The ramifications of your move are being felt throughout the western coast of the Americas. You're like a supervillain.

Upon further reflection, it's really hot in Austin, and the food isn't that good.

Get better Mexicans.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

Checked my Yahoo bracket. I'm 367 overall of 4 million+ brackets. Must be all of that time not watching college basketball.

Friggin' scientists.

 

[Frostillicus]

This Breaking Bad show is awfully good.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

This Breaking Bad show is awfully good.

I've heard good things.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

I'm not good at puns.

In 8th grade Honors English we had a contest to see who could write witty puns and have them published in the school paper as part of some cheesy "literary is fun" section I submitted 10 puns for a chance that one of them would be chosen. No pun in ten did.

Probably :honda: but my cousin just posted this on my FB timeline.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Annnnddd...good night! (possibly semi-NSFW)

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Just kidding.

More Brent

More 2

rotoscope

wow

 

[Mr. Pickles]

Annnnddd...good night! (possibly semi-NSFW)

A young shuke.

 

[Limp Ditka]

I'm not good at puns.

In 8th grade Honors English we had a contest to see who could write witty puns and have them published in the school paper as part of some cheesy "literary is fun" section I submitted 10 puns for a chance that one of them would be chosen. No pun in ten did.

Probably :honda: but my cousin just posted this on my FB timeline.

Rules

 

[Otis]

Am I the only one here who doesn't find the Mitch Hedberg stuff that funny?

 

[Abraham]

 

[Abraham]

Am I the only one here who doesn't find the Mitch Hedberg stuff that funny?

Yes.

 

[Tiger Fan]

Finally beat Pickles in Words With Friends

Winning streak!

 

[heckmanm]

I'm not good at puns.

In 8th grade Honors English we had a contest to see who could write witty puns and have them published in the school paper as part of some cheesy "literary is fun" section I submitted 10 puns for a chance that one of them would be chosen. No pun in ten did.

Probably :honda: but my cousin just posted this on my FB timeline.

3rd panel elevates it immensely

 

[Captain Quinoa]

Page 2 save

Also Mitch Hedberg jokes (K4 posted to FB)

Looks like he dug through Steven Wright's trash for his leftovers.

Bump for Otis

 

[Captain Quinoa]

I was nowhere near Chile today, by the way.

Did you perhaps eat some chili?

 

[Captain Quinoa]

So my girlfriend of three years texted me frantically today as I was hustling to a lunch meeting with my old law partner, before my 1:30 court appearance and my 3:00 calll with another attorney about a new case I'm going to collaborate on. She tells me "I need to tell you something".

I call her back and she sounded completely upset, not wanting to tell me and making like she'd call later. I just said, "Clearly something's wrong, so you may as well just say it."

She said, "I'm pregnant. I haven't had my period in a while and I was concerned about how I was feeling and took a home pregnancy test and it turned positive immediately. I've never had it turn positive that fast unless I've been pregnant [she has two kids]."

At this point she's starting to ramble about taking the test again, hinting that maybe an abortion is for the best, etc.

I'm just trying to get my head around this (after all, she had her tubes ties before she met me and believe me, we've tested that #### out) and also trying to settle her down. I said something about waiting overnight to retake the test, which for some reason she starts laying into me for... before the "April Fools!" payoff.



Forgot what day it was, #######it!

But still,

Just follow your in-stinks.

 

[Henry Ford]

Am I the only one here who doesn't find the Mitch Hedberg stuff that funny?

No, but it's always disappointing when someone doesn't.

 

[Abraham]

Am I the only one here who doesn't find the Mitch Hedberg stuff that funny?

No, but it's always disappointing when someone doesn't.

What lawyer doesn't enjoy nuance?

 

[Henry Ford]

Am I the only one here who doesn't find the Mitch Hedberg stuff that funny?

No, but it's always disappointing when someone doesn't.

What lawyer doesn't enjoy nuance?

Patent litigators.

 

[GroveDiesel]

So we stopped at Subway last night to pickup dinner. That was mistake #2. (Mistake #1 was being inside the Walmart that the Subway was inside).

The lady in front of me was unreal. The worker sliced the bread and the woman started yelling at her to scoop more bread out of the middle. She then asked for lettuce and when the worker started to grab some yelled "'Jus a lil bit, and not DAT stuff on da top! Grab it from the middle!! Yeah, that stuff right there!" She then made the worker sort through every tomato slice and show her each one so she could pick out the exact one she wanted.

It was at that point that I had to tune her out so that I wouldn't spike the sandwich out of her hand like a middle schooler slapping the nerd's books out of his hands.

 

[Abraham]

So we stopped at Subway last night to pickup dinner. That was mistake #2. (Mistake #1 was being inside the Walmart that the Subway was inside).

The lady in front of me was unreal. The worker sliced the bread and the woman started yelling at her to scoop more bread out of the middle. She then asked for lettuce and when the worker started to grab some yelled "'Jus a lil bit, and not DAT stuff on da top! Grab it from the middle!! Yeah, that stuff right there!" She then made the worker sort through every tomato slice and show her each one so she could pick out the exact one she wanted.

It was at that point that I had to tune her out so that I wouldn't spike the sandwich out of her hand like a middle schooler slapping the nerd's books out of his hands.

$5 sandwiches are serious business.

 

[Otis]

Page 2 save

Also Mitch Hedberg jokes (K4 posted to FB)

Looks like he dug through Steven Wright's trash for his leftovers.

Bump for Otis

I thought Steven Wright was pretty funny too. This guy's stuff at least that I read in the link in here was like. "oh. Yeah. That's clever. "

 

[Henry Ford]

Page 2 save

Also Mitch Hedberg jokes (K4 posted to FB)

Looks like he dug through Steven Wright's trash for his leftovers.

Bump for Otis

I thought Steven Wright was pretty funny too. This guy's stuff at least that I read in the link in here was like. "oh. Yeah. That's clever. "

It's very much in his delivery. Much better live than reading his material.

 

[Otis]

Am I the only one here who doesn't find the Mitch Hedberg stuff that funny?

No, but it's always disappointing when someone doesn't.

What lawyer doesn't enjoy nuance?

Homey, I do a painful amount of nuance for pay all day long. I want to come home and do the opposite.

 

[bentley]

Page 2 save

Also Mitch Hedberg jokes (K4 posted to FB)

All time favorite.

Agree. Read the whole thing at work today. Laughed my ### off.I managed to have a lunch session with the local chapter of the American Marketing Association and a dinner where we were honored as one of the Best Companies to Work for in Texas. It would have been the perfect workday if I could have found someone to buy my breakfast.

Now drinking Bulleit, America's favorite bourbon, and catching up on things.

Jesus do you ever actually work?

I'm developing and leveraging my network for business results and community improvement all the time. So, not really.

K4 - I'd love to butter your biscuits and poach your eggs any time. Or something like that.

 

[Henry Ford]

Am I the only one here who doesn't find the Mitch Hedberg stuff that funny?

No, but it's always disappointing when someone doesn't.

What lawyer doesn't enjoy nuance?

Homey, I do a painful amount of nuance for pay all day long. I want to come home and do the opposite.

I heard Anchorman 2 is good for that.

 

[Abraham]

Am I the only one here who doesn't find the Mitch Hedberg stuff that funny?

No, but it's always disappointing when someone doesn't.

What lawyer doesn't enjoy nuance?

Homey, I do a painful amount of nuance for pay all day long. I want to come home and do the opposite.

I'm sure there are some knock knock jokes around here somewhere.