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How would you handle this? (1 Viewer)

kentric

kentric

Footballguy
While I know it depends on the individuals involved, I'm just curious as to what the FFA would do in a the same situation.

I have three kids 15 y.o. girl, 13 y.o. boy and 7 y.o. girl. We have two game computers, a new one which I tell the kids they can only play two games and another for other sites. I log onto the new one and check out the history (my kids aren't supposed to play games during the school week). I find four different porn sites (not mine, I use the other computer) and its not just a link from a questionable site because when I clicked on the site, it gave me a specific video.

I approached my son (my older daughter is a goodie-goodie and the 7 y.o. wouldn't open them) and accused him of using my new computer for things other than its dedicated use and going on for non-school things. He denied it but he knows that I know he did. I didn't push him about the porn aspect, rather, I just kept it on the other two issues (no games and no use on new computer for other than games). My son has been diagnosed with Aspergers and tends to get upset/mad easily. But when I didn't come down on him on the porn thing, he seemed pretty controlled.

We have a pretty good mix of conservative/liberal here so just want to see your positions on how you would handle it.

 
Flogging.

But in all seriousness, with my kid, I'll be addressing that issue directly. Of course, I think porn is wrong and have actually lost a job due to looking at porn at work, so the conversation I would have will probably be quite different than most of you. I think either way, it needs to be addressed. Otherwise you are just throwing the kid to the wolves and we should all remember that the wolves are a LOT more aggressive nowadays than they were when we were kids.

 
Just have the sex talk with him and let him know you are available for any questions he may have or if he just wants to talk. It is natural for a boy to be curious and look at porn. I guess the question is, are you upset that he went to a porn site on the new computer and the wife may blame you? Or are you upset that he used the computer for things outside of what you told them to use if for?

 
Jayrok said:
Just have the sex talk with him and let him know you are available for any questions he may have or if he just wants to talk. It is natural for a boy to be curious and look at porn. I guess the question is, are you upset that he went to a porn site on the new computer and the wife may blame you? Or are you upset that he used the computer for things outside of what you told them to use if for?
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Kind of mixed on the porn side. The first thing I ever stole as a kid was a porn magazine and that was around the same age as him. I'm a bit upset that he broke two rules (no games during school week and not using the "good" computer for things that weren't ok'd by me. Haven't told the wife as she would probably freak out.

I have been contemplating having a talk with him about sex and masturbation. Guess that's a bit accelerated now.

 
Start with basic hetero scenes and girl on girl. Don't jump to the crazier Asian scat films. You'll scare him. He'll learn in due time.

 
K9 Web protect

I did this with my son, had talks, and slowly allowed more content as he got older

 
Last edited by a moderator:
kentric said:
Jayrok said:
Just have the sex talk with him and let him know you are available for any questions he may have or if he just wants to talk. It is natural for a boy to be curious and look at porn. I guess the question is, are you upset that he went to a porn site on the new computer and the wife may blame you? Or are you upset that he used the computer for things outside of what you told them to use if for?
Click to expand...
Kind of mixed on the porn side. The first thing I ever stole as a kid was a porn magazine and that was around the same age as him. I'm a bit upset that he broke two rules (no games during school week and not using the "good" computer for things that weren't ok'd by me. Haven't told the wife as she would probably freak out.

I have been contemplating having a talk with him about sex and masturbation. Guess that's a bit accelerated now.
Click to expand...
I think it will benefit you both if you talk to him about those subjects. Let him know it is natural and all males go through it. Nothing to be ashamed of. He may open up to you and trust you with future advisory opportunities as he gets older.

I never got any type of talk from my dad and I went through puberty thinking my thoughts and actions were nothing but shameful.. that I was just sinning against God (my upbringing is another story). And that only led to secrecy (not unlike stealing a magazine) and more shame. We didn't have the Internet back then, so finding an old magazine in the woods was gold. I remember finding a deck of cards that had scenes on them. I hid them for a long time. Then in a moment of extreme guilt, I destroyed them. Stuff like that.

Have a talk with him.

 
Expect your kid to easily sidestep any filters you put in place, unless you do it at the router level. Even then, he'll probably still get by them.

 
kentric said:
While I know it depends on the individuals involved, I'm just curious as to what the FFA would do in a the same situation.

I have three kids 15 y.o. girl, 13 y.o. boy and 7 y.o. girl. We have two game computers, a new one which I tell the kids they can only play two games and another for other sites. I log onto the new one and check out the history (my kids aren't supposed to play games during the school week). I find four different porn sites (not mine, I use the other computer) and its not just a link from a questionable site because when I clicked on the site, it gave me a specific video.

I approached my son (my older daughter is a goodie-goodie and the 7 y.o. wouldn't open them) and accused him of using my new computer for things other than its dedicated use and going on for non-school things. He denied it but he knows that I know he did. I didn't push him about the porn aspect, rather, I just kept it on the other two issues (no games and no use on new computer for other than games). My son has been diagnosed with Aspergers and tends to get upset/mad easily. But when I didn't come down on him on the porn thing, he seemed pretty controlled.

We have a pretty good mix of conservative/liberal here so just want to see your positions on how you would handle it.
Click to expand...
I think its good to put aside the porn aspect and focus on the fact that he broke your rules regarding computer use. I'd give a one-week ban for that, and deal with the porn aspect completely separately. The porn aspect is probably embarrassing to him, and something he probably feels is wrong, but you don't have a rule established regarding porn, so I think you should be clear that any punishment relates directly to the rules he broke.

 
matuski said:
Was it one of those Mom seducing "not her son" scenes??
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Funny you mention that, but there was one of the three I looked at that had a much older woman with a guy. I better go back and look at the titles of those things.

More research is definitely warranted.

 
NutterButter said:
Are parents supposed to have a talk about masturbation? The sex talk is obvious, but masturbation?
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I don't see why not. Its pretty normal for kids his age to start self satisfaction. I know I did. But there's also a measure of guilt associated with it. If I bring up the subject, it may make him more comfortable with it.

Plus, he yelled at me for coming into his room when the door was closed.

 
Jayrod said:
Flogging.

But in all seriousness, with my kid, I'll be addressing that issue directly. Of course, I think porn is wrong and have actually lost a job due to looking at porn at work, so the conversation I would have will probably be quite different than most of you. I think either way, it needs to be addressed. Otherwise you are just throwing the kid to the wolves and we should all remember that the wolves are a LOT more aggressive nowadays than they were when we were kids.
Click to expand...
Wait, what?

 
Tell him not to go to that site anymore because he might find a scene or two with you and his mother. That should scare him off for awhile.

 
Meh, I was in your son's exact position. When I was 13 the internet was just taking off and, being what I'd consider a normal 13 year old, I dove right in to the porn stuff and had no clue how to cover my tracks. Undoubtedly my Dad discovered it but he and my mom chose not to say anything. I remember him getting upset when the computer got a virus and, when he was cleaning it, the awkward moment when he accessed the cookies and there were tons with porn names. But, thankfully, he didn't acknowledge it outright.

And, hey, I've never had any girls issues and turned out fine. :shrug:

 
Zow said:
Meh, I was in your son's exact position. When I was 13 the internet was just taking off and, being what I'd consider a normal 13 year old, I dove right in to the porn stuff and had no clue how to cover my tracks. Undoubtedly my Dad discovered it but he and my mom chose not to say anything. I remember him getting upset when the computer got a virus and, when he was cleaning it, the awkward moment when he accessed the cookies and there were tons with porn names. But, thankfully, he didn't acknowledge it outright.

And, hey, I've never had any girls issues and turned out fine. :shrug:
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:lmao:

 
Zow said:
Jayrod said:
Flogging.

But in all seriousness, with my kid, I'll be addressing that issue directly. Of course, I think porn is wrong and have actually lost a job due to looking at porn at work, so the conversation I would have will probably be quite different than most of you. I think either way, it needs to be addressed. Otherwise you are just throwing the kid to the wolves and we should all remember that the wolves are a LOT more aggressive nowadays than they were when we were kids.
Click to expand...
Wait, what?
Click to expand...
He said, he got fired for looking at pron at work.

No big deal, and certainly not a story that would pique our interest.

 
Zow said:
Jayrod said:
Flogging.

But in all seriousness, with my kid, I'll be addressing that issue directly. Of course, I think porn is wrong and have actually lost a job due to looking at porn at work, so the conversation I would have will probably be quite different than most of you. I think either way, it needs to be addressed. Otherwise you are just throwing the kid to the wolves and we should all remember that the wolves are a LOT more aggressive nowadays than they were when we were kids.
Click to expand...
Wait, what?
Click to expand...
Im guessing he doesnt work in the porn industry

 
Zow said:
Meh, I was in your son's exact position. When I was 13 the internet was just taking off and, being what I'd consider a normal 13 year old, I dove right in to the porn stuff and had no clue how to cover my tracks. Undoubtedly my Dad discovered it but he and my mom chose not to say anything. I remember him getting upset when the computer got a virus and, when he was cleaning it, the awkward moment when he accessed the cookies and there were tons with porn names. But, thankfully, he didn't acknowledge it outright.

And, hey, I've never had any girls issues and turned out fine. :shrug:
Click to expand...
OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO............. My son may turn out like Woz.. Where did I go wrong.

 
if the poor kid has asperger's, it might be a while before he can get any decent tail because of it. i'd let him watch all the porn he wants, but i dont have kids so take my advice lightly.

 
Scoresman said:
if the poor kid has asperger's, it might be a while before he can get any decent tail because of it. i'd let him watch all the porn he wants, but i dont have kids so take my advice lightly.
Click to expand...
He was diagnosed with that by a Psychiatrist sponsored by the school. I'm not totally buying it, but he does get special oversight at school which I consider a benefit.

 
Jayrod said:
Flogging.

But in all seriousness, with my kid, I'll be addressing that issue directly. Of course, I think porn is wrong and have actually lost a job due to looking at porn at work, so the conversation I would have will probably be quite different than most of you. I think either way, it needs to be addressed. Otherwise you are just throwing the kid to the wolves and we should all remember that the wolves are a LOT more aggressive nowadays than they were when we were kids.
Click to expand...
Haha you lost a job for looking at porn? Please explain how this went down.

 
Buy the kid some smut mags like we all had to use at his age. These kids are spoiled with porn these days!

 
honestly, I think you should teach him how to cover his tracks when he watches porn on the computer. additionally, tell him not to jerk off in a towel or another piece of clothing that his mother will wash (and potentially notice) and instead tell him to use tissues or papertowels in a pinch. perhaps also have a conversation that too much porn isn't a good thing as it very well might distort his expectations of real world relationships. finally, and this is borderline but you might want to direct him to some of the casting couch videos as I find those to be pretty good spank material.

 
Jayrok said:
Just have the sex talk with him and let him know you are available for any questions he may have or if he just wants to talk. It is natural for a boy to be curious and look at porn. I guess the question is, are you upset that he went to a porn site on the new computer and the wife may blame you? Or are you upset that he used the computer for things outside of what you told them to use if for?
Click to expand...
If he was watching porn produced in the last 10-15 years he knows everything already

 
Quez said:
Jayrod said:
Flogging.

But in all seriousness, with my kid, I'll be addressing that issue directly. Of course, I think porn is wrong and have actually lost a job due to looking at porn at work, so the conversation I would have will probably be quite different than most of you. I think either way, it needs to be addressed. Otherwise you are just throwing the kid to the wolves and we should all remember that the wolves are a LOT more aggressive nowadays than they were when we were kids.
Click to expand...
Haha you lost a job for looking at porn? Please explain how this went down.
Click to expand...
I would also like to hear this story.

 
porn and jerking off are completely normal parts of growing up and should not be demonized. i started at 13 too.

 
Jayrod said:
Flogging.

But in all seriousness, with my kid, I'll be addressing that issue directly. Of course, I think porn is wrong and have actually lost a job due to looking at porn at work, so the conversation I would have will probably be quite different than most of you. I think either way, it needs to be addressed. Otherwise you are just throwing the kid to the wolves and we should all remember that the wolves are a LOT more aggressive nowadays than they were when we were kids.
Click to expand...
Out with it guy. Let's go here. Friday's almost over!

 
Reegus said:
Quez said:
Jayrod said:
Flogging.

But in all seriousness, with my kid, I'll be addressing that issue directly. Of course, I think porn is wrong and have actually lost a job due to looking at porn at work, so the conversation I would have will probably be quite different than most of you. I think either way, it needs to be addressed. Otherwise you are just throwing the kid to the wolves and we should all remember that the wolves are a LOT more aggressive nowadays than they were when we were kids.
Click to expand...
Haha you lost a job for looking at porn? Please explain how this went down.
Click to expand...
I would also like to hear this story.
Click to expand...
:goodposting: :goodposting: :goodposting: :goodposting: :goodposting:

 
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