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How would you handle this? (2 Viewers)

How would you handle request for funds here?

  • Pay it and move on

    Votes: 105 76.1%

  • Don't go to party and stay quiet

    Votes: 10 7.2%

  • Pay it, but let them know it was obnoxious

    Votes: 15 10.9%

  • Don't go and let them know it was obnoxious

    Votes: 6 4.3%

  • Other

    Votes: 2 1.4%
  • Total voters
    138
fantasycurse42 said:
At the end of the day, some these people are powerful in their respective worlds and can provide a recommendation which will help my kids land a quality job in 18 years from now. I'm dying to say something in this situation, but after reflecting on the situation, it would prob be a bad move for the kids, so I need to just #### and bite my tongue. I am someone who rarely does this, but if it comes down to my kids, I just don't have a choice. I hate saying I'm not important enough, but this is just a situation where some people can provide some very helpful influence in the future.
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In all honesty, in my dealings with the financial well off, I have been most surprised with the lack of self confidence many of them posses. Could be a hyper bowl, but I've definitely noticed it. 

 
El Floppo said:
ding-dong

Hi! it's the FC family here to rock out!

give me $40.

ooh... oops! (patting pockets histrionically) forgot my wallet! I'll get you next time, ok? here's Jr's CV for the hubby- kid is a ####### math wizard- keeps the beat perfectly, legos.. a natural. pretty much potty trained too.
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God, I wish this was true... Although, he hasn't #### himself in about 10 days.

 
El Floppo said:
lol. I did say "pretty much" 
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Side note, we have a Mamaroo swing for our infant and my older one likes walking around the house naked. Lately when he is naked he walks over to the Mamaroo and bends over and farts on his little brother (he has been showing some resentment for the new baby the last 3 or 4 weeks) - I'm terrified he is going to shart on him at some point. I keep sending him to his room when he does this, but that isn't working, this is almost daily. 

 
Gotta be husband teaching the wife a lesson by making her grovel for the money to cover her obnoxious overspending on a kids party. Guys who make 5-large dont do this when it comes to things they actually care about.

 
Wouldn't you plan on bringing a gift or something anyway? Food, drinks? That probably would cost $20-$50 anyway, so I wouldn't be bothered if what I had to bring was cash or noncash.  Frankly, if next time I was invited over to a party, and I could get away with bringing cash rather than shopping for something to bring, I would be happy.

 
E-Z Glider said:
Gotta be husband teaching the wife a lesson by making her grovel for the money to cover her obnoxious overspending on a kids party. Guys who make 5-large dont do this when it comes to things they actually care about.
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I never thought about this, but not a bad hypothesis.

 
Chase Stuart said:
Wouldn't you plan on bringing a gift or something anyway? Food, drinks? That probably would cost $20-$50 anyway, so I wouldn't be bothered if what I had to bring was cash or noncash.  Frankly, if next time I was invited over to a party, and I could get away with bringing cash rather than shopping for something to bring, I would be happy.
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I guess we would've brought a fruit salad or some pastries or something... It is just the outright asking for cash, you don't think that is obnoxious?

 
fantasycurse42 said:
I never thought about this, but not a bad hypothesis.
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I agree.  It's either this or they had a conversation right after his wife sent out that email that started something like this:

"Wait, you emailed every family to pitch in $40?!?  JFC, what's the matter with you?"

Go pay the $40 with the smug satisfaction that the husband is fed up with his wife over this one way or another.  Heck, make sure to have a drink with him.

 
fantasycurse42 said:
I guess we would've brought a fruit salad or some pastries or something... It is just the outright asking for cash, you don't think that is obnoxious?
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It's unusual, but I wouldn't label it obnoxious.  Again, I would rather bring money than have to go shopping.  I recognize that society doesn't necessarily agree, but I'd much rather the host do all the work and I bring cash.  But that might make me an exception.  

Still, I couldn't imagine you would ever go to a children's party with your kid(s) and not bring something.  Cash, noncash, what's the diff?

 
Does the family have a hot daughter, about say 22 years old, who is into slightly overweight dudes who happen to be married? Report back and I'll check with my wife.

 
First thing you do when you arrive is bee-line straight to the people throwing the party and give them $40 and thank them for having the party. Last thing you do before you leave is quietly slip them a couple $100's. When they ask what the money is for tell them you assumed they are hurting for money because that party was so cheap there's no way they could have spent the $40 per family on it.

 
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Chase Stuart said:
It's unusual, but I wouldn't label it obnoxious.  Again, I would rather bring money than have to go shopping.  I recognize that society doesn't necessarily agree, but I'd much rather the host do all the work and I bring cash.  But that might make me an exception.  

Still, I couldn't imagine you would ever go to a children's party with your kid(s) and not bring something.  Cash, noncash, what's the diff?
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It just feels ridiculous asking for cash. I have no issue bringing something - there is a bakery and a nice market between their house and mine, that would've been the plan.

It is one of those unspoken rules that you can't show up empty-handed... Feels like they're rewriting the book and outlining rules, like bring cash. For people that are this rich, I think the outright asking for $40 is just so weak. Let everyone show up with pastries, fruits, wine, beer, etc - don't demand $40.

The women are all gossiping, I'm curious to here the other dads on this one. 

 
Chase Stuart said:
Wouldn't you plan on bringing a gift or something anyway? Food, drinks? That probably would cost $20-$50 anyway, so I wouldn't be bothered if what I had to bring was cash or noncash.  Frankly, if next time I was invited over to a party, and I could get away with bringing cash rather than shopping for something to bring, I would be happy.
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This.  A huge party for preschool graduation is stupid, but if you'd brought two bottles of wine or a decent bottle of scotch instead to thank the hosts, you'd be paying the same.  Let it go.

 
fantasycurse42 said:
It just feels ridiculous asking for cash. I have no issue bringing something - there is a bakery and a nice market between their house and mine, that would've been the plan.

It is one of those unspoken rules that you can't show up empty-handed... Feels like they're rewriting the book and outlining rules, like bring cash. For people that are this rich, I think the outright asking for $40 is just so weak. Let everyone show up with pastries, fruits, wine, beer, etc - don't demand $40.

The women are all gossiping, I'm curious to here the other dads on this one. 
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Then you just end up with a refrigerator full of crappy food you don't want to eat.  Or terrible booze.  Or whatever. 

Besides, you know these idiots are gluten-free, non-GMO, organic, vegan anyway.  Just give them $40 to buy soy cheese with instead.

 
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re: pre-school "grad" party... not sure what it's like elsewhere, but for 2-3 formative kid/parenting years you end up bonding pretty well with these people. here, the chances are good that the kids all go to different schools and kid/parents won't see eachother again. having gone through this twice now, it seems pretty normal here in NYC to have this kind of thing. not a "graduation" party as much as a "been nice knowing you" party.

 
fantasycurse42 said:
Side note, we have a Mamaroo swing for our infant and my older one likes walking around the house naked. Lately when he is naked he walks over to the Mamaroo and bends over and farts on his little brother (he has been showing some resentment for the new baby the last 3 or 4 weeks) - I'm terrified he is going to shart on him at some point. I keep sending him to his room when he does this, but that isn't working, this is almost daily. 
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Lol

 
El Floppo said:
re: pre-school "grad" party... not sure what it's like elsewhere, but for 2-3 formative kid/parenting years you end up bonding pretty well with these people. here, the chances are good that the kids all go to different schools and kid/parents won't see eachother again. having gone through this twice now, it seems pretty normal here in NYC to have this kind of thing. not a "graduation" party as much as a "been nice knowing you" party.
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This...Sammyinho is "graduating" this year as well and while the parents are having a party, you get to sign up for what to bring (paper plates for all...Yippee!!!!)....oh and we'll never see the other 14 families ever again even though we live within 10 blocks of all of them. 

 
Grace Under Pressure said:
Can you post the text of the email while protecting names, etc? 
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We're so excited for everyone to come over and celebrate the year our families all enjoyed together.  We really wanted to show the kids a good time and went a little overboard planning this party. There will be face painting, sing-alongs, and balloon animals along with some delicious food and drinks for parents!! We did go beyond what was anticipated for the budget and request that everyone bring $40 to help share in the cost. Looking forward to seeing everyone!

 
Sammy3469 said:
This...Sammyinho is "graduating" this year as well and while the parents are having a party, you get to sign up for what to bring (paper plates for all...Yippee!!!!)....oh and we'll never see the other 14 families ever again even though we live within 10 blocks of all of them. 
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IDK, there are a few families we got along really well with that we have some plans on the calendar for. We're going to a pool party at another couples beach house in July, another family invited us to a rooftop party their having in a couple weeks.

I'm sure you keep in touch with some of the families, no? 

 
fantasycurse42 said:
We're so excited for everyone to come over and celebrate the year our families all enjoyed together.  We really wanted to show the kids a good time and went a little overboard planning this party. There will be face painting, sing-alongs, and balloon animals along with some delicious food and drinks for parents!! We did go beyond what was anticipated for the budget and request that everyone bring $40 to help share in the cost. Looking forward to seeing everyone!
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Well yeah that is extremely classless and petty, regardless of their financial situation. The fact that they're mega-wealthy is almost beside the point. They look like high-level ####sticks imo.

 
McGarnicle said:
Well yeah that is extremely classless and petty, regardless of their financial situation. The fact that they're mega-wealthy is almost beside the point. They look like high-level ####sticks imo.
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Right? Like, WTF? The fact that they're super rich makes it even worse IMO.

 
fantasycurse42 said:
We're so excited for everyone to come over and celebrate the year our families all enjoyed together.  We really wanted to show the kids a good time and went a little overboard planning this party. There will be face painting, sing-alongs, and balloon animals along with some delicious food and drinks for parents!! We did go beyond what was anticipated for the budget and request that everyone bring $40 to help share in the cost. Looking forward to seeing everyone!
Click to expand...
Sounds like someone's angling for some partner-swapping.  Bring the $40, but hand it over with your house keys, IMO.  And a wink.

 
Any chance they're not as well off as you think they are? Wife's sister married a pediatric heart surgeon. He makes in the 1.5-2 million a year range. Hes divorced with two kids from the previous marriage, they have two houses, expensive cars etc, ton of bills. Theyre disposable income after all that isnt any higher than mine. We go out to dinner and im frequently picking up the bill.

 
fruity pebbles said:
Any chance they're not as well off as you think they are? Wife's sister married a pediatric heart surgeon. He makes in the 1.5-2 million a year range. Hes divorced with two kids from the previous marriage, they have two houses, expensive cars etc, ton of bills. Theyre disposable income after all that isnt any higher than mine. We go out to dinner and im frequently picking up the bill.
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No chance, they're ####### filthy loaded. Maybe I'm in a different camp than some, but this takes their request from annoying to super obnoxious. 

 
fantasycurse42 said:
We're so excited for everyone to come over and celebrate the year our families all enjoyed together.  We really wanted to show the kids a good time and went a little overboard planning this party. There will be face painting, sing-alongs, and balloon animals along with some delicious food and drinks for parents!! We did go beyond what was anticipated for the budget and request that everyone bring $40 to help share in the cost. Looking forward to seeing everyone!
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Tacky, imo. 

 
fantasycurse42 said:
Side note, we have a Mamaroo swing for our infant and my older one likes walking around the house naked. Lately when he is naked he walks over to the Mamaroo and bends over and farts on his little brother (he has been showing some resentment for the new baby the last 3 or 4 weeks) - I'm terrified he is going to shart on him at some point. I keep sending him to his room when he does this, but that isn't working, this is almost daily. 
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I would be proud to say that I taught him this, if it were only so.

 
fantasycurse42 said:
IDK, there are a few families we got along really well with that we have some plans on the calendar for. We're going to a pool party at another couples beach house in July, another family invited us to a rooftop party their having in a couple weeks.

I'm sure you keep in touch with some of the families, no? 
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I've found, you keep in touch with your children's friends that you like.  Once they start going to different schools in kindergarten, their friends all shuffle again. 

Some of our problem is the public school zoning lines are so narrow where we are that 3 public schools get kids from 10 blocks (and we're the only one in the northern most one), a couple of kids stay in the that private, a couple go to other privates, 2 are moving out of the city and another one got into citywide G&T.  Net-net his entire preschool class turned over both years. 

We're also in a sort of weird situation since we're an Oct B-day and it's either shell out another 45K or go to public K for a year before reassessing since the public K is better than private we're in. 

Oh and Inow too want to kill the DOE.  Let's take your elementary school and dump it next to the projects 16 blocks away for....diversity. 

 
Its a party for your kids.  You are better off than 99.999999% of people in the history of the world.  Go to the party, pay your $40 and enjoy your spoiled life.  The whole thing sounds like a bunch of people who would have been guillotined during the French Revolution.

 
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