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I was asked to take my niece into our home. UPDATE #59 (1 Viewer)

Sorry you have to go through this, very stressful.

If it's cool with your family take her in, it's best for her. If there is a small window where your brother is sober, let him know that your trying to help him out because he is apparently overwhelmed. If he comes at you, then as others have suggested punch him in the face.

 
Lutherman2112 said:
I have made a couple of references to my alcoholic brother. He can't keep away from the sauce, drinks to point of blacking out, and now he has turned violent. I learned Sunday that my niece was removed from the home. A teacher questioned her about bruises on her arm Friday morning, asked about the injury, and my niece reported her father (my brother) gave her the bruises. Upon further examination by the school nurse, more bruises were discovered. Niece was removed from the home.

The domestic abuse shelter was full, the child foster home didn't have the room, and the only place available with space was the Salvation Army homeless shelter. My niece has special needs. She was born with hydrocephalus, and as a result she has low (but functional IQ) and physical difficulties. While she is 18 (will be 19 next month), she has yet to graduate high school; school recommended another year of part time school. All of her course work is practical work like managing money, working, etc. I have since learned that one of her advisers took temporary custody over the weekend.

I was contacted by the school resource officer (policeman assigned to the school), and was asked flat out if we could take my niece into our house. It can't happen today, or tomorrow as the court would have to act, so I scheduled an appointment first thing tomorrow morning. We will have a family discussion tonight, including my son at college via Skype. The high school administrators know I am a teacher, and CPS know me and that I have worked for a non-profit child welfare organization. Furthermore, my niece named me as a family member with which she would feel safe.

My instinct is to take her in, without a second thought. However, I must think of my family. I was one of two brothers that signed the paperwork that forced him into a 28 day program. He has been through 2 other rehabs. My parents are enablers that only want to protect him (I have yet to speak to them about this situation). My mom's health is declining, and there is no way my niece would be permitted to stay with them. My other brother (the one that signed the order with me for 28 day rehab) and his wife work out of town from time to time, so that isn't a good fit. So right now it's me or some other institutional element.

I am worried about the violent turn my brother has taken, and I worry his drunk ### would stumble over and cause trouble. My daughter just started counseling for anxiety disorder (my daughter and the niece get along fine). So many things I just can't name it all.

Just looking for input or commiseration...totally heartbroken and don't know what to do.
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Wow I applaud your kind heartedness. I think you will take her in and I think you should. She's family and you have to kind of stick up for family. He's a train wreck and he might get violent with you, but maybe not. If he shows up drunk, call the cops. That's what they are for.

 
johnjohn said:
mr roboto said:
johnjohn said:
timschochet said:
I agree with those that say you should take her in. I wish you the very best of luck.

Beyond that I want to add that it's threads like these, and the quality of the responses (johnjohn excepted-just ignore him) that make me continue to love this forum. There are so many kind, good, and thoughtful people here.
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Tim, do you disagree with what I said or do you think it was just mean of me to say?
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You need to be banned. Rarely excellent, never contribute anything and post simply to troll.
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Excuse me, I replied to the question he asked with how i really felt. He didn't like my answer and instead of saying I dont agree with that or ignoring it he insults me, yet I am the one that needs to be banned ? Where is your logic?
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This is a community. The community is telling you you didn't conduct yourself properly in this context. Either get with community norms or be prepared to be reminded that you aren't. Which I suspect is all you really want anyway.

 
I'm with the take her in crowd, but I don't have any expertise here either.

Best of luck, hopefully the ending is better than the rest of the story.

 
I guess the only thing Id say is if you dont take her in, you will probably second guess and question yourself, possibly regret your decision moreso than if you take her in and have to deal with a new situation that could be difficult. As long as your immediate family also agrees the right thing to do is to take her in, that would definitely be best for her well being. Because of her medical history/developmental delays I would think its difficult to know how long she'd really be living under your roof, but considering her age, I'd lean towards less time than more. Maybe your brother gets rehabilitated and down the line she would feel comfortable living with him again? That's obviously the biggest shot in the dark. One thing I didnt see you mention is anything regarding your niece's mother. What is the story there? Why cant she live with her or why would she stay with your brother if thats why when he's an abusive alcoholic?

Either way, best wishes to you and your family.

 
My niece (MsS) has decided to live with my brother (uncle). I was her first choice, the uncle her second. The determining factor was the uncle has a spare bedroom, MsS would have to share with our daughter. However, I will be lending a hand whenever I can. And there's lots to help with.

MsS is 19, and as an adult, her choice was not to go back home. Furthermore, she has opted to put off graduation until next year; she's eligible until 21. Her biggest goal is to get out on her own, most likely in a group home setting. She is already working part-time via supportive employment, so this would not be enough to meet her bills. We must start the process for SSI and Medicaid.

CPS is conducting an investigation, as I have 14 year old niece living in the same house; MsS's sister.

Just found out from the uncle that our brother was arrested two hours ago. He did not know the charges.

 
Lutherman2112 said:
My niece (MsS) has decided to live with my brother (uncle). I was her first choice, the uncle her second. The determining factor was the uncle has a spare bedroom, MsS would have to share with our daughter. However, I will be lending a hand whenever I can. And there's lots to help with.

MsS is 19, and as an adult, her choice was not to go back home. Furthermore, she has opted to put off graduation until next year; she's eligible until 21. Her biggest goal is to get out on her own, most likely in a group home setting. She is already working part-time via supportive employment, so this would not be enough to meet her bills. We must start the process for SSI and Medicaid.

CPS is conducting an investigation, as I have 14 year old niece living in the same house; MsS's sister.

Just found out from the uncle that our brother was arrested two hours ago. He did not know the charges.
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Glad it worked out. The extra bedroom will be huge for MsS. She will have her own space when she needs. Kudos to your daughter, who would have shared her room with MsS... Best wishes, Lutherman!

Sorry I don't have a youtube song link to capture the moment...

 
Take advantage of all the services CPS will offer. I'm going to guess the 14 yo will need some TLC.

T&P

 
Glad it's going to work out for your niece, and hoping your brother gets the help he needs.

 
Other than your brother, it seems like things will work out. I am sure there will be bumps in the road, so good luck to you and your family going forward.

 
Just curious if I understood your update, so your brother now has 2 of your idiot brother's kids in his care?

Here's hoping your parents open their eyes and join in with you and your sensible brother and help the situation instead of hindering it. I think I have a harder time with the enablers than I do with the offenders sometimes.

But good on you and your brother for stepping up and helping your niece. :thumbup: GL.

 
Billy Bats said:
Just curious if I understood your update, so your brother now has 2 of your idiot brother's kids in his care?

Here's hoping your parents open their eyes and join in with you and your sensible brother and help the situation instead of hindering it. I think I have a harder time with the enablers than I do with the offenders sometimes.

But good on you and your brother for stepping up and helping your niece. :thumbup: GL.
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Just the one, MsS. I haven't heard word on the CPS investigation, the the younger sister is still in the home with the idiot brother.

 
chet said:
Maybe I missed it, but where is MsS's mother?
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Shift work nurse, working midnights at the time of the assault. Not to make excuses, but she is dealing with her mother just getting into a nursing home and her father is just months away from a nursing home as well.

This is most likely the straw that broke the camel's back. She has put up with my idiot brother for too long. I have yet to speak with her...left message on her cell phone.

 
Best of you luck to you and your family, Lutherman. I'm glad there's a quick solution to get your neice out of there and I hope you guys are able to figure something out together to make it optimal for her.

Not trying to excuse his crap behavior, but is there somethign going on with your brother above and beyond the drinking? Do you think there might have been some kind of catalyst (in his life, not reactive to the daughter) for the aggressive behavior towards his daughter, or do you think it's been building "normally" towards this?

 
God bless you, your brother and your families for stepping up. I've been fortunate not to experience that level of dysfunction in either my or my wife's families. If I ever do, I hope to respond like you and your brother.

 
El Floppo said:
Best of you luck to you and your family, Lutherman. I'm glad there's a quick solution to get your neice out of there and I hope you guys are able to figure something out together to make it optimal for her.

Not trying to excuse his crap behavior, but is there somethign going on with your brother above and beyond the drinking? Do you think there might have been some kind of catalyst (in his life, not reactive to the daughter) for the aggressive behavior towards his daughter, or do you think it's been building "normally" towards this?
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He's had a long run with depression. He has had opportunity after opportunity for counseling, rehab, etc, but instead of being open to healing, he does what he can to fool everyone into thinking he is ok. He definitely wasn't fooling my brother (the uncle) and me.

 
Lutherman2112 said:
El Floppo said:
Best of you luck to you and your family, Lutherman. I'm glad there's a quick solution to get your neice out of there and I hope you guys are able to figure something out together to make it optimal for her.

Not trying to excuse his crap behavior, but is there somethign going on with your brother above and beyond the drinking? Do you think there might have been some kind of catalyst (in his life, not reactive to the daughter) for the aggressive behavior towards his daughter, or do you think it's been building "normally" towards this?
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He's had a long run with depression. He has had opportunity after opportunity for counseling, rehab, etc, but instead of being open to healing, he does what he can to fool everyone into thinking he is ok. He definitely wasn't fooling my brother (the uncle) and me.
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Ugh. History of depression combined with alcoholism. Does he do anything to deal with the depression (aside from drinking)... therapy, pills, etc?

 
Lutherman2112 said:
Billy Bats said:
Just curious if I understood your update, so your brother now has 2 of your idiot brother's kids in his care?

Here's hoping your parents open their eyes and join in with you and your sensible brother and help the situation instead of hindering it. I think I have a harder time with the enablers than I do with the offenders sometimes.

But good on you and your brother for stepping up and helping your niece. :thumbup: GL.
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Just the one, MsS. I haven't heard word on the CPS investigation, the the younger sister is still in the home with the idiot brother.
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Oh man, any thoughts of taking her out of there?? I would be more concerned about her now considering the older sister has left. I probably would've already packed her things to go, but I'm sure there's legal issues involved. Hope she's ok.

 
Billy Bats said:
Lutherman2112 said:
Billy Bats said:
Just curious if I understood your update, so your brother now has 2 of your idiot brother's kids in his care?

Here's hoping your parents open their eyes and join in with you and your sensible brother and help the situation instead of hindering it. I think I have a harder time with the enablers than I do with the offenders sometimes.

But good on you and your brother for stepping up and helping your niece. :thumbup: GL.
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Just the one, MsS. I haven't heard word on the CPS investigation, the the younger sister is still in the home with the idiot brother.
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Oh man, any thoughts of taking her out of there?? I would be more concerned about her now considering the older sister has left. I probably would've already packed her things to go, but I'm sure there's legal issues involved. Hope she's ok.
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We hope hope the younger sister is ok as well; we are open to taking her as well, if the CPS investigation warrants her removal from the home.

 
Hey lutherman, glad the situation worked out. Glad you are giving a helping hand to this girl that deserves help. Sorry if I was a little hard on you before, I let my passion sometimes get the best of me, and I work on that constantly

 
My 14 year old niece (MsG) was removed from the house today. Before school was dismissed, she was called to the office and escorted out of the school by plain clothed officers.

We have no idea where she was taken.

 
lutherman good on you and your good brother for everything you are doing and i hope it works out keep on being awesome take that to the bank

 
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