Is it wrong to deal with loss/tragedy by using humor? (1 Viewer)

[Scoresman]

The recent locking of the sub thread had me thinking about this again. I tend to deal with loss and tragedy by using humor. I firmly believe in laughter being the best medicine. Is this wrong or offensive somehow?

Now, a caveat here. Some tact is obviously necessary with this approach. I'm not talking about humor that is in any way directly targeted or at the expense of the victims. There were some gross posts in the sub thread and I'm not talking about stuff like that. I don't go to funerals roasting the deceased, but I will share funny stories or anecdotes that involve the deceased and this is what I would want people doing at my funeral. If you hear people laughing at funny stories at a funeral, do you get offended?

It seems at least here, any kind of humor in a thread that deals with a loss or a tragedy, even if not directed at the victims of said tragedies/losses, is completely frowned upon. I've had posts removed in previous threads that I thought were ok and were not making fun of the victims in any sense, but turned out not to be ok. That's fine. It's a fine line for sure and I'm not complaining about it. I just wonder if that's a quirk of the board here or if my way of dealing with tragedy is somehow out of line.

 

[AAABatteries]

In the FFA, it at times seems like it. In real life, I'd like to think no.

 

[Desert_Power]

My favorite take.

 

[beer 30]

I dabble in dark humor during these moments. Sometimes it works, sometimes you wish you could put the toothpaste back in the tube. Depends on the crowd. Best advice is to just shut up.

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

I have a very dark and subversive sense of humor.

It’s how I cope with tragedy and sadness.

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

The recent locking of the sub thread had me thinking about this again. I tend to deal with loss and tragedy by using humor. I firmly believe in laughter being the best medicine. Is this wrong or offensive somehow?

Now, a caveat here. Some tact is obviously necessary with this approach. I'm not talking about humor that is in any way directly targeted or at the expense of the victims. There were some gross posts in the sub thread and I'm not talking about stuff like that. I don't go to funerals roasting the deceased, but I will share funny stories or anecdotes that involve the deceased and this is what I would want people doing at my funeral. If you hear people laughing at funny stories at a funeral, do you get offended?

It seems at least here, any kind of humor in a thread that deals with a loss or a tragedy, even if not directed at the victims of said tragedies/losses, is completely frowned upon. I've had posts removed in previous threads that I thought were ok and were not making fun of the victims in any sense, but turned out not to be ok. That's fine. It's a fine line for sure and I'm not complaining about it. I just wonder if that's a quirk of the board here or if my way of dealing with tragedy is somehow out of line.

I’m with you. If I cared enough to fight it I would argue that our way of coping and dealing with tragedy is how we cope and it’s just as important for us.

 

[IvanKaramazov]

I actually thought the FFA thread on this was fine, but I probably missed some posts that got deleted.

Other social media platforms featured a lot of really sick people. There have always been grave-dancers among us, but it seems to be getting much worse recently.

 

[The Duff Man]

I am personally Ok with dark humour in these situations but wouldn’t put it out publicly as it is obvious that some are not.

Amongst friends that I know are similar…absolutely.

On a different note, I am not OK with tax dollars going to fund these rescue efforts and hope the families or company are paying. Too many people struggling with real problems to spend our money on billionaire risk takers who need a bail out when things go wrong.

 

[dickey moe]

There were comments offering somewhat morbid perspectives (maybe mine was one of them), but I didn't see anything that seemed out of line, at least compared to some other threads that have persisted in here. Obviously it's a tragic situation for all involved.

At the end of the day, we don't own this particular rodeo...

 

[Ridgeback]

Also, perspective is needed. What we're calling a tragedy in the media is nothing compared to the suffering and or killing of thousands of people around the world daily that we never hear about.

 

[Scoresman]

There were comments offering somewhat morbid perspectives (maybe mine was one of them), but I didn't see anything that seemed out of line, at least compared to some other threads that have persisted in here. Obviously it's a tragic situation for all involved.

At the end of the day, we don't own this particular rodeo...

I didn’t mean for this thread to question the moderation.

I understand they don’t have the time or desire to watch a thread like that as intently as it probably needed. That’s fine.

 

[General Malaise]

There were comments offering somewhat morbid perspectives (maybe mine was one of them), but I didn't see anything that seemed out of line, at least compared to some other threads that have persisted in here. Obviously it's a tragic situation for all involved.

At the end of the day, we don't own this particular rodeo...

I made a joke about scientists naming new species of ocean life. In retrospect, I should have saved it for another day or kept it to myself. Some of the species of fish in that interactive map were interesting to learn about so I enjoyed the link.

 

[dickey moe]

There were comments offering somewhat morbid perspectives (maybe mine was one of them), but I didn't see anything that seemed out of line, at least compared to some other threads that have persisted in here. Obviously it's a tragic situation for all involved.

At the end of the day, we don't own this particular rodeo...

I made a joke about scientists naming new species of ocean life. In retrospect, I should have saved it for another day or kept it to myself. Some of the species of fish in that interactive map were interesting to learn about so I enjoyed the link.

I liked that myself.

 

[dickey moe]

There were comments offering somewhat morbid perspectives (maybe mine was one of them), but I didn't see anything that seemed out of line, at least compared to some other threads that have persisted in here. Obviously it's a tragic situation for all involved.

At the end of the day, we don't own this particular rodeo...

I didn’t mean for this thread to question the moderation.

I understand they don’t have the time or desire to watch a thread like that as intently as it probably needed. That’s fine.

Fair enough.

 

[Leroy Hoard]

It's always a thin line in these situations. I had a couple of reversed airplane things lined up but thought better of posting them.

 

[Drunken knight]

it can be fine, but you have to know your audience and environment

 

[Keerock]

it's fine, but you have to know your audience and environment

This

 

[Chadstroma]

Personally, I am not a fan. However, I know and understand that those who deal with the extremes of drama that life has such as first responders and military often do have a dark sense of humor as a way to deal with the emotional trauma that is inflicted on them.

The thing that I find distasteful about a lot of comments regarding this event is the motive behind much of it which amounts to classism. In as much as because these individuals were well off financially then they don't deserve any respect of their lives. I find that as disgusting as if someone thought the same of a homeless person that was hit by a car and killed and they found it to not be something worthy of empathy because the person was homeless.

The neatest I get to this is when someone does something or makes decisions that are clearly wrong and then ends up losing their life such as a criminal that is killed trying to rob someone. Or another example, but less so as many have no choice, Russian troops that are killed in the current war. Even in cases like this, I lament the waste of life that has happened- whether a criminal throwing their lives away harming others or Putin wasting so much life out of an effort to inflate his ego.

 

[Charlie Steiner]

Two of my favorite examples of humor in the face of tragedy come from Mad Men. First, when Don's secretary, Miss Blankenship, passes away. Her death isn't made fun of as much as how the staff handle it. (I can't seem to get the link function to work correctly, so here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbg-12IFe4U)
The second one comes in the episode that takes place around Martin Luther King's death. On the day after they have a meeting with a customer who is just a complete whack job (link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qfjfvp9MnYc). In both cases, the actual tragedy wasn't made fun of, but some of the broader humor of the series came in these moments.

 

[PIK95]

I agree. Laughter is the best medicine.

 

[Dr. Octopus]

I actually thought the FFA thread on this was fine, but I probably missed some posts that got deleted.

There was one post that mentioned “not to be macabre but eliminating one person stretches the air supply” - which I don’t think was meant in any disturbing way was the only thing I saw that could possibly fit what Joe called out.
It was an odd closure for sure imo, but I don’t pay for the electricity.

 

[tri-man 47]

The recent locking of the sub thread had me thinking about this again. I tend to deal with loss and tragedy by using humor. I firmly believe in laughter being the best medicine. Is this wrong or offensive somehow?

Now, a caveat here. Some tact is obviously necessary with this approach. I'm not talking about humor that is in any way directly targeted or at the expense of the victims. There were some gross posts in the sub thread and I'm not talking about stuff like that. I don't go to funerals roasting the deceased, but I will share funny stories or anecdotes that involve the deceased and this is what I would want people doing at my funeral. If you hear people laughing at funny stories at a funeral, do you get offended?

It seems at least here, any kind of humor in a thread that deals with a loss or a tragedy, even if not directed at the victims of said tragedies/losses, is completely frowned upon. I've had posts removed in previous threads that I thought were ok and were not making fun of the victims in any sense, but turned out not to be ok. That's fine. It's a fine line for sure and I'm not complaining about it. I just wonder if that's a quirk of the board here or if my way of dealing with tragedy is somehow out of line.

Loosely tied to your point here: When I go to the wake for someone I don't know, such as the deceased family member of a friend or work colleague, I typically ask the friend, "I didn't have the chance to know X. What was a habit or hobby of theirs that comes to mind?" This lets the friend paint a quick picture of some aspect about the deceased. And ...sometimes those are humorous memories that, in the retelling, bring smiles. Again, this isn't really the point you're raising here, but I thought I'd share.

 

[fruity pebbles]

I actually thought the FFA thread on this was fine, but I probably missed some posts that got deleted.

There was one post that mentioned “not to be macabre but eliminating one person stretches the air supply” - which I don’t think was meant in any disturbing way was the only thing I saw that could possibly fit what Joe called out.
It was an odd closure for sure imo, but I don’t pay for the electricity.

Thought the same. I didn’t see a single post directed distastefully at those lost in the sub. But like you said, not my board. Maybe a thread about the weather would be nice.

 

[Snoopy]

Reminds me of the space shuttle explosion in 1986. A lot of jokes were made in light of it.

 

[Dezbelief]

I actually thought the FFA thread on this was fine, but I probably missed some posts that got deleted.

There was one post that mentioned “not to be macabre but eliminating one person stretches the air supply” - which I don’t think was meant in any disturbing way was the only thing I saw that could possibly fit what Joe called out.
It was an odd closure for sure imo, but I don’t pay for the electricity.

I'm sure there were probably replies going further down the rabbit hole.

 

[JohnnyU]

Why was the Josh Gates interview thread deleted? It was very informative regarding this submarine. He decided not to use this submarine for an expedition to Titanic for his show Expedition Unknown. Very professional.

 

[Gally]

It seems at least here, any kind of humor in a thread that deals with a loss or a tragedy, even if not directed at the victims of said tragedies/losses, is completely frowned upon.

I think any kind of humor is currently trying to find it's footing in today's world. Too many people get offended too easily over almost anything that humor is losing. It's easier not to say anything than run the risk of offending someone and being labeled x, y or z because you said a joke.

Personally, I think the world would be a much better place if people could just laugh at themselves and lean into things instead of being offended by everything or feel like a joke is disrespecting them. Laugh and laugh more. It helps diffuse a lot of situations and would make this world a much better place.

 

[Joe Bryant]

I actually thought the FFA thread on this was fine, but I probably missed some posts that got deleted.

Other social media platforms featured a lot of really sick people. There have always been grave-dancers among us, but it seems to be getting much worse recently.

I feel like I know you GB and there were a LOT of gross posts deleted you would not be fine with.

 

[Joe Bryant]

Why was the Josh Gates interview thread deleted? It was very informative regarding this submarine. He decided not to use this submarine for an expedition to Titanic for his show Expedition Unknown. Very professional.

Because we've tried twice already here and it was headed toward turning into a gross mocking "got what he deserved" thread like the other 2 did. And the mods didn't have time to delete a bunch more posts.

There are plenty of places online for people to make jokes about people who died. Don't do it here.

 

[Joe Bryant]

I actually thought the FFA thread on this was fine, but I probably missed some posts that got deleted.

There was one post that mentioned “not to be macabre but eliminating one person stretches the air supply” - which I don’t think was meant in any disturbing way was the only thing I saw that could possibly fit what Joe called out.
It was an odd closure for sure imo, but I don’t pay for the electricity.

Thought the same. I didn’t see a single post directed distastefully at those lost in the sub. But like you said, not my board. Maybe a thread about the weather would be nice.

Again, you don't see what gets deleted.

 

[Joe Bryant]

Loosely tied to your point here: When I go to the wake for someone I don't know, such as the deceased family member of a friend or work colleague, I typically ask the friend, "I didn't have the chance to know X. What was a habit or hobby of theirs that comes to mind?" This lets the friend paint a quick picture of some aspect about the deceased. And ...sometimes those are humorous memories that, in the retelling, bring smiles. Again, this isn't really the point you're raising here, but I thought I'd share.

Of course. But that's radically different from mocking the deaths or making light of them or the "he got what he deserved" posts that were deleted. Not in the same universe as recounting a fun story at a wake.

 

[JohnnyU]

Why was the Josh Gates interview thread deleted? It was very informative regarding this submarine. He decided not to use this submarine for an expedition to Titanic for his show Expedition Unknown. Very professional.

Because we've tried twice already here and it was headed toward turning into a gross mocking "got what he deserved" thread like the other 2 did. And the mods didn't have time to delete a bunch more posts.

There are plenty of places online for people to make jokes about people who died. Don't do it here.

There wasn't anything unprofessional or funny in that interview. He is very knowledgeable on the submarine and had considered using it for an expedition to Titanic for his show but decided against it. He goes into detail why he decided not to use it and went into detail about the construction of the sub. I don't understand why it was deleted, unless you thought someone would also turn that thread into a bunch of jokes. It's the best interview on the internet regarding that sub.

 

[Joe Bryant]

There wasn't anything unprofessional or funny in that interview. He is very knowledgeable on the submarine and had considered using it for an expedition to Titanic for his show but decided against it. He goes into detail why he decided not to use it and went into detail about the construction of the sub. I don't understand why it was deleted, unless you thought someone would also turn that thread into a bunch of jokes. It's the best interview on the internet regarding that sub.

Your post wasn't the problem. It's the posts after. We proved in two consecutive threads this forum wasn't capable of discussing it. Zero interest or time to try it a 3rd time.

 

[Long Ball Larry]

I agree. Laughter is the best medicine.

it's good, but i think MEDICINE is the best medicine.

 

[JohnnyU]

There wasn't anything unprofessional or funny in that interview. He is very knowledgeable on the submarine and had considered using it for an expedition to Titanic for his show but decided against it. He goes into detail why he decided not to use it and went into detail about the construction of the sub. I don't understand why it was deleted, unless you thought someone would also turn that thread into a bunch of jokes. It's the best interview on the internet regarding that sub.

Your post wasn't the problem. It's the posts after. We proved in two consecutive threads this forum wasn't capable of discussing it. Zero interest or time to try it a 3rd time.

Damn shame we can't have nice things around here without people turning it into a ****show.

 

[Nugget]

I’ve never tried to tell someone else how they should grieve.

 

[Joe Bryant]

I’ve never tried to tell someone else how they should grieve.

Me neither.

And to be clear, that's miles different than not allowing "he got what he deserved" posts when a 19-year-old son and his father and three other people appear to have died.

 

[The Commish]

Its not any more right/wrong than dealing with grief through sadness. Itd be disappointing to suggest otherwise.

 

[Nugget]

I’ve never tried to tell someone else how they should grieve.

Me neither.

And to be clear, that's miles different than not allowing "he got what he deserved" posts when a 19-year-old son and his father and three other people appear to have died.

Absolutely. Good call on killing the threads if that was the direction they were headed.

 

[identikit]

I actually thought the FFA thread on this was fine, but I probably missed some posts that got deleted.

There was one post that mentioned “not to be macabre but eliminating one person stretches the air supply” - which I don’t think was meant in any disturbing way was the only thing I saw that could possibly fit what Joe called out.
It was an odd closure for sure imo, but I don’t pay for the electricity.

Thought the same. I didn’t see a single post directed distastefully at those lost in the sub. But like you said, not my board. Maybe a thread about the weather would be nice.

The first closed thread about the sub was much worse than the second one

imo

 

[Ridgeback]

There wasn't anything unprofessional or funny in that interview. He is very knowledgeable on the submarine and had considered using it for an expedition to Titanic for his show but decided against it. He goes into detail why he decided not to use it and went into detail about the construction of the sub. I don't understand why it was deleted, unless you thought someone would also turn that thread into a bunch of jokes. It's the best interview on the internet regarding that sub.

Your post wasn't the problem. It's the posts after. We proved in two consecutive threads this forum wasn't capable of discussing it. Zero interest or time to try it a 3rd time.

Damn shame we can't have nice things around here without people turning it into a ****show.

It's what happens when people get offended so easily, or we're afraid people will get offended. This is just one example...

 

[ghostguy123]

Just because you offend someone doesn't mean you did anything offensive.
Also, who's grieving? Did anyone here know any of these people?
That said, not all humor is the same. If it's only funny to you then it's not funny.

 

[ghostguy123]

But to answer the OP, yeah, humor is a huge positive when actually grieving. It's not for everyone though.

 

[zamboni]

I actually thought the FFA thread on this was fine, but I probably missed some posts that got deleted.

There was one post that mentioned “not to be macabre but eliminating one person stretches the air supply” - which I don’t think was meant in any disturbing way was the only thing I saw that could possibly fit what Joe called out.
It was an odd closure for sure imo, but I don’t pay for the electricity.

Thought the same. I didn’t see a single post directed distastefully at those lost in the sub. But like you said, not my board. Maybe a thread about the weather would be nice.

The first closed thread about the sub was much worse than the second one

imo

I thought the same when reading both of them, but as Joe said, there may have been deleted posts in the second one I didn’t see.

 

[ChicoCat]

Laughing with is acceptable. I think that's part of a healing process. Laughing at isn't.

I guess I don't see how telling the submarine version of a "Christa McAullife" joke can be classified as anything other than "laughing at".

 

[JohnnyU]

You guys go watch the Josh Gates interview on this sub and his experience with it. It’s the best interview on the internet on this subject.

 

[Desert_Power]

You guys go watch the Josh Gates interview on this sub and his experience with it. It’s the best interview on the internet on this subject.

Good one with James Cameron out there too

 

[nightmare]

Not on a public message board. You have no idea who is reading this.

 

[HellToupee]

Interesting story breaking now about how the Navy heard the implosion on a system used for detecting enemy submarines

 

[Hoh]

If you’re posting jokes on a public message board are you really coping? Or just looking for attention.