I've never farted in front of my girlfriend...2.5 years (1 Viewer)

[sdp1226]

Stop being a ninny, pick your nose and fart in front of her tonight.

You should just go home and be like; "sweetie, for the last half decade I have been holding in farts, I can't do it anymore... Do you mind?"

She'll prob get a good laugh and now you'll be able to act like a normal functioning man again.

Disagree, don't ask permission. TELL her to Pull your finger.

 

[fantasycurse42]

Stop being a ninny, pick your nose and fart in front of her tonight.

You should just go home and be like; "sweetie, for the last half decade I have been holding in farts, I can't do it anymore... Do you mind?"

She'll prob get a good laugh and now you'll be able to act like a normal functioning man again.

Disagree, don't ask permission. TELL her to Pull your finger.

I think the asking angle puts a humorous spin on it... I bet she says "oh god yes" then blasts a stinker and proceeds to tell him to go right ahead.

 

[Tom Servo]

Stop being a ninny, pick your nose and fart in front of her tonight.

You should just go home and be like; "sweetie, for the last half decade I have been holding in farts, I can't do it anymore... Do you mind?"

She'll prob get a good laugh and now you'll be able to act like a normal functioning man again.

Disagree, don't ask permission. TELL her to Pull your finger.

And have the lighter at the ready...

 

[Gianni Verscotchie]

 

[Otis]

Married over two years, still haven't ripped one in front of my wife.

I didn't land her by farting in front of her a lot. I don't think the ol' switcheroo is very fair.

Speaking of switcheroos, how much did you both weigh when you two met? And how much do you both weigh now?

BOOM!

owned

Wife weighs the same within 5lbs either way.

 

[Otis]

Do you pick your nose in front of her?

NO. you animal

I pick my nose and fling it at her. We both laugh

Sounds like a hoot.

 

[Bucky86]

Good lord. I farted in front of gf in the first 6 months. No way I could sleep in the same bed for years, after eating something that made me gassy, and not rip a good one. I wouldn't be able to fall asleep if I didnt.

 

[Gianni Verscotchie]

Good lord. I farted in front of gf in the first 6 months. No way I could sleep in the same bed for years, after eating something that made me gassy, and not rip a good one. I wouldn't be able to fall asleep if I didnt.

Maybe you farted in the elevator too and angered the Puerto Rican guy.

 

[fred_1_15301]

Do you pick your nose in front of her?

NO. you animal

I pick my nose and fling it at her. We both laugh

Sounds like a hoot.

Leads to a happy and healthy marriage.

 

[xulf]

This is all lies. I am 100% certain everyone has let one rip while asleep. Silly not to be comfartable enough with your wife to rid yourself of the pressure.

 

[SWC]

brohan my offer stands you bring her up here to the big whiskey and i will fart on her for you take that to the bank brohan

 

[Gadzooks]

Update?

 

[offdee]

And you slobs wonder why they have no interest in bj's and secks with you.

 

[Tom Servo]

And you slobs wonder why they have no interest in bj's and secks with you.

Sez the guy who freeze-dries his jeans.

 

[Gianni Verscotchie]

Still going strong. Not much too report other than a close call tying my shoes after eating some sauteed spinach around Christmas.

 

[captain_amazing]

My favorite is to light them up in bed at night. In the morning it's like someone lit Fresh Kills on fire. My wife practically falls out of bed.

She still loves me, she says.

 

[TheAristocrat]

And you slobs wonder why they have no interest in bj's and secks with you.

Sez the guy who freeze-dries his jeans.

Do what now?

 

[the moops]

And you slobs wonder why they have no interest in bj's and secks with you.

Mostly because everyone got fat, not because they farted

 

[Tom Servo]

And you slobs wonder why they have no interest in bj's and secks with you.

Sez the guy who freeze-dries his jeans.

Do what now?

There was a thread about jeans a couple of years back. It discussed how many times you wear them between washings and whatnot. Offdee pipes up and says he never washes his jeans and that he puts them in the freezer to clean them.But yeah, it's strange.

 

[urbanhack]

And you slobs wonder why they have no interest in bj's and secks with you.

Have fun with your sterile, artificial life.

 

[flapgreen]

And you slobs wonder why they have no interest in bj's and secks with you.

Sez the guy who freeze-dries his jeans.

No ####

 

[TheAristocrat]

 

[CletiusMaximus]

Neko nails it. https://twitter.com/nekocase/status/601595933793607680

 

[Bucky86]

Do you have a dog? If not, get one, and start ripping SBD's around her when the dog is nearby. Judge her reaction. If she laughs, you can start ripping them freely. God speed, you weird fellow.

 

[urbanhack]

I ripped off about 10 of them in bed this morning.

 

[Gianni Verscotchie]

Well, it was a good run, but the streak ended this morning, Friday, July 3, 2015 at 7:00am

My fatal mistake was to eat a massive pile of grapes last night before bed. Grapes in excess always make me gassy.

Her alarm went off, and I, half asleep, unleashed the Kraken as she was turning her alarm off. I pretended to be in sound sleep, even throwing in some fake snores, but I knew, at that moment, the streak was over. This thread was the first thing that popped into my head.

She got up immediately, but I waited 10 minutes in bed, soaking in the finality of the moment.

Then got up and said good morning..she made no mention of the incident and neither did I.

6.5 years was a valiant effort, but I can't help but feel empty inside.

I'd like to thank those of you who supported me throughout this journey.

And so begins attempt #2

 

[Peyton Marino]

I can't help but feel empty inside.

lol

 

[xulf]

Now that the streak is over, just let 'em rip. You deserve it, you brave, brave man. Some may even call you a hero.

 

[Tom Servo]

There's no streak #2; its gone like your virginity.

 

[General Tso]

Congrats dude. Incredible run. Best I ever managed was a few months. I once got called out for farting while talking to a girl on the phone. How on earth she heard it is a mystery to me to this day, and she caught me so off guard that I stammered badly in my denials. She knew.

Let us know if you come home to a packed bag tonight.

 

[Das Boot]

Well that stinks.

 

[TheAristocrat]

Now you need to find what distance you are allowed to fart and maintain eye contact. I'd start at about 50 feet and slowly move in.