Looking at your devices while watching TV with significant other (1 Viewer)

[JohnnyU]

My wife wants me to watch a show on TV with her, but then has her nose in her IPAD during the show. That irritates me. Do you do this when you’re supposed to be watching a show with someone? Or do both of you do it? Does it irritate you when someone does this, or is it something that should be ignored? I’m not saying I never do it, because I will glance at the score of Sunday night football, or Monday night football, but to me that isn’t as bad as perusing vacation rentals, but maybe it is and I don’t have room to complain.

 

[arrow1]

yes

 

[John123]

Used to have this issue with the SO. I purposely don't do it but she loves to. So I just told her I'd just go in my office and watch by myself if she's gonna do that. She's since cut it out.

 

[Don Quixote]

Case by case basis, but I think mostly ignore. Of course, if it’s followed by Oh, can you rewind it? I missed what just happened, then it’s a peeve.

 

[FarFromHome]

This is the norm in our household. My favorite is having to pause what I'm watching to take the time to explain to her what's happening. I don't mind though our marriage is built on my lectures. Ha ha

 

[JohnnyU]

yes

Why? Is it an addiction thing?

 

[JohnnyU]

How often do you look at your phone while eating out at a restaurant? That’s a big taboo for my wife and I and we don’t do it, unless it’s something both of us wants to look up.

 

[ChiefD]

I don't do that but then again we don't watch shows together. She knows by now I'm not interested in what she watches so she doesn't bother asking.

We did watch Ted Lasso together. All devices were down.

 

[Yambag]

We consider our nighttime tv watching as our time together without phones. Occasionally something comes up with the wife's job, but if it needs attention, we pause and she takes care of it. We try really hard to stick by this philosophy and it seems to work well.

 

[ChiefD]

How often do you look at your phone while eating out at a restaurant? That’s a big taboo for my wife and I and we don’t do it, unless it’s something both of us wants to look up.

Never.

 

[JohnnyU]

How often do you look at your phone while eating out at a restaurant? That’s a big taboo for my wife and I and we don’t do it, unless it’s something both of us wants to look up.

Never.

That’s the way it should be. If you look around at others at the restaurant, there are lots of people looking at their phone.

 

[BLOCKED_PUNT]

johnny, how did you know what my wife does when we watch tv?

 

[JohnnyU]

We consider our nighttime tv watching as our time together without phones. Occasionally something comes up with the wife's job, but if it needs attention, we pause and she takes care of it. We try really hard to stick by this philosophy and it seems to work well.

Good for you on that.

 

[JohnnyU]

johnny, how did you know what my wife does when we watch tv?

 

[-OZ-]

My wife will respond to people while we’re walking the dog. A quick response doesn’t bother me. If half a mile later she’s still typing, I’ll say something.

 

[NutterButter]

depends on the show. restaurant occasionally but there's usually enough for me to focus on. neither of us our big conversationalists and we go out a couple of times a week to the same 5 or 6 places so there are times where its just one of those nights. if a situation like that arises, I don't mind if she does it. I know i'm not that interesting.

 

[arrow1]

How often do you look at your phone while eating out at a restaurant? That’s a big taboo for my wife and I and we don’t do it, unless it’s something both of us wants to look up.

almost never, and yes it's annoying to look while watching tv

 

[JohnnyU]

My wife will respond to people while we’re walking the dog. A quick response doesn’t bother me. If half a mile later she’s still typing, I’ll say something.

Texting and walking is dangerous. I get it though. You’re supposed to be enjoying each other’s company and not focus on other things.

 

[IvanKaramazov]

My wife does this too, and it is incredibly annoying. She will sometimes let something with audio play - no headphones of course.

 

[-OZ-]

My wife will respond to people while we’re walking the dog. A quick response doesn’t bother me. If half a mile later she’s still typing, I’ll say something.

Texting and walking is dangerous. I get it though. You’re supposed to be enjoying each other’s company and not focus on other things.

Yeah, she’s relying on me to not let her run into anything.

 

[ChiefD]

My wife gets more mad at me because I DON'T have my phone on me.


I'll go wander the woods for an hour or two and before you know it she's yelling out the back door "are you dead down there? been trying to text you for a half hour".

 

[Terminalxylem]

How often do you look at your phone while eating out at a restaurant? That’s a big taboo for my wife and I and we don’t do it, unless it’s something both of us wants to look up.

I won’t bring my phone while eating out, or if I do, it is face down on/next to the table. Her phone remains in her purse.

We also try not to use our phones while driving/riding in the car, except for GPS.

All of this is out the window while tv viewing, though we rarely care to watch the same shows.

 

[Terminalxylem]

My wife gets more mad at me because I DON'T have my phone on me.


I'll go wander the woods for an hour or two and before you know it she's yelling out the back down "are you dead down there? been trying to text you for a half hour".

This is the way.

None of us are so important we need to be accessible all the time.

 

[jamny]

My wife never does while watching TV and rarely even takes her phone with her when we go out to eat. I'll look at the phone usually only during sports or commercials and only look at in a restaurant if something comes up while talking and we want an answer to it.

 

[ChiefD]

I take great joy walking into my house and seeing my wife and kids all on their phones. Gives me a great opportunity to shout at the top of my lungs:

"NERD ALERT. NERD ALERT. NERD ALERT." And make siren noises while doing so.

 

[JohnnyU]

How often do you look at your phone while eating out at a restaurant? That’s a big taboo for my wife and I and we don’t do it, unless it’s something both of us wants to look up.

I won’t bring my phone while eating out, or if I do, it is face down on/next to the table. Her phone remains in her purse.

We also try not to use our phones while driving/riding in the car, except for GPS.

All of this is out the window while tv viewing, though we rarely care to watch the same shows.

While I applaud you on everything you said, but IMO not watching the same shows could be another issue regarding time spent together, but maybe not. That is a discussion for a different thread I suppose.

 

[SFBayDuck]

For mine it's an ADHD thing. She often is listening to something in one earbud while playing some candy crush style game while watching tv. She can do all of that and still keep up with what's going on in whatever we're watching, other than occasionally missing something that was purely visual. I can't do that - if I read something on my phone I miss 90% of whatever is happening on screen.

Sometimes it's annoying, but

 

[JohnnyU]

For mine it's an ADHD thing. She often is listening to something in one earbud while playing some candy crush style game while watching tv. She can do all of that and still keep up with what's going on in whatever we're watching, other than occasionally missing something that was purely visual. I can't do that - if I read something on my phone I miss 90% of whatever is happening on screen.

Sometimes it's annoying, but

I suppose the big question is, are we too addicted to devices? Work stuff notwithstanding.

 

[CletiusMaximus]

My wife gets more mad at me because I DON'T have my phone on me.


I'll go wander the woods for an hour or two and before you know it she's yelling out the back door "are you dead down there? been trying to text you for a half hour".

My wife doesn't text me when I'm out with friends because most times I'll either leave my phone at home or in the car - so if she needs me she'll text my friends. This happened Friday night when I was at a neighbor's for the fight and she texted his wife a message for me because she saw my phone at home on the counter.

I almost always have my ipad out when I'm watching sports by myself, but put it away when we're watching something together. It doesn't bother me if she has hers out. My wife usually falls asleep within 10-15 minutes of watching any television show anyway.

At dinner, I leave the phone in the car but she typically has hers and checks it periodically.

 

[dgreen]

It bothers me if I want her to watch a particular show or movie and she's not paying attention. However, usually, when she says, "Let's watch TV together" I know that doesn't mean "Let's both pay close attention to the plot and character development so we can have a meaningful discussion about this show". It means something more like "Let's sit next to each other on the couch for a while." So, in that scenario, it doesn't really matter if one or both of us are on our phone. I'm not really looking for much conversation anyway.

 

[El Floppo]

It bothers me if I want her to watch a particular show or movie and she's not paying attention. However, usually, when she says, "Let's watch TV together" I know that doesn't mean "Let's both pay close attention to the plot and character development so we can have a meaningful discussion about this show". It means something more like "Let's sit next to each other on the couch for a while." So, in that scenario, it doesn't really matter if one or both of us are on our phone. I'm not really looking for much conversation anyway.

Same.

Only an issue if one of us cares about the plot but is instead on the phone and had to rewind... But that's rare.

I don't take it personally while watching TV. It doesn't inhibit us from talking or enjoying our time together.

Phones at meals, otoh... Nope

 

[urbanhack]

How often do you look at your phone while eating out at a restaurant? That’s a big taboo for my wife and I and we don’t do it, unless it’s something both of us wants to look up.

Never.

We strive for this, but only check if something important comes up with a text from her daughters, or something else noteworthy or newsworthy. But we're pretty good about it being present with each other.

 

[mr. furley]

wife is ADHD so she has an iPad open, phone on her lap and the tv on all the same time... 95% of the time.

my kids are the same way.

 

[BeTheMatch]

My wife wants me to watch a show on TV with her, but then has her nose in her IPAD during the show. That irritates me. Do you do this when you’re supposed to be watching a show with someone? Or do both of you do it? Does it irritate you when someone does this, or is it something that should be ignored? I’m not saying I never do it, because I will glance at the score of Sunday night football, or Monday night football, but to me that isn’t as bad as perusing vacation rentals, but maybe it is and I don’t have room to complain.

We both do it. And it usually annoys the one who happens to not be doing it themself at that moment.

 

[JohnnyU]

wife is ADHD so she has an iPad open, phone on her lap and the tv on all the same time... 95% of the time.

my kids are the same way.

Do you see anything wrong with that? Are we at a point of normalizing device use anytime? Is it really OK for relationships?

 

[JohnnyU]

My wife wants me to watch a show on TV with her, but then has her nose in her IPAD during the show. That irritates me. Do you do this when you’re supposed to be watching a show with someone? Or do both of you do it? Does it irritate you when someone does this, or is it something that should be ignored? I’m not saying I never do it, because I will glance at the score of Sunday night football, or Monday night football, but to me that isn’t as bad as perusing vacation rentals, but maybe it is and I don’t have room to complain.

We both do it. And it usually annoys the one who happens to not be doing it themself at that moment.

Love your truthfulness and being blunt about it.

 

[El Floppo]

wife is ADHD so she has an iPad open, phone on her lap and the tv on all the same time... 95% of the time.

my kids are the same way.

Do you see anything wrong with that? Are we at a point of normalizing device use anytime? Is it really OK for relationships?

Parents in 1950...
Are we at a point of normalizing TV use any time? Is the TV really ok for relationships?

TV time is dumb unwind time, not intellectual relationship building time... At least for us. There are shows that the entire family watches that's nice bonding time- but nobody takes it personally or is worrying about the state of our collective relationships if somebody has a device open.

 

[Peak]

Not worried about phones/devices while watching TV. I get more annoyed when she won't put it down when I'm talking to her.

 

[nirad3]

For mine it's an ADHD thing. She often is listening to something in one earbud while playing some candy crush style game while watching tv. She can do all of that and still keep up with what's going on in whatever we're watching, other than occasionally missing something that was purely visual. I can't do that - if I read something on my phone I miss 90% of whatever is happening on screen.

Sometimes it's annoying, but

I suppose the big question is, are we too addicted to devices? Work stuff notwithstanding.

I know I am, I'd be the first to admit it. I was in Austin following a work trip two weekends ago and forgot my portable charger. I knew I'd be out for several hours one night so had to cut down on the (phone) screen time. I was watching a college hoops game and still felt the urge to get on my phone to do various crap (check fantasy basketball lineup, check Facebook, text a buddy back, etc.). Fortunately I did bring my regular plug-in charger and the bartender found a spot for me to plug in.

I watch very little TV outside of sports. If I'm at home watching, I'm definitely multi-tasking (meaning, on my phone). If I'm out at a bar or something, I'm probably yakkin' it up with someone so not on the phone.

I know it's a huge problem.

 

[Terminalxylem]

How often do you look at your phone while eating out at a restaurant? That’s a big taboo for my wife and I and we don’t do it, unless it’s something both of us wants to look up.

I won’t bring my phone while eating out, or if I do, it is face down on/next to the table. Her phone remains in her purse.

We also try not to use our phones while driving/riding in the car, except for GPS.

All of this is out the window while tv viewing, though we rarely care to watch the same shows.

While I applaud you on everything you said, but IMO not watching the same shows could be another issue regarding time spent together, but maybe not. That is a discussion for a different thread I suppose.

I hear you, and think it may be another topic worth discussing.

TV isn’t very important for either of us. We have cable without any additional streaming services, and no shows that are mandatory viewing. She likes watching talent competitions, eg. the Voice/AGT, and the news. I watch nature documentaries and survival shows. While there’s some overlap in viewing interest (tennis), it ain’t much. Same goes for movies, but we probably watch only one or two a year, max.

If it’s any consolation, she bought tickets for the Wicked premiere, so quality time upcoming!

 

[JohnnyU]

wife is ADHD so she has an iPad open, phone on her lap and the tv on all the same time... 95% of the time.

my kids are the same way.

Do you see anything wrong with that? Are we at a point of normalizing device use anytime? Is it really OK for relationships?

Parents in 1950...
Are we at a point of normalizing TV use any time? Is the TV really ok for relationships?

TV time is dumb unwind time, not intellectual relationship building time... At least for us. There are shows that the entire family watches that's nice bonding time- but nobody takes it personally or is worrying about the state of our collective relationships if somebody has a device open.

I can respect that. Just asking if we've become too consumed by our devices.

 

[WVU Alum]

My wife is glued to her phone, but I’m nothing to look at and not interesting, so there is that.

 

[El Floppo]

wife is ADHD so she has an iPad open, phone on her lap and the tv on all the same time... 95% of the time.

my kids are the same way.

Do you see anything wrong with that? Are we at a point of normalizing device use anytime? Is it really OK for relationships?

Parents in 1950...
Are we at a point of normalizing TV use any time? Is the TV really ok for relationships?

TV time is dumb unwind time, not intellectual relationship building time... At least for us. There are shows that the entire family watches that's nice bonding time- but nobody takes it personally or is worrying about the state of our collective relationships if somebody has a device open.

I can respect that. Just asking if we've become too consumed by our devices.

Oh, for sure. That ship has sailed.

 

[Terminalxylem]

wife is ADHD so she has an iPad open, phone on her lap and the tv on all the same time... 95% of the time.

my kids are the same way.

Do you see anything wrong with that? Are we at a point of normalizing device use anytime? Is it really OK for relationships?

It has become normalized, and it’s not OK, imo.

 

[ChiefD]

wife is ADHD so she has an iPad open, phone on her lap and the tv on all the same time... 95% of the time.

my kids are the same way.

Do you see anything wrong with that? Are we at a point of normalizing device use anytime? Is it really OK for relationships?

It has become normalized, and it’s not OK, imo.

Yeah, I talk to my kids all the time about this. And we still get up in their business if they are on too long.

What usually gets them is the 'ol - "how do you feel about being controlled by your phone?"

That's always followed by the:

"no I'm not."

"see, I can put it down."

I just laugh and make them come outside with me. They are pretty good about it overall.

 

[DA RAIDERS]

We don’t watch many shows together. She does this about 50% of the time. Never while out to dinner

 

[Alex P Keaton]

wife is ADHD so she has an iPad open, phone on her lap and the tv on all the same time... 95% of the time.

my kids are the same way.

My wife and kids are also like this. Wife and daughter both say it is because they have ADHD and thus are great at multitasking. My observation is that they are pretty bad at it. I keep that view to myself (now).

 

[Hastur]

My wife will watch tv while on her tablet. I cannot understand this behavior. If I'm watching tv, it is because I am interested in what I'm watching. Sometimes when she is watching tv/streaming, she will get up and go into the kitchen for something. I ask her, do you want me to pause this? She'll say, no, I'm ok.

This is beyond me.

 

[JohnnyU]

wife is ADHD so she has an iPad open, phone on her lap and the tv on all the same time... 95% of the time.

my kids are the same way.

My wife and kids are also like this. Wife and daughter both say it is because they have ADHD and thus are great at multitasking. My observation is that they are pretty bad at it. I keep that view to myself (now).

Yep, most keep telling themselves that, but we really know the answer, as you've already found out.

 

[JohnnyU]

My wife will watch tv while on her tablet. I cannot understand this behavior. If I'm watching tv, it is because I am interested in what I'm watching. Sometimes when she is watching tv/streaming, she will get up and go into the kitchen for something. I ask her, do you want me to pause this? She'll say, no, I'm ok.

This is beyond me.

My wife does this too. The part about getting up to go into the kitchen and I do the same thing and ask her should I pause it, and she gives the same answer.