14-year-old adults don't stay friends with exes. True./threadShe needs to grow up. Adults don't stay friends with exes.
/threadShe needs to grow up. Adults don't stay friends with exes.
I get that my discomfort is probably somewhat linked to the possibility of them banging, even though rationally I think that possibility is extremely low. But I think that emotion is deeply ingrained from millions of years of the evolutionary process wherein men are programmed to protect their mate from outside sperm competition.Aren't you the one with the crazy, hot former Maxim girl or something? Kudos to you on ditching her and finding a logical, fantastic girl.
So don't let illogic ruin it. I was the ex-BF in this situation (sans dog). I was NOT banging the ex-gf -- she was just one of my most trusted confidantes and best friends. I wouldn't feel as jealous nor as bad as people are making you feel.
And your discomfort with the whole situation? Face it -- it comes from the possibility of them banging, otherwise there's absolutely no problem.
This is the correct road to take.Been sitting here in the office, reading the responses, thinking about being married with three kids, the responsibilities, mortgage payment, soccer practices, waking up in the middle of the night to one of the kids vomiting, never sleeping in on weekends for nine years, worried about how to pay for college, coming home to by dog's diarrhea on the carpet....and thinking to myself....what would I do in that situation?
YOU'RE SINGLE. DUMP HER AND GO GET SOME MORE HIGH QUALITY POONANY. DO IT FOR ME. DO IT FOR ALL OF US!!!!!!
the dude comes over to play with the dog while you're not there. yeah the odds are crazy low. probably a million to one. lmao.Yeah, I tolerated way too much bull#### from that hot crazy #####. Finally leaving her after 8 years was the best decision of my life.Aren't you the one with the crazy, hot former Maxim girl or something? Kudos to you on ditching her and finding a logical, fantastic girl.
So don't let illogic ruin it. I was the ex-BF in this situation (sans dog). I was NOT banging the ex-gf -- she was just one of my most trusted confidantes and best friends. I wouldn't feel as jealous nor as bad as people are making you feel.
And your discomfort with the whole situation? Face it -- it comes from the possibility of them banging, otherwise there's absolutely no problem.
I get that my discomfort is probably somewhat linked to the possibility of them banging, even though rationally I think that possibility is extremely low. But I think that emotion is deeply ingrained from millions of years of the evolutionary process wherein men are programmed to protect their mate from outside sperm competition.
There you go.Yeah, I told her from the beginning that I didn't have a problem with her being friends with her ex because I knew they shared a dog, and I wasn't going to try to interfere with him seeing the dog. I also share a dog with my ex, so I was in a similar position at the time. However, since that time, I realized that an ongoing friendship with my ex wasn't going to be feasible, so I have basically cut my ex out of my life completely (except for a brief dog exchange maybe once every month or two). I have learned over time that my girlfriend and ex's friendship is closer than what I initially expected. I think my evolving position on the ex-boyfriend is definitely justified by the increasing seriousness of our own relationship and the more-then-expected contact she has with him.
There you go.Yeah, I told her from the beginning that I didn't have a problem with her being friends with her ex because I knew they shared a dog, and I wasn't going to try to interfere with him seeing the dog. I also share a dog with my ex, so I was in a similar position at the time. However, since that time, I realized that an ongoing friendship with my ex wasn't going to be feasible, so I have basically cut my ex out of my life completely (except for a brief dog exchange maybe once every month or two). I have learned over time that my girlfriend and ex's friendship is closer than what I initially expected. I think my evolving position on the ex-boyfriend is definitely justified by the increasing seriousness of our own relationship and the more-then-expected contact she has with him.
"Look, I know what I said at the beginning of our relationship, but things have changed since then. I really dig your chili and I want to spend more time developing our relationship because I honestly think it's worth taking to the next level. I don't mind that you see your ex occasionally and can appreciate your friendship with him, but every time you have dinner with him is a dinner I have to eat alone. And that sucks, because I'd MUCH rather be eating you. He had his chance....."
I've never considered giving her an ultimatum about her ex. I don't think that would be reasonable considering that they have a dog together and I have no reason to believe that they have any ongoing sexual relationship. I think I am planning on asking for significantly reduced contact with him and trying to figure out some reasonable boundaries. It seems like she may be open to this based on her text message earlier today.Either dump her or tell her what you just told us.
Her response will dictate the next steps.
What would make you happy?
1. Her cutting off all contact with him?
2. Her reducing all contact with him?
a. How much reduced contact? No more lunches? No phone calls? Only coming by for the dog when you're there?
3. None of the above? If so, just end it.
First bolded: Good for you, dude. That must have been tough.Yeah, I tolerated way too much bull#### from that hot crazy #####. Finally leaving her after 8 years was the best decision of my life.Aren't you the one with the crazy, hot former Maxim girl or something? Kudos to you on ditching her and finding a logical, fantastic girl.
So don't let illogic ruin it. I was the ex-BF in this situation (sans dog). I was NOT banging the ex-gf -- she was just one of my most trusted confidantes and best friends. I wouldn't feel as jealous nor as bad as people are making you feel.
And your discomfort with the whole situation? Face it -- it comes from the possibility of them banging, otherwise there's absolutely no problem.
I get that my discomfort is probably somewhat linked to the possibility of them banging, even though rationally I think that possibility is extremely low. But I think that emotion is deeply ingrained from millions of years of the evolutionary process wherein men are programmed to protect their mate from outside sperm competition.
This is on point.There you go.Yeah, I told her from the beginning that I didn't have a problem with her being friends with her ex because I knew they shared a dog, and I wasn't going to try to interfere with him seeing the dog. I also share a dog with my ex, so I was in a similar position at the time. However, since that time, I realized that an ongoing friendship with my ex wasn't going to be feasible, so I have basically cut my ex out of my life completely (except for a brief dog exchange maybe once every month or two). I have learned over time that my girlfriend and ex's friendship is closer than what I initially expected. I think my evolving position on the ex-boyfriend is definitely justified by the increasing seriousness of our own relationship and the more-then-expected contact she has with him.
"Look, I know what I said at the beginning of our relationship, but things have changed since then. I really dig your chili and I want to spend more time developing our relationship because I honestly think it's worth taking to the next level. I don't mind that you see your ex occasionally and can appreciate your friendship with him, but every time you have dinner with him is a dinner I have to eat alone. And that sucks, because I'd MUCH rather be eating with you. He had his chance....."
How'd that work out?Sounds very similar to the last girl that I dated.
All you can do is tell her how you feel.I've never considered giving her an ultimatum about her ex. I don't think that would be reasonable considering that they have a dog together and I have no reason to believe that they have any ongoing sexual relationship. I think I am planning on asking for significantly reduced contact with him and trying to figure out some reasonable boundaries. It seems like she may be open to this based on her text message earlier today.Either dump her or tell her what you just told us.
Her response will dictate the next steps.
What would make you happy?
1. Her cutting off all contact with him?
2. Her reducing all contact with him?
a. How much reduced contact? No more lunches? No phone calls? Only coming by for the dog when you're there?
3. None of the above? If so, just end it.
Well that's a pretty low bar..Yeah, she is definitely one of the most reasonable and logical women
He just dropped their dog at her apt.How'd that work out?Sounds very similar to the last girl that I dated.
She was lying and/or not being completely serious. Everything unraveled after I caught her in one lie (not even about the ex or the continuing friendship with him) and she hasn't been able to say a word to me since.How'd that work out?Sounds very similar to the last girl that I dated.
The ex loves all of nature, while he's there he plays with the dog and the #####.the dude comes over to play with the dog while you're not there. yeah the odds are crazy low. probably a million to one. lmao.Yeah, I tolerated way too much bull#### from that hot crazy #####. Finally leaving her after 8 years was the best decision of my life.Aren't you the one with the crazy, hot former Maxim girl or something? Kudos to you on ditching her and finding a logical, fantastic girl.
So don't let illogic ruin it. I was the ex-BF in this situation (sans dog). I was NOT banging the ex-gf -- she was just one of my most trusted confidantes and best friends. I wouldn't feel as jealous nor as bad as people are making you feel.
And your discomfort with the whole situation? Face it -- it comes from the possibility of them banging, otherwise there's absolutely no problem.
I get that my discomfort is probably somewhat linked to the possibility of them banging, even though rationally I think that possibility is extremely low. But I think that emotion is deeply ingrained from millions of years of the evolutionary process wherein men are programmed to protect their mate from outside sperm competition.
She's definitely picking up some load.Such a new millennium response. First thing you need to ask is what you want from her long term. If she's not marriage material then this guy is picking up some of the BF load for you. Good for him. If you want her long term, you have to get this guy into a violent game of racket ball or some ####. Punch him after he cheats at 8 ball. Take the fight to him bromigo.I know the ex-boyfriend. He seems like a nice enough guy. But if I am going to handle this situation, then I am going to handle it through my girlfriend, not the ex-boyfriend.Have you considered talking to the ex-bf?
How did gf respond to this?Yeah, I told her from the beginning that I didn't have a problem with her being friends with her ex because I knew they shared a dog, and I wasn't going to try to interfere with him seeing the dog. I also share a dog with my ex, so I was in a similar position at the time. However, since that time, I realized that an ongoing friendship with my ex wasn't going to be feasible, so I have basically cut my ex out of my life completely (except for a brief dog exchange maybe once every month or two). I have learned over time that my girlfriend and ex's friendship is closer than what I initially expected. I think my evolving position on the ex-boyfriend is definitely justified by the increasing seriousness of our own relationship and the more-then-expected contact she has with him.
Wow.....Tell her you want to taste her box before and after any trip over there...should be able to figure out if anything happened or not
Maybe lick the b-hole too just to be safe
In this age of hyper-connectivity and equality you really think that demanding she cut off all ties is either doable or healthy?Or, living in reality.Bunch of insecure ####s in here.
Demand? No, I would just be out looking for someone who doesn't spend time with her ex.In this age of hyper-connectivity and equality you really think that demanding she cut off all ties is either doable or healthy?Or, living in reality.Bunch of insecure ####s in here.
Force her to choose between you two and she'll either communicate with him behind your back or resent you for making the choice.
Be a man and allow her to have a life that isn't just you, and the relationship might have a shot.
Yeah a chick with joint custody of a dog is reasonable.
Or they didn't have a nasty break up and just misses the damn dog?She may not be sleeping with him, but he definitely wants to. No other reason for him to put in that time and effort.
Do not do this. If you are at that stage of insecurity this thing is destined to fail no matter the content. Save your dignity and leave amicably and with as much maturity as you can muster.I've never looked at her phone to see what type of things she texts with her ex-boyfriend, but I would interested to see them and I could easily do so if I wanted without her knowing. But that just feels way too much like the type of thing that my crazy ex would do.
Do you think I should ask her tonight if I could see the texts from her ex-boyfriend, as that might put me more at ease about the nature of their relationship? She has asked to see emails from my ex, and I have showed them to her. If she resists, that is another thing that I think would make me walk.
I'm just kind of on the fence about whether I should ask to see the text messages. It's not something that I would normally do.
but they have the joint poochShe may not be sleeping with him, but he definitely wants to. No other reason for him to put in that time and effort.
there is a large gap between "contact with ex-BF" and "ex-BF coming over to play with the dog, and dinner dates with ex-BF". I mean good lord people.In this age of hyper-connectivity and equality you really think that demanding she cut off all ties is either doable or healthy?Or, living in reality.Bunch of insecure ####s in here.
Force her to choose between you two and she'll either communicate with him behind your back or resent you for making the choice.
Be a man and allow her to have a life that isn't just you, and the relationship might have a shot.
I imagine, for some reason, both parties became attached to the dog and didn't want to never see it again.Someone explained this "shared dog" thing? Is this like Woz paying for his ex's cell phone?
they're going on dinner dates brosef.I think it's pretty ####### ridiculous that we expect someone - who dated or married someone - to discontinue all contact with said person because you started a relationship. You're really that seriously threatened?
Grow up. What if the dog in this situation were 2 kids they shared. Would you still expect that they don't contact each other.
Adults can actually manage friendships post-relationship without screwing each other
Spiders don't stab, they bite.I imagine, for some reason, both parties became attached to the dog and didn't want to never see it again.Someone explained this "shared dog" thing? Is this like Woz paying for his ex's cell phone?
Strange concept for a heartless, backstabbing, itsy-bitsy-spider to understand.
It's the ongoing joint cell phone plan that really gets you in trouble.