jwb
Footballguy
This is likely spot-on. In general terms, if your spouse is disinterested in your happiness (whatever that is - weight, dress, activity, finances, etc), then they are probably disinterested in you.When my first wife and I divorced, we both thrived and actually became more like the person each of us wanted in the first place. She got more outgoing, I became more responsible and actually made money, etc. But no matter what, it was clear we weren't interested in doing that for each other, for whatever reason. And maybe, had we realized what each other really wanted, we could have - we'll never know.This is true. And the hotter she is, the better mate she can obtain. She simply did not consider your friend to be worth the effort.Attraction for the opposite sex is the biggest motivator there is.A guy I work with divorced his wife because she was fat and lazy and would not do anything with herself. Fast forward a year she has lost 20 lbs..goes to the gym 3-4 days a week..walks a couple of days a week..wears makeup and had her hair highlighted and plays in a golf league. Last time I saw him he said "Now she is doing everything that I asked her to do the last 15 years..unreal"The funny thing is that if you got divorced she would probably have no problem losing the weight.
There are three choices here:
1) Live with the unhappiness.
2) Divorce
3) Find out exactly what it is your partner really wants, and then be that person.
#3 is very tricky, however. It might be impossible for some, as these could be deep-seated things (my ex and I couldn't quite synch up in what we both really wanted). Maybe a wife really wants her man to be an alpha-male leader she can count on, and the man just isn't that way. Maybe she wants someone who is a better provider, but the man is prettymuch topped out in his career. Those could be hard to fix. For my ex and I, she did really want someone more dependable in a financial sense, and I wasn't that guy at that time. I was too interested in partying and "making memories" instead of making money. And everytime money was mentioned, it caused a fight (look, no man wants to be told he's not a good provider, but truthfully, I wasn't at the time. However, that was a fight she wasn't winning - the minute money came up, I got defensive. That ended all hope of things getting solved.)
Lastly, the whole "look, you lose weight and I'll eat better and exercise with you" that's been discussed is silly. Because she probably doesn't care about how he eats/etc - that's not going to motivate her. She wants something totally different (and may not ever really come out and say what it is, because it could be an unfixable thing.)