****Official**** depression thread (1 Viewer)

[prosopis]

Iirc, I used Lexapro to get me out of a particularly stuck/dark place. Hope it keeps working for you in these uncertain times.

I've mentioned in a couple places the unhappy wife and (assumed) impending layoff due to the virus shutting my projects down.

Reminder to self: keep moving, don't get paralyzed in a bad place. Baby steps towards something/anything good.

Wishing all you people the best of mental and physical health.

I myself am following the same thoughts. Just keep moving, doing something. At the rate I am going I will have the best looking yard on this street. Should be weed free very soon. I have dirt and seeds to start planting everything from flowers to vegetables.

Anytime I catch my self starting to sink in my chair of despair to examine my jar of anger that is buried in my soul, I force myself to go plant a gosh darn flower or pull a weed. 

I have also been doing a lot of dog walking, reading, and medicating with natural stuff.  

 

[prosopis]

Whoa

I think this site automatically edited my words from gosh darn to gosh darn

 

[prosopis]

Whoa

I think this site automatically edited my words from gosh darn to gosh darn

Oh snap that is a whole new level of editing. How do they do that?

 

[ProstheticRGK]

Today is rough freaking day. Would've been my wife's 40th Birthday today, and I am getting all sorts of calls from family and friends, checking in on me and sharing memories of her. I miss her so damn badly. I feel crippled, and like my life has no meaning, since she is gone.

Also, dealing with a lot of anxiety about the corona virus. Not just generic anxiety, I work in healthcare, and know I'll be exposed and likely get it. I have a ten-year-old son, who has already lost a big brother and lost his mom and now has only me: a 50-yr-old dad who doesn't take near as good a care of himself as he should, Today, I just want to curl up in the fetal position and weep.

 

[prosopis]

Today is rough freaking day. Would've been my wife's 40th Birthday today, and I am getting all sorts of calls from family and friends, checking in on me and sharing memories of her. I miss her so damn badly. I feel crippled, and like my life has no meaning, since she is gone.

Also, dealing with a lot of anxiety about the corona virus. Not just generic anxiety, I work in healthcare, and know I'll be exposed and likely get it. I have a ten-year-old son, who has already lost a big brother and lost his mom and now has only me: a 50-yr-old dad who doesn't take near as good a care of himself as he should, Today, I just want to curl up in the fetal position and weep.

Hang in there,stay the course, I love you

 

[Man In The Box]

Today is rough freaking day. Would've been my wife's 40th Birthday today, and I am getting all sorts of calls from family and friends, checking in on me and sharing memories of her. I miss her so damn badly. I feel crippled, and like my life has no meaning, since she is gone.

Also, dealing with a lot of anxiety about the corona virus. Not just generic anxiety, I work in healthcare, and know I'll be exposed and likely get it. I have a ten-year-old son, who has already lost a big brother and lost his mom and now has only me: a 50-yr-old dad who doesn't take near as good a care of himself as he should, Today, I just want to curl up in the fetal position and weep.

There probably aren’t too many words that anyone can tell you right now to make you heal, but know that you’re heard and you’re not alone. Keep fighting bud. 

 

[Long Ball Larry]

Today is rough freaking day. Would've been my wife's 40th Birthday today, and I am getting all sorts of calls from family and friends, checking in on me and sharing memories of her. I miss her so damn badly. I feel crippled, and like my life has no meaning, since she is gone.

Also, dealing with a lot of anxiety about the corona virus. Not just generic anxiety, I work in healthcare, and know I'll be exposed and likely get it. I have a ten-year-old son, who has already lost a big brother and lost his mom and now has only me: a 50-yr-old dad who doesn't take near as good a care of himself as he should, Today, I just want to curl up in the fetal position and weep.

Ugh really sucks man.  That is a lot of pain.  He knows you are a good man and that will carry through.  You can do it.  Stay strong.

 

[Long Ball Larry]

Just need a place to post and maybe someone who is struggling will read this and seek help. I started Lexapro a few weeks ago - I needed it pretty badly for depression and anxiety. I am so thankful I am on something given the world events. It has helped more than I anticipated. 

That is great to hear.  Good luck to you.

might be getting this for my daughter soon.  She has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and this whole ####### thing with the social isolation and lack of structure has been hell on her.  

 

[Angry Beavers]

That is great to hear.  Good luck to you.

might be getting this for my daughter soon.  She has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and this whole ####### thing with the social isolation and lack of structure has been hell on her.  

It is tough enough to deal with as an adult, but significantly worse as a younger person. Best of luck and thanks for the well wishes. 

 

[Lacey]

Today is rough freaking day. Would've been my wife's 40th Birthday today, and I am getting all sorts of calls from family and friends, checking in on me and sharing memories of her. I miss her so damn badly. I feel crippled, and like my life has no meaning, since she is gone.

Also, dealing with a lot of anxiety about the corona virus. Not just generic anxiety, I work in healthcare, and know I'll be exposed and likely get it. I have a ten-year-old son, who has already lost a big brother and lost his mom and now has only me: a 50-yr-old dad who doesn't take near as good a care of himself as he should, Today, I just want to curl up in the fetal position and weep.

Don’t be so hard on yourself, this is tough on everyone and no doubt extra hard on you and your son.  That said, think of it from his perspective...you are his world and hero and you can make this a positive moment in time. Take this time to strengthen your relationship with him.  Board games, video games, projects around home together, exercise, walking outside.  Every day, as rough as it might be, presents an opportunity to move forward in a new way.

-respectfully coming from a guy who hasn’t faced your hardships, but the fact that you’re even posting is an inspiration.

 

[zamboni]

Don’t be so hard on yourself, this is tough on everyone and no doubt extra hard on you and your son.  That said, think of it from his perspective...you are his world and hero and you can make this a positive moment in time. Take this time to strengthen your relationship with him.  Board games, video games, projects around home together, exercise, walking outside.  Every day, as rough as it might be, presents an opportunity to move forward in a new way.

-respectfully coming from a guy who hasn’t faced your hardships, but the fact that you’re even posting is an inspiration.

Excellent advice.

Prosthetic, know that you have a whole community out here rooting for you and here to support you.

 

[jvdesigns2002]

Today is rough freaking day. Would've been my wife's 40th Birthday today, and I am getting all sorts of calls from family and friends, checking in on me and sharing memories of her. I miss her so damn badly. I feel crippled, and like my life has no meaning, since she is gone.

Also, dealing with a lot of anxiety about the corona virus. Not just generic anxiety, I work in healthcare, and know I'll be exposed and likely get it. I have a ten-year-old son, who has already lost a big brother and lost his mom and now has only me: a 50-yr-old dad who doesn't take near as good a care of himself as he should, Today, I just want to curl up in the fetal position and weep.

Your son has a 50 year old dad that is doing what he can to save the planet from a killer virus.   I’d say he’s a pretty effing lucky kid to have a dad that is basically a superhero in  this current crazy world.  And you are equally lucky to have a kid that loves you sooo much.  Keep your head up and keep being the superhero that your kid and the world needs you to be.  I’ve never said this to anybody outside of first responders or members of our armed services—-but thank you and all of your co-workers for your service.  You are all hero’s. 

 

[BobbyLayne]

I have major depressive disorder and PTSD.

For those familiar with the DSM-5 and associated tests, my depression is a raw score of 68/80 [on the Zung Depression Scale]. 70 and over is severe - you can’t get out of bed, can’t function, don’t practice self care. With the PTSD, my score is 53 [out of 85 on the PCL-5]. Combat Vets above 35 usually get disability. I haven’t applied but may at some point.

Anyway, I’ve been in treatment at the VA for awhile. Last Thanksgiving I started on a low dose (50 mg), low side effect antidepressant, Sertraline (brand name = Zoloft.) I was reluctant to try meds because I need to be high functioning in my career. But it’s helped a lot and the side effects have been minimal.

For me, what’s been most helpful is attacking this in a variety of areas. Nutrition, exercise, mindfulness, group therapy, individual sessions, art therapy, music therapy. I’ll try anything if I think it might help. Some things are more effective than others.

Suffice to say this has been the toughest battle of my life. It took a long time for me to confront my mental illness, but I’ve reached a point where I can effectively manage it.

If you need help, get help. Even if you don’t think you have a major disorder, 1 in 5 Americans experiences a mental health issue in any given year. Therapy has helped me a lot, and no matter what you are dealing with, chances are it will help you, too.

Hope that helps someone.

 

[skol asylum]

That is great to hear.  Good luck to you.

might be getting this for my daughter soon.  She has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and this whole ####### thing with the social isolation and lack of structure has been hell on her.  

Same for mine. Mine has also been in online school this year as they couldn't handle high school when it started. There was already months of social isolation for them. Really sucks.

 

[El Floppo]

Iirc, I used Lexapro to get me out of a particularly stuck/dark place. Hope it keeps working for you in these uncertain times.

I've mentioned in a couple places the unhappy wife and (assumed) impending layoff due to the virus shutting my projects down.

Reminder to self: keep moving, don't get paralyzed in a bad place. Baby steps towards something/anything good.

Wishing all you people the best of mental and physical health.

Not sure why today everything hit me...but I am feeling it bad.

Maybe today...when I tried to sign in to work this am, our coo's name was in the sign in instead of mine. I immediately assumed that was it...done. Emailed him and he gave me a workaround and eventually logged himself out...but didn't explain why he was there in the first place. That feeling of impending being layed off was just right there...ugh. 

And work- and I actually have some work for now- is really tough to get done due to bandwidth squeeze on the office server and trying to manage reviewing large format drawings (30x42) on my laptop or printed on 8x11 at home. I'm not OCD, but at 52 I have a method for how I go about things...and it ain't this. I know it's tough all around and we're all trying to adjust to doing this WFH thing.

With the numbers skyrocketing here in NYC, and this work stuff and fresh direct (our home delivery grocery service) bouncing/losing my wife's weekly reserved time...with no slots at all left...I guess today just felt overwhelming. 

I need to go running. But living in the lower depths of Manhattan, we're trying to stay quarantined.

I'll give myself today, but need to do more baby stepping away from this spot tomorrow.

 

[El Floppo]

I have major depressive disorder and PTSD.

For those familiar with the DSM-5 and associated tests, my depression is a raw score of 68/80 [on the Zung Depression Scale]. 70 and over is severe - you can’t get out of bed, can’t function, don’t practice self care. With the PTSD, my score is 53 [out of 85 on the PCL-5]. Combat Vets above 35 usually get disability. I haven’t applied but may at some point.

Anyway, I’ve been in treatment at the VA for awhile. Last Thanksgiving I started on a low dose (50 mg), low side effect antidepressant, Sertraline (brand name = Zoloft.) I was reluctant to try meds because I need to be high functioning in my career. But it’s helped a lot and the side effects have been minimal.

For me, what’s been most helpful is attacking this in a variety of areas. Nutrition, exercise, mindfulness, group therapy, individual sessions, art therapy, music therapy. I’ll try anything if I think it might help. Some things are more effective than others.

Suffice to say this has been the toughest battle of my life. It took a long time for me to confront my mental illness, but I’ve reached a point where I can effectively manage it.

If you need help, get help. Even if you don’t think you have a major disorder, 1 in 5 Americans experiences a mental health issue in any given year. Therapy has helped me a lot, and no matter what you are dealing with, chances are it will help you, too.

Hope that helps someone.

Missed this.

All the loves, brother.

 

[BobbyLayne]

Missed this.

All the loves, brother.

Thanks, man. Doing very well, I’m blessed with great support.

It’s an ongoing battle. Grateful for the progress that’s been achieved. No longer wonder when I’ll be cured; super happy to have gotten to a place where it can be effectively managed.

Took a minute to accept that’s the new normal.

 

[BobbyLayne]

19 minutes ago, El Floppo said:

Hang in there, Flop. That’s a lot to carry.

We’re gonna get through this. One day at a time.

 

[wikkidpissah]

Not sure why today everything hit me...but I am feeling it bad.

Maybe today...when I tried to sign in to work this am, our coo's name was in the sign in instead of mine. I immediately assumed that was it...done. Emailed him and he gave me a workaround and eventually logged himself out...but didn't explain why he was there in the first place. That feeling of impending being layed off was just right there...ugh. 

And work- and I actually have some work for now- is really tough to get done due to bandwidth squeeze on the office server and trying to manage reviewing large format drawings (30x42) on my laptop or printed on 8x11 at home. I'm not OCD, but at 52 I have a method for how I go about things...and it ain't this. I know it's tough all around and we're all trying to adjust to doing this WFH thing.

With the numbers skyrocketing here in NYC, and this work stuff and fresh direct (our home delivery grocery service) bouncing/losing my wife's weekly reserved time...with no slots at all left...I guess today just felt overwhelming. 

I need to go running. But living in the lower depths of Manhattan, we're trying to stay quarantined.

I'll give myself today, but need to do more baby stepping away from this spot tomorrow.

*virtual hug*

ETA: i give grrrreat hugs too - imagine a gin-drunk grizz 

 

[The Duff Man]

Never took the Xmas lights down, thinking of switching them back on. I need some positivity, we all do. 

Noticed on a walk today some driveways are filled with kids positive messages in chalk. That is a start, trying to think of what more I can do to help others while still sticking to home quarantine due to travel. 

Tried talking to some buddies, man, guys just do not know how to talk about emotions!

Might be time to read something good or explore positivity online.  Much better than reading more about covid. 

 

[prosopis]

Hang in there. We can do this.

 

[prosopis]

I had what I consider an episode yesterday.

My family around the country set up a meeting on zoom. I think there was 7-8 that were going to be on. I signed in and had video but no one could hear me. I tried a few things but could never get it. It sounded and looked fun but after 20 mins of trying I ducked out due to I was getting pretty mad. For what ever reason that was the straw that broke my back. I fell into that big black hole of horribleness. As I often end up doing I sat in my chair for hours and stared into the abyss.  I eventually forced myself out of it and poured a few drinks and watched tv.

This morning I have a depression hangover.

I will say it was a weird feeling to go so fast into feeling like that. Makes me think I have more going on than I am willing to accept.

* First world problems

 

[wikkidpissah]

I had what I consider an episode yesterday.

My family around the country set up a meeting on zoom. I think there was 7-8 that were going to be on. I signed in and had video but no one could hear me. I tried a few things but could never get it. It sounded and looked fun but after 20 mins of trying I ducked out due to I was getting pretty mad. For what ever reason that was the straw that broke my back. I fell into that big black hole of horribleness. As I often end up doing I sat in my chair for hours and stared into the abyss.  I eventually forced myself out of it and poured a few drinks and watched tv.

This morning I have a depression hangover.

I will say it was a weird feeling to go so fast into feeling like that. Makes me think I have more going on than I am willing to accept.

* First world problems

Have you heard of Buddhist chanting? Nam Myoho Renge Kyo?

I've been doing it for almost fifty years and have used it to help with everything from quitting cigarettes to fixing my golf swing, and verbally or silently chanting it (na-myo-ho-reng-gay-kyo) is my default position in all situations in which panic or mania or lack of focus could be involved.

Don't know precisely how it works - the words just praise an ancient Japanese text - but i do know that we are animated by approximately 35-50 watts of generated/conducted electrical energy and that Asians have been exploring the manipulation of the flow of same for 1000s of years to positive result. I presume repetition of "Allahu Akbar", "In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit" or "Tuesday consecutive breakfast" might work close to as well, but i trust the rhythm & nonsensicality of the original. One need not study nor believe anything other than what they already do to indulge the process - just chant til you're chill. In panic or when one's head will not leave a subject, it's a godsend.

 

[Angry Beavers]

@prosopis  Hang in there. These are trying times for certain. I think we all need to allow ourselves a little leeway these days. 

 

[El Floppo]

@prosopis  Hang in there. These are trying times for certain. I think we all need to allow ourselves a little leeway these days. 

This.

And dammit...I'm right there with you on frustration levels being in the red and ready to blow over the simplest and inconsequential things.

Very glad to read that you identified the situation and pulled yourself out of it. Keep doing that (saying this to myself as well as to you!).

 

[El Floppo]

Have you heard of Buddhist chanting? Nam Myoho Renge Kyo?

I've been doing it for almost fifty years and have used it to help with everything from quitting cigarettes to fixing my golf swing, and verbally or silently chanting it (na-myo-ho-reng-gay-kyo) is my default position in all situations in which panic or mania or lack of focus could be involved.

Don't know precisely how it works - the words just praise an ancient Japanese text - but i do know that we are animated by approximately 35-50 watts of generated/conducted electrical energy and that Asians have been exploring the manipulation of the flow of same for 1000s of years to positive result. I presume repetition of "Allahu Akbar", "In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit" or "Tuesday consecutive breakfast" might work close to as well, but i trust the rhythm & nonsensicality of the original. One need not study nor believe anything other than what they already do to indulge the process - just chant til you're chill. In panic or when one's head will not leave a subject, it's a godsend.

I'm not a meditation or mantra guy...but I thought people often used mantras like that to initiate their meditative state? 

 

[wikkidpissah]

I'm not a meditation or mantra guy...but I thought people often used mantras like that to initiate their meditative state? 

i dont meditate never have.

took me fifty years to figure out that my "Irish temper", was the result of the sub-intelligent layers of my brain sending me alarm signals automatically because my pulse quickened in response to youthful angst-related stress and/or lust, to which i reacted in real time. the actual high-functioning part of your brain can solve most problems, but not while the rabid jackal inside you is yowling & cackling. i'd seen chanting used in hippie communes, saw it again in the Jack Nicholson flick "The Last Detail" and ended up using it to wrangle my attention from my pouncing beast to that of my better angels. works like a charm. 

 

[prosopis]

https://www.sgi.org/about-us/videos/how-to-chant1.html

Found this video which talks about the chanting

That is interesting and something I will try. I used to say a lot of hail Mary's during the day. I felt like it relaxed me and I was always a fan of saying Rosaries. I wonder if it is the same mechanism? I do see the attraction in less syllables and less words. 

 

[eoMMan]

I had what I consider an episode yesterday.

My family around the country set up a meeting on zoom. I think there was 7-8 that were going to be on. I signed in and had video but no one could hear me. I tried a few things but could never get it. It sounded and looked fun but after 20 mins of trying I ducked out due to I was getting pretty mad. For what ever reason that was the straw that broke my back. I fell into that big black hole of horribleness. As I often end up doing I sat in my chair for hours and stared into the abyss.  I eventually forced myself out of it and poured a few drinks and watched tv.

This morning I have a depression hangover.

I will say it was a weird feeling to go so fast into feeling like that. Makes me think I have more going on than I am willing to accept.

* First world problems

I know it's easy to say not being in your shoes but I always try to think of other times when I was really upset/frustrated/mad/etc about something.  It could be about a crappy thing my boss did or said or whatever.  I try to realize that things always get better.  Always. We all have bad periods in life whether it's a day, week, or month.  Hang in there.  It'll get better.

 

[wikkidpissah]

https://www.sgi.org/about-us/videos/how-to-chant1.html

Found this video which talks about the chanting

That is interesting and something I will try. I used to say a lot of hail Mary's during the day. I felt like it relaxed me and I was always a fan of saying Rosaries. I wonder if it is the same mechanism? I do see the attraction in less syllables and less words. 

i'm certain of it.

me Ma has more rage - and there's no rage as blind & brutal as an orphan's rage - in her than any three UFC fighters. cleaning the house within an inch of its life and saying novenas was her sublimation. i moved up here because she'd been invalided and was dying.

i found her not only wiped out but twitching like a mofo. she'd been robbed of her sublimations - cleaning the house & going to church. i asked her if she said novenas anymore and she said she didn't so i started giving her people & sitches to pray for (anybody in FFA who's been in trouble knows i always put me Ma on it immediately). the bile and clotted electricity fell away from her and i see no coincidence in that she almost immediately stopped dying. of course, that's kept me stuck up here six years & counting instead of six months, but such is life.

 

[BobbyLayne]

None of us are the best version of ourselves atm. This is a difficult and stressful time. It's OK to go easy on yourself.

With respect to meditation, I've found practicing mindfulness to be very helpful. Whatever you are doing, be present and focus on that one thing you are doing.

• If you reading a book then immerse yourself in the story.
  
• If you're eating a meal, do it slowly and try to focus on every sensation: the texture, the flavor, can you pick which spices might have been used.
  
• If you are playing golf, take in everything - how does the ground feel, are there birds singing, can you smell freshly cut grass, have the trees started to bloom, do you have a relaxed athletic stance as you address the ball, wiggle your toes, is your grip tight or relaxed, et al.
  
• If you are talking to a friend, then turn your phone off and give them your undivided attention, be curious, ask clarifying or follow up questions - while still being your authentic best self, have a goal that for the next XX minutes you want them to feel like the most important thing in your life.
  

That's actually kind of hard to do, especially when you start out. One really good trick is to try a body scan. Link below, but you could google "mindfulness body scan meditation" and find 1,000s on YouTube. I picked this one because it's a short video and is a good intro; if you enjoy it, try one that is a little longer (15-20 minutes.)

Mindful Meditation (Body Scan)

I also practice yoga (another new thing for me) but one thing at a time.

 

[Courtjester]

Same for mine. Mine has also been in online school this year as they couldn't handle high school when it started. There was already months of social isolation for them. Really sucks.

I wrote a long drunken response to this Friday and for some reason, I apparently didn't send it. I can really identify with your situation. My 15 year old daughter is going through this exact thing. I will try and expand on this later, but just hang in there man. 

 

[skol asylum]

I wrote a long drunken response to this Friday and for some reason, I apparently didn't send it. I can really identify with your situation. My 15 year old daughter is going through this exact thing. I will try and expand on this later, but just hang in there man. 

You too.

 

[Man In The Box]

My depression has turned almost completely into anxiety. I’m usually never anxious about much, but I’ve had a few moments (episodes?) where I really had to stop myself and focus on breathing and getting my mind right. I’m out there working by myself as an essential employee, and spend most of the day by myself so I attribute most of the turnaround to that. I just try to find a balance between listening to the news and mixing in some unrelated podcasts and some music. I’m also trying to get to bed a little earlier every night. Hang in there everyone. We’re gonna get through this, just have to be smart and keep helping each other. 

 

[BobbyLayne]

My depression has turned almost completely into anxiety. I’m usually never anxious about much, but I’ve had a few moments (episodes?) where I really had to stop myself and focus on breathing and getting my mind right. I’m out there working by myself as an essential employee, and spend most of the day by myself so I attribute most of the turnaround to that. I just try to find a balance between listening to the news and mixing in some unrelated podcasts and some music. I’m also trying to get to bed a little earlier every night. Hang in there everyone. We’re gonna get through this, just have to be smart and keep helping each other. 

Personally I find taking long breaks from here & staying off Twitter are helpful. That’s not easy because my standard operating procedure pre-Corona was to pretty much always stay informed.

 

[nirad3]

Just not feelin like myself today.  My anxiety and lower levels of depression have actually been pretty held in check these past few weeks but man, I am just not feelin' it today.

Kids woke me up a half hour or so before my alarm (the worst) and this after getting terrible sleep (weird dreams, up a couple times to pee and I was incredibly thirsty from the homemade pizza we made for dinner last night).

Popped an Ativan (Xanax equivalent) prior to getting in the shower in hope of making it through today.  Hopefully coffee helps, cuz I got an 11am call.  

 

[BobbyLayne]

Just not feelin like myself today.  My anxiety and lower levels of depression have actually been pretty held in check these past few weeks but man, I am just not feelin' it today.

Kids woke me up a half hour or so before my alarm (the worst) and this after getting terrible sleep (weird dreams, up a couple times to pee and I was incredibly thirsty from the homemade pizza we made for dinner last night).

Popped an Ativan (Xanax equivalent) prior to getting in the shower in hope of making it through today.  Hopefully coffee helps, cuz I got an 11am call.  

I was feeling not my best yesterday. Nothing specific - mild headache (no other symptoms), very sore from CrossFit, haven’t made my bed in a week, showered since Friday, changed my clothes since Saturday. I know what I should do but don’t do it.

A little better today. Had a couple Zoom calls which helped. Trying not to focus on the peak being 2-3 weeks away or knowing there’s a good chance we’ll have people dying until at least June (best case.)

One. Day. At. A. Time.

 

[El Floppo]

I too had weird dreams that woke me up to immediate dark thoughts of where I am in life financially. tough hole to swim out from emotionally- but nothing to be done at this point other than keep plugging forward the best I can.

thank god my kids seem to really love each other and are happy and riding this thing out so far with grace and joy.

praise satan that 12 floppinho practices the marimba all the time (for school)- previously done while I'm at work. marimba. like melodic hammer blows to the brain. for hours.

eta: they just spent the last 45 minutes chasing eachother playing some game with a squishy (foam toy) and then sat down to sing Dear Evan Hansen tunes with Floppinho on keyboard and 8yo floppinha doing her darndest to sing harmonies. she can't sing- but dammit, she had her finger in her ear and everything. laughing together the entire time. dammit I love these kids.

 

[Socrates11]

I feel like I'm on the edge of a nervous breakdown. I'm pretty close to getting a separation/divorce from the wife (see the corona divorces thread) and now today my 15 yo son was just expelled from his Catholic school. Like a freakin idiot he gave out the google classroom codes to some tiktok thread and whoever grabbed them went into his Health class and posted pornography repeatedly until they could shut it down. Suspended for the rest of the year (expelled, but they wouldn't come out and say it that way for some reason) and pretty much told not to apply for next year.

This is the email they just sent out- 

****Dear High School Families, 

Today in Mrs. XXXXX's EF class, a class in which your child is enrolled, a series of pornographic pictures were displayed very briefly by a person not affiliated with the school. This person had been provided the link by a student who posted the private meeting information publicly via social media. As soon as the teacher recognized the intrusion, she quickly instructed all students to get off the meeting and shut down the link to the Meet classroom. The student has been suspended from school pending further action, and all his school accounts have been disabled. All teachers of the student have been directed to change their Google Meet links immediately, and all teachers have been instructed to review protocols for maintaining the privacy of Google Meet links with their students. We greatly apologize for this issue and how it may have affected your child. If this incident has caused any type of distress for your child, please reach out to your child’s school counselor for assistance. If you have further questions, please contact the vice principal. 

Sincerely, 

XXXXXXX High School ****

I was running on fumes from lack of sleep due to the marriage stress, barely functioning for a job I'm lucky enough to be able to work from home with, and now this. I am in a dark place. 

 

[El Floppo]

ugh, man. that's a hard road all around. 

can you go for a long drive? or run? or walk? something to get away by yourself to decompress? have you been doing this already?

tough/dumb luck for the kid with one bad decision. 

I wish I had something wiser to offer you... keep moving forward and do your best to give yourself a break (and certainly your son too).

all the best and know we're here however you need us.

 

[wikkidpissah]

a word to those whose current mental disruption is related to coronavirus:

try not to entangle yourself in the game of contagion. we game everything anymore because we are used to measuring our rightness about things. modern life does not provide very many opportunities for actual wins, where the individual prevails and reaps specific gain as a result. the human instrument needs victories, however (it's how we conquered the elements), so we invest in abstractions - religions, political parties, sports, tastes where we get our wins by being on the best team or being the most faithful fans. tech has expanded these opportunities, so our lives become filled with no actual wins but 1000s of semi-wins.

recently, politics has suffered substantially from so many making of it a fantasy sport, and actual indirect damage has been done to the process by the result (most especially, making us vulnerable to marketing). i wish people would stop with this but, whatevs....

plllllllllllllllllllz dont game the contagion. there are no wins - only survival. endurance. luck, location & constitution will largely determine who lives or dies. visions of mastery will be defeated by this thing, yet i see people getting worked up by the deets, just as they do in fantasy-everything. shut this off, along with your doors. reach out, love, care. dont play this. it will play you -

 

[BobbyLayne]

I am in a dark place. 

Relatable. I’m so sorry.

This will pass. Nothing is forever.

Praying for you, GB.

 

[SWC]

hey socrates just wanted to drop in here and tell you that at least one guy in milwaukee is pulling for you and this thread is proof that a lot of others are too stay strong keep you chin up and be well 

 

[Long Ball Larry]

anyone here had any experience with trazadone?

 

[prosopis]

anyone here had any experience with trazadone?

Many years ago (25?) It was given to me for sleep. IIRC it gave me a kind of dopey hangover. I think I read up on it and stopped taking it after I saw how addictive it could be. That was so long ago though that I could be remembering wrong. 

Wikid knows about this stuff. I would wait for his input.

 

[krista4]

anyone here had any experience with trazadone?

I have a prescription for sleep assistance.  It doesn’t help all the time, nor does it get me a lot (maybe four hours if I take 100 mg), but it’s more useful than anything else I’ve tried.  Has never given me a groggy feeling later nor do I find it addictive.  Maybe it has changed since prosopis took it, or maybe it’s just different body chemistry.

 

[wikkidpissah]

Wikid knows about this stuff. I would wait for his input.

I've known several people who've used it (as the others have said, more for sleep than for maintenance) but what i do know about SSRIs (and i dont know enough) is that nobody knows enough about SSRIs & the individual. Most people are able to find one that works for them, but it can be a crapshoot. There is a wide spectrum of how each of them are metabolized by the user and whether the parts of mental processing it blocks would be useful case by case. My very general, anecdotal recommendation is that folks who have been prescribed SSRIs and find themselves somewhat but not entirely satisfied with the effect, should try a new one each year, with a full detox between (if the patient is not suicidal). My general suggestion is that people who find the brood impulse interrupted by SSRIs should then venture to understand their brooding mechanisms so they can consider using the drug as a bridge to health rather than a cure.

 

[wikkidpissah]

Destressor of the Day

[SIZE=7.875px]*lifted from Fred's Thread*[/SIZE]

 

[BobbyLayne]

How are my fellow goth kids doing?

My depression has been worse than ever the past week or two.

Currently on a low dose, low side effect SSRI (50 mg Zoloft.) Contemplating doubling the dosage.

I’m enrolled in a VA program - I have Comorbid PTSD + major depressive syndrome - called PRRC (psychosocial rehabilitation & restoration center.) We have a broad range of therapeutic modules:

• group counseling
• individual sessions
• CBT
• music therapy
• art therapy
• yoga
• socialization
• mindfulness
• anger management
• sympton management  
• CPT   
•  relationships  
• Tai Chi
• fulfillment    
• health & wellness
• treatment planning
• emotional wellness
• transitions 
et al.

The staff is amazing. Love my fellow Vets (there’s about 50 of us, 35 FT who are there everyday and the rest come 1-4 days a week.) 

Grateful to be part of PRRC. It’s helped a lot. But there are no magic bullets. It’s just a mother####er trying to manage this sometimes.

ETA: obviously, everything is done by Zoom meetings atm

 

[El Floppo]

even though I've been *ok* generally, I've been feeling it too... having the tell-tale feet stuck in sand feelings and procrastination/paralysis over some small things I need to take care of.

no work and no real prospect of work for the future... scares the #### out of me, but is somewhat out of my control. and I'm doing my best to take control of what I can. 

blew up at the family two nights ago... which was actually needed on my part. long simmering issues that were getting worse (how the wife was treating me spilling over to how the kids were starting to treat me) and needed to be dealt with.

glad to hear gb BL is getting help and has that support structure. with the job gone, my new insurance is gone (I only had it for 3 months) and I'm back to being on ACA/medicare. would love to get some talk therapy... but not sure if it's covered and ow that would work these days.