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Official Drunk Thread (2 Viewers)

How do you fix a screen door that has too much torque and slams too fast? You know, before the neighbors kill me.
Pretty sure there should be a screw on the end of the hydraulic thingy that will raise or lower the tension.If that doesn't work, try buying a new thingy.This post brought to you by the folks at the "I am probably worse than Otis at this kind of thing" Corporation
 
How do you fix a screen door that has too much torque and slams too fast? You know, before the neighbors kill me.
Pretty sure there should be a screw on the end of the hydraulic thingy that will raise or lower the tension.If that doesn't work, try buying a new thingy.This post brought to you by the folks at the "I am probably worse than Otis at this kind of thing" Corporation
thanks!btw, I think you're funny YSR. You know, for a chick.
 
good job on that two minute entertainment, guys.
You out?
nope, i'm in the money. but still. could've used some laughs. i guess i'll just head to purrs and woofs from here on.
You could read my blog. It's hilarious according to me and my brother.
I've read your blog. It's all about baseball. Like, almost entirely about baseball. I skimmed through several weeks to get some dirt on you, but basically you like baseball. cc: Mr. Pickles
 
Wow, I had no idea. This means so much. There are so many people I'd like to thank. Captain Morgan, Svedka Vodka, and Coors Light most of all, for putting me in that place where I just need to type ####. My wife for not wanting to have sex which would have distracted me from this momentous achievement. Those of you who have found a place on my enemies list, for forcing me to post in order to tell you how wrong you are. And sportsbook.com, which lets me both post my prop picks as well as post about playing craps online. Really just a magical time. I'd say I was gunning for #2, but have you seen those numbers on those two nerds? Whoa.
As half of the Captain Morgan team, Congratulations.....have another soon
 
good job on that two minute entertainment, guys.
You out?
nope, i'm in the money. but still. could've used some laughs. i guess i'll just head to purrs and woofs from here on.
You could read my blog. It's hilarious according to me and my brother.
I've read your blog. It's all about baseball. Like, almost entirely about baseball. I skimmed through several weeks to get some dirt on you, but basically you like baseball. cc: Mr. Pickles
Read this. It's about the awesome movie Piranha, not baseball. If you don't laugh I will fly to jacksonville and have sex with you for reparations.
 
Still drinking rum bottled in exotic Jacksonville. :banned:
I live in Jacksonville. Beware. It's a ####hole.
I know, that's why I posted.Ummm, I know you live in Jax...not that it's a ####hole.I guess I take your word for that, too. :unsure: Carry on.
:lmao:I actually had to read your post a few times before I figured that you were not drinking rum in Jacksonville. I was therefore able to refrain from waking my husband and forcing him to be my sober driver while I stalked some dude with spaceship hair from the Internet. Sigh.
 
good job on that two minute entertainment, guys.
You out?
nope, i'm in the money. but still. could've used some laughs. i guess i'll just head to purrs and woofs from here on.
You could read my blog. It's hilarious according to me and my brother.
I've read your blog. It's all about baseball. Like, almost entirely about baseball. I skimmed through several weeks to get some dirt on you, but basically you like baseball. cc: Mr. Pickles
Read this. It's about the awesome movie Piranha, not baseball. If you don't laugh I will fly to jacksonville and have sex with you for reparations.
Um, spoiler alert?
 
good job on that two minute entertainment, guys.
You out?
nope, i'm in the money. but still. could've used some laughs. i guess i'll just head to purrs and woofs from here on.
You could read my blog. It's hilarious according to me and my brother.
I've read your blog. It's all about baseball. Like, almost entirely about baseball. I skimmed through several weeks to get some dirt on you, but basically you like baseball. cc: Mr. Pickles
Read this. It's about the awesome movie Piranha, not baseball. If you don't laugh I will fly to jacksonville and have sex with you for reparations.
Um, spoiler alert?
Lots of spoilers. Alert!!!!!!
 
good job on that two minute entertainment, guys.
You out?
nope, i'm in the money. but still. could've used some laughs. i guess i'll just head to purrs and woofs from here on.
You could read my blog. It's hilarious according to me and my brother.
I've read your blog. It's all about baseball. Like, almost entirely about baseball. I skimmed through several weeks to get some dirt on you, but basically you like baseball. cc: Mr. Pickles
Read this. It's about the awesome movie Piranha, not baseball. If you don't laugh I will fly to jacksonville and have sex with you for reparations.
You lost me at Nic Cage. But, um, I still laughed. A bunch.
 
good job on that two minute entertainment, guys.
You out?
nope, i'm in the money. but still. could've used some laughs. i guess i'll just head to purrs and woofs from here on.
You could read my blog. It's hilarious according to me and my brother.
I've read your blog. It's all about baseball. Like, almost entirely about baseball. I skimmed through several weeks to get some dirt on you, but basically you like baseball. cc: Mr. Pickles
Read this. It's about the awesome movie Piranha, not baseball. If you don't laugh I will fly to jacksonville and have sex with you for reparations.
You lost me at Nic Cage. But, um, I still laughed. A bunch.
Dammit.Actually if you'relooking for funny just read all these. They're really the only consistently funny part of what I do.

 
Frosty:

Is Amanda really engaged, or did you make that up like that story about how you have a fancy car? Please give the answer that will make me happy. Lie if you have to.

 
Shamwowza:

I never mailed your wedding prizes. But thats good because I have new schtick stuff to add to it. Be ready and say hi to your dog for me.

 
Frosty:Is Amanda really engaged, or did you make that up like that story about how you have a fancy car? Please give the answer that will make me happy. Lie if you have to.
I'm sorry good buddy, but she's engaged. I did, however, talk to her later on facebook where she told me how she didn't really feel all that happy or fulfilled and I told her about a friend of mine from the internet who liked toilets and alcohol and then we masturbated together so I don't think she's all that hooked on the whole engagement deal. I think if you quit your job and moved up here and lived with someone besides me you might be able to make things work.
 

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